June 17, 2024 • 48 mins
Welcome to this special update episode of "Next Mood Swing" with your host, Jesse. While there isn't a new episode of "Guns Blazing" this week, Jesse takes the opportunity to share some personal reflections and updates.
Jesse dives into a year of self-reflection, highlighting the importance of one-on-one connections over group settings. He shares insights into his creative journey, the evolution of his friendships, and the significance of setting boundaries.
From dealing with procrastination and redefining personal and professional goals to overcoming depression and understanding body dysmorphia, Jesse offers a candid look at his life. He also discusses the challenges of maintaining authenticity in the entertainment industry and the importance of creating positive content.
Tune in for an honest conversation about rediscovering oneself, setting boundaries, and the continuous journey of self-improvement.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What's up, y'all? Welcome to Next Mood Swing. I'm your host, Jesse.
I know we normally film guns blazing during this time, but we don't have a new episode this week.
You know, life be lifin'. You know, Julie had to handle some stuff.
So I know I had been gone a couple weeks prior, and I haven't dropped the next
Mood Swing episode in a minute.
(00:21):
So I was like, all right, I got to hold myself accountable and give
myself a reality check while also kind of updating you
guys on where my brain's been at and just how
I'm kind of moving right now I was talking
to a friend yesterday and I don't
know I just been in kind of one of these places in life for
(00:42):
the past year where I love going
out with people I love you know I mean turning up all that stuff but
this past year I feel like has been like a year of self-reflection
even in how I've like hung out with friends like honestly
like since being back in LA I feel
like a lot of my relationships and friendships have been like
not relationships and friendships a lot of
(01:04):
my friendships have been more one-on-one versus
like hanging out in group settings which is
kind of like how the Julie thing you know podcast happened
it was like you know we reconnected she came
into did my podcast and then we were hanging out and talking and
it just branched into something creative positive
(01:25):
and you know that's what I love about guns blazing
it was just there was no pressure behind it and that's why you know
we didn't drop an episode this week you know Julie gotta handle what
she's gotta handle and we said from the beginning that we weren't gonna put.
Pressure and we wanted this to be a very free-flowing thing because it just
happened and I I feel like that has been a consistent with like a lot of my
(01:49):
friendships this year, whether it's developing products.
Working on shows, brands with some of them.
It's helped me kind of in the past, I would kind of like let certain people
into my life thinking they were friends, thinking they were more than just an
acquaintance and giving that energy, you know, constantly.
(02:09):
And I feel like I've really like defined my core group of people and have really
been able to be in a safe space to be able to cultivate the type of people that I want in my life,
the type of content that I
want to present in my life which causes a
(02:30):
lot of procrastination not gonna lie because as far
as like creating the content right because I look at like next mood swing and
what I want it to be versus what it needs to be right now are two totally separate
things because what I want it to be the big picture it's like right now I'm
not in the place to be able to do that.
(02:52):
So it's like, what is the first step to be able to get to that place?
And that's why, you know, the one-on-one interviews, that's just easy to me
to sit down with somebody and just talk to somebody.
This is more of a harder thing for me, right? Just sitting in front of a camera and just talking.
It's like, I talk to myself all day. I literally work from home, live by myself.
(03:12):
I talk to myself all day. So to really build that. And the thing with TikTok
is you're live, but you're interacting with people.
So to do a live YouTube, it feels weird.
Like I'm not a vlogger. I've never been a vlogging type of person to walk around
with my camera everywhere.
And like, I don't even think to take pictures most of the time.
(03:33):
You know what I mean? I'm just experiencing in the moment life.
But yeah, I've kind of like realized that it's like these like expectations
that I would put on myself for next mood swing.
And it would cause me not to, even since tonight, it was like,
oh, well, you know, we didn't do an episode of Guns Blazing.
I wasn't even gonna do this.
I was like, no, you gotta start, you gotta stay consistent because you was doing
(03:56):
good at first and the one-on-one interviews,
they come easy and it was just something so that I could put something out there
to start building this confidence again in presenting
myself, putting content out there, getting myself excited to want to even do
it. You know what I mean? Because it's like, I'm good in life.
Like as far as like the whole, what I thought After Buzz was going to be and all that kind of stuff.
(04:20):
It's like COVID really changed my life.
COVID and my last relationship.
And it just kind of put everything in perspective. My brother having two kids put, changed my life.
You know what I mean? It was like, Like I needed to figure out a way that wasn't
because working in Hollywood, it's like you're dependent on whatever the next job is.
And it was like you get to a point after 10 years of doing that,
(04:44):
you're like, OK, this I need a consistent something. So it was like,
all right, how do I start my own company?
And then you start your own company. It's like doing this kind of stuff felt
so back burner to me, you know, but it's I love doing it. It was,
you know, I mean, 10 years of my life, six days a week, multiple shows a day.
(05:06):
You know what I mean? It builds up a really strong muscle in you.
I love doing stand up comedy, but, you know, doing after shows and stuff like
that is like I didn't really even need to do the circuit of comedy because it
was like I was able to do it through, you know, digital media.
But yeah, I feel like the past year has been, I just kind of thought about it,
(05:30):
I think it was last week with Julie,
that I've been in this like shadow work version of myself, really seeing what,
you know, things I want to change in my life, how they're showing up in certain areas,
how my, you know, because one thing that people don't ever talk
about with depression or overcoming something is
(05:51):
that weird feeling or like domestic violence or
things like that is like that weird feeling after you've acknowledged
it after you've done the work and then you're
living in the present of happiness you've rebuilt your life up it's a weird
feeling afterwards when you've treated yourself or talked to yourself bad for
(06:11):
so long to then be happy and you know therapy has helped so much.
I'm the biggest advocate for it because when I tell you, Miss T,
I promise y'all I'm going to get her on here.
She has been a mirror for me.
She's helped me out so much, but a lot of it is, and she'll say,
she's like, I'm a mirror.
(06:32):
She was like, I just want you to see what you've done in the past two years,
past three years. You said everything you set out to do, you did.
And a lot of the time, sometimes we don't have people in our lives to give us
that confirmation or even just an acknowledgement.
My parents, I love them to death, but they don't get LA.
(06:54):
To them, they, very Greek, it's like, why are you across the United States?
But I built a life here, friends here, friends who are family.
And at the end of the day, it's weird because it's like this love-hate thing
with entertainment, right?
It's like, I love the experience of it.
(07:17):
I hate the politics of it. I hate the negative things that come with it.
And we talk a lot about it on obviously Guns Blazin'.
But it's like there is an exhaustion to it. And it's a machine.
And it's like but there's now we live in this new age where it's like you can
create your own version of it.
(07:37):
And so that's why to me it's like I know the people out in L.A.
That I've inspired, helped. helped and want to help them create a,
you know, positive content, things to, you know.
Outbalance a lot of the negative stuff that we take in because everything is
about the content that we create.
(07:57):
Absorb right you know and again we talk about all the time when you watch stuff
like baddies and stuff like that i get it but it like i always said like when
i was talking loving hip-hop when i was,
vh1 hired me like that was the worst time in my life but from the outside that
would have looked like i was on top of the world and it was just like so all
(08:18):
that to learn through business all that kind of stuff and now that i kind of
have gotten to this place where you know financially financially I'm comfortable,
I had to start shifting my brain towards like, okay, the people in my life,
who are the people in my life? Who am I allowing in my circle?
Are they positive? Are they people who are feeding me?
(08:39):
You know, a lot of the times when you're playing the game, you.
Especially out here, it's like, I was just talking to my homegirl.
She was just on a, on a show that just came out right now.
And I was telling her about how I have this like tier system and
it's my spice rack and it's like you think
about spices you cook with every day right those are
your core people and then you have some spices
(09:01):
that's like you know you're really using cinnamon too much you know
but you know I might want to put in some tea put in something
so that goes on the second shelf then you get like paprika and
paprika goes on the top shelf because it's like once a
year you're making deviled eggs like you'd like the deviled eggs but it's
like I don't need paprika all the time right so
it's like learning how to create those boundaries with
(09:22):
friendships and people and putting them on a different tiers
to where i don't a lot of the times i would feel bad like
oh you know i told this person this it's like what do you owe this person what
has this person done for you do they only hit you up when it's their event when
it's something that they need are they hitting you up just to say hey you know
i mean for me i got caught up in being
(09:46):
really a people pleaser because it's easy for me I love listening to people
talk I love helping people you know what I mean but at the same time you do
that to a certain point you start exhausting yourself and it's like all right
well wait a minute hold on who feeding me right.
So like when it comes to next mood swing I started looking at the podcast and
(10:08):
being like okay I'm doing these interviews this is great it's still not what
I want it to be it feels sterile it's It's not as interactive as I want it to be.
You know, what was pausing? What was pausing me? What was kind of holding me
from doing what I actually wanted to do?
And then when I really look at it, it was just that feeling of feeling like being scared.
(10:30):
Really, it was just feeling like not enough. It's like I sit here with all the
equipment, all the things to do, plugged in, whatever.
It's like, but you're choosing not to set it up so that it can be an interactive
space so that someone can just walk in and we can just do the show. You know what I mean?
