Walking Through Self-Doubt

In this episode of Planet Phoenix, I share my personal journey of navigating self-doubt while starting a new job as a dog walker. I reflect on the emotional challenges that I faced, the importance of embracing fear, and the practices I utilized to build my self-confidence. Through self-reflection and meditation, I explore the deeper meanings behind my fears and how they guide me towards personal growth and healing.

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https://www.planetphoenix.co/post/walking-through-self-doubt 

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome back to Planet Phoenix.
I'm your host, Matt, and I'm grateful that you could join me here today.
For this episode, I'm going to share my blog post titled, Walking Through Self-Doubt,which was originally published on June 14th of this year.
Walking Through Self-Doubt.
In the month of May, I received a new job.
It has provided me the gift of rebuilding my financial life and opened me to welcome newopportunities for growth.

(00:23):
This material relief has come at the perfect time so that I can not only continue to focuson my creative passions, but so I can address other aspects of my unconscious that require
attention.
This includes the fear I'm still holding onto due to my self-doubt.
Self-doubt is one of my strongest emotional wounds.
It has created a belief system within myself that I'm simply not good enough or skilledenough to take on new or additional responsibilities with confidence.

(00:49):
In the last few weeks, I have experienced events with my new job that felt like athunderbolt was thrown from the heavens straight into my very being.
What was the intention of this metaphorical thunderbolt?
It was an emotional force of nature which assisted me as I continued walking through myself-doubt.
With that said, my new job is dog walking.
It's a great opportunity to continue my path of working with animals and I also get tospend the majority of the day in nature.

(01:13):
It's a fast-paced job that requires a high level of attention to detail and thewillingness to take on constructive feedback directly from clients.
During my first week of dog walking, I felt good.
I liked how dynamic the schedule was.
I also enjoyed that I could walk dogs and interact with new people throughout my day.
However, by the second week, I was struggling across almost all aspects of the job.

(01:35):
The struggle led to poor decision-making.
The poor decision-making led to arriving late or too early to multiple appointments.
My lack of time management led me to doubt myself greatly, which resulted in more mistakesmanifesting in my external world.
On one particular day, I was falling behind again.
Instead of stopping, feeling, thinking, and acting, I was only reacting.

(01:58):
This form of reaction ultimately led to two clients complaining about my performance inthe same day.
I followed up with my boss and owned the mistakes that I made.
In our discussion, my boss explained that due diligence was required in order tosuccessfully take on this job, that each dog should be treated as my own, that if I have
challenges with the schedule, to alert her the night before so it can be smoothed outbefore the next day begins.

(02:21):
The constructive feedback of due diligence was the thunderbolt that struck me at a deeperlevel of my unconscious.
The day after these discussions, I was afraid at of visceral level.
I did briefly think that I would lose my job.
However, my concern for material survival was not the primary objective of the deep senseof fear that I was feeling.
The primary objective of the fear was to help me address my self-doubt.

(02:43):
The next day I had off from work.
Originally I had planned to work on a number of tasks regarding my website, podcast, andblog.
However, I decided to put all of it on hold.
I wasn't in the right headspace to complete these tasks.
I just needed to be with my fear for the day because it was not only providing meguidance, but also beginning to purge out of my energetic system.

(03:04):
As the weekend passed, I went back to work and so did my fear.
It hung on me like a cold wet blanket that set up permanent residence on my back.
I was so uncomfortable throughout my work day.
My confidence was in shambles.
As the week continued, I suppressed the fears that I could focus on my job.
It's an old mental and emotional conditioning of my beingness that I'm unconsciouslycomfortable with in times of heightened fear.

(03:27):
However, my higher self and guides gently reminded me during and after meditation that Ineeded to embrace my emotions, not reject them, especially the emotions that I would label
as bad.
With this understanding, I had to come back to the thunderbolt of due diligence and askmyself some questions.
For example, why am I receiving this feedback at this point in my life?

(03:48):
What is my fear trying to tell me?
What is the source of my fear?
Why do I fear being diligent?
These questions would serve as entry points for my inner self investigation.
I came to realize that my fear of being diligent was because I did not have theself-confidence in myself or my skills.
At times throughout my life, when new or additional responsibilities are available to me,I have found a great deal of internal resistance which manifests as physical, mental, and

(04:14):
emotional stress and or anxiety.
I then unconsciously convinced myself that my internal resistance is preventing me fromwanting to step outside of my comfort zone, or what I would also like to call my illusion
of safety.
Although this realization wasn't a revelation to me, it allowed me to understand mycurrent experience in a couple of ways.
First, I had to embrace this depth of fear just as the emotion itself, not with attachingstories or thought patterns to it.

(04:41):
If I attach stories or thought patterns to this fear, I would only create an internalcycle that would stunt the healing process.
Second, I was experiencing this depth of fear at this time in my life because this is themoment when I'm ready to integrate and release my self doubt.
By integrating and releasing my self doubt, I will open my heart to new opportunities andabundance of all kinds.

(05:32):
Through meditation, my inner self-investigation started to bring me a great deal of peaceduring my work week.
I felt my fear starting to diminish.
I felt my self-confidence reminding me of what I've accomplished in my life, what I'mcapable of, and that I'm exactly where I need to be and that I'm not alone.
As a result of this, I took on a few practices during my work week to ensure the momentumof healing would continue to amplify in a steady manner.
I recited affirmations including,
I invite and welcome abundance of self-acceptance, self-confidence, self-worth, andself-love into my heart.
I surrender and release self-doubt from my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritualbodies of my human beingness.
I am good enough.
I am skilled enough.

(05:58):
I also took time to breathe deeply in and breathe deeply out as soon as I felt any fearstarting to creep into my mind.
During some of the dog walks, I would be breathing deeply for up to 30 minutes.
Additionally, I took the time each evening to map out my walks for the next day.
If I ran into any scheduling conflicts, I followed up with management to help me sort itout to ensure I arrived on time for each of the clients.
I took the time to embrace being diligent.

(06:20):
In a way, I feel that I'm reconditioning my beingness to align with the capability of mytrue self.
By doing so, I feel more willing to step out of my comfort zone again.
The rocky start to my current job is challenging, but universally aligned to further mealong my path of life.
Meditation, Creativity, Nature, and Vulnerability.
These are the fundamentals that are becoming a part of my being as I continue torecondition myself throughout my experience of life.
The end of May was challenging, but equally rewarding.

(06:42):
I am looking forward to experiencing what June has to offer.
That concludes this episode of Planet Phoenix.
I will provide a link to this blog post within the description of this episode in case youwould like to access it in the future.
Also, you can go to planetphoenix.co/blog to view all the posts I currently have availableon my website.
Thank you for your time and please enjoy your present moment.