July 25, 2024 • 54 mins
Sydney shares about the challenges and triumphs faced by the pioneers who laid the foundation for NA in California and across the United States.
Explore the significant milestones, from the inception of NA meetings in California to the establishment of the first World Convention and the development of crucial literature that shaped the fellowship. Learn about the dedication and passion of individuals who worked tirelessly to ensure the survival and growth of NA, often using their resources and homes to support newcomers in recovery.
This episode also touches on the spiritual principles of forgiveness and living by the traditions that have guided NA through its journey. A heartfelt tribute is paid to the visionaries and dedicated members who have contributed to the fellowship's success.
Don't miss this compelling narrative that highlights the resilience, commitment, and unity of the NA community, offering hope and inspiration to addicts seeking recovery.
Narcotics Anonymous is not affiliated with the PosCom Talks Prevention Science podcast. However, the message shared by Sydney is evidence that any addict can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use drugs, and find a new way to live.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And so that you have some perspective of that.
I came into the program September the 8th, 1975, and there were two meetings in all of Bay City.
We didn't even have a Bay City's area, in fact. There was Northern California
and Southern California.
I had no idea that not only were there no meetings in the ballot,
(00:24):
I had no idea that that's where Narcotics Anonymous started in California.
I mean, I could barely, my first year, I never went to my first year convention in 1976.
I was so wasted, clean I was wasted, that they let me stay home and open up
the Saturday night meeting.
Well, everyone went off to the convention that year.
(00:47):
And I loved that. That was fine.
I had my first Boncee asked me to sponsor. I had 14 months cleaned.
And this is what it was like. Like, we had to go to AA meetings because up here
in the west side, that is now west side, and bay cities,
that is bay cities, the first and only meeting that they had that I went to
(01:09):
was Redondo Beach meeting.
And then there was this one in Westchester, which they told me months and months
later that even existed. I didn't even know it existed.
Other than that, all of us went to AA meetings, but all the addicts went together,
and we knew that this was our meeting.
And when I had six months clean, Bobby came home from a convention,
(01:31):
and he said to me, he said, you know, I am only going to go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings.
It scared me to death. I said, what are we going to do?
We don't have any. So this sponsor started meetings by Redondo Beach, which is now Bay City.
And Bobby and I started meetings here in Santa Monica, Venice,
(01:55):
all the area west side over here.
That was the beginning. That was what it was like when I came in.
And let's go back to the very early history of which, believe it or not,
I just realized I was born around that time.
At that time. I'm going to take you back to the mid-1920s.
(02:18):
I'm going to read the next few pages. I want you to know that my sponsee typed
this for me. You know I'm getting old.
You know my eyesight is going. But this does help.
In the mid-20s, I'm going to read these next few pages and then I will talk
(02:39):
with you and be able to share with you just what happened early in our history.
Addicts were admitted to the United States Public Health Service Hospitals,
but effective treatment for addicts still had not been found.
The government thought the problem was so important that in 1929,
Congress authorized funds for the development of two heroin treatment programs.
(03:04):
One of the programs was started in 1935 at the U.S.
Public Hospital in Lexington, Kentucky, and the other in 1938 at the U.S.
Public Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas.
The programs were run as psychiatric hospitals. Between 1935 and 1964,
(03:28):
more than 87,000 addicts were treated at both Lexington and Fort Worth hospitals.
Over time, the health service reported success with some of the patients using
therapy, reduced drugs, and reduced dosages, I should say, and substitute drugs.
Sometimes, restraints were used during detox. They did this to me when I was
(03:52):
detoxing. It's all the same thing.
But no treatment could be found that helped add it with any consistency.
As you all know, in 1935, Alcoholics Anonymous was founded. it.
Then in 1944, an alcoholic named Houston S.
Got into AA and started helping others get into recovery.
(04:14):
One of the men he helped was Harry, who was able to stop drinking,
but could not stop using drugs. We all know that.
Harry was arrested for possession of drugs and sent to the Lexington Hospital.
In 1947, Houston was sent to Kentucky by the company he worked for.
(04:34):
He kept thinking about Harry's problem, how Harry could stop using drugs.
Houston wondered to himself, why couldn't the 12 steps of A.A.
What a concept. So Houston called Dr.
Bogle, who was then a medical officer at the Lexington Hospital,
(04:59):
and offered to start a 12-step group in the hospital.
On February 16, 1947, the first meeting was held.
They called the group, Alex Anons. Houston attended meetings every week until 1963.
Harry, who had been going in and out of hospital, started going to these meetings himself.
(05:22):
And this time, it worked. The New York City man named Danny,
C., who had been in and out of hospitals and prisons, came to Lexington.
And after eight returns to the hospital for treatment, he made his final return
and started going to meetings there.
He brought the first known meeting back to New York City in 1949.
(05:45):
An article in the New York Times dated June 18, 1950, says, quote.
The New York City chapter of Narcotics Anonymous was started five months ago
by a discharged patient from the U.S.
Public Health Service Hospital in Lexington.
(06:06):
Like other methods, he is known only by his first name, Dammit, end of the quote.
The first meetings were held at the House of Detentions in Manhattan,
and then later at Presbyterian Labor Temple on East 14th Street,
and the YMCA Center on 23rd Street.
Meetings were held at the YMCA for 12 years.
(06:28):
But in the 1960s, meetings disappeared in New York because of what was called
the Bruckner Fellow Law,
which banned addicts, even clean addicts, from congregating and associating
with each other under penalty of arrest.
And they wouldn't come back to New York until years later after the law was repealed.
(06:50):
All the way across the country in California, in the early 1950s,
there were at least seven separate attempts to start a group or some kind of
program for addicts in the Los Angeles area.
Some addicts, like Jimmy Kaye, who got free and Alcoholics Anonymous in February of 1950,
(07:12):
were just not comfortable in AA meetings, as they were mostly unwelcome to speak
about any drug other than alcohol. Isn't that sad?
I don't know.
We're not comfortable in AA. I've got to watch my hands.
(07:32):
And they were mostly unwelcome to speak about any drug other than alcohol.
Thank you. Finally, in 1953, the addict started NA in California.
At first, it was called the San Fernando Valley AA and NA Movement.
But one of the founders, Jimmy K, did not approve of calling it AANA.
(07:55):
The group drew up its own bylaws and how this new fellowship would function
differently from Alcoholics Anonymous.
From the very beginning, the 12 steps included the words powerless over our addiction.
Jimmy saw to that. Not any particular substance. steps, and all the steps and
(08:16):
traditions were changed to start with the word we.
In September of 1953, the new group received a response from the General Service
Office of Alcoholics Anonymous, giving them permission to use the steps and traditions,
but telling us that the AA name could no longer be used, so the name was changed
(08:37):
eventually in Narcotics Anonymous, soon after to Narcotics Anonymous.
October 5th, 1953 in North Hollywood was the first meeting of a newly formed
fellowship called Narcotics Anonymous.
In 1959, for a period of time, N.A. disappeared, as it did in New York,
due to the personalities and the failure to follow the traditions.
(09:00):
But then it came back, and in 1962...
The first Little White Book was published, laying out the program without any personal stories.
In 1964, the Board of Trustees was formed for the purpose of ensuring that N.A. doesn't die again.
(09:27):
In 1965, N.A. was started in Northern California.
In 1966, the second Little White Book came out, including the personal story.
In 1968, Jimmy K. designed the N.A. symbol while he was in the hospital fighting tuberculosis.
In 1970, there were 20 meetings worldwide.
(09:49):
N.A.'s growth was very slow at that time, with most addicts around the world
still having no hope for recovery from our disease.
There were very few places in California starting meetings. Most meetings were
isolated, but there was nowhere else for addicts to go.
Only a very few fortunate addicts found other addicts willing and able to take
(10:13):
them into their homes where they could pick, throw.
And I have to tell you, in the mid-70s, when I came in, and very shortly thereafter.
In our home, Bobby and I, we had a room in our home that we called a recovery room.
And for For eight years, we had, approximately eight years, we had addicts coming
(10:34):
in either off of the streets or from the meetings or wherever it was so they could kick in our home.
Let me tell you, I will never forget the time when Bobby got a call from this
man from Alcoholics Anonymous who had 44 years sober at the time.