And it was like, where does that fear stem from? And Julie had said last week,
(10:51):
she was like, you know, I feel like you're holding back a lot.
She was like, I know you and it just feels like you're holding back. And it's true.
You know, it's like I'm in this place of rediscovering myself,
you know, who I am, what I've done.
Redefining my morals and values after dealing with shame, again,
(11:12):
darkness and stuff like that.
And that's a weird place to be in to
be in to be putting yourself back out there especially in
the past where it was like i was very much rewarded for bad
behavior it's like i was good
i'm great at reading i love a good read you know
what i'm saying because i read myself fulfilled i can see it
in others and that's i'm good at tearing things down
(11:35):
i am i will pop your bubble baby you know what
i'm saying like it's like but i do it for myself and that
there's a power in that there's a greatness in that and but
also you have to be careful with does
this person know your intent right and so
like with my friends a lot of them they do come to me to hear a hard you know
(11:55):
hard advice or something like that because they know it comes from a loving
place but where that translated talking about people on reality tv is like they
don't know me so yeah they're looking at me like who the fuck is this man talking
about you know i mean but it's hard for them to really be mad at me because it's like,
what I'm saying is like legit.
And I never cared because what I was saying was legit. And it's like,
(12:17):
hold yourself to a certain standard morals values. Right.
But then I cared and, you know, I started meeting people and seeing people cry.
I was like, well, I'm not trying to, I'm not a messy person in my real life.
Like I don't, I don't hurt anyone's feelings.
You couldn't find somebody that would be like, I hate him. I mean,
you probably could, but I would love to know why.
You know what I mean? Like he did me wrong or something like that.
(12:39):
Like, it's like, I live a pretty like simple minded moral life.
And so with the podcast, it,
was just hard for me to put myself back
out there also it was like watching myself back is
so cringe I can't I hate it I've always hated watching myself back
because like even the way I talk and like
(13:01):
I wish I had had it set up here but I did this interview with
Marlon Wayans and like I knew
him through a friend and I was like yo
Marlon what up like and do you
remember me from whatever and then he was like yeah
what's up and then also we filmed the
we started the interview and i was like what's up y'all welcome to
(13:22):
after buzz and he was stopped the interview he's like yo what you like he does
not talk like that and it was just i it was the first time i ever like looked
at myself and was like yeah wait why do i put that voice on like where does
that voice come from and i noticed i would do it with some of the interviews
restarting when i did next mood swing again.
(13:42):
And I'm like, what is this voice? I call it my after buzz voice.
I guess it's my radio voice.
And part of it is because I had this strong Boston accent and moving to LA,
started taking courses to try and like cut the accent.
And I can talk longer when I'm talking like this. It's like,
I can talk longer because I'm holding my diaphragm. I can get a lot more out.
(14:03):
I can stay with a lot more upbeat in real life though.
You know? So it was like a little little reality check. So then watching myself
back with next moves. I'm like, why do I keep reverting to that?
Why do I keep reverting to this? Like showman, you know what I mean?
Like, it's like, I want to dismantle every part of that version of me because it's just like a mask.
(14:27):
And I've gotten to a point in my life where it's like, I don't.
Need any mask, you know, other places where that's kind of mirrored is like working out.
You know, I have been all the sizes. My, my weight fluctuates.
I am a very much mixed between my mother and my father and my weight fluctuates.
I mean, I've been huge, huge before, you know what I mean?
(14:50):
But the best time in my life that I felt the happiest, the healthiest,
it was like I had hit this bubble.
I was a big boy and started doing Herbalife, working out every day,
eating better, did like 21 day raw cleanse.
Hated that, but glad I got through the 21 days. Proud to say that I did that.
(15:11):
You know what I mean? Not because of what I was eating, but just the discipline.
So the happiest I ever was, was after that weight loss, I had changed my entire
life around, you know, my, a good friend of mine, he would always say we were roommates at the time.
He'd always be like, I will never forget. He's like, you were my inspiration story.
Every morning, you just hear you waking up with your little shake and you was consistent with it.
(15:35):
Fast forward to now after going through depression.
And you know, I mean, I, it was like, as soon as I got out of my bad situation,
it was like, just things just kept happening.
It was like, I seen a guy I die on a motorcycle right in front of me,
like literally hit like by the side of my car.
You know what I mean? It was like to see, I was the only person getting out.
(15:59):
Helping him and to see a person's life
go from life to death is just right after
coming out of depression and then my dog dies you know what I mean like
it was just like okay but that's when I got into therapy and we started taking
these like steps you know I mean it was like okay well what's a goal you want
to work on it was starting my company yada yada right working out has been the
(16:20):
last thing on my mind it's like because I'm pretty I don't think I'm you know I mean like
not fit i can run i could probably faster
than a lot of people you know i'm saying like i'm still active but working
out like creating a time to like i like doing things
you know i mean i'd rather go hiking than be on a treadmill
you know but going to the gym it saves time you know but i prefer doing more
(16:45):
active things to be fit but that's an excuse as well because it's like right
now i'm in this point of like retraining my discipline and figuring out like
okay no you've got to make this a part of your life every day you know i mean
i don't want to be a bodybuilder
you know what i mean because that's the other part of it is like dealing with body dysmorphia.
Where it's like you know i mean like you ever take a picture and then you take
(17:07):
a picture and you look and you're like oh that's so ugly but you don't delete
it and you leave it in your phone
and then like months go by and then you're just scrolling through your phone
you go back to that picture you're like oh i was looking good and you're like
what was that thought in your mind when you first were like looking at it and
a lot of that to me has been understanding body dysmorphia and like again that
(17:28):
is a conversation I want to have like a group conversation.
Especially with men in you know the gay community because I think it's such
a huge thing that I mean I hear it talked about but it's very much overlooked I would think.
But yeah, so kind of creating new boundaries for myself and creating discipline.
(17:51):
I was at the beach yesterday and I saw this guy.
I mean, he was so fun. He was so fun. He just like Dorito back muscles.
His like traps had traps. Like he was just so fun.
And what made him fine was he had this dog and the dog was off leash and he
(18:11):
was training the dog on the beach and the dog was so well disciplined.
And I said to my homegirls, I was like, yo, I feel you can tell a lot by a person
if they have a dog that is off leash and is in sync with them.
That's a good person because my dog used to be like that.
I know the people that I know whose dogs can do that because you have to instill
(18:36):
a lot of discipline into that dog for and have a bond with it for it to respect you and be like that.
And that just tells you what type of person is.
If someone has a discipline, you know what I mean, showcases a lot of discipline
in their life, they respect themselves to a certain extent.
You know what I mean? And it's like we've kind of moved out of this place of like morals and values.
(18:58):
And I talk about it all the time, you know, especially on Guns Blazin'.
But it's like for a long time I used to like be shamed for certain things, right?
It would be like, oh, you're a prude. You think you're better than.
Then it's like, if you knew me, you would definitely know I don't think I'm better than you.
So I'm a very self-deprecating person. But okay.
Oh, you know, you're a prude. Like, you know, because it was like for me growing
(19:22):
up, like dating, sex and stuff like that.
Like I'm a very sexual person, but I am not.
I'm a punk when it comes to being promiscuous, you know, like it's like the
idea of doing certain things.
Like I'm a, I'm a Virgo, I'm a germaphobe. So like the idea of things is hot.
And then by like the time I actually like analyze the situation,
(19:43):
like, am I really going to follow through with it?
It's like, like my homegirl, even just on a side note, my homegirl today,
she keeps wanting me to go to hot yoga.
I'm not going to hot yoga. My other homegirl was talking about a cruise.
I'm not going on a cruise.
No knock on anybody that does hot yoga or a cruise,
but for me i wouldn't be
comfortable doing hot yoga because you know i would be focused on i'd
(20:04):
be focused on people's feet sweaty feet touching the
floor where i'm bent down and like it
being hot and just bacteria and things like that like my mind goes in that direction
you know i'm saying like being on a cruise i'm not trying to be in no pool oh
no it wasn't a crew it was a cruise because i also feel this way about cruises
but it was my homegirls went to vegas this weekend they They were like,
(20:27):
oh, you know, pool parties and stuff like that.
I'm like, I'm not trying to be at a pool party.
Like, people don't fucking wash their ass correctly.
Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I ain't trying to be in no pool with poop
butt. You know what I'm saying? Like, and you won't, we don't think about it.
You know, I do. You know what I mean? And no knock on people that do it.
I'm not, you know what I mean? Like, this is crazy.
(20:47):
This is like over, you know, ADHD of the brain.
You know what I mean? You know, OCD overanalyzing. But it's just how I am.
So it's like, but that's how I was. like with dating
and things like that and so it's like i would always be called like
oh you're approved it's like you can go to an orgy it's
just not for me personally i'm gonna start thinking things
i'm gonna start this liquids are gonna be places and
(21:10):
things and then i'm gonna start thinking about other things because there's a lot of people
here and i don't know none of y'all and like where
my brain goes it's hard shout out to everyone in the comments what are y'all
talking come on here um what up light being seated t-dog you've been waiting
okay broken arrow body dysmorphia is a big thing in the gay community yes you know what i'm saying.
