Pirates: Totalus Rankium

Pirates: Totalus Rankium

Lighthearted history podcast ranking all of the Golden Age Pirates. Brought to you by the same people who created Roman Emperors Totalus Rankium and American President Totalus Rankium

Episodes

May 27, 2026 17 mins

So we come to the end - and that means one thing! The Pirate Rounds! Let's see who the best pirate of them all is! In this short episode we draw the names.

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We come to our last pirate! William Fly is often considered the last pirate of the Golden Age. But why Fly? did he do something amazing? Or was he a damp squib. 

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April 15, 2026 57 mins

Ned Low was a bit of a git. But what about his right hand man?

Well, probably a git as well. but maybe in a different way? find out!

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April 1, 2026 74 mins

We come to one of the most vicious of all pirates in the golden age. But was this a myth? Was he really that bad? And did he just want to be a lumberjack?

 

Also: Link to Marco's graphic novel mentioned in the episode: https://www.nubes.live/en/product/ammianus-vesper-mundi/?v=813e21682148

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March 18, 2026 61 mins

So, we don't get much on John Philips, but we do get a man to talk about him whose family we have come across before! Can you guess who? Can Jamie?

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February 25, 2026 19 mins

His episode is short, but maybe he is a hidden gem? Maybe?

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February 25, 2026 51 mins

He became a pirate under Howell Davies, he worked with Black Bart - two of the best pirates we have come across. So will Anstis live up to his mentors? Find out!

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February 11, 2026 76 mins

George Lowther may not be the biggest names in pirate history, but he made his mark. He got a chapter in the General History. So let's find out why! 

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Here is the live speech we gave at last year's Intelligent Speech Conference. All about how you have been deceived about pirates! 

We are keynote speakers this year - tickets are out now! It's on the 28th of Feb, and if you go to intelligentspeechonline.com you can get your tickets. Use the code Rankium to get a discount!

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January 28, 2026 87 mins

We cover the rest of the story of Black Bart. The 3rd pirate to get the nickname of "black" in the series. but does he live up to it?

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December 17, 2025 70 mins

We come to another pirate with a cool nick name. Two episodes on him, but why? is the pirate we have all been waiting for?

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November 26, 2025 53 mins

It's not a long episode. And his name is not Christopher Condent. But don't let that disturb you - maybe he is great! Maybe?  

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November 12, 2025 72 mins

This week we look into the life of an Irish pirate called England! We have come across him a couple of times already, but lets see what his story is all about.

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October 29, 2025 50 mins

We go to the friend of Ann this week. What, if anything, makes her stand out from her partner in crime? Does she have a new and equally probably made up back story? Find out!

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October 15, 2025 69 mins

We get to one of the most interesting pirates of the age - Ann Bonny. The pirate world was not kind to women, so how did Ann navigate the tumultuous waters of being a pirate and a woman? Find out! (Oh, and there is a load of fun nonsense from the General History too) 

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October 15, 2025 3 mins

Jamie and I will be keynote speakers at next year's Intelligent Speech conference! It is always a great time. 

Intelligent Speech Online is happening February 28th, 2026.

·         The theme is Companions and Rivals

·         Tickets are on sale at intelligentspeechonline.com

·         Earlybird pricing is available on tickets until December 31st, 2025.

·         Use discount code Rankium to get a discount!

·         Your ticket in...

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October 1, 2025 89 mins

At the end of Vane's episode he was overtaken by his quartermaster. But who was that man? Why was he wearing these clothes, and why are the turtle hunters so buff? Find out!

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September 17, 2025 99 mins

Last time we saw what he got up to under Henry Jennings. But now he is on his own leading a pirate faction against all the leading pirates. Oh, and Woods Rogers is on his way!

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September 3, 2025 81 mins

In a change to the schedule, we are looking at one of the most notorious pirates this week: Charles Vane! In part one we look at his life under one of the father's of golden age piracy - Captain Jennings. 

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August 20, 2025 87 mins

Howel Davies is here. He may not be a popular as Bonnet or Blackbeard, but he has a story! Join us as we review the con man of the seas.

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