And he said you know i found this
(10:54):
woman who was lying on the floor and we
thought she was drunk she just passed out that she had been drinking she told
us she was drinking he said we could have taken care of that but we went to
pick her up there was a needle hanging out of her arm he said we didn't know
what to do so we called narcotics anonymous help we called it fat at that time, the hotline.
(11:17):
We called the Narcotics Anonymous hotline.
And without my knowing it, two men come with this little woman who was hanging
on to both their arms into the house when I walked in.
And Bobby said, surprise. No, he didn't.
He said, these men brought this woman, honey, and packed a hot book.
(11:40):
And God bless this man, this 44-year sober who had the courage to say, we couldn't.
(12:02):
She was in the house for three days, and for 24 hours, she was talking.
And if I wanted to go to John, Sidney, don't leave me.
No matter what, don't leave me.
In one day, I was so exhausted.
I called up my sponsees, who were very new at that time, and came over to the
(12:24):
house and we were taking turns, taking her into the shower, going to the shower with her.
This is how we detoxed. We didn't know it then that you weren't supposed to
put a towel in someone's mouth when they started convulsing.
Today, they don't let you do that. But then we didn't know anything.
We thought, this is what you do. You take the towel and put it.
And she started convulsing over and over again.
(12:46):
Finally, when we called the paramedics, they had no hospital to take her to. They were filled.
They were filled with the emergency hospital, so they just couldn't take her. She had no money.
So we kept her the whole weekend. And this is what all addicts,
most addicts, were doing at that time.
They came into our homes, and they detoxed there, and most of them were able
(13:10):
to stay in meetings, and that's what happened there.
I only have two more pages to go. 1971, the very first World Convention,
WCNA1, was held at the La Mirada Country Club in Southern California.
THE COST OF REGISTRATION WAS $5, WITH AN ADDITIONAL $5 FOR THE BANQUET.
(13:32):
GONE ARE THOSE DAYS. JIMMY K. SPOKE ON THE HISTORY OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS.
JIMMY HAD BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL.
(13:54):
Office moved into its first location on Crenshaw Boulevard in Los Angeles.
There were now 70 meetings worldwide.
Also that year, the WCNA II was held in North Hollywood.
150 addicts attended, hearing Jimmy Case on Saturday night and Pepe A.
(14:15):
Sunday morning. In 1973, the Third World Convention was held in San Jose.
400 addicts were attended.
That year, NA celebrated its 20th anniversary.
There were only two so-called areas, if you want to call them areas,
in California at the time.
(14:35):
It was just Southern California and Northern California.
Southern California alone had 32 meetings. Northern California had 13 meetings.
And there were another 20 meetings outside California.
At this time, the San Fernando Valley decided to go off on their own and start their own area.
The San Fernando Valley Area Service Committee was born in 1974.
(15:05):
Well, what happened? Well, in 1974, the WSO moved to Highland Avenue in Hollywood.
The following year, 1975, the World Service Office moved to a suicide prevention center.
I was an e-commer when I went there to my first meeting. It was so depressing.
I cannot tell you. We shortly moved out of there, and that's Sun Valley.
(15:29):
And then in 1983, around 1983, we moved to Wyandotte. And I want to tell you about that.
Soon after we moved in, it was just all completely open. There were no offices in there.
We needed painting, we needed a lot of work. And I said, how big it is.
(16:17):
With the Maine World Service Office signing.
And I said, oh my God, that feeling's still there in me when I talk about it.
And today, of course, we all know it's in Northridge. That year,
the N.A. Service Tree was approved.
The Service Tree was written by Greg P., who is very important in our early history, still is.
(16:39):
I think he lives somewhere in Florida, but I'm not certain of that.
And it's still clean, served as a trustee, left
the service commitment and came back in 1986 as
a trustee again that's the end of what i'm
going to read out of i do have notes and i was hoping to do this without having
to read it without having notes i just can't i'm the worst when it comes to
(17:02):
remembering dates so what i'm going to do from now on instead of taking the
risk and the chance of putting the date down i'm going to just say early
60s or 70s or early 80s, middle 80s, later 80s, early 90s, whatever it is.
I just can't be concerned about that.
So I'd like to really talk about how it was when we first started getting it
(17:26):
to service and how different it was then.
What happened really at this time, of course, we know that we had a drug use explosion.
The 60s and the 70s was a counterculture. It was a psychedelic revolution.
The Vietnams produced junkies. Let us forget that. I remember that so clearly. Drug use became open.
(17:50):
Children were watching their parents and what they were doing,
how cool they were using drugs.
Of course, that came down to the children eventually.
I had gone to my first World Service conference, I think it was in the early
1980s, And I remember walking in.
(18:11):
I still remember some of the addicts who were there.
And they had these little flags going up and down like this.
Every time they voted, up went the flag and came down.
Sometimes they'd just go crazy, didn't know what was happening.
Fist fights were about to begin, they said, we'll take it outside.
I said, this is insane. I will never come to another conference again.
(18:35):
Let me tell you what that taught me. Never to say never.
Because after that, when I became a trustee, and even before that,
I was there at every conference thereafter.
(19:24):
At our home, when I had 10 months clean, how to start an area,
how to take from the group to the area, from the area to the regions to the
world. We started studying that.
Okay, so here he is holding up this book in one hand and reading from the letter.
He says, these addicts are coming in from out of town somewhere,
(19:44):
and this book here, they're calling it the grave book.
They want input from addicts in California because they're going to hold a world
literature committee before they have the conference and he said some mistake
he's about to throw it away and I piped up this is so exciting I didn't know there were addicts.
(20:07):
Anywhere outside of California I really didn't know they existed I mean you
have to understand I was interested in getting some kind of recovery I want
you to know No, a disdainment. I had no idea.
I had to work hard on knowing what was happening in my recovery.
I had no idea about conferences or conventions.
(20:29):
I had no idea because I went to the second one since I'd been clean at the Jack
Tar in San Francisco, where you would find Bo, who had come in from Georgia also at that time.
And Bo had been asking around and saying, has anyone started a big book about Narcotics Anonymous?
He couldn't find any answer. No one could answer him.
(20:53):
So what happened was he went to Jimmy. He found Jimmy. He said,
has anyone started any book about Narcotics Anonymous?
No one apparently had started anything about Narcotics Anonymous.
So here he was with this great book in his hand and this letter and is about to throw it away.
I said, you can't throw it away. We have to have it.
(21:15):
So we don't care what happens to other addicts. I said, what are you talking
about? Of course we care what happens to addicts anywhere.
They're addicts. We're all the same.
He said, Sidney, you're so enthusiastic.
(21:56):
And we were writing in book, and we would meet every week. In the interim,
let me tell you what happened.
When Bo, which was in 1977, when we had the convention at the Jack Tar in San
Francisco, Bo was asking all these questions.
When I saw the gray book for the first time, I think it was either 1980 or 1981. I'm not quite certain.
(22:19):
So between that time, he said, we have to have a book. And what he did was he
went back to Georgia, got a small committee together.
From there, they worked on the book using the white booklet as a topic for each chapter.
All of our things start with that in our basic text.
(22:44):
Then he went all over. Wherever there was going to be a conference, Bo went.
And he welcomed everyone. Any addict that wants to be a part of the World Literature
Committee can be a part of World Literature Committee.
And the addicts came from everywhere.
He went to Kansas. He went to North Dakota. He went to Tennessee.
(23:09):
He went to all these places. And each time he went, more addicts would join. They had no money.
They asked for money everywhere they went. addicts gave money that they had
themselves one addict even went out to the Red Cross and sold his rug so that
he could take the money and give it to the World Red Committee.
(23:47):
And when Bo came to the conference that we were going to have then in the Los
Angeles Valley College, he walked into a small room.
I have no idea where we were. We were in a very small room.
We were working on the grade book. And he walks in with around half a dozen
(24:08):
addicts from out of state.
And he said, my God, I cannot believe that you're working on the grade book.
And that was the beginning. That was the first time I met Faux.
And we had worked together after that in world literature for nine years.
One of those years I was trusting.
(24:29):
In 19... I want to go before 1983.
I want to take you to Warren, Ohio, where we went to after the literature committee
came to Santa Monica that year.