(21:35):
But yeah, where was I going with all that? But I feel like with dating,
I'm really trying to be emotionally unavailable right now.
Almost like self-love, being selfish, going out, taking myself out for a date.
You know what I mean? It's like calling, I hate calling it a date.
It's like, no, I just want to go out to eat by myself.
(21:58):
You know what I mean? Really staying with self, waking up in the morning,
grabbing a book and going down the street to my coffee shop up at the park,
like, and just having a moment,
you know, really like a Virgo mindset is like,
what helps me is organizing every hour in my phone,
(22:18):
giving myself in a block of each hour, this is what you're doing for this hour,
whether it's self-care in the morning,
whether it's reading a book, whether it's working on the, you know,
topics for the podcast, whether it's talking to a friend, whether it's working
out, like, so every hour my phone goes off and whatever it says, then I just do that,
you know, and obviously life is going to life and, you know,
(22:42):
you use your discernment to say, Hey, is this worth,
I mean, taking this hour out and switching to do this, especially with like
some of my clients, like for the most part, it's, I'm grateful that I've been able to do that.
But sometimes, you know what I mean? You got to shift some stuff around but
that helps keep me on track and again back to dating it was like almost in general.
(23:13):
Yeah we're gonna save dating for nothing actually you can go watch next mood swing,
with dre or renee we had a whole conversation about dating
so y'all can check that but all right i was
gonna keep this one light so the you
know short but i want to talk about some trending
stuff because this week's
been interesting because perfect match is on netflix if you haven't watched
(23:36):
it yet go check it out this was my first experience going working on a traveling
show and we were in tulum mexico we did it last year it was such a an incredible experience.
Mostly because the crew was amazing
(23:57):
but like from all the departments it was just
an amazing crew grew really genuinely felt
like a family and then on top of it the cast was
super dope honestly one of the easiest casts usually i
work in talent so one of the easiest casts i've
ever worked with everyone was hilarious it was so much
fun but the show started airing and it's
(24:17):
so funny because we always talk about like with julie like how much
is not edited and for you guys writing in the
comments if you guys just write the comments and then after i do these
topics i'll come back to of the comments if you
guys have questions because i see some of that coming through but we'll get
to that in a second you know with julie we're
always talking about like things that are edited and like obviously some of
(24:39):
the cast has come out here and you know working on so many shows you get close
to people and it's like i can say oh there are two or three from different shows
that have genuinely become friends in my life that i've worked on and.
(25:00):
And watching it now is
kind of interesting because it was like what are some things like in
my home girl I watched with one of the girls from the show and
she was like what are some what do you think and I was like honestly I
wish it was longer but I think there was so much that
was left out that really truly gets you
to fall in love with who these people are that
(25:21):
I got to experience I think that the
showing it in eight to ten episodes it really didn't tell the full story of
what was going on especially when I watch stuff like Love Island I feel like
Love Island you got 30 episodes now
I'm not saying do 30 episodes but like wouldn't be mad at like 17 to 20.
(25:42):
For this type of a show knowing the experiences I also wish like they had cameras
in the cars the vans because there were so many times you know that so many
fun things happened you know what I mean because it was like there was tornado
it was like not tornado season it's like rain season.
So there was one time we was locked in a van, like in the vans for like hours,
(26:03):
you know, and like so many like fun little inside jokes that you see on the
show, but the average person's not going to recognize it because there was no buildup for that.
So I would have loved to see like back in the day, like how BGC or real world
would show you those van rides, even on housewives like Atlanta,
they do that a lot. I would have loved that.
(26:24):
What I've realized is that that there are three different type of people that
you come across when you do these that are on the cast, right?
There's people who should absolutely not be doing reality television.
Like, it's like, how did you slip by?
And honestly, kind of like a Jada, like how she said, like, producers really didn't do much.
(26:44):
Like they kind of just knew Jada from BGC. They kind of just knew like, she's a chill girl.
She's, we know how someone's gonna, how she'll react to other people.
Actually, not like Jade. I would say Jade is more like the second person,
which is someone who knows kind of like how to use this as a launch pad.
It's like I know how to go on the show, not let it affect me and not let it
(27:08):
change who I am as a person.
There are people and those when I think of like the ones that I built a friendship
with were very consistent to what their personality was on their show.
And they didn't let it like change them in a negative light.
And then the third is obviously mentally unstable
and emotional people who usually
(27:29):
come from a extremely broken home and that's kind of like where we've talked
about you know in the past of like it is sometimes interesting to cast somebody
who's a little out there versus in comparison to someone who you know probably
shouldn't be on reality tv that's what makes you know it's like
creating a bomb so watching it i'd be interested to know what you guys think
(27:52):
of the show and what some of the topics are because i'm gonna have some of the girls come on,
so yeah i would love that my advice though because i've had this conversation
twice this week so if you guys have ever thought about doing reality tv or want to do reality tv.
My advice would be after watching so
many people come in and out of it is understand why you're doing it why are
(28:16):
you really choosing to go and be honest with yourself if you're not going to
be honest with the world right but really know within yourself like okay i'm
really doing this because like i want to be on tv maybe it's as simple as that
i just want to be on tv maybe it's i want to,
you know get out of my small town i want to try something different i want to
but what is that you want to try something different because what do you want
(28:37):
to build a brand you want to whatever when you know using these things a lot
of times you'll see a lot of people they go in they think I'm going to be a reality star.
And it's like, there's a expiration date on that.
You know, it's like, what is your brand? What is your character?
Are you paying attention to what your character arc is?
If you're doing multiple shows, you know what I'm saying? It's like,
you think of like a Phaedra, right?
(28:59):
From housewives you know we all know what phage's personality is we know what
kenya more gives if kenya is going to be on housewives or what we know her energy
we know her personality she has you know she's good at playing the you know
the villain or the catty kind of girl,
and a lot of times people you see on tv consistently they know what their storyline
(29:19):
is and it's important to know what your what your arc is going to be before your your arc is edited.
So yeah you can go in and just kind of have an
experience i know people that have good had had
good times with that but then it's like you get this like little bug that's
(29:40):
like oh i got the reality tv like what's the next thing what's this and you
get caught up in like going to the parties and stuff like that it's like okay
but are you going to the parties to go to the parties you're going to the parties
to network and build your brand like that is so huge when you go on
these shows because yeah it is fun but then there's a lot emotionally that you
deal with afterwards and it's like if you're not focused on what the next thing
(30:03):
is and by thing for yourself.
You know i mean like what's going to really keep you the
longevity of you or create yourself into
a you know being a successful entrepreneur that would
be the advice that i would give and i'm only saying that
because i just said it to two other people and they appreciated
it so i'm just putting it on on wax you know
(30:25):
what i'm saying before i again
before i get into the comments i want to talk to you guys about three stories
that i've seen in the news first one i just seen this video of
little fizz no idea what podcast he
was on or what that he was on you guys probably
saw it just got released today and he's
in this radio station and it's a group of
(30:46):
guys and i don't know what they were talking about but
like the one guy was like oh fizz thought it was going to be like bump bump
bump b2k like something like that like he was like it felt like again i love
being in the circle of shade but i want to know who people are you know i mean
you want to know everyone's personalities and energies it seems like they knew each other so i'm like.
(31:10):
This got awkward, but the guy kind of slighted Fizz a little bit.
I mean, it was one sentence and Fizz ate on that sentence like so much.
And it's like, bro, to the point where he like got out of character,
was like stood up, was like trying to fight him. And then the man took him down.
And it was like, Fizz, you knew that this was, first of all,
look how big that man is. Like little Fizz, sit down.
(31:31):
You know what I mean? Like, but the thing is when you don't feel confident about
yourself, you act out of character.
Like when you don't feel like you are that man
little fizz you you don't got nothing to prove i didn't
know who that man was the only person at that table i knew was you and
again i always say the beyonce effect don't entertain
it because what okay let this man have
(31:53):
his five minutes of fame now you getting up screaming you want your five minutes
you want your five minutes of fame and the man ended up taking you down take
it down your money money oh you know i'm saying that's like because what was
you doing and you're trying to prove yourself and you're trying to prove to
him but really you're trying to prove to yourself
when in reality you should be like I'm Lil Fizz, iconic, B2K, iconic.
(32:15):
Yeah, you aren't happy because you did love and hip hop and all that stuff and
it waters your brain down.
So you're not happy with yourself but that's an illusion because you have been successful.
You have had the things and if you really just clean your act up, you know what I mean?
You wouldn't be sitting here worrying about what the heck this man looking like.
(32:36):
I can't, Makai Pfeiffer from 8 Mile, you know what I'm saying,
like, it's like, bro, what, who,
you know, and maybe, again, like, am I conspiracy theory, maybe negative stuff
is advertising, and that was all fake, maybe, possibly, I don't know, but.
All right, the other story I seen was crazy, and this is something like,
(32:56):
this is more like a guns blazing topic, all right, I seen this video,
and this is why I always say, like perversion like actually i'm gonna say this
story first before i say that last story okay so recently in la there's this
an area called silver lake,
and i just saw this like video it's like a it was a i don't know it was a she
(33:21):
was a trans i think trans congress running for congress or something like that i don't know.
