September 16, 2025 • 35 mins
Welcome to the *Plan for This Podcast*—your trusted source for estate planning, wills, trusts, caregiving, and financial preparedness.
Hosted by Marguerite Lorenz and Ron Greenwald, we simplify complex topics into clear, actionable steps that help you protect what matters most.
📌 In this episode: Life doesn’t always go as planned—and that’s exactly why planning ahead matters. In this episode of Plan for This, Marguerite and Ron share powerful stories and professional insights about the importance of life planning through estate planning. From unexpected health crises to the realities of probate court, they uncover why every adult—regardless of age, wealth, or family size—needs a plan in place. Marguerite draws on decades of experience as a professional trustee and executor to explain how tools like advanced healthcare directives, powers of attorney, and thoughtful conversations with loved ones can protect both your independence and your family’s harmony. You’ll discover why planning is about more than legal documents—it’s about creating peace of mind, reducing fear, and ensuring your legacy reflects the life you want to be remembered for.
👉 Become a PlanFan today and get access to our First Steps Toolkit, member-only support, and reminders to keep your plan current. Visit www.PlanForThis.com to join our community and take control of your legacy with confidence. Will you be ready when Life asks, “Did you plan for this?” Timestamps: 00:00 – Facing life’s unknowns: why we avoid planning 02:09 – What “being ready” really means 03:30 – Why most people avoid estate planning 05:57 – Defining your legacy and choices for the future 07:37 – The challenge of talking with family about planning 10:45 – How probate code affects those without a plan 12:49 – Why planning isn’t just for the wealthy or elderly 15:13 – Lessons from family experiences 16:28 – Resources, attorneys, and where to begin 17:52 – 9 out of 10 people lack documents: a medical perspective 19:06 – Why “just being married” isn’t enough 20:51 – Unmasking the mystery of life planning 22:29 – Relief and empowerment from getting documents done 24:07 – Building family harmony through proactive planning 25:49 – Sibling rivalry, tough conversations, and family dynamics 27:12 – Why leadership means getting your own plan done 28:28 – Estate planning as your “oxygen mask” 29:56 – The caregiver’s burden and why planning matters 31:16 – Estate planning as practical self-love 33:11 – 100% of families face this reality 34:38 – Marguerite’s final message: protect love, protect family
✨ What You’ll Learn on This Channel: - Estate planning basics (wills, trusts, probate, and more) - Executor and trustee responsibilities explained - Family caregiving, financial preparedness, and legacy planning - Real stories, expert insights, and practical tools
👉 Subscribe for weekly episodes: @PlanForthis 👉 Join our PlanFan community: https://planforthis.com/
Because when life asks, *“Did you plan for this?”*—you’ll be ready.
#EstatePlanning #WillsAndTrusts #Caregiving #FinancialPreparedness #PlanForThisPodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
A lot of us neglect what might happen after we're 50
or 60 or 70 or 80 years old. Wemight not be thinking of
ourselves as someone who willbecome vulnerable someday, and
life is going to keep askingthose really hard questions,
especially that one, did
you plan? Did you plan for this?Or did you miss when life
(00:23):
demands answers you can'tdismiss. Will you be ready when
the trumpet blows? Do you havethe blueprint for life's
unknowns?
Welcome to the show. Plan forthis? I'm Ron Greenwald, with my
(00:46):
incredible co host, MargueriteLorenz, will you be ready when
life asked? Did you plan forthis? What does that mean to
you?
Well, gosh, we all know life isfull of surprises, and sometimes
we wonder, Why me? And that'sreally life asking this big
question, right? Did you planfor this? And there's, there's a
(01:09):
lot of things that we plan for.We might think about the school
we want to attend or the personwe want to marry, and hopefully
we have some support and somelove to have those big,
important conversations aboutthose chapters of life. But a
lot of us neglect what mighthappen after we're 50 or 60 or
70 or 80 years old. We might notbe thinking of ourselves as
(01:31):
someone who will becomevulnerable someday, and life is
going to keep asking thosereally hard questions,
especially that one. Did youplan for this? So I want to
encourage people to look aroundtheir house, look around their
life. What do you think youmight be like as an 80 plus year
old? How mobile Do you thinkyou'll be? Are you planning for
(01:53):
being healthy and strong andable to ski? I mean, May
everyone get their ski for free,right? If you live long enough
and you stay mobile enough, youmight be able to have those
opportunities. So that's why weasked the question, did you plan
for this?
So being ready? What does thatmean to you? How would you
interpret that?
(02:14):
Well, personally, I made thedecision to move to a 55 plus
community. Not everyone's goingto decide that, but if you're
living in an apartment, ifyou're living in a condo, if you
take the stairs when you bringhome your groceries, good for
you, those are all great things.But again, you know, we're
trying to think about what readymeans, if you fell and hit your
(02:37):
head and suddenly, well, who'sgoing to feed the cat? Who's
going to make sure your car isparked on the correct side of
the street? Who's going to helpyou with these day to day living
things that you might not havespecifically planned for, but
hopefully you've planned to givesomeone authority, give somebody
(02:58):
a key, give somebody a way tohelp you if you're really in
trouble, and they should alsoknow that you're in trouble. So
being ready to me and being inthis phase means I've thought
about that a little bit. Whatwould my life look like if I
couldn't live it on my terms?
With your 20 plus years ofexperience, and you've talked to
(03:21):
1000s of people, you'vepresented the 1000s of people.
You're an author. What is theother common thread of why you
feel people do not plan?
Oh, it's terrifying. It's hardto think about what I might be
like when I'm different. And fora lot of people, I think that
just thinking about it, they go,Oh no, no, no, I don't want that
(03:42):
to happen. And you think just bythinking about it, that that
thing is going to happen. Maybeif you repeat it to yourself
often, and you keep setting yourintentions in that direction.
But what if you could set yourintentions in a different way?
What if you could actuallypicture what that might look
like. Stephen Covey is a greatteacher, and he taught the Seven
(04:05):
Habits of Highly SuccessfulPeople. And one of the things he
taught was about thinking fromthe end, well, I want you to
think about your last day on theplanet. Okay, I know, I know
terrifying, but, but we're safe.You're in a safe place. You're
listening to this you'rewatching us. Just think about it
for a minute. And how do youwant to look back on your life?
(04:28):
What do you think will make youfeel like you did it right, that
you're satisfied, that you feelsuccessful? What if we could
picture that and then startbuilding our life towards it so
we feel safe and comfortable formost of our life. We all know
stuff happens. We know there'ssurprises all the time. But for
(04:48):
me, personally, having thatestate plan done, knowing who
that person is, who wouldactually look after my stuff, my
funds, my kids, my life and soon. So. I'm not that afraid.
I've gotten rid of the fear, andthat's what I'm inviting people
to do by listening to us andbeing with us. Independent
(05:09):
trustee Alliance is a proudnonprofit sponsor of plan for
this if you are consideringserving as a trustee, please
visit trustee alliance.com tolearn more about this complex
and sometimes overwhelming job,Trustee alliance.com. Plan for
this. Thanks the estate salewarehouse for all their amazing
(05:29):
service and support. Entirehome, clean outs, inventory,
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more at estate salewarehouse.com.
So let's take the next line ofthe tile that you read, sure you
it says you your family, yourlegacy, the choices you make
(05:50):
today will shape your future.You got a little bit into that,
but let's dive deeper into thatlegacy. What does that mean?
