June 4, 2024 • 18 mins
Embracing Neurodivergent Parenting: Discipline, Acceptance, and Support
This script emphasizes understanding and accepting behaviors as manifestations of a child's disability. It encourages parents to rewire their perspectives, adopt neurodivergent affirming practices, and provide unwavering support. The script highlights the necessity of showing self-compassion and loving the child as they are. The show provides more than 9 tips for disciplining a child with autism through a neurodivergent affirming perspective. The strategies range from self-regulation and changing the environment to allowing the child to face reasonable natural consequences.
Additionally, it references an article from Very Well Family that offers specific discipline strategies.
https://www.verywellfamily.com/discipline-strategies-for-children-with-autism-4005045
00:00 Introduction to Neurodivergent Parenting 15:43 Understanding Behaviors and Acceptance 15:57 Encouragement for Parents 16:23 Final Thoughts and Resources
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to the Parents Guide to Advocacy.
I'm your host, Ashley Hinkle.
My mission is to equip, empower, and support parents to become fierce advocates for their children's unique educational needs.
Our goal as a community is to be resourced and resilient parents, continually growing to be the safe place our children need.
(00:24):
We will navigate the challenges of raising neurodivergent kids, highlight the joyful moments, and celebrate the successes our families experience when we see the spark in our children's eyes from learning something new.
If ending the feelings of overwhelm, guilt, and frustration to embrace courage, perseverance, and empowerment you Sounds good to you? Then let's go. 7 00:00:50,485.714285714 --> 00:00:51,235.714285714 Hey friend. 8 00:00:52,5.714285714 --> 00:00:54,225.714285714 My family and I have been running into the issue. 9 00:00:54,735.714285714 --> 00:00:58,455.714285714 Of how we discipline our son who has autism and ADHD. 10 00:00:59,355.714285714 --> 00:01:02,715.714285714 The typical methods of consequences didn't seem effective. 11 00:01:03,285.714285714 --> 00:01:07,665.714285714 And I didn't want to do anything to make Luke second guess our emotional bond. 12 00:01:08,715.714285714 --> 00:01:10,455.714285714 So I looked into the word discipline. 13 00:01:11,235.714285714 --> 00:01:13,575.714285714 It means to train someone, to follow the rules. 14 00:01:14,235.714285714 --> 00:01:16,425.714285714 Training someone is similar to mentoring them. 15 00:01:16,905.714285714 --> 00:01:19,425.714285714 And walking alongside them and their experiences. 16 00:01:20,355.714285714 --> 00:01:22,395.714285714 What if we saw our kids' behavior. 17 00:01:22,815.714285714 --> 00:01:29,715.714285714 As an opportunity to train or coach them and how to better understand themselves and make different choices. 18 00:01:30,585.714285714 --> 00:01:32,955.714285714 Remember behavior is information. 19 00:01:33,765.714285714 --> 00:01:36,285.714285714 What is our kids' behavior telling us. 20 00:01:37,105.714285714 --> 00:01:40,105.71428571 My son has been fixated on the risers and music class. 21 00:01:40,615.71428571 --> 00:01:42,115.71428571 And climbs on them each week. 22 00:01:43,225.71428571 --> 00:01:46,15.71428571 The teacher has contacted me frustrated a few times. 23 00:01:46,855.71428571 --> 00:01:48,175.71428571 Finally I asked Luke. 24 00:01:48,685.71428571 --> 00:01:53,215.71428571 Why do you like the riser so much? He responded simply TT. 25 00:01:54,295.71428571 --> 00:01:56,425.71428571 The color of the risers was black. 26 00:01:56,755.71428571 --> 00:01:59,365.71428571 Which is the same color as a raccoons mask. 27 00:01:59,905.71428571 --> 00:02:01,615.71428571 My son loves raccoons. 28 00:02:02,245.71428571 --> 00:02:02,845.71428571 Lately. 29 00:02:02,875.71428571 --> 00:02:07,675.71428571 He has been really observant of things that are colored similarly to his favorite stuff. 30 00:02:07,705.71428571 --> 00:02:08,905.71428571 Direct Coon, TT. 31 00:02:09,775.71428571 --> 00:02:11,905.71428571 It was an answer that I wouldn't have considered. 32 00:02:12,715.71428571 --> 00:02:16,225.71428571 Uh, kids will regularly surprise us with creative answers. 33 00:02:16,645.71428571 --> 00:02:18,325.71428571 If we start asking why. 34 00:02:18,625.71428571 --> 00:02:21,85.71428571 More than we tell them to just stop it. 35 00:02:22,105.71428571 --> 00:02:27,85.71428571 I'm working on being quick to listen, slower, to speak and slower, to become angry. 36 00:02:28,175.71428571 --> 00:02:31,25.71428571 It's a super challenging task when emotions run high. 37 00:02:32,45.71428571 --> 00:02:38,255.71428571 But whenever I've been able to do it, I've been amazed at what I learned and how we can address a problem creatively. 38 00:02:39,155.71428571 --> 00:02:42,35.71428571 Outside the box solutions, start to reveal themselves. 39 00:02:42,395.71428571 --> 00:02:45,215.71428571 When we get curious about what our kids are thinking. 40 00:02:45,575.71428571 --> 00:02:47,165.71428571 And we truly listen. 41 00:02:48,75.71428571 --> 00:02:50,805.71428571 So that was actually our first tip. 42 00:02:51,315.71428571 --> 00:02:53,415.71428571 On how to discipline a child with autism. 43 00:02:53,415.71428571 --> 00:02:55,905.71428571 I get curious and listen. 44 00:02:57,155.71428571 --> 00:03:01,685.71428571 Our second tip is to consider how we can provide natural consequences. 45 00:03:02,135.71428571 --> 00:03:03,5.71428571 When possible. 46 00:03:03,725.71428571 --> 00:03:05,555.71428571 Natural consequences are helpful. 47 00:03:06,95.71428571 --> 00:03:10,325.71428571 As long as it's in a safe context because your child can make a choice. 48 00:03:10,805.71428571 --> 00:03:13,235.71428571 And experienced the results of their own actions. 49 00:03:14,105.71428571 --> 00:03:16,325.71428571 Making mistakes in a safe environment. 50 00:03:16,865.71428571 --> 00:03:23,975.71428571 At a young age can be one of the best ways to equip our children with the ability to make wise decisions in the future. 51 00:03:25,115.71428571 --> 00:03:27,875.71428571 They learn the relationship between cause and effect. 52 00:03:28,685.71428571 --> 00:03:31,565.71428571 They need to make mistakes before the stakes are higher. 53 00:03:31,985.71428571 --> 00:03:33,575.71428571 With more severe consequences. 54 00:03:34,335.71428571 --> 00:03:38,535.71428571 They will learn the power of cause and effect and may think more critically in the future. 55 00:03:39,555.71428571 --> 00:03:40,485.71428571 Our third tip. 56 00:03:40,965.71428571 --> 00:03:43,935.71428571 Is to focus more on self-regulation strategies. 57 00:03:44,335.71428571 --> 00:03:46,495.71428571 With our differently wired children. 58 00:03:47,565.71428571 --> 00:03:48,975.71428571 This has been helpful for us. 59 00:03:48,975.71428571 --> 00:03:50,595.71428571 In our family too. 60 00:03:51,465.71428571 --> 00:03:54,885.71428571 It's easy to get caught up in the emotion of navigating discipline. 61 00:03:55,185.71428571 --> 00:03:56,85.71428571 With our kids. 62 00:03:56,505.71428571 --> 00:03:59,715.71428571 So a choice menu with different self-regulation options. 63 00:04:00,345.71428571 --> 00:04:02,265.71428571 Has been a real help. 64 00:04:03,15.71428571 --> 00:04:08,565.71428571 We actually have a choice menu framed in our kitchen that the kids can walk by and select an activity. 65 00:04:08,865.71428571 --> 00:04:10,485.71428571 If they are really angry or sad. 66 00:04:11,295.71428571 --> 00:04:13,215.71428571 My kids are all age five and under. 67 00:04:13,635.71428571 --> 00:04:15,75.71428571 So the choices are simple. 68 00:04:15,825.71428571 --> 00:04:17,985.71428571 But still helpful for anyone. 69 00:04:18,915.71428571 --> 00:04:21,855.71428571 A few of our favorite self-regulation choices are. 70 00:04:22,395.71428571 --> 00:04:23,655.71428571 Listening to music. 71 00:04:23,985.71428571 --> 00:04:27,915.71428571 Watching a short video, taking a walk and making a craft. 