Through Love and Loss: Natalie Welch on Building a Family

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:12):
Lean in and listen with me.
Hi, I'm Michelle Lena.
Welcome to Limitless.
Today's episode is a gripping episode.
Oh my goodness.
This has so many twists and turns.
If you can relate or have experiencedor wonder about Infertility, adoption,

(00:38):
foster care, having children,losing a child, and welcoming in
bonus children into your life.
How we create a home, what makesa home, and what is the most

(00:59):
important ingredient or tool to Orword to have to create your home.
You're going to find out whatthat is on today's episode.
And I would like to introduce my guesttoday, my friend of a very long time.
She's a dear friend of mine.
Her name is Natalie Welch, and sheis a Midwest girl at heart, a mother

(01:24):
of many, a stepmother, foster care,adopted, biological, and a grandma.
She is a health enthusiast, anentrepreneur, a believer in miracles.
Oh, can we all just havethat title and own that?
Let me say that again, a believer inmiracles and listening to the universe.

(01:47):
In this episode, we're going totalk about how important it is to
listen to the universe, follow.
Whatever you believe that higherpower, God, the energies, because
it is definitely going to helpyou see life and guide you on a
path that might be unexpected.

(02:08):
Currently, she is on a journeyof reinventing her life.
And making space for intentional living.
Yes, live with true intent andintentional living for her family.
Redefining what is really importantand how to foster an environment that
they can all thrive, grow, and heal in.

(02:32):
And how mindful it is that as youcreate your family that you really do
want to foster an environment that youcan thrive, but you can also heal in.
Please.
Please welcome my friend Natalie into thestudio as we touch base on all of these
really vulnerable, tender subjects ofbecoming a mother and creating a home.

(03:00):
Thank you for joining me today.
Hey, sweet girl, welcometo your first podcast.
Natalie, congratulationson being a virgin again.
I bet you didn't think thatwas gonna happen today.
want to talk about all the thingsthat we have in common because I think
in society, we create gaps insteadof things that bring us together.
And we should get rid of
things that separate us like, Ican't be friends because she's so
much older, but, I can't be friendsbecause she's so much younger, but
really our experiences align so well.
And you are a beautiful friend anda beautiful treasure in my life.
And I just love that itdoesn't matter what age we are.
We have so many thingsthat we can relate on.
So I would like to just talk about that.
Let's start with kids, children.
Yeah, how many kids do you have?
Because in
This is your first podcast, sothanks for being on my show.

(03:21):
I feel so blessed.
Natalie W [00:36.92]
Well, thank you for inviting me.
Michelle Lena [00:41.981]
Well, the reason why I wanted you onthe show is because we as friends,
even though we have an age gap of a fewyears, many years, we have so many things
in common, so many things in common.

(03:41):
And I really want to talk about all thethings that we have in common because
I think in society, we create gapsinstead of things that bring us together.
And we should get rid of
things that separate us like, Ican't be friends because she's so
much older, but, I can't be friendsbecause she's so much younger, but
really our experiences align so well.

(04:06):
And you are a beautiful friend anda beautiful treasure in my life.
And I just love that itdoesn't matter what age we are.
We have so many thingsthat we can relate on.
So I would like to just talk about that.
Let's start with kids, children.
Yeah, how many kids do you have?
Because in your bio youdidn't list the number.

(04:30):
So how many kids areyou claiming there, Nat?
Natalie W [01:49.484]
No.
The short answer would
short answer would be almost 12.
almost 12.
long answer would be I have six bonus kidsthat I've helped raise the last 13 years.
Michelle Lena [ 01:56.841]

(04:50):
Almost 12.
baby in heaven
W [02:07.34]
who would be eight.
I
who would
have two adopted children and twobiological and one in the oven due
November 7th so that would make a 12
12 for
for us.
Michelle

(05:18):
Lena [02:25.829]
You are really working on the dozen.
Are you going to do a dirty dozen?
Is there one more after this?
are you done now?
We're tapping out.
Natalie W [02:34.101]
No, I think this is it.
have a grandbaby on the way andmy stepdaughter just got married
and has three little boys now.
Her husband had three sonsand she is mom to those boys.
So I am a grandma, Ithink it's safe to say.

(05:38):
That would make you a grandma.
Bonus kids, as you know,
No, I think this is it.
have a grandbaby on the way andmy stepdaughter just got married
and has three little boys now.
Her husband had three sonsand she is mom to those boys.
So I am a grandma, Ithink it's safe to say.
That would make you a grandma.
Bonus kids, as you know, theycount because you nurture
them and you love them.
And once they enter into your home andyou and your sweet husband have created
a home, so these children are yours.
And that's something that Ireally, really talk about.

(06:00):
So lots of different waysof getting children, Nat.
Lots of different ways.
Natalie W [02:58.303]
Yeah.
Natalie W [03:12.756]
Yes, absolutely.
Natalie W [03:21.214]
Yeah.
So when you think about yourjourney becoming a mother and having
your kids show up in almost everydifferent way that you can think
of having a child, I think you'vechecked every single box pretty much.

(06:23):
What would you say to somebody who,cause I know I get this question,
it's like, which one are yours?
that question
you get that question?
You have never gottenthat question or you have.
Natalie W [03:51.688]
not that question specifically, but like.
like.
I know,

(06:43):
I know, I have people say things like,you're kids, meaning like my babies, or
babies, or like,
like, do you love your adoptedkids differently than your
biological children, or
your
your stepchildren different than
I
your babies?
So I get like a range ofquestions around that.

(07:07):
love is love
me, love is love and
form
nurturing someone.
as a form of love and
at.
like my stepchildren or
I don't, like I don't look at.
look at
like my stepchildrenor my adopted children.
It's all

(07:27):
look at them in categories.
They're just my kids.
It's all the same.
My love is the same.
And I don't, you know, they all havedifferent personalities and we have
different dynamics in our relationships.
But
kids, so.
Michelle
they're my kids,
I love that you saidit's that simple though.

(07:48):
It's love is love.
I get that question, well youadopted these children and so
you didn't give birth to them.
they, like you said, with yourbonus kids or your step kids,
do you love them differently?
And the answer when you breakit down is no, because of
what you said, love is love.

(08:09):
And when you take thatlabel and just honor
what that is, that energy, thatflow, then it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
And I think people who haven'tadopted or haven't gotten children
through foster care or struggled withhaving children or have stepkids,
unless you claim that, I think

(08:32):
you claim that, I think
for me, and maybe you can, you know,I'm just entering into the world
of being a stepmom and a bonus mom.
but I just don't see a difference.
It's maybe a relationship you have towork a little bit harder because you
weren't there from the very beginning, but
Right.
it really is as simple as love.

(08:52):
Natalie W
Right, yeah, I woulddefinitely agree with that.
It's interesting because I startedmy motherhood journey as a stepmom.
And so we kind of have differentlike reversed experiences
as far as our timelines.
have different likereversed experiences as
yeah, I would say like to what yousaid with your stepchildren, your bonus

(09:16):
kids, however you want to describe them.
your bonus kids, however
You have to earn trust and it takestime and especially when you're
dealing with multiple children,it's all on a different timeframe.
They're all different personalities,different experiences.
Some you click with faster than others.

(09:38):
Some takes years to get there.
others.
Some takes years to get
and with your babies thatyou have since birth.
you have since
adopted or biological, they grow totrust you from the very beginning
because you nurture them, you give them
you nurture
every, you fulfill everyneed that they have.

(09:58):
And so you're their wholeworld as little children.
Like my kids right now, they'resix, six, five, and almost two.
And right now their worldrevolves around mom.
six,
And they trust everything I say.
And you know, I have thattrust with them, but with your
bonus kids, really have to be patient andearn it through consistency and grace and

(10:29):
it through consistency and grace and
like removing
from the
yourself from the situation, seeingthem for who they are, what came before
them, honoring that and knowing that
came after all that.
So it's
came after all that.
So it's a journey and it's beenunique with each of my bonus children,

(10:53):
but beautiful and fulfilling andI love every single one of them.
Michelle
I think your journey through being a bonusmom, and I like that term way better.
I think the words we use todescribe a situation puts a
lot of weight in our brain.
And if we use certain words,it opens up a different spot.