Well, let me ask you a question.How do you want to be
remembered? Do you want to beremembered as somebody who just
kind of faked it until they madeit? Do you want to be remembered
as someone who was reallythoughtful and considerate and
(06:11):
put some things in order so itwouldn't be a mess for somebody
else if we just start in smallincrements, wherever we are in
life today, if we just take thisstep by step. Okay, I know
getting an estate plan feelslike a really big mountain to
climb. It's not really. You'rethe expert of your life. Your
(06:33):
legacy might just be having allyour bills paid. Your legacy
might be that work of art thatyou've been working on for last
few years, and it's not doneyet. Your legacy might be your
kids. So yes, every one of yourchoices does feed into your
future, and if you start now,you can possibly make decisions
(06:54):
that would give you a littlemore financial security when
you're older and you don't wantto work as much, that might make
sure that your kids go to schoolif you couldn't see them through
it yourself. There's a lot todecide. And I'm here because
I've seen a lot of people avoidit, avoid it, avoid it, and then
the crisis happens. And thenwhat happens? You have to go to
(07:16):
court to give somebodyauthority. The person themselves
don't even know what'shappening, but it has to be
done. It would have been so muchbetter if they had an estate
plan.
Well, within that line, it'syour family, and that seems to
be, is that the crux of all ofthis? I'm not going to talk talk
(07:37):
about it.
Well, it's very difficult tohave conversations with people
that you love when you don'tknow the answer for yourself. I
want you to feel safe. If youdon't feel safe talking to your
family, then talking toprofessionals might be the thing
for you. Some of us don't havefamily. Ron, I mean, some of us
don't have anyone we can trustor rely on. What do we do? Well,
(08:01):
you got to find somebody, andyou got to be proactive about
it, because I don't know whenthat thing is going to happen. I
use fallen hit your head a lot,because it's something we can
all relate to. But let me tellyou just a little story. So we
have a lady who's livedindependently her whole life.
She never married, she didn'twant to she had amazing career.
(08:22):
She loved her job, andeventually it was time to retire
from that job. So she's livingalone. She has friends, her
neighbors, they have dinneroccasionally. In fact, a couple
of other neighbors are alsosingle, and they have
Thanksgiving together. It'sbeautiful. She has built a
really nice life. She hasfriends at the library. She has
people that she meets with on aregular basis, but it happened
(08:44):
one day, her trash cans didn'tgo out. Her neighbor noticed
that her trash cans weren't out.What does the neighbor do? The
neighbor comes by and knocks onthe door. The car's in the
driveway, trash cans are notout. Nobody's answering the
door. What do you do next? Whatdoes anybody do next? Well, this
(09:04):
neighbor and my client hadtalked to each other. My client
and I had had this conversation.I said, You need to give your
neighbor some instructions. Whatif you can't answer the door? Do
you want her to call the sheriffand do a well check that would
be reasonable. Does she have akey to your house. How do you
want this to go? Right? So theymade a plan, and it turns out
(09:26):
the neighbor knocked. She wentto the back of the house,
through the backyard and knockedagain, because that's what they
had agreed. She saw her friendlying on the floor in the
kitchen. She went and went backto her house to go get the key,
came back and opened the doorand found that her friend was
alive, but unconscious. She wasable to call 911, so that set a
(09:51):
lot of things in motion. Herfriend, my client, never fully
recovered. Her capacity to livein the. Pendantly, but she I
knew because we had talked priorto this event. Her neighbor had
talked prior to the event, andher neighbor, it turns out, was
her agent for healthcare, and Ihad the other jobs, trustee,
(10:12):
executor and power of attorney.So we worked as a team, and we
made it so that person couldcontinue to live in her house,
but now she needed some care andshe needed more attention. So
that's what I mean by planningahead and the things we're
talking about. Okay,
so the universal need forplanning. Everyone lives in the
same uncertain world. Everyoneneeds an estate plan. Now.
(10:37):
Again, every state is different,sure, but still, everyone needs
a plan. Why?
Well, just in the example that Ishared, let's say there was no
plan for my client. She hadnothing in writing. Her neighbor
finds her on the floor in thekitchen. She never regains
(10:57):
capacity. So in many states, inevery state, there's a body of
law called the probate code.Probate is a procedure to either
move assets along or to protecta human being from themselves or
from being very vulnerable. Andso there's a body of law that
governs the things that we'retalking about. Each state in the
(11:18):
United States has its own lawsabout it. So because there's no
documents, there's no plan, I'mnot in the picture because
nobody named me in advance ofthe need. So this lady now found
on the floor in her home may goto the hospital, but who's going
to come get her from thehospital? Who's going to manage
(11:39):
her bills? Who's going to do?And I hear you thinking about
auto pay, or you've got yourbank paying your bills. That
only works because you'revigilant and you're looking at
how those bills are being paid.So just to round this up, if you
don't have a plan, what ends uphappening is that it's the
crisis that makes the decision.It's the hospital administrator
(12:00):
who figures out that no one'scoming, it's now, oh, well,
somebody has to go to court,somebody has to present to the
judge that this lady can nolonger manage her own affairs.
Maybe she's going to be under aguardianship in California, we
call it conservatorship, butthat's a terrible process, and
that also means that yourinability to manage for yourself
(12:22):
is public. It means thatsomebody has to go through your
house and figure out what you'vegot and how to pay the bills and
so on, somebody you've never metor talked to before, and if that
excites you, do nothing. Goahead. Do nothing. But honestly,
I can't live that way. I can'tlive not knowing what would
(12:43):
happen to me if I was in a caraccident or, you know, stepped
off the curb, or anything couldhappen.
Well, people, yeah, it's, Imean, it's not just so again,
then I think that leads rightinto the next it's not just for
the wealthy and elderly. Soprotect what matters most you
you've just described that youstep off the curb, you're in a
(13:07):
you're in a situation that whoknew that the plane would turn
flip over.
And we use those words wealthyand elderly on purpose, because
you know what? We each have adefinition for what that means,
elderly might be anybody who's10 years older than you. Okay,
so you're 20. Why do you need aplan? You don't have anything.
(13:31):
Well, you certainly do havesomething. You have you, you
have you, you have your future.You have your dreams. You know
you have maybe someone you careabout, maybe somebody cares
about you. So we have to examinethis. We have to look at it
occasionally and go, I have alife. What does that mean to me?
What is my life? And wealth issuch an immeasurable thing, you
(13:54):
know, if I have more than in thebank than it costs to pay my
bills, I'm ahead. Ben Franklinwould say, Hey, you're doing
great, right? But maybe I'mbehind. But even if I'm behind,
maybe I need some help. At somepoint, I have to learn how to
ask for help. An elderly.Listen, we all suffer from a
(14:15):
little ageism, and by the way,we all live a little bit longer
if we let some of that go. Okay,I have never been this healthy
before, this strong before. I'vealso never been this old before,
every day, every day, every day,I'm grateful, and I'm doing the
work. So I'm inviting everyoneto think about, what are your
(14:35):
definitions of wealth, what areyour definitions of elder? And I
want you to know that both ofthose things are in your future,
no matter who you are.