And so it was her TikTok and she was explaining the sign in Silver Lake.
So basically it's this residential area.
And I guess in the 80s, a lot of the people in the neighborhood would complain
(33:42):
that gay men were cruising at the end of their block.
So a sign went up that was like, no cruising.
And then another sign went up. It was like, no U-turns from midnight to 6 a.m.
So I see this story. I'm like, and basically what caught my eye was like,
this U-turn sign was homophobic.
(34:05):
I'm like, how is a U-turn sign homophobic? Like what?
Because look, like I do think that the LGBT, like the gay community needs to, you know what I mean?
Like we always do have to continue fighting for our rights and for us to be
able to create a space for us to be comfortable.
Comfortable but also this we also have to hold people
(34:27):
accountable in our community that it's
like what are you doing there are bigger things there
are you know i mean like you're almost
like go like making it worse for us right because my thing is this this whole
thing on homophobia like homo the u-turn sign being homophobic like fine take
(34:47):
the cruising sign down okay the cruising so now they take now they're complaining
that this u-turn is homophobic and it's like.
I'm sorry if we're like is it or is are we fighting for perversion because one like,
yes i understand cruising and we're in 2024 like back in the day like yeah people
(35:11):
would have to meet at parks because being gay wasn't a you know accepted thing
and it's like so okay fine back Back then they was doing it more.
Now it's more out of a perversion. It's a kink, right? And it's like, why are we?
No, I'm sorry. I'm gay. I don't want if my nephew's living on that street.
I don't, you know what I mean? Even if I'm living on that street,
I don't want to like go outside and put my trash out at night.
(35:33):
And there's like random guys walking around because they're meeting someplace to fuck or do whatever.
Like, and again, that's no knock to people that do it. But it's like,
clearly if it was a situation where it was like, okay, this is getting out of hand.
You know? And it was like, no U-turn, no twice with, it was like a certain amount of times.
It wasn't just like, oh, if you pull down there, like no one's targeting,
(35:55):
you know what I mean? Like, and that, that was the conversation.
It's like, I feel like it's fear baiting, right? And like this person did this,
it's like, you're trying to run for something.
So you're, you found a U-turn sign. Like there wasn't anything else you could
have fought for that would have made more sense that would have,
instead of calling something, everything homophobic, like it's
like well there is perversion and
(36:16):
it's like it feels like that you're fighting more for perversion and i
can go deeper into that topic because i already know the response like some
of the responses that are going to come from that so i'm just going to wait
and put the little bait there so if you disagree with that story or whatever
but we can push that conversation further but why i say the perversion stuff
is like we have to really think about what we do You know what I mean?
(36:40):
I see a lot in the community.
And again, I put myself back there to the point where when I was with my ex, I was more promiscuous.
I allowed him to break down certain morals and values that I had,
and I experienced a different side of life.
(37:03):
And at that time I wasn't paying attention to, you know, how I felt,
what I was saying, like how, you know, what I was putting out into the world.
And it's like, because sometimes it's very ego driven, right?
So we don't think about how it's putting certain type of content out there,
how easily it is for kids to see, are you doing all the things to put parental guidance?
(37:29):
Like, and you say, oh, well, I don't have kids. So it's not, you know, my problem.
And it's like, that's a selfish thing to say, right?
Because all that to this next story, I seen this story on TikTok and I really
wish I could find the video.
I will try to scroll through my likes to re-find it again. But like, this is so wild to me.
It was like a home ring camera and this man comes knocking on the door.
(37:52):
The father opens the door. He's like, hey, and the guy's like,
hey, is Michelle, I don't know what her name was.
He just names a girl's name and dad's
like like my five-year-old daughter
and he was like oh he's like oh I
didn't know she was five and he's like bro what
it was like yeah we were talking on the game and the father's reaction was like
(38:16):
horrified right like what do you mean he was talking on the game like the daughter
comes running up and she was like excited she was like Michael whatever whatever
the guy's name was, like so excited.
And the dad's like, I mean, I don't even know how I would react to this.
Like if this happened in real life, like.
Daughter starts crying because the mother comes and she's like pulling he's
(38:37):
like get her away from the door get away from the door daughter starts crying
she's like no that's my friend that's my friend that's my friend so now like
my thing is like the man's still standing there like still like yo so what's
going on like why are you stopping me from seeing her like we're friends.
This is a mentally deranged person like bro the moment this man first of all the fact you even
(38:59):
pulled up is crazy but then
the moment that dad said his five-year-old daughter
you should have been like whoa what the
fact that you sat at that doorstep thinking you had
any right or any sort of
like motion to be
even able to go into this house is insane insane
(39:22):
now there was a rumor saying that possibly he
was cheating with the wife like there was that kind of
rumor either the or i don't know but like the fact that the daughter was able
to give her address out at five years old off a tablet to a grown man and that
man came to this person's house like that is perversion that man knew that that
(39:43):
was a child like you ain't gonna tell me any differently,
from that like that is perversion and it's just like why does it have to get
to that level for people to be mad, upset, and crazy, like, there's things that
can easily help stop that kind of stuff,
you know what I mean, and like, I know it sounds so deep, and it is,
(40:04):
because it is, it is deep, it is deep, but it's, and it gets exhausting that
you would even have to explain something like that, am I continue watching,
yes, because I have this YouTube thing online.
Thanks for confirming, bum, bum, all right, so, I mean, let's see, Zeus got smiley band.
What, I didn't see anything about that, I don't know nothing about that,
(40:26):
I saw something with Kristen Kelly,
shout out to Kristen Kelly, I hope that she, you know what I mean,
heals with everything that's going on with her, wishing her the best,
not what type of guys are you into,
none at the moment, currently, right now,
boom, all right, well,
(40:48):
that's that, y'all, that's 43 minutes perfect timing boom let me know what topics
y'all want to hear more about if you saw any of those videos that i was talking
about if you agree if you would disagree,
she got banned on social media for them exposing them again oh i'll have to look into that and then,
come back with some other stuff y'all gotta tag me in these stories so then
(41:10):
i can see it because honestly i'm not out here searching for none of that anymore
like it's like that's why we've been talking about the cult stuff and all that
stuff on guns blazing because it's like.
Look, we put all the tea out there, right? In one episode of what's been going on over there.
Now we're just going to start showing other things so you can start piecing,
people can start piecing it together.
Because the other thing that blows my mind is that y'all, anyone who can listen
(41:34):
to Guns and then continue to keep listening to baddies, like it's confusing.
It's like, are you hearing it? Do you get it though? You know what I'm saying?
And it's as simple as like how I said, sometimes we're so ego driven in the
sense of not realizing like by watching that what you're supporting, you know?
And what you're supporting for other people other
children or other things that people see it's like is that the content
(41:56):
that's supposed to be good for also like the fact that
hollywood unlocked is doing their awards on zeus crazy and like they're giving
it to him jonathan majors an award for perseverance or something like that and
it's like everybody in black hollywood like Like that's the person like it feels like too soon.
(42:18):
Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know if he beat the case,
the charges or whatever, but like, it's just how about like an Amanda Seals? You know what I mean?
Here's where someone who got black, feels blacklisted from Hollywood has been
able to create her own brand where she is delivering educated content to.
I don't want to just say black America because I feel like white people listen to her too.
(42:43):
And it's like, you're she, you know what I mean? like to me
that feels like a perseverance award but why are we promoting again
on network like zeus that has
a lot of allegations of violence and
then you're going to give this award to a man who was
just in a domestic violence case like
it's weird it's strange it's weird my conspiracy hat
(43:06):
goes on my antennas go up and it's like um grand
love a grand dom i honestly stopped keeping
up with zeus i'm just watching you period you
know i mean but this is not a baddies baddies podcast bad girls
podcast you know i mean just because julie's from bad girls
club that was a big reason why we like was because
(43:27):
we have other interviews but we're like we got to just chill because
we don't want it to be a bad girls podcast we really want to
get the message of what we're talking about across without
and it can it's fun you know you see judy and stuff
like that it's like you want to start talking about the past and all that but
we have to be careful about what
we don't want it to become you know have you met people
(43:49):
from the challenge yeah i met a lot of them i probably interviewed a lot of
them i don't know who you're talking about but i wouldn't be able to name because
it's a lot but yeah you can look up old episodes they used to do the real world
the challenge after shows we had them in we had mark long hosted with us for a while.
(44:10):
A bunch of other people, my brain is fried right now, because it was a Sunday,
and honestly, I chilled, I really took the day today, and was in chill by myself,
and enjoyed it, and did errands, and I mean, all the house things,
but yeah, I'm gonna hop off here, but okay, if you guys,
have TikTok, you can follow me on TikTok, tomorrow from 1 p.m.
(44:34):
To 3 p.m., I'm gonna be on TikTok live, and I'm going to need your help.
So whoever's in the live, you're going to help me out with setting up the studio
space for, I'm not going to say the name of the show, but basically what I'm
turning the next mood swing podcast into.
I'm not going to say the name of the show because I'm now in the space of,
(44:54):
I'm not going to say it. You're just going to see it. You know what I'm saying?
But it's coming extremely soon. I've been very re-inspired this past week specifically,
which is why, again, I just wanted to come on here and be real with y'all,
have a little cute little conversation.
