August 18, 2024 • 50 mins
Have you ever felt like the world around you is spinning out of control? Like no matter how hard you try, you just can't find that elusive peace everyone talks about? Picture this: you're in a tiny boat in the middle of a raging storm. The wind is howling, the waves are crashing over the sides, and everything inside you is screaming to panic. But then you see him—Jesus—calmly sleeping, untouched by the chaos. How could he possibly sleep at a time like this? What does he know that we don't?
Today, we're going to dive deep into the secret of that peace—the kind of peace that doesn't make sense in the middle of life's storms. The kind that defies logic and turns fear into faith. Whether you're struggling with anxiety, overwhelmed by the demands of life, or simply searching for that calm in the chaos, this episode is for you. And we're not just talking about any peace, but the peace that Jesus himself promised us. A peace that's powerful enough to calm the storm, both around you and within you. So, if you're ready to discover that peace, let's go!
As we dive into this, you'll hear a raw and honest conversation about the struggles we face and the peace we can find in Jesus. We explore how our faith can overcome the world, despite the chaos we might be experiencing. I share my personal battles with anxiety and depression, and how my wife, Jessi, has been my rock through it all. We talk about the importance of having someone to share your burdens with and how vital it is to have a support system grounded in faith.
We'll also reflect on the story of Jesus calming the storm, as recorded in the Gospel of Mark. This powerful account reminds us that even in our most turbulent times, Jesus is with us, offering a peace that surpasses all understanding. We'll read through key Bible verses that highlight the peace of God and how it can transform our lives.
So join us as we hold on and enjoy the ride, finding peace in the midst of life's ups and downs. This is our time to discover the calm in the chaos, to strengthen our faith, and to experience the peace that only Jesus can provide. Stay blessed, and keep shining!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Have you ever felt like the world around you is spinning out of control?
Like no matter how hard you try, you just can't find that elusive peace everyone talks about.
Picture this, you're in a tiny boat in the middle of a raging storm.
The wind is howling, the waves are crashing over the sides, and everything inside
you is screaming to panic.
But then you see him, Jesus, calmly sleeping untouched by the chaos.
(00:23):
How could he possibly sleep at a time like this? What does he know that we don't?
Today we're going to dive deep into the secret of that peace.
The kind of peace that doesn't make sense in the middle of life's storms.
The kind that defies logic and turns fear into faith.
Whether you're struggling with anxiety, overwhelmed by the demands of life,
(00:43):
or simply searching for that calm in the chaos, this episode is for you.
And we're not just talking about any peace, but the peace that Jesus himself
promised us. A piece that's powerful enough to calm the storm,
both around you and within you.
So, if you're ready to discover that piece, let's go!
So we hold on and enjoy the ride.
Music.
(01:09):
After all the ups and downs, this is our time. Enjoy the ride.
All right, we are going, we are live, we are rolling I'm looking at the love
of my life right now, the love of my life You know?
She's about 5'2", 5'5", is that what you are, 5'5"? Okay, 5'5",
(01:35):
and blue eyes She's giving me big eyes right now, big blue eyes And, what did you say?
I was trying to say weight Oh, I didn't want to say weight right now because
she is pregnant she is pregnant she oh gosh what did you say not live live it's,
recording live here we'll pull it up to you if you are going to talk i
(01:55):
would pull it up just so you can we can hear that beautiful voice okay and okay
just so there's no confusion right now i am talking to my wife her name is jesse
fogel and you should she has been on the podcast one time before you should
go check it out you can find it it's it's it's out there you know it's out there It's out there.
I wanted to kind of say, like, today I have my security blanket on,
(02:19):
and it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
You might think, well, he's just in front of a green screen.
That's why it's so see-through. No, it's actually pretty see-through in itself. It is.
It's beaten up. This has been through the ringer. It's like, look at that.
Look at that. I'm actually wearing a shirt underneath. If I wasn't wearing a
shirt underneath, it might be heyday all for y'all.
You know, my free fall, you know, free fall for y'all.
(02:41):
What do I do? I love this.
I love seeing her eyes. Really, I wanted Jessie to come down and be a part of this today.
Just to be there. She is the one that gives me strength in a lot of ways.
It helps me when I am not doing well.
And there's a lot of times I am not doing well.
(03:03):
So, and she helps me a lot through that, you know, and we've talked about it
in the video we had, as well as anyone that has interaction with us in real life.
You all do see that we, you kind of know our vibe, you know, how we roll.
We just roll with the dough. We roll with the dough.
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I've lost all, I've lost all connection
(03:24):
with reality. I am, I am just a floating dismembered, this, this body, honey, I don't know.
I don't know the things that this is why I brought her down.
I, I, she had, she had to be here, you know, and I know you all can't see her right now.
We don't have a camera on. This was like, kind of like on the fly seat of our
(03:47):
pants, figuring it out as we go.
Yeah. I I've been struggling, struggling. If you caught my video last week,
you know, I've been struggling. And if you caught the week before,
you saw something building up.
You saw things, things happening, a lot of things happening that,
and I'm trying to overcome, trying to overcome. We are always over, we are overcomers.
If you're a Christian, you are an overcomer. You know, what has overcome this world?
(04:10):
Even our faith, our faith overcomes this world that, I mean,
I mean, I can talk about just our faith in general and getting through life,
but like in the context of marriage as well,
you know, a lot of times it might sound bad saying this, but like,
marriage is tough you know we go through our ups and downs struggles together you know and i mean.
(04:31):
The glue that keeps me and my wife, me and my, is that me, my wife and I together,
that keeps us together is Jesus. Jesus, you know, he is the one.
I mean, I, this might be TMI, but I mean, I've heard people talk about this,
that are Christians, you know, like if it weren't for Jesus,
if it weren't for Jesus, you know, and for, I don't know, do you think anything
(04:52):
about that, Jesse, what I'm saying?
Like in the context of just me and you, you know, I know. Oh, one second.
Hello? Hello? Hey, Zach. Zach, what's going on?
Yeah, we were going to come over there.
(05:14):
Oh, cool. Awesome. I think mom said they got like a one lane you can go through now?
Oh,
awesome. That's great. Okay, cool. Thanks, Zach.
We'll we'll be heading over there in just a bit all right
all right bye zach yeah like i don't
know jesse what i'm all over the map right now and it's
(05:37):
i don't know what can you bring some sanity to my life jesse
can you can you you got any you usually get you help me through the the storm
you know you help me through and make it worse no you don't no you don't here
i pull it to before i told you hold paula pull it toward no no no pull no it
is not good you can pull it Oh, man,
(05:57):
yeah, I think lately it's just, it's been tough.
It's been, what do you think? I mean, you, you've probably, it probably,
it's probably no different to you.
You're probably just used to, you know, what do you, I mean, what do you think?
And me in general, you know, like anything different or am I just,
am I just quirky and crazy as ever overall compared to what you used to be here about, like.
(06:21):
100 times better why do you say that it used
to be really bad bad yeah like what
okay why do you say bad just really
depressed and anxious all the time now it's
just an occasional flare-up that's not near as bad as
it used to be but how do you not have that like do
you ever have that like like i think is it
(06:41):
just like the way that you're kind of wired and made up that
you do not struggle like like the things that i have yeah
just genetics i guess i
mean i should talk about other things but because that's been like you
know like you probably when we got when we got when
we got hitched you you didn't see a lot of the things like and i i think a lot
of the stuff came out after we got married like like it really i i don't know
(07:04):
it seems like everything got really crazy after i got married but what do you
think well i mean when you're at home you can finally be yourself and we didn't
live together until after we were married so you were never home.
With me yeah and so it's like when you when you're married
then you just you just start seeing everything that everybody can just
have like kind of walls and like kind of things that just cover up
(07:25):
you know but it really did feel like i
don't know it felt like a darkness came over me after we got married you
know like pretty quickly i can remember within the month you know
it was weird like and i like things got
really bad quick and i don't know
if it's just spiritual warfare or what but it's i
i don't i don't even like reliving that that kind of stuff
(07:46):
but maybe going through it i it's almost
i do i want to let it just go to waste have gone through
that stuff and it just be almost a waste and not talk about it and not share
with it because other people might be going through stuff who knows you know
already i feel like i've i've talked to a lot of people about well you've let
me talk to other people about you and it's already helped other people like
(08:08):
oh brina fogel he's such a nice guy.
Seems like he has it all together i'm like well did somebody did
anyone ever actually say that or do you think they just what it seemed
like i had it all together yeah what do you
what do you mean everybody does they they that they have it all together or
they just thought they think you do you're such a nice and easygoing guy i said
he's not easygoing he's pretty anxious and depressed guy but nobody sees that
(08:32):
except me at home yeah i mean yeah it was really bad you know like i think,
that's where i think it is a lot of just the chemical like because it's almost
like you need it like that something's like messed up in in the mind you know
like and like there's chemicals that need rewiring before i mean i don't know
there's the spiritual component but then there's just the biological component it feels like and.
(08:56):
I think I needed that biological, you know what I mean?
Things that were just not firing right in my head, in my brain,
were just not going in the right spots.
I always think of it just in the way that I think and the way that I get really
screwed up and messed up is I feel like my head is inflamed.
(09:18):
I don't know what I mean. And it's just full of blood.
And I can't think or see straight. And I can't rationalize and reason.
It's called an anxiety attack probably but that's not
what i'm i i don't know is it like all the time
like well back when it was bad all the time like that no
i and i'm talking about just in general as in like things
that i cannot that i there's something that is
(09:40):
just accused in me and making me feel like crap and i can't
i can't see that where i'm i
shouldn't feel that way i i can't like there's a
there's a bridge over here and here and you're saying that everything's
okay but to me like there's nothing like there's there's a chasm and it's not
lining up there's something hidden and i and i feel like some i've done something
(10:02):
or i'm doing something wrong and i can't see where you're saying that everything's
okay i don't know i know that doesn't make sense but like it makes sense well
we look we kind of figured out you have.
Scrupulosity which is moral ocd you
always think you're in trouble you think god's mad at you but you
know the bible more than anyone i know and you know
(10:24):
that's not true and your logical part of your brain but and you keep
wanting me to help you and tell you if i have to tell you over and over but i
can see you trying to grasp it that you
you you're i don't know whatever part in
your brain is not letting you grasp it but like
and really it's it's
not been like that lately i i don't even know it's but
(10:45):
it's still kind of like that you know i i always feel like my
mind always selects one thing and all
and all it needs is one thing to make me feel like crap and
it's like there it's like my mind is on a constant radar it's detection as in
zooming across the the everything the corridors of my mind and just trying to
find something to detect and once it finds one thing that's all it needs and
(11:09):
it just wants to just obsess over that one thing over and over.