I'll share just before we go tothe next line. It's so adorable
when my my children or in their30s, go, Wow, dad, you were so
(14:56):
right 30 years or 10 years agoor 15 years. Years ago, I am
now, My children are now at apoint where they are starting to
get a little bit more cautiousin the things that they may do
or not do, and so it's just anevolution. And so everybody
needs that plan.
Yeah, I do appreciate being alittle smarter in the eyes of my
(15:16):
children, right? We all needlife experience. Look, nobody
becomes who they are without thetrials and tribulations we
experience. Okay? We all havetrouble. We all have things we
wish didn't happen. We all havethat, but now we have this power
to take some of those negativelessons, like I'm talking to the
(15:36):
5060 somethings right now, whenI say, did you like how your
sibling handled your mom'sestate? Are you going to do that
to your kids? Are you just goingto put it off and not think
about it if you've everinherited something, I want you
to think about that. Somebodythought about you when you
weren't in the room. Somebodywrote your name down. Somebody
(15:58):
thought about how this was goingto be delivered to you. Well,
yeah, pay it forward. Do thework. And I know it's hard. I
know it's hard. That's why I'mnot saying this lightly. I'm
here to help you,
that's what. So that reallythese if you want answers and
resources as life takes you onthe roller coaster. It's roller
(16:19):
coaster ride. Listen to thispodcast. Yeah, what do you want
people overall theme to be?
Well, I want you to visit ourwebsite. Plan for this.com I
want you to know that we'regoing to keep building a
resources page so you have someplace to kind of look. I want to
(16:39):
have toolkits available forpeople that give us their email
address. So maybe you don't knowhow to hire an attorney. Maybe
you've never done that before. Alot of us have never done that
before. Good for you that you'venever needed an attorney for
something. Okay, hard tobelieve. Yeah, they're they're
do it yourself, softwareprograms. I'm not selling those.
(17:00):
I'm not selling my services.Don't hire me to be your
trustee. That's okay, but yougot to think about who's going
to do that job. And I dorecommend that you talk with an
attorney, if you can, and I wantto give you tools to be able to
hire one. So that's just onefacet of the things that we're
talking about. As you canimagine, we're dealing with tax,
(17:22):
legal, financial, medicalthings. We want to talk about
quality of life. We want to talkabout some of those choices that
you have and the people you canrely on, and maybe even how to
be in relationships so that youhave real support. Because I got
to tell you, the scammers areout there. They're learning more
and more about us individuallyall the time. We share our
(17:44):
feelings, we share our hopes anddreams, and somebody might take
advantage. Let's protectourselves against that.
An interesting side is go whenyou if you have just go in for a
simple medical procedure at thedoctor's office at the hospital,
and they will ask you is, do youhave a power of an attorney? Do
(18:07):
you have an estate plan? Thisjust happened to me, and I said,
Well, of course, I of course. Ido. You know I do. And I just
was curious. I asked the thelate the nurse was prepping me
for this procedure. I go whatpercentage of people do not have
anybody named or any documents?I was floored. She said, nine
(18:32):
out of 10 have no plan. Have noplan. No person, no person. And
now My procedure was a procedurethat you do when you are over
50, so I'll let everybody readbetween those lines. Yeah,
that's fine. That's fine. So I'mgoing, this is an older crowd
coming in for this procedure,and I am asking at a very
(18:53):
prominent hospital in San DiegoCounty, green hospital, and I'm
asking the question, how manypeople have any documentation,
and the answer is, well, I'mmarried.
Oh, it's not enough. Kids, kids,it's just not enough to address
that. Okay? So, again,everyone's concerned about
(19:16):
liability. You go to thehospital and they're concerned
about their own liability. Theyhave paperwork for you to sign.
And in my case, I got anadvanced healthcare directive,
right? So my husband is listedas my agent. I've actually
empowered him. I've given himauthority to make a decision
(19:36):
about me. I must trust him alot, right to make a decision
about me if I can't participatein the conversation, and the
medical community is alwaysgoing to ask you first, but you
might not understand theconsequences of a certain
procedure. You might notunderstand their words, they
might not understand yours. Soyou got to have somebody, but
just to say it's my spouse, andhonestly, what? If you and your
(20:00):
spouse are not really gettingalong right now, what if you're
concerned that your coffee mighttaste funny sometime? You know,
I'm you know, we have to bepractical about this, and the
hospital is going to do what youwant. They're going to talk to
the person you select. But ifyou don't select one, we're back
to the court cycle we talkedabout before. We're back to the
fact that the hospital is notgoing to make those decisions.
(20:23):
They're going to put it off onsomeone with legal authority to
do so why? Because they haveshareholders, because it's a
business they're running. That'swhy, and it's not anybody's
fault. This is the system we'rein.
So we are here to unmask themystery of estate and life
planning, and I really use theword life planning, and that's
(20:45):
what I I'd like you to addressunmasking. What does that mean
to you?
I think we we use ourimaginations mostly for the
negative, and yet we're notusing our imaginations for
creating tools and empowerment.I think worry is the wrong use
(21:05):
of imagination. I was a singlemom. I had two little boys. They
were wonderful kids, and I wasreally all they had. Okay, what
happens to them? If somethinghappens to me? That was such a
big question for me, and I cameinto this work, and I got this
(21:26):
incredible education that mostpeople never even hear about.
You know, you're talking aboutnine out of 10 people getting a
procedure don't have anypaperwork. Well, there have been
studies done, and only about athird of American adults have
any kind of plan, and I wouldargue most of those plans are
not going to work. We'll talkabout that sometime, but those
(21:48):
studies have been done, and it'strue, very few of us actually
have been brave enough toutilize our imagination to ask
for help, to connect with someprofessionals, because we live
day to day. We live paycheck topaycheck. We live Friday to
Friday. Most people don't liveMonday to Monday, right? But I'm
gonna say to you, if you'recomplaining about Mondays, hey,
(22:12):
they happen 52 times a year. Sowe have to get past the day to
day. We have to look beyond theweek, and we have to kind of see
what what we want in our futureand do our best to work towards
it. The empowerment of havingthe it done.
Oh, the relief, the relief Iexperienced when I finally got
(22:33):
my documents done. And by theway, just getting the estate
planning documents is really notenough. You really have to make
sure that all of your assetsline up with the documents that
you've created, and we'll talkabout those things too. But the
point is that I got my documentsdone. The attorney I was working
with knew my situation andaccepted my small monthly
(22:55):
payments. So it took me a yearto pay off my estate plan, but
once I had it, man, driving onthe freeway was a whole
different experience. I Istopped thinking about what
happens to my kids if I don'tmake it home. I stopped thinking
about that. You know what thatmeans? I had room to start
thinking about other things. Imean, my life opened up with
(23:17):
such empowerment, with suchpossibility, because the worst
things that could happen. I hada plan for
that. So that's where thepodcast and the future podcasts
through real life stories. Andwe have lots of those. You have
lots of those. I do lots ofgreat guests, professionals,
(23:39):
people that have literally livedit candid conversations. We're
going to explore what it takesto build a future of clarity,
confidence and family harmony.And that last one, Family
Harmony, you and I havewitnessed way too much
dysfunctionality anddisintegration of family after
(24:00):
the fact. So that's I would likeyou to address where we're going
in this plan for this podcast.
