January 28, 2025 • 34 mins
In this episode of the Personality Couch Podcast, we (licensed clinical psychologists Doc Bok and Doc Fish) unpack the 5 major signs of pathological narcissism, as well as 3 bonus invisible signs of narcissism. We explore warning signs of pride, superiority, vanity, and inauthenticity (among others!), providing insights into how these traits manifest in behavior and relationships. We also explore how anger and lack of empathy manifest. We end the episode by discussing vulnerable narcissistic themes that are less observable, like emptiness, helplessness, and low self-esteem. Our discussion highlights everyday narcissism, as well as darker aspects of it, including antisocial and murderous examples of such.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Pathological Narcissism 01:28 Defining Pathological Narcissism 04:55 Sign 1 of Pathological Narcissism: Pride & Self-Righteousness 07:06 Defining Defensive Self-Sufficiency 08:45 Vigilante Narcissism 10:45 Sign 2 of Pathological Narcissism: Superiority & Inferiority 13:20 Specialness & Entitlement 16:50 Sign 3 of Pathological Narcissism: Vanity & Inauthenticity 19:23 Sign 4 of Pathological Narcissism: Anger & Contempt 22:45 Sign 5 of Pathological Narcissism: Decreased Empathy & Callousness 26:12 Invisible Signs of Pathological Narcissism (Vulnerable Narcissism) 32:44 Summary and Closing
References:
- Blaney, P. H., Krueger, R. F., Millon, T. (Eds.). (2014). Oxford textbook of psychopathology (3rd ed.). Oxford University Press.
- McWilliams, N. (2011). Psychoanalytic diagnosis: Understanding personality structure in the clinical process (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Personality Couch podcast,
where we discuss all
things personality and
clinical practice.
I'm your host, Doc Bok, and I'm here
with my co-host, Doc Fish.
We are both licensed clinical
psychologists in private
practice, and today is our second
episode in our series on narcissism.
(00:23):
Specifically, we'll be diving in to what
pathological narcissism is and five signs
you can be on the lookout for, along with
three bonus,
invisible signs that you don't
want to miss.
So let's get right to it.
All right.
So first, narcissism
itself isn't actually bad.
(00:46):
There's healthy narcissism.
Healthy narcissism is part of
development, especially when
we're really little, but it
can morph into unhealthy territory.
And that's where we come
to pathological narcissism.
For today, we're going to sit in that
unhealthy or pathological narcissism box.
Yes.
Narcissism or the term narcissist is not
(01:07):
synonymous with
narcissistic personality disorder.
High levels of narcissism can be found in
all personality disorders.
It's the first thing that
goes into the personality soup.
Pathologic personality disorder is a
categorical diagnosis, and
we'll hit on that more in a
different episode.
(01:27):
That's right.
But Doc Bok, what is
pathological narcissism?
Like, what's it look like?
Yes, great question.
So first we have to look at pathological
narcissism as it relates to the self.
So those with pathological narcissism
have a distorted sense
of who they are and have
(01:48):
difficulty regulating their self
identity, leading to a
constant need for seeking that
support and validation from others.
Okay.
So it's normal to want to see yourself
positively, to seek out
experiences that make you feel
good about yourself.
Absolutely.
But those with pathological narcissism,
(02:10):
they're going to take
that to the extreme.
Yes, very much so.
Yeah.
And with that, there's also a sensitivity
to the everyday
stressors and life's ups and
downs that kind of challenge
this already rocky self view.
So they can't regulate in
the face of stress, right?
(02:31):
They can't handle their
badness, their imperfections.
And so they respond to even normal
stressors in life in a way
that's over the top and often
at the expense of others.
Yeah.
Normal stressors can be something like
aging, lack of success, not
getting their way, significant
(02:51):
losses like whether it be job related,
financial or relationship related.
And that's just a few, but they react to
these stressors by
either putting others down to
keep themselves feeling up for their
imperfections or by fueling their
shifting self image with
(03:12):
praise and narcissistic supply from
outside themselves, right?
Anything that makes the self feel better.
Okay.
So it's kind of like any
cookies of the ego variety.
And if they get them, they're good.
But if they don't, then they become
hangry and act out to
(03:34):
obtain more cookies.
Yeah, that's right.
So an example might be, let's say a
pathological narcissist
comes home and their expectation
is that there's a hot meal the minute
that they walk through the door.
Let's say the partner is maybe 10 minutes
late to getting that dinner on the table.
So that ego cookie that was expected is
(03:56):
missing for like a whole 10 minutes.
And there will be a
tantrum, just like a baby.
It's primitive and childlike to need
constant regulation in this way.
So wanting to be soothed when hurt is
normal, but as adults,
we're supposed to be able to
have the ability to self
(04:17):
soothe or self regulate.
And so if this is lacking, it's
developmentally inappropriate and can
come out in a lot of
ways.
Sometimes though it can hide in plain
sight, especially when there's enough
external reinforcement
or narcissistic supply to feed the ego.
So that's where it can hide.
But like we said, a pathological
(04:39):
narcissism is found in all of the
personality disorders.
So there can be many
different ways that these present.
So duckfish, do you want to kick us off
with the first sign of
pathological narcissism?
Absolutely.
The first sign of pathological narcissism
is pride and self-righteousness.
(05:00):
So someone with pathological narcissism
will not emit their own
shortcomings because of
the core belief that
there's nothing wrong with me.
Like maybe, maybe there's
something wrong with you, not me.
Right.
So they're rejecting their own badness.
So the core belief becomes one of pride
or I'm better than you.
(05:22):
And then pride can also come out as
exaggerated self-esteem.
Look at my achievements.
Aren't I so great?
I'm the smartest, the fittest.
I have the best house, the best career.
I can also be more childlike though, as
in, oh, I'm the
specialist because people take
care of me and love me.
Right.
And this is where it goes beyond just
(05:44):
kind of the classic
narcissist or classic narcissistic
personality disorder that we think of.
This is more of a dependent flavor, but
it's still narcissistic, right?
If the thought is my job is to be
completely dependent
on you to meet my needs.
I can't do it on my own and I'm so
(06:04):
special that you'll keep
doing what I need you to
do.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Like, ugh, that's still pride.
I was even thinking a masochistic flavor
might be like, my pain is so special.
Like pay attention to my special pain
because no one understands me in my pain.
Right.
Sometimes these things aren't like
(06:25):
overtly said, but if you
look at the like transaction
of that social interaction, that's
basically what's happening or it
sometimes is like an
underlying thought as well.