They asked me to come to Warren, Ohio.
Now, you have to understand, none of us had any money. Everything that we did, we paid for ourselves.
(24:53):
Now, to have a world-lit meeting, you had to have papers, you had to have typewriters,
you had to have copy machines, you name it.
You had to have money to eat, you had to have money for the plane,
money where to stay at. It was absolutely incredible.
And we did this. These addicts did it. They did it.
(25:15):
They were the ones that for those previous two years had been everywhere doing
this to get a book for Narcotics Anonymous.
I get to Warren, Ohio, and I said, I don't even have the address.
They tell me it's an old schoolhouse that was donated to us.
I get to Warren, Ohio. I said, is there a cat? Maybe he He knows where an old schoolhouse is.
(25:40):
No cats. Fortunately, one of Bobby's sponsees was there.
And he met me. Bobby must have told him when I was arriving, he met me at the airport.
When we go to this place, it's an old schoolhouse.
There must have been around 50 addicts there, all of them working on the basic techs.
(26:02):
And I said, well, where do we sleep?
He said, we have one room upstairs, the auditorium. We have mattresses all over the place.
I said, where's the gym? Then we have one shower.
I said, take me to a motel. They take me to this motel. You wouldn't believe this.
It was so seedy, this hotel, that when the addicts came to pick me up every
(26:26):
morning to take me back to the school, they wouldn't even come into the place. Yeah.
The walls were caving in. The floor was sinking. You know, the kind of motel
it is. I don't have to tell you. This woman is trying to understand.
What am I doing? I'm there. The men are picking me up. Instead of coming in,
they're all taking me out.
(26:47):
The truth. She said, you worked hard today, dearie.
But I worked very hard. Let me tell you how we worked. We worked for 20 hours a day.
We had a newcomer who did the cooking for us.
We had others who were doing the copy work for us. It was unbelievable.
(27:09):
Now, they're trying to get me to cut and paste.
Now, I'm screaming, I don't want to cut and paste. I said, look at this beautiful
writing that addicts have sent in, and you want to cut and paste it,
cut it up, and put it away.
That's how we'll do it. And Bo very patiently was explaining to me this,
this, and this. So what I did, I took my committee into the room,
(27:29):
took the key, locked the door, and wouldn't let anyone in or out.
And we got the fourth step done, took basic tests. And everyone there was working very, very hard.
It was an unbelievable experience to see what these addicts did.
Let me tell you what was there.
There was a passion for this work that you cannot find anywhere else.
(27:52):
I have never experienced all the years of world service. I never experienced
a passion like that. It was incredible.
We did it because we were so excited. There was an explosion of growth of addicts
coming into Narcotics Anonymous.
We needed something. We needed a book.
(28:12):
And we knew it. There was such a passion about doing this.
And we worked 18 to 20 hours a day. It didn't matter what.
If I came in late in the morning, you'd see all the heads going,
You know, and I'm not good at guilt.
I don't like it. So I've got even less sleep than three or four hours a day.
(28:32):
Unless we get one morning, it was five o'clock in the morning.
And the next morning, what we had was every morning we had what we called a
group conscious meeting.
And every evening we had a group conscious meeting where we went over everything that was done.
In the morning, what was done the night before. And the evening,
what was done all that day.
And that morning, I knew we were going to have to come with whatever we did
(28:55):
and bring it into this group conscience.
Well, we did that. And at 5 o'clock in the morning, we had this little newcomer,
Bobby, I'm sure, remembers him.
He stole something to sell to me, so I'll never forget it.
And he, we were just ready to, our heads were ready to split. Right.
(29:16):
And I said, we've got to get this copied. This is the last thing that needs
to be copied. Go copy it on the copier.
He looked at me and he says, what do you think I am, a slave?
He was like around five feet tall.
I picked him up by the neck, put him up against the wall.
I said, you see these artists? Billy Z was in a wheelchair there who had been
(29:39):
hurting so badly, so badly.
Never complained, sitting there and working. game.
And I turned around and looked at him and my heart just went out,
you know, and I looked at him and I said, you see, these addicts here,
all of us are working so that we could have a book for the addicts that come in.
He said, you owe them an amends. And I have never said that to anyone before
(30:02):
or since then, telling someone what they owe somebody else, you know, and he apologized.
He never got to bed that night because we got the work done at seven and eight
o'clock in the morning, the meeting started, the group conscious meeting started,
and there we were doing it. And that was for Ohio.
In 1983, the World Service Conference of 1983 really changed the way NA operated.
(30:30):
That was the first time that the trustees were ever nominated by the conference, by the IRS.
It was the actually Actually, also the first day of the conference lasted 18 hours.
It ended almost at 2 a.m. in the morning and started again at 8.30 in the morning.
(30:52):
That is how we work. World Service is worked that way. And you still have meetings
and days where you may have that.
Then it was all the time. It was just something that we did.
We didn't know. You know, I was nominated for a trustee. I didn't know what I was supposed to do.
I mean, for three months after being nominated, I had no idea.
(31:12):
I never got a call from anyone.
I finally get a call from Dutch H., from back east. And he said, and we had just met.
And he said, Sidney, he said, do you know what we're supposed to do?
I said, I don't have the slightest idea. Thank God, you know,
there were addicts there who were there with a lot of time clean.
(31:34):
And I called up the chairperson of the trustees, who was then Sally E.,
and I said to her, can I help you with anything that needs to be done?
You see, it was this dead silence. She said, Sidney, no one has ever asked me that before.
And I'll tell you what we did. She said she lived in Orange County.
(31:55):
I live in West L.A. and I went down to the valley, picked up all the letters
we got from Addams all over, drove out to Orange County.
We stopped there and we answered the letters, long-handed.
Everyone who had a problem, it didn't matter what the problem was,
if it was a root problem, an area problem, a regional problem,
(32:17):
anything to do with tradition, whatever it was, we sat there and answered.
Let me tell you, Sally answered most of them.
I sat there addressing the envelopes.
I didn't have enough experience.
I didn't know what to do, but I wanted to help in some way.
I'd take the answers with the envelopes, the letters with the envelopes,
(32:37):
back to the World Service Office and then to my home. We did this for quite a long time.
And it did not matter. We did anything.
In the meantime, the World Service Office was growing and growing and growing.
One of the things that the trustees did, we had no money either.
World Services had no money. So when we went to a conference or convention at
(33:01):
that time, the conferences were at the same time that the conventions were.
So what we would do is that trustees had to pay for their own way,
for their own room, for their own food.
It only became a few years later where the World Circus Conference was able
to pay at least for the airfare and for the rooms.
(33:21):
And after that, of course, it changed even again. But we had no idea what was our role as a trustee.
And this was something that I learned.
I'm sure that there were some, Bob B was a trustee at the time,
Sally E, Jack B, Dutch H, myself, and a few others.
(33:42):
And Bo S was a trustee by this time.
And we are searching, continuously searching, what is our purpose here as trustees
in the Fellowship of Narcotic Phenomenons?
One of the things that we didn't know was that we were going to be the guardians
of the traditions. We knew that. Already doing that.
We like a custodian who provided guidance to the fellowship.
(34:06):
This was what was going on. This is what we were trying to do.
We also were there to hopefully to see that narcotic synonymous never died again.
And my experience as a trustee, I've loved them.
They were wonderful. They were not always very peaceful, to say the least.
(34:28):
Let me tell you about a certain time. It's very difficult for me to share about
because if it was a trustee who I respect so much and love so much,
but I want to because it's the truth and it's something that happened.
And we had the second edition of The Little White Book had already been put out with the stories.
(34:50):
There was a lot of AA language in it.
There were a lot of things in
it that now the conference, the RSRs at the conference did not want in it.
They wanted to change The Little White Book, let's say, to be that of Cox Anonymous
lingo, language, and understanding.
(35:12):
You know the philosophy well bobby
and i did not agree but the conference mandated
the trustees to do the changes so for five years they had me chip the liaison
between the trustees and world so they put me in charge of this thing and i
(35:33):
went around and did all these changes and then took it to the trustees and we went over it,
Bobby did not want to make any of these changes.
Now, I spoke to him just a week ago, two weeks ago, and I said,
Bob, do you remember the Little White Book?