(11:15):
So I like bonus mom.
These are bonus kids.
And anything bonus extra is a blessing.
But when you were talking, itreminded me similar to my kids
that I adopted later in life.
really understanding that they had a wholestory, a whole adventure, a whole journey.

(11:36):
And there was probably some reallybeautiful parts to it, but there was
probably some really painful parts to it.
And they're little and sothey're still navigating.
And maybe they didn't learn
through
their past parent or whoeverwas in charge of them, their
guardian, to teach them trust.

(11:57):
Natalie W [08:49.9]
Yeah.
and to give them grace and tohelp them learn what love is.
And so when we get these kids througheither adoption or, you know, we fall
in love with somebody and they alreadyhave children, we need, I love that
you're like, we need to give them grace.
They have this beautiful story and storiesare laced with everything from overjoyed

(12:20):
to overwhelming to hard to sad to...
every experience because we'rehumans and they're little and they
still go through all of those.
So yeah, it is definitely being mindfulthat they're individuals and that
you're going to connect with themindividually on their time and what we
need to do as bonus parents or adoptiveparents because some of my kids came

(12:44):
at different ages, five, 11, even
Natalie W [09:54.998]
Yes.
like 17 and my oldest weadopted when he was an adult.
He was 30 when we finally finalized his.
Yes.
it's a journey taking care of humans.
It is a labor of love.
Yes.
As don't go into labor though right now.

(13:04):
Okay.
Just because I say the word.
Okay.
I know
Anyhow, when you think back onmotherhood, you started with your
step kids, but then you really had
Yeah.
Natalie W [10:15.956]
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
I know a strong desire to create
wanted to explore.
your family.

(13:24):
I don't want to use that term becauseyou already have one, but there is
and that's something
something about growinga life inside of you.
And that's something that you wanted tochoose and that you wanted to explore.
So let's talk a little bit aboutthat because I know a lot of people
have dealt with infertility andthat's something you struggled with.

(13:46):
for you.
Natalie W [11:04.447]
when you say that word, I know thathits a lot of spots in your heart.
So
I'm just going to open up that space.
I think we need to honor that space.
People have gone there.
So let's talk a little bitabout infertility and what that
looked like personally for you.

(14:07):
Natalie W
and I were getting pretty serious,one of the things that I told him
was, I know you have six kids that Ilove and adore, but I was still pretty
young at the time and I really wantedthat opportunity to grow a child and

(14:32):
experience motherhood from the beginning.
So
does.
Michelle Lena [ 11:38.558]
you
Natalie W [11:57.254]
And he said, I'll havesix more if you want.
If you are willing to step into my six,you know, however many you want to have.
And I was like, whoa, I don't know.
I don't know about that, but here we areabout to have six of our own together.

(14:55):
So
So when my husband and I
anyway, so after a little bit oftime being married and just getting
into the flow of blending our family,
still pretty young at the
really wanting to
my gosh.
Natalie W [12:25.822]
spend some time with the older kidsand just give them that attention.
At the time when I methim, they were five to 14.

(15:17):
When we got married, theywere like seven to 16.
he said, I'll
So they were getting older and moreindependent and in school all day.
so
to step into my six, you know, however
we were ready to start trying and
was like,
we tried and we tried and we tried.
And after a little overa year and several...

(15:38):
Negative pregnancy tests.
We sought
getting into the
some help from a fertility specialist
to
my gosh.
and started with kind of a smaller, lessinvasive clinic, not an in vitro clinic.
they were
We started with, gosh, it's beenso long to remember all the little

(16:00):
medical terms of all the medicines,but we just started with some timed
cycles with some pills to release my...
eggs
and we tried.
And after
and then we that wasn't working so we wentto IUI which is artificial insemination.
of a
I think we did that four times

(16:20):
in vitro clinic.
never got pregnant doing that
so long to remember
and that one's interesting because they
medicines, but we
they get your body toproduce several eggs at once.
There was one month where I wasgoing to release seven eggs.
time.
Natalie W [13:51.355]
So I was bracing myself for multiples,but I didn't even get pregnant from that.

(16:40):
So we decided to moveforward with in vitro.
We started the journey of in vitro
several eggs at once.
and went to a clinic up in Salt Lake.
live in Southern Utah
Michelle Lena
and started that andended up with 17 embryos.
And I was 27 at the time I was younger.

(17:02):
So
It didn't feel necessaryto spend the extra money on
doing all the genetic testing.
Southern Utah
So we thought we'd take our chances.
so
embryos.
And I was 27 at
we did two embryos and I got pregnant
feel necessary to spend the
with our daughter Blythe.
And that was our first shot at in vitro.

(17:23):
It successful.
two embryos and I got
And as we went through thepregnancy, things looked great.
She seemed to be developing normally.
I was feeling good.
great.
She seemed to be developing
And then we were coming up onour anatomy scan just a few
days before I started bleeding.
before I

(17:44):
And we
went through the night
kind of like went throughthe night to see what
it.
I
kind of what came of it.
I was in communication with mydoctor and he said to come in in the
morning if things hadn't stopped.
stopped.
I could
I could feel her moving at this point.
So I knew that she was alive.
to labor and delivery

(18:04):
We went to labor anddelivery the next morning.
Let me pause you right there,
Natalie W [15:26.382]
Yeah.
You went through this whole process.
You finally get the news you're pregnant.
You're carrying thisbeautiful little girl, Blayke.
How far along are you?
Just to give a time frame.

(18:25):
You went through this whole process.
You finally get the news you're pregnant.
You're carrying thisbeautiful little girl, Blayke.
How far along are you?
Just to give a time frame.
Natalie W [15:40.729]
Yeah, so at this point I was about19 weeks when I started bleeding.
point, she has eyelashes,fingernails, 10 fingers and toes.
You know, she's got all her parts.
19.
Okay.

(18:55):
Lena [16:10.791]
Yes.
Natalie
we go to labor and delivery.
go to labor and
They pull out the ultrasound.
She has a heartbeat.
So I'm relieved thinking,okay, everything's fine.
But as they look more closely,there is no more amniotic fluid.
there is
And so
amniotic fluid.
they, there were two thoughts on that.

(19:17):
It was either my water had broke, which Ididn't think that it had, or her kidneys
were failing and her body couldn'tcirculate the amniotic fluid properly.
So.
They sent us to a neonatologist,
to
had a bunch of specialists jump on board.
was just, my mind was racing.

(19:40):
There was talk of
was
if it's not the kidney problem andit's just the amniotic fluid, we might
be able to remedy the situation forjust to get her to like viability
and have a very premature baby.
And so I was hanging onto that hope.
viability and have a very
that was best case scenario.

(20:01):
I was
So then
that was
as they look more closely at herdeveloping organs, come to find out
both her kidneys are cystic and becauseher kidneys aren't functioning, her
bladder is not functioning, her lungs arecompromised, her heart is, everything is

(20:21):
compromised because if one major organisn't working or the two kidneys in this.
matter, everything else.
or
You know, it's such a delicate, my
matter, everything
dogs are barking, sorryabout that, such a delicate.
Natalie W [17:54.794]
situation as babies are developing.

(20:42):
So
as babies are developing.
So anyway.
Natalie W [18:05.6]
they're going to stop
Natalie W [18:05.6]
they're going to stop parking.
I wonder if my pool guy's back there.
Michelle Lena
okay that's real life.
Either we can edit itout or it's just fine.

(21:02):
So carry on.
This is
carry on.
This is an important story.
Yes.
Natalie W [18:15.487]
So...
Natalie W [18:19.829]
Okay, I'll continue.
Can you hear them?
Is it bothering you?
Okay, so anyway, we realize everything isfailing in this little body of hers and...
you know they start talking aboutterminating my pregnancy and

(21:28):
I never thought I'd ever haveto even consider that option.
You You don't think about like...
Natalie W [18:57.867]
When you think of terminating apregnancy, you don't necessarily think
of someone who wanted a baby so badwho's desperately wanting to be a mother.