But with the masochistic flavor that you
mentioned, it actually reminded me of
borderline personality.
So sometimes these individuals will
(06:48):
demonstrate pathological
narcissism in this way, in this
like masochistic pride where it's I'm
more special than you
because my pain is so special
or I'm so special that you'll break
boundaries or norms for me.
You'll rescue me.
That makes sense.
Conversely though, pride can also look
(07:09):
like defensive self sufficiency.
So like, I don't need anybody.
I do things by myself.
I built this empire by myself.
No one else gets the credit.
Or it could also look like I can carry
this weight or burden on my own, right?
Which then leads to the specialness and
(07:30):
being the hero, like,
look how much I put up with
or how I survived.
But then pathological narcissists can
also flip this by
saying, well, nobody will help
me.
Right.
So that's like the victim switch that
happens sometimes where
it's like, look how great
I am to woe as me when threatened.
(07:52):
Yeah.
Sometimes even in the
same breath that can happen.
But it's also like you pushed everyone
away and you wanted to
do it by yourself, but now
you're playing different cards.
Right.
So maybe an example might be a boss who's
building a business
like by themselves, but
really there's a lot of people helping.
They're just discredited.
And the boss might say, look at what I
(08:13):
had to sacrifice and
go through to make it by
myself.
Right.
So it's shiny, but still still prideful.
But then pride can also
come out as self-righteousness.
So self-righteousness could be like, I've
got it all figured out.
Look at me as the exemplar of all things
(08:33):
good or of a good
parent, the perfect Christian
family, like the notion that I'm doing
all of these great good
things or going darker.
Maybe that person had it coming.
I murdered them for the good of the
world, which is a
vigilante flavor of narcissism,
(08:55):
but it's still self-righteous.
Like I'm the exemplar.
I did this for you
because I'm so special.
Yes.
Maybe another example would be a racist
social activist who is the
head of a diversity committee
but participates in human trafficking.
So sometimes this pride or
self-righteousness is what we call a
(09:16):
reaction formation against
their own darkness or basically doing the
equal and opposite of
their dark desires or
behavior to look amazing and get praise.
Yeah.
So another example might be a critical
mother who's a teacher and
she gives all of her patients
(09:36):
to her students in the classroom.
But then at home, she's
hypercritical of her own children.
Oh no.
And then likely in that is breeding
little narcissists in the process.
If there's cold harsh
punishment and lack of warmth could be.
Yeah.
But she's a hero in the classroom and she
rescues the children like a look at me.
(09:58):
Oof.
Yeah.
And if someone calls this mom out though,
she's apt to tap into a
more vulnerable facade and
break down.
So like a, you don't appreciate
everything that I do for you.
I'm just a lowly mother.
If I had all the opportunities that you
had, I could have
been more than a teacher.
(10:19):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
So she can't look at the imperfection.
So she switches to the victim and
projects it onto you, right?
That is a common
transaction that happens.
There's a switch that flips, but all of
this is still self-righteous.
It's just maybe different feathers of the
(10:39):
same peacock, should I say?
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, speaking of different feathers, we
have the second sign of
pathological narcissism,
which is superiority.
And then it's inverse inferiority.
Now sometimes these come out as
specialness and
entitlement often due to envy.
(10:59):
Right.
Okay.
So inferiority comes into play because
superiority can actually be
a rejection of the feeling
of inferiority.
So that's one possibility, but then it
can also be kind of the
vulnerable side of the
coin to assume that victim role and then
(11:20):
gain external
validation, admiration, care.
There's a few different
places that that can come from.
So an example of superiority might be
like, I'm above all of
you and I should be employee
of the month.
Where an example of inferiority might be,
I can't believe I
(11:41):
didn't get employee of the
month.
I'm the best at the job and
Bob slept his way to the top.
That's why he got employee
of the month and I didn't.
Okay.
So Bob slipped his way to the top.
Lots of thoughts about
Bob, but that's interesting.
Just like two sides of the same coin.
It's a switch.
All pathological narcissists are capable
(12:02):
of this switch from
superiority to inferiority.
Right.
I deserve this and then I didn't get it,
but they can switch
back and forth from one to
another.
And sometimes that's called like a
victim, victim switching.
I also had a thought we might see this in
politics and I'm not sure
there's really an explanation
(12:23):
needed for that, but I'll
just say maybe possibly.
There might be a game of like
who's male anatomy is bigger.
That's accurate.
Maybe.
Oh my goodness.
I also thought of like more of an
antisocial flavor of superiority.
(12:45):
So antisocial meaning going against
social norms, but like I'm above the law.
The rules don't apply to me.
So I don't need to pay child support.
I don't need to pick up the kids on time
when it's my weekend.
I don't even have to see
the children on my weekend.
Even I have more important things to do.
(13:05):
Right.
Or then when call on the carpet, the
inferiority card might come out where
it's you don't understand
me.
You should reassure me.
I've sacrificed so much as
a father and yada yada yada.
So unsurprisingly, superiority goes hand
in hand with specialness and entitlement.
So of course I should get my dinner comp
(13:27):
since I showed up and
you were understaffed and
unprepared.
And then when you don't get your way, you
might write like the
nasty review and claim
you're the victim and
you're never coming back.
Never coming back here.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Or another example that I thought of
like, like a student,
like, so what if I didn't
complete my homework
assignments all semester?
(13:48):
Like don't you know who I am?
I deserve an A. You want
to keep your job right.
My dad is on the board.
Oh, a different example.
So like, but my girlfriend broke up with
me and my mom got
married and I've been crying
so much and my durable diet.
And how can you even
think of not giving me an A?
I've been suffering so much.
(14:09):
My pain is so special.
Oh dear.
Yep.
That's the victim switching again.
Right.
When you see that
inferiority come into play.
But there's also an air of entitlement.
Right.
I deserve this because of who I am.
Another bigger example, which it does
happen is like, I plan to
go out in a blaze of glory
(14:29):
after this mass murder because mine was
the best idea with the worst carnage.
I deserve to be on the front page of
Google or the paper.
Like I deserve the
attention and the fame.
Yeah, that does happen.
Wow.
But then I also think about that
specialness and entitlement
are a product of some major
(14:51):
envy.
So that's where a lot of this behavior is
stemming from out of that envy.
Maybe the pathological narcissist either
associates with or rub
shoulders with people who possess
qualities that they want or they think
will take them where they need to be.
Right.
(15:11):
So I think of Freud as a
classic example of this.
Oh, for rubbing shoulders, right?
But the somebodies because the world had
not yet recognized his greatness.
That's a good one.
