March 4, 2025 • 33 mins
Energy Exchange in Gossip and Conflict Resolution
In this episode of Practically Magick Today, energy healer Courtney Pearl discusses the energy dynamics of gossip, referencing historical perspectives and modern implications. Using the Hanged Man tarot card, Courtney explores the give-and-take inherent in gossip and its role in community conflicts. She recounts a recent conflict within the Daybreak Network community, mediated by astrologer Cambria Davis, examining how gossip can both support and harm community ties. Courtney also delves into the historical significance of gossip among women, highlighting its evolution from a communal activity to a stigmatized behavior. This episode aims to provide listeners with a nuanced understanding of gossip as an energy exchange and its impact on relationships.
Additional announcements include upcoming events and classes hosted by Courtney.
00:00 Introduction and Today's Topic
00:32 Tarot Card Reading: The Hanged Man
02:34 Community Conflict and Mediation
05:41 Historical Perspective on Gossip
09:14 Energy Exchange in Gossip
12:12 Personal Reflections and Advice
14:07 Engaging with Gossip: Questions to Consider
22:25 Compassion and Conflict Resolution
28:09 Conclusion and Announcements
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Hello and welcome toPractically Magick Today.
I am your energy healer, Courtney Pearl.
And today's episode we are going to talkabout the energy exchange of gossip.
And before we get intoit, I know I've already.
(00:22):
Teased and tantalized you into,uh, what our topic is today.
It's a very fascinatingand interesting topic.
I can't wait to dive into.
Before we do that, I'm gonna pull a card.
Today I am using my Luna Edition,the Tarot, ethereal Visions
Tarot, and let's get into it.
(00:45):
I love this deck because ithas a real prismic foil to it.
It's very shiny and beautiful, andif you cannot see because you're
listening to the audio version, thenpop over to YouTube and watch the video.
You will see what I am talking about.
It's a beautiful deck,Luna, meaning the moon
(01:06):
and oh, for this episode today, Ihave pulled the Hanged Man, which.
Again, for those who are not familiarwith tarot, might find this to
be a little bit creepy or scary.
But actually the hanged manis not hanging by his neck.
He's hanging by his feet and he's hangingupside down from the branches of the tree.
(01:30):
Um, it represents, um, or has a veryclose tie to the story and mythology
of Odin who hangs from the tree.
And sacrifices his eye for the giftof wisdom from the uh, from the nuns.
He gets the wisdom of the ruins.
(01:51):
And if you're not familiar with thatstory, we'll talk about that a little
bit more in a different episode wherewe do some folklore and mythology.
The reason why I think it's fascinatingthat this card has come up for our
subject today is because we aregonna talk a lot about give and take.
We're gonna talk about energy exchangeand how there is something to be gained
(02:12):
and there is something to be lost when itcomes to an energy exchange like the um.
Like engaging in gossip.
Right?
And so the Hanged Man oftenrepresents something to do with giving
something up, a sacrifice of somekind in order to get something back.
(02:34):
And I've decided to do thistopic for in particular today
because we've had something ofa, of a little bit of a conflict.
Um.
Happening, and it's really interestingthat during this conflict that's happening
between two members of our community,we, um, another member of our community,
(02:56):
Cambria Davis, who you've seen as a, a.
A guest on my show, she's theDaybreaks, local astrologer.
She has actually been taking mediationtraining and it was interesting because
we were kind of conversing among theleadership group of the Daybreak Network,
which we all head up as a community ofpeople who have different entrepreneurial
(03:18):
projects, businesses, nonprofits, um.
In our community, and it's an opportunityfor us to gather and meet and as we're
the team lead people, the people in chargeof these gatherings, we were having a
group conversation about this conflictbetween two members of our group because
we wanted to see how much we are neededin mediating this conflict or stepping in,
(03:44):
or how much we should just pull out of itand let it play out how it's supposed to.
I'm kind of wondering whatour role is in all of that.
And it's interesting because oneof our, um, team people, I won't
call out who exactly, but I feltlike they were uncomfortable with
our, even our discussion aboutthis subject because I feel that
(04:08):
they, they probably do their best.
