4 | How to Build Connection When Your Neurodivergent Child's Defiant Behavior is Out of Control

If you’ve tried being the “nice mom” and the “strict mom” and neither has worked, you’re not alone.

I used to think connection came after compliance—that once my child listened, obeyed, or calmed down, then we could connect. But I’ve learned the hard way that connection isn’t the reward…it’s the foundation. And without it, everything else falls apart.

In this episode, I’m sharing my own journey of realizing that my son’s defiance wasn’t actually defiance—it was dysregulation. He was communicating the only way he knew how, and I was unintentionally making it harder for him to feel safe.

I’ll walk you through four powerful, connection-centered shifts that have helped me rebuild trust with my neurodivergent child: focusing on safety over first-time obedience, getting curious instead of furious, repairing when there’s a rupture, and being the calm in the chaos.

If you’re in the thick of power struggles, meltdowns, and constant pushback, this conversation will give you a fresh lens to see your child’s behavior differently—and remind you that building attachment isn’t about “fixing” them. It’s about becoming the kind of parent they can trust with their whole heart, even on the messy days.

 

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