He almost, I mean, he almost choked on it when I said that. But he knew and I knew what I meant.
(35:56):
And I said, I knew that the book, the old Little White Book,
had been put on whether it should be made into a historical document.
And I had forgotten that it had been defeated and would not be.
And what I realized, I said to him, what a shame how easily we take a history
(36:20):
and just describe it and just let it go.
Where is the value? You know, the same thing happened with the literature.
My first literature conference away from home was in Warren, Ohio.
And how the literature was carried in was a huge trunk.
All the literature everything that addicts
(36:40):
have sent in were in this huge truck and let
me tell you it was absolutely incredible i read
everything that they wrote and i said this is
so beautiful we never used we would take it they cut it up and put anything
that had the word spiritual under a heading spiritual and i said what happened
(37:01):
what what are we doing tearing this up what are we doing throwing all of this out? This is precious.
Now, I believe that the white book should have been changed.
Bobby did not believe that. He was fought and fought very hard.
He loved that little white book.
You know what? I loved it too, but then I didn't understand the value.
(37:23):
And it's almost the way that we do with addicts that serve so much time in narcotics
synonymous, who give so much of service, and what do we do? They, like, fall away.
We don't know what happened to them. We think they were dead.
All of that incredible experience that they have had, all the growth that they
have gotten from it, and the whole, and they're lost. We don't know what happens to them.
(37:48):
I always felt that something should be done about that.
I want to tell you about an experience. Do we have the time?
I want to tell you about the experience that is also very painful to me.
Can say it's sour grapes because I knew the writer, and it isn't because everything
I stand up here and tell you is the truth.
(38:10):
We're working on It Works, Book of Works.
And we had a writer in the program of Narcotics Anonymous.
This woman had received every prestigious award, not every, some of the most
incredible prestigious awards that anyone could ever imagine.
(38:32):
She donated her time.
She wanted to do this for Narcotics Anonymous. She wanted to do it because she
felt she could contribute something to Narcotics Anonymous.
I have to be very careful how I say this.
Everyone at that committee, which was a very small adult committee,
there were only like four or five of us, everyone who was there could not believe a one-day's input.
(38:56):
She had done the first step in one day, first draft. It was magnificent.
And the woman in the committee, who no one is ever going to know who that is,
I hope, I really do, just threw it down and stomped out of the room.
And I realized that something had touched a mirror.
(39:17):
And for that year, I don't know if it was six months, I don't know if it was
nine months, I don't know if it was three years, we worked on it works.
The first three steps were give it to the conference. They said,
continue doing what you're doing.
Finally, the conference agreed with us.
And finally, this one person was very unhappy because it was an obvious right
(39:42):
to put some notes into someone's ears.
And she was thrown off of the committee. They were not going to do it.
Well, let me tell you this, and this is very important for this reason.
If nothing else, I want to be able to share with you how and the lessons I've
learned from the things that we went through.
(40:05):
Was so angry that six months later, a year later, anyone who wanted to push
my button, all they had to do was mention that, and I went off.
I said, well, let me tell you, you know how much I love narcotics and non-nones.
I wanted to leave narcotics and non-nones. Where would I go?
(40:27):
I was an addict. This was the only place that an addict could go to.
There was no place I could go. I wanted to leave narcotic synonyms.
I realized the injustice.
I realized the pain that is causing the writer and myself and others,
(40:47):
and most of all, narcotic synonyms who would never have this. This is what I had to do.
I had to get into the spiritual principle of forgiveness.
It was the only thing that worked. It took me a long time to get to that place.
I found out, like with everything that we learn about, that none of us can run.
(41:10):
We have no other place to go.
Everyone who has something to contribute to narcotic synonymy at one time or
another will lose something because they are outvoted.
Let me tell you, you all here know that.
You will be outvoted. it you
all will we all will lose we must be
(41:33):
able to accept that through conscience and i
did not want to it was very difficult for me i had to and i had to do it with
love i had to talk to people that i did not addicts that i did not want to talk
to but all that was the outside thing what happened inside had to happen i had
to get into that place of forgiveness and most of the time i had.
(41:57):
Had to be one of the most disappointing experiences that I ever had.
See, because it was not, for me, this was something that I felt Narcotic Synonyms could have.
I learned that we have to go through what we have to go through.
We have to have the faith that a loving God is working in all our lives,
and certainly in Narcotic Synonymous lives.
(42:20):
And I say a loving God because, and I keep repeating about a loving God,
Because I've noticed lately that our literature that's being done is eliminating
the word God from our literature.
No one said to anyone ever to eliminate the word God.
But I talk about it because my understanding of a loving God that I have found
(42:42):
has only come from narcotic synonymous.
My understanding of spiritual principles have only come from my experiences
in narcotic synonymous. is that I understand what a spiritual experience is.
And that's what is so incredible about Narcotics Anonymous.
Everything we learn comes from what happens in Narcotics Anonymous.
(43:06):
I cannot get the understanding that I have anywhere out there. It's all in here.
It is a miracle, truly a miracle, that happens. That's my place and everything
else, but it doesn't matter.
So to ask me what was one of the most important things that you learned being
in world service, I would have to say the spiritual learning about what it meant
(43:31):
to have the spiritual principle of forgiveness.
And the other thing was living principles instead of personality.
You know how easy it is, we say in our 12th tradition, we all speak out.
Principle isn't not personality.
Try living it.
Not only living it to the surface try bringing
(43:53):
it into your life your personal life
and living that's what narcotics synonymous is
about that is the freedom we have
freedom from being a victim
for the rest of our lives by living those
principles I know I have not
touched on many I mean I haven't
(44:14):
touched on anything I didn't go through the committees every committee
see what happens when someone gets up and shares about
the history everyone brings their own perspective to
it and that is all that i can do is bring
my experience my own perspective of it and
everyone who gets up if we were to have someone really do a history what we
(44:37):
would need would be a five to seven day conference with 20 different addicts
working hour by hour by hour on every committee, trustees,
board of directors, WSO, right down the line, literature, PI, H&I, on and on and on.
You'd need one person to give it, and still you'd only get one person's perspective.
(45:03):
Perhaps this is what we have. We have a committee here.
We have a meeting We have someone who comes up who has been so grateful for
having been given the opportunity.
I've been in our private synonymous for so many years. And my sponsor said to
me before I came over here, she said, Sidney, what is the worst that could happen?
(45:26):
Now, as I told you, I was so, I said, I have a blank in my head, a blank.
Nothing is going to come out. She says, what is the worst that could happen?
I said, I'm going to open my mouth and nothing comes out.
She says, and then what's the worst that's going to happen? I said,
I'll open my mouth again and still nothing will come out.
I could stay up here and talk for hours about some of the things that happened
(45:47):
you know but they are my personal experiences and I hope I've shared a few with
you I want you to know I did 70 pages of writing with dates,
I threw them all away I just took around 10 pages with me I haven't even looked
at the guidelines other than the first part that I read and the phone was on
(46:09):
thief will tell you that I knew this was going to happen happen.
But this is what I tell them all the time and my sponsor tells me.
Anyway, I just want to tell you, God bless all of you. God bless Narcotics Anonymous.
And I love you. Thank you.
(46:43):
But I'll just say one more thing. I want to say this because this is so important.
I want to thank certain people. I want to thank Houston S.
Who had the courage and the concept to think that why couldn't the 12 steps help an addict?
(47:04):
I want to thank Jimmy K, who was there all the time, even though it was a difficult
time for Narcotics Anonymous. It was unbelievable.
I want to thank Bob B, who out of his 35 years, spent 25 of those years being
a trustee and is still here today.
(47:24):
I want to thank Bo S.,
who had this determination that nothing would shake him or take a side trip
off to do something other than get and work on the Basin Tax.
I want to thank Greg P., who had one of the first service manuals, the tree.
(47:51):
I wanted to thank Bob, who had so much to do, the vision that he had of where N.A.
Could go, and was very close friends with Bob Stone, and they shared all their ideas together.
Much of what happened at the World Service Office in the 1980s happened because
(48:17):
of the vision that Bob had and the ability of Bob's dog to carry that out,
plus having his own vision.
I want to thank all of you, every addict here in service, even if you're not
in service, if you're at a meeting that's being of service, every addict who continues on.