72 00:04:29,5.71428571 --> 00:04:34,255.71428571 I admit that there have been many days where I've been completely overwhelmed and frustrated. 73 00:04:35,65.71428571 --> 00:04:39,805.71428571 And the last thing I could think of was to use a self-regulation strategy. 74 00:04:40,895.71428571 --> 00:04:50,705.71428571 But having a physical picture menu of strategies in our kitchen, in a place that is highly visible and gets a lot of foot traffic has been a game changer. 75 00:04:51,785.71428571 --> 00:04:54,5.71428571 And all the feelings I can forget. 76 00:04:54,365.71428571 --> 00:04:55,85.71428571 It's there. 77 00:04:55,745.71428571 --> 00:04:57,755.71428571 But then it catches my eye as I walked by. 78 00:04:58,685.71428571 --> 00:05:02,855.71428571 I'm able to get that visual prompt and change my approach with my kids. 79 00:05:03,725.71428571 --> 00:05:05,585.71428571 Visual reminders around the house. 80 00:05:05,945.71428571 --> 00:05:07,475.71428571 Have always been helpful for me. 81 00:05:08,595.71428571 --> 00:05:10,965.71428571 Putting interventions or supports in place. 82 00:05:11,415.71428571 --> 00:05:14,625.71428571 Before we need them is a great survival tool. 83 00:05:15,105.71428571 --> 00:05:16,275.71428571 For when things get hard. 84 00:05:17,175.71428571 --> 00:05:19,755.71428571 You'll have a life raft, right? When you need it most. 85 00:05:20,455.71428571 --> 00:05:23,545.71428571 You use moments of calm to prepare for the chaos. 86 00:05:24,365.71428571 --> 00:05:27,5.71428571 A few days ago, all three of my kids were going to fight. 87 00:05:27,425.71428571 --> 00:05:28,775.71428571 Over snacks in the pantry. 88 00:05:29,505.71428571 --> 00:05:32,985.71428571 There was tug of war and all were screaming at the top of their lungs. 89 00:05:33,675.71428571 --> 00:05:38,325.71428571 I'm seeing arms flailing and hearing complaints coming from each one at the same time. 90 00:05:39,195.71428571 --> 00:05:41,835.71428571 They aren't hearing my responses over the screaming. 91 00:05:42,555.71428571 --> 00:05:45,855.71428571 As I'm getting angry and an inch away from losing it. 92 00:05:46,305.71428571 --> 00:05:47,655.71428571 I turned to leave the kitchen. 93 00:05:48,45.71428571 --> 00:05:50,685.71428571 And there is that self-regulation menu again. 94 00:05:51,945.71428571 --> 00:05:55,935.71428571 So I took a deep breath and said, Let's put them to music. 95 00:05:56,745.71428571 --> 00:06:01,185.71428571 I put a song on, I knew they'd love good day by forest Frank. 96 00:06:01,905.71428571 --> 00:06:03,705.71428571 Within seconds of the song playing. 97 00:06:04,305.71428571 --> 00:06:06,555.71428571 Two of my kids were squealing with excitement. 98 00:06:06,915.71428571 --> 00:06:08,145.71428571 And we were all dancing. 99 00:06:09,525.71428571 --> 00:06:13,395.71428571 I hadn't seen a switch flip that quickly in the good direction before. 100 00:06:14,115.71428571 --> 00:06:14,655.71428571 Sure. 101 00:06:15,195.71428571 --> 00:06:19,455.71428571 Most of the time that we do a strategy, it's a slow deescalation process. 102 00:06:19,935.71428571 --> 00:06:21,195.71428571 And not a lot of fun. 103 00:06:21,915.71428571 --> 00:06:23,835.71428571 But when you find strategies that work. 104 00:06:24,315.71428571 --> 00:06:25,635.71428571 And your kids love. 105 00:06:26,145.71428571 --> 00:06:27,675.71428571 It can be a great experience. 106 00:06:27,675.71428571 --> 00:06:28,995.71428571 Co-regulating with them. 107 00:06:29,805.71428571 --> 00:06:32,625.71428571 I felt a little lighter after that song finished too. 108 00:06:33,635.71428571 --> 00:06:36,695.71428571 Self-regulation is a powerful way to recover emotionally. 109 00:06:37,115.71428571 --> 00:06:39,545.71428571 And be prepared to deal with the results of our actions. 110 00:06:40,415.71428571 --> 00:06:43,775.71428571 Then we can consider how to thoughtfully respond to our children. 111 00:06:44,315.71428571 --> 00:06:48,35.71428571 In a way that is loving, supportive and equip some for the future. 112 00:06:48,905.71428571 --> 00:06:52,25.71428571 For kids with autism, avoid physical punishment. 113 00:06:52,565.71428571 --> 00:06:53,975.71428571 And pick and choose your battles. 114 00:06:54,245.71428571 --> 00:06:56,285.71428571 Not everything needs to be addressed. 115 00:06:57,5.71428571 --> 00:06:59,285.71428571 And consider if this is something that has an accident. 116 00:06:59,795.71428571 --> 00:07:01,595.71428571 Uh, mystique or on purpose. 117 00:07:02,665.71428571 --> 00:07:05,755.71428571 Our fourth tip is take a teaching approach to discipline. 118 00:07:06,475.71428571 --> 00:07:07,285.71428571 Ask yourself. 119 00:07:07,825.71428571 --> 00:07:11,155.71428571 Does my child have a missing skill that would be helpful in this situation. 120 00:07:11,785.71428571 --> 00:07:18,235.71428571 How can I teach them to respond differently when this happens? Explain how something works or should be done. 121 00:07:19,435.71428571 --> 00:07:20,965.71428571 See how your child responds. 122 00:07:21,745.71428571 --> 00:07:24,235.71428571 They may try to correct the behavior themselves, right. 123 00:07:24,235.71428571 --> 00:07:24,715.71428571 Then. 124 00:07:25,765.71428571 --> 00:07:28,105.71428571 But the important thing is to teach along the way. 125 00:07:28,825.71428571 --> 00:07:31,975.71428571 When you're in natural context and your child is regulated. 126 00:07:32,405.71428571 --> 00:07:35,705.71428571 Show them how to behave and explain why it's important. 127 00:07:36,435.71428571 --> 00:07:39,375.71428571 My daughter always wants to know why I'm doing something. 128 00:07:40,65.71428571 --> 00:07:40,755.71428571 She questions. 129 00:07:40,755.71428571 --> 00:07:41,775.71428571 My every move. 130 00:07:42,195.71428571 --> 00:07:44,745.71428571 It can be difficult to be analyzed most of the time. 131 00:07:45,375.71428571 --> 00:07:48,345.71428571 But I noticed she is truly processing my responses. 132 00:07:48,795.71428571 --> 00:07:50,595.71428571 And it helps her understand the purpose. 133 00:07:51,165.71428571 --> 00:07:52,95.71428571 Of my actions. 134 00:07:53,205.71428571 --> 00:07:57,435.71428571 When she knows the purpose, she is much more likely to conduct yourself differently. 135 00:07:57,765.71428571 --> 00:07:59,715.71428571 The next time we are in that situation. 136 00:08:00,765.71428571 --> 00:08:03,645.71428571 I also see her replicating different social situations. 137 00:08:04,335.71428571 --> 00:08:06,675.71428571 With her Barbies when she doesn't think I'm watching. 138 00:08:07,545.71428571 --> 00:08:12,165.71428571 When we are intentional parents that try to break concepts apart into smaller pieces. 139 00:08:12,645.71428571 --> 00:08:14,205.71428571 That our kids can understand. 140 00:08:14,625.71428571 --> 00:08:18,405.71428571 It can help the world feel more predictable and not so unknown. 141 00:08:19,395.71428571 --> 00:08:22,305.71428571 When my tuner, a divergent kids don't know what to expect. 142 00:08:23,85.71428571 --> 00:08:25,275.71428571 We have even more anxiety and meltdowns. 143 00:08:26,295.71428571 --> 00:08:30,105.71428571 So our fifth in very proactive behavior strategy I use. 144 00:08:30,525.71428571 --> 00:08:32,265.71428571 Whenever our family goes somewhere. 145 00:08:33,45.71428571 --> 00:08:34,605.71428571 Is what I call front loading. 146 00:08:35,635.71428571 --> 00:08:37,645.71428571 Before we step out of the car, I tell them. 147 00:08:38,275.71428571 --> 00:08:38,845.71428571 Okay. 148 00:08:39,295.71428571 --> 00:08:40,435.71428571 This is what we need to know. 149 00:08:41,5.71428571 --> 00:08:46,405.71428571 We are going inside the grocery store, picking up some fruit for the party and going to the self checkout. 150 00:08:47,185.71428571 --> 00:08:49,465.71428571 I'm not planning on getting anything else today. 151 00:08:50,185.71428571 --> 00:08:52,705.71428571 So number one, go inside the store. 152 00:08:53,425.71428571 --> 00:08:54,145.71428571 Number two. 153 00:08:54,565.71428571 --> 00:08:55,465.71428571 Pick out the fruit. 