Is Anissa really rude in real life?
(45:15):
The first time I met her, she was really cool. I don't think she's rude.
I think she's just been in this a long time and she's just a real person.
So it's like, you know, she ain't going to like sugarcoat stuff.
But yeah, I messed with her. She was cool to me. but yeah until next time y'all
appreciate you stopping by peace.
What's up, y'all? Welcome to Next Mood Swing. I'm your host, Jesse.
I know we normally film guns blazing during this time, but we don't have a new episode this week.
You know, life be lifin'. You know, Julie had to handle some stuff.
So I know I had been gone a couple weeks prior, and I haven't dropped the next
Mood Swing episode in a minute.
(00:21):
So I was like, all right, I got to hold myself accountable and give
myself a reality check while also kind of updating you
guys on where my brain's been at and just how
I'm kind of moving right now I was talking
to a friend yesterday and I don't
know I just been in kind of one of these places in life for
(00:42):
the past year where I love going
out with people I love you know I mean turning up all that stuff but
this past year I feel like has been like a year of self-reflection
even in how I've like hung out with friends like honestly
like since being back in LA I feel
like a lot of my relationships and friendships have been like
not relationships and friendships a lot of
(01:04):
my friendships have been more one-on-one versus
like hanging out in group settings which is
kind of like how the Julie thing you know podcast happened
it was like you know we reconnected she came
into did my podcast and then we were hanging out and talking and
it just branched into something creative positive
(01:25):
and you know that's what I love about guns blazing
it was just there was no pressure behind it and that's why you know
we didn't drop an episode this week you know Julie gotta handle what
she's gotta handle and we said from the beginning that we weren't gonna put.
Pressure and we wanted this to be a very free-flowing thing because it just
happened and I I feel like that has been a consistent with like a lot of my
(01:49):
friendships this year, whether it's developing products.
Working on shows, brands with some of them.
It's helped me kind of in the past, I would kind of like let certain people
into my life thinking they were friends, thinking they were more than just an
acquaintance and giving that energy, you know, constantly.
(02:09):
And I feel like I've really like defined my core group of people and have really
been able to be in a safe space to be able to cultivate the type of people that I want in my life,
the type of content that I
want to present in my life which causes a
(02:30):
lot of procrastination not gonna lie because as far
as like creating the content right because I look at like next mood swing and
what I want it to be versus what it needs to be right now are two totally separate
things because what I want it to be the big picture it's like right now I'm
not in the place to be able to do that.
(02:52):
So it's like, what is the first step to be able to get to that place?
And that's why, you know, the one-on-one interviews, that's just easy to me
to sit down with somebody and just talk to somebody.
This is more of a harder thing for me, right? Just sitting in front of a camera and just talking.
It's like, I talk to myself all day. I literally work from home, live by myself.
(03:12):
I talk to myself all day. So to really build that. And the thing with TikTok
is you're live, but you're interacting with people.
So to do a live YouTube, it feels weird.
Like I'm not a vlogger. I've never been a vlogging type of person to walk around
with my camera everywhere.
And like, I don't even think to take pictures most of the time.
(03:33):
You know what I mean? I'm just experiencing in the moment life.
But yeah, I've kind of like realized that it's like these like expectations
that I would put on myself for next mood swing.
And it would cause me not to, even since tonight, it was like,
oh, well, you know, we didn't do an episode of Guns Blazing.
I wasn't even gonna do this.
I was like, no, you gotta start, you gotta stay consistent because you was doing
(03:56):
good at first and the one-on-one interviews,
they come easy and it was just something so that I could put something out there
to start building this confidence again in presenting
myself, putting content out there, getting myself excited to want to even do
it. You know what I mean? Because it's like, I'm good in life.
Like as far as like the whole, what I thought After Buzz was going to be and all that kind of stuff.
(04:20):
It's like COVID really changed my life.
COVID and my last relationship.
And it just kind of put everything in perspective. My brother having two kids put, changed my life.
You know what I mean? It was like, Like I needed to figure out a way that wasn't
because working in Hollywood, it's like you're dependent on whatever the next job is.
And it was like you get to a point after 10 years of doing that,
(04:44):
you're like, OK, this I need a consistent something. So it was like,
all right, how do I start my own company?
And then you start your own company. It's like doing this kind of stuff felt
so back burner to me, you know, but it's I love doing it. It was,
you know, I mean, 10 years of my life, six days a week, multiple shows a day.
(05:06):
You know what I mean? It builds up a really strong muscle in you.
I love doing stand up comedy, but, you know, doing after shows and stuff like
that is like I didn't really even need to do the circuit of comedy because it
was like I was able to do it through, you know, digital media.
But yeah, I feel like the past year has been, I just kind of thought about it,
(05:30):
I think it was last week with Julie,
that I've been in this like shadow work version of myself, really seeing what,
you know, things I want to change in my life, how they're showing up in certain areas,
how my, you know, because one thing that people don't ever talk
about with depression or overcoming something is
(05:51):
that weird feeling or like domestic violence or
things like that is like that weird feeling after you've acknowledged
it after you've done the work and then you're
living in the present of happiness you've rebuilt your life up it's a weird
feeling afterwards when you've treated yourself or talked to yourself bad for
(06:11):
so long to then be happy and you know therapy has helped so much.
I'm the biggest advocate for it because when I tell you, Miss T,
I promise y'all I'm going to get her on here.
She has been a mirror for me.
She's helped me out so much, but a lot of it is, and she'll say,
she's like, I'm a mirror.
(06:32):
She was like, I just want you to see what you've done in the past two years,
past three years. You said everything you set out to do, you did.
And a lot of the time, sometimes we don't have people in our lives to give us
that confirmation or even just an acknowledgement.
My parents, I love them to death, but they don't get LA.
(06:54):
To them, they, very Greek, it's like, why are you across the United States?
But I built a life here, friends here, friends who are family.
And at the end of the day, it's weird because it's like this love-hate thing
with entertainment, right?
It's like, I love the experience of it.
(07:17):
I hate the politics of it. I hate the negative things that come with it.
And we talk a lot about it on obviously Guns Blazin'.
But it's like there is an exhaustion to it. And it's a machine.
And it's like but there's now we live in this new age where it's like you can
create your own version of it.
(07:37):
And so that's why to me it's like I know the people out in L.A.
That I've inspired, helped. helped and want to help them create a,
you know, positive content, things to, you know.
Outbalance a lot of the negative stuff that we take in because everything is
about the content that we create.
(07:57):
Absorb right you know and again we talk about all the time when you watch stuff
like baddies and stuff like that i get it but it like i always said like when
i was talking loving hip-hop when i was,
vh1 hired me like that was the worst time in my life but from the outside that
would have looked like i was on top of the world and it was just like so all
(08:18):
that to learn through business all that kind of stuff and now that i kind of
have gotten to this place where you know financially financially I'm comfortable,
I had to start shifting my brain towards like, okay, the people in my life,
who are the people in my life? Who am I allowing in my circle?
Are they positive? Are they people who are feeding me?
(08:39):
You know, a lot of the times when you're playing the game, you.
Especially out here, it's like, I was just talking to my homegirl.
She was just on a, on a show that just came out right now.
And I was telling her about how I have this like tier system and
it's my spice rack and it's like you think
about spices you cook with every day right those are
your core people and then you have some spices
(09:01):
that's like you know you're really using cinnamon too much you know
but you know I might want to put in some tea put in something
so that goes on the second shelf then you get like paprika and
paprika goes on the top shelf because it's like once a
year you're making deviled eggs like you'd like the deviled eggs but it's
like I don't need paprika all the time right so
it's like learning how to create those boundaries with
(09:22):
friendships and people and putting them on a different tiers
to where i don't a lot of the times i would feel bad like
oh you know i told this person this it's like what do you owe this person what
has this person done for you do they only hit you up when it's their event when
it's something that they need are they hitting you up just to say hey you know
i mean for me i got caught up in being
(09:46):
really a people pleaser because it's easy for me I love listening to people
talk I love helping people you know what I mean but at the same time you do
that to a certain point you start exhausting yourself and it's like all right
well wait a minute hold on who feeding me right.
So like when it comes to next mood swing I started looking at the podcast and
(10:08):
being like okay I'm doing these interviews this is great it's still not what
I want it to be it feels sterile it's It's not as interactive as I want it to be.
You know, what was pausing? What was pausing me? What was kind of holding me
from doing what I actually wanted to do?
And then when I really look at it, it was just that feeling of feeling like being scared.
(10:30):
Really, it was just feeling like not enough. It's like I sit here with all the
equipment, all the things to do, plugged in, whatever.
It's like, but you're choosing not to set it up so that it can be an interactive
space so that someone can just walk in and we can just do the show. You know what I mean?
And it was like, where does that fear stem from? And Julie had said last week,
(10:51):
she was like, you know, I feel like you're holding back a lot.
She was like, I know you and it just feels like you're holding back. And it's true.
You know, it's like I'm in this place of rediscovering myself,
you know, who I am, what I've done.
Redefining my morals and values after dealing with shame, again,
(11:12):
darkness and stuff like that.