And that's all I can say. Thank you so much again.
(48:48):
Thank you, Sydney. I think it's safe to say that none of our lives will quite
be the same after hearing Sydney explain her journey in narcotic medicine.
I think I encourage everybody to stay for the main recovery meeting to be held
in the auditorium at 7.30, followed by the dance.
This is not a recovery meeting, so we'll just close with once again thanking
(49:14):
Sydney and thanking everybody for being here today.
And so that you have some perspective of that.
I came into the program September the 8th, 1975, and there were two meetings in all of Bay City.
We didn't even have a Bay City's area, in fact. There was Northern California
and Southern California.
I had no idea that not only were there no meetings in the ballot,
(00:24):
I had no idea that that's where Narcotics Anonymous started in California.
I mean, I could barely, my first year, I never went to my first year convention in 1976.
I was so wasted, clean I was wasted, that they let me stay home and open up
the Saturday night meeting.
Well, everyone went off to the convention that year.
(00:47):
And I loved that. That was fine.
I had my first Boncee asked me to sponsor. I had 14 months cleaned.
And this is what it was like. Like, we had to go to AA meetings because up here
in the west side, that is now west side, and bay cities,
that is bay cities, the first and only meeting that they had that I went to
(01:09):
was Redondo Beach meeting.
And then there was this one in Westchester, which they told me months and months
later that even existed. I didn't even know it existed.
Other than that, all of us went to AA meetings, but all the addicts went together,
and we knew that this was our meeting.
And when I had six months clean, Bobby came home from a convention,
(01:31):
and he said to me, he said, you know, I am only going to go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings.
It scared me to death. I said, what are we going to do?
We don't have any. So this sponsor started meetings by Redondo Beach, which is now Bay City.
And Bobby and I started meetings here in Santa Monica, Venice,
(01:55):
all the area west side over here.
That was the beginning. That was what it was like when I came in.
And let's go back to the very early history of which, believe it or not,
I just realized I was born around that time.
At that time. I'm going to take you back to the mid-1920s.
(02:18):
I'm going to read the next few pages. I want you to know that my sponsee typed
this for me. You know I'm getting old.
You know my eyesight is going. But this does help.
In the mid-20s, I'm going to read these next few pages and then I will talk
(02:39):
with you and be able to share with you just what happened early in our history.
Addicts were admitted to the United States Public Health Service Hospitals,
but effective treatment for addicts still had not been found.
The government thought the problem was so important that in 1929,
Congress authorized funds for the development of two heroin treatment programs.
(03:04):
One of the programs was started in 1935 at the U.S.
Public Hospital in Lexington, Kentucky, and the other in 1938 at the U.S.
Public Hospital in Fort Worth, Texas.
The programs were run as psychiatric hospitals. Between 1935 and 1964,
(03:28):
more than 87,000 addicts were treated at both Lexington and Fort Worth hospitals.
Over time, the health service reported success with some of the patients using
therapy, reduced drugs, and reduced dosages, I should say, and substitute drugs.
Sometimes, restraints were used during detox. They did this to me when I was
(03:52):
detoxing. It's all the same thing.
But no treatment could be found that helped add it with any consistency.
As you all know, in 1935, Alcoholics Anonymous was founded. it.
Then in 1944, an alcoholic named Houston S.
Got into AA and started helping others get into recovery.
(04:14):
One of the men he helped was Harry, who was able to stop drinking,
but could not stop using drugs. We all know that.
Harry was arrested for possession of drugs and sent to the Lexington Hospital.
In 1947, Houston was sent to Kentucky by the company he worked for.
(04:34):
He kept thinking about Harry's problem, how Harry could stop using drugs.
Houston wondered to himself, why couldn't the 12 steps of A.A.
What a concept. So Houston called Dr.
Bogle, who was then a medical officer at the Lexington Hospital,
(04:59):
and offered to start a 12-step group in the hospital.
On February 16, 1947, the first meeting was held.
They called the group, Alex Anons. Houston attended meetings every week until 1963.
Harry, who had been going in and out of hospital, started going to these meetings himself.
(05:22):
And this time, it worked. The New York City man named Danny,
C., who had been in and out of hospitals and prisons, came to Lexington.
And after eight returns to the hospital for treatment, he made his final return
and started going to meetings there.
He brought the first known meeting back to New York City in 1949.
(05:45):
An article in the New York Times dated June 18, 1950, says, quote.
The New York City chapter of Narcotics Anonymous was started five months ago
by a discharged patient from the U.S.
Public Health Service Hospital in Lexington.
(06:06):
Like other methods, he is known only by his first name, Dammit, end of the quote.
The first meetings were held at the House of Detentions in Manhattan,
and then later at Presbyterian Labor Temple on East 14th Street,
and the YMCA Center on 23rd Street.
Meetings were held at the YMCA for 12 years.
(06:28):
But in the 1960s, meetings disappeared in New York because of what was called
the Bruckner Fellow Law,
which banned addicts, even clean addicts, from congregating and associating
with each other under penalty of arrest.
And they wouldn't come back to New York until years later after the law was repealed.
(06:50):
All the way across the country in California, in the early 1950s,
there were at least seven separate attempts to start a group or some kind of
program for addicts in the Los Angeles area.
Some addicts, like Jimmy Kaye, who got free and Alcoholics Anonymous in February of 1950,
(07:12):
were just not comfortable in AA meetings, as they were mostly unwelcome to speak
about any drug other than alcohol. Isn't that sad?
I don't know.
We're not comfortable in AA. I've got to watch my hands.
(07:32):
And they were mostly unwelcome to speak about any drug other than alcohol.
Thank you. Finally, in 1953, the addict started NA in California.
At first, it was called the San Fernando Valley AA and NA Movement.
But one of the founders, Jimmy K, did not approve of calling it AANA.
(07:55):
The group drew up its own bylaws and how this new fellowship would function
differently from Alcoholics Anonymous.
From the very beginning, the 12 steps included the words powerless over our addiction.
Jimmy saw to that. Not any particular substance. steps, and all the steps and
(08:16):
traditions were changed to start with the word we.
In September of 1953, the new group received a response from the General Service
Office of Alcoholics Anonymous, giving them permission to use the steps and traditions,
but telling us that the AA name could no longer be used, so the name was changed
(08:37):
eventually in Narcotics Anonymous, soon after to Narcotics Anonymous.
October 5th, 1953 in North Hollywood was the first meeting of a newly formed
fellowship called Narcotics Anonymous.
In 1959, for a period of time, N.A. disappeared, as it did in New York,
due to the personalities and the failure to follow the traditions.
(09:00):
But then it came back, and in 1962...
The first Little White Book was published, laying out the program without any personal stories.
In 1964, the Board of Trustees was formed for the purpose of ensuring that N.A. doesn't die again.
(09:27):
In 1965, N.A. was started in Northern California.
In 1966, the second Little White Book came out, including the personal story.
In 1968, Jimmy K. designed the N.A. symbol while he was in the hospital fighting tuberculosis.
In 1970, there were 20 meetings worldwide.
(09:49):
N.A.'s growth was very slow at that time, with most addicts around the world
still having no hope for recovery from our disease.
There were very few places in California starting meetings. Most meetings were
isolated, but there was nowhere else for addicts to go.
Only a very few fortunate addicts found other addicts willing and able to take
(10:13):
them into their homes where they could pick, throw.
And I have to tell you, in the mid-70s, when I came in, and very shortly thereafter.
In our home, Bobby and I, we had a room in our home that we called a recovery room.
And for For eight years, we had, approximately eight years, we had addicts coming
(10:34):
in either off of the streets or from the meetings or wherever it was so they could kick in our home.
Let me tell you, I will never forget the time when Bobby got a call from this
man from Alcoholics Anonymous who had 44 years sober at the time.
And he said you know i found this
(10:54):
woman who was lying on the floor and we
thought she was drunk she just passed out that she had been drinking she told
us she was drinking he said we could have taken care of that but we went to
pick her up there was a needle hanging out of her arm he said we didn't know
what to do so we called narcotics anonymous help we called it fat at that time, the hotline.
(11:17):
We called the Narcotics Anonymous hotline.
And without my knowing it, two men come with this little woman who was hanging
on to both their arms into the house when I walked in.