In all situations to stay outof things, and I tend to agree
with that most of the time.
But in this particular situationthat we've been experiencing, we
have someone whose behavior is, um.
Not as conducive to a supportive roleor is not, uh, facilitating a sort
(04:33):
of all inclusive atmosphere for theother person in the conflict to feel
welcomed and included in being ableto come to our meetings and to be able
to feel that they have a community.
So it was kind of like a, it's eitherme or you situation where not both
people felt welcome to attend meetings.
(04:54):
And so this got me thinkinga lot about gossip.
Now you'll remember, um, I'vereferenced this before, but I was
reading this book, the Cali and theWitch, um, Sylvia Ver Federicci.
Federicci, I hope I'm sayingthat right, Federicci.
She is, um, coming from a sort ofMarxist view and looking at the.
(05:19):
Um, and taking that view a step beyondinto a feminist approach when she
looks at the history of women, it'swomen, the embodiment, and primitive
accumulation is the name of this book.
So I'm gonna reference some ofher talk on gossip here today
as we get into our subject.
(05:41):
I wanna talk about the history.
Um, she brings this up a lot in thebook, and so I wanna talk about how
the role of women went through atransition in the Middle Ages as we were
moving from Feudalist cast system to acapitalist system in the, um, from the
14 hundreds into the 15 hundreds, right?
(06:03):
So at the time, um, so we're talkingabout England around the year 1500.
She talks about gossip, which isderived from an old English term
for godparent, combining God, uh,meaning a kin and SS sib, which, uh.
(06:27):
Indicated women who arecompanionships at birth.
So let's take ourselves back in time.
As we look at thecommunity aspect of women.
In that time period, women weredoing almost everything together from
the time they were little to the.
To the, um, the women of an olderage, um, in all of their activities.
(06:51):
They were as a community sewing together,um, canning and prepping meals together.
They were creating a relationshipthat is, um, very much.
Different than our culture today.
Today we have friendships.
Women have friendships and collaborationswith each other, but they very rarely
(07:13):
extend beyond, um, the times duringthe day that we happen to coexist.
Right, like our work relationshipsor if we're working inside the home,
we see each other on a social basis,but not necessarily working together.
We are working inside of ourown homes, isolated from each
(07:34):
other most of the time nowadays.
And so, um, women talking together aboutthe community, about other people in the
community, about what people are goingthrough, what's going on, it was very much
a day-to-day, all day, every day practice.
Right.
It was not shamed.
(07:55):
It was absolutely justa part of the culture.
When it became a shameful act to gossip,when it became gossiping, was then
preached about over the pulpit and toldthat it was sinful to engage in that kind
of activity would have been during the.
(08:19):
During the shift where patriarchalpower was, it was needed to be able
to separate and isolate women fromeach other in order to hold some kind
of authority and power over them.
So in a sense, women weremade to feel like that sort of
interaction with each other was, um.
(08:39):
Was shameful and sinful, and pridefuland shouldn't be acted upon at all.
Um, as it's quoted in the book, as thestatus of women fell, their independence
in speech and social formations withother women quickly became a threat.
So I want you to take that intoconsideration because this is where
(09:01):
this shift into gossiping being bad.
Um.
Would've been seen and perpetrated bythe powers and authorities that be.
Now I want to, um, to shift this focusinto what I understand as energy exchange.
(09:22):
Okay?
So.
Yes, certain forms of gossip can leave oneperson feeling drained of energy rather
than having this a buildup of energy.
So how do we tell the difference?
Because surely gossip, especially itis looked at in history as I, as I
just pointed out, it must have beena form of protection and power for
(09:47):
women to have been exchanging it.
Together.
And by the way I'm saying this in,in terms of women, but it's not as if
women are the only ones who gossip.
Uh, this is just how it wasperceived at the time in order
for it to be labeled as shameful.
And I think oftentimes, even still, thereis the aftermath of that sort of mentality
(10:10):
because we still associate gossiping asa women's activity rather than a social
activity for all genders and people.
Um.
And when men gossip or whenthey talk together, it's not
often associated as shameful.
It's associated as socializing.