And that's a weird place to be in to
be in to be putting yourself back out there especially in
the past where it was like i was very much rewarded for bad
behavior it's like i was good
i'm great at reading i love a good read you know
what i'm saying because i read myself fulfilled i can see it
in others and that's i'm good at tearing things down
(11:35):
i am i will pop your bubble baby you know what
i'm saying like it's like but i do it for myself and that
there's a power in that there's a greatness in that and but
also you have to be careful with does
this person know your intent right and so
like with my friends a lot of them they do come to me to hear a hard you know
(11:55):
hard advice or something like that because they know it comes from a loving
place but where that translated talking about people on reality tv is like they
don't know me so yeah they're looking at me like who the fuck is this man talking
about you know i mean but it's hard for them to really be mad at me because it's like,
what I'm saying is like legit.
And I never cared because what I was saying was legit. And it's like,
(12:17):
hold yourself to a certain standard morals values. Right.
But then I cared and, you know, I started meeting people and seeing people cry.
I was like, well, I'm not trying to, I'm not a messy person in my real life.
Like I don't, I don't hurt anyone's feelings.
You couldn't find somebody that would be like, I hate him. I mean,
you probably could, but I would love to know why.
You know what I mean? Like he did me wrong or something like that.
(12:39):
Like, it's like, I live a pretty like simple minded moral life.
And so with the podcast, it,
was just hard for me to put myself back
out there also it was like watching myself back is
so cringe I can't I hate it I've always hated watching myself back
because like even the way I talk and like
(13:01):
I wish I had had it set up here but I did this interview with
Marlon Wayans and like I knew
him through a friend and I was like yo
Marlon what up like and do you
remember me from whatever and then he was like yeah
what's up and then also we filmed the
we started the interview and i was like what's up y'all welcome to
(13:22):
after buzz and he was stopped the interview he's like yo what you like he does
not talk like that and it was just i it was the first time i ever like looked
at myself and was like yeah wait why do i put that voice on like where does
that voice come from and i noticed i would do it with some of the interviews
restarting when i did next mood swing again.
(13:42):
And I'm like, what is this voice? I call it my after buzz voice.
I guess it's my radio voice.
And part of it is because I had this strong Boston accent and moving to LA,
started taking courses to try and like cut the accent.
And I can talk longer when I'm talking like this. It's like,
I can talk longer because I'm holding my diaphragm. I can get a lot more out.
(14:03):
I can stay with a lot more upbeat in real life though.
You know? So it was like a little little reality check. So then watching myself
back with next moves. I'm like, why do I keep reverting to that?
Why do I keep reverting to this? Like showman, you know what I mean?
Like, it's like, I want to dismantle every part of that version of me because it's just like a mask.
(14:27):
And I've gotten to a point in my life where it's like, I don't.
Need any mask, you know, other places where that's kind of mirrored is like working out.
You know, I have been all the sizes. My, my weight fluctuates.
I am a very much mixed between my mother and my father and my weight fluctuates.
I mean, I've been huge, huge before, you know what I mean?
(14:50):
But the best time in my life that I felt the happiest, the healthiest,
it was like I had hit this bubble.
I was a big boy and started doing Herbalife, working out every day,
eating better, did like 21 day raw cleanse.
Hated that, but glad I got through the 21 days. Proud to say that I did that.
(15:11):
You know what I mean? Not because of what I was eating, but just the discipline.
So the happiest I ever was, was after that weight loss, I had changed my entire
life around, you know, my, a good friend of mine, he would always say we were roommates at the time.
He'd always be like, I will never forget. He's like, you were my inspiration story.
Every morning, you just hear you waking up with your little shake and you was consistent with it.
(15:35):
Fast forward to now after going through depression.
And you know, I mean, I, it was like, as soon as I got out of my bad situation,
it was like, just things just kept happening.
It was like, I seen a guy I die on a motorcycle right in front of me,
like literally hit like by the side of my car.
You know what I mean? It was like to see, I was the only person getting out.
(15:59):
Helping him and to see a person's life
go from life to death is just right after
coming out of depression and then my dog dies you know what I mean like
it was just like okay but that's when I got into therapy and we started taking
these like steps you know I mean it was like okay well what's a goal you want
to work on it was starting my company yada yada right working out has been the
(16:20):
last thing on my mind it's like because I'm pretty I don't think I'm you know I mean like
not fit i can run i could probably faster
than a lot of people you know i'm saying like i'm still active but working
out like creating a time to like i like doing things
you know i mean i'd rather go hiking than be on a treadmill
you know but going to the gym it saves time you know but i prefer doing more
(16:45):
active things to be fit but that's an excuse as well because it's like right
now i'm in this point of like retraining my discipline and figuring out like
okay no you've got to make this a part of your life every day you know i mean
i don't want to be a bodybuilder
you know what i mean because that's the other part of it is like dealing with body dysmorphia.
Where it's like you know i mean like you ever take a picture and then you take
(17:07):
a picture and you look and you're like oh that's so ugly but you don't delete
it and you leave it in your phone
and then like months go by and then you're just scrolling through your phone
you go back to that picture you're like oh i was looking good and you're like
what was that thought in your mind when you first were like looking at it and
a lot of that to me has been understanding body dysmorphia and like again that
(17:28):
is a conversation I want to have like a group conversation.
Especially with men in you know the gay community because I think it's such
a huge thing that I mean I hear it talked about but it's very much overlooked I would think.
But yeah, so kind of creating new boundaries for myself and creating discipline.
(17:51):
I was at the beach yesterday and I saw this guy.
I mean, he was so fun. He was so fun. He just like Dorito back muscles.
His like traps had traps. Like he was just so fun.
And what made him fine was he had this dog and the dog was off leash and he
(18:11):
was training the dog on the beach and the dog was so well disciplined.
And I said to my homegirls, I was like, yo, I feel you can tell a lot by a person
if they have a dog that is off leash and is in sync with them.
That's a good person because my dog used to be like that.
I know the people that I know whose dogs can do that because you have to instill
(18:36):
a lot of discipline into that dog for and have a bond with it for it to respect you and be like that.
And that just tells you what type of person is.
If someone has a discipline, you know what I mean, showcases a lot of discipline
in their life, they respect themselves to a certain extent.
You know what I mean? And it's like we've kind of moved out of this place of like morals and values.
(18:58):
And I talk about it all the time, you know, especially on Guns Blazin'.
But it's like for a long time I used to like be shamed for certain things, right?
It would be like, oh, you're a prude. You think you're better than.
Then it's like, if you knew me, you would definitely know I don't think I'm better than you.
So I'm a very self-deprecating person. But okay.
Oh, you know, you're a prude. Like, you know, because it was like for me growing
(19:22):
up, like dating, sex and stuff like that.
Like I'm a very sexual person, but I am not.
I'm a punk when it comes to being promiscuous, you know, like it's like the
idea of doing certain things.
Like I'm a, I'm a Virgo, I'm a germaphobe. So like the idea of things is hot.
And then by like the time I actually like analyze the situation,
(19:43):
like, am I really going to follow through with it?
It's like, like my homegirl, even just on a side note, my homegirl today,
she keeps wanting me to go to hot yoga.
I'm not going to hot yoga. My other homegirl was talking about a cruise.
I'm not going on a cruise.
No knock on anybody that does hot yoga or a cruise,
but for me i wouldn't be
comfortable doing hot yoga because you know i would be focused on i'd
(20:04):
be focused on people's feet sweaty feet touching the
floor where i'm bent down and like it
being hot and just bacteria and things like that like my mind goes in that direction
you know i'm saying like being on a cruise i'm not trying to be in no pool oh
no it wasn't a crew it was a cruise because i also feel this way about cruises
but it was my homegirls went to vegas this weekend they They were like,
(20:27):
oh, you know, pool parties and stuff like that.
I'm like, I'm not trying to be at a pool party.
Like, people don't fucking wash their ass correctly.
Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I ain't trying to be in no pool with poop
butt. You know what I'm saying? Like, and you won't, we don't think about it.
You know, I do. You know what I mean? And no knock on people that do it.
I'm not, you know what I mean? Like, this is crazy.
(20:47):
This is like over, you know, ADHD of the brain.
You know what I mean? You know, OCD overanalyzing. But it's just how I am.
So it's like, but that's how I was. like with dating
and things like that and so it's like i would always be called like
oh you're approved it's like you can go to an orgy it's
just not for me personally i'm gonna start thinking things
i'm gonna start this liquids are gonna be places and
(21:10):
things and then i'm gonna start thinking about other things because there's a lot of people
here and i don't know none of y'all and like where
my brain goes it's hard shout out to everyone in the comments what are y'all
talking come on here um what up light being seated t-dog you've been waiting
okay broken arrow body dysmorphia is a big thing in the gay community yes you know what i'm saying.
(21:35):
But yeah, where was I going with all that? But I feel like with dating,
I'm really trying to be emotionally unavailable right now.
Almost like self-love, being selfish, going out, taking myself out for a date.
You know what I mean? It's like calling, I hate calling it a date.
It's like, no, I just want to go out to eat by myself.