Sometimes the narcissist can tear down
others for the qualities
that they wish they had,
which is kind of a reaction to shame,
(15:32):
which we'll get to in a minute.
But other times too, there's an obsession
about wanting XYZ, when
a better house, clothes,
car, life, job.
And then in that obsession, there's a
fixated pursuit of those
things like I'm going after
I'm obsessively going after these better
clothes, better car, better life.
(15:53):
Right.
Exactly.
And then I thought of
two things actually.
So one is like copycat murders, right?
I can do better, more
bodies, more headlines.
So this is more of like antisocial, maybe
paranoid personality
flavors, but still incredibly
narcissistic.
And then I also just think of like
sometimes I've seen someone with
(16:15):
pathological narcissism
like fawn over someone else that they
want to be like where
it's kind of gross or it's
like, OK, calm it down, like really
turning up the charm
because they want something that
this other person has.
That almost makes me think of like the
(16:36):
people who get plastic
surgery to look like somebody
else.
And then there's a lot of different ways
that that can present.
Sure.
Well, let's go on.
We have another one.
So the third sign of
pathological narcissism.
Vanity can see an inauthenticity.
Oh, yeah, it's a big one.
It can come out as snobbery.
(16:56):
So like I won't even talk to that person
over there because they're
filling the blank disabled
LGBTQ plus overweight, not
white, not rich enough, right?
Etc, etc.
And so I'm better and I'm not going to
associate with them.
Yeah, it's us versus them.
Exactly.
And then I think of like the
inauthenticity of spending,
(17:18):
I don't know, 5K on the Botox
and the falsies and the nails and the
injections and the ozimpic and the
liposuction and yada,
yada, yada.
Meanwhile, being 100,000 in debt, right?
You're spending, I don't know, 100,000 on
the car that you secretly live out of.
(17:41):
There's also people who are like, oh,
look how great I am for
helping all of these people
at like a charity ball.
I donated my time and goods and I can't
stop bragging about
it to everyone I meet.
So all those good deeds are
just cloaked for self gain.
It's well disguised, but
(18:03):
it's just as narcissistic.
Right?
Yeah, that's a tough one because it looks
like they're being so helpful and I mean,
technically maybe they are.
But if you kind of pull back that
curtain, it's like, that's
actually for you, for your
ego.
And then I also think of like schmoozing
everyone you meet in public.
(18:25):
Like that's maybe where that
some of that fawning comes in.
Oh, you're so wonderful.
Blah, blah, blah.
While privately berating your girlfriend
or boyfriend, right?
Or maybe you might go home and say like,
don't you know how hard my life is?
You don't appreciate me.
I hate you.
Love me better since I'm amazing.
(18:46):
Mm hmm.
When, I mean, in the same day they were
kissing someone's hiney out
in public, trying to schmooze
to get ahead, get a deal.
I don't know.
Even charming police that show up to the
scene of a crime, like
your crime, or even after
maybe a domestic dispute, right?
(19:06):
Like convincing the police that it was
self defense, even though
it was cold blooded murder.
Oh, dear.
That was kind of the charm.
It's the charm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like there's been many different
well covered news stories
about that type of thing.
Yikes.
Well then we have contempt and anger.
(19:27):
So that's sign number four.
And this is really a rejection of shame.
So it's a shame shield and it can range
from like extreme rage
and abuse even to like on
the more mild end, like passive
aggressiveness or maybe avoidance of
people, places, things
(19:48):
that elicit feelings of shame.
So it's a spectrum.
So maybe more extreme examples might be
that uncontrollable, intense sudden rage.
So flying off the handle and the house
isn't clean to your
liking and like throwing and
smashing things, aggressiveness when
(20:08):
challenged, like domestic
violence, police brutality.
Yeah.
Those are more on the
extreme anger examples.
And then on the passive aggressive side
of things like
withdrawing in any form, avoidance,
possibly even cutting
off the relationship.
(20:31):
So that's like that's a counter move to
get away from the shame.
Perhaps the other person saw you for who
you are, which is a
fraud, which means yeah, cut
it off.
So especially common in a cult like
setting is the threat of punishment.
Maybe getting cut off from the group.
If you start thinking on your own or you
(20:52):
see the imperfections, it
can also happen in narcissistic
family structures.
So they might punish for not obeying the
rules or engage in
purposeful silent treatment for
punishment like for days on end.
They might cut off positive things like
affirmation, gifts, love,
secret group knowledge, those
(21:14):
things.
Right.
So your narcissistic family structures
and cults have a lot in
common actually, where
there's this kind of secret code of
control where you'll
lose secret group knowledge,
love, whatever the
special things are in the group.
If you start to call things out for what
(21:36):
they are, or you start
questioning things or thinking
on your own, there's like a cult like
mentality that can happen.
Oh, absolutely.
And with anger and rage and all of that,
sometimes you
actually may not even see it.
It might be like a silent fuming, like a
simmering, simmering anger.
(21:59):
Maybe I don't know, like how much you
hate your boss, right?
You hate that your boss
makes more money than you.
And then your invisible experience of
pure shame, anger turned
inward, depression, even.
So these individuals might even start
spiraling, which increases suicide risk.
(22:21):
It does.
Okay.
Yeah.
Which is interesting
because that's not super shiny.
Like some of the other, like the
superiority and all the kind of the
peacocking and there's
a darker side to this that's underneath
the surface that is
not always easily seen.
Right.
The underbelly.
Well, let's move on to our fifth sign.
(22:43):
Can you tell me about
decreased empathy and callousness?
Yes.
Okay.
Again, under the surface, there's this
thought that, well,
your emotions don't matter.
Just mine.
Thank you.
Next.
Okay.
So an example, maybe like after a natural
disaster, boasting
(23:05):
like, well, those people
had it coming.
They should be more like me.
Rare.
Like really a loss of compassion when
name a natural disaster
that we've had in the past
several years, not having empathy for
those people at all.
I was thinking even like a smaller
example of like, what do
(23:26):
you mean you're offended?
I think your shirt's horrid.
Like, you just don't get it.
They don't get it.
I think your shirt's horrid.
Why would you think differently?
Why is that offensive?
And I'm the exemplar of fashion, so you
should listen to me.
Obviously, wear my shirt.
Like, yeah, so true.
Goodness or selective
empathy can happen sometimes.
(23:48):
So when it benefits the ego, so I'll be
sympathetic over here
because it makes me look good.
I don't have any sympathy for those whose
loved ones are in hospice.
Ooh, right.
But it benefits the ego to
like express empathy over here.