Sure, sure. Listen. None of usare perfect. I don't even know
what normal is, and a lot of usare just wishing we could just
be quote, unquote normal. Andyou might think that your family
(24:21):
is really screwed up, and I gotnews for you, no family is
perfect. No communication isperfect, and mostly it's about
expectations and expectationsmanagement, right? We might
expect our mom to always bethere. No, she's not always
going to be there. That mommight expect her kids to just
take care of it, whatever it is,whenever it happens. They got a
(24:45):
busy life. They got kids oftheir own. They're trying to
build their business. They'remaybe they're in a divorce
process. Maybe they're in amarriage process. Maybe they
have a blended family. But wecan't just keep expecting other
people to be there for us. We.Have to ask them. We have to
talk to them about it. We haveto take the risk that they might
say, Oh, not me, because I can'tor I won't, or I don't want to,
(25:09):
and you have to respect the No.So I'm hoping that more family
harmony comes out of peopledoing this work, because they
took the risk. They wrote downwhat they wanted to have happen.
They talked to theirprofessionals, maybe they
presented to their family, maybethey don't. And we can talk
about all of those differentways of getting this done.
(25:32):
So the key takeaways, and we'lltake one at a time for the
podcast, navigate and we'veaddressed it a little. Navigate
family dynamics, siblingrivalry, jealousy and tough
conversations. That's
a tough one, right? I mean, wehave adult children, and we're
(25:54):
blessed. Our kids are great. Noteveryone has that. Some people
really struggle. They don'treally know what their kids are
up to or what they're doing.They wish they knew. Some people
talk with their kids all thetime, but they still don't
really know what's happening forthat person. And we have people
we love out there in the world.Maybe it's your parents you're
(26:15):
concerned about and you don'twant your sibling to be the one
with the keys to the car, thekeys to the house, the
checkbook, because they werebrutal to you when you were a
kid. Well, how do you how do youmake sure your parents don't
pick him or her to be thetrustee? Well, on the one hand,
it's kind of in your business.It's mom and dad's money. They
(26:36):
can do what they want. They canpick who they want. But what if
you got your own estate plandone, and you got to understand
what goes into that, and nowyou're able to go back to your
family and say, Hey, each one ofyou need to plan, and each each
one of us needs to be able torely on each other. Could we
(26:57):
talk about how that would work?
So that's an interestingjuxtaposition. I guess, if
that's the right phrase, you'veturned it around. Instead of
waiting for mom and dad to showyou their plan, you as the
child, show your plan to them.
Simon Sinek is a great teacherabout leadership, and he's got
some great lessons about this.He He wrote the book Start with
(27:20):
Why. And Simon basically hassaid, you can't wait to be CEO
to express your leadership.Leadership is about how you
treat the other people aroundyou. Well, if you're going to
take responsibility for yourlife, if you're going to get
your documents done, you'reexpressing leadership right
there. And I would argue thatreal leaders get their estate
(27:45):
plans done. Why? Because they'reconsiderate and thoughtful and
they gave some time and energyto their future. You want to be
a leader get your plan done. I
love that point, because bygetting your estate plan done,
you're reducing the burden onothers. So even from a selfish
(28:07):
perspective, I know you'rehelping yourself, and we want
you to help yourself, but reallythink of the ones around you who
are going to be in turmoil.
This is a great place to bringup that I see estate planning as
your oxygen mask. So Ron, you'vedone some traveling. What's the
rule about the oxygen mask in anairplane?
(28:28):
The child first, or yourselffirst? I'm sorry yourself first
before the child
Right, right? And by the way, alot of people put the child
first, right? They're helpless.They need my help, and so on.
But we're talking about losingoxygen in the cabin. So we're
talking about losing yourcapacity, aren't we, so the idea
is you have to put your own maskon first before you can help
(28:50):
another person. You have to stayhealthy, ready, mentally alert
to help someone else. Well,estate planning is the very same
thing. We have to put on our ownoxygen mask. We have to do our
own plan first, and then we canfocus on what happens to the
kids, what happens to ourparents? I would say that we
(29:12):
probably have a large number ofour listeners who are the ones
stuck doing everything. Theytake care of the parents, they
take care of the spouse. Theytake care of the children. They
take care of the house. No, nooffense meant to any men, but
mostly women. Do these jobs.Okay? And what happens to that
(29:33):
whole system that you are in themiddle of? What happens if
something happens to you? Sosisters, I'm asking you to put
your oxygen mask on and get thishard thing done with some help,
because
that a lot of them arecaregivers. Well, sure, and then
that role is really their healthdecline. And let's
(29:56):
talk about that too. It's verystressful you're dealing. With
visiting at a hospital, pickingup clothes, but I did it for my
dad. You know, my stepmom diedright before my eyes. You know,
I've had these life experiences.I understand how this goes, and
it's hard to think about becauseyou're so busy doing all these
(30:16):
other things. Can you thinkabout your grocery list and
think about your estate plan atthe same time? My first notes
about my estate plan were on myshopping and my to do list.
Okay, well, there you go. Thereyou put it on your There you go.
Right. Just start somewhere.Start somewhere. And if you're
most worried about what wouldhappen to that incapacitated
(30:37):
elder, then give it somethought. Who's going to do my
job? No one's going to do it aswell as well as you I'm sorry.
No one's going to work as hardas you do. No one's going to be
perfect at this. But somebodyneeds to know where to find the
list of medications. Somebodyneeds to know what doctor mom
has, you know, you know, butnobody else knows
(30:59):
passwords. Oh, well,
that's, that's a whole show.That's a whole show,
right? The Human Side of estateplanning, well, we're talking
about it, aren't we? That's kindof an overarching so gain
clarity and confidence in makinglegacy decisions through
education, through listening to
this podcast. Well, sure, I gotto start somewhere, and I really
(31:20):
want this to be a safe place forpeople to at least hear somebody
else's story, see what parts ofthe story Spark, your feelings,
your preferences. Because, guesswhat, we cannot predict the
future. I'm not telling youyou're going to fall and hit
your head. I'm telling yousomething's going to happen. So
because I can't predict exactlyhow and when. Oh, I'm going to
(31:44):
write down my preferences. IfThis Then That. What if this
happens, then what do I want?That's a tough thing. A lot of
us haven't thought about it. Soas you listen to me speak, as
you read what I write, as youread my newest book, as you you
know, visit us on questions,yeah, well, but also think about
(32:07):
it. If you feel something, ooh,I don't want that to happen or,
Oh, I think I like that. Writeit down. Put it somewhere. It's
so important. We have our phoneswith us all the time. Use notes.
Use some tool in your cellphone. Siri, you know, write
yourself a reminder. I loveusing a note taking app that I
(32:30):
have, because I can access itfrom my computer. I can ask
access it from any computer withmy password, right? So I have
basically a running list, andwhen my list gets long enough I
call up the attorney and say, Ithink I need to update my
documents, because I've hadthese other preferences come up
for myself.
And I think it's great if peoplewill listen to other stories of
(32:51):
their friends, because everybodyhas lived this through friends,
family members, and if theylisten to others, they'll come
up with, oh, I don't want thatto happen to me? What if and get
in touch with
us? Well, how is it true thateverybody needs a plan? How I
love what you say about thatRon, right? The
(33:11):
100% death rate? Yeah, there's100%
every family has a dead person,every every family, right? So if
you look at that and you say,Wow, that person did that really
well. I should do the same. Youneed an estate plan. If you look
at and go, Oh my god, they causesuch trouble. There are people
who never speak to each otheragain that you have some
preferences around that you needto get your estate plan done. So
(33:34):
I'm sorry you can't get away
from me. No, no, we're not. Sonow, when live asks, Did you
plan for this? You'll be ready,and that's summarizing what
we're all about.