(21:58):
You know what I mean? Really staying with self, waking up in the morning,
grabbing a book and going down the street to my coffee shop up at the park,
like, and just having a moment,
you know, really like a Virgo mindset is like,
what helps me is organizing every hour in my phone,
(22:18):
giving myself in a block of each hour, this is what you're doing for this hour,
whether it's self-care in the morning,
whether it's reading a book, whether it's working on the, you know,
topics for the podcast, whether it's talking to a friend, whether it's working
out, like, so every hour my phone goes off and whatever it says, then I just do that,
you know, and obviously life is going to life and, you know,
(22:42):
you use your discernment to say, Hey, is this worth,
I mean, taking this hour out and switching to do this, especially with like
some of my clients, like for the most part, it's, I'm grateful that I've been able to do that.
But sometimes, you know what I mean? You got to shift some stuff around but
that helps keep me on track and again back to dating it was like almost in general.
(23:13):
Yeah we're gonna save dating for nothing actually you can go watch next mood swing,
with dre or renee we had a whole conversation about dating
so y'all can check that but all right i was
gonna keep this one light so the you
know short but i want to talk about some trending
stuff because this week's
been interesting because perfect match is on netflix if you haven't watched
(23:36):
it yet go check it out this was my first experience going working on a traveling
show and we were in tulum mexico we did it last year it was such a an incredible experience.
Mostly because the crew was amazing
(23:57):
but like from all the departments it was just
an amazing crew grew really genuinely felt
like a family and then on top of it the cast was
super dope honestly one of the easiest casts usually i
work in talent so one of the easiest casts i've
ever worked with everyone was hilarious it was so much
fun but the show started airing and it's
(24:17):
so funny because we always talk about like with julie like how much
is not edited and for you guys writing in the
comments if you guys just write the comments and then after i do these
topics i'll come back to of the comments if you
guys have questions because i see some of that coming through but we'll get
to that in a second you know with julie we're
always talking about like things that are edited and like obviously some of
(24:39):
the cast has come out here and you know working on so many shows you get close
to people and it's like i can say oh there are two or three from different shows
that have genuinely become friends in my life that i've worked on and.
(25:00):
And watching it now is
kind of interesting because it was like what are some things like in
my home girl I watched with one of the girls from the show and
she was like what are some what do you think and I was like honestly I
wish it was longer but I think there was so much that
was left out that really truly gets you
to fall in love with who these people are that
(25:21):
I got to experience I think that the
showing it in eight to ten episodes it really didn't tell the full story of
what was going on especially when I watch stuff like Love Island I feel like
Love Island you got 30 episodes now
I'm not saying do 30 episodes but like wouldn't be mad at like 17 to 20.
(25:42):
For this type of a show knowing the experiences I also wish like they had cameras
in the cars the vans because there were so many times you know that so many
fun things happened you know what I mean because it was like there was tornado
it was like not tornado season it's like rain season.
So there was one time we was locked in a van, like in the vans for like hours,
(26:03):
you know, and like so many like fun little inside jokes that you see on the
show, but the average person's not going to recognize it because there was no buildup for that.
So I would have loved to see like back in the day, like how BGC or real world
would show you those van rides, even on housewives like Atlanta,
they do that a lot. I would have loved that.
(26:24):
What I've realized is that that there are three different type of people that
you come across when you do these that are on the cast, right?
There's people who should absolutely not be doing reality television.
Like, it's like, how did you slip by?
And honestly, kind of like a Jada, like how she said, like, producers really didn't do much.
(26:44):
Like they kind of just knew Jada from BGC. They kind of just knew like, she's a chill girl.
She's, we know how someone's gonna, how she'll react to other people.
Actually, not like Jade. I would say Jade is more like the second person,
which is someone who knows kind of like how to use this as a launch pad.
It's like I know how to go on the show, not let it affect me and not let it
(27:08):
change who I am as a person.
There are people and those when I think of like the ones that I built a friendship
with were very consistent to what their personality was on their show.
And they didn't let it like change them in a negative light.
And then the third is obviously mentally unstable
and emotional people who usually
(27:29):
come from a extremely broken home and that's kind of like where we've talked
about you know in the past of like it is sometimes interesting to cast somebody
who's a little out there versus in comparison to someone who you know probably
shouldn't be on reality tv that's what makes you know it's like
creating a bomb so watching it i'd be interested to know what you guys think
(27:52):
of the show and what some of the topics are because i'm gonna have some of the girls come on,
so yeah i would love that my advice though because i've had this conversation
twice this week so if you guys have ever thought about doing reality tv or want to do reality tv.
My advice would be after watching so
many people come in and out of it is understand why you're doing it why are
(28:16):
you really choosing to go and be honest with yourself if you're not going to
be honest with the world right but really know within yourself like okay i'm
really doing this because like i want to be on tv maybe it's as simple as that
i just want to be on tv maybe it's i want to,
you know get out of my small town i want to try something different i want to
but what is that you want to try something different because what do you want
(28:37):
to build a brand you want to whatever when you know using these things a lot
of times you'll see a lot of people they go in they think I'm going to be a reality star.
And it's like, there's a expiration date on that.
You know, it's like, what is your brand? What is your character?
Are you paying attention to what your character arc is?
If you're doing multiple shows, you know what I'm saying? It's like,
you think of like a Phaedra, right?
(28:59):
From housewives you know we all know what phage's personality is we know what
kenya more gives if kenya is going to be on housewives or what we know her energy
we know her personality she has you know she's good at playing the you know
the villain or the catty kind of girl,
and a lot of times people you see on tv consistently they know what their storyline
(29:19):
is and it's important to know what your what your arc is going to be before your your arc is edited.
So yeah you can go in and just kind of have an
experience i know people that have good had had
good times with that but then it's like you get this like little bug that's
(29:40):
like oh i got the reality tv like what's the next thing what's this and you
get caught up in like going to the parties and stuff like that it's like okay
but are you going to the parties to go to the parties you're going to the parties
to network and build your brand like that is so huge when you go on
these shows because yeah it is fun but then there's a lot emotionally that you
deal with afterwards and it's like if you're not focused on what the next thing
(30:03):
is and by thing for yourself.
You know i mean like what's going to really keep you the
longevity of you or create yourself into
a you know being a successful entrepreneur that would
be the advice that i would give and i'm only saying that
because i just said it to two other people and they appreciated
it so i'm just putting it on on wax you know
(30:25):
what i'm saying before i again
before i get into the comments i want to talk to you guys about three stories
that i've seen in the news first one i just seen this video of
little fizz no idea what podcast he
was on or what that he was on you guys probably
saw it just got released today and he's
in this radio station and it's a group of
(30:46):
guys and i don't know what they were talking about but
like the one guy was like oh fizz thought it was going to be like bump bump
bump b2k like something like that like he was like it felt like again i love
being in the circle of shade but i want to know who people are you know i mean
you want to know everyone's personalities and energies it seems like they knew each other so i'm like.
(31:10):
This got awkward, but the guy kind of slighted Fizz a little bit.
I mean, it was one sentence and Fizz ate on that sentence like so much.
And it's like, bro, to the point where he like got out of character,
was like stood up, was like trying to fight him. And then the man took him down.
And it was like, Fizz, you knew that this was, first of all,
look how big that man is. Like little Fizz, sit down.
(31:31):
You know what I mean? Like, but the thing is when you don't feel confident about
yourself, you act out of character.
Like when you don't feel like you are that man
little fizz you you don't got nothing to prove i didn't
know who that man was the only person at that table i knew was you and
again i always say the beyonce effect don't entertain
it because what okay let this man have
(31:53):
his five minutes of fame now you getting up screaming you want your five minutes
you want your five minutes of fame and the man ended up taking you down take
it down your money money oh you know i'm saying that's like because what was
you doing and you're trying to prove yourself and you're trying to prove to
him but really you're trying to prove to yourself
when in reality you should be like I'm Lil Fizz, iconic, B2K, iconic.
(32:15):
Yeah, you aren't happy because you did love and hip hop and all that stuff and
it waters your brain down.
So you're not happy with yourself but that's an illusion because you have been successful.
You have had the things and if you really just clean your act up, you know what I mean?
You wouldn't be sitting here worrying about what the heck this man looking like.
(32:36):
I can't, Makai Pfeiffer from 8 Mile, you know what I'm saying,
like, it's like, bro, what, who,
you know, and maybe, again, like, am I conspiracy theory, maybe negative stuff
is advertising, and that was all fake, maybe, possibly, I don't know, but.
All right, the other story I seen was crazy, and this is something like,
(32:56):
this is more like a guns blazing topic, all right, I seen this video,
and this is why I always say, like perversion like actually i'm gonna say this
story first before i say that last story okay so recently in la there's this
an area called silver lake,
and i just saw this like video it's like a it was a i don't know it was a she
(33:21):
was a trans i think trans congress running for congress or something like that i don't know.
And so it was her TikTok and she was explaining the sign in Silver Lake.
So basically it's this residential area.
And I guess in the 80s, a lot of the people in the neighborhood would complain
(33:42):
that gay men were cruising at the end of their block.
So a sign went up that was like, no cruising.
And then another sign went up. It was like, no U-turns from midnight to 6 a.m.
So I see this story. I'm like, and basically what caught my eye was like,
this U-turn sign was homophobic.