And, and as soon as I could, Oh, get past that and like move on past that,
it would just like do a whole nother sweep of my mind to find whatever.
And it's always in that, that mode of like looking for something. And I, I.
(11:30):
And that's where it is kind of both, it's OCD, it's obsessive compulsive disorder,
it's a disorder, but who's in charge of disorder? It's the devil.
And, you know, you know you're forgiven, you know you're, you know,
you move past things, but he won't let you.
And he makes you feel worthless, and that's what he wants.
I know. And right now, it's like, it's the one thing that we've talked about,
(11:53):
and I've, and I even shared with my mom yesterday that the devil just accuses me over and over,
and I feel kind of weird even saying it, whether I'll let this go out or not,
but I feel guilty when I read the Bible.
I feel like I'm sinning when I read the Bible, and that in itself might sound
(12:18):
completely insane saying to anyone that hears that.
And it's because of this thing that I uttered years and years ago,
where I was in shambles and I was going through hell.
And in a moment of desperation, because the devil had just...
Because my mind takes the words of Jesus so seriously when he says as almost
(12:45):
your yes, yes, and your no, no, that if you say something,
you are taking it upon you as that is your word, and you cannot alter or break
your word, almost like an oath.
And so I don't know. I know the circumstances, if you want me to tell it.
No, but it was even past that. It was way back when.
(13:06):
I don't even relive this, but it's so freaking messed up because it's like The
devil takes the things that are so good and pure and twists the hell out of them.
And that's what drives me so crazy. That's why you see me get so riled up that
I start spitting everything because I can't see or think straight.
But he takes the... I remember it all started, and there's millions of other
(13:30):
things that would accuse me or whatever, but this is one thing that has just driven me insane.
Years and years ago, when we were at a revival, it was at like a church event,
and I was saying to the—I don't even remember,
and I almost shouldn't even open up that can of worms and relive it,
but I was almost saying to God,
yes, to something, and I was in a moment of purity, like, I'm giving myself
(13:56):
to you, and I'm going to cut this thing off in my life, and I'm saying yes.
Well, my twisted and perverted mind took that and made that an oath.
I've made an oath and I've took that upon me by just saying the word yes.
Fast forward years and years later, I'll give my version. You can tell what you think.
Fast forward years and years later where we were upstairs in our house and just,
(14:19):
I'm getting beat over the head with this and just being miserable over something
that I had said years prior.
And then again, I was just completely broken.
And I said, I wanted to say the most outlandish, crazy thing ever and take an oath upon it.
And, but I was not meaning an oath. I was not meaning to take an oath or promise
(14:42):
or whatever, whatever have you.
And I said, and I was really careful with what I was doing, but I wanted to
almost say like, oh, I take an oath.
And I even did like the quotation marks. And to me, quotation marks means you're
saying something that's wrong and you don't mean it.
And I wanted to absolutely make it clear that I'm not really taking an oath.
(15:02):
But I said, I take an, like, I wanted to almost say like, I take an oath that
I won't be able to breathe anymore.
But I said like I take an oath that I won't read
the Bible anymore and I did like quotes or I said something like that
and then for since then and forever since then
that Satan has accused me that whenever I read the Bible or whenever I want
(15:22):
to read the Bible and desire it I am sinning I am and I don't know that's my
version of it that's right it was in complete sarcasm and you were just hurting
and you just wanted to show that.
The stupidest, outlandish thing would still bind you in your mind.
But yeah, I did not, I was not meaning it as like an actual,
(15:43):
like, I didn't think that was a real thing. It was.
Yeah. And that's the turmoil of my mind that has been in lately.
It's been over this specific event, this specific circumstance or whatever,
this thing that has been thrust upon me that I may be thrust upon myself.
And so whenever I see the word vow, oath, oath or anything in the Bible, it triggers me.
(16:07):
I get triggered because it reminds me and causes me to remember and instantly
makes me feel guilty and destroyed and hurt.
Because I am reminded of this event, of this thing that I said and did not mean whatsoever.
Whatsoever, but like, and no matter how much I want to get past it,
(16:29):
it's like, because it makes me think of the verse, like, because it says in
the Bible, let your words,
Solomon wrote it in Ecclesiastes, like, don't be hasty in uttering a vow or
an oath, and I was stupid, and I did that, but it's like, I know that it's wrong.
I know that this whole, it's a fictional thing, and I believe it is a fictional thing,
but it does not change the fact that Satan beats the hell
(16:51):
out of my head over and just smashes my head in and makes me
feel like this it doesn't change the fact of that i
mean what do you okay what do you think i mean i bet there's a lot a lot of
people out there who feel something similar or have yours is geared more toward
moral things but other people are just so plagued in their mind by so many different
things they probably identify with you a lot right now.
(17:15):
It sounds, even when you say that, it sounds- Does it sound,
what does it sound like to you? It sounds insane and it doesn't make any sense.
Does it really sound insane?
Because that's the breach, that's the bridge that I can, it's like a structure
on one side and a structure on the other, or however,
or land on one side, land on the other, and there's this bridge in between that
people say that there's this bridge that is actually there, that what you're saying is insane.
(17:39):
I cannot see the bridge. I cannot see the connector that makes it insane.
Saying there's something blocking my mind that i cannot see
it because that's just the whatever messed
up part of your brain that is not logical you know
i see things logically and i
can see clearly i don't have that it doesn't god it's not it's not an oath it's
(18:00):
not god knows your heart he knows what you were feeling in that moment and then
years ago he knows it's not like you're hide you can hide anything from them
and i i know it's it's crazy and i i was just.
Wanted to make it absolutely clear when i did it i did not and i said the most
crazy thing imaginable so that it would be like that it would have been like
(18:23):
is in the same level as i take an oath not to breathe anymore or i take an oath
to whatever but then it doesn't change the fact that it just just,
it drives me insane.
Well, and that's just right where the devil wants you. Like,
he wants to make you feel ineffective, and he wants you to drive you away from God.
And this is what it is. It is making me paralyzed. It makes me not able to do
(18:46):
the things that I want to do. It makes me just...
Completely cower and just completely have lose
hope or anything for that you know and so this
is like almost like the counter of what i
would want to like because this but this episode was
going to be about and what it is about is about peace so it's like how how can
i share this stuff and seem like i'm so off my rocker seem like i am such an
(19:10):
insane individual and how can i because i i live in the world like right now
i i feel like even maybe it's safe for me to do this because I am do as I say, not as I do.
Because if you saw how I do, it would not be beneficial to you.
It would just completely confuse you and make you say like, man,
like he has not got to get, why should I take anything he says seriously?
(19:32):
So it's like, so like almost this whole doing this morning coffee and Bible
is just a way just to show, like I want to explain and talk about Jesus,
tell about the Bible, tell about, give people hope and inspiration.
But it's like, I'm such a broken individual. How would I ever even make it?
Because that's the people who God uses.
I think whenever I listen to
the ones where you do talk about your struggles, I identify more with it.
(19:56):
I don't want to talk to someone who thinks they have their life all together.
I want someone who's like me. But you are not like me at all.
I have different things that I struggle with.
Anybody can identify more with you. if you're the thing is most people if they
would just struggle with that they would just be like this god thing is not
(20:17):
worth it for me you're still crawling and striving and wanting god,
in spite of all this pain you could just turn your back on it but you can't
you do have peace really in the back of your mind knowing he's there for me
i'm a christian i am saved it's not a matter like for me it's not a matter of
like i like being like i know that that but it's like Like, it's the,
(20:38):
I just want to be with him now because it's like, it's so tough now, you know?
And I just want to get, you know, I want to be with Jesus, you know?
It's like, and I'm very open about that with you, you know? At least maybe like, you know what I mean?
I want to, that's, I, because just being on this side of the veil, it's extremely tough.
(20:59):
It's extremely tough, you know? Well, it's extremely tough for a lot of people
in a lot of different ways.
And yours is mental. It's with you a lot.
And I kind of always think of you like Paul, like he had a thorn in his side
or whatever. I don't even know what it is.
Something he struggled with, but he kept on striving. That's you.
(21:20):
And he did a lot of good, and you can do a lot of good. You already have.
Yeah. I mean, it's causing me to really rethink a lot of things.
And I mean, maybe this has been on my mind lately, and I really,
really questioned myself and doubted if I would ever share it.
I've shared it with some people. I've shared it with my pastor.
(21:41):
I've shared it with Jesse, and I've shared it with my mom last night.
I shared it with her, and now it's out there for anyone, anyone that would see it, you know, so.
It's, so it's like, you see the morning coffee and Bible guy,
throw that in my face, you know, he can't even read the Bible, whatever,
you know, that's how I feel, you know, I feel like if you even saying that,
people, I feel like trolls would come out of the, under the bridges and start
(22:05):
doing that, you know, but whatever,
you know, you can throw the Bible in my face, I'll be glad to receive it,
you know, I love the Bible, that's what is so painful, that is what just crushes
my heart and my soul is because I love the Bible so much.
I want to just inhale the Bible. I want to shoot it into my veins.
Then do it and laugh in the devil's face, you know, because it's not a thing.
(22:29):
It's not anything what you did out of this painful, sarcastic remark you did not mean.
And you know it. It's just live it.
You just take in as much as you can and laugh in his face.
And i said go ahead and i've said over and over to
the devil like i've said like take i i am
take i take an oath that i will read the bible you
(22:51):
know and it's like and then he just throws in my face like well
you took the other one first yeah you took the other one first so you can't
do that you know it's like it's the same way like i always just think about
like how does anyone even go on tv and pretend to marry someone and take their
vows in front of someone that's the accusation that my mind would feel like
if i if it utters out of my mouth i've said it my word is spoken I cannot break it.
(23:13):
And then, but it's like almost even much of a, it's like almost handcuffs to
be thrown on me as it takes an actual oath. I don't know.
It's so twisted how this all even came about. And because it all started off
at that church event, you know, we went with your parents and I was like in
like a moment of like giving myself to the Lord. And I said, yes, yes, Lord.
(23:36):
And I think the only word I was saying was yes.
But in my mind, I was saying something else. And then so the devil came and
he just said, you've said yes to this. Now I'm going to hold you to this.