154 00:08:56,125.71428571 --> 00:08:58,165.71428571 Number three, go to self checkout. 155 00:08:58,975.71428571 --> 00:09:04,525.71428571 I directly tell my kids to plan and then summarize it by saying it in a three-step list. 156 00:09:05,5.71428571 --> 00:09:07,15.71428571 My son remembers things really well. 157 00:09:07,15.71428571 --> 00:09:07,825.71428571 If they're numbered. 158 00:09:08,815.71428571 --> 00:09:11,125.71428571 Front-loading is essentially preparing our children. 159 00:09:11,515.71428571 --> 00:09:12,745.71428571 For what is about to happen. 160 00:09:13,675.71428571 --> 00:09:16,135.71428571 That way they can feel secure in the plan. 161 00:09:16,795.71428571 --> 00:09:19,225.71428571 And we take away as much uncertainty as we can. 162 00:09:20,215.71428571 --> 00:09:26,275.71428571 I've learned that in raising young kids, advanced preparation can save the day for all of our sanity. 163 00:09:27,35.71428571 --> 00:09:29,495.71428571 Lots of uncertainty is also the enemy. 164 00:09:30,395.71428571 --> 00:09:32,975.71428571 So our six tip requires us to understand. 165 00:09:33,485.71428571 --> 00:09:36,935.71428571 That sometimes we need to change the environment. 166 00:09:37,385.71428571 --> 00:09:39,35.71428571 Not change the child. 167 00:09:40,265.71428571 --> 00:09:45,905.71428571 We must make the environment conducive to our children's learning and ability to operate successfully. 168 00:09:46,655.71428571 --> 00:09:49,685.71428571 If our child seeks light a sensory stimulation. 169 00:09:50,795.71428571 --> 00:09:55,505.71428571 We should get more colored lighting and use it in different contexts. 170 00:09:56,135.71428571 --> 00:10:01,145.71428571 Maybe we use a light board to help them do their homework or explore translucent shapes. 171 00:10:01,955.71428571 --> 00:10:07,265.71428571 But if they are averse to loud sounds and a construction worker is using a Jack hammer next door. 172 00:10:07,805.71428571 --> 00:10:10,775.71428571 That is best to physically move into a quieter space. 173 00:10:11,885.71428571 --> 00:10:14,645.71428571 Don't force them into environments that will trigger meltdowns. 174 00:10:15,425.71428571 --> 00:10:19,445.71428571 If our children are melting down, then they are in distress and need help. 175 00:10:20,135.71428571 --> 00:10:21,995.71428571 They don't need a lecture or correction. 176 00:10:22,685.71428571 --> 00:10:24,875.71428571 We need to meet their emotional response first. 177 00:10:25,355.71428571 --> 00:10:26,345.71428571 And teach later. 178 00:10:27,275.71428571 --> 00:10:29,105.71428571 No one is going to acquire a skill. 179 00:10:29,585.71428571 --> 00:10:31,25.71428571 When they're at the end of themselves. 180 00:10:32,5.71428571 --> 00:10:34,75.71428571 Knowing your child's disability intimately. 181 00:10:34,435.71428571 --> 00:10:36,895.71428571 Allows you to make supportive decisions quickly. 182 00:10:37,345.71428571 --> 00:10:39,475.71428571 Without having to spend precious time. 183 00:10:39,865.71428571 --> 00:10:41,605.71428571 Trying to figure out the next steps. 184 00:10:42,385.71428571 --> 00:10:44,125.71428571 Knowing how your child is wired. 185 00:10:44,425.71428571 --> 00:10:52,195.71428571 Down to the specific details is a bonus tip that will help you in ways you don't expect until you're in the heat of the moment. 186 00:10:52,995.71428571 --> 00:10:53,535.71428571 All right. 187 00:10:53,655.71428571 --> 00:10:54,585.71428571 Tip number seven. 188 00:10:55,335.71428571 --> 00:10:56,685.71428571 Have routines in place. 189 00:10:57,375.71428571 --> 00:10:59,445.71428571 I'm talking about routines for everything. 190 00:10:59,445.71428571 --> 00:11:00,45.71428571 My friend. 191 00:11:00,585.71428571 --> 00:11:04,815.71428571 From the usual wake up routines in the bedtime routines. 192 00:11:05,295.71428571 --> 00:11:06,315.71428571 To what to do. 193 00:11:06,315.71428571 --> 00:11:08,895.71428571 If your clothes get soaked on a play date routine. 194 00:11:10,155.71428571 --> 00:11:12,525.71428571 Have the household daily routines in place. 195 00:11:12,975.71428571 --> 00:11:14,385.71428571 In a way that fits your family. 196 00:11:14,985.71428571 --> 00:11:19,725.71428571 Do what works for you? Maybe your kids get changed for Ben the living room like mine. 197 00:11:19,725.71428571 --> 00:11:19,995.71428571 Do. 198 00:11:20,925.71428571 --> 00:11:22,545.71428571 Why that is more peaceful. 199 00:11:22,665.71428571 --> 00:11:23,415.71428571 I don't know. 200 00:11:24,165.71428571 --> 00:11:28,695.71428571 Somehow it prevents the mad race up the stairs and the chaos that happens. 201 00:11:29,145.71428571 --> 00:11:30,315.71428571 When avoiding bedtime. 202 00:11:31,275.71428571 --> 00:11:33,975.71428571 We don't have to do things the way they've always been done. 203 00:11:34,575.71428571 --> 00:11:37,665.71428571 We also don't need to feel shame for doing it differently. 204 00:11:38,385.71428571 --> 00:11:40,575.71428571 Our lives may look different than we expected. 205 00:11:41,295.71428571 --> 00:11:43,545.71428571 And we can still have fun and thrive. 206 00:11:44,505.71428571 --> 00:11:47,175.71428571 We can hold space for both of those ideas to be true. 207 00:11:48,375.71428571 --> 00:11:51,795.71428571 And your routine that we have started is having a change of clothes. 208 00:11:52,245.71428571 --> 00:11:54,435.71428571 For each child packed in a blue backpack. 209 00:11:54,825.71428571 --> 00:11:56,325.71428571 That stays in the trunk of the car. 210 00:11:57,45.71428571 --> 00:11:58,785.71428571 It worked so well last weekend. 211 00:11:59,705.71428571 --> 00:12:01,385.71428571 My kids enjoyed some water play. 212 00:12:01,625.71428571 --> 00:12:03,785.71428571 And I didn't know that was on the docket. 213 00:12:04,775.71428571 --> 00:12:07,865.71428571 But when Luke got what he didn't become distressed. 214 00:12:08,405.71428571 --> 00:12:11,675.71428571 Instead, he asked me to get clothes from the blue backpack. 215 00:12:12,335.71428571 --> 00:12:13,85.71428571 He remembered. 216 00:12:13,115.71428571 --> 00:12:15,515.71428571 We have a routine of keeping a change of clothes. 217 00:12:15,995.71428571 --> 00:12:18,665.71428571 In that exact bag in a specific place. 218 00:12:19,325.71428571 --> 00:12:20,495.71428571 Instead of panicking. 219 00:12:20,855.71428571 --> 00:12:24,95.71428571 He had the comfort of knowing he had an option to change. 220 00:12:24,575.71428571 --> 00:12:26,165.71428571 He had a plan in place. 221 00:12:27,515.71428571 --> 00:12:29,705.71428571 It's so helpful to reflect and ask ourselves. 222 00:12:30,125.71428571 --> 00:12:31,145.71428571 What's small routines. 223 00:12:31,145.71428571 --> 00:12:36,305.71428571 Can I put in place? Uh, to make things easier and build predictability into our lives. 224 00:12:37,335.71428571 --> 00:12:38,625.71428571 Moving on to tip eight. 225 00:12:39,285.71428571 --> 00:12:41,25.71428571 Use positive reinforcement. 226 00:12:41,775.71428571 --> 00:12:45,525.71428571 Research shows that using positive reinforcement with any person. 227 00:12:45,975.71428571 --> 00:12:47,925.71428571 Is more likely to motivate them. 228 00:12:48,225.71428571 --> 00:12:49,665.71428571 And lead to success. 229 00:12:50,235.71428571 --> 00:12:52,395.71428571 Negative reinforcement can feel defeating. 230 00:12:52,755.71428571 --> 00:12:55,425.71428571 And lean kids to develop a negative sense of self. 231 00:12:55,785.71428571 --> 00:12:57,885.71428571 Which we want to prevent at all costs. 232 00:12:58,865.71428571 --> 00:13:00,635.71428571 Positive reinforcement focuses. 233 00:13:01,55.71428571 --> 00:13:04,205.71428571 On what your child is doing well and rewarding them. 234 00:13:04,715.71428571 --> 00:13:06,965.71428571 The reward doesn't have to be a piece of candy. 235 00:13:07,325.71428571 --> 00:13:08,765.71428571 Or a store bought item. 236 00:13:09,215.71428571 --> 00:13:11,255.71428571 It can be words of affirmation and praise. 