I don't care if your grandfather died.
The assignment was due today.
(24:10):
Get it done.
Maybe on the way to the
funeral if you have to.
Ooh, I know.
There's just like an emotional coldness
or flatness towards you as a human.
So it may even make you wonder, like, is
there a pulse under there?
Right. Right.
Does this person have a heart?
Yeah, because there's it's about them.
(24:31):
Everything's about them.
And if you're not serving their needs,
their ego, they don't have a
use for you in your emotions.
It's just weakness.
Yes.
This also made me think of another
example, probably more in the like
superiority, inferiority camp.
But maybe this would fall into multiple
different signs that
(24:51):
we talked about already.
But I remember I had a
narcissistic boss at one point.
And I remember I was at a conference or
speaking engagement or something.
And when they were up there answering a
question about an I think it was like an
underserved population or maybe a
(25:12):
marginalized population.
And I didn't think that they knew the
answer to the question.
And sure enough, instead of like saying
that they didn't know the answer, they
just started bawling, like weeping.
And there was this like some effusive
(25:33):
fake empathy for this marginalized group.
And it was like, what just happened?
What is this side of this person?
So I think maybe that's a vulnerable
side, maybe like a victim switching
moment because they
didn't know the answer.
Oh, that's yucky.
(25:53):
That popped into my head while we were
going through some of
these other examples.
So I'm sure that we could think of many.
Narcissism is all around us.
So we went through five signs.
There's also three
bonus pathological signs.
So these are more internal.
(26:15):
These sometimes can be harder to see.
So I think it's important to note that
not all pathological narcissists are
shiny or extroverted
or heck, even charming.
Like not all narcissists
are even good with people.
There's an underbelly to narcissism that
(26:36):
certain types of people
show probably more than others.
But all pathological
narcissists have these pieces.
You just may not see them.
Right. Because they're internal.
So the first one,
emptiness or incompleteness?
You might question, does this person
(26:57):
actually stand for anything?
Who are they?
Sometimes you can see more other mental
health symptoms come up instead.
And you might ask, like,
is this person depressed?
Are they OK?
Like they don't seem to think highly of
themselves sometimes.
(27:17):
But then on the other hand, you've seen
them act like they're
God's gift to humankind.
I know what you're talking about there.
There might also be like a flight of
interest and pursuits in an attempt to
fill that void, that emptiness.
I'm really interested in this fad thing.
It's hot. Everybody has it.
(27:38):
But now over here, I'm interested in this
type of thing because this new shiny
friend has it kind of
like dopamine hopping.
That makes sense. Yep.
Then also, perhaps when the pathological
narcissist needs aren't met
by you, then they lash out.
Right. So that's that's sometimes when
(27:59):
you can get a glimpse of that empty spot
in the ugly behavior, like the tantrums,
the irrationality, the woe is me, just
the icky behavior that
you're like, what is under there?
Like, yeah, like, what is this?
Now, because of that emptiness, suicide
and parasuicidal behaviors are actually
(28:22):
highly correlated with narcissism as a
result of the emptiness, for sure.
And then this also kind of goes hand in
hand with the second one.
And that's helplessness.
So at the core, behind all the fluff, do
you actually see how dependent this
person is on other people to
substantiate their existence?
(28:45):
Like, that's sad. That's really sad.
McWilliams, Nancy
McWilliams, I love her quote.
She said, their need for others is deep,
but their love for them is shallow.
Oh, that's amazing. That's a perfect
description of what
we're talking about here.
Yeah. I'm also just thinking how they can
(29:06):
quickly like assume this victim role.
We talked about that a little bit and
it's to elicit care
and concern from others.
So sometimes you can see them play the
perpetrator role and the victim role
really in the same breath.
And I think we gave some examples in the
inferiority and superiority
part where we talked about that.
(29:28):
But I think it can show up really in any
of the signs that we mentioned today.
You know what? If they also don't have
any options left to protect their ego,
they can transfer this
pain onto the masses.
Yes. Ooh.
So this might be like I'm going to murder
as many people as I can.
I'm going to take out others with me. So
(29:50):
that's often the case
in school shootings.
That is sad. That is so sad.
And if it's not murder,
it's sometimes suicide.
And unfortunately, suicide is more common
in pathological narcissism.
And interestingly, narcissistic
(30:11):
personality disorder, which is different
than pathological narcissism,
but it has pathological narcissism in it
as a core component.
But with NPD, narcissistic personality
disorder specifically, this condition has
the most lethal suicide risk,
even in the absence of depression.
(30:34):
Yeah, that's the empty spot, like the
emptiness, the helplessness behind all
the charades and the facades.
Like there's a really
icky underbelly here.
Sometimes I've seen this with age too,
like we can't handle aging.
So we're going to take control and just
stop it. We're just going to stop.
(30:56):
It's not necessarily depression, but it's
that emptiness. There's
nothing if I don't have this.
Right. Oh, yikes. Like there's nothing if
I don't have this literal image, this
face, this body,
whatever that represents.
Oh, yikes. That's sad. It's very sad.
(31:17):
Paired with this, we have our our third
one here is low self-esteem.
So they're easily triggered, easily
offended, hypersensitive to criticism
because deep down, they don't view
themselves highly at all.
They're shameful. Right. So any negative
self-talk is then
projected onto other people.
(31:38):
Like you're the worst
thing to ever happen to me.
Or sometimes this is just like coming out
as a real negative Nancy.
Like nothing's ever good enough. Like,
well, this restaurant
had four point five stars.
I wanted four point six or higher, like
petty, just petty and very
bitter towards everyone else.
(32:01):
Kind of the chronic complainer.
But that's that's
covering this low self-esteem.
Right. Nothing satisfies except image
based talk and affirmations.
They need that ego support from outside
themselves. Right. Right.
So these three kind of internal signs,
(32:22):
you may see them, you may not, but it's
kind of two sides of the same coin.
It's they're under there. Just I think
some types maybe express the underbelly
more overtly than other types.
But it's all part of the same. I guess I
like to think of it as a
narcissistic spinal column.
Like it's all part of the same thing.
(32:44):
We learned a lot today about the
unhealthy part of narcissism and
specifically the signs and symptoms of
pathological narcissism include pride,
superiority slash entitlement, which
stems from envy, vanity and
inauthenticity, anger,
(33:04):
stemming from shame and
then decreased empathy.
So the three invisible signs of
pathological narcissism are emptiness,
helplessness and low self-esteem.
And as we say, this isn't just
narcissistic personality disorder.