And it just, and he just compiles, he just piles it up, throws more and more
stuff on there. You, you, you took an oath by just saying yes.
And, and always, it's just, it destroys me because I just, I just think there's
(24:00):
so many places in the Bible talks about an oath or a vow or whatever.
And, and then I think of Jephthah, you know, he said he took an oath,
a rash oath to, that he would sacrifice whatever came out of his house.
And then there's debate whether his daughter came out of her house when he came
back from battle, and then he sacrificed her.
And that meant he literally killed her and sacrificed her, or she just did not
(24:24):
marry. That's the debate.
But I've even heard somebody I very much respect, and I'm always hesitant to
say people's actual names on this, but it was a professor of mine that I really
respect. And I remember him saying that it was against that.
Almost that Jephthah was doing something wrong by taking that oath,
(24:47):
but to follow through with it was even more wrong.
I don't know, and I might be butchering that because that was years ago.
But if he did actually sacrifice his daughter who came running out of her house
when she was wanting to celebrate with him because he came back from battle.
But he took that rash oath.
He said, Lord, whatever comes out of my house, I will sacrifice.
(25:07):
Why he took that in the first place.
These are the types of things, because I love reading the Bible.
I love the stories, the true historical accounts of the Bible, what it gives.
And I love it so much that Satan almost took, he undercut me.
Who would have thought that Satan would undercut me? I know,
that's the whole key. Why are you surprised?
He's the father of lies and doubt. And that is the stamp of what you're saying right now.
(25:33):
Why are you even entertaining thoughts like that when you know that's him?
Him because i are not of god i do
know that's him but it doesn't it's it's like
someone like has like an air horn and just blowing it in my ear and no matter
how much i know that that air horn is not real i know it's still blaring in
(25:54):
my ear and i can't think straight it doesn't stop you know it like no matter
how much i don't want to i that i can overthink it i can overcome it i I don't,
it doesn't stop the megaphone being shouted in my face, you know?
And like, and I think, I think some people dependent on their chemical makeup
and also I mean that, I mean that in itself,
(26:17):
like just people that struggle with depression or anything like that,
like it could be, there could be instances where there is a demon there,
you know, like where we think of it as someone has schizophrenia or someone has whatever
kind of disease in the New Testament,
almost like those kind of characteristics were told to be a demon.
(26:38):
That that was what we called as in this, we have a better understanding,
a scientific explanation for what it is. And their terminology, it's a demon.
And it's like, when's it not a demon? When is it a demon kind of thing?
And it's like, or is it sometimes both? Or I don't know.
I'm all over the place. You think it's one or the other?
Or you think it's sometimes? I think it's, I'm not saying a Christian like you
(27:03):
can be possessed by a devil.
I don't know the different degrees of that or whatever, but you can be tortured
from the outside by a demon.
Yeah. To me, I wouldn't say I'm possessed by the devil.
Yeah, I would make that kind of distinction that a Christian can't be possessed by the devil.
But the devil's main job is to hurt God. How does he hurt God?
(27:23):
He hurts the saints, and that's Christians.
So why are we surprised? Why not you? Yeah.
Well okay so today i am wanted to talk about
and just this is just as you as you
can see i wanted to talk about having calm with within the chaos which is peace
i'm showing you a lot of chaos you're seeing a lot of chaos out there and what
how i feel and maybe some of you all can relate to that i don't know but i think
(27:49):
it's important to have some somebody to to talk to about it Like you have me,
you know, and like don't just hold it in and just think anybody out there hold
it in and think these things that are not true.
Because you feel how you feel very strongly, even though for me on the outside,
I'm like, that's not true at all. It's so obvious.
(28:09):
And I get mad at you sometimes because I'm like, why can't you see this? You're a smart guy.
But talk to someone who is like anchored in reality.
But like I told you, like when I talk to people, when I, even when I,
the people I've talked to, you feel like they don't really care.
Share they like and they like yeah that's the the perception I get and I understand that because.
(28:34):
If I'm on the other side of the fence I got my own issues I got my own problems
it's tough and so I like it's that's why it's always been tough for me because
it's like if I share with someone like I like do they really get me do they
really understand and I'm probably doing a terrible job of explaining it and
that's why I've always struggled with accountability partners having an accountability partner,
like, because if you're, if you're just sharing someone like the struggles that
(28:58):
you're going with and you don't get that reciprocation from them,
all you do is feel like a piece of shit, you know, a piece of crap,
you know, or whatever, a piece of crap, you know what I mean?
Like you just, that's, that's cause I've had that where I, and,
and it was probably me not like maybe having that established relationship with
someone and going into it as in like,
(29:19):
almost like I felt like I was just telling them just
to kind of get it off my chest as opposed to them telling
you something as well yeah i guess but like i
like i think like you said you do project on people what you think
everybody does that we fortune tell we think we know what they're thinking like
it's probably not even true what you're thinking you don't want to tell some
random person but yeah you have to have a relationship with them and be safe
(29:42):
enough with them you know but like the when i've have told about like like even
what we talked about like this when i've shared it with people you know like.
They don't get it. You know what I mean? It's like people don't get it.
And I would probably, maybe it's just this imperfect existence that we have
with one another where we, I don't know.
(30:02):
I think I just, I need a lot of help. A lot of help.
We all do. And maybe that's why people pay a therapist. Maybe that's why people pay a therapist.
Other people, I don't know. People do care.
I don't know. Might scratch that part. That's just, either way.
So I'll try to tidy this up, bring it into
like some type of piece and thing i'm gonna i'm gonna save that
(30:24):
as the deer pants for the water you know that's one of my favorite
verses like i like i don't want to waste it on something like this
you know this is perfect for it though it's one of my favorite verses you know
like this is perfect for it you just said you basically did because when i i
might as well whenever i talk about like the my favorite verse in the bible
like psalm 42 1 and it talks about as the deer pants for the water,
(30:48):
so pants my soul for you, oh God.
That is one of the most, that's the biggest thing, but it's like,
it's almost like, it almost gets sliced and diced in front of me.
Almost that pretty little deer gets sliced and diced in front of me when I think
about like, I can't pursue and chase after God because I felt the most pursuing
and chasing after God with the Bible.
(31:10):
When I got to read the Bible, when I got to just absorb and
consume and saturate myself inside the bible and
i feel like i can't do that you know that's why it's get so
there's just so much injustice in this world and this is
one of them just hearing you say that it's just so it's messed
up it's twisted i know it's twisted i'm sorry you have to go through that i
want you to just don't worry about it i know but i'm gonna i'm gonna read it
(31:35):
all to you you know that's why like it so you all can know what's happening
in my head for future videos you You know, whenever I would read the Bible,
I almost have to struggle through it, you know, and because...
I have that voice in my head, you know, the twist up person that I am or whatever,
you know, just imagine there's like, just, there's just forces around us.
(31:55):
There's these spiritual forces, you know, and like, is it really whispering
into my mind and just like accusing me and making me feel like crap?
Or is there, is it like, just, is it all natural and materialistic?
I think, I think it's both, you know, we've got to get, I remember in,
remember at that church that I worked at, that school, we were in the pastor's
office and that picture of of the lighthouse with like the waves crashing all around it.
(32:19):
And like, I think that day you're going through something too.
And it's like, that is you, you know, like just because the waves are crashing,
you are safe and God and you're secure.
He knows what you're going through. Oh yeah.
So it's like, no matter what, like the chaos happening around us,
he, he knows and he understands.
He's, he knows your heart. It doesn't matter what sick things are bouncing around
(32:40):
in your head or whatever flies out of your mouth.
Like he knows, like you don't, But it's so tough. It's like,
I feel like the most disconnected with God and not close to Him when I pray to Him.
I mean, that itself could be a video that just talking about prayer.
But I, me personally, when I pray to God, I feel even more removed and more
disconnected from Him as when I'm consciously like, as in get on my knees or
(33:04):
on my face and trying to pray to Him, I do not feel like I connect with Him at all.
And I feel like everything, it gets even louder that
as opposed to what i'm just in my day-to-day walking through
life and just talking to him i feel i feel
closer to him as opposed to when i want to
like i i because it all it is like just as
a form just like to get on your knees get on your your face you
(33:27):
know it's but it's like in that when i'm in that moment i
i feel not close to him i feel like even more
like the like the megaphone gets even louder
that i cannot see him i don't it's just i don't know
that's sad no i understand i get it it's just you have
more faith than any of us we'd be like forget praying forget
the bible it's hard to read anyway and
(33:48):
most of us struggle to want to read the bible i'm about
so far behind but that's like why over like
the last couple years i switched to audio listening to
the bible because that's not reading the bible that's not reading
the bible it's i know it's so freaking twisted it's messed
up this is raw i know you always
i think i just do that just to bring some some sanity to
(34:10):
my mind bring something like it's not feel
like a a loser a loser well that's what he wants you to feel like i know i know
i don't even want you to i know you need to let it out and voice it but it's
like don't give him the satisfaction i know i know i absolutely i know that
and that's the struggle i have that i don't want to be where i'm saying these things because.
(34:31):
What you start saying is what you start almost believing you're i'm trained
in my mind and i But it's so hard.
It's hard not to, you know, to say. I know. So many times throughout our life you said, but I feel...
Okay, it must be weird to know the truth and what's right, but feel physically
that something is wrong when it is not.
(34:51):
I tell you all the time, nothing is wrong. There's nothing to do.
I know. I know. All right. So I'm going to read a couple verses just so I give
you a little bit about this.
So I know this is different, but this is kind of sharing my struggles,
sharing kind of what we've gone through.
And I know it probably sounds insane to anybody that watches this.
I I know it sounds insane and crazy, you know? A loco, man, is loco.
(35:14):
But it doesn't, actually. What? People understand.
Really? I really, like, maybe they do. Maybe you do understand me. Maybe you all get me.
And I wish, I would never wish any of this stuff that I've gone through on somebody, ever, you know?
And that I feel like, I hope you don't understand in that sense.
(35:37):
But it's like, I know other people have other things that they're struggling
with, other things that might maybe make what I am going through,
in comparison, nothing. Who knows, you know?
So it's everybody... But you only have...
What's in front of you. You only have your experience and your emotions,
what you're, what you feel about the things you're going through.
(35:58):
So, so if anything, you, especially, you know, what struggle is and to keep,
no matter what, just keep striving towards God. Cause that's really the only
thing that can bring you peace.
Even if you feel like crap, sometimes he's the only thing that can bring you peace. Nothing else.
I know. I know. Yeah.