And Bobby said, surprise. No, he didn't.
He said, these men brought this woman, honey, and packed a hot book.
(11:40):
And God bless this man, this 44-year sober who had the courage to say, we couldn't.
(12:02):
She was in the house for three days, and for 24 hours, she was talking.
And if I wanted to go to John, Sidney, don't leave me.
No matter what, don't leave me.
In one day, I was so exhausted.
I called up my sponsees, who were very new at that time, and came over to the
(12:24):
house and we were taking turns, taking her into the shower, going to the shower with her.
This is how we detoxed. We didn't know it then that you weren't supposed to
put a towel in someone's mouth when they started convulsing.
Today, they don't let you do that. But then we didn't know anything.
We thought, this is what you do. You take the towel and put it.
And she started convulsing over and over again.
(12:46):
Finally, when we called the paramedics, they had no hospital to take her to. They were filled.
They were filled with the emergency hospital, so they just couldn't take her. She had no money.
So we kept her the whole weekend. And this is what all addicts,
most addicts, were doing at that time.
They came into our homes, and they detoxed there, and most of them were able
(13:10):
to stay in meetings, and that's what happened there.
I only have two more pages to go. 1971, the very first World Convention,
WCNA1, was held at the La Mirada Country Club in Southern California.
THE COST OF REGISTRATION WAS $5, WITH AN ADDITIONAL $5 FOR THE BANQUET.
(13:32):
GONE ARE THOSE DAYS. JIMMY K. SPOKE ON THE HISTORY OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS.
JIMMY HAD BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL.
(13:54):
Office moved into its first location on Crenshaw Boulevard in Los Angeles.
There were now 70 meetings worldwide.
Also that year, the WCNA II was held in North Hollywood.
150 addicts attended, hearing Jimmy Case on Saturday night and Pepe A.
(14:15):
Sunday morning. In 1973, the Third World Convention was held in San Jose.
400 addicts were attended.
That year, NA celebrated its 20th anniversary.
There were only two so-called areas, if you want to call them areas,
in California at the time.
(14:35):
It was just Southern California and Northern California.
Southern California alone had 32 meetings. Northern California had 13 meetings.
And there were another 20 meetings outside California.
At this time, the San Fernando Valley decided to go off on their own and start their own area.
The San Fernando Valley Area Service Committee was born in 1974.
(15:05):
Well, what happened? Well, in 1974, the WSO moved to Highland Avenue in Hollywood.
The following year, 1975, the World Service Office moved to a suicide prevention center.
I was an e-commer when I went there to my first meeting. It was so depressing.
I cannot tell you. We shortly moved out of there, and that's Sun Valley.
(15:29):
And then in 1983, around 1983, we moved to Wyandotte. And I want to tell you about that.
Soon after we moved in, it was just all completely open. There were no offices in there.
We needed painting, we needed a lot of work. And I said, how big it is.
(16:17):
With the Maine World Service Office signing.
And I said, oh my God, that feeling's still there in me when I talk about it.
And today, of course, we all know it's in Northridge. That year,
the N.A. Service Tree was approved.
The Service Tree was written by Greg P., who is very important in our early history, still is.
(16:39):
I think he lives somewhere in Florida, but I'm not certain of that.
And it's still clean, served as a trustee, left
the service commitment and came back in 1986 as
a trustee again that's the end of what i'm
going to read out of i do have notes and i was hoping to do this without having
to read it without having notes i just can't i'm the worst when it comes to
(17:02):
remembering dates so what i'm going to do from now on instead of taking the
risk and the chance of putting the date down i'm going to just say early
60s or 70s or early 80s, middle 80s, later 80s, early 90s, whatever it is.
I just can't be concerned about that.
So I'd like to really talk about how it was when we first started getting it
(17:26):
to service and how different it was then.
What happened really at this time, of course, we know that we had a drug use explosion.
The 60s and the 70s was a counterculture. It was a psychedelic revolution.
The Vietnams produced junkies. Let us forget that. I remember that so clearly. Drug use became open.
(17:50):
Children were watching their parents and what they were doing,
how cool they were using drugs.
Of course, that came down to the children eventually.
I had gone to my first World Service conference, I think it was in the early
1980s, And I remember walking in.
(18:11):
I still remember some of the addicts who were there.
And they had these little flags going up and down like this.
Every time they voted, up went the flag and came down.
Sometimes they'd just go crazy, didn't know what was happening.
Fist fights were about to begin, they said, we'll take it outside.
I said, this is insane. I will never come to another conference again.
(18:35):
Let me tell you what that taught me. Never to say never.
Because after that, when I became a trustee, and even before that,
I was there at every conference thereafter.
(19:24):
At our home, when I had 10 months clean, how to start an area,
how to take from the group to the area, from the area to the regions to the
world. We started studying that.
Okay, so here he is holding up this book in one hand and reading from the letter.
He says, these addicts are coming in from out of town somewhere,
(19:44):
and this book here, they're calling it the grave book.
They want input from addicts in California because they're going to hold a world
literature committee before they have the conference and he said some mistake
he's about to throw it away and I piped up this is so exciting I didn't know there were addicts.
(20:07):
Anywhere outside of California I really didn't know they existed I mean you
have to understand I was interested in getting some kind of recovery I want
you to know No, a disdainment. I had no idea.
I had to work hard on knowing what was happening in my recovery.
I had no idea about conferences or conventions.
(20:29):
I had no idea because I went to the second one since I'd been clean at the Jack
Tar in San Francisco, where you would find Bo, who had come in from Georgia also at that time.
And Bo had been asking around and saying, has anyone started a big book about Narcotics Anonymous?
He couldn't find any answer. No one could answer him.
(20:53):
So what happened was he went to Jimmy. He found Jimmy. He said,
has anyone started any book about Narcotics Anonymous?
No one apparently had started anything about Narcotics Anonymous.
So here he was with this great book in his hand and this letter and is about to throw it away.
I said, you can't throw it away. We have to have it.
(21:15):
So we don't care what happens to other addicts. I said, what are you talking
about? Of course we care what happens to addicts anywhere.
They're addicts. We're all the same.
He said, Sidney, you're so enthusiastic.
(21:56):
And we were writing in book, and we would meet every week. In the interim,
let me tell you what happened.
When Bo, which was in 1977, when we had the convention at the Jack Tar in San
Francisco, Bo was asking all these questions.
When I saw the gray book for the first time, I think it was either 1980 or 1981. I'm not quite certain.
(22:19):
So between that time, he said, we have to have a book. And what he did was he
went back to Georgia, got a small committee together.
From there, they worked on the book using the white booklet as a topic for each chapter.
All of our things start with that in our basic text.
(22:44):
Then he went all over. Wherever there was going to be a conference, Bo went.
And he welcomed everyone. Any addict that wants to be a part of the World Literature
Committee can be a part of World Literature Committee.
And the addicts came from everywhere.
He went to Kansas. He went to North Dakota. He went to Tennessee.
(23:09):
He went to all these places. And each time he went, more addicts would join. They had no money.
They asked for money everywhere they went. addicts gave money that they had
themselves one addict even went out to the Red Cross and sold his rug so that
he could take the money and give it to the World Red Committee.
(23:47):
And when Bo came to the conference that we were going to have then in the Los
Angeles Valley College, he walked into a small room.
I have no idea where we were. We were in a very small room.
We were working on the grade book. And he walks in with around half a dozen
(24:08):
addicts from out of state.
And he said, my God, I cannot believe that you're working on the grade book.
And that was the beginning. That was the first time I met Faux.
And we had worked together after that in world literature for nine years.
One of those years I was trusting.
(24:29):
In 19... I want to go before 1983.
I want to take you to Warren, Ohio, where we went to after the literature committee
came to Santa Monica that year.
They asked me to come to Warren, Ohio.
Now, you have to understand, none of us had any money. Everything that we did, we paid for ourselves.
(24:53):
Now, to have a world-lit meeting, you had to have papers, you had to have typewriters,
you had to have copy machines, you name it.
You had to have money to eat, you had to have money for the plane,
money where to stay at. It was absolutely incredible.
And we did this. These addicts did it. They did it.