(21:50):
You don't think of someone like
So, I, in my mind, I'm like,well no, that's not an option.
Even if she's not going to survive, Iwill carry her until God decides it's
time for her to come or until my bodygoes into labor on its own because I

(22:10):
will not choose to terminate pregnancy.
But then as they continue to lookat my anatomy and my uterus and
everything, the placenta is actuallycompletely covering my cervix.
The term for that is a complete previa.
And that was the cause of my bleeding.
And so the risk with a completeprevia is you can bleed out and die.

(22:36):
So the neonatologist, he was so kind andhe just held my hand and looked at me and
like kind of explained to the seriousnessof the matter that no matter what
happened, this baby would not survive and

(24:37):
don't, you know, but it did.
And I think in like the strictreligion that I've been raised in,
it's been pounded into my head thatthat's one of the absolute worst sins.
And so I'm just struggling with allthis like morality of this choice
and should I sacrifice myself?

(25:03):
and not do this and just see what happens.
So it's just a lot.
I think I battled that for a few yearsof just like wrapping my head around it.
But so we move forward with the week andand we planned her funeral and we bought
her a grave and then bought ourselvesgrave plots next to her because as

(25:26):
soon as you bury your child, you're yourealize I don't want them to be alone.
and you start thinking, where doI want to be buried when I'm gone?
So at 27 years old, I'm buyingmy baby's grave plot and one
for myself and my husband.
So that was interesting and at thetime I could feel her moving inside

(25:49):
me as we're purchasing her grave plot.
And we went to the hospital at endof the week and continued with the
procedure and they ended up inducing me.
I was able to have a vaginalbirth which was kind of a
miracle considering my previa.
They were monitoring it, they had awhole game plan with their medical team.

(26:09):
They had blood ready to go togive me transfusions and...
Natalie W [23:28.909]
I had to sign papers that gave thempermission to give me hysterectomy
if it came to that because with theprevia there was just like a lot of
complications that could have happened.
So I was in labor for 24 hoursand she was born and she was
beautiful and she was perfect.

(26:30):
She was, I think she had passedjust before she was born.
They unplugged the monitor becausethey didn't want me to hear
it when her heartbeat stopped.
of layers.
Natalie W [23:58.889]
So, but we got to hold her and theyput us back in the quiet room in
the corner where they put the momswho was their babies away from all

(26:51):
the other moms and crying babies.
And we spent the whole day justholding her and loving her and
taking pictures and like, justlike really surreal because you're.
It's not how you picturehaving your first baby.
Natalie W [ 24:28.682] and youthink she's so perfect and beautiful

(27:15):
and you see yourself in her andyou see your kids, I could see
likenesses to my bonus kids in her.
And then to have to.
I want to very much.
Natalie W [24:42.544]
leave her and walk out of thehospital with empty arms and a box
of memories that they give you.

(27:36):
anyway, so we had her funeral a coupledays later and it was just really intimate
with family and a few close friends.
And then we just kept trying within vitro.
We still had embryos and tried tomove forward through our grief and

(27:57):
just hoped to get a baby.
So we just kept trying and we endedup doing four more rounds of in vitro.
And we lost three.
Let me pause you right there, Nat.
Let me pause you right there,because I think we, I got to
experience a lot of that with you.
And it was a sacred journey that I gotto walk with you down this path when you

(28:23):
got pregnant, during your pregnancy, theweek leading up to going to the hospital,
the struggle with that piece of paper.
Natalie W [25:31.221]
Mm
and the language they use on thatpiece of paper and how we're talking
about this, how strong words areand how they program our society and

(28:43):
how they program our brain and howwe're programmed through a religion.
And now you have to sign a piece ofpaper that goes against everything
that your value system was built on.
And...
I think we need to really sit with thatbecause we have this word when we end a
pregnancy that it doesn't look like this.

(29:09):
there,
mindful and that is their choice, but alot of women are in this position that
you are in and we don't have a voice.
There's not a word for it.
There's not a term that accuratelydescribes the pain that I saw you

(29:33):
go through, the pain that I wentthrough just being your friend.
Like there was no word that'swritten out that explains what
it is that you had to sign.
And yes, it was your body, so youhad to sign it, but it's crazy
that the father didn't have togive permission about, you know,

(29:55):
making this decision with yourchild because it's both of you.
And then
right there, because
this beautiful experience of beingat the hospital and meeting Blythe
and being there for your familyand then attending the funeral.
There's so many layers to that.
When you put a child that was in yourwomb, in your heart, and now you're

(30:21):
placing that child in the earth.
All
That's big.
And you're 27 years old and you have sixother kids that are experiencing this too.
And so I know there wasso many layers to that.
so anyone who's walked a similar path,this is your time to have a voice.

(30:42):
You're not alone.
Other people have livedthrough this extremely.
Look, I got dogs too.
Tender time.
And then I think you bookended it really well.
You're 27.
infertility journey carried onbut let's just talk about how is
Blythe showing up in your life?
How is this little
and you and your husband are buying plots.
and who go through this intenseseason of grief, how do you still

(31:02):
End of life plots.
W [29:14.244]
Yeah,
And that is such a surreal moment.
And I know that she has playeda beautiful part in your life.
mean, in that moment, we don'tthink about eight years from now and
how this beautiful little girl isgoing to be so active in your life.

(31:24):
So yes, you're,
infertility journey carried onbut let's just talk about how is
Blythe showing up in your life?
How is this little angel present?
What kind of relationship doyou have with your daughter?
Because I think that's importantthat people who lose a child and

(31:46):
who go through this intense seasonof grief, how do you still have a
relationship with this person thatdoesn't physically live here with you?
Natalie W [29:14.244]
Yeah, so
so that has been an interesting journey.
Natalie W [29:25.668]
I think initially I...

(32:06):
Natalie W [29:25.668]
I
remember just
was so scared I wasgonna like forget her or
she wore and
I would I remember just like openingher box and like the little gown
that she wore and just smelling itlike it still it still smells like
her I keep it in a ziplock bag andlooking at pictures and studying her

(32:27):
face like because I could never justsee her again and I was so worried
over time that I'd forget her forget
she existed or...
that my love
that she existed or...
[ 30:00.613]
go away and even
that my love for her would.
having more children like
Natalie W [30:00.613]
go away and even like a guilt from likehaving more children like am I replacing

(32:51):
her like just very complicated feelings.
me that also that lost a sister
Lots of that and lots of like tryingto be strong for the kids that are here
with me that also that lost a sister and
wife, different
you know they're lookingto me and their dad for
through
stability and comfort and

(33:13):
trying to grieve
my child who
also separately as husband andwife, different paths for grieving.
Yes.
Michelle Lena
mother and to like mother my childwho isn't physically here with me.

(33:37):
Ooh,
So it's been,
That's a strong statement.
You still have the privilegeto mother your child who is
not physically here with you.
W [31:04.045]
Right.
Wow.

(34:40):
W [31:04.045]
Right.
Yeah.
And so it's been an interesting journey.
think like saying goodbyeto her, releasing balloons.
We all tossed a pink flowerin her grave and just watching
them lower her into the ground.
like, I remember one of the, thefirst time it rained, it doesn't
rain much here in the desert.
First time it rained after she passed.
things come up that you don't reallythink are going to trigger you.
I just remember one night therewas a thunderstorm and it was
couldn't sleep and I like I had tolike go to her grave and like cover
the grass that she was buried beneathbecause my baby's in the rain like it
sounds crazy but it's just like and itwas shortly after she passed and just
like that motherly instinct to like loveand protect your baby that isn't here
and I and I had breast milk after shewas born that took weeks to dry up and
but it's just like and it wasshortly after she passed and just
like that motherly instinct to likelove and protect your baby that
but
isn't here and I and I hadbreast milk after she was born
that took weeks to dry up and
No.
Natalie W [32:10.764]
You know, my body thinks Ihave this baby to care for,
grave and just
my mind knows she's not here.