Absolutely, absolutely I feel,because I have a written estate
plan, I don't have to predictthe future. I don't have to know
(33:54):
exactly what the crisis will be.I do want to keep my documents
up to date, because I changed mymind from time to time where I
learned something new, but atthe same time, if I never
changed it, at least everyonecan see my intention. They can
see my preferences, and they'lldo the best they can to take
care of me when the time comes.I want that for everyone,
(34:18):
and that's what we're going todo. Yes. Marguerite Lorenz, plan
for this please in a summarize,you are so passionate for this
and you are author, a speaker, alecturer in in summarize, your
hope for those listening to thispodcast,
(34:39):
I want you to have the kind ofpeace where new ideas come
freely. I want you to put yourarms around someone you love and
not just feel that love, butreally having done something
that protects yourself and thatperson, keep the love going as
long as possible, right beforeJane. Passed away. My stepmom,
(35:01):
my business partner of 14 years,the founder of our company,
Jane, what do you want the worldto know? I know you're on your
way off the planet. What do youwant people to know? And she
said, love as much as you can.And that's what I'm doing.
Life's
(35:22):
uncertainty. Money managementand legacy. Will you be ready
for life's decree?
A lot of us neglect what might happen after we're 50
or 60 or 70 or 80 years old. Wemight not be thinking of
ourselves as someone who willbecome vulnerable someday, and
life is going to keep askingthose really hard questions,
especially that one, did
you plan? Did you plan for this?Or did you miss when life
(00:23):
demands answers you can'tdismiss. Will you be ready when
the trumpet blows? Do you havethe blueprint for life's
unknowns?
Welcome to the show. Plan forthis? I'm Ron Greenwald, with my
(00:46):
incredible co host, MargueriteLorenz, will you be ready when
life asked? Did you plan forthis? What does that mean to
you?
Well, gosh, we all know life isfull of surprises, and sometimes
we wonder, Why me? And that'sreally life asking this big
question, right? Did you planfor this? And there's, there's a
(01:09):
lot of things that we plan for.We might think about the school
we want to attend or the personwe want to marry, and hopefully
we have some support and somelove to have those big,
important conversations aboutthose chapters of life. But a
lot of us neglect what mighthappen after we're 50 or 60 or
70 or 80 years old. We might notbe thinking of ourselves as
(01:31):
someone who will becomevulnerable someday, and life is
going to keep asking thosereally hard questions,
especially that one. Did youplan for this? So I want to
encourage people to look aroundtheir house, look around their
life. What do you think youmight be like as an 80 plus year
old? How mobile Do you thinkyou'll be? Are you planning for
(01:53):
being healthy and strong andable to ski? I mean, May
everyone get their ski for free,right? If you live long enough
and you stay mobile enough, youmight be able to have those
opportunities. So that's why weasked the question, did you plan
for this?
So being ready? What does thatmean to you? How would you
interpret that?
(02:14):
Well, personally, I made thedecision to move to a 55 plus
community. Not everyone's goingto decide that, but if you're
living in an apartment, ifyou're living in a condo, if you
take the stairs when you bringhome your groceries, good for
you, those are all great things.But again, you know, we're
trying to think about what readymeans, if you fell and hit your
(02:37):
head and suddenly, well, who'sgoing to feed the cat? Who's
going to make sure your car isparked on the correct side of
the street? Who's going to helpyou with these day to day living
things that you might not havespecifically planned for, but
hopefully you've planned to givesomeone authority, give somebody
(02:58):
a key, give somebody a way tohelp you if you're really in
trouble, and they should alsoknow that you're in trouble. So
being ready to me and being inthis phase means I've thought
about that a little bit. Whatwould my life look like if I
couldn't live it on my terms?
With your 20 plus years ofexperience, and you've talked to
(03:21):
1000s of people, you'vepresented the 1000s of people.
You're an author. What is theother common thread of why you
feel people do not plan?
Oh, it's terrifying. It's hardto think about what I might be
like when I'm different. And fora lot of people, I think that
just thinking about it, they go,Oh no, no, no, I don't want that
(03:42):
to happen. And you think just bythinking about it, that that
thing is going to happen. Maybeif you repeat it to yourself
often, and you keep setting yourintentions in that direction.
But what if you could set yourintentions in a different way?
What if you could actuallypicture what that might look
like. Stephen Covey is a greatteacher, and he taught the Seven
(04:05):
Habits of Highly SuccessfulPeople. And one of the things he
taught was about thinking fromthe end, well, I want you to
think about your last day on theplanet. Okay, I know, I know
terrifying, but, but we're safe.You're in a safe place. You're
listening to this you'rewatching us. Just think about it
for a minute. And how do youwant to look back on your life?
(04:28):
What do you think will make youfeel like you did it right, that
you're satisfied, that you feelsuccessful? What if we could
picture that and then startbuilding our life towards it so
we feel safe and comfortable formost of our life. We all know
stuff happens. We know there'ssurprises all the time. But for
(04:48):
me, personally, having thatestate plan done, knowing who
that person is, who wouldactually look after my stuff, my
funds, my kids, my life and soon. So. I'm not that afraid.
I've gotten rid of the fear, andthat's what I'm inviting people
to do by listening to us andbeing with us. Independent
(05:09):
trustee Alliance is a proudnonprofit sponsor of plan for
this if you are consideringserving as a trustee, please
visit trustee alliance.com tolearn more about this complex
and sometimes overwhelming job,Trustee alliance.com. Plan for
this. Thanks the estate salewarehouse for all their amazing
(05:29):
service and support. Entirehome, clean outs, inventory,
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more at estate salewarehouse.com.
So let's take the next line ofthe tile that you read, sure you
it says you your family, yourlegacy, the choices you make
(05:50):
today will shape your future.You got a little bit into that,
but let's dive deeper into thatlegacy. What does that mean?
Well, let me ask you a question.How do you want to be
remembered? Do you want to beremembered as somebody who just
kind of faked it until they madeit? Do you want to be remembered
as someone who was reallythoughtful and considerate and
(06:11):
put some things in order so itwouldn't be a mess for somebody
else if we just start in smallincrements, wherever we are in
life today, if we just take thisstep by step. Okay, I know
getting an estate plan feelslike a really big mountain to
climb. It's not really. You'rethe expert of your life. Your
(06:33):
legacy might just be having allyour bills paid. Your legacy
might be that work of art thatyou've been working on for last
few years, and it's not doneyet. Your legacy might be your
kids. So yes, every one of yourchoices does feed into your
future, and if you start now,you can possibly make decisions
(06:54):
that would give you a littlemore financial security when
you're older and you don't wantto work as much, that might make
sure that your kids go to schoolif you couldn't see them through
it yourself. There's a lot todecide. And I'm here because
I've seen a lot of people avoidit, avoid it, avoid it, and then
the crisis happens. And thenwhat happens? You have to go to
(07:16):
court to give somebodyauthority. The person themselves
don't even know what'shappening, but it has to be
done. It would have been so muchbetter if they had an estate
plan.
Well, within that line, it'syour family, and that seems to
be, is that the crux of all ofthis? I'm not going to talk talk
(07:37):
about it.