All problematic personalities will have a
(33:25):
whiff of pathological
narcissism as the first ingredient.
It's complicated, which is why we're
doing this whole series on narcissism.
But for today, it's time to wrap up.
Thank you for joining us today on this
episode of The Personality Couch.
Make sure to check out her blogs that
coincide with these episodes at
(33:47):
www.personalitycouch.com.
And as always, don't forget to give us a
thumbs up or rate and review us on your
favorite podcast app.
And on YouTube, hit that bell so you
don't miss a single
episode in our narcissism series.
Be well, be kind and we'll see you next
time on The Personality Couch.
(34:11):
This podcast is for informational
purposes only and does not constitute a
professional relationship.
If you're in need of professional help,
please seek out
appropriate resources in your area.
Information about clinical trends or
diagnoses are discussed in
broad and universal terms
and do not refer to any
specific person or case.
Welcome to the Personality Couch podcast,
where we discuss all
things personality and
clinical practice.
I'm your host, Doc Bok, and I'm here
with my co-host, Doc Fish.
We are both licensed clinical
psychologists in private
practice, and today is our second
episode in our series on narcissism.
(00:23):
Specifically, we'll be diving in to what
pathological narcissism is and five signs
you can be on the lookout for, along with
three bonus,
invisible signs that you don't
want to miss.
So let's get right to it.
All right.
So first, narcissism
itself isn't actually bad.
(00:46):
There's healthy narcissism.
Healthy narcissism is part of
development, especially when
we're really little, but it
can morph into unhealthy territory.
And that's where we come
to pathological narcissism.
For today, we're going to sit in that
unhealthy or pathological narcissism box.
Yes.
Narcissism or the term narcissist is not
(01:07):
synonymous with
narcissistic personality disorder.
High levels of narcissism can be found in
all personality disorders.
It's the first thing that
goes into the personality soup.
Pathologic personality disorder is a
categorical diagnosis, and
we'll hit on that more in a
different episode.
(01:27):
That's right.
But Doc Bok, what is
pathological narcissism?
Like, what's it look like?
Yes, great question.
So first we have to look at pathological
narcissism as it relates to the self.
So those with pathological narcissism
have a distorted sense
of who they are and have
(01:48):
difficulty regulating their self
identity, leading to a
constant need for seeking that
support and validation from others.
Okay.
So it's normal to want to see yourself
positively, to seek out
experiences that make you feel
good about yourself.
Absolutely.
But those with pathological narcissism,
(02:10):
they're going to take
that to the extreme.
Yes, very much so.
Yeah.
And with that, there's also a sensitivity
to the everyday
stressors and life's ups and
downs that kind of challenge
this already rocky self view.
So they can't regulate in
the face of stress, right?
(02:31):
They can't handle their
badness, their imperfections.
And so they respond to even normal
stressors in life in a way
that's over the top and often
at the expense of others.
Yeah.
Normal stressors can be something like
aging, lack of success, not
getting their way, significant
(02:51):
losses like whether it be job related,
financial or relationship related.
And that's just a few, but they react to
these stressors by
either putting others down to
keep themselves feeling up for their
imperfections or by fueling their
shifting self image with
(03:12):
praise and narcissistic supply from
outside themselves, right?
Anything that makes the self feel better.
Okay.
So it's kind of like any
cookies of the ego variety.
And if they get them, they're good.
But if they don't, then they become
hangry and act out to
(03:34):
obtain more cookies.
Yeah, that's right.
So an example might be, let's say a
pathological narcissist
comes home and their expectation
is that there's a hot meal the minute
that they walk through the door.
Let's say the partner is maybe 10 minutes
late to getting that dinner on the table.
So that ego cookie that was expected is
(03:56):
missing for like a whole 10 minutes.
And there will be a
tantrum, just like a baby.
It's primitive and childlike to need
constant regulation in this way.
So wanting to be soothed when hurt is
normal, but as adults,
we're supposed to be able to
have the ability to self
(04:17):
soothe or self regulate.
And so if this is lacking, it's
developmentally inappropriate and can
come out in a lot of
ways.
Sometimes though it can hide in plain
sight, especially when there's enough
external reinforcement
or narcissistic supply to feed the ego.
So that's where it can hide.
But like we said, a pathological
(04:39):
narcissism is found in all of the
personality disorders.
So there can be many
different ways that these present.
So duckfish, do you want to kick us off
with the first sign of
pathological narcissism?
Absolutely.
The first sign of pathological narcissism
is pride and self-righteousness.
(05:00):
So someone with pathological narcissism
will not emit their own
shortcomings because of
the core belief that
there's nothing wrong with me.
Like maybe, maybe there's
something wrong with you, not me.
Right.
So they're rejecting their own badness.
So the core belief becomes one of pride
or I'm better than you.
(05:22):
And then pride can also come out as
exaggerated self-esteem.
Look at my achievements.
Aren't I so great?
I'm the smartest, the fittest.
I have the best house, the best career.
I can also be more childlike though, as
in, oh, I'm the
specialist because people take
care of me and love me.
Right.
And this is where it goes beyond just
(05:44):
kind of the classic
narcissist or classic narcissistic
personality disorder that we think of.
This is more of a dependent flavor, but
it's still narcissistic, right?
If the thought is my job is to be
completely dependent
on you to meet my needs.
I can't do it on my own and I'm so
(06:04):
special that you'll keep
doing what I need you to
do.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Like, ugh, that's still pride.
I was even thinking a masochistic flavor
might be like, my pain is so special.
Like pay attention to my special pain
because no one understands me in my pain.
Right.
Sometimes these things aren't like
(06:25):
overtly said, but if you
look at the like transaction
of that social interaction, that's
basically what's happening or it
sometimes is like an
underlying thought as well.
But with the masochistic flavor that you
mentioned, it actually reminded me of
borderline personality.
So sometimes these individuals will
(06:48):
demonstrate pathological
narcissism in this way, in this
like masochistic pride where it's I'm
more special than you
because my pain is so special
or I'm so special that you'll break
boundaries or norms for me.
You'll rescue me.
That makes sense.
Conversely though, pride can also look
(07:09):
like defensive self sufficiency.
So like, I don't need anybody.
I do things by myself.
I built this empire by myself.
No one else gets the credit.
Or it could also look like I can carry
this weight or burden on my own, right?
Which then leads to the specialness and
(07:30):
being the hero, like,
look how much I put up with
or how I survived.
But then pathological narcissists can
also flip this by
saying, well, nobody will help
me.
Right.
So that's like the victim switch that
happens sometimes where
it's like, look how great
I am to woe as me when threatened.