(35:01):
so
a presence or
that, and there's
seen like
just been times like over time when I'vegone to her grave and just felt like,
here where
I don't know, like a presence or apeace or seen like a double rainbow.
There's a lot of like, it's
We don't see a lot ofladybugs here where we live.

(35:22):
Yes.
Natalie W [32:39.339]
There's a lot of like, it's just desert.
A lot of people have turf.
Ladybugs thrive in luscious,like green gardens.
and a ladybug shows up and it
have been multiple times that I goto her grave and a ladybug shows up
that shows
and it doesn't in other places.

(35:43):
her or thinking of
over time, it has become something thatshows up when I'm talking about her or
thinking of her in different places.
shows up as
I'm traveling or
know
going through something, I feel likeshe kind of shows up as a ladybug.
Like I know it's not her,but it's this ladybug.
And I feel that it's like a sign

(36:05):
and her presence and
of her love and her presenceand her like, mom, I'm here.
Mom, it's okay.
Mom, I'm okay.
[ 33:30.899]
No,
So.
Michelle
it absolutely is her.
I
I
believe that we are made up of energyand energy is never, it's always been.

(36:27):
So it's a forever substanceand it just changes form.
it does not,
it's
it does not die.
It only transforms and natureis so in tuned with energy.
And so
Natalie W [33:34.612]
Yeah.
She just lives in a different formof energy that we as humans cannot

(36:49):
touch, taste, see, understand.
But nature is so in tune with thosefrequencies that they show up.
W [ 33:34.612]
the essence of, you know, she'snot in that ladybug, but she is
definitely influencing those thingsthat listen to those energetics
[ 33:58.757]

(37:09):
She
and aligning them in a space
Natalie W [34:12.649]
Yeah.
because it's not a coincidence whenyou're talking about her or you're
asking guidance and here comes anangel number or a sign or a ladybug.
She's very present and mindful andthey're very clever that these little
souls that live on the other side on howthey communicate with us, whether we are

(37:32):
open to see it or not, that's our choice.
But I know you and I havetalked about this and since
the passing of my mother and my
and my father and some other closefriends, I see them now, where before
because of religion, I didn't see themas clearly, but they are super present.
Natalie W

(37:53):
when you kind of open up that
kind of open up
of just thinking differently and
just thinking
trusting your intuition, I feellike you are open to so many
like
that the universe is trying to tell you.
So I've felt that throughout the years, Ithink, since she passed and before even.

(38:21):
I was her mom, especially sinceshe passed, and especially I feel
like in the last couple years.
throughout the
as far as like, yeah, I feel like,
she
you know.
and before even.
W [35:52.324]
in regards to mothering her or
especially
the journey of my relationshipwith my daughter who is not here

(38:44):
I feel
I think since having children,
couple years.
But
to see how like intricately thatall happened with adoptions and
the babies that we physically had,
Natalie
there's no doubt that like
Yeah.
Natalie W [36:19.059]
there was a reason and apurpose for the timeline and

(39:06):
everything that happens with her.
journey
Now that I have biological children,
with my daughter
her in their faces.
And in all my children, Ihear her in their laughter.
And especially since having my daughter,who's almost two, my biological daughter,

(39:27):
there was always a wonder of like...
What would she look like?
What would her personality be like?
And I know sisters can be so different,but at least it sort of gives me some
imagination of who she might've been.
that like
I had babies, I

(39:48):
Lena
close to her at her grave.
Yeah.
having children, I feel closer to her.
interacting with my children ina moment or in nature than I do
when I'm physically at her grave.
What would her personality be like?
And I know sisters can be so different,but at least it sort of gives me some
So it's been interesting, but

(40:10):
it's been interesting, but yeah.
That's a beautiful transition.
That's a beautiful transition becauseI have seen since her crossing the
domino effect of all of these otherbeautiful children entering in your life.
So your oldest is seven.

(40:31):
And
he'll be 7 November.
infertility,
let's just tell a little bit about hisstory because you went through this whole
Yeah.
Natalie W [37:46.905]
Yep, he'll be 7 November.
infertility, you wentthrough several more rounds
his journey
with failure, success,
Natalie W [ 38:03.843]
and then you landed with thisunexpected little miracle, your

(40:55):
little seven -year -old son.
And how did he, hisjourney is interesting too.
How did you end up withthis beautiful little boy?
Yeah, we, adoption was neversomething I was against, but I was
maybe afraid of it because sometimesit doesn't work out and I couldn't
prepare my heart for another loss.

(41:17):
And we were really tapped out financiallyand adoption can be expensive.
So
I
friend of ours came to us andthey knew of these two children.
It was a three -year -oldlittle girl and a 10 -month
-old baby boy, her brother that
Yes.
were needing to be adopted.
were in the care of theirgrandmother at the time.
work

(41:37):
she was in communication withus in the state and the goal was
to become foster care licensed
heart
pursue adopting them.
loss.
so we didn't want to waste any time and wejumped on that bandwagon and we took the
classes as fast as we possibly could andgot licensed within like six weeks, which
is really fast for foster care licensing.

(41:58):
It's fast.
Natalie W [39:15.767]
did all the background checks, thehome studies, and their dad, the
son of this grandmother, ended up
were needing to be

(42:20):
and for them that he came to thatplace, but it was like a little
disappointing and confusing.
Like,
the care
was just the reason why I didn't wantto pursue adoption because of more loss.
grandmother

(42:43):
sign of like, okay, maybe that wasjust a push we needed because we were
supposed to be doing foster care.
And so here we are licensed.
Let's just keep our license activeand open and just see what happens.
So a few months passedand we didn't get a call.
kind of feeling discouraged.
And

(43:03):
communication
our baby's, of
us
and placed.
And it was like the week of Thanksgiving.
All my family was coming in town.
Her headstone was being placed.
I was excited to finally havesomething for her grave, but like
lots of feelings around that.

(43:26):
goal was
at GCFS and she said there's ababy boy in the NICU ready to
go home and he needs a home.
Do you want to be his home?
licensed

(43:46):
in the car picking up my bonuskids from all their things
and I like made a U -turn.
had my youngest stepdaughterin the car with me and she just
wanted to be a big sister so bad.
So she knew before her dad even knew.
And I said, yes, like no questions asked.
don't even care what the story is.

(44:06):
I mean, I just, yes, like Idon't want to waste any time of
him not being in someone's arms.
So her and I go to Target.
We're just throwing all the babystuff in the cart for baby boys,
getting every, all the necessities.
And within two hours, my husband andI were standing in the NICU holding
this tiny six day old baby boy.

(44:28):
Yes.
Natalie W [41:45.867]
And they did the whole walkthrough,
we
and the car seat check, and they unhookedhim from all the wires and oxygen.
And I just remembered like, mygosh, like, you guys are just going
to let me walk out with this baby.

(44:49):
we
happens and when you've wantedit for so bad or for so long.
And then it just happens like that.
you.
Natalie W [42:14.025]
It's just like a whirlwind,but we brought him home
fast
just like, is he breathing?

(45:09):
Is he like, okay, I'm a new mom?
Like just so many things.
And we didn't know what wasgoing to unfold with him.
The goal I think initially wasreunification with the family.
And so we knew that going into it.
within

(45:29):
feelings about that couldbe a whole podcast episode.
six
just like you love this baby and you wantto protect them, especially if you've
had, you've been waiting for so longto have a baby and now you have one.
But because you have this pure lovefor this baby, you also have a love for

(45:50):
the family they came from despite thecircumstances and you want what's best
for them, whether that's you or them.
Yes, yes.
Natalie W [43:13.087]
And so I think it was a humblingexperience for me because I went
through this maybe initially being likea little judgmental of the situation.
And as I grew to love him and lovethem as time unfolded, just having

(46:13):
nothing but love and compassion andwanting the absolute best for this
family, whatever that looked like,whether I was in the picture or not.
So that was kind of a likeinteresting place to be.
all
eight months that things wereup in the air with him before
things were like determinedthat he was going to be adopted.