(25:15):
They were the ones that for those previous two years had been everywhere doing
this to get a book for Narcotics Anonymous.
I get to Warren, Ohio, and I said, I don't even have the address.
They tell me it's an old schoolhouse that was donated to us.
I get to Warren, Ohio. I said, is there a cat? Maybe he He knows where an old schoolhouse is.
(25:40):
No cats. Fortunately, one of Bobby's sponsees was there.
And he met me. Bobby must have told him when I was arriving, he met me at the airport.
When we go to this place, it's an old schoolhouse.
There must have been around 50 addicts there, all of them working on the basic techs.
(26:02):
And I said, well, where do we sleep?
He said, we have one room upstairs, the auditorium. We have mattresses all over the place.
I said, where's the gym? Then we have one shower.
I said, take me to a motel. They take me to this motel. You wouldn't believe this.
It was so seedy, this hotel, that when the addicts came to pick me up every
(26:26):
morning to take me back to the school, they wouldn't even come into the place. Yeah.
The walls were caving in. The floor was sinking. You know, the kind of motel
it is. I don't have to tell you. This woman is trying to understand.
What am I doing? I'm there. The men are picking me up. Instead of coming in,
they're all taking me out.
(26:47):
The truth. She said, you worked hard today, dearie.
But I worked very hard. Let me tell you how we worked. We worked for 20 hours a day.
We had a newcomer who did the cooking for us.
We had others who were doing the copy work for us. It was unbelievable.
(27:09):
Now, they're trying to get me to cut and paste.
Now, I'm screaming, I don't want to cut and paste. I said, look at this beautiful
writing that addicts have sent in, and you want to cut and paste it,
cut it up, and put it away.
That's how we'll do it. And Bo very patiently was explaining to me this,
this, and this. So what I did, I took my committee into the room,
(27:29):
took the key, locked the door, and wouldn't let anyone in or out.
And we got the fourth step done, took basic tests. And everyone there was working very, very hard.
It was an unbelievable experience to see what these addicts did.
Let me tell you what was there.
There was a passion for this work that you cannot find anywhere else.
(27:52):
I have never experienced all the years of world service. I never experienced
a passion like that. It was incredible.
We did it because we were so excited. There was an explosion of growth of addicts
coming into Narcotics Anonymous.
We needed something. We needed a book.
(28:12):
And we knew it. There was such a passion about doing this.
And we worked 18 to 20 hours a day. It didn't matter what.
If I came in late in the morning, you'd see all the heads going,
You know, and I'm not good at guilt.
I don't like it. So I've got even less sleep than three or four hours a day.
(28:32):
Unless we get one morning, it was five o'clock in the morning.
And the next morning, what we had was every morning we had what we called a
group conscious meeting.
And every evening we had a group conscious meeting where we went over everything that was done.
In the morning, what was done the night before. And the evening,
what was done all that day.
And that morning, I knew we were going to have to come with whatever we did
(28:55):
and bring it into this group conscience.
Well, we did that. And at 5 o'clock in the morning, we had this little newcomer,
Bobby, I'm sure, remembers him.
He stole something to sell to me, so I'll never forget it.
And he, we were just ready to, our heads were ready to split. Right.
(29:16):
And I said, we've got to get this copied. This is the last thing that needs
to be copied. Go copy it on the copier.
He looked at me and he says, what do you think I am, a slave?
He was like around five feet tall.
I picked him up by the neck, put him up against the wall.
I said, you see these artists? Billy Z was in a wheelchair there who had been
(29:39):
hurting so badly, so badly.
Never complained, sitting there and working. game.
And I turned around and looked at him and my heart just went out,
you know, and I looked at him and I said, you see, these addicts here,
all of us are working so that we could have a book for the addicts that come in.
He said, you owe them an amends. And I have never said that to anyone before
(30:02):
or since then, telling someone what they owe somebody else, you know, and he apologized.
He never got to bed that night because we got the work done at seven and eight
o'clock in the morning, the meeting started, the group conscious meeting started,
and there we were doing it. And that was for Ohio.
In 1983, the World Service Conference of 1983 really changed the way NA operated.
(30:30):
That was the first time that the trustees were ever nominated by the conference, by the IRS.
It was the actually Actually, also the first day of the conference lasted 18 hours.
It ended almost at 2 a.m. in the morning and started again at 8.30 in the morning.
(30:52):
That is how we work. World Service is worked that way. And you still have meetings
and days where you may have that.
Then it was all the time. It was just something that we did.
We didn't know. You know, I was nominated for a trustee. I didn't know what I was supposed to do.
I mean, for three months after being nominated, I had no idea.
(31:12):
I never got a call from anyone.
I finally get a call from Dutch H., from back east. And he said, and we had just met.
And he said, Sidney, he said, do you know what we're supposed to do?
I said, I don't have the slightest idea. Thank God, you know,
there were addicts there who were there with a lot of time clean.
(31:34):
And I called up the chairperson of the trustees, who was then Sally E.,
and I said to her, can I help you with anything that needs to be done?
You see, it was this dead silence. She said, Sidney, no one has ever asked me that before.
And I'll tell you what we did. She said she lived in Orange County.
(31:55):
I live in West L.A. and I went down to the valley, picked up all the letters
we got from Addams all over, drove out to Orange County.
We stopped there and we answered the letters, long-handed.
Everyone who had a problem, it didn't matter what the problem was,
if it was a root problem, an area problem, a regional problem,
(32:17):
anything to do with tradition, whatever it was, we sat there and answered.
Let me tell you, Sally answered most of them.
I sat there addressing the envelopes.
I didn't have enough experience.
I didn't know what to do, but I wanted to help in some way.
I'd take the answers with the envelopes, the letters with the envelopes,
(32:37):
back to the World Service Office and then to my home. We did this for quite a long time.
And it did not matter. We did anything.
In the meantime, the World Service Office was growing and growing and growing.
One of the things that the trustees did, we had no money either.
World Services had no money. So when we went to a conference or convention at
(33:01):
that time, the conferences were at the same time that the conventions were.
So what we would do is that trustees had to pay for their own way,
for their own room, for their own food.
It only became a few years later where the World Circus Conference was able
to pay at least for the airfare and for the rooms.
(33:21):
And after that, of course, it changed even again. But we had no idea what was our role as a trustee.
And this was something that I learned.
I'm sure that there were some, Bob B was a trustee at the time,
Sally E, Jack B, Dutch H, myself, and a few others.
(33:42):
And Bo S was a trustee by this time.
And we are searching, continuously searching, what is our purpose here as trustees
in the Fellowship of Narcotic Phenomenons?
One of the things that we didn't know was that we were going to be the guardians
of the traditions. We knew that. Already doing that.
We like a custodian who provided guidance to the fellowship.
(34:06):
This was what was going on. This is what we were trying to do.
We also were there to hopefully to see that narcotic synonymous never died again.
And my experience as a trustee, I've loved them.
They were wonderful. They were not always very peaceful, to say the least.
(34:28):
Let me tell you about a certain time. It's very difficult for me to share about
because if it was a trustee who I respect so much and love so much,
but I want to because it's the truth and it's something that happened.
And we had the second edition of The Little White Book had already been put out with the stories.
(34:50):
There was a lot of AA language in it.
There were a lot of things in
it that now the conference, the RSRs at the conference did not want in it.
They wanted to change The Little White Book, let's say, to be that of Cox Anonymous
lingo, language, and understanding.
(35:12):
You know the philosophy well bobby
and i did not agree but the conference mandated
the trustees to do the changes so for five years they had me chip the liaison
between the trustees and world so they put me in charge of this thing and i
(35:33):
went around and did all these changes and then took it to the trustees and we went over it,
Bobby did not want to make any of these changes.
Now, I spoke to him just a week ago, two weeks ago, and I said,
Bob, do you remember the Little White Book?
He almost, I mean, he almost choked on it when I said that. But he knew and I knew what I meant.
(35:56):
And I said, I knew that the book, the old Little White Book,
had been put on whether it should be made into a historical document.
And I had forgotten that it had been defeated and would not be.
And what I realized, I said to him, what a shame how easily we take a history
(36:20):
and just describe it and just let it go.
Where is the value? You know, the same thing happened with the literature.
My first literature conference away from home was in Warren, Ohio.
