🗣️Why you REALLY argue with your partner about money, w/ Couples Financial Therapist, Ed Coambs

Why does your partner's stress surface as money worries? Why is it that one of you have more comfort about money topics and the other avoids it? It's actually all rooted in attachment styles. Financial therapist Rachel Duncan sits down with Ed Coambs CFP (R), LMFT, CFT-I TM, MBA, a fellow financial therapist and planner and author of "The Healthy Love and Money Way," to explore how your past relational experiences shape your money interactions, from fighting, to avoiding, to repair. We begins with a listener question about a spouse whose anxiety shows up through financial concerns, then we dive deep into creating healthier money conversations with your partner, and in addition, yourself.

 

💬 "Their past relational experiences are what's shaping their money interactions. It's not the actual money itself, it's the meaning and relational experiences tied to the money that's shaping their reaction." - Ed Coambs

 

Key takeaways from the episode:

 

1. Your approach to money conflicts is often rooted in childhood attachment patterns

2. There is no financial security without relational security, even for single people

3. Most people have never witnessed a loving money conversation modeled for them

4. How you enter and exit money conversations significantly impacts their success

 

Guest info:

Ed Coambs CFP (R), LMFT, CFT-I TM, MBA is a financial therapist and financial planner who founded Healthy Love and Money. He and his team helps couples understand their money in ways that strengthen connection and collaboration, and authored "The Healthy Love and Money Way."

 

⏰ EPISODE BREAKDOWN

The GREAT Framework for Money Conversations [00:05:40 - 00:17:00] Ed introduces his framework (Greet, Remember, Empathy, Attachment, Thank you) for approaching difficult money conversations with your partner.

 

Relational Rupture and Repair [00:17:00 - 00:25:00] How relationships cycle through states of relating, rupture, and repair, and why many couples get stuck at the rupture stage with money talks.

 

Understanding Attachment Styles [00:32:00 - 00:39:10] The four attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized) and how they influence your financial behaviors and communication patterns.

 

Building Financial Security Through Relational Security [00:41:20 - 00:45:10] Why there can be no true financial security without first establishing relational security, both with yourself and your partner.

 

📚 Resources Mentioned

1. "The Healthy Love and Money Way" book by Ed Coambs

2. Take the attachment style & money quiz at healthyloveandmoney.com

3. Financial Therapy Association directory

4. Dr. John Gottman's research on relationships

5. "Why Won't You Apologize?" book (by Harriet Lerner)

 

💬 Join the Conversation

Have a story to share or question about money and relationships?! Please help me build a follow-up episode by leaving a voicemail! Click on the big orange button on our site right from your phone! https://www.moneyhealingclub.com/podcast

 

🎧 Your next listen:

Listen to Rachel and her husband discuss differences and similarities in their childhood financial experiences in S1 E6: 🌎How Culture Shapes Money: A Ukrainian Perspective

 

💫 Use code PODCAST for 50% off your first month and start your money healing process!

https://www.moneyhealingclub.com/club

 

Full transcript: https://www.moneyhealingclub.com/podcast

 

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