So I am pointing that out to letpeople know that yes, often when women
(10:33):
engage in that sort of activity, it'slabeled as gossip, and that it is also
corresponding with a shameful activity.
Um, and I just wanna point out thatin this particular situation that I'm
talking about with this group, theperson that I felt was maybe wanting
to step back from it or tell us,you know, let's just stay out of it.
(10:54):
Um, let's let, uh, let them handle it,uh, was a man versus all of the women
who were discussing it and talkingabout what is to be handled here.
Now, as I said, most of thetime I agree it's stepping back
and being out of the situation.
However, when it comes to situations wherewe need to discuss it because it is an
(11:17):
act of, uh, protection and informationthat is needed, that's probably how
gossiping was most of the time engagedwith, in those, in the historical times
I'm talking about, it would be like womendiscussing certain men that are safe.
Certain men in theirsociety that are not safe.
(11:40):
Um, if an event or an activity happenedthat would potentially need to be shared
with the other women in the villageor the other women in the community,
it would be because you need to watchout for this person, their behavior.
Has shown signs of being an unsafe person,and I wanna make sure that my fellow women
(12:02):
and my fellow community know that so theycan be cautious and careful, and I don't
think there's anything wrong with that.
Um.
In this particular situation withthe conflict between two people in
our group, one person has exhibited abehavior of, uh, victim mentality of
blasting people who have offended themand being very public and open about
(12:26):
how they've been offended by someone,and they're going to share it all over
the community in, in a sense whethertheir information is correct or not.
They are strongly.
Strongly pushed by a feeling of Ineed to feel validated and I need to
(12:47):
feel protected, and I need to gathermy community around me by making
sure everybody knows what I justwent through and what has happened.
And in some cases, the informationthat they are spreading about the
perpetrator, about the person thatoffended them is sometimes not accurate.
And I want to invite people whofeel a sense of being the victim and
(13:15):
wanting to, um, wanting to tell theirstory as they, uh, often say it.
I'm just telling my story.
I'm telling what happened to me.
I want other people to know what happened.
Um, the purpose behind sharing that or.
Inviting a person to do some healingwork on themselves because they
(13:37):
feel uncomfortable and they feeloffended is part of the question
that we're asking ourselves here.
So, yes, a person does have the rightto speak about what has happened
to them and how they felt about it.
However, when it alienates and isolatesanother person and creates a split.
(13:59):
In the community.
That begs the question on whether ornot who is it helping and who is it
hurting by sharing that information?
And that is the question I wouldlike to propose today in the topic
of gossiping, gossiping, or talking,um, to a person about someone else,
it does give us a chemical need.
(14:22):
Just like addiction to certain things.
We do get a chemical need when we engagewith this kind of social interaction.
We get dopamine, we get endorphins.
We feel kind of that good and powerfulfeeling, uh, that we get when we
say, Hey, I have information toshare with you about someone we know.
(14:43):
Mm-hmm.
Now that's not sayingwhether it's good or bad.
I don't believe in good or bad.
I believe in awareness of whatit is we're getting out of it.
So that's the payoff.
The payoff is I'm getting asense of feeling powerful and
in control and connection.
It does give us oxytocin as wellbecause that can connection with
the person we're speaking to.
(15:04):
It's like, Hey friend, I haveinformation about someone we know, and
this is gonna make me feel connectedto you if I share it with you.
Now asking yourselfwhether it's going to, uh.
Give you energy or whetherit's gonna drain you of energy.
Here are some things I came up withto help us kind of sort that out.
(15:25):
Remember in last episode we talkedabout engaging with art, how healing
through art can be a really powerful,um, modality for art, for healing, and
it connects us with our authentic self.
Well, we can use those sameguidelines in whether we're engaging
with gossip and it's going to.
Help us feel authentic or if it'sgoing to help us feel as if it
(15:49):
strays from that authenticity.
And when it strays from authenticity,it cannot help but drop in energy level.
Because the energy levels, which we'vediscussed in previous episodes that
um, is in the book Power versus Force.
We talk about how there is the topenlightenment and authenticity is in
(16:12):
energy level, level of a thousand, right?
And everything else iscategorized at energy levels.