It's like, that's why it's like the doing. I mean, It's one thing to just talk
(36:21):
about things in life in general and things about everything,
you know, but it's like when you start talking about the Bible and Christianity
and it's like, it's almost tougher, you know, that's why it's like,
I've always thought about somebody being a pastor,
somebody being a preacher, because you have to almost live an above and beyond
(36:42):
life than everyone else, because everyone's going through that struggle,
but everybody's looking to you and to be able to get up there on Sunday morning,
no matter whatever you're feeling and going through and to put on the,
it's the best, you know, for everyone so that everybody gets that good vibe of,
hey, I want to become a Christian because I'm seeing someone.
That's like why I almost did not, I don't want this to ever be a Bible study
(37:05):
or a sermon whatsoever because I don't portray that at all, you know?
And it's like, if I even did that, but I love talking about this stuff and I
want to be of some use in God's hands to share with people Christ in some form.
I almost see this as I am trying to put it out there so that maybe it could
(37:26):
somehow open the conversation for anyone else that runs across it,
and they could, as in open up the conversation to talk with someone and it'd be helpful to them.
And then go to the real people, the real deal people that are going to bring you help.
I'm just kind of just the spur in your...
No, you got it backwards. Like, I want a pastor or whoever gets up there on
(37:50):
Sunday to tell me they're not perfect and they're struggling with stuff.
And this is how to do it. And that's kind of what you're doing, too. I'm trying.
All right. So I'm going to read a couple. I'm going to read a couple.
Yeah, you read it. Read it. Read it harder.
I'm going to read it so hard. All right. I'm going to read it. I'm in Satan's face.
(38:13):
That's the thing. Satan, he comes to me as in, he comes as an angel of light.
He comes as the, try to be the face of my father in heaven.
And he tries to be that, you know? And it's like, I got to like say,
no, you are not my father. You are not God. You don't even try to impersonate him.
You are the evil one. And that's the difference. You know, it's like,
(38:35):
I want to be able to distinguish the, I need to be able to distinguish the voice of my father in heaven,
as opposed to the voice of the enemy, me you know and
that's what it's so tough well like i said you
can distinguish it you might need my help
to bounce it off mail or something but you still feel
like it you know the difference but you still feel
(38:56):
like it you know so it feels real
because you feel it i know but as far
as i remember one of my friends's sisters she said
you christians you just use god as a crutch and i said
yes exactly can you imagine going
through this life all these things without him uh-huh
and she was mean in a bad way yeah and i was like absolutely are
(39:17):
you kidding me i can't do this i can't get around without
him he's absolutely my crutch all right so all
right psalm 42 1 this is my favorite verse in the bible and i'm gonna read it
says as the deer pants for the water brooks so pants my soul for you oh god
and that's it that's it i always love that verse because it It describes my
(39:38):
heart and it probably describes your heart out there as well.
As the deer, you think of this deer that just like is so thirsty.
He wants this so much and that's all he can think about. And he's chasing after it.
And I just always picture myself like I want to be the hunter and go after,
like I am chasing after God.
(39:59):
And these roadblocks get just thrown in my face and these things that just trip
me up and make me what I feel like useless for the kingdom.
It's totally the opposite. that your faith is so much stronger than the rest
of us. We don't have to fight and scratch to get to God.
We can barely get us off our butts when you're trying to, you want him so much
(40:20):
just because you feel like you're being pulled back.
God uses imperfect people, not the perfect people. All right.
So I had to give that to you, Psalm 42, 1.
You know, Jesse pulled it out of me, even though I was kind of going to back
out of that because I wanted to, because that is such a huge verse in my life and what I love.
All right, so I'm going to start pulling up some, giving you just,
I'm going to give you some text.
(40:41):
I'm going to give you some text, and I'm going to read it. I'm not going to have Jesse read it.
I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it. In your face, Satan.
Well, maybe that's something you can do when you have these thoughts.
The Lord rebuked those thoughts, which are from the devil. Which are the lies.
The Lord rebuked you. And it's like, I need to do that. I need to feel that, you know?
Well, but that's the thing. You might not feel it. It doesn't mean it's... I know.
(41:04):
That's the tough part. It's like, I want to feel it instead of just saying it.
Because you can say it over and over like a mantra, but it's like,
until you like, what you feel is like, what's in your blood and what you,
it's like, it's more, almost more experiential reality.
But I know it's not at the same time. It's not what's real, but it's like,
what you feel is what feels like it's real.
(41:25):
I don't know. Like, cause you can think all you want about something,
but it's like how you feel. Does that make sense? What I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe.
No, I do. But it's like, I've also in like researching all this stuff for you, it's like, but.
To your head like you have to give me an answer if it's true or
not i know that you can you can say what's true all
right so it's like that's what i mean i need to
(41:46):
start thinking about can you read the bible of course i can but that's like
i mean like my tongue gets grabbed you know and it's like in my heart you know
even though i feel and want to say it and and believe it it doesn't change and
i immediately do feel like like well that i i don't know maybe it's like Like, you know,
it's like, even like, I would hesitate.
(42:09):
I would hesitate. Well, you can hesitate, but then eventually you're going to
get to an answer and you have to go with that answer. That's where, that's the struggle.
That's the struggle. It's not supposed to be easy. I know it's, it's the thing.
It's like, I almost want to say I'm not a decisive person, but then I don't
want to even vocalize that I'm not a decisive person.
I want to be a decisive person. It doesn't matter what you say.
(42:30):
It's what you, your behavior, what you do.
Say whatever you want. I know. no, I need to say what I want.
Not just mean what I say. Say what I want.
No, I'm just saying that people say, say what you mean, mean what you say.
And that is a cool saying. That is a cool thing to say. All right, it'll take me a year.
I need somebody else finding things in the Bible and then giving it to me because
it takes me, I need to stop talking.
(42:51):
Because if I keep talking, I'll just keep talking and I don't get anywhere.
I just need to read these verses.
All right, so the rest of this episode is going to be giving you text.
The text that I love and I know you love it as well. So just receive it as the
word of God. I'm reading from the Bible. Okay.
Philippians 4, 6 through 7. It says, Be anxious for nothing,
(43:14):
but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving,
let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts
and minds through Christ Jesus.
We'll maybe end on that. We were supposed to begin on that. We're going to end on it.
The story of Jesus in the storm. We're going to end with it,
(43:35):
you know, end on the highest note.
This is Galatians 5, 22 through 23, very well-known passage.
It talks about the fruit of the Spirit. But the fruit of the Spirit is love,
joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control.
Against such there is no law.
(43:55):
So one of the fruits of the Spirit, the Spirit working within you,
it starts generating and creating peace. I think I've become more of a peaceful
person You know What do you think Peaceful meaning I don't know.
Nice i think i have more peace in my heart i
then i then i did for the longest period oh
(44:15):
yeah yeah definitely oh you
mean what do you think i've not you think in pieces and nice
no like my peacemaker i got my peacemaker you know no that's not at all in the
what we're talking about but maybe it is but like but fairly besides this little
hiccup you have been for a long time I'm more even keeled and you have been
(44:39):
peaceful. Is that what you mean?
I just, as an overall, like, I think I have general peace because I peace in
Christ, like ultimate peace I have, but it's like, I have these hiccups,
you know, that make me almost unfruitful, unprofitable for the kingdom or it feels like it, you know.
It's what you feel like, but the hiccups is what makes you a real person to
(45:00):
other people. And that's how, why we won't even listen to you.
I don't want to listen to you if you have it all together. like this these words
need to help me and whatever i'm going through okay all
right this is john 14 27 jesus says
to his his apostles he says peace i
leave with you my peace i give to
you not as the world gives do i give to you
(45:20):
let not your heart be troubled neither let it
be afraid that's awesome and then a couple more
it's nice to be reminded of that he's he's
telling us to not be afraid and we have his
peace it's there for us this is isaiah 26 3 you will keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you all right two more verses
(45:44):
we're going to read colossians 3 15 and then we'll end it on mark the story
about jesus in the storm all right.
Colossians 3.15, it says, And let the peace of God rule in your hearts,
to which also you were called in one body, and be thankful.
All right, we're going to read one more verse, and this is the story,
(46:05):
and it's recorded in, I believe, in all three synoptic gospels.
That's Matthew, Mark, and Luke.
I don't remember if it's in John or not, but this is the version of it from Mark's account.
Mark 4.35-41. I'm going to read you the whole story right here.
On the same day, when evening had come, he said to them, Let us cross over to the other side.
(46:28):
Now when they had left the multitude, they took him along in the boat as he
was, and other little boats were also with him.
And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat so that it was already filling.
But he was in the stern, asleep on a pillow.
And they awoke him and said to him, Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?
(46:50):
Then he arose, rose and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, peace, be still.
And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But he said to them, why are you so fearful?
How is it that you have no faith?
And they feared exceedingly and said to one another, who can this be that even
the wind and the sea obey him? I love that verse. I love it.
(47:14):
He's not bothered. Okay. All right. All right. So we're going to close it out.
I shared some struggles, shared some problems that I go through,
and I hope it can be a benefit to you.
I hope you can take something away. I'm very thankful. Jesse was here to be a part of it.
She, I was getting ready to do this and I was just really, really struggling.
And I said, can you come down here and be with me during this?
(47:37):
She didn't, I didn't think she knew I was going to have her actually hop on.
And so you all could I could hear her, but I'm very thankful for her.
I'm always terrible at saying that. I'm thankful because I'm not thankful for
you. I'm thankful for you for me.
Does that make sense? Does that make sense? Because I always say,
like, I'm so thankful for you, but I'm not. I'm not thinking,
(47:58):
no. You know what I'm saying?
You're not thinking right. I don't think right. Maybe things will start going
upwards, you know? Does that make sense at all? You're thankful.
For me. For me. I'm thankful for you. For me being here. Yeah.
I mean, it's for you. Okay.
All right. Disregard that whole remark. Okay. Jesse, I'm thankful that you were
(48:18):
here. Thank you, Jesse. I love you. Love you. I love you. Okay.
All right. So I hope you all can take something away from this.
I hope it can be a value and benefit to you that if Satan comes to you and he
wants to throw something in your face, you be louder and louder back at him
and tell him that Jesus says so.
You send Satan to your advocate.
(48:38):
Jesus is our advocate. So don't try to argue with that lawyer,
Satan, because he is an ancient attorney and he knows how to just trip us up
because he's well-seasoned in this affair.