237 00:13:11,825.71428571 --> 00:13:14,705.71428571 Encouraging your child and praising them for a job. 238 00:13:14,735.71428571 --> 00:13:15,365.71428571 Well done. 239 00:13:16,115.71428571 --> 00:13:17,735.71428571 It could also be a behavior chart. 240 00:13:18,155.71428571 --> 00:13:20,765.71428571 Where they collect stickers for following expectations. 241 00:13:21,695.71428571 --> 00:13:23,165.71428571 I made Luke a raccoon chart. 242 00:13:23,795.71428571 --> 00:13:26,795.71428571 I love incorporating his special interest into random things. 243 00:13:27,695.71428571 --> 00:13:33,185.71428571 And each morning that he is the first time listener, he can dab a dot on his chart. 244 00:13:33,995.71428571 --> 00:13:35,405.71428571 When he fills all the spaces. 245 00:13:35,765.71428571 --> 00:13:38,375.71428571 He will get to go to target and pick out a truck. 246 00:13:39,65.71428571 --> 00:13:41,435.71428571 This helps Luke focus on getting ready for school. 247 00:13:41,885.71428571 --> 00:13:46,475.71428571 And completing his routine without getting stuck in a loop or refusing to get dressed. 248 00:13:47,135.71428571 --> 00:13:53,105.71428571 He also gets really excited when we give him verbal praise about how well he is getting ready for his day. 249 00:13:54,75.71428571 --> 00:13:56,895.71428571 Positive reinforcement has a hidden benefit. 250 00:13:57,705.71428571 --> 00:14:00,105.71428571 It helps us connect with our kids in a meaningful way. 251 00:14:00,855.71428571 --> 00:14:02,265.71428571 We are emotionally bonding. 252 00:14:02,265.71428571 --> 00:14:07,275.71428571 When we give praise, support their transitions and celebrate the wins with them. 253 00:14:08,265.71428571 --> 00:14:10,695.71428571 Our kids are feeling loved as we journey together. 254 00:14:11,25.71428571 --> 00:14:12,795.71428571 In pursuing their growth and development. 255 00:14:13,585.71428571 --> 00:14:16,495.71428571 You won't be surprised that this last tip number nine. 256 00:14:16,945.71428571 --> 00:14:18,805.71428571 Has to deal with us as parents. 257 00:14:19,505.71428571 --> 00:14:22,205.71428571 It's similar to knowing our child's wiring in detail. 258 00:14:22,865.71428571 --> 00:14:24,245.71428571 This tip is. 259 00:14:24,905.71428571 --> 00:14:27,545.71428571 Understanding common autistic behaviors. 260 00:14:28,415.71428571 --> 00:14:34,835.71428571 And if your child has another form of neurodivergence knowing the common behaviors for their diagnosis. 261 00:14:35,285.71428571 --> 00:14:36,335.71428571 Is helpful here too. 262 00:14:37,295.71428571 --> 00:14:39,665.71428571 When you understand that your child's arm flapping. 263 00:14:40,145.71428571 --> 00:14:42,275.71428571 It's a common self stimulating behavior. 264 00:14:42,665.71428571 --> 00:14:43,175.71428571 That helps them. 265 00:14:43,205.71428571 --> 00:14:44,105.71428571 Self-regulate. 266 00:14:44,655.71428571 --> 00:14:46,275.71428571 You won't be focused. 267 00:14:46,275.71428571 --> 00:14:47,535.71428571 On getting them to stop. 268 00:14:48,45.71428571 --> 00:14:49,515.71428571 Because they are going to hit someone. 269 00:14:50,175.71428571 --> 00:14:51,975.71428571 You will say, let's move over here. 270 00:14:52,455.71428571 --> 00:14:54,225.71428571 Where you can have more personal space. 271 00:14:54,855.71428571 --> 00:14:59,955.71428571 You begin to find ways to affirm their needs and behaviors rather than correct them. 272 00:15:00,705.71428571 --> 00:15:04,725.71428571 I realized my daughter would rarely make eye contact with the camera. 273 00:15:05,235.71428571 --> 00:15:06,525.71428571 When trying to take her picture. 274 00:15:07,395.71428571 --> 00:15:10,905.71428571 Looking straight into a camera makes her really uncomfortable. 275 00:15:11,295.71428571 --> 00:15:14,655.71428571 But she likes pictures and enjoys looking at them afterwards. 276 00:15:15,465.71428571 --> 00:15:18,915.71428571 So once I realized that this was a common challenge for people with autism. 277 00:15:19,455.71428571 --> 00:15:21,975.71428571 I stopped begging her to look at mama. 278 00:15:22,455.71428571 --> 00:15:23,955.71428571 Every time I wanted a photo. 279 00:15:25,185.71428571 --> 00:15:27,495.71428571 Now I may say, look this way, kids. 280 00:15:28,245.71428571 --> 00:15:30,525.71428571 In a group photo, but then I snap it. 281 00:15:31,35.71428571 --> 00:15:33,435.71428571 And don't insist that anyone looks directly at me. 282 00:15:34,365.71428571 --> 00:15:36,765.71428571 Candid shots have become a favorite for my daughter. 283 00:15:37,335.71428571 --> 00:15:37,935.71428571 And me. 284 00:15:38,235.71428571 --> 00:15:41,985.71428571 Because they are low pressure and we can enjoy talking about them later. 285 00:15:43,5.71428571 --> 00:15:47,415.71428571 Understanding that some behaviors are a manifestation of our child's disability. 286 00:15:47,925.71428571 --> 00:15:54,405.71428571 Allows us to move into a space of acceptance and find different ways to make sure our kids feel a sense of belonging. 287 00:15:55,435.71428571 --> 00:15:56,785.71428571 As we wrap up for today. 288 00:15:57,235.71428571 --> 00:16:01,375.71428571 I want to encourage you on your journey of becoming a neurodivergent affirming parent. 289 00:16:02,185.71428571 --> 00:16:03,445.71428571 There's so much to learn. 290 00:16:03,895.71428571 --> 00:16:07,315.71428571 And a ton of rewiring of ourselves that needs to be done. 291 00:16:08,275.71428571 --> 00:16:11,605.71428571 Turning over every stone to help your child is no small task. 292 00:16:12,205.71428571 --> 00:16:13,135.71428571 You are brave. 293 00:16:13,645.71428571 --> 00:16:16,375.71428571 And your child is blessed to have you in their corner. 294 00:16:17,335.71428571 --> 00:16:18,775.71428571 Remember to love your child. 295 00:16:19,315.71428571 --> 00:16:22,375.71428571 As they are and show yourself some compassion to. 296 00:16:23,425.71428571 --> 00:16:26,5.71428571 I'll link to a helpful article from very well family. 297 00:16:26,425.71428571 --> 00:16:29,815.71428571 That shares some of the mentioned discipline strategies in the show notes. 298 00:16:30,685.71428571 --> 00:16:31,585.71428571 Take care of friend. 299 00:16:32,365.71428571 --> 00:16:33,235.71428571 Until next time. 300 00:16:33,745.71428571 --> 00:16:34,165.71428571 Ash. 301 00:16:36,919.04761905 --> 00:16:38,259.04761905 Hey there, before you go. 302 00:16:38,844.04761905 --> 00:16:41,94.047619 Please go on iTunes and leave me a review. 303 00:16:41,734.047619 --> 00:16:46,194.047619 It will help more parents become resourced and resilient advocates for their children. 304 00:16:47,34.047619 --> 00:16:58,804.046619 Also, if you feel overwhelmed and unfamiliar with what services are available for your child and what to ask for in an IEP meeting, then visit my website, sparkeducationadvocacy. 305 00:16:59,694.047619 --> 00:17:00,34.047619 org. 306 00:17:00,824.047619 --> 00:17:09,314.047619 If you are ready to become your child's best advocate in IEP meetings and in social life experiences, I provide parent coaching. 307 00:17:09,734.047619 --> 00:17:13,624.047619 And IEP representation, both virtually and in person. 308 00:17:14,189.047619 --> 00:17:22,909.047619 I will help you break down the special education system and IEP documents in a relatable way so it's less complicated and more manageable. 309 00:17:23,739.047619 --> 00:17:28,319.047619 Together, we will defeat the inner voices of guilt, overwhelm, and frustration. 310 00:17:28,949.047619 --> 00:17:37,139.047619 You will be equipped with the knowledge and communication skills necessary to hold school staff accountable for meeting our children's educational needs. 311 00:17:38,189.047619 --> 00:17:44,279.047619 I'll also share the key questions and phrases I use in IEP meetings to get things done. 312 00:17:45,49.047619 --> 00:17:53,109.047619 If you're ready to take your seat as your child's expert at the IEP table, go to my website, ClarkEducationAdvocacy. 313 00:17:53,139.047619 --> 00:17:55,689.047619 org, and fill out the contact form.