(34:05):
I'm like, how is a U-turn sign homophobic? Like what?
Because look, like I do think that the LGBT, like the gay community needs to, you know what I mean?
Like we always do have to continue fighting for our rights and for us to be
able to create a space for us to be comfortable.
Comfortable but also this we also have to hold people
(34:27):
accountable in our community that it's
like what are you doing there are bigger things there
are you know i mean like you're almost
like go like making it worse for us right because my thing is this this whole
thing on homophobia like homo the u-turn sign being homophobic like fine take
(34:47):
the cruising sign down okay the cruising so now they take now they're complaining
that this u-turn is homophobic and it's like.
I'm sorry if we're like is it or is are we fighting for perversion because one like,
yes i understand cruising and we're in 2024 like back in the day like yeah people
(35:11):
would have to meet at parks because being gay wasn't a you know accepted thing
and it's like so okay fine back Back then they was doing it more.
Now it's more out of a perversion. It's a kink, right? And it's like, why are we?
No, I'm sorry. I'm gay. I don't want if my nephew's living on that street.
I don't, you know what I mean? Even if I'm living on that street,
I don't want to like go outside and put my trash out at night.
(35:33):
And there's like random guys walking around because they're meeting someplace to fuck or do whatever.
Like, and again, that's no knock to people that do it. But it's like,
clearly if it was a situation where it was like, okay, this is getting out of hand.
You know? And it was like, no U-turn, no twice with, it was like a certain amount of times.
It wasn't just like, oh, if you pull down there, like no one's targeting,
(35:55):
you know what I mean? Like, and that, that was the conversation.
It's like, I feel like it's fear baiting, right? And like this person did this,
it's like, you're trying to run for something.
So you're, you found a U-turn sign. Like there wasn't anything else you could
have fought for that would have made more sense that would have,
instead of calling something, everything homophobic, like it's
like well there is perversion and
(36:16):
it's like it feels like that you're fighting more for perversion and i
can go deeper into that topic because i already know the response like some
of the responses that are going to come from that so i'm just going to wait
and put the little bait there so if you disagree with that story or whatever
but we can push that conversation further but why i say the perversion stuff
is like we have to really think about what we do You know what I mean?
(36:40):
I see a lot in the community.
And again, I put myself back there to the point where when I was with my ex, I was more promiscuous.
I allowed him to break down certain morals and values that I had,
and I experienced a different side of life.
(37:03):
And at that time I wasn't paying attention to, you know, how I felt,
what I was saying, like how, you know, what I was putting out into the world.
And it's like, because sometimes it's very ego driven, right?
So we don't think about how it's putting certain type of content out there,
how easily it is for kids to see, are you doing all the things to put parental guidance?
(37:29):
Like, and you say, oh, well, I don't have kids. So it's not, you know, my problem.
And it's like, that's a selfish thing to say, right?
Because all that to this next story, I seen this story on TikTok and I really
wish I could find the video.
I will try to scroll through my likes to re-find it again. But like, this is so wild to me.
It was like a home ring camera and this man comes knocking on the door.
(37:52):
The father opens the door. He's like, hey, and the guy's like,
hey, is Michelle, I don't know what her name was.
He just names a girl's name and dad's
like like my five-year-old daughter
and he was like oh he's like oh I
didn't know she was five and he's like bro what
it was like yeah we were talking on the game and the father's reaction was like
(38:16):
horrified right like what do you mean he was talking on the game like the daughter
comes running up and she was like excited she was like Michael whatever whatever
the guy's name was, like so excited.
And the dad's like, I mean, I don't even know how I would react to this.
Like if this happened in real life, like.
Daughter starts crying because the mother comes and she's like pulling he's
(38:37):
like get her away from the door get away from the door daughter starts crying
she's like no that's my friend that's my friend that's my friend so now like
my thing is like the man's still standing there like still like yo so what's
going on like why are you stopping me from seeing her like we're friends.
This is a mentally deranged person like bro the moment this man first of all the fact you even
(38:59):
pulled up is crazy but then
the moment that dad said his five-year-old daughter
you should have been like whoa what the
fact that you sat at that doorstep thinking you had
any right or any sort of
like motion to be
even able to go into this house is insane insane
(39:22):
now there was a rumor saying that possibly he
was cheating with the wife like there was that kind of
rumor either the or i don't know but like the fact that the daughter was able
to give her address out at five years old off a tablet to a grown man and that
man came to this person's house like that is perversion that man knew that that
(39:43):
was a child like you ain't gonna tell me any differently,
from that like that is perversion and it's just like why does it have to get
to that level for people to be mad, upset, and crazy, like, there's things that
can easily help stop that kind of stuff,
you know what I mean, and like, I know it sounds so deep, and it is,
(40:04):
because it is, it is deep, it is deep, but it's, and it gets exhausting that
you would even have to explain something like that, am I continue watching,
yes, because I have this YouTube thing online.
Thanks for confirming, bum, bum, all right, so, I mean, let's see, Zeus got smiley band.
What, I didn't see anything about that, I don't know nothing about that,
(40:26):
I saw something with Kristen Kelly,
shout out to Kristen Kelly, I hope that she, you know what I mean,
heals with everything that's going on with her, wishing her the best,
not what type of guys are you into,
none at the moment, currently, right now,
boom, all right, well,
(40:48):
that's that, y'all, that's 43 minutes perfect timing boom let me know what topics
y'all want to hear more about if you saw any of those videos that i was talking
about if you agree if you would disagree,
she got banned on social media for them exposing them again oh i'll have to look into that and then,
come back with some other stuff y'all gotta tag me in these stories so then
(41:10):
i can see it because honestly i'm not out here searching for none of that anymore
like it's like that's why we've been talking about the cult stuff and all that
stuff on guns blazing because it's like.
Look, we put all the tea out there, right? In one episode of what's been going on over there.
Now we're just going to start showing other things so you can start piecing,
people can start piecing it together.
Because the other thing that blows my mind is that y'all, anyone who can listen
(41:34):
to Guns and then continue to keep listening to baddies, like it's confusing.
It's like, are you hearing it? Do you get it though? You know what I'm saying?
And it's as simple as like how I said, sometimes we're so ego driven in the
sense of not realizing like by watching that what you're supporting, you know?
And what you're supporting for other people other
children or other things that people see it's like is that the content
(41:56):
that's supposed to be good for also like the fact that
hollywood unlocked is doing their awards on zeus crazy and like they're giving
it to him jonathan majors an award for perseverance or something like that and
it's like everybody in black hollywood like Like that's the person like it feels like too soon.
(42:18):
Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know if he beat the case,
the charges or whatever, but like, it's just how about like an Amanda Seals? You know what I mean?
Here's where someone who got black, feels blacklisted from Hollywood has been
able to create her own brand where she is delivering educated content to.
I don't want to just say black America because I feel like white people listen to her too.
(42:43):
And it's like, you're she, you know what I mean? like to me
that feels like a perseverance award but why are we promoting again
on network like zeus that has
a lot of allegations of violence and
then you're going to give this award to a man who was
just in a domestic violence case like
it's weird it's strange it's weird my conspiracy hat
(43:06):
goes on my antennas go up and it's like um grand
love a grand dom i honestly stopped keeping
up with zeus i'm just watching you period you
know i mean but this is not a baddies baddies podcast bad girls
podcast you know i mean just because julie's from bad girls
club that was a big reason why we like was because
(43:27):
we have other interviews but we're like we got to just chill because
we don't want it to be a bad girls podcast we really want to
get the message of what we're talking about across without
and it can it's fun you know you see judy and stuff
like that it's like you want to start talking about the past and all that but
we have to be careful about what
we don't want it to become you know have you met people
(43:49):
from the challenge yeah i met a lot of them i probably interviewed a lot of
them i don't know who you're talking about but i wouldn't be able to name because
it's a lot but yeah you can look up old episodes they used to do the real world
the challenge after shows we had them in we had mark long hosted with us for a while.
(44:10):
A bunch of other people, my brain is fried right now, because it was a Sunday,
and honestly, I chilled, I really took the day today, and was in chill by myself,
and enjoyed it, and did errands, and I mean, all the house things,
but yeah, I'm gonna hop off here, but okay, if you guys,
have TikTok, you can follow me on TikTok, tomorrow from 1 p.m.
(44:34):
To 3 p.m., I'm gonna be on TikTok live, and I'm going to need your help.
So whoever's in the live, you're going to help me out with setting up the studio
space for, I'm not going to say the name of the show, but basically what I'm
turning the next mood swing podcast into.
I'm not going to say the name of the show because I'm now in the space of,
(44:54):
I'm not going to say it. You're just going to see it. You know what I'm saying?
But it's coming extremely soon. I've been very re-inspired this past week specifically,
which is why, again, I just wanted to come on here and be real with y'all,
have a little cute little conversation.
Is Anissa really rude in real life?
(45:15):
The first time I met her, she was really cool. I don't think she's rude.
I think she's just been in this a long time and she's just a real person.
So it's like, you know, she ain't going to like sugarcoat stuff.
But yeah, I messed with her. She was cool to me. but yeah until next time y'all
appreciate you stopping by peace.
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