(07:52):
Yeah.
Sometimes even in the
same breath that can happen.
But it's also like you pushed everyone
away and you wanted to
do it by yourself, but now
you're playing different cards.
Right.
So maybe an example might be a boss who's
building a business
like by themselves, but
really there's a lot of people helping.
They're just discredited.
And the boss might say, look at what I
(08:13):
had to sacrifice and
go through to make it by
myself.
Right.
So it's shiny, but still still prideful.
But then pride can also
come out as self-righteousness.
So self-righteousness could be like, I've
got it all figured out.
Look at me as the exemplar of all things
(08:33):
good or of a good
parent, the perfect Christian
family, like the notion that I'm doing
all of these great good
things or going darker.
Maybe that person had it coming.
I murdered them for the good of the
world, which is a
vigilante flavor of narcissism,
(08:55):
but it's still self-righteous.
Like I'm the exemplar.
I did this for you
because I'm so special.
Yes.
Maybe another example would be a racist
social activist who is the
head of a diversity committee
but participates in human trafficking.
So sometimes this pride or
self-righteousness is what we call a
(09:16):
reaction formation against
their own darkness or basically doing the
equal and opposite of
their dark desires or
behavior to look amazing and get praise.
Yeah.
So another example might be a critical
mother who's a teacher and
she gives all of her patients
(09:36):
to her students in the classroom.
But then at home, she's
hypercritical of her own children.
Oh no.
And then likely in that is breeding
little narcissists in the process.
If there's cold harsh
punishment and lack of warmth could be.
Yeah.
But she's a hero in the classroom and she
rescues the children like a look at me.
(09:58):
Oof.
Yeah.
And if someone calls this mom out though,
she's apt to tap into a
more vulnerable facade and
break down.
So like a, you don't appreciate
everything that I do for you.
I'm just a lowly mother.
If I had all the opportunities that you
had, I could have
been more than a teacher.
(10:19):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yep.
So she can't look at the imperfection.
So she switches to the victim and
projects it onto you, right?
That is a common
transaction that happens.
There's a switch that flips, but all of
this is still self-righteous.
It's just maybe different feathers of the
(10:39):
same peacock, should I say?
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, speaking of different feathers, we
have the second sign of
pathological narcissism,
which is superiority.
And then it's inverse inferiority.
Now sometimes these come out as
specialness and
entitlement often due to envy.
(10:59):
Right.
Okay.
So inferiority comes into play because
superiority can actually be
a rejection of the feeling
of inferiority.
So that's one possibility, but then it
can also be kind of the
vulnerable side of the
coin to assume that victim role and then
(11:20):
gain external
validation, admiration, care.
There's a few different
places that that can come from.
So an example of superiority might be
like, I'm above all of
you and I should be employee
of the month.
Where an example of inferiority might be,
I can't believe I
(11:41):
didn't get employee of the
month.
I'm the best at the job and
Bob slept his way to the top.
That's why he got employee
of the month and I didn't.
Okay.
So Bob slipped his way to the top.
Lots of thoughts about
Bob, but that's interesting.
Just like two sides of the same coin.
It's a switch.
All pathological narcissists are capable
(12:02):
of this switch from
superiority to inferiority.
Right.
I deserve this and then I didn't get it,
but they can switch
back and forth from one to
another.
And sometimes that's called like a
victim, victim switching.
I also had a thought we might see this in
politics and I'm not sure
there's really an explanation
(12:23):
needed for that, but I'll
just say maybe possibly.
There might be a game of like
who's male anatomy is bigger.
That's accurate.
Maybe.
Oh my goodness.
I also thought of like more of an
antisocial flavor of superiority.
(12:45):
So antisocial meaning going against
social norms, but like I'm above the law.
The rules don't apply to me.
So I don't need to pay child support.
I don't need to pick up the kids on time
when it's my weekend.
I don't even have to see
the children on my weekend.
Even I have more important things to do.
(13:05):
Right.
Or then when call on the carpet, the
inferiority card might come out where
it's you don't understand
me.
You should reassure me.
I've sacrificed so much as
a father and yada yada yada.
So unsurprisingly, superiority goes hand
in hand with specialness and entitlement.
So of course I should get my dinner comp
(13:27):
since I showed up and
you were understaffed and
unprepared.
And then when you don't get your way, you
might write like the
nasty review and claim
you're the victim and
you're never coming back.
Never coming back here.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Or another example that I thought of
like, like a student,
like, so what if I didn't
complete my homework
assignments all semester?
(13:48):
Like don't you know who I am?
I deserve an A. You want
to keep your job right.
My dad is on the board.
Oh, a different example.
So like, but my girlfriend broke up with
me and my mom got
married and I've been crying
so much and my durable diet.
And how can you even
think of not giving me an A?
I've been suffering so much.
(14:09):
My pain is so special.
Oh dear.
Yep.
That's the victim switching again.
Right.
When you see that
inferiority come into play.
But there's also an air of entitlement.
Right.
I deserve this because of who I am.
Another bigger example, which it does
happen is like, I plan to
go out in a blaze of glory
(14:29):
after this mass murder because mine was
the best idea with the worst carnage.
I deserve to be on the front page of
Google or the paper.
Like I deserve the
attention and the fame.
Yeah, that does happen.
Wow.
But then I also think about that
specialness and entitlement
are a product of some major
(14:51):
envy.
So that's where a lot of this behavior is
stemming from out of that envy.
Maybe the pathological narcissist either
associates with or rub
shoulders with people who possess
qualities that they want or they think
will take them where they need to be.
Right.
(15:11):
So I think of Freud as a
classic example of this.
Oh, for rubbing shoulders, right?
But the somebodies because the world had
not yet recognized his greatness.
That's a good one.
Sometimes the narcissist can tear down
others for the qualities
that they wish they had,
which is kind of a reaction to shame,
(15:32):
which we'll get to in a minute.
But other times too, there's an obsession
about wanting XYZ, when
a better house, clothes,
car, life, job.
And then in that obsession, there's a
fixated pursuit of those
things like I'm going after
I'm obsessively going after these better
clothes, better car, better life.
(15:53):
Right.
Exactly.
And then I thought of
two things actually.
So one is like copycat murders, right?
I can do better, more
bodies, more headlines.
So this is more of like antisocial, maybe
paranoid personality
flavors, but still incredibly
narcissistic.
And then I also just think of like
sometimes I've seen someone with
(16:15):
pathological narcissism
like fawn over someone else that they
want to be like where
it's kind of gross or it's
like, OK, calm it down, like really
turning up the charm
because they want something that
this other person has.