(46:37):
And the birth mom actuallychose that for him.
And I think as she got to know usover time and she could see that
we did love him and we, you know,we were all that he really knew.
And I think she didn't wantto disrupt his bonding.
And so.
Yes.
Natalie W [44:13.183]

(46:57):
she chose us to be his parents,which I felt so honored.
And I think that it's the best thingthat could have happened for her and
for him and for us that that was achoice that she was able to make.
So I really respect her for that.
Again.
Absolutely.
I think what it goes back to what yousaid at the beginning, it's just love.
And we don't take time toreally think in this situation.
And I'm glad that youcame around near the end.
Like this is an eight month journey.
This is very emotional.
You don't know where it's going to land.
But in the end, what'sbest for this child is
up getting his act together in thattime to where he wanted to have his
kids and he was able to get them back.
So, of course, we're happy forhim and for them that he came
to that place, but it was like alittle disappointing and confusing.
Like, why did we just do all that?
And this was just the reasonwhy I didn't want to pursue
adoption because of more loss.
Anyway, so we kind of took that asa sign of like, okay, maybe that was
just a push we needed because we weresupposed to be doing foster care.
And so here we are licensed.
Let's just keep our license activeand open and just see what happens.
So a few months passedand we didn't get a call.
kind of feeling discouraged.
And then it was like the week ofour baby's, of Blythe's headstone
was being delivered and placed.
And it was like the week of Thanksgiving.
All my family was coming in town.
Her headstone was being placed.
I was excited to finally havesomething for her grave, but like
lots of feelings around that.
And we got a call.
from one of the ladies at GCFS and shesaid there's a baby boy in the NICU
ready to go home and he needs a home.
Do you want to be his home?
So I remember I was driving in thecar picking up my bonus kids from all
their things and I like made a U -turn.
had my youngest stepdaughterin the car with me and she just
wanted to be a big sister so bad.
So she knew before her dad even knew.
And I said, yes, like no questions asked.
don't even care what the story is.
I mean, I just, yes, like Idon't want to waste any time of
him not being in someone's arms.
So her and I go to Target.
We're just throwing all the babystuff in the cart for baby boys,
getting every, all the necessities.
And within two hours, my husband andI were standing in the NICU holding
this tiny six day old baby boy.
Yes.
Natalie W [41:45.867]
And they did the whole walkthrough, youknow, safety, everything with us and
the car seat check, and they unhookedhim from all the wires and oxygen.
And I just remembered like, mygosh, like, you guys are just going
to let me walk out with this baby.
it's kind of shocking, I think,when that happens and when you've
wanted it for so bad or for so long.
And then it just happens like that.
you.
Natalie W [42:14.025]
It's just like a whirlwind, butwe brought him home and I just
remember staring at him all nightlong, just like, is he breathing?
Is he like, okay, I'm a new mom?
Like just so many things.
And we didn't know what wasgoing to unfold with him.
The goal I think initially wasreunification with the family.
And so we knew that going into it.
And there's a lot of complicatedfeelings about that could
be a whole podcast episode.
But just like you love this baby andyou want to protect them, especially if
you've had, you've been waiting for solong to have a baby and now you have one.
But because you have this pure lovefor this baby, you also have a love for
the family they came from despite thecircumstances and you want what's best
for them, whether that's you or them.
Yes, yes.
Natalie W [43:13.087]
And so I think it was a humblingexperience for me because I went
through this maybe initially being likea little judgmental of the situation.
And as I grew to love him and lovethem as time unfolded, just having
nothing but love and compassion andwanting the absolute best for this
family, whatever that looked like,whether I was in the picture or not.
So that was kind of a likeinteresting place to be.
So there was probably eight monthsthat things were up in the air with
him before things were like determinedthat he was going to be adopted.
And the birth mom actuallychose that for him.
And I think as she got to know usover time and she could see that
we did love him and we, you know,we were all that he really knew.
And I think she didn't wantto disrupt his bonding.
And so.
Yes.
Natalie W [44:13.183]
she chose us to be his parents,which I felt so honored.
And I think that it's the best thingthat could have happened for her and
for him and for us that that was achoice that she was able to make.
So I really respect her for that.
Again.
Absolutely.
I think what it goes back to what yousaid at the beginning, it's just love.

(47:20):
And we don't take time toreally think in this situation.
And I'm glad that youcame around near the end.
Like this is an eight month journey.
This is very emotional.
You don't know where it's going to land.
But in the end, what's best for thischild is that reuniting with the...

(47:41):
biological parents or is it continuingin this environment where he has grown
attachments and their stability andthere's this loving nurturing environment?
And I think when it comes down to youas parents bringing this child and
create a home and I love that likedo you home is such a powerful word.

(48:06):
It's so powerful.
He needs a home.
Well, we're going to bring him home.
And what does that mean?
It's just this beautifulplace where love grows.
And I just think
just can't
that whole story is just everylayer from the birth mom to the
hospital to what you guys created.
And then her final choiceis the ultimate gift.

(48:29):
mean, having an adopted child, I haveso much respect for my birth mothers.
That is a gift that
I'm going to cry that you just can'teven explain because it's life and
you walk out of this hospital withthis life with so much potential and

(48:52):
possibility and then for this brave,brave mother to go, no, I choose you.
And I know you do
It's so, my brain can't evenwrap around that concept.
It is.
The most selfless gift a personcan do is to choose their child

(49:14):
was
before themselves.
[ 46:55.105]
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
birth mothers are just incredibleand they don't get enough credit.
So if you're a birth mother and you'relistening, I honor you and I respect you.
And I know you do the samething with your birth mothers.
You have another daughter thatcome from not foster care, but

(49:36):
Natalie W [46:32.823]
Yeah.
Yeah.
your second child, livingchild, was adoption too.
Yeah.
Natalie W [46:55.105]
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Do want me to like pick up fromthat or where do you want me
Do want me to like pick up from that orwhere do you want me to go with that?
Yeah, no, kind of
Yeah.
So.
Michelle
wrap that up and then and segueinto your your your third child that

(49:59):
night.
Yeah.
to experience from birth.
Natalie W [47:14.849]
night.
Yeah.
So, so
three
my son was three months old
call from
when we got a call from mydaughter's birth mother.
the time, like I said,
the time, like I said, it was likean eight month journey before knowing

(50:21):
what his permanency was going to be.
So
going to
we were still in that limbo with him.
And of course, like hoping
selfishly I could be his momforever, but also just hoping for
the best for him, whatever that was.
hoping for
I just remember like, sorry to jumpback to that, but like every court

(50:45):
date, every team meeting, every meetingwith the social worker, like every
milestone and progress that this familymade, I had nothing but like joy and
celebration and like, yay, I'm
like
so proud of you feelings.

(51:06):
It wasn't like, no,they're gonna get him back.
It was like, yes, you're doing it.
Like nothing but loveand joy for their growth.
So it's just like, it's just such alike complicated layers of feelings.
All coming from love, right?

(51:26):
like, yes,
Yes.
Natalie W [48:44.503]
So he's three months old and we're inthis space of limbo not knowing what
was going to happen and my daughter,
her birth mom called me and shehad heard of us by word of mouth.
We were on no waiting list.
There was no agency we were talking to.
It was literally just word of mouth.

(51:47):
I've been pretty open like on social mediawith my infertility and adoption journey.
So I think people just sort of knew andthis lady had been, a friend of mine
had been talking to a coworker about it.
and her co -worker's aunt was bestfriends with this birth mom who
lived in like the Santa Barbara area.
joy for their

(52:21):
like hadn't really like...
didn't really even know if it wasa boy or girl and just lots of
things unknown at this point.
So she was going to have anappointment that week and find out
some things and get back to us.
like, it's

(52:50):
like that without being ona list or paying some giant
fee to an agency.
I'm like this, there's got to be a catch.
Like, so I went into that cautiously,I think, because it all just felt like
way too easy, way too good to be true.
like
with my son who was foster statusat the time, because foster

(53:16):
placement can change depending on asignificant change in circumstance in
your home, which could be a baby, couldbe a divorce, could be, you whatever.
And so I was concerned thattaking on another baby was
going to affect his placement.
And so I had to have that conversationwith the caseworker and I just remember

(53:38):
telling her, like, she knew my story.
She knew how bad I wanted a baby.
Natalie W [51:00.693]
she knew what we'd been through.
right?
affect his placement,then I won't move forward.