Welcome to the Parents Guide to Advocacy.
I'm your host, Ashley Hinkle.
My mission is to equip, empower, and support parents to become fierce advocates for their children's unique educational needs.
Our goal as a community is to be resourced and resilient parents, continually growing to be the safe place our children need.
(00:24):
We will navigate the challenges of raising neurodivergent kids, highlight the joyful moments, and celebrate the successes our families experience when we see the spark in our children's eyes from learning something new.
If ending the feelings of overwhelm, guilt, and frustration to embrace courage, perseverance, and empowerment you Sounds good to you? Then let's go. 7 00:00:50,485.714285714 --> 00:00:51,235.714285714 Hey friend. 8 00:00:52,5.714285714 --> 00:00:54,225.714285714 My family and I have been running into the issue. 9 00:00:54,735.714285714 --> 00:00:58,455.714285714 Of how we discipline our son who has autism and ADHD. 10 00:00:59,355.714285714 --> 00:01:02,715.714285714 The typical methods of consequences didn't seem effective. 11 00:01:03,285.714285714 --> 00:01:07,665.714285714 And I didn't want to do anything to make Luke second guess our emotional bond. 12 00:01:08,715.714285714 --> 00:01:10,455.714285714 So I looked into the word discipline. 13 00:01:11,235.714285714 --> 00:01:13,575.714285714 It means to train someone, to follow the rules. 14 00:01:14,235.714285714 --> 00:01:16,425.714285714 Training someone is similar to mentoring them. 15 00:01:16,905.714285714 --> 00:01:19,425.714285714 And walking alongside them and their experiences. 16 00:01:20,355.714285714 --> 00:01:22,395.714285714 What if we saw our kids' behavior. 17 00:01:22,815.714285714 --> 00:01:29,715.714285714 As an opportunity to train or coach them and how to better understand themselves and make different choices. 18 00:01:30,585.714285714 --> 00:01:32,955.714285714 Remember behavior is information. 19 00:01:33,765.714285714 --> 00:01:36,285.714285714 What is our kids' behavior telling us. 20 00:01:37,105.714285714 --> 00:01:40,105.71428571 My son has been fixated on the risers and music class. 21 00:01:40,615.71428571 --> 00:01:42,115.71428571 And climbs on them each week. 22 00:01:43,225.71428571 --> 00:01:46,15.71428571 The teacher has contacted me frustrated a few times. 23 00:01:46,855.71428571 --> 00:01:48,175.71428571 Finally I asked Luke. 24 00:01:48,685.71428571 --> 00:01:53,215.71428571 Why do you like the riser so much? He responded simply TT. 25 00:01:54,295.71428571 --> 00:01:56,425.71428571 The color of the risers was black. 26 00:01:56,755.71428571 --> 00:01:59,365.71428571 Which is the same color as a raccoons mask. 27 00:01:59,905.71428571 --> 00:02:01,615.71428571 My son loves raccoons. 28 00:02:02,245.71428571 --> 00:02:02,845.71428571 Lately. 29 00:02:02,875.71428571 --> 00:02:07,675.71428571 He has been really observant of things that are colored similarly to his favorite stuff. 30 00:02:07,705.71428571 --> 00:02:08,905.71428571 Direct Coon, TT. 31 00:02:09,775.71428571 --> 00:02:11,905.71428571 It was an answer that I wouldn't have considered. 32 00:02:12,715.71428571 --> 00:02:16,225.71428571 Uh, kids will regularly surprise us with creative answers. 33 00:02:16,645.71428571 --> 00:02:18,325.71428571 If we start asking why. 34 00:02:18,625.71428571 --> 00:02:21,85.71428571 More than we tell them to just stop it. 35 00:02:22,105.71428571 --> 00:02:27,85.71428571 I'm working on being quick to listen, slower, to speak and slower, to become angry. 36 00:02:28,175.71428571 --> 00:02:31,25.71428571 It's a super challenging task when emotions run high. 37 00:02:32,45.71428571 --> 00:02:38,255.71428571 But whenever I've been able to do it, I've been amazed at what I learned and how we can address a problem creatively. 38 00:02:39,155.71428571 --> 00:02:42,35.71428571 Outside the box solutions, start to reveal themselves. 39 00:02:42,395.71428571 --> 00:02:45,215.71428571 When we get curious about what our kids are thinking. 40 00:02:45,575.71428571 --> 00:02:47,165.71428571 And we truly listen. 41 00:02:48,75.71428571 --> 00:02:50,805.71428571 So that was actually our first tip. 42 00:02:51,315.71428571 --> 00:02:53,415.71428571 On how to discipline a child with autism. 43 00:02:53,415.71428571 --> 00:02:55,905.71428571 I get curious and listen. 44 00:02:57,155.71428571 --> 00:03:01,685.71428571 Our second tip is to consider how we can provide natural consequences. 45 00:03:02,135.71428571 --> 00:03:03,5.71428571 When possible. 46 00:03:03,725.71428571 --> 00:03:05,555.71428571 Natural consequences are helpful. 47 00:03:06,95.71428571 --> 00:03:10,325.71428571 As long as it's in a safe context because your child can make a choice. 48 00:03:10,805.71428571 --> 00:03:13,235.71428571 And experienced the results of their own actions. 49 00:03:14,105.71428571 --> 00:03:16,325.71428571 Making mistakes in a safe environment. 50 00:03:16,865.71428571 --> 00:03:23,975.71428571 At a young age can be one of the best ways to equip our children with the ability to make wise decisions in the future. 51 00:03:25,115.71428571 --> 00:03:27,875.71428571 They learn the relationship between cause and effect. 52 00:03:28,685.71428571 --> 00:03:31,565.71428571 They need to make mistakes before the stakes are higher. 53 00:03:31,985.71428571 --> 00:03:33,575.71428571 With more severe consequences. 54 00:03:34,335.71428571 --> 00:03:38,535.71428571 They will learn the power of cause and effect and may think more critically in the future. 55 00:03:39,555.71428571 --> 00:03:40,485.71428571 Our third tip. 56 00:03:40,965.71428571 --> 00:03:43,935.71428571 Is to focus more on self-regulation strategies. 57 00:03:44,335.71428571 --> 00:03:46,495.71428571 With our differently wired children. 58 00:03:47,565.71428571 --> 00:03:48,975.71428571 This has been helpful for us. 59 00:03:48,975.71428571 --> 00:03:50,595.71428571 In our family too. 60 00:03:51,465.71428571 --> 00:03:54,885.71428571 It's easy to get caught up in the emotion of navigating discipline. 61 00:03:55,185.71428571 --> 00:03:56,85.71428571 With our kids. 62 00:03:56,505.71428571 --> 00:03:59,715.71428571 So a choice menu with different self-regulation options. 63 00:04:00,345.71428571 --> 00:04:02,265.71428571 Has been a real help. 64 00:04:03,15.71428571 --> 00:04:08,565.71428571 We actually have a choice menu framed in our kitchen that the kids can walk by and select an activity. 65 00:04:08,865.71428571 --> 00:04:10,485.71428571 If they are really angry or sad. 66 00:04:11,295.71428571 --> 00:04:13,215.71428571 My kids are all age five and under. 67 00:04:13,635.71428571 --> 00:04:15,75.71428571 So the choices are simple. 68 00:04:15,825.71428571 --> 00:04:17,985.71428571 But still helpful for anyone. 69 00:04:18,915.71428571 --> 00:04:21,855.71428571 A few of our favorite self-regulation choices are. 70 00:04:22,395.71428571 --> 00:04:23,655.71428571 Listening to music. 71 00:04:23,985.71428571 --> 00:04:27,915.71428571 Watching a short video, taking a walk and making a craft. 72 00:04:29,5.71428571 --> 00:04:34,255.71428571 I admit that there have been many days where I've been completely overwhelmed and frustrated. 73 00:04:35,65.71428571 --> 00:04:39,805.71428571 And the last thing I could think of was to use a self-regulation strategy. 74 00:04:40,895.71428571 --> 00:04:50,705.71428571 But having a physical picture menu of strategies in our kitchen, in a place that is highly visible and gets a lot of foot traffic has been a game changer. 75 00:04:51,785.71428571 --> 00:04:54,5.71428571 And all the feelings I can forget. 76 00:04:54,365.71428571 --> 00:04:55,85.71428571 It's there. 77 00:04:55,745.71428571 --> 00:04:57,755.71428571 But then it catches my eye as I walked by. 78 00:04:58,685.71428571 --> 00:05:02,855.71428571 I'm able to get that visual prompt and change my approach with my kids. 79 00:05:03,725.71428571 --> 00:05:05,585.71428571 Visual reminders around the house. 