The Power of Trust and the Weight of Doubt

In this episode, Shielagh recounts one of the most pivotal therapy sessions of her journey, occurring just after the deeply unsettling meeting between Richard Murray and the Greens. Still reeling from the manipulation and disorientation that meeting produced, she brings raw honesty into the therapy room - and into this episode - wrestling with deep self-doubt, despair, and a lifetime of spiritual conditioning that taught her to question her own experiences before ever questioning authority.

Through journal entries and introspection, listeners witness the inner conflict of someone who has spent years blaming herself for harm she didn’t cause. Shielagh explores the dangerous theological messages that formed her, like the overuse or imbalanced use of Jeremiah 17:9, and begins to unravel how spiritual language has been weaponized to justify abuse and silence the voices of those who dare to speak truth.

Her therapist helps reframe this trauma by introducing concepts like locus of control, emphasizing how systems of spiritual abuse distort a victim’s perception of responsibility. Shielagh’s realization that fear may explain - but not excuse - the church's betrayal marks a turning point. She reflects on the impossibly high expectations placed on victims to reconcile without repentance, and the hypocrisy of demanding trust from those the church harmed while never accounting for the harm it wielded when it had the power.

Woven throughout are powerful moments of clarity, including the impact of K.J. Ramsey’s The Lord Is My Courage, which arrives providentially and helps Shielagh articulate the grief and rage of being abandoned by shepherds who claimed to act in God’s name. Through Ramsey’s words and her own experience, Shielagh boldly confronts the institutional betrayal that masquerades as Christian love but fails to live the gospel it preaches.

She closes the episode by naming the difference between false redemption that squashes truth and the real healing that comes through confession, exposure, and justice. Shielagh points listeners toward a deeper truth: that goodness is not found in silence or niceness, but in the fierce, unwavering light of truth-telling and love. Book Mentioned: The Lord is My Courage  by KJ Ramsey. I guess it should be said that, like many titles I recommend, I found this book very helpful while I also do not agree with it entirely.

Time Period Covered: July 2022