(53:58):
Michelle
he was bonded to us.
He was our baby.
I wasn't going to disrupt thatcrucial bonding time, nor did
I want to send him to some...
stranger's house, like he's my baby.
Yes.
Natalie

(54:19):
so in every sense, he was my baby andI was his mother and protector and
so I wasn't going to abandon that.
of
And I knew that that couldleave me empty handed.
I knew that.
And so
to
she just, she had to talk to hersupervisor and get like the okay
to give me assurance that they werecomfortable with us moving forward.

(54:40):
us.
Natalie W [51:57.227]
So, and I think she even mentioned becauseyou're coming to me with these thoughts
and you're willing to forego a for sureadoption for him, I see that he is in the
best hands and he is where he should be.
So we're going to keep him where he's atand you move forward with your adoption.
pretty

(55:01):
So we did.
So we, we went to California with himand my mom came to watch him in the
hotel room while we went to the hospital.
while
people just sort
was born and we got to be there.
And they brought her to usthe minute that she was born.
She was a C -section and so wecouldn't be in the room because of

(55:21):
numbers of people and everything.
And so they brought us to her before theyeven weighed her and did her Avgar test.
They brought us back to thenursery doing skin to skin and
mom
that.
So we got the full experienceand then we were able to even
have a room to ourselves.
for four days while birth mom recoveredfrom her C -section because they won't
release the baby until birth mom isdischarged and able to sign papers without

(55:47):
was like
influencing her.
pregnant at the
anyway, so there was a time of waiting
like...
didn't
our breath because she couldchange her mind at any time.
a
was a whole other like justroller coaster of a few days.
Natalie W [53:21.889]
We ended up leaving the hospitalwith her after four days and going

(56:09):
to the hotel with our other baby.
And I just remember that moment of likebringing them together and just like,
out
I have this little video of them layingby each other and he's like this chunky
little three, four month old baby.
And she's just this tiny littlebean wrapped in a swaddle.
And they're just like, it'sthe first time they met.

(56:30):
good
since then, so they're three monthsapart and they've only ever known.
this
each other since that moment.
So they very much have a twin dynamic.
two
They're in the same class, they'rein first grade and they're just lost
without each other and like he'swhite and she's African American

(56:51):
but they tell people they're twins.
I'm like
that they're not twins.
They know, I'm very open with them aboutadoption and where they came from and
they know their birth mother's nameand they know what they look like.
she knew what we'd been through.
And I just said, you know, if this at all
very open about that, but they liketo lovingly say that they're adopted
twins and they even share an adopted,

(57:14):
she just, she had to talk to hersupervisor and get like the okay to
their anniversary is, theiradopt -a -versary is the same
for sure adoption forhim, I see that he is
day.
We were able to get it on the same day, so
with him and my mom came towatch him in the hotel room while
anyway, it's just cute, butthey're like my twins, even though
they're obviously not twins, but.
did her Avgar test.
They brought us back to the nurserydoing skin to skin and all that.
So we got the full experienceand then we were able to even
have a room to ourselves.
for four days while birth mom recoveredfrom her C -section because they won't
release the baby until birth mom isdischarged and able to sign papers
without medication influencing her.
anyway, so there was a time of waitingand holding our breath because she
could change her mind at any time.
And that was a whole other likejust roller coaster of a few days.
Natalie W [53:21.889]
We ended up leaving the hospitalwith her after four days and going
to the hotel with our other baby.
And I just remember that moment of likebringing them together and just like,
I have this little video of them layingby each other and he's like this chunky
little three, four month old baby.
And she's just this tiny littlebean wrapped in a swaddle.
And they're just like, it'sthe first time they met.
And then since then, so they're threemonths apart and they've only ever known.
each other since that moment.
So they very much have a twin dynamic.
They're in the same class, they'rein first grade and they're just lost
without each other and like he'swhite and she's African American
but they tell people they're twins.
They know that they're not twins.
They know, I'm very open with them aboutadoption and where they came from and
they know their birth mother's nameand they know what they look like.
very open about that, but theylike to lovingly say that they're
adopted twins and they even share anadopted, their anniversary is, their
adopt -a -versary is the same day.
We were able to get it on the sameday, so anyway, it's just cute, but
they're like my twins, even thoughthey're obviously not twins, but.
So that was a whole like,
us.
I love that
So that was a whole like,
us.
I love that you did.
You did something really powerful.
I think you did something really powerful.
And I think people who adopt kids,and I've seen this, and maybe
the stigma isn't still there.
I didn't do this with mychild who we got from birth.
I only got one child from
You did something really powerful.

(57:35):
I think you did something really powerful.
And I think people who adopt kids,and I've seen this, and maybe
the stigma isn't still there.
I didn't do this with
given
my child who we got from birth.
I only got one child from birth.
My other kids came in later in life.
But I talked to themfrom the very beginning.

(57:56):
You said they
hear in
they came from, howthey joined your family.
Natalie W [54:49.783]
Go ahead.
what their birth parents' names are.
All the information hasalready been given to them.
It's natural.
It's been a normal conversation.
It's not this sticker shopthat you hear in the past.

(58:17):
My niece, I don't believethey told her she was adopted
until she was 12 years old.
And I was thinking, cannotdo this to this child.
That is such a...
sticker shock such a moment of andnow she's entering into puberty.
But if you have the conversation,I really encourage people who are

(58:41):
going through the adoption process,you're bringing in a child this way
that there is not a stigma attachedbecause you got your child through this
attached because you got
is just another way to bringyour child into your home.
It doesn't matter if you givebirth or if it's foster care or

(59:02):
if it's adoption or stepchild.
When they come into yourhome, that's what matters.
It doesn't matter how they get there.
you
so for you to have that conversationalready and to make it natural and
to make it flow, but yet for them torealize, but there is this bond, there is
this connection, there is this oneness.

(59:25):
what
with this union becausethey've always been one.
And I know you've raisedthem just like that.
They are connected and it's undeniable.
And so I love that they're two differentgenders and two different ethnicities,
make it
they are still so connected because noneof that matters when it comes to love.

(59:50):
Natalie W [57:07.799]
Yeah.
there is this
I think that's the theme.
It's just it comes down to that.
I think you said sobeautifully in the beginning.
It's just all about love.
Natalie W [57:15.447]
Love is love, yeah,
with this union becausethey've always been one.
And I know you've raisedthem just like that.
They are connected and it's undeniable.
And so I love that they're two differentgenders and two different ethnicities, but
they are still so connected because noneof that matters when it comes to love.
Natalie W [57:07.799]
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
I think that's the theme.
It's just it comes down to that.
I think you said sobeautifully in the beginning.
It's just all about love.
Natalie W [57:15.447]
Love is love, yeah, yep.
So I don't know, it's been aninteresting journey to watch
them together as adopted twins.
And I'm so glad they have each otherand as they grow, they'll have that to

(01:00:13):
relate to each other and talk about thingstogether as they feel different things.
it's funny, so
words,
dog barking
Natalie W [ 57:43.239]
six months.
She was six months.
He was nine months old.
We were just getting readyto finalize adoptions.