80 00:05:05,945.71428571 --> 00:05:07,475.71428571 Have always been helpful for me. 81 00:05:08,595.71428571 --> 00:05:10,965.71428571 Putting interventions or supports in place. 82 00:05:11,415.71428571 --> 00:05:14,625.71428571 Before we need them is a great survival tool. 83 00:05:15,105.71428571 --> 00:05:16,275.71428571 For when things get hard. 84 00:05:17,175.71428571 --> 00:05:19,755.71428571 You'll have a life raft, right? When you need it most. 85 00:05:20,455.71428571 --> 00:05:23,545.71428571 You use moments of calm to prepare for the chaos. 86 00:05:24,365.71428571 --> 00:05:27,5.71428571 A few days ago, all three of my kids were going to fight. 87 00:05:27,425.71428571 --> 00:05:28,775.71428571 Over snacks in the pantry. 88 00:05:29,505.71428571 --> 00:05:32,985.71428571 There was tug of war and all were screaming at the top of their lungs. 89 00:05:33,675.71428571 --> 00:05:38,325.71428571 I'm seeing arms flailing and hearing complaints coming from each one at the same time. 90 00:05:39,195.71428571 --> 00:05:41,835.71428571 They aren't hearing my responses over the screaming. 91 00:05:42,555.71428571 --> 00:05:45,855.71428571 As I'm getting angry and an inch away from losing it. 92 00:05:46,305.71428571 --> 00:05:47,655.71428571 I turned to leave the kitchen. 93 00:05:48,45.71428571 --> 00:05:50,685.71428571 And there is that self-regulation menu again. 94 00:05:51,945.71428571 --> 00:05:55,935.71428571 So I took a deep breath and said, Let's put them to music. 95 00:05:56,745.71428571 --> 00:06:01,185.71428571 I put a song on, I knew they'd love good day by forest Frank. 96 00:06:01,905.71428571 --> 00:06:03,705.71428571 Within seconds of the song playing. 97 00:06:04,305.71428571 --> 00:06:06,555.71428571 Two of my kids were squealing with excitement. 98 00:06:06,915.71428571 --> 00:06:08,145.71428571 And we were all dancing. 99 00:06:09,525.71428571 --> 00:06:13,395.71428571 I hadn't seen a switch flip that quickly in the good direction before. 100 00:06:14,115.71428571 --> 00:06:14,655.71428571 Sure. 101 00:06:15,195.71428571 --> 00:06:19,455.71428571 Most of the time that we do a strategy, it's a slow deescalation process. 102 00:06:19,935.71428571 --> 00:06:21,195.71428571 And not a lot of fun. 103 00:06:21,915.71428571 --> 00:06:23,835.71428571 But when you find strategies that work. 104 00:06:24,315.71428571 --> 00:06:25,635.71428571 And your kids love. 105 00:06:26,145.71428571 --> 00:06:27,675.71428571 It can be a great experience. 106 00:06:27,675.71428571 --> 00:06:28,995.71428571 Co-regulating with them. 107 00:06:29,805.71428571 --> 00:06:32,625.71428571 I felt a little lighter after that song finished too. 108 00:06:33,635.71428571 --> 00:06:36,695.71428571 Self-regulation is a powerful way to recover emotionally. 109 00:06:37,115.71428571 --> 00:06:39,545.71428571 And be prepared to deal with the results of our actions. 110 00:06:40,415.71428571 --> 00:06:43,775.71428571 Then we can consider how to thoughtfully respond to our children. 111 00:06:44,315.71428571 --> 00:06:48,35.71428571 In a way that is loving, supportive and equip some for the future. 112 00:06:48,905.71428571 --> 00:06:52,25.71428571 For kids with autism, avoid physical punishment. 113 00:06:52,565.71428571 --> 00:06:53,975.71428571 And pick and choose your battles. 114 00:06:54,245.71428571 --> 00:06:56,285.71428571 Not everything needs to be addressed. 115 00:06:57,5.71428571 --> 00:06:59,285.71428571 And consider if this is something that has an accident. 116 00:06:59,795.71428571 --> 00:07:01,595.71428571 Uh, mystique or on purpose. 117 00:07:02,665.71428571 --> 00:07:05,755.71428571 Our fourth tip is take a teaching approach to discipline. 118 00:07:06,475.71428571 --> 00:07:07,285.71428571 Ask yourself. 119 00:07:07,825.71428571 --> 00:07:11,155.71428571 Does my child have a missing skill that would be helpful in this situation. 120 00:07:11,785.71428571 --> 00:07:18,235.71428571 How can I teach them to respond differently when this happens? Explain how something works or should be done. 121 00:07:19,435.71428571 --> 00:07:20,965.71428571 See how your child responds. 122 00:07:21,745.71428571 --> 00:07:24,235.71428571 They may try to correct the behavior themselves, right. 123 00:07:24,235.71428571 --> 00:07:24,715.71428571 Then. 124 00:07:25,765.71428571 --> 00:07:28,105.71428571 But the important thing is to teach along the way. 125 00:07:28,825.71428571 --> 00:07:31,975.71428571 When you're in natural context and your child is regulated. 126 00:07:32,405.71428571 --> 00:07:35,705.71428571 Show them how to behave and explain why it's important. 127 00:07:36,435.71428571 --> 00:07:39,375.71428571 My daughter always wants to know why I'm doing something. 128 00:07:40,65.71428571 --> 00:07:40,755.71428571 She questions. 129 00:07:40,755.71428571 --> 00:07:41,775.71428571 My every move. 130 00:07:42,195.71428571 --> 00:07:44,745.71428571 It can be difficult to be analyzed most of the time. 131 00:07:45,375.71428571 --> 00:07:48,345.71428571 But I noticed she is truly processing my responses. 132 00:07:48,795.71428571 --> 00:07:50,595.71428571 And it helps her understand the purpose. 133 00:07:51,165.71428571 --> 00:07:52,95.71428571 Of my actions. 134 00:07:53,205.71428571 --> 00:07:57,435.71428571 When she knows the purpose, she is much more likely to conduct yourself differently. 135 00:07:57,765.71428571 --> 00:07:59,715.71428571 The next time we are in that situation. 136 00:08:00,765.71428571 --> 00:08:03,645.71428571 I also see her replicating different social situations. 137 00:08:04,335.71428571 --> 00:08:06,675.71428571 With her Barbies when she doesn't think I'm watching. 138 00:08:07,545.71428571 --> 00:08:12,165.71428571 When we are intentional parents that try to break concepts apart into smaller pieces. 139 00:08:12,645.71428571 --> 00:08:14,205.71428571 That our kids can understand. 140 00:08:14,625.71428571 --> 00:08:18,405.71428571 It can help the world feel more predictable and not so unknown. 141 00:08:19,395.71428571 --> 00:08:22,305.71428571 When my tuner, a divergent kids don't know what to expect. 142 00:08:23,85.71428571 --> 00:08:25,275.71428571 We have even more anxiety and meltdowns. 143 00:08:26,295.71428571 --> 00:08:30,105.71428571 So our fifth in very proactive behavior strategy I use. 144 00:08:30,525.71428571 --> 00:08:32,265.71428571 Whenever our family goes somewhere. 145 00:08:33,45.71428571 --> 00:08:34,605.71428571 Is what I call front loading. 146 00:08:35,635.71428571 --> 00:08:37,645.71428571 Before we step out of the car, I tell them. 147 00:08:38,275.71428571 --> 00:08:38,845.71428571 Okay. 148 00:08:39,295.71428571 --> 00:08:40,435.71428571 This is what we need to know. 149 00:08:41,5.71428571 --> 00:08:46,405.71428571 We are going inside the grocery store, picking up some fruit for the party and going to the self checkout. 150 00:08:47,185.71428571 --> 00:08:49,465.71428571 I'm not planning on getting anything else today. 151 00:08:50,185.71428571 --> 00:08:52,705.71428571 So number one, go inside the store. 152 00:08:53,425.71428571 --> 00:08:54,145.71428571 Number two. 153 00:08:54,565.71428571 --> 00:08:55,465.71428571 Pick out the fruit. 154 00:08:56,125.71428571 --> 00:08:58,165.71428571 Number three, go to self checkout. 155 00:08:58,975.71428571 --> 00:09:04,525.71428571 I directly tell my kids to plan and then summarize it by saying it in a three-step list. 156 00:09:05,5.71428571 --> 00:09:07,15.71428571 My son remembers things really well. 157 00:09:07,15.71428571 --> 00:09:07,825.71428571 If they're numbered. 158 00:09:08,815.71428571 --> 00:09:11,125.71428571 Front-loading is essentially preparing our children. 