All the way down to the bottom,which is shame at energy level 20.
So we have all these, uh, calibrationsof energy levels we can engage with.
If what we're doing is engagingwith an energy level that is not
(16:35):
authentic, then it's going tobe dropping our energy level.
And we can tell by saying, is this,um, is this actually connecting me?
To not only the person I'mspeaking to, but to creative
energy or source or higher power.
(16:56):
Does it connect me in that way?
Does it offer, um, offera space of curiosity?
I wonder what ha what is happening?
I wonder what's going on.
Um, does it invite compassionfor self and for maybe the person
(17:16):
you're speaking about compassion.
And I think this kind of is a trickyone because I think you have to be
careful when you do the, oh, goodOld Southern, bless her heart.
You know, when it's like, I'm reallyworried about so and so, so I'm gonna
tell you all about these things thatthey've done, things that they've, uh.
(17:41):
Things that have going,been going on with them.
Am I telling you in a sort of a spacewhere it's like, oh, she has been
cheating on her husband, bless herheart, and really what you're doing
is you're just really, really actuallyexcited to share information about them.
That is nobody else's business.
(18:01):
So be careful about that.
Is it true authentic compassion oris it simply just I'm pretending
to be compassionate so that I cangossip and feel better about myself?
Is it still ego that's getting in theway of this sharing of information?
Um, is it building or uplifting?
Now, I really have to becareful with this one because.
(18:23):
You have to understand that gossipingin some sense or another is still
going to be a destruction of somekind, and there may be a destruction
of relationships happening herewith the engagement of gossip.
I may be understanding informationabout someone or something that I need
to know because they are exhibitingpatterns, um, that are pretty destructive.
(18:51):
Um, and maybe maybe doing that toserve needs of their own, however.
I still think some information needsto be shared even when it destroys
the relationship, because onlyupon destroying a relationship can
you begin to rebuild destruction.
Chaos and rebirth are all partof a process, so I am not going
(19:16):
to say that the destruction ofa relationship means that it is.
Bad or negative, or it's going tojust, um, it's going to necessarily
tear things down to a low energylevel because at some level
there needs to be destruction in somecases in order for rebuilding to happen.
(19:37):
Um, some of the information sharedwith me about how a person has
engaged without my knowledge in.
My reputation that someone has gone aroundsaying, um, don't hire Courtney for this.
Hire me for this.
That sort of competitive behavior.
It's not something I orI try not to engage with.
(20:02):
But if somebody else is engaging inthat way, it's helpful for me to know,
so I know, okay, that's something,that's a space that they are in.
That's how they are choosingto engage with that.
Um.
I still want to show up for peoplein support of them, even if they
feel like they're competing with me.
I wanna show up in a space where Isupport them and their endeavors.
(20:26):
So I might still say, I'm sorrythat you feel that way about me.
However, I am still hoping that youare successful and hoping that you
find reconciliation with yourwork and your relationships.
So, um, is it upliftingand benefiting the whole?
(20:49):
Uh, then on the opposite end of that,if it's gonna be a drain on my energy,
it's um, at, in engaging with gossip,does it come from a place of judgment,
judging whether something is good or bad?
Um, does it give me that thrill toconnect with the person that I'm.
That I'm speaking to, um, because what'sgonna happen is it's gonna feel thrilling
(21:14):
in the moment, and then when I disengagewith the conversation, I am probably going
to feel that energetic draining later.
I'm gonna walk away from theconversation and go, Ugh,
should I really shared all that?
Or should I have saidthe things that I said?
Oh, now I'm questioning itbecause it feels draining.
It feels like I engaged withsomething that took my energy from me.
(21:36):
Um, when in the moment it feltlike a thrill to share information.
It probably was still not okay to,
to engage with that energy.
And then does it show our own insecuritiesor those insecurities of others?
Is it scrutinizing?
Scrutinizing others?
(21:58):
So ask yourself these questionswhen you're engaging with something
like the act of gossiping.
I am not here to tell you thatjust like religious church leaders
have done for a long time and overa pulpit saying, gossip is bad.
Don't do any of it.
It's a sin.
It goes against God.