That almost makes me think of like the
(16:36):
people who get plastic
surgery to look like somebody
else.
And then there's a lot of different ways
that that can present.
Sure.
Well, let's go on.
We have another one.
So the third sign of
pathological narcissism.
Vanity can see an inauthenticity.
Oh, yeah, it's a big one.
It can come out as snobbery.
(16:56):
So like I won't even talk to that person
over there because they're
filling the blank disabled
LGBTQ plus overweight, not
white, not rich enough, right?
Etc, etc.
And so I'm better and I'm not going to
associate with them.
Yeah, it's us versus them.
Exactly.
And then I think of like the
inauthenticity of spending,
(17:18):
I don't know, 5K on the Botox
and the falsies and the nails and the
injections and the ozimpic and the
liposuction and yada,
yada, yada.
Meanwhile, being 100,000 in debt, right?
You're spending, I don't know, 100,000 on
the car that you secretly live out of.
(17:41):
There's also people who are like, oh,
look how great I am for
helping all of these people
at like a charity ball.
I donated my time and goods and I can't
stop bragging about
it to everyone I meet.
So all those good deeds are
just cloaked for self gain.
It's well disguised, but
(18:03):
it's just as narcissistic.
Right?
Yeah, that's a tough one because it looks
like they're being so helpful and I mean,
technically maybe they are.
But if you kind of pull back that
curtain, it's like, that's
actually for you, for your
ego.
And then I also think of like schmoozing
everyone you meet in public.
(18:25):
Like that's maybe where that
some of that fawning comes in.
Oh, you're so wonderful.
Blah, blah, blah.
While privately berating your girlfriend
or boyfriend, right?
Or maybe you might go home and say like,
don't you know how hard my life is?
You don't appreciate me.
I hate you.
Love me better since I'm amazing.
(18:46):
Mm hmm.
When, I mean, in the same day they were
kissing someone's hiney out
in public, trying to schmooze
to get ahead, get a deal.
I don't know.
Even charming police that show up to the
scene of a crime, like
your crime, or even after
maybe a domestic dispute, right?
(19:06):
Like convincing the police that it was
self defense, even though
it was cold blooded murder.
Oh, dear.
That was kind of the charm.
It's the charm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like there's been many different
well covered news stories
about that type of thing.
Yikes.
Well then we have contempt and anger.
(19:27):
So that's sign number four.
And this is really a rejection of shame.
So it's a shame shield and it can range
from like extreme rage
and abuse even to like on
the more mild end, like passive
aggressiveness or maybe avoidance of
people, places, things
(19:48):
that elicit feelings of shame.
So it's a spectrum.
So maybe more extreme examples might be
that uncontrollable, intense sudden rage.
So flying off the handle and the house
isn't clean to your
liking and like throwing and
smashing things, aggressiveness when
(20:08):
challenged, like domestic
violence, police brutality.
Yeah.
Those are more on the
extreme anger examples.
And then on the passive aggressive side
of things like
withdrawing in any form, avoidance,
possibly even cutting
off the relationship.
(20:31):
So that's like that's a counter move to
get away from the shame.
Perhaps the other person saw you for who
you are, which is a
fraud, which means yeah, cut
it off.
So especially common in a cult like
setting is the threat of punishment.
Maybe getting cut off from the group.
If you start thinking on your own or you
(20:52):
see the imperfections, it
can also happen in narcissistic
family structures.
So they might punish for not obeying the
rules or engage in
purposeful silent treatment for
punishment like for days on end.
They might cut off positive things like
affirmation, gifts, love,
secret group knowledge, those
(21:14):
things.
Right.
So your narcissistic family structures
and cults have a lot in
common actually, where
there's this kind of secret code of
control where you'll
lose secret group knowledge,
love, whatever the
special things are in the group.
If you start to call things out for what
(21:36):
they are, or you start
questioning things or thinking
on your own, there's like a cult like
mentality that can happen.
Oh, absolutely.
And with anger and rage and all of that,
sometimes you
actually may not even see it.
It might be like a silent fuming, like a
simmering, simmering anger.
(21:59):
Maybe I don't know, like how much you
hate your boss, right?
You hate that your boss
makes more money than you.
And then your invisible experience of
pure shame, anger turned
inward, depression, even.
So these individuals might even start
spiraling, which increases suicide risk.
(22:21):
It does.
Okay.
Yeah.
Which is interesting
because that's not super shiny.
Like some of the other, like the
superiority and all the kind of the
peacocking and there's
a darker side to this that's underneath
the surface that is
not always easily seen.
Right.
The underbelly.
Well, let's move on to our fifth sign.
(22:43):
Can you tell me about
decreased empathy and callousness?
Yes.
Okay.
Again, under the surface, there's this
thought that, well,
your emotions don't matter.
Just mine.
Thank you.
Next.
Okay.
So an example, maybe like after a natural
disaster, boasting
(23:05):
like, well, those people
had it coming.
They should be more like me.
Rare.
Like really a loss of compassion when
name a natural disaster
that we've had in the past
several years, not having empathy for
those people at all.
I was thinking even like a smaller
example of like, what do
(23:26):
you mean you're offended?
I think your shirt's horrid.
Like, you just don't get it.
They don't get it.
I think your shirt's horrid.
Why would you think differently?
Why is that offensive?
And I'm the exemplar of fashion, so you
should listen to me.
Obviously, wear my shirt.
Like, yeah, so true.
Goodness or selective
empathy can happen sometimes.
(23:48):
So when it benefits the ego, so I'll be
sympathetic over here
because it makes me look good.
I don't have any sympathy for those whose
loved ones are in hospice.
Ooh, right.
But it benefits the ego to
like express empathy over here.
I don't care if your grandfather died.
The assignment was due today.
(24:10):
Get it done.
Maybe on the way to the
funeral if you have to.
Ooh, I know.
There's just like an emotional coldness
or flatness towards you as a human.
So it may even make you wonder, like, is
there a pulse under there?
Right. Right.
Does this person have a heart?
Yeah, because there's it's about them.
(24:31):
Everything's about them.
And if you're not serving their needs,
their ego, they don't have a
use for you in your emotions.
It's just weakness.
Yes.
This also made me think of another
example, probably more in the like
superiority, inferiority camp.
But maybe this would fall into multiple
different signs that
(24:51):
we talked about already.
But I remember I had a
narcissistic boss at one point.
And I remember I was at a conference or
speaking engagement or something.
And when they were up there answering a
question about an I think it was like an
underserved population or maybe a
(25:12):
marginalized population.