Well, it's very difficult tohave conversations with people
that you love when you don'tknow the answer for yourself. I
want you to feel safe. If youdon't feel safe talking to your
family, then talking toprofessionals might be the thing
for you. Some of us don't havefamily. Ron, I mean, some of us
don't have anyone we can trustor rely on. What do we do? Well,
(08:01):
you got to find somebody, andyou got to be proactive about
it, because I don't know whenthat thing is going to happen. I
use fallen hit your head a lot,because it's something we can
all relate to. But let me tellyou just a little story. So we
have a lady who's livedindependently her whole life.
She never married, she didn'twant to she had amazing career.
(08:22):
She loved her job, andeventually it was time to retire
from that job. So she's livingalone. She has friends, her
neighbors, they have dinneroccasionally. In fact, a couple
of other neighbors are alsosingle, and they have
Thanksgiving together. It'sbeautiful. She has built a
really nice life. She hasfriends at the library. She has
people that she meets with on aregular basis, but it happened
(08:44):
one day, her trash cans didn'tgo out. Her neighbor noticed
that her trash cans weren't out.What does the neighbor do? The
neighbor comes by and knocks onthe door. The car's in the
driveway, trash cans are notout. Nobody's answering the
door. What do you do next? Whatdoes anybody do next? Well, this
(09:04):
neighbor and my client hadtalked to each other. My client
and I had had this conversation.I said, You need to give your
neighbor some instructions. Whatif you can't answer the door? Do
you want her to call the sheriffand do a well check that would
be reasonable. Does she have akey to your house. How do you
want this to go? Right? So theymade a plan, and it turns out
(09:26):
the neighbor knocked. She wentto the back of the house,
through the backyard and knockedagain, because that's what they
had agreed. She saw her friendlying on the floor in the
kitchen. She went and went backto her house to go get the key,
came back and opened the doorand found that her friend was
alive, but unconscious. She wasable to call 911, so that set a
(09:51):
lot of things in motion. Herfriend, my client, never fully
recovered. Her capacity to livein the. Pendantly, but she I
knew because we had talked priorto this event. Her neighbor had
talked prior to the event, andher neighbor, it turns out, was
her agent for healthcare, and Ihad the other jobs, trustee,
(10:12):
executor and power of attorney.So we worked as a team, and we
made it so that person couldcontinue to live in her house,
but now she needed some care andshe needed more attention. So
that's what I mean by planningahead and the things we're
talking about. Okay,
so the universal need forplanning. Everyone lives in the
same uncertain world. Everyoneneeds an estate plan. Now.
(10:37):
Again, every state is different,sure, but still, everyone needs
a plan. Why?
Well, just in the example that Ishared, let's say there was no
plan for my client. She hadnothing in writing. Her neighbor
finds her on the floor in thekitchen. She never regains
(10:57):
capacity. So in many states, inevery state, there's a body of
law called the probate code.Probate is a procedure to either
move assets along or to protecta human being from themselves or
from being very vulnerable. Andso there's a body of law that
governs the things that we'retalking about. Each state in the
(11:18):
United States has its own lawsabout it. So because there's no
documents, there's no plan, I'mnot in the picture because
nobody named me in advance ofthe need. So this lady now found
on the floor in her home may goto the hospital, but who's going
to come get her from thehospital? Who's going to manage
(11:39):
her bills? Who's going to do?And I hear you thinking about
auto pay, or you've got yourbank paying your bills. That
only works because you'revigilant and you're looking at
how those bills are being paid.So just to round this up, if you
don't have a plan, what ends uphappening is that it's the
crisis that makes the decision.It's the hospital administrator
(12:00):
who figures out that no one'scoming, it's now, oh, well,
somebody has to go to court,somebody has to present to the
judge that this lady can nolonger manage her own affairs.
Maybe she's going to be under aguardianship in California, we
call it conservatorship, butthat's a terrible process, and
that also means that yourinability to manage for yourself
(12:22):
is public. It means thatsomebody has to go through your
house and figure out what you'vegot and how to pay the bills and
so on, somebody you've never metor talked to before, and if that
excites you, do nothing. Goahead. Do nothing. But honestly,
I can't live that way. I can'tlive not knowing what would
(12:43):
happen to me if I was in a caraccident or, you know, stepped
off the curb, or anything couldhappen.
Well, people, yeah, it's, Imean, it's not just so again,
then I think that leads rightinto the next it's not just for
the wealthy and elderly. Soprotect what matters most you
you've just described that youstep off the curb, you're in a
(13:07):
you're in a situation that whoknew that the plane would turn
flip over.
And we use those words wealthyand elderly on purpose, because
you know what? We each have adefinition for what that means,
elderly might be anybody who's10 years older than you. Okay,
so you're 20. Why do you need aplan? You don't have anything.
(13:31):
Well, you certainly do havesomething. You have you, you
have you, you have your future.You have your dreams. You know
you have maybe someone you careabout, maybe somebody cares
about you. So we have to examinethis. We have to look at it
occasionally and go, I have alife. What does that mean to me?
What is my life? And wealth issuch an immeasurable thing, you
(13:54):
know, if I have more than in thebank than it costs to pay my
bills, I'm ahead. Ben Franklinwould say, Hey, you're doing
great, right? But maybe I'mbehind. But even if I'm behind,
maybe I need some help. At somepoint, I have to learn how to
ask for help. An elderly.Listen, we all suffer from a
(14:15):
little ageism, and by the way,we all live a little bit longer
if we let some of that go. Okay,I have never been this healthy
before, this strong before. I'vealso never been this old before,
every day, every day, every day,I'm grateful, and I'm doing the
work. So I'm inviting everyoneto think about, what are your
(14:35):
definitions of wealth, what areyour definitions of elder? And I
want you to know that both ofthose things are in your future,
no matter who you are.
I'll share just before we go tothe next line. It's so adorable
when my my children or in their30s, go, Wow, dad, you were so
(14:56):
right 30 years or 10 years agoor 15 years. Years ago, I am
now, My children are now at apoint where they are starting to
get a little bit more cautiousin the things that they may do
or not do, and so it's just anevolution. And so everybody
needs that plan.
Yeah, I do appreciate being alittle smarter in the eyes of my
(15:16):
children, right? We all needlife experience. Look, nobody
becomes who they are without thetrials and tribulations we
experience. Okay? We all havetrouble. We all have things we
wish didn't happen. We all havethat, but now we have this power
to take some of those negativelessons, like I'm talking to the
(15:36):
5060 somethings right now, whenI say, did you like how your
sibling handled your mom'sestate? Are you going to do that
to your kids? Are you just goingto put it off and not think
about it if you've everinherited something, I want you
to think about that. Somebodythought about you when you
weren't in the room. Somebodywrote your name down. Somebody
(15:58):
thought about how this was goingto be delivered to you. Well,
yeah, pay it forward. Do thework. And I know it's hard. I
know it's hard. That's why I'mnot saying this lightly. I'm
here to help you,
that's what. So that reallythese if you want answers and
resources as life takes you onthe roller coaster. It's roller
(16:19):
coaster ride. Listen to thispodcast. Yeah, what do you want
people overall theme to be?