159 00:09:11,515.71428571 --> 00:09:12,745.71428571 For what is about to happen. 160 00:09:13,675.71428571 --> 00:09:16,135.71428571 That way they can feel secure in the plan. 161 00:09:16,795.71428571 --> 00:09:19,225.71428571 And we take away as much uncertainty as we can. 162 00:09:20,215.71428571 --> 00:09:26,275.71428571 I've learned that in raising young kids, advanced preparation can save the day for all of our sanity. 163 00:09:27,35.71428571 --> 00:09:29,495.71428571 Lots of uncertainty is also the enemy. 164 00:09:30,395.71428571 --> 00:09:32,975.71428571 So our six tip requires us to understand. 165 00:09:33,485.71428571 --> 00:09:36,935.71428571 That sometimes we need to change the environment. 166 00:09:37,385.71428571 --> 00:09:39,35.71428571 Not change the child. 167 00:09:40,265.71428571 --> 00:09:45,905.71428571 We must make the environment conducive to our children's learning and ability to operate successfully. 168 00:09:46,655.71428571 --> 00:09:49,685.71428571 If our child seeks light a sensory stimulation. 169 00:09:50,795.71428571 --> 00:09:55,505.71428571 We should get more colored lighting and use it in different contexts. 170 00:09:56,135.71428571 --> 00:10:01,145.71428571 Maybe we use a light board to help them do their homework or explore translucent shapes. 171 00:10:01,955.71428571 --> 00:10:07,265.71428571 But if they are averse to loud sounds and a construction worker is using a Jack hammer next door. 172 00:10:07,805.71428571 --> 00:10:10,775.71428571 That is best to physically move into a quieter space. 173 00:10:11,885.71428571 --> 00:10:14,645.71428571 Don't force them into environments that will trigger meltdowns. 174 00:10:15,425.71428571 --> 00:10:19,445.71428571 If our children are melting down, then they are in distress and need help. 175 00:10:20,135.71428571 --> 00:10:21,995.71428571 They don't need a lecture or correction. 176 00:10:22,685.71428571 --> 00:10:24,875.71428571 We need to meet their emotional response first. 177 00:10:25,355.71428571 --> 00:10:26,345.71428571 And teach later. 178 00:10:27,275.71428571 --> 00:10:29,105.71428571 No one is going to acquire a skill. 179 00:10:29,585.71428571 --> 00:10:31,25.71428571 When they're at the end of themselves. 180 00:10:32,5.71428571 --> 00:10:34,75.71428571 Knowing your child's disability intimately. 181 00:10:34,435.71428571 --> 00:10:36,895.71428571 Allows you to make supportive decisions quickly. 182 00:10:37,345.71428571 --> 00:10:39,475.71428571 Without having to spend precious time. 183 00:10:39,865.71428571 --> 00:10:41,605.71428571 Trying to figure out the next steps. 184 00:10:42,385.71428571 --> 00:10:44,125.71428571 Knowing how your child is wired. 185 00:10:44,425.71428571 --> 00:10:52,195.71428571 Down to the specific details is a bonus tip that will help you in ways you don't expect until you're in the heat of the moment. 186 00:10:52,995.71428571 --> 00:10:53,535.71428571 All right. 187 00:10:53,655.71428571 --> 00:10:54,585.71428571 Tip number seven. 188 00:10:55,335.71428571 --> 00:10:56,685.71428571 Have routines in place. 189 00:10:57,375.71428571 --> 00:10:59,445.71428571 I'm talking about routines for everything. 190 00:10:59,445.71428571 --> 00:11:00,45.71428571 My friend. 191 00:11:00,585.71428571 --> 00:11:04,815.71428571 From the usual wake up routines in the bedtime routines. 192 00:11:05,295.71428571 --> 00:11:06,315.71428571 To what to do. 193 00:11:06,315.71428571 --> 00:11:08,895.71428571 If your clothes get soaked on a play date routine. 194 00:11:10,155.71428571 --> 00:11:12,525.71428571 Have the household daily routines in place. 195 00:11:12,975.71428571 --> 00:11:14,385.71428571 In a way that fits your family. 196 00:11:14,985.71428571 --> 00:11:19,725.71428571 Do what works for you? Maybe your kids get changed for Ben the living room like mine. 197 00:11:19,725.71428571 --> 00:11:19,995.71428571 Do. 198 00:11:20,925.71428571 --> 00:11:22,545.71428571 Why that is more peaceful. 199 00:11:22,665.71428571 --> 00:11:23,415.71428571 I don't know. 200 00:11:24,165.71428571 --> 00:11:28,695.71428571 Somehow it prevents the mad race up the stairs and the chaos that happens. 201 00:11:29,145.71428571 --> 00:11:30,315.71428571 When avoiding bedtime. 202 00:11:31,275.71428571 --> 00:11:33,975.71428571 We don't have to do things the way they've always been done. 203 00:11:34,575.71428571 --> 00:11:37,665.71428571 We also don't need to feel shame for doing it differently. 204 00:11:38,385.71428571 --> 00:11:40,575.71428571 Our lives may look different than we expected. 205 00:11:41,295.71428571 --> 00:11:43,545.71428571 And we can still have fun and thrive. 206 00:11:44,505.71428571 --> 00:11:47,175.71428571 We can hold space for both of those ideas to be true. 207 00:11:48,375.71428571 --> 00:11:51,795.71428571 And your routine that we have started is having a change of clothes. 208 00:11:52,245.71428571 --> 00:11:54,435.71428571 For each child packed in a blue backpack. 209 00:11:54,825.71428571 --> 00:11:56,325.71428571 That stays in the trunk of the car. 210 00:11:57,45.71428571 --> 00:11:58,785.71428571 It worked so well last weekend. 211 00:11:59,705.71428571 --> 00:12:01,385.71428571 My kids enjoyed some water play. 212 00:12:01,625.71428571 --> 00:12:03,785.71428571 And I didn't know that was on the docket. 213 00:12:04,775.71428571 --> 00:12:07,865.71428571 But when Luke got what he didn't become distressed. 214 00:12:08,405.71428571 --> 00:12:11,675.71428571 Instead, he asked me to get clothes from the blue backpack. 215 00:12:12,335.71428571 --> 00:12:13,85.71428571 He remembered. 216 00:12:13,115.71428571 --> 00:12:15,515.71428571 We have a routine of keeping a change of clothes. 217 00:12:15,995.71428571 --> 00:12:18,665.71428571 In that exact bag in a specific place. 218 00:12:19,325.71428571 --> 00:12:20,495.71428571 Instead of panicking. 219 00:12:20,855.71428571 --> 00:12:24,95.71428571 He had the comfort of knowing he had an option to change. 220 00:12:24,575.71428571 --> 00:12:26,165.71428571 He had a plan in place. 221 00:12:27,515.71428571 --> 00:12:29,705.71428571 It's so helpful to reflect and ask ourselves. 222 00:12:30,125.71428571 --> 00:12:31,145.71428571 What's small routines. 223 00:12:31,145.71428571 --> 00:12:36,305.71428571 Can I put in place? Uh, to make things easier and build predictability into our lives. 224 00:12:37,335.71428571 --> 00:12:38,625.71428571 Moving on to tip eight. 225 00:12:39,285.71428571 --> 00:12:41,25.71428571 Use positive reinforcement. 226 00:12:41,775.71428571 --> 00:12:45,525.71428571 Research shows that using positive reinforcement with any person. 227 00:12:45,975.71428571 --> 00:12:47,925.71428571 Is more likely to motivate them. 228 00:12:48,225.71428571 --> 00:12:49,665.71428571 And lead to success. 229 00:12:50,235.71428571 --> 00:12:52,395.71428571 Negative reinforcement can feel defeating. 230 00:12:52,755.71428571 --> 00:12:55,425.71428571 And lean kids to develop a negative sense of self. 231 00:12:55,785.71428571 --> 00:12:57,885.71428571 Which we want to prevent at all costs. 232 00:12:58,865.71428571 --> 00:13:00,635.71428571 Positive reinforcement focuses. 233 00:13:01,55.71428571 --> 00:13:04,205.71428571 On what your child is doing well and rewarding them. 234 00:13:04,715.71428571 --> 00:13:06,965.71428571 The reward doesn't have to be a piece of candy. 235 00:13:07,325.71428571 --> 00:13:08,765.71428571 Or a store bought item. 236 00:13:09,215.71428571 --> 00:13:11,255.71428571 It can be words of affirmation and praise. 237 00:13:11,825.71428571 --> 00:13:14,705.71428571 Encouraging your child and praising them for a job. 238 00:13:14,735.71428571 --> 00:13:15,365.71428571 Well done. 239 00:13:16,115.71428571 --> 00:13:17,735.71428571 It could also be a behavior chart. 240 00:13:18,155.71428571 --> 00:13:20,765.71428571 Where they collect stickers for following expectations. 