(22:18):
That's not necessarily true andthat is not how I view it, but.
I think the best way to handle certainthings, especially if you are the
subject of gossip, which in this case Ihave been, um, with this situation I'm
talking about in our group, I am thesubject of some of that gossip and then
(22:42):
someone else is the subject of attack.
And because someone is in great pain andhas felt very violated, they feel that
retaliation is the best way to handle itand to go publicly and say all the ways
publicly that they have felt violated,when in truth there may have been another
(23:09):
perspective to consider compassion.
For all parties is my bestadvice moving forward.
I have reached out to the person whowas potentially the perpetrator of this
person's victimhood and said, I havegotten to know you and your energy, and
(23:36):
I, I know that there's a lot more tothis story than this other person is.
Is publicly stating they are hurt clearly,or they wouldn't be acting this way.
Um.
The energy that I feel is that thiskind of outburst is only gonna hurt them
(23:56):
and their reputation more so than you.
And I feel that I can support bothof you in your own separate spaces,
but because of this person's behaviorand how they've chosen to retaliate,
I may not want to work with them on alevel of, um, putting myself at risk.
(24:18):
Because it seems that these two partieswere working very well together, at
least outwardly until they weren't.
And then this other person chose tobe public about their, uh, experience
in the breakup of their relationship.
(24:38):
And because I know that to betheir pattern, they've done
this several times already.
It will be far less likely that I.Will want to work collaboratively with
them because I wouldn't wanna subjectmyself to that kind of retaliation if
something were to go wrong, and even ifI was to unintentionally offend them.
(24:59):
I know myself, and I know I don'tgo around intentionally offending
people, but it does happen.
Um, I'm not for everybody and maybesome of the, the actions that I've taken
have, um, hurt people unintentionally.
And so I would hate to work with somebodythat I was in fear of or in fear of
like walking on eggshells with them.
(25:20):
So in sharing thatinformation amongst ourselves.
What's happening, what the patternsare, what the patterns of behavior are.
It is just allowing each and everyperson to in the community interact
with each other with that knowledge.
Now, I know I've used a lot of, uh,someone and something and this and
(25:42):
that, and it's a very vague and elusive.
That's because I don't want anyonein particular to be called out.
I just want to use thisexample of a situation in.
The energetic exchange of howgossip can one be powerful and can
actually support and build community
while at the same time it can bedestructive and it can exhaust our energy.
(26:06):
So being careful about how you engagewith it and then knowing that the
ultimate goal is to be compassionate.
I know this person.
Who is engaging in behavior, I wouldn'tnecessarily do myself or would want
to put myself, um, in connection with.
(26:27):
I know that they themselves are goingthrough really hard things and healing
and on their healing journey as well,and so we all choose to do things.
Because we are hoping to get a need met.
She's engaging with that behaviorbecause she's hoping it will
meet a need that she has.
(26:47):
Um.
It may ultimately end up costing hermore relationships, and that's something
that she will have to be aware ofand will have to work through on her
own, or she'll blame us, other peoplein the community for not connecting
with her or having relationship withher, when really we are just choosing
to stay out of those patterns forourselves, for our own protection, and
(27:12):
that for every person I engage with.
No matter what they do or howthey do it, I hope and support
and want the best for them.
And I think that that's part of thesetting the ego aside or going through a
difficult conflict can be an egoic deathin allowing some part of our ego to.
(27:36):
Be crushed and destroyed sometimespainfully so, so that we can
evolve and grow and move on.
And I hope that this situation,as uncomfortable as it is, can
allow an opportunity for allof us as a community to grow.
And I hope that the personwho feels alienated can.
(28:00):
Feel comfortable enough again, some atsome point to return back to the community
and know that they're welcomed and loved.
Oh.
So I don't know if that tiesinto anything that you have
experiencing from wherever you are.
Or if you, um, have had situationslike that come up, I would
(28:22):
love to hear your stories.
If you have a particular situationin which a family or, um, community
groups that you're a part of have hadcertain conflict that you thought were
very tricky or you weren't sure how tonavigate it, or you were part of the.
Part of the conflict or you were kindof on the sidelines as I am in this
situation and how you handle that.