Well, I want you to visit ourwebsite. Plan for this.com I
want you to know that we'regoing to keep building a
resources page so you have someplace to kind of look. I want to
(16:39):
have toolkits available forpeople that give us their email
address. So maybe you don't knowhow to hire an attorney. Maybe
you've never done that before. Alot of us have never done that
before. Good for you that you'venever needed an attorney for
something. Okay, hard tobelieve. Yeah, they're they're
do it yourself, softwareprograms. I'm not selling those.
(17:00):
I'm not selling my services.Don't hire me to be your
trustee. That's okay, but yougot to think about who's going
to do that job. And I dorecommend that you talk with an
attorney, if you can, and I wantto give you tools to be able to
hire one. So that's just onefacet of the things that we're
talking about. As you canimagine, we're dealing with tax,
(17:22):
legal, financial, medicalthings. We want to talk about
quality of life. We want to talkabout some of those choices that
you have and the people you canrely on, and maybe even how to
be in relationships so that youhave real support. Because I got
to tell you, the scammers areout there. They're learning more
and more about us individuallyall the time. We share our
(17:44):
feelings, we share our hopes anddreams, and somebody might take
advantage. Let's protectourselves against that.
An interesting side is go whenyou if you have just go in for a
simple medical procedure at thedoctor's office at the hospital,
and they will ask you is, do youhave a power of an attorney? Do
(18:07):
you have an estate plan? Thisjust happened to me, and I said,
Well, of course, I of course. Ido. You know I do. And I just
was curious. I asked the thelate the nurse was prepping me
for this procedure. I go whatpercentage of people do not have
anybody named or any documents?I was floored. She said, nine
(18:32):
out of 10 have no plan. Have noplan. No person, no person. And
now My procedure was a procedurethat you do when you are over
50, so I'll let everybody readbetween those lines. Yeah,
that's fine. That's fine. So I'mgoing, this is an older crowd
coming in for this procedure,and I am asking at a very
(18:53):
prominent hospital in San DiegoCounty, green hospital, and I'm
asking the question, how manypeople have any documentation,
and the answer is, well, I'mmarried.
Oh, it's not enough. Kids, kids,it's just not enough to address
that. Okay? So, again,everyone's concerned about
(19:16):
liability. You go to thehospital and they're concerned
about their own liability. Theyhave paperwork for you to sign.
And in my case, I got anadvanced healthcare directive,
right? So my husband is listedas my agent. I've actually
empowered him. I've given himauthority to make a decision
(19:36):
about me. I must trust him alot, right to make a decision
about me if I can't participatein the conversation, and the
medical community is alwaysgoing to ask you first, but you
might not understand theconsequences of a certain
procedure. You might notunderstand their words, they
might not understand yours. Soyou got to have somebody, but
just to say it's my spouse, andhonestly, what? If you and your
(20:00):
spouse are not really gettingalong right now, what if you're
concerned that your coffee mighttaste funny sometime? You know,
I'm you know, we have to bepractical about this, and the
hospital is going to do what youwant. They're going to talk to
the person you select. But ifyou don't select one, we're back
to the court cycle we talkedabout before. We're back to the
fact that the hospital is notgoing to make those decisions.
(20:23):
They're going to put it off onsomeone with legal authority to
do so why? Because they haveshareholders, because it's a
business they're running. That'swhy, and it's not anybody's
fault. This is the system we'rein.
So we are here to unmask themystery of estate and life
planning, and I really use theword life planning, and that's
(20:45):
what I I'd like you to addressunmasking. What does that mean
to you?
I think we we use ourimaginations mostly for the
negative, and yet we're notusing our imaginations for
creating tools and empowerment.I think worry is the wrong use
(21:05):
of imagination. I was a singlemom. I had two little boys. They
were wonderful kids, and I wasreally all they had. Okay, what
happens to them? If somethinghappens to me? That was such a
big question for me, and I cameinto this work, and I got this
(21:26):
incredible education that mostpeople never even hear about.
You know, you're talking aboutnine out of 10 people getting a
procedure don't have anypaperwork. Well, there have been
studies done, and only about athird of American adults have
any kind of plan, and I wouldargue most of those plans are
not going to work. We'll talkabout that sometime, but those
(21:48):
studies have been done, and it'strue, very few of us actually
have been brave enough toutilize our imagination to ask
for help, to connect with someprofessionals, because we live
day to day. We live paycheck topaycheck. We live Friday to
Friday. Most people don't liveMonday to Monday, right? But I'm
gonna say to you, if you'recomplaining about Mondays, hey,
(22:12):
they happen 52 times a year. Sowe have to get past the day to
day. We have to look beyond theweek, and we have to kind of see
what what we want in our futureand do our best to work towards
it. The empowerment of havingthe it done.
Oh, the relief, the relief Iexperienced when I finally got
(22:33):
my documents done. And by theway, just getting the estate
planning documents is really notenough. You really have to make
sure that all of your assetsline up with the documents that
you've created, and we'll talkabout those things too. But the
point is that I got my documentsdone. The attorney I was working
with knew my situation andaccepted my small monthly
(22:55):
payments. So it took me a yearto pay off my estate plan, but
once I had it, man, driving onthe freeway was a whole
different experience. I Istopped thinking about what
happens to my kids if I don'tmake it home. I stopped thinking
about that. You know what thatmeans? I had room to start
thinking about other things. Imean, my life opened up with
(23:17):
such empowerment, with suchpossibility, because the worst
things that could happen. I hada plan for
that. So that's where thepodcast and the future podcasts
through real life stories. Andwe have lots of those. You have
lots of those. I do lots ofgreat guests, professionals,
(23:39):
people that have literally livedit candid conversations. We're
going to explore what it takesto build a future of clarity,
confidence and family harmony.And that last one, Family
Harmony, you and I havewitnessed way too much
dysfunctionality anddisintegration of family after
(24:00):
the fact. So that's I would likeyou to address where we're going
in this plan for this podcast.
Sure, sure. Listen. None of usare perfect. I don't even know
what normal is, and a lot of usare just wishing we could just
be quote, unquote normal. Andyou might think that your family
(24:21):
is really screwed up, and I gotnews for you, no family is
perfect. No communication isperfect, and mostly it's about
expectations and expectationsmanagement, right? We might
expect our mom to always bethere. No, she's not always
going to be there. That mommight expect her kids to just
take care of it, whatever it is,whenever it happens. They got a
(24:45):
busy life. They got kids oftheir own. They're trying to
build their business. They'remaybe they're in a divorce
process. Maybe they're in amarriage process. Maybe they
have a blended family. But wecan't just keep expecting other
people to be there for us. We.Have to ask them. We have to
talk to them about it. We haveto take the risk that they might
say, Oh, not me, because I can'tor I won't, or I don't want to,
(25:09):
and you have to respect the No.So I'm hoping that more family
harmony comes out of peopledoing this work, because they
took the risk. They wrote downwhat they wanted to have happen.
They talked to theirprofessionals, maybe they
presented to their family, maybethey don't. And we can talk
about all of those differentways of getting this done.