241 00:13:21,695.71428571 --> 00:13:23,165.71428571 I made Luke a raccoon chart. 242 00:13:23,795.71428571 --> 00:13:26,795.71428571 I love incorporating his special interest into random things. 243 00:13:27,695.71428571 --> 00:13:33,185.71428571 And each morning that he is the first time listener, he can dab a dot on his chart. 244 00:13:33,995.71428571 --> 00:13:35,405.71428571 When he fills all the spaces. 245 00:13:35,765.71428571 --> 00:13:38,375.71428571 He will get to go to target and pick out a truck. 246 00:13:39,65.71428571 --> 00:13:41,435.71428571 This helps Luke focus on getting ready for school. 247 00:13:41,885.71428571 --> 00:13:46,475.71428571 And completing his routine without getting stuck in a loop or refusing to get dressed. 248 00:13:47,135.71428571 --> 00:13:53,105.71428571 He also gets really excited when we give him verbal praise about how well he is getting ready for his day. 249 00:13:54,75.71428571 --> 00:13:56,895.71428571 Positive reinforcement has a hidden benefit. 250 00:13:57,705.71428571 --> 00:14:00,105.71428571 It helps us connect with our kids in a meaningful way. 251 00:14:00,855.71428571 --> 00:14:02,265.71428571 We are emotionally bonding. 252 00:14:02,265.71428571 --> 00:14:07,275.71428571 When we give praise, support their transitions and celebrate the wins with them. 253 00:14:08,265.71428571 --> 00:14:10,695.71428571 Our kids are feeling loved as we journey together. 254 00:14:11,25.71428571 --> 00:14:12,795.71428571 In pursuing their growth and development. 255 00:14:13,585.71428571 --> 00:14:16,495.71428571 You won't be surprised that this last tip number nine. 256 00:14:16,945.71428571 --> 00:14:18,805.71428571 Has to deal with us as parents. 257 00:14:19,505.71428571 --> 00:14:22,205.71428571 It's similar to knowing our child's wiring in detail. 258 00:14:22,865.71428571 --> 00:14:24,245.71428571 This tip is. 259 00:14:24,905.71428571 --> 00:14:27,545.71428571 Understanding common autistic behaviors. 260 00:14:28,415.71428571 --> 00:14:34,835.71428571 And if your child has another form of neurodivergence knowing the common behaviors for their diagnosis. 261 00:14:35,285.71428571 --> 00:14:36,335.71428571 Is helpful here too. 262 00:14:37,295.71428571 --> 00:14:39,665.71428571 When you understand that your child's arm flapping. 263 00:14:40,145.71428571 --> 00:14:42,275.71428571 It's a common self stimulating behavior. 264 00:14:42,665.71428571 --> 00:14:43,175.71428571 That helps them. 265 00:14:43,205.71428571 --> 00:14:44,105.71428571 Self-regulate. 266 00:14:44,655.71428571 --> 00:14:46,275.71428571 You won't be focused. 267 00:14:46,275.71428571 --> 00:14:47,535.71428571 On getting them to stop. 268 00:14:48,45.71428571 --> 00:14:49,515.71428571 Because they are going to hit someone. 269 00:14:50,175.71428571 --> 00:14:51,975.71428571 You will say, let's move over here. 270 00:14:52,455.71428571 --> 00:14:54,225.71428571 Where you can have more personal space. 271 00:14:54,855.71428571 --> 00:14:59,955.71428571 You begin to find ways to affirm their needs and behaviors rather than correct them. 272 00:15:00,705.71428571 --> 00:15:04,725.71428571 I realized my daughter would rarely make eye contact with the camera. 273 00:15:05,235.71428571 --> 00:15:06,525.71428571 When trying to take her picture. 274 00:15:07,395.71428571 --> 00:15:10,905.71428571 Looking straight into a camera makes her really uncomfortable. 275 00:15:11,295.71428571 --> 00:15:14,655.71428571 But she likes pictures and enjoys looking at them afterwards. 276 00:15:15,465.71428571 --> 00:15:18,915.71428571 So once I realized that this was a common challenge for people with autism. 277 00:15:19,455.71428571 --> 00:15:21,975.71428571 I stopped begging her to look at mama. 278 00:15:22,455.71428571 --> 00:15:23,955.71428571 Every time I wanted a photo. 279 00:15:25,185.71428571 --> 00:15:27,495.71428571 Now I may say, look this way, kids. 280 00:15:28,245.71428571 --> 00:15:30,525.71428571 In a group photo, but then I snap it. 281 00:15:31,35.71428571 --> 00:15:33,435.71428571 And don't insist that anyone looks directly at me. 282 00:15:34,365.71428571 --> 00:15:36,765.71428571 Candid shots have become a favorite for my daughter. 283 00:15:37,335.71428571 --> 00:15:37,935.71428571 And me. 284 00:15:38,235.71428571 --> 00:15:41,985.71428571 Because they are low pressure and we can enjoy talking about them later. 285 00:15:43,5.71428571 --> 00:15:47,415.71428571 Understanding that some behaviors are a manifestation of our child's disability. 286 00:15:47,925.71428571 --> 00:15:54,405.71428571 Allows us to move into a space of acceptance and find different ways to make sure our kids feel a sense of belonging. 287 00:15:55,435.71428571 --> 00:15:56,785.71428571 As we wrap up for today. 288 00:15:57,235.71428571 --> 00:16:01,375.71428571 I want to encourage you on your journey of becoming a neurodivergent affirming parent. 289 00:16:02,185.71428571 --> 00:16:03,445.71428571 There's so much to learn. 290 00:16:03,895.71428571 --> 00:16:07,315.71428571 And a ton of rewiring of ourselves that needs to be done. 291 00:16:08,275.71428571 --> 00:16:11,605.71428571 Turning over every stone to help your child is no small task. 292 00:16:12,205.71428571 --> 00:16:13,135.71428571 You are brave. 293 00:16:13,645.71428571 --> 00:16:16,375.71428571 And your child is blessed to have you in their corner. 294 00:16:17,335.71428571 --> 00:16:18,775.71428571 Remember to love your child. 295 00:16:19,315.71428571 --> 00:16:22,375.71428571 As they are and show yourself some compassion to. 296 00:16:23,425.71428571 --> 00:16:26,5.71428571 I'll link to a helpful article from very well family. 297 00:16:26,425.71428571 --> 00:16:29,815.71428571 That shares some of the mentioned discipline strategies in the show notes. 298 00:16:30,685.71428571 --> 00:16:31,585.71428571 Take care of friend. 299 00:16:32,365.71428571 --> 00:16:33,235.71428571 Until next time. 300 00:16:33,745.71428571 --> 00:16:34,165.71428571 Ash. 301 00:16:36,919.04761905 --> 00:16:38,259.04761905 Hey there, before you go. 302 00:16:38,844.04761905 --> 00:16:41,94.047619 Please go on iTunes and leave me a review. 303 00:16:41,734.047619 --> 00:16:46,194.047619 It will help more parents become resourced and resilient advocates for their children. 304 00:16:47,34.047619 --> 00:16:58,804.046619 Also, if you feel overwhelmed and unfamiliar with what services are available for your child and what to ask for in an IEP meeting, then visit my website, sparkeducationadvocacy. 305 00:16:59,694.047619 --> 00:17:00,34.047619 org. 306 00:17:00,824.047619 --> 00:17:09,314.047619 If you are ready to become your child's best advocate in IEP meetings and in social life experiences, I provide parent coaching. 307 00:17:09,734.047619 --> 00:17:13,624.047619 And IEP representation, both virtually and in person. 308 00:17:14,189.047619 --> 00:17:22,909.047619 I will help you break down the special education system and IEP documents in a relatable way so it's less complicated and more manageable. 309 00:17:23,739.047619 --> 00:17:28,319.047619 Together, we will defeat the inner voices of guilt, overwhelm, and frustration. 310 00:17:28,949.047619 --> 00:17:37,139.047619 You will be equipped with the knowledge and communication skills necessary to hold school staff accountable for meeting our children's educational needs. 311 00:17:38,189.047619 --> 00:17:44,279.047619 I'll also share the key questions and phrases I use in IEP meetings to get things done. 312 00:17:45,49.047619 --> 00:17:53,109.047619 If you're ready to take your seat as your child's expert at the IEP table, go to my website, ClarkEducationAdvocacy. 313 00:17:53,139.047619 --> 00:17:55,689.047619 org, and fill out the contact form.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com