(01:00:34):
And I wake up one morning sick tomy stomach and I'm like, gosh, this
feeling sure feels familiar, but I'veonly been pregnant from in vitro.
So there's no chance.
Sure enough, I take a testand it's positive, as positive
as it can possibly be.
And I just sat there.
in shock like I have these two babiescrawling around on the floor not

(01:00:58):
even walking yet and I'm pregnant.
After all that I just get pregnant andthey warned me they said you know now that
you're adopting you're gonna get pregnant.
I'm like there's no chance likemy body is a barren wasteland
it's not gonna get pregnant
us,

(01:01:20):
now Sawyer my son my five -year -old
He is
we
are just like this little trio.
Like they're twins.
They're definitely like the twinsand he's sort of their sidekick that
sometimes is like part of the trio.
And then sometimes he's like,okay to do his own thing.

(01:01:42):
But back to like the adoption, like.
And
so,
You know, like there's families who jokearound with their biological siblings.
Well, you're the adopted one.

(01:02:04):
you know, like there's like some stigmaaround it, I think, and like older times.
But I think like a lot of people areusing new words like you were not
Yes.
Yes.
Natalie W [59:31.824]
given up for adoption, your place foradoption, your birth mother chose this
out of love, she didn't give up on you,she chose it selflessly out of love.

(01:02:27):
positive
like
like
dancing around that conversation withthe right positive words, because words
are powerful and they hold meaningfor us, like we were saying before.
And
am that
so,
Yes.
Natalie W [59:59.011]
I've been so open and positive andlike expressing my love for the

(01:02:48):
birth moms and how lucky I am thatthey chose me to be their mom.
And
all of
son, my biological son hears allof this and he's so close to them
and feels like such a part of them.
feels
because he's number three and he'sthe only one not adopted of that trio.

(01:03:10):
them.
feels left out because he's not adopted.
So
three
will say things like, whydid I not get to be adopted?
And why are they adopted and I'm not?
And it's
trio.
he feels left out
think he doesn't quite comprehendwhat that actually would mean.

(01:03:32):
But
So he
a compliment that I've spoke so highly ofadoption to my other two that it's that.
Michelle Lena [01:00:31.589]
I
Natalie W [01:00:56.086]
It's so positively viewed and well-esteemed that my biological son
wishes he could have been adopted.
So he feels left out.
and I'm not?

(01:03:53):
And it's so it's, obviouslythink he doesn't quite comprehend
what that actually would mean.
But to me, it's a compliment thatI've spoke so highly of adoption
to my other two that it's that.
I
Natalie W [01:00:56.086]
It's so positively viewed and well-esteemed that my biological son
wishes he could have been adopted.
So he feels left out.
anyway.
Yes.
my gosh,

(01:04:32):
Lena [01:00:59.069]
Yes.
my gosh, you put the whole twist ontaking that word from a negative to a
positive and yeah, he doesn't understandbut that is such a powerful lens that
that way anymore.
I really feel like people are being verymindful and intentional on how they have
conversations and so I hope people arewhen they're sitting in that spot that
they just embrace this with the positive
embrace this with the positive
Natalie W [01:01:46.552]
Great.
Yeah.
Natalie W [01:01:46.552]
Great.
Yeah.
notions that it deserves.
that's all you did.
You layered it with love and youhad open conversations and that's

(01:04:56):
all you need to do because itdoesn't matter the circumstances,
it just matters that they were givenwith love and received with love.
Yes, and it's interestingbecause I think being a
stepmom prepared me to be an adoptive mom
Natalie

(01:05:16):
because I had to alreadybe in this space of
you
Natalie
grow in my body and
[01:02:21.228]
you before me.
Yes,
I got them as newborns, there'sstill a whole story of their

(01:05:37):
birth mother and their family oforigin and how they came to be
you didn't grow in my body
and honoring that even asthey're growing now, even though
I've had them since birth.
But
Yes.
Natalie W [01:03:07.849]
It's amazing the conversations that I'vehad with them already that I didn't think

(01:05:57):
I would have till they were teenagers.
But they're very intelligent,emotionally intelligent children
who ask me big questions.
anyway,
with them already that
but just recognizing what came before you
were
and loving where they came from
emotionally
and honoring where they came from.

(01:06:19):
Yes.
you
Natalie W [01:03:35.166]
So, and the trauma that came from thatand, you know, because even getting
a newborn, they still experiencetrauma because being removed from
your biological mom, no matterwhat stage you're at, is traumatic.
Yes.
recognizing that
Natalie W
and all of that.

(01:06:39):
So, anyway, I do think being astepmom prepared me for that and,
they still
know, prepares me for maybe the teenagersthat might say, you're not my real mom.
Yes.
Natalie W [01:04:05.846]
It's okay, I can take it.
But,
anyway, I
you know, but I just feel reallylucky to have that perspective
because I do think it preparedme to be a better adoptive mom.

(01:07:03):
And likewise, I think losing a baby,
I can take it.
you know, like,
but I just feel
I know what it's liketo leave the hospital
I do think
without your baby.
to be a better adoptive
And I know what it's like to wonderhow your baby's doing and what they
might look like and how they might,
it's like to

(01:07:24):
what they're like.
And so
And I know what
I think because of that, I chose to havean open adoption with both birth moms,
they might, what they're like.
And so I
just because of my perspective.
And I think it's healthieremotionally for my children
birth moms, just
to have that, to just haveopen dialogue about it.

(01:07:47):
Both situations are different,but as they get older, I'm
sure that dynamics will change.
But as of right now, have We Text.
They follow me on social media,and they get to just see my
stories and watch kids growing up.
to just
They get a little window into their world.
They get a

(01:08:08):
And I know that especially myson's birth mom just loves that.
So,
I think that perspective and I didn'trealize because I've had it I've had
several miscarriages I've had sixmiscarriages and my one that I carried the
furthest was 18 and half weeks when I lostwhat I believed was a little girl but you
do get that perspective like you do leavethe hospital with these I didn't get a box
but with these empty boxes andthese things that don't get filled.
And so you're really mindful.
When I stepped into that place withmy daughter, we adopted from birth.
So I'm glad that you broughtthat perspective up because I
think it does change your lens.
You're like, why would I take this away?
Because my philosophy, eliminatea problem before it is a problem.
Well, this would hurt their heart.
As a mother, you ran to your child'sgrave and you covered it up because
to protect your child.
That feeling doesn't go away because theyplaced this child in somebody else's arm.
They still want to know that their childis protected and having good memories and
creating the childhood that they envision,even if it's not in their presence.
And so for you to give them that gift,to be open and to be mindful, I think
all of these things, like you said,being a stepparents, going through this
Natalie W [01:06:48.816]
Right.
experience with your daughter Blythe andthen one situation leading to another
and to another and now you know sinceSawyer you had another daughter and now
you are having a surprise we don't knowwhat it is we're holding off we didn't
do the big gender reveal with this onebut everything lends to the next step and
if we allow ourselves to see that then
Natalie W [01:07:15.661]
Thank
No.
the possibilities and the pathjust seems to flow so much better.
And I've seen that in your life,like, this was really challenging.
It was really overwhelming.
This season was dark and hard.
Yes, it was.
But all of a these doors open, you'relike, my gosh, but look where I ended up.
And because of this experience and thisexperience, we talk about this all the
time, you're young, but you have so muchwisdom and knowledge because you raised
these older children and now how it isinfluencing you when now you're raising
the younger ones that you didn't havethat experience with the bonus ones,
but now you're getting to have this.
And so it does change your lens.
It's changed your lens,not just for motherhood.
I know this experience that you'vegone through, it has changed
your lens with your identity.
It has changed yourlens with your marriage.
It has changed your lens.
with your religion, it is changeyour lens with your values.
And those kinds of things I think aresuch exquisite gifts that life give us.
Often I hear people talkabout things like this.
It was a crisis.
No, it wasn't a crisis.
It's a beautiful awakening, this arisingin you, going back to this knowing that
is so true that you cannot deny it.
And every layer that I seethat I've walked through you,
and with you on your path is just led youto this space of like you're blooming.
In my eyes, I feel like you're reallycoming into this season of just blooming.
And this last child is just likethe little sprinkles on top.
It's the little, yeah, it's
and I didn't realize because I've had itI've had several miscarriages I've had six
miscarriages and my one that I carried thefurthest was 18 and half weeks when I lost

(01:08:33):
what I believed was a little girl but youdo get that perspective like you do leave
the hospital with these I didn't get a box
but with these empty boxes andthese things that don't get filled.
And so you're really mindful.
When I stepped into that place withmy daughter, we adopted from birth.