(25:32):
So the key takeaways, and we'lltake one at a time for the
podcast, navigate and we'veaddressed it a little. Navigate
family dynamics, siblingrivalry, jealousy and tough
conversations. That's
a tough one, right? I mean, wehave adult children, and we're
(25:54):
blessed. Our kids are great. Noteveryone has that. Some people
really struggle. They don'treally know what their kids are
up to or what they're doing.They wish they knew. Some people
talk with their kids all thetime, but they still don't
really know what's happening forthat person. And we have people
we love out there in the world.Maybe it's your parents you're
(26:15):
concerned about and you don'twant your sibling to be the one
with the keys to the car, thekeys to the house, the
checkbook, because they werebrutal to you when you were a
kid. Well, how do you how do youmake sure your parents don't
pick him or her to be thetrustee? Well, on the one hand,
it's kind of in your business.It's mom and dad's money. They
(26:36):
can do what they want. They canpick who they want. But what if
you got your own estate plandone, and you got to understand
what goes into that, and nowyou're able to go back to your
family and say, Hey, each one ofyou need to plan, and each each
one of us needs to be able torely on each other. Could we
(26:57):
talk about how that would work?
So that's an interestingjuxtaposition. I guess, if
that's the right phrase, you'veturned it around. Instead of
waiting for mom and dad to showyou their plan, you as the
child, show your plan to them.
Simon Sinek is a great teacherabout leadership, and he's got
some great lessons about this.He He wrote the book Start with
(27:20):
Why. And Simon basically hassaid, you can't wait to be CEO
to express your leadership.Leadership is about how you
treat the other people aroundyou. Well, if you're going to
take responsibility for yourlife, if you're going to get
your documents done, you'reexpressing leadership right
there. And I would argue thatreal leaders get their estate
(27:45):
plans done. Why? Because they'reconsiderate and thoughtful and
they gave some time and energyto their future. You want to be
a leader get your plan done. I
love that point, because bygetting your estate plan done,
you're reducing the burden onothers. So even from a selfish
(28:07):
perspective, I know you'rehelping yourself, and we want
you to help yourself, but reallythink of the ones around you who
are going to be in turmoil.
This is a great place to bringup that I see estate planning as
your oxygen mask. So Ron, you'vedone some traveling. What's the
rule about the oxygen mask in anairplane?
(28:28):
The child first, or yourselffirst? I'm sorry yourself first
before the child
Right, right? And by the way, alot of people put the child
first, right? They're helpless.They need my help, and so on.
But we're talking about losingoxygen in the cabin. So we're
talking about losing yourcapacity, aren't we, so the idea
is you have to put your own maskon first before you can help
(28:50):
another person. You have to stayhealthy, ready, mentally alert
to help someone else. Well,estate planning is the very same
thing. We have to put on our ownoxygen mask. We have to do our
own plan first, and then we canfocus on what happens to the
kids, what happens to ourparents? I would say that we
(29:12):
probably have a large number ofour listeners who are the ones
stuck doing everything. Theytake care of the parents, they
take care of the spouse. Theytake care of the children. They
take care of the house. No, nooffense meant to any men, but
mostly women. Do these jobs.Okay? And what happens to that
(29:33):
whole system that you are in themiddle of? What happens if
something happens to you? Sosisters, I'm asking you to put
your oxygen mask on and get thishard thing done with some help,
because
that a lot of them arecaregivers. Well, sure, and then
that role is really their healthdecline. And let's
(29:56):
talk about that too. It's verystressful you're dealing. With
visiting at a hospital, pickingup clothes, but I did it for my
dad. You know, my stepmom diedright before my eyes. You know,
I've had these life experiences.I understand how this goes, and
it's hard to think about becauseyou're so busy doing all these
(30:16):
other things. Can you thinkabout your grocery list and
think about your estate plan atthe same time? My first notes
about my estate plan were on myshopping and my to do list.
Okay, well, there you go. Thereyou put it on your There you go.
Right. Just start somewhere.Start somewhere. And if you're
most worried about what wouldhappen to that incapacitated
(30:37):
elder, then give it somethought. Who's going to do my
job? No one's going to do it aswell as well as you I'm sorry.
No one's going to work as hardas you do. No one's going to be
perfect at this. But somebodyneeds to know where to find the
list of medications. Somebodyneeds to know what doctor mom
has, you know, you know, butnobody else knows
(30:59):
passwords. Oh, well,
that's, that's a whole show.That's a whole show,
right? The Human Side of estateplanning, well, we're talking
about it, aren't we? That's kindof an overarching so gain
clarity and confidence in makinglegacy decisions through
education, through listening to
this podcast. Well, sure, I gotto start somewhere, and I really
(31:20):
want this to be a safe place forpeople to at least hear somebody
else's story, see what parts ofthe story Spark, your feelings,
your preferences. Because, guesswhat, we cannot predict the
future. I'm not telling youyou're going to fall and hit
your head. I'm telling yousomething's going to happen. So
because I can't predict exactlyhow and when. Oh, I'm going to
(31:44):
write down my preferences. IfThis Then That. What if this
happens, then what do I want?That's a tough thing. A lot of
us haven't thought about it. Soas you listen to me speak, as
you read what I write, as youread my newest book, as you you
know, visit us on questions,yeah, well, but also think about
(32:07):
it. If you feel something, ooh,I don't want that to happen or,
Oh, I think I like that. Writeit down. Put it somewhere. It's
so important. We have our phoneswith us all the time. Use notes.
Use some tool in your cellphone. Siri, you know, write
yourself a reminder. I loveusing a note taking app that I
(32:30):
have, because I can access itfrom my computer. I can ask
access it from any computer withmy password, right? So I have
basically a running list, andwhen my list gets long enough I
call up the attorney and say, Ithink I need to update my
documents, because I've hadthese other preferences come up
for myself.
And I think it's great if peoplewill listen to other stories of
(32:51):
their friends, because everybodyhas lived this through friends,
family members, and if theylisten to others, they'll come
up with, oh, I don't want thatto happen to me? What if and get
in touch with
us? Well, how is it true thateverybody needs a plan? How I
love what you say about thatRon, right? The
(33:11):
100% death rate? Yeah, there's100%
every family has a dead person,every every family, right? So if
you look at that and you say,Wow, that person did that really
well. I should do the same. Youneed an estate plan. If you look
at and go, Oh my god, they causesuch trouble. There are people
who never speak to each otheragain that you have some
preferences around that you needto get your estate plan done. So
(33:34):
I'm sorry you can't get away
from me. No, no, we're not. Sonow, when live asks, Did you
plan for this? You'll be ready,and that's summarizing what
we're all about.
Absolutely, absolutely I feel,because I have a written estate
plan, I don't have to predictthe future. I don't have to know
(33:54):
exactly what the crisis will be.I do want to keep my documents
up to date, because I changed mymind from time to time where I
learned something new, but atthe same time, if I never
changed it, at least everyonecan see my intention. They can
see my preferences, and they'lldo the best they can to take
care of me when the time comes.I want that for everyone,
(34:18):
and that's what we're going todo. Yes. Marguerite Lorenz, plan
for this please in a summarize,you are so passionate for this
and you are author, a speaker, alecturer in in summarize, your
hope for those listening to thispodcast,
(34:39):
I want you to have the kind ofpeace where new ideas come
freely. I want you to put yourarms around someone you love and
not just feel that love, butreally having done something
that protects yourself and thatperson, keep the love going as
long as possible, right beforeJane. Passed away. My stepmom,
(35:01):
my business partner of 14 years,the founder of our company,
Jane, what do you want the worldto know? I know you're on your
way off the planet. What do youwant people to know? And she
said, love as much as you can.And that's what I'm doing.
Life's
(35:22):
uncertainty. Money managementand legacy. Will you be ready
for life's decree?
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