He knows how to use the Bible against us and to accuse us in every way whatsoever.
When he came to Jesus, he accused Jesus and he used the Bible to do it.
(49:01):
And Jesus said the Bible right back at him and said it in the right context.
So Satan will twist the scriptures. So get used to that. So I hope that makes sense. Alright.
I hope you all have a wonderful day. Thank you for being a part of this and
I'll see you all in the next one.
Thanks honey. Love you.
Music.
(49:21):
So we hold on and enjoy the ride.
After all the ups and downs, this is our time. Enjoy the ride.
Can you see it? There's a distance. Hey, thanks for watching.
(49:44):
If you enjoyed this video, don't forget to give it a thumbs up and share it
with your friends. And if you're new here, hit that subscribe button and click
the bell icon so you never miss an episode.
Your support means the world to me, and it helps keep the content coming.
Until next time, stay blessed and keep shining.
Have you ever felt like the world around you is spinning out of control?
Like no matter how hard you try, you just can't find that elusive peace everyone talks about.
Picture this, you're in a tiny boat in the middle of a raging storm.
The wind is howling, the waves are crashing over the sides, and everything inside
you is screaming to panic.
But then you see him, Jesus, calmly sleeping untouched by the chaos.
(00:23):
How could he possibly sleep at a time like this? What does he know that we don't?
Today we're going to dive deep into the secret of that peace.
The kind of peace that doesn't make sense in the middle of life's storms.
The kind that defies logic and turns fear into faith.
Whether you're struggling with anxiety, overwhelmed by the demands of life,
(00:43):
or simply searching for that calm in the chaos, this episode is for you.
And we're not just talking about any peace, but the peace that Jesus himself
promised us. A piece that's powerful enough to calm the storm,
both around you and within you.
So, if you're ready to discover that piece, let's go!
So we hold on and enjoy the ride.
Music.
(01:09):
After all the ups and downs, this is our time. Enjoy the ride.
All right, we are going, we are live, we are rolling I'm looking at the love
of my life right now, the love of my life You know?
She's about 5'2", 5'5", is that what you are, 5'5"? Okay, 5'5",
(01:35):
and blue eyes She's giving me big eyes right now, big blue eyes And, what did you say?
I was trying to say weight Oh, I didn't want to say weight right now because
she is pregnant she is pregnant she oh gosh what did you say not live live it's,
recording live here we'll pull it up to you if you are going to talk i
(01:55):
would pull it up just so you can we can hear that beautiful voice okay and okay
just so there's no confusion right now i am talking to my wife her name is jesse
fogel and you should she has been on the podcast one time before you should
go check it out you can find it it's it's it's out there you know it's out there It's out there.
I wanted to kind of say, like, today I have my security blanket on,
(02:19):
and it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
You might think, well, he's just in front of a green screen.
That's why it's so see-through. No, it's actually pretty see-through in itself. It is.
It's beaten up. This has been through the ringer. It's like, look at that.
Look at that. I'm actually wearing a shirt underneath. If I wasn't wearing a
shirt underneath, it might be heyday all for y'all.
You know, my free fall, you know, free fall for y'all.
(02:41):
What do I do? I love this.
I love seeing her eyes. Really, I wanted Jessie to come down and be a part of this today.
Just to be there. She is the one that gives me strength in a lot of ways.
It helps me when I am not doing well.
And there's a lot of times I am not doing well.
(03:03):
So, and she helps me a lot through that, you know, and we've talked about it
in the video we had, as well as anyone that has interaction with us in real life.
You all do see that we, you kind of know our vibe, you know, how we roll.
We just roll with the dough. We roll with the dough.
I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. I've lost all, I've lost all connection
(03:24):
with reality. I am, I am just a floating dismembered, this, this body, honey, I don't know.
I don't know the things that this is why I brought her down.
I, I, she had, she had to be here, you know, and I know you all can't see her right now.
We don't have a camera on. This was like, kind of like on the fly seat of our
(03:47):
pants, figuring it out as we go.
Yeah. I I've been struggling, struggling. If you caught my video last week,
you know, I've been struggling. And if you caught the week before,
you saw something building up.
You saw things, things happening, a lot of things happening that,
and I'm trying to overcome, trying to overcome. We are always over, we are overcomers.
If you're a Christian, you are an overcomer. You know, what has overcome this world?
(04:10):
Even our faith, our faith overcomes this world that, I mean,
I mean, I can talk about just our faith in general and getting through life,
but like in the context of marriage as well,
you know, a lot of times it might sound bad saying this, but like,
marriage is tough you know we go through our ups and downs struggles together you know and i mean.
(04:31):
The glue that keeps me and my wife, me and my, is that me, my wife and I together,
that keeps us together is Jesus. Jesus, you know, he is the one.
I mean, I, this might be TMI, but I mean, I've heard people talk about this,
that are Christians, you know, like if it weren't for Jesus,
if it weren't for Jesus, you know, and for, I don't know, do you think anything
(04:52):
about that, Jesse, what I'm saying?
Like in the context of just me and you, you know, I know. Oh, one second.
Hello? Hello? Hey, Zach. Zach, what's going on?
Yeah, we were going to come over there.
(05:14):
Oh, cool. Awesome. I think mom said they got like a one lane you can go through now?
Oh,
awesome. That's great. Okay, cool. Thanks, Zach.
We'll we'll be heading over there in just a bit all right
all right bye zach yeah like i don't
know jesse what i'm all over the map right now and it's
(05:37):
i don't know what can you bring some sanity to my life jesse
can you can you you got any you usually get you help me through the the storm
you know you help me through and make it worse no you don't no you don't here
i pull it to before i told you hold paula pull it toward no no no pull no it
is not good you can pull it Oh, man,
(05:57):
yeah, I think lately it's just, it's been tough.
It's been, what do you think? I mean, you, you've probably, it probably,
it's probably no different to you.
You're probably just used to, you know, what do you, I mean, what do you think?
And me in general, you know, like anything different or am I just,
am I just quirky and crazy as ever overall compared to what you used to be here about, like.
(06:21):
100 times better why do you say that it used
to be really bad bad yeah like what
okay why do you say bad just really
depressed and anxious all the time now it's
just an occasional flare-up that's not near as bad as
it used to be but how do you not have that like do
you ever have that like like i think is it
(06:41):
just like the way that you're kind of wired and made up that
you do not struggle like like the things that i have yeah
just genetics i guess i
mean i should talk about other things but because that's been like you
know like you probably when we got when we got when
we got hitched you you didn't see a lot of the things like and i i think a lot
of the stuff came out after we got married like like it really i i don't know
(07:04):
it seems like everything got really crazy after i got married but what do you
think well i mean when you're at home you can finally be yourself and we didn't
live together until after we were married so you were never home.
With me yeah and so it's like when you when you're married
then you just you just start seeing everything that everybody can just
have like kind of walls and like kind of things that just cover up
(07:25):
you know but it really did feel like i
don't know it felt like a darkness came over me after we got married you
know like pretty quickly i can remember within the month you know
it was weird like and i like things got
really bad quick and i don't know
if it's just spiritual warfare or what but it's i
i don't i don't even like reliving that that kind of stuff
(07:46):
but maybe going through it i it's almost
i do i want to let it just go to waste have gone through
that stuff and it just be almost a waste and not talk about it and not share
with it because other people might be going through stuff who knows you know
already i feel like i've i've talked to a lot of people about well you've let
me talk to other people about you and it's already helped other people like
(08:08):
oh brina fogel he's such a nice guy.
Seems like he has it all together i'm like well did somebody did
anyone ever actually say that or do you think they just what it seemed
like i had it all together yeah what do you
what do you mean everybody does they they that they have it all together or
they just thought they think you do you're such a nice and easygoing guy i said
he's not easygoing he's pretty anxious and depressed guy but nobody sees that
(08:32):
except me at home yeah i mean yeah it was really bad you know like i think,
that's where i think it is a lot of just the chemical like because it's almost
like you need it like that something's like messed up in in the mind you know
like and like there's chemicals that need rewiring before i mean i don't know
there's the spiritual component but then there's just the biological component it feels like and.
(08:56):
I think I needed that biological, you know what I mean?
Things that were just not firing right in my head, in my brain,
were just not going in the right spots.
I always think of it just in the way that I think and the way that I get really
screwed up and messed up is I feel like my head is inflamed.
(09:18):
I don't know what I mean. And it's just full of blood.
And I can't think or see straight. And I can't rationalize and reason.
It's called an anxiety attack probably but that's not
what i'm i i don't know is it like all the time
like well back when it was bad all the time like that no
i and i'm talking about just in general as in like things
that i cannot that i there's something that is
(09:40):
just accused in me and making me feel like crap and i can't
i can't see that where i'm i
shouldn't feel that way i i can't like there's a
there's a bridge over here and here and you're saying that everything's
okay but to me like there's nothing like there's there's a chasm and it's not
lining up there's something hidden and i and i feel like some i've done something
(10:02):
or i'm doing something wrong and i can't see where you're saying that everything's
okay i don't know i know that doesn't make sense but like it makes sense well
we look we kind of figured out you have.
Scrupulosity which is moral ocd you
always think you're in trouble you think god's mad at you but you
know the bible more than anyone i know and you know
(10:24):
that's not true and your logical part of your brain but and you keep
wanting me to help you and tell you if i have to tell you over and over but i
can see you trying to grasp it that you
you you're i don't know whatever part in
your brain is not letting you grasp it but like
and really it's it's
not been like that lately i i don't even know it's but
(10:45):
it's still kind of like that you know i i always feel like my
mind always selects one thing and all
and all it needs is one thing to make me feel like crap and
it's like there it's like my mind is on a constant radar it's detection as in
zooming across the the everything the corridors of my mind and just trying to
find something to detect and once it finds one thing that's all it needs and
(11:09):
it just wants to just obsess over that one thing over and over.
And, and as soon as I could, Oh, get past that and like move on past that,
it would just like do a whole nother sweep of my mind to find whatever.
And it's always in that, that mode of like looking for something. And I, I.
(11:30):
And that's where it is kind of both, it's OCD, it's obsessive compulsive disorder,
it's a disorder, but who's in charge of disorder? It's the devil.
And, you know, you know you're forgiven, you know you're, you know,
you move past things, but he won't let you.
And he makes you feel worthless, and that's what he wants.
I know. And right now, it's like, it's the one thing that we've talked about,
(11:53):
and I've, and I even shared with my mom yesterday that the devil just accuses me over and over,
and I feel kind of weird even saying it, whether I'll let this go out or not,
but I feel guilty when I read the Bible.