And I didn't think that they knew the
answer to the question.
And sure enough, instead of like saying
that they didn't know the answer, they
just started bawling, like weeping.
And there was this like some effusive
(25:33):
fake empathy for this marginalized group.
And it was like, what just happened?
What is this side of this person?
So I think maybe that's a vulnerable
side, maybe like a victim switching
moment because they
didn't know the answer.
Oh, that's yucky.
(25:53):
That popped into my head while we were
going through some of
these other examples.
So I'm sure that we could think of many.
Narcissism is all around us.
So we went through five signs.
There's also three
bonus pathological signs.
So these are more internal.
(26:15):
These sometimes can be harder to see.
So I think it's important to note that
not all pathological narcissists are
shiny or extroverted
or heck, even charming.
Like not all narcissists
are even good with people.
There's an underbelly to narcissism that
(26:36):
certain types of people
show probably more than others.
But all pathological
narcissists have these pieces.
You just may not see them.
Right. Because they're internal.
So the first one,
emptiness or incompleteness?
You might question, does this person
(26:57):
actually stand for anything?
Who are they?
Sometimes you can see more other mental
health symptoms come up instead.
And you might ask, like,
is this person depressed?
Are they OK?
Like they don't seem to think highly of
themselves sometimes.
(27:17):
But then on the other hand, you've seen
them act like they're
God's gift to humankind.
I know what you're talking about there.
There might also be like a flight of
interest and pursuits in an attempt to
fill that void, that emptiness.
I'm really interested in this fad thing.
It's hot. Everybody has it.
(27:38):
But now over here, I'm interested in this
type of thing because this new shiny
friend has it kind of
like dopamine hopping.
That makes sense. Yep.
Then also, perhaps when the pathological
narcissist needs aren't met
by you, then they lash out.
Right. So that's that's sometimes when
(27:59):
you can get a glimpse of that empty spot
in the ugly behavior, like the tantrums,
the irrationality, the woe is me, just
the icky behavior that
you're like, what is under there?
Like, yeah, like, what is this?
Now, because of that emptiness, suicide
and parasuicidal behaviors are actually
(28:22):
highly correlated with narcissism as a
result of the emptiness, for sure.
And then this also kind of goes hand in
hand with the second one.
And that's helplessness.
So at the core, behind all the fluff, do
you actually see how dependent this
person is on other people to
substantiate their existence?
(28:45):
Like, that's sad. That's really sad.
McWilliams, Nancy
McWilliams, I love her quote.
She said, their need for others is deep,
but their love for them is shallow.
Oh, that's amazing. That's a perfect
description of what
we're talking about here.
Yeah. I'm also just thinking how they can
(29:06):
quickly like assume this victim role.
We talked about that a little bit and
it's to elicit care
and concern from others.
So sometimes you can see them play the
perpetrator role and the victim role
really in the same breath.
And I think we gave some examples in the
inferiority and superiority
part where we talked about that.
(29:28):
But I think it can show up really in any
of the signs that we mentioned today.
You know what? If they also don't have
any options left to protect their ego,
they can transfer this
pain onto the masses.
Yes. Ooh.
So this might be like I'm going to murder
as many people as I can.
I'm going to take out others with me. So
(29:50):
that's often the case
in school shootings.
That is sad. That is so sad.
And if it's not murder,
it's sometimes suicide.
And unfortunately, suicide is more common
in pathological narcissism.
And interestingly, narcissistic
(30:11):
personality disorder, which is different
than pathological narcissism,
but it has pathological narcissism in it
as a core component.
But with NPD, narcissistic personality
disorder specifically, this condition has
the most lethal suicide risk,
even in the absence of depression.
(30:34):
Yeah, that's the empty spot, like the
emptiness, the helplessness behind all
the charades and the facades.
Like there's a really
icky underbelly here.
Sometimes I've seen this with age too,
like we can't handle aging.
So we're going to take control and just
stop it. We're just going to stop.
(30:56):
It's not necessarily depression, but it's
that emptiness. There's
nothing if I don't have this.
Right. Oh, yikes. Like there's nothing if
I don't have this literal image, this
face, this body,
whatever that represents.
Oh, yikes. That's sad. It's very sad.
(31:17):
Paired with this, we have our our third
one here is low self-esteem.
So they're easily triggered, easily
offended, hypersensitive to criticism
because deep down, they don't view
themselves highly at all.
They're shameful. Right. So any negative
self-talk is then
projected onto other people.
(31:38):
Like you're the worst
thing to ever happen to me.
Or sometimes this is just like coming out
as a real negative Nancy.
Like nothing's ever good enough. Like,
well, this restaurant
had four point five stars.
I wanted four point six or higher, like
petty, just petty and very
bitter towards everyone else.
(32:01):
Kind of the chronic complainer.
But that's that's
covering this low self-esteem.
Right. Nothing satisfies except image
based talk and affirmations.
They need that ego support from outside
themselves. Right. Right.
So these three kind of internal signs,
(32:22):
you may see them, you may not, but it's
kind of two sides of the same coin.
It's they're under there. Just I think
some types maybe express the underbelly
more overtly than other types.
But it's all part of the same. I guess I
like to think of it as a
narcissistic spinal column.
Like it's all part of the same thing.
(32:44):
We learned a lot today about the
unhealthy part of narcissism and
specifically the signs and symptoms of
pathological narcissism include pride,
superiority slash entitlement, which
stems from envy, vanity and
inauthenticity, anger,
(33:04):
stemming from shame and
then decreased empathy.
So the three invisible signs of
pathological narcissism are emptiness,
helplessness and low self-esteem.
And as we say, this isn't just
narcissistic personality disorder.
All problematic personalities will have a
(33:25):
whiff of pathological
narcissism as the first ingredient.
It's complicated, which is why we're
doing this whole series on narcissism.
But for today, it's time to wrap up.
Thank you for joining us today on this
episode of The Personality Couch.
Make sure to check out her blogs that
coincide with these episodes at
(33:47):
www.personalitycouch.com.
And as always, don't forget to give us a
thumbs up or rate and review us on your
favorite podcast app.
And on YouTube, hit that bell so you
don't miss a single
episode in our narcissism series.
Be well, be kind and we'll see you next
time on The Personality Couch.
(34:11):
This podcast is for informational
purposes only and does not constitute a
professional relationship.
If you're in need of professional help,
please seek out
appropriate resources in your area.
Information about clinical trends or
diagnoses are discussed in
broad and universal terms
and do not refer to any
specific person or case.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com