And how the literature was carried in was a huge trunk.
All the literature everything that addicts
(36:40):
have sent in were in this huge truck and let
me tell you it was absolutely incredible i read
everything that they wrote and i said this is
so beautiful we never used we would take it they cut it up and put anything
that had the word spiritual under a heading spiritual and i said what happened
(37:01):
what what are we doing tearing this up what are we doing throwing all of this out? This is precious.
Now, I believe that the white book should have been changed.
Bobby did not believe that. He was fought and fought very hard.
He loved that little white book.
You know what? I loved it too, but then I didn't understand the value.
(37:23):
And it's almost the way that we do with addicts that serve so much time in narcotics
synonymous, who give so much of service, and what do we do? They, like, fall away.
We don't know what happened to them. We think they were dead.
All of that incredible experience that they have had, all the growth that they
have gotten from it, and the whole, and they're lost. We don't know what happens to them.
(37:48):
I always felt that something should be done about that.
I want to tell you about an experience. Do we have the time?
I want to tell you about the experience that is also very painful to me.
Can say it's sour grapes because I knew the writer, and it isn't because everything
I stand up here and tell you is the truth.
(38:10):
We're working on It Works, Book of Works.
And we had a writer in the program of Narcotics Anonymous.
This woman had received every prestigious award, not every, some of the most
incredible prestigious awards that anyone could ever imagine.
(38:32):
She donated her time.
She wanted to do this for Narcotics Anonymous. She wanted to do it because she
felt she could contribute something to Narcotics Anonymous.
I have to be very careful how I say this.
Everyone at that committee, which was a very small adult committee,
there were only like four or five of us, everyone who was there could not believe a one-day's input.
(38:56):
She had done the first step in one day, first draft. It was magnificent.
And the woman in the committee, who no one is ever going to know who that is,
I hope, I really do, just threw it down and stomped out of the room.
And I realized that something had touched a mirror.
(39:17):
And for that year, I don't know if it was six months, I don't know if it was
nine months, I don't know if it was three years, we worked on it works.
The first three steps were give it to the conference. They said,
continue doing what you're doing.
Finally, the conference agreed with us.
And finally, this one person was very unhappy because it was an obvious right
(39:42):
to put some notes into someone's ears.
And she was thrown off of the committee. They were not going to do it.
Well, let me tell you this, and this is very important for this reason.
If nothing else, I want to be able to share with you how and the lessons I've
learned from the things that we went through.
(40:05):
Was so angry that six months later, a year later, anyone who wanted to push
my button, all they had to do was mention that, and I went off.
I said, well, let me tell you, you know how much I love narcotics and non-nones.
I wanted to leave narcotics and non-nones. Where would I go?
(40:27):
I was an addict. This was the only place that an addict could go to.
There was no place I could go. I wanted to leave narcotic synonyms.
I realized the injustice.
I realized the pain that is causing the writer and myself and others,
(40:47):
and most of all, narcotic synonyms who would never have this. This is what I had to do.
I had to get into the spiritual principle of forgiveness.
It was the only thing that worked. It took me a long time to get to that place.
I found out, like with everything that we learn about, that none of us can run.
(41:10):
We have no other place to go.
Everyone who has something to contribute to narcotic synonymy at one time or
another will lose something because they are outvoted.
Let me tell you, you all here know that.
You will be outvoted. it you
all will we all will lose we must be
(41:33):
able to accept that through conscience and i
did not want to it was very difficult for me i had to and i had to do it with
love i had to talk to people that i did not addicts that i did not want to talk
to but all that was the outside thing what happened inside had to happen i had
to get into that place of forgiveness and most of the time i had.
(41:57):
Had to be one of the most disappointing experiences that I ever had.
See, because it was not, for me, this was something that I felt Narcotic Synonyms could have.
I learned that we have to go through what we have to go through.
We have to have the faith that a loving God is working in all our lives,
and certainly in Narcotic Synonymous lives.
(42:20):
And I say a loving God because, and I keep repeating about a loving God,
Because I've noticed lately that our literature that's being done is eliminating
the word God from our literature.
No one said to anyone ever to eliminate the word God.
But I talk about it because my understanding of a loving God that I have found
(42:42):
has only come from narcotic synonymous.
My understanding of spiritual principles have only come from my experiences
in narcotic synonymous. is that I understand what a spiritual experience is.
And that's what is so incredible about Narcotics Anonymous.
Everything we learn comes from what happens in Narcotics Anonymous.
(43:06):
I cannot get the understanding that I have anywhere out there. It's all in here.
It is a miracle, truly a miracle, that happens. That's my place and everything
else, but it doesn't matter.
So to ask me what was one of the most important things that you learned being
in world service, I would have to say the spiritual learning about what it meant
(43:31):
to have the spiritual principle of forgiveness.
And the other thing was living principles instead of personality.
You know how easy it is, we say in our 12th tradition, we all speak out.
Principle isn't not personality.
Try living it.
Not only living it to the surface try bringing
(43:53):
it into your life your personal life
and living that's what narcotics synonymous is
about that is the freedom we have
freedom from being a victim
for the rest of our lives by living those
principles I know I have not
touched on many I mean I haven't
(44:14):
touched on anything I didn't go through the committees every committee
see what happens when someone gets up and shares about
the history everyone brings their own perspective to
it and that is all that i can do is bring
my experience my own perspective of it and
everyone who gets up if we were to have someone really do a history what we
(44:37):
would need would be a five to seven day conference with 20 different addicts
working hour by hour by hour on every committee, trustees,
board of directors, WSO, right down the line, literature, PI, H&I, on and on and on.
You'd need one person to give it, and still you'd only get one person's perspective.
(45:03):
Perhaps this is what we have. We have a committee here.
We have a meeting We have someone who comes up who has been so grateful for
having been given the opportunity.
I've been in our private synonymous for so many years. And my sponsor said to
me before I came over here, she said, Sidney, what is the worst that could happen?
(45:26):
Now, as I told you, I was so, I said, I have a blank in my head, a blank.
Nothing is going to come out. She says, what is the worst that could happen?
I said, I'm going to open my mouth and nothing comes out.
She says, and then what's the worst that's going to happen? I said,
I'll open my mouth again and still nothing will come out.
I could stay up here and talk for hours about some of the things that happened
(45:47):
you know but they are my personal experiences and I hope I've shared a few with
you I want you to know I did 70 pages of writing with dates,
I threw them all away I just took around 10 pages with me I haven't even looked
at the guidelines other than the first part that I read and the phone was on
(46:09):
thief will tell you that I knew this was going to happen happen.
But this is what I tell them all the time and my sponsor tells me.
Anyway, I just want to tell you, God bless all of you. God bless Narcotics Anonymous.
And I love you. Thank you.
(46:43):
But I'll just say one more thing. I want to say this because this is so important.
I want to thank certain people. I want to thank Houston S.
Who had the courage and the concept to think that why couldn't the 12 steps help an addict?
(47:04):
I want to thank Jimmy K, who was there all the time, even though it was a difficult
time for Narcotics Anonymous. It was unbelievable.
I want to thank Bob B, who out of his 35 years, spent 25 of those years being
a trustee and is still here today.
(47:24):
I want to thank Bo S.,
who had this determination that nothing would shake him or take a side trip
off to do something other than get and work on the Basin Tax.
I want to thank Greg P., who had one of the first service manuals, the tree.
(47:51):
I wanted to thank Bob, who had so much to do, the vision that he had of where N.A.
Could go, and was very close friends with Bob Stone, and they shared all their ideas together.
Much of what happened at the World Service Office in the 1980s happened because
(48:17):
of the vision that Bob had and the ability of Bob's dog to carry that out,
plus having his own vision.
I want to thank all of you, every addict here in service, even if you're not
in service, if you're at a meeting that's being of service, every addict who continues on.
And that's all I can say. Thank you so much again.
(48:48):
Thank you, Sydney. I think it's safe to say that none of our lives will quite
be the same after hearing Sydney explain her journey in narcotic medicine.
I think I encourage everybody to stay for the main recovery meeting to be held
in the auditorium at 7.30, followed by the dance.
This is not a recovery meeting, so we'll just close with once again thanking
(49:14):
Sydney and thanking everybody for being here today.
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