I feel like I'm sinning when I read the Bible, and that in itself might sound
(12:18):
completely insane saying to anyone that hears that.
And it's because of this thing that I uttered years and years ago,
where I was in shambles and I was going through hell.
And in a moment of desperation, because the devil had just...
Because my mind takes the words of Jesus so seriously when he says as almost
(12:45):
your yes, yes, and your no, no, that if you say something,
you are taking it upon you as that is your word, and you cannot alter or break
your word, almost like an oath.
And so I don't know. I know the circumstances, if you want me to tell it.
No, but it was even past that. It was way back when.
(13:06):
I don't even relive this, but it's so freaking messed up because it's like The
devil takes the things that are so good and pure and twists the hell out of them.
And that's what drives me so crazy. That's why you see me get so riled up that
I start spitting everything because I can't see or think straight.
But he takes the... I remember it all started, and there's millions of other
(13:30):
things that would accuse me or whatever, but this is one thing that has just driven me insane.
Years and years ago, when we were at a revival, it was at like a church event,
and I was saying to the—I don't even remember,
and I almost shouldn't even open up that can of worms and relive it,
but I was almost saying to God,
yes, to something, and I was in a moment of purity, like, I'm giving myself
(13:56):
to you, and I'm going to cut this thing off in my life, and I'm saying yes.
Well, my twisted and perverted mind took that and made that an oath.
I've made an oath and I've took that upon me by just saying the word yes.
Fast forward years and years later, I'll give my version. You can tell what you think.
Fast forward years and years later where we were upstairs in our house and just,
(14:19):
I'm getting beat over the head with this and just being miserable over something
that I had said years prior.
And then again, I was just completely broken.
And I said, I wanted to say the most outlandish, crazy thing ever and take an oath upon it.
And, but I was not meaning an oath. I was not meaning to take an oath or promise
(14:42):
or whatever, whatever have you.
And I said, and I was really careful with what I was doing, but I wanted to
almost say like, oh, I take an oath.
And I even did like the quotation marks. And to me, quotation marks means you're
saying something that's wrong and you don't mean it.
And I wanted to absolutely make it clear that I'm not really taking an oath.
(15:02):
But I said, I take an, like, I wanted to almost say like, I take an oath that
I won't be able to breathe anymore.
But I said like I take an oath that I won't read
the Bible anymore and I did like quotes or I said something like that
and then for since then and forever since then
that Satan has accused me that whenever I read the Bible or whenever I want
(15:22):
to read the Bible and desire it I am sinning I am and I don't know that's my
version of it that's right it was in complete sarcasm and you were just hurting
and you just wanted to show that.
The stupidest, outlandish thing would still bind you in your mind.
But yeah, I did not, I was not meaning it as like an actual,
(15:43):
like, I didn't think that was a real thing. It was.
Yeah. And that's the turmoil of my mind that has been in lately.
It's been over this specific event, this specific circumstance or whatever,
this thing that has been thrust upon me that I may be thrust upon myself.
And so whenever I see the word vow, oath, oath or anything in the Bible, it triggers me.
(16:07):
I get triggered because it reminds me and causes me to remember and instantly
makes me feel guilty and destroyed and hurt.
Because I am reminded of this event, of this thing that I said and did not mean whatsoever.
Whatsoever, but like, and no matter how much I want to get past it,
(16:29):
it's like, because it makes me think of the verse, like, because it says in
the Bible, let your words,
Solomon wrote it in Ecclesiastes, like, don't be hasty in uttering a vow or
an oath, and I was stupid, and I did that, but it's like, I know that it's wrong.
I know that this whole, it's a fictional thing, and I believe it is a fictional thing,
but it does not change the fact that Satan beats the hell
(16:51):
out of my head over and just smashes my head in and makes me
feel like this it doesn't change the fact of that i
mean what do you okay what do you think i mean i bet there's a lot a lot of
people out there who feel something similar or have yours is geared more toward
moral things but other people are just so plagued in their mind by so many different
things they probably identify with you a lot right now.
(17:15):
It sounds, even when you say that, it sounds- Does it sound,
what does it sound like to you? It sounds insane and it doesn't make any sense.
Does it really sound insane?
Because that's the breach, that's the bridge that I can, it's like a structure
on one side and a structure on the other, or however,
or land on one side, land on the other, and there's this bridge in between that
people say that there's this bridge that is actually there, that what you're saying is insane.
(17:39):
I cannot see the bridge. I cannot see the connector that makes it insane.
Saying there's something blocking my mind that i cannot see
it because that's just the whatever messed
up part of your brain that is not logical you know
i see things logically and i
can see clearly i don't have that it doesn't god it's not it's not an oath it's
(18:00):
not god knows your heart he knows what you were feeling in that moment and then
years ago he knows it's not like you're hide you can hide anything from them
and i i know it's it's crazy and i i was just.
Wanted to make it absolutely clear when i did it i did not and i said the most
crazy thing imaginable so that it would be like that it would have been like
(18:23):
is in the same level as i take an oath not to breathe anymore or i take an oath
to whatever but then it doesn't change the fact that it just just,
it drives me insane.
Well, and that's just right where the devil wants you. Like,
he wants to make you feel ineffective, and he wants you to drive you away from God.
And this is what it is. It is making me paralyzed. It makes me not able to do
(18:46):
the things that I want to do. It makes me just...
Completely cower and just completely have lose
hope or anything for that you know and so this
is like almost like the counter of what i
would want to like because this but this episode was
going to be about and what it is about is about peace so it's like how how can
i share this stuff and seem like i'm so off my rocker seem like i am such an
(19:10):
insane individual and how can i because i i live in the world like right now
i i feel like even maybe it's safe for me to do this because I am do as I say, not as I do.
Because if you saw how I do, it would not be beneficial to you.
It would just completely confuse you and make you say like, man,
like he has not got to get, why should I take anything he says seriously?
(19:32):
So it's like, so like almost this whole doing this morning coffee and Bible
is just a way just to show, like I want to explain and talk about Jesus,
tell about the Bible, tell about, give people hope and inspiration.
But it's like, I'm such a broken individual. How would I ever even make it?
Because that's the people who God uses.
I think whenever I listen to
the ones where you do talk about your struggles, I identify more with it.
(19:56):
I don't want to talk to someone who thinks they have their life all together.
I want someone who's like me. But you are not like me at all.
I have different things that I struggle with.
Anybody can identify more with you. if you're the thing is most people if they
would just struggle with that they would just be like this god thing is not
(20:17):
worth it for me you're still crawling and striving and wanting god,
in spite of all this pain you could just turn your back on it but you can't
you do have peace really in the back of your mind knowing he's there for me
i'm a christian i am saved it's not a matter like for me it's not a matter of
like i like being like i know that that but it's like Like, it's the,
(20:38):
I just want to be with him now because it's like, it's so tough now, you know?
And I just want to get, you know, I want to be with Jesus, you know?
It's like, and I'm very open about that with you, you know? At least maybe like, you know what I mean?
I want to, that's, I, because just being on this side of the veil, it's extremely tough.
(20:59):
It's extremely tough, you know? Well, it's extremely tough for a lot of people
in a lot of different ways.
And yours is mental. It's with you a lot.
And I kind of always think of you like Paul, like he had a thorn in his side
or whatever. I don't even know what it is.
Something he struggled with, but he kept on striving. That's you.
(21:20):
And he did a lot of good, and you can do a lot of good. You already have.
Yeah. I mean, it's causing me to really rethink a lot of things.
And I mean, maybe this has been on my mind lately, and I really,
really questioned myself and doubted if I would ever share it.
I've shared it with some people. I've shared it with my pastor.
(21:41):
I've shared it with Jesse, and I've shared it with my mom last night.
I shared it with her, and now it's out there for anyone, anyone that would see it, you know, so.
It's, so it's like, you see the morning coffee and Bible guy,
throw that in my face, you know, he can't even read the Bible, whatever,
you know, that's how I feel, you know, I feel like if you even saying that,
people, I feel like trolls would come out of the, under the bridges and start
(22:05):
doing that, you know, but whatever,
you know, you can throw the Bible in my face, I'll be glad to receive it,
you know, I love the Bible, that's what is so painful, that is what just crushes
my heart and my soul is because I love the Bible so much.
I want to just inhale the Bible. I want to shoot it into my veins.
Then do it and laugh in the devil's face, you know, because it's not a thing.
(22:29):
It's not anything what you did out of this painful, sarcastic remark you did not mean.
And you know it. It's just live it.
You just take in as much as you can and laugh in his face.
And i said go ahead and i've said over and over to
the devil like i've said like take i i am
take i take an oath that i will read the bible you
(22:51):
know and it's like and then he just throws in my face like well
you took the other one first yeah you took the other one first so you can't
do that you know it's like it's the same way like i always just think about
like how does anyone even go on tv and pretend to marry someone and take their
vows in front of someone that's the accusation that my mind would feel like
if i if it utters out of my mouth i've said it my word is spoken I cannot break it.
(23:13):
And then, but it's like almost even much of a, it's like almost handcuffs to
be thrown on me as it takes an actual oath. I don't know.
It's so twisted how this all even came about. And because it all started off
at that church event, you know, we went with your parents and I was like in
like a moment of like giving myself to the Lord. And I said, yes, yes, Lord.
(23:36):
And I think the only word I was saying was yes.
But in my mind, I was saying something else. And then so the devil came and
he just said, you've said yes to this. Now I'm going to hold you to this.
And it just, and he just compiles, he just piles it up, throws more and more
stuff on there. You, you, you took an oath by just saying yes.
And, and always, it's just, it destroys me because I just, I just think there's
(24:00):
so many places in the Bible talks about an oath or a vow or whatever.
And, and then I think of Jephthah, you know, he said he took an oath,
a rash oath to, that he would sacrifice whatever came out of his house.
And then there's debate whether his daughter came out of her house when he came
back from battle, and then he sacrificed her.
And that meant he literally killed her and sacrificed her, or she just did not
(24:24):
marry. That's the debate.
But I've even heard somebody I very much respect, and I'm always hesitant to
say people's actual names on this, but it was a professor of mine that I really
respect. And I remember him saying that it was against that.
Almost that Jephthah was doing something wrong by taking that oath,
(24:47):
but to follow through with it was even more wrong.
I don't know, and I might be butchering that because that was years ago.