(28:44):
So please write in your stories to me.
I would love to hear them.
You can find me on social media.
I'm uh, Instagram at Prism Healing.
I am, you can message me on my website,prism healing.com, or on Facebook,
Courtney Pearl's Prism Healing.
(29:05):
And those are great spaces toget connected with me, and I love
hearing stories from a listeneror questions from a listener.
If you'd like to be featured in afuture episode as we get ready to
finish this episode, I hope thatsome of this has helped you today and
helps you to be more aware and more.
(29:25):
Understanding of your energy levelsand how to be protective of those.
I would like to give special thanksto Jess Blaine at Ride The Wave Media
for producing this and every one of mypodcasts and doing all of the hard work
of putting it all on our own YouTubechannel so that both practically Magick
the podcast and Ride the Wave Media andan all their network of podcasts can be
(29:50):
built into the empire that it will become.
And empire is probably not the rightword, but I feel like it's becoming
a great community of its own.
I would like to thank Sarah atSunshine Community because she
facilitates and navigates these trickysituations we've discussed today
(30:11):
very well and very gracefully, and Isuper duper appreciate her for that.
She's a Magickal person in and of herself.
So if you don't know SarahAlbert at Sunshine Community.
You can become a part ofthat community as well.
Um, let's see what else.
Alright, I have a coupleof announcements coming up.
(30:31):
If you are local in daybreak or thesurrounding areas of daybreak, I
have my body, my dance party thatpractically Magick is hosting at Land
of a Thousand Hills Coffee and Socialhere in Daybreak, right there in
front of novel Crescent Communities.
We are putting on a very.
(30:53):
Kind of small and intimate, but alsolarge enough to be a real true party.
Just Blaine at Ride The WaveMedia is gonna be our DJ and we
are doing that on March 20th.
You can get tickets on my website.
Prism healing.com.
If you go to the events section,you will see all of the classes and
(31:16):
events I have coming up and you canpurchase a ticket to that event.
10% of profits for that for tickets aregoing to be donated to Daybreak Pride.
So if you wanna help supportthe Pride community in daybreak.
Purchase your ticket andplan on coming and dancing.
It is a women and queer folk only event.
(31:37):
So if you are a woman or thosethat support them, you can purchase
a ticket for yourself and come.
We're gonna be dressed in sweats andcomfy clothes, and we are just gonna
dance our hearts out for the wholeevening, and we're celebrating spring.
And if the weather's good, we're gonnaopen the door and have it go outside too.
It's gonna be a blast.
They are already putting together aspecial drinks menu for the event at Land
(32:00):
of a Thousand Hills, so please get yourtickets before they sell out because we
can only sell 80 tickets for this event.
It's gonna be amazing.
I also have some online classes comingup, so if you would like to take my
online Altars and Sacred Spaces classthat I'll be teaching March 23rd.
(32:25):
It is an online class at 11:00AM Mountain Standard Time.
So on a Sunday, we are going tolearn all about creating altars, and
whether that means an official paganaltar for you, or if it just means
how do I connect with creating spacesin my home and in my outdoor spaces
(32:45):
that feel like connecting to self.
Connecting to land, connecting to source.
This is a fantastic class that I've puttogether with a lot of fun resources
and really, really great, um, materials.
So those are a couple ofthings I have coming up.
If you would like to sign up forthose classes, um, please message me
(33:08):
and, uh, look for me on my website.
I think that is all.
The announcements today.
Thank you so much for joining meand I hope to see you next time.
Go make Magick, witches and wizards.
Hello and welcome toPractically Magick Today.
I am your energy healer, Courtney Pearl.
And today's episode we are going to talkabout the energy exchange of gossip.
And before we get intoit, I know I've already.
(00:22):
Teased and tantalized you into,uh, what our topic is today.
It's a very fascinatingand interesting topic.
I can't wait to dive into.
Before we do that, I'm gonna pull a card.
Today I am using my Luna Edition,the Tarot, ethereal Visions
Tarot, and let's get into it.
(00:45):
I love this deck because ithas a real prismic foil to it.