(01:08:56):
So I'm glad that you broughtthat perspective up because I
think it does change your lens.
You're like, why would I take this away?
Because my philosophy, eliminatea problem before it is a problem.
Well, this would hurt their heart.
As a mother, you ran to your child'sgrave and you covered it up because
to protect your child.

(01:09:16):
That feeling doesn't go away because theyplaced this child in somebody else's arm.
They still want to know that their childis protected and having good memories and
creating the childhood that they envision,even if it's not in their presence.
And so for you to give them that gift,to be open and to be mindful, I think

(01:09:37):
all of these things, like you said,being a stepparents, going through this
Natalie W [01:06:48.816]
Right.
experience with your daughter Blythe andthen one situation leading to another
and to another and now you know sinceSawyer you had another daughter and now
you are having a surprise we don't knowwhat it is we're holding off we didn't

(01:09:59):
do the big gender reveal with this onebut everything lends to the next step and
if we allow ourselves to see that then
Natalie W [01:07:15.661]
Thank
No.
the possibilities and the pathjust seems to flow so much better.
And I've seen that in your life,like, this was really challenging.

(01:10:21):
It was really overwhelming.
This season was dark and hard.
Yes, it was.
But all of a these doors open, you'relike, my gosh, but look where I ended up.
And because of this experience and thisexperience, we talk about this all the
time, you're young, but you have so muchwisdom and knowledge because you raised
these older children and now how it isinfluencing you when now you're raising

(01:10:46):
the younger ones that you didn't havethat experience with the bonus ones,
but now you're getting to have this.
And so it does change your lens.
It's changed your lens,not just for motherhood.
I know this experience that you'vegone through, it has changed
your lens with your identity.
It has changed yourlens with your marriage.
It has changed your lens.

(01:11:07):
with your religion, it is changeyour lens with your values.
And those kinds of things I think aresuch exquisite gifts that life give us.
Often I hear people talkabout things like this.
It was a crisis.
No, it wasn't a crisis.
It's a beautiful awakening, this arisingin you, going back to this knowing that

(01:11:30):
is so true that you cannot deny it.
And every layer that I seethat I've walked through you,
and with you on your path is just led youto this space of like you're blooming.
In my eyes, I feel like you're reallycoming into this season of just blooming.
And this last child is just likethe little sprinkles on top.

(01:11:55):
little cherry on top.
yeah, it's the littlebow around the bouquet.
It's putting it in thebeautiful crystal vase.
I feel like that's reallywhere you are right now.
Natalie W [01:09:05.027]
Yeah.
Natalie W [01:09:10.551]
little cherry on top.
Natalie W [01:09:17.635]
Yeah.
Yeah.
because it's just, it's incrediblypowerful to watch you transcend each of
these seasons in each of these stages.
It's beautiful.

(01:12:15):
Natalie W [01:09:23.267]
Yeah.
Natalie
Yeah.
because it's just, it's incrediblypowerful to watch you transcend each of
these seasons in each of these stages.
It's beautiful.
Natalie W [01:09:23.267]
Yeah.
Natalie W [01:09:32.387]
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah, it's been a journey.
Michelle Lena [ 01:09:35.229]
what's next?
That's what I'm going to have to haveyou come back and we're going to have
to do what's next because we justscratched the surface and really just kind
Yeah, I feel like...
We need to do, I think I'm going toinvite you back and we're going to do
Yeah, I feel like...

(01:12:36):
We need to do, I think I'm going to inviteyou back and we're going to do segments
because I feel like our conversationand so many things have come up that
people can relate to and that peopleare not having conversations about.
We need to be open and have dialogueand not put anything in a box anymore

(01:12:57):
and open it up so everyone cansee the true lens in which it is.
Because it is just lead with love.
Natalie W [01:09:54.028]
Go ahead.
Natalie W [01:10:20.394]
Yeah.
Love is love.
Natalie W [01:10:24.512]
Love
is love, yeah?
Yeah, I feel like lots of things we talkedabout could be their own, like, episode.
Adoption and fertility, baby loss,

(01:13:19):
fertility, baby
blending families, step parenting,
all of
all of that, just religion,
Marriage!
Michelle
lots of things.
Well, I,
Lena
yes.
Well, I wanted to bring you on.
I wanted everyone to get to know you, toget to know us, and then bring you back.
And we're going to dive into eachone of those areas and really foster

(01:13:45):
some really good conversations.
Do you have any final thoughtsthat you'd like to share about your
journey and what you've been throughand where you're landing right now?
Because you are weeks away.
of bringing another littlebeautiful human into the world.
What are your final thoughts?

(01:14:08):
Natalie W [01:11:19.368]
I don't know.
Coming so fast.
I'm like, it's funny after you'vehad a few, kind of like, don't
really do the countdown as much.
And then suddenly you're like,I guess, I guess it's time to
start getting ready for a baby.
It's kind of where I'm at now.
I don't know.
guess I just, life is interesting.
You think you have a plan.
Michelle
at now.
is.
Natalie W [01:11:45.492]
I've always been
don't know.
guess I just,
planning person.
have
life is interesting.
You think you have a plan.

(01:14:28):
Yes, it is.
Natalie W [01:11:45.492]
I've always been likea very planning person.
have like my plan and thenit never goes to plan.
And I've learned over the years
garbage,
to just throw the plan in thegarbage, at least have an idea of
where you'd like to go, but be opento the possibility of change and

(01:14:49):
change and
opening up to
the universe is
whatever the universeis going to bring you.
Keeping an open mind.
just.
love
just.
setting aside your pictureof what you thought life
I think setting aside

(01:15:10):
you thought
your picture of what you thoughtlife was supposed to be or
what you thought it should be.
up to possibilities
I think that if you open yourselfup to possibilities that it can be
more beautiful than anything youcould have ever planned for yourself.
Very well said and I agree with you.
We need to be open to changebecause we are designed.
I lost you.
you're back for a moment.
You glitched out, but we aredesigned for change and we allow
the universe or God or the energies,whatever you believe in to guide us.
We are going to land down a paththat was designed even better
than what we could imagine.
Yes, we have our
Natalie W [01:12:45.204]
Yeah.
Natalie W [01:13:14.076]
Yeah.
intention and to be intentional andhave mindset about where we want to
go, but also allowing something biggerthan us, the universe, to come in and
to open up doors of new possibilities.
And I
Very well said and I agree with you.

(01:15:31):
We need to be open to changebecause we are designed.
I lost you.
you're back for a moment.
You glitched out, but we aredesigned for change and we allow
the universe or God or the energies,whatever you believe in to guide us.
We are going to land down a paththat was designed even better

(01:15:55):
than what we could imagine.
Yes, we have our
Natalie W [01:12:45.204]
Yeah.
Natalie W [01:13:14.076]
Yeah.
intention and to be intentional andhave mindset about where we want to
go, but also allowing something biggerthan us, the universe, to come in and
to open up doors of new possibilities.
And I think that's wherethe beauty lies in.
And I really appreciate youtaking time to share that.

(01:16:18):
I hope people can seethat in their own lives.
And I end every podcast this way.
You can't go over it.
Natalie showed us that today.
You definitely can't go under it.
You have to go through it and let'sjust go through it together and
today let's go through it with love.
Carry on.
Natalie W [01:13:44.732]

(01:16:38):
haha
Natalie W
Yeah.
Natalie W [01:13:54.556]
Yeah.
Yeah, thank you.
you.
It's a pleasure.
Thank

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

The Breakfast Club

Crime Junkie

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Through Love and Loss: Natalie Welch on Building a Family

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Dateline NBC

The Breakfast Club

Crime Junkie

All Episodes

Through Love and Loss: Natalie Welch on Building a Family

Dateline NBC