But if he did actually sacrifice his daughter who came running out of her house
when she was wanting to celebrate with him because he came back from battle.
But he took that rash oath.
He said, Lord, whatever comes out of my house, I will sacrifice.
(25:07):
Why he took that in the first place.
These are the types of things, because I love reading the Bible.
I love the stories, the true historical accounts of the Bible, what it gives.
And I love it so much that Satan almost took, he undercut me.
Who would have thought that Satan would undercut me? I know,
that's the whole key. Why are you surprised?
He's the father of lies and doubt. And that is the stamp of what you're saying right now.
(25:33):
Why are you even entertaining thoughts like that when you know that's him?
Him because i are not of god i do
know that's him but it doesn't it's it's like
someone like has like an air horn and just blowing it in my ear and no matter
how much i know that that air horn is not real i know it's still blaring in
(25:54):
my ear and i can't think straight it doesn't stop you know it like no matter
how much i don't want to i that i can overthink it i can overcome it i I don't,
it doesn't stop the megaphone being shouted in my face, you know?
And like, and I think, I think some people dependent on their chemical makeup
and also I mean that, I mean that in itself,
(26:17):
like just people that struggle with depression or anything like that,
like it could be, there could be instances where there is a demon there,
you know, like where we think of it as someone has schizophrenia or someone has whatever
kind of disease in the New Testament,
almost like those kind of characteristics were told to be a demon.
(26:38):
That that was what we called as in this, we have a better understanding,
a scientific explanation for what it is. And their terminology, it's a demon.
And it's like, when's it not a demon? When is it a demon kind of thing?
And it's like, or is it sometimes both? Or I don't know.
I'm all over the place. You think it's one or the other?
Or you think it's sometimes? I think it's, I'm not saying a Christian like you
(27:03):
can be possessed by a devil.
I don't know the different degrees of that or whatever, but you can be tortured
from the outside by a demon.
Yeah. To me, I wouldn't say I'm possessed by the devil.
Yeah, I would make that kind of distinction that a Christian can't be possessed by the devil.
But the devil's main job is to hurt God. How does he hurt God?
(27:23):
He hurts the saints, and that's Christians.
So why are we surprised? Why not you? Yeah.
Well okay so today i am wanted to talk about
and just this is just as you as you
can see i wanted to talk about having calm with within the chaos which is peace
i'm showing you a lot of chaos you're seeing a lot of chaos out there and what
how i feel and maybe some of you all can relate to that i don't know but i think
(27:49):
it's important to have some somebody to to talk to about it Like you have me,
you know, and like don't just hold it in and just think anybody out there hold
it in and think these things that are not true.
Because you feel how you feel very strongly, even though for me on the outside,
I'm like, that's not true at all. It's so obvious.
(28:09):
And I get mad at you sometimes because I'm like, why can't you see this? You're a smart guy.
But talk to someone who is like anchored in reality.
But like I told you, like when I talk to people, when I, even when I,
the people I've talked to, you feel like they don't really care.
Share they like and they like yeah that's the the perception I get and I understand that because.
(28:34):
If I'm on the other side of the fence I got my own issues I got my own problems
it's tough and so I like it's that's why it's always been tough for me because
it's like if I share with someone like I like do they really get me do they
really understand and I'm probably doing a terrible job of explaining it and
that's why I've always struggled with accountability partners having an accountability partner,
like, because if you're, if you're just sharing someone like the struggles that
(28:58):
you're going with and you don't get that reciprocation from them,
all you do is feel like a piece of shit, you know, a piece of crap,
you know, or whatever, a piece of crap, you know what I mean?
Like you just, that's, that's cause I've had that where I, and,
and it was probably me not like maybe having that established relationship with
someone and going into it as in like,
(29:19):
almost like I felt like I was just telling them just
to kind of get it off my chest as opposed to them telling
you something as well yeah i guess but like i
like i think like you said you do project on people what you think
everybody does that we fortune tell we think we know what they're thinking like
it's probably not even true what you're thinking you don't want to tell some
random person but yeah you have to have a relationship with them and be safe
(29:42):
enough with them you know but like the when i've have told about like like even
what we talked about like this when i've shared it with people you know like.
They don't get it. You know what I mean? It's like people don't get it.
And I would probably, maybe it's just this imperfect existence that we have
with one another where we, I don't know.
(30:02):
I think I just, I need a lot of help. A lot of help.
We all do. And maybe that's why people pay a therapist. Maybe that's why people pay a therapist.
Other people, I don't know. People do care.
I don't know. Might scratch that part. That's just, either way.
So I'll try to tidy this up, bring it into
like some type of piece and thing i'm gonna i'm gonna save that
(30:24):
as the deer pants for the water you know that's one of my favorite
verses like i like i don't want to waste it on something like this
you know this is perfect for it though it's one of my favorite verses you know
like this is perfect for it you just said you basically did because when i i
might as well whenever i talk about like the my favorite verse in the bible
like psalm 42 1 and it talks about as the deer pants for the water,
(30:48):
so pants my soul for you, oh God.
That is one of the most, that's the biggest thing, but it's like,
it's almost like, it almost gets sliced and diced in front of me.
Almost that pretty little deer gets sliced and diced in front of me when I think
about like, I can't pursue and chase after God because I felt the most pursuing
and chasing after God with the Bible.
(31:10):
When I got to read the Bible, when I got to just absorb and
consume and saturate myself inside the bible and
i feel like i can't do that you know that's why it's get so
there's just so much injustice in this world and this is
one of them just hearing you say that it's just so it's messed
up it's twisted i know it's twisted i'm sorry you have to go through that i
want you to just don't worry about it i know but i'm gonna i'm gonna read it
(31:35):
all to you you know that's why like it so you all can know what's happening
in my head for future videos you You know, whenever I would read the Bible,
I almost have to struggle through it, you know, and because...
I have that voice in my head, you know, the twist up person that I am or whatever,
you know, just imagine there's like, just, there's just forces around us.
(31:55):
There's these spiritual forces, you know, and like, is it really whispering
into my mind and just like accusing me and making me feel like crap?
Or is there, is it like, just, is it all natural and materialistic?
I think, I think it's both, you know, we've got to get, I remember in,
remember at that church that I worked at, that school, we were in the pastor's
office and that picture of of the lighthouse with like the waves crashing all around it.
(32:19):
And like, I think that day you're going through something too.
And it's like, that is you, you know, like just because the waves are crashing,
you are safe and God and you're secure.
He knows what you're going through. Oh yeah.
So it's like, no matter what, like the chaos happening around us,
he, he knows and he understands.
He's, he knows your heart. It doesn't matter what sick things are bouncing around
(32:40):
in your head or whatever flies out of your mouth.
Like he knows, like you don't, But it's so tough. It's like,
I feel like the most disconnected with God and not close to Him when I pray to Him.
I mean, that itself could be a video that just talking about prayer.
But I, me personally, when I pray to God, I feel even more removed and more
disconnected from Him as when I'm consciously like, as in get on my knees or
(33:04):
on my face and trying to pray to Him, I do not feel like I connect with Him at all.
And I feel like everything, it gets even louder that
as opposed to what i'm just in my day-to-day walking through
life and just talking to him i feel i feel
closer to him as opposed to when i want to
like i i because it all it is like just as
a form just like to get on your knees get on your your face you
(33:27):
know it's but it's like in that when i'm in that moment i
i feel not close to him i feel like even more
like the like the megaphone gets even louder
that i cannot see him i don't it's just i don't know
that's sad no i understand i get it it's just you have
more faith than any of us we'd be like forget praying forget
the bible it's hard to read anyway and
(33:48):
most of us struggle to want to read the bible i'm about
so far behind but that's like why over like
the last couple years i switched to audio listening to
the bible because that's not reading the bible that's not reading
the bible it's i know it's so freaking twisted it's messed
up this is raw i know you always
i think i just do that just to bring some some sanity to
(34:10):
my mind bring something like it's not feel
like a a loser a loser well that's what he wants you to feel like i know i know
i don't even want you to i know you need to let it out and voice it but it's
like don't give him the satisfaction i know i know i absolutely i know that
and that's the struggle i have that i don't want to be where i'm saying these things because.
(34:31):
What you start saying is what you start almost believing you're i'm trained
in my mind and i But it's so hard.
It's hard not to, you know, to say. I know. So many times throughout our life you said, but I feel...
Okay, it must be weird to know the truth and what's right, but feel physically
that something is wrong when it is not.
(34:51):
I tell you all the time, nothing is wrong. There's nothing to do.
I know. I know. All right. So I'm going to read a couple verses just so I give
you a little bit about this.
So I know this is different, but this is kind of sharing my struggles,
sharing kind of what we've gone through.
And I know it probably sounds insane to anybody that watches this.
I I know it sounds insane and crazy, you know? A loco, man, is loco.
(35:14):
But it doesn't, actually. What? People understand.
Really? I really, like, maybe they do. Maybe you do understand me. Maybe you all get me.
And I wish, I would never wish any of this stuff that I've gone through on somebody, ever, you know?
And that I feel like, I hope you don't understand in that sense.
(35:37):
But it's like, I know other people have other things that they're struggling
with, other things that might maybe make what I am going through,
in comparison, nothing. Who knows, you know?
So it's everybody... But you only have...
What's in front of you. You only have your experience and your emotions,
what you're, what you feel about the things you're going through.
(35:58):
So, so if anything, you, especially, you know, what struggle is and to keep,
no matter what, just keep striving towards God. Cause that's really the only
thing that can bring you peace.
Even if you feel like crap, sometimes he's the only thing that can bring you peace. Nothing else.
I know. I know. Yeah.
It's like, that's why it's like the doing. I mean, It's one thing to just talk
(36:21):
about things in life in general and things about everything,
you know, but it's like when you start talking about the Bible and Christianity
and it's like, it's almost tougher, you know, that's why it's like,
I've always thought about somebody being a pastor,
somebody being a preacher, because you have to almost live an above and beyond
(36:42):
life than everyone else, because everyone's going through that struggle,
but everybody's looking to you and to be able to get up there on Sunday morning,
no matter whatever you're feeling and going through and to put on the,
it's the best, you know, for everyone so that everybody gets that good vibe of,
hey, I want to become a Christian because I'm seeing someone.
That's like why I almost did not, I don't want this to ever be a Bible study
(37:05):
or a sermon whatsoever because I don't portray that at all, you know?
And it's like, if I even did that, but I love talking about this stuff and I
want to be of some use in God's hands to share with people Christ in some form.
I almost see this as I am trying to put it out there so that maybe it could
(37:26):
somehow open the conversation for anyone else that runs across it,
and they could, as in open up the conversation to talk with someone and it'd be helpful to them.
And then go to the real people, the real deal people that are going to bring you help.
I'm just kind of just the spur in your...
No, you got it backwards. Like, I want a pastor or whoever gets up there on
(37:50):
Sunday to tell me they're not perfect and they're struggling with stuff.
And this is how to do it. And that's kind of what you're doing, too. I'm trying.
All right. So I'm going to read a couple. I'm going to read a couple.
Yeah, you read it. Read it. Read it harder.
I'm going to read it so hard. All right. I'm going to read it. I'm in Satan's face.
(38:13):
That's the thing. Satan, he comes to me as in, he comes as an angel of light.
He comes as the, try to be the face of my father in heaven.
And he tries to be that, you know? And it's like, I got to like say,
no, you are not my father. You are not God. You don't even try to impersonate him.
You are the evil one. And that's the difference. You know, it's like,
(38:35):
I want to be able to distinguish the, I need to be able to distinguish the voice of my father in heaven,
as opposed to the voice of the enemy, me you know and
that's what it's so tough well like i said you
can distinguish it you might need my help
to bounce it off mail or something but you still feel
like it you know the difference but you still feel
(38:56):
like it you know so it feels real
because you feel it i know but as far
as i remember one of my friends's sisters she said
you christians you just use god as a crutch and i said
yes exactly can you imagine going
through this life all these things without him uh-huh
and she was mean in a bad way yeah and i was like absolutely are
(39:17):
you kidding me i can't do this i can't get around without
him he's absolutely my crutch all right so all
right psalm 42 1 this is my favorite verse in the bible and i'm gonna read it
says as the deer pants for the water brooks so pants my soul for you oh god
and that's it that's it i always love that verse because it It describes my
(39:38):
heart and it probably describes your heart out there as well.
As the deer, you think of this deer that just like is so thirsty.
He wants this so much and that's all he can think about. And he's chasing after it.
And I just always picture myself like I want to be the hunter and go after,
like I am chasing after God.
(39:59):
And these roadblocks get just thrown in my face and these things that just trip
me up and make me what I feel like useless for the kingdom.
It's totally the opposite. that your faith is so much stronger than the rest
of us. We don't have to fight and scratch to get to God.
We can barely get us off our butts when you're trying to, you want him so much
(40:20):
just because you feel like you're being pulled back.
God uses imperfect people, not the perfect people. All right.
So I had to give that to you, Psalm 42, 1.
You know, Jesse pulled it out of me, even though I was kind of going to back
out of that because I wanted to, because that is such a huge verse in my life and what I love.
All right, so I'm going to start pulling up some, giving you just,
I'm going to give you some text.
(40:41):
I'm going to give you some text, and I'm going to read it. I'm not going to have Jesse read it.
I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it. In your face, Satan.
Well, maybe that's something you can do when you have these thoughts.
The Lord rebuked those thoughts, which are from the devil. Which are the lies.
The Lord rebuked you. And it's like, I need to do that. I need to feel that, you know?
Well, but that's the thing. You might not feel it. It doesn't mean it's... I know.
(41:04):
That's the tough part. It's like, I want to feel it instead of just saying it.
Because you can say it over and over like a mantra, but it's like,
until you like, what you feel is like, what's in your blood and what you,
it's like, it's more, almost more experiential reality.
But I know it's not at the same time. It's not what's real, but it's like,
what you feel is what feels like it's real.
(41:25):
I don't know. Like, cause you can think all you want about something,
but it's like how you feel. Does that make sense? What I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe.
No, I do. But it's like, I've also in like researching all this stuff for you, it's like, but.
To your head like you have to give me an answer if it's true or
not i know that you can you can say what's true all
right so it's like that's what i mean i need to
(41:46):
start thinking about can you read the bible of course i can but that's like
i mean like my tongue gets grabbed you know and it's like in my heart you know
even though i feel and want to say it and and believe it it doesn't change and
i immediately do feel like like well that i i don't know maybe it's like Like, you know,
it's like, even like, I would hesitate.
(42:09):
I would hesitate. Well, you can hesitate, but then eventually you're going to
get to an answer and you have to go with that answer. That's where, that's the struggle.
That's the struggle. It's not supposed to be easy. I know it's, it's the thing.
It's like, I almost want to say I'm not a decisive person, but then I don't
want to even vocalize that I'm not a decisive person.
I want to be a decisive person. It doesn't matter what you say.
(42:30):
It's what you, your behavior, what you do.
Say whatever you want. I know. no, I need to say what I want.
Not just mean what I say. Say what I want.
No, I'm just saying that people say, say what you mean, mean what you say.
And that is a cool saying. That is a cool thing to say. All right, it'll take me a year.
I need somebody else finding things in the Bible and then giving it to me because
it takes me, I need to stop talking.
(42:51):
Because if I keep talking, I'll just keep talking and I don't get anywhere.
I just need to read these verses.
All right, so the rest of this episode is going to be giving you text.
The text that I love and I know you love it as well. So just receive it as the
word of God. I'm reading from the Bible. Okay.
Philippians 4, 6 through 7. It says, Be anxious for nothing,
(43:14):
but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving,
let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts
and minds through Christ Jesus.
We'll maybe end on that. We were supposed to begin on that. We're going to end on it.
The story of Jesus in the storm. We're going to end with it,
(43:35):
you know, end on the highest note.
This is Galatians 5, 22 through 23, very well-known passage.
It talks about the fruit of the Spirit. But the fruit of the Spirit is love,
joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness, self-control.
Against such there is no law.
(43:55):
So one of the fruits of the Spirit, the Spirit working within you,
it starts generating and creating peace. I think I've become more of a peaceful
person You know What do you think Peaceful meaning I don't know.
Nice i think i have more peace in my heart i
then i then i did for the longest period oh
(44:15):
yeah yeah definitely oh you
mean what do you think i've not you think in pieces and nice
no like my peacemaker i got my peacemaker you know no that's not at all in the
what we're talking about but maybe it is but like but fairly besides this little
hiccup you have been for a long time I'm more even keeled and you have been
(44:39):
peaceful. Is that what you mean?
I just, as an overall, like, I think I have general peace because I peace in
Christ, like ultimate peace I have, but it's like, I have these hiccups,
you know, that make me almost unfruitful, unprofitable for the kingdom or it feels like it, you know.
It's what you feel like, but the hiccups is what makes you a real person to
(45:00):
other people. And that's how, why we won't even listen to you.
I don't want to listen to you if you have it all together. like this these words
need to help me and whatever i'm going through okay all
right this is john 14 27 jesus says
to his his apostles he says peace i
leave with you my peace i give to
you not as the world gives do i give to you
(45:20):
let not your heart be troubled neither let it
be afraid that's awesome and then a couple more
it's nice to be reminded of that he's he's
telling us to not be afraid and we have his
peace it's there for us this is isaiah 26 3 you will keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you because he trusts in you all right two more verses
(45:44):
we're going to read colossians 3 15 and then we'll end it on mark the story
about jesus in the storm all right.
Colossians 3.15, it says, And let the peace of God rule in your hearts,
to which also you were called in one body, and be thankful.
All right, we're going to read one more verse, and this is the story,
(46:05):
and it's recorded in, I believe, in all three synoptic gospels.
That's Matthew, Mark, and Luke.
I don't remember if it's in John or not, but this is the version of it from Mark's account.
Mark 4.35-41. I'm going to read you the whole story right here.
On the same day, when evening had come, he said to them, Let us cross over to the other side.
(46:28):
Now when they had left the multitude, they took him along in the boat as he
was, and other little boats were also with him.
And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat so that it was already filling.
But he was in the stern, asleep on a pillow.
And they awoke him and said to him, Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?
(46:50):
Then he arose, rose and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, peace, be still.
And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. But he said to them, why are you so fearful?
How is it that you have no faith?
And they feared exceedingly and said to one another, who can this be that even
the wind and the sea obey him? I love that verse. I love it.
(47:14):
He's not bothered. Okay. All right. All right. So we're going to close it out.
I shared some struggles, shared some problems that I go through,
and I hope it can be a benefit to you.
I hope you can take something away. I'm very thankful. Jesse was here to be a part of it.
She, I was getting ready to do this and I was just really, really struggling.
And I said, can you come down here and be with me during this?
(47:37):
She didn't, I didn't think she knew I was going to have her actually hop on.
And so you all could I could hear her, but I'm very thankful for her.
I'm always terrible at saying that. I'm thankful because I'm not thankful for
you. I'm thankful for you for me.
Does that make sense? Does that make sense? Because I always say,
like, I'm so thankful for you, but I'm not. I'm not thinking,
(47:58):
no. You know what I'm saying?
You're not thinking right. I don't think right. Maybe things will start going
upwards, you know? Does that make sense at all? You're thankful.
For me. For me. I'm thankful for you. For me being here. Yeah.
I mean, it's for you. Okay.
All right. Disregard that whole remark. Okay. Jesse, I'm thankful that you were
(48:18):
here. Thank you, Jesse. I love you. Love you. I love you. Okay.
All right. So I hope you all can take something away from this.
I hope it can be a value and benefit to you that if Satan comes to you and he
wants to throw something in your face, you be louder and louder back at him
and tell him that Jesus says so.
You send Satan to your advocate.
(48:38):
Jesus is our advocate. So don't try to argue with that lawyer,
Satan, because he is an ancient attorney and he knows how to just trip us up
because he's well-seasoned in this affair.
He knows how to use the Bible against us and to accuse us in every way whatsoever.
When he came to Jesus, he accused Jesus and he used the Bible to do it.
(49:01):
And Jesus said the Bible right back at him and said it in the right context.
So Satan will twist the scriptures. So get used to that. So I hope that makes sense. Alright.
I hope you all have a wonderful day. Thank you for being a part of this and
I'll see you all in the next one.
Thanks honey. Love you.
Music.
(49:21):
So we hold on and enjoy the ride.
After all the ups and downs, this is our time. Enjoy the ride.
Can you see it? There's a distance. Hey, thanks for watching.
(49:44):
If you enjoyed this video, don't forget to give it a thumbs up and share it
with your friends. And if you're new here, hit that subscribe button and click
the bell icon so you never miss an episode.
Your support means the world to me, and it helps keep the content coming.
Until next time, stay blessed and keep shining.
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