It's very shiny and beautiful, andif you cannot see because you're
listening to the audio version, thenpop over to YouTube and watch the video.
You will see what I am talking about.
It's a beautiful deck,Luna, meaning the moon
(01:06):
and oh, for this episode today, Ihave pulled the Hanged Man, which.
Again, for those who are not familiarwith tarot, might find this to
be a little bit creepy or scary.
But actually the hanged manis not hanging by his neck.
He's hanging by his feet and he's hangingupside down from the branches of the tree.
(01:30):
Um, it represents, um, or has a veryclose tie to the story and mythology
of Odin who hangs from the tree.
And sacrifices his eye for the giftof wisdom from the uh, from the nuns.
He gets the wisdom of the ruins.
(01:51):
And if you're not familiar with thatstory, we'll talk about that a little
bit more in a different episode wherewe do some folklore and mythology.
The reason why I think it's fascinatingthat this card has come up for our
subject today is because we aregonna talk a lot about give and take.
We're gonna talk about energy exchangeand how there is something to be gained
(02:12):
and there is something to be lost when itcomes to an energy exchange like the um.
Like engaging in gossip.
Right?
And so the Hanged Man oftenrepresents something to do with giving
something up, a sacrifice of somekind in order to get something back.
(02:34):
And I've decided to do thistopic for in particular today
because we've had something ofa, of a little bit of a conflict.
Um.
Happening, and it's really interestingthat during this conflict that's happening
between two members of our community,we, um, another member of our community,
(02:56):
Cambria Davis, who you've seen as a, a.
A guest on my show, she's theDaybreaks, local astrologer.
She has actually been taking mediationtraining and it was interesting because
we were kind of conversing among theleadership group of the Daybreak Network,
which we all head up as a community ofpeople who have different entrepreneurial
(03:18):
projects, businesses, nonprofits, um.
In our community, and it's an opportunityfor us to gather and meet and as we're
the team lead people, the people in chargeof these gatherings, we were having a
group conversation about this conflictbetween two members of our group because
we wanted to see how much we are neededin mediating this conflict or stepping in,
(03:44):
or how much we should just pull out of itand let it play out how it's supposed to.
I'm kind of wondering whatour role is in all of that.
And it's interesting because oneof our, um, team people, I won't
call out who exactly, but I feltlike they were uncomfortable with
our, even our discussion aboutthis subject because I feel that
(04:08):
they, they probably do their best.
In all situations to stay outof things, and I tend to agree
with that most of the time.
But in this particular situationthat we've been experiencing, we
have someone whose behavior is, um.
Not as conducive to a supportive roleor is not, uh, facilitating a sort
(04:33):
of all inclusive atmosphere for theother person in the conflict to feel
welcomed and included in being ableto come to our meetings and to be able
to feel that they have a community.
So it was kind of like a, it's eitherme or you situation where not both
people felt welcome to attend meetings.
(04:54):
And so this got me thinkinga lot about gossip.
Now you'll remember, um, I'vereferenced this before, but I was
reading this book, the Cali and theWitch, um, Sylvia Ver Federicci.
Federicci, I hope I'm sayingthat right, Federicci.
She is, um, coming from a sort ofMarxist view and looking at the.
(05:19):
Um, and taking that view a step beyondinto a feminist approach when she
looks at the history of women, it'swomen, the embodiment, and primitive
accumulation is the name of this book.
So I'm gonna reference some ofher talk on gossip here today
as we get into our subject.
(05:41):
I wanna talk about the history.
Um, she brings this up a lot in thebook, and so I wanna talk about how
the role of women went through atransition in the Middle Ages as we were
moving from Feudalist cast system to acapitalist system in the, um, from the
14 hundreds into the 15 hundreds, right?
(06:03):
So at the time, um, so we're talkingabout England around the year 1500.
She talks about gossip, which isderived from an old English term
for godparent, combining God, uh,meaning a kin and SS sib, which, uh.
(06:27):
Indicated women who arecompanionships at birth.
So let's take ourselves back in time.
As we look at thecommunity aspect of women.
In that time period, women weredoing almost everything together from
the time they were little to the.
To the, um, the women of an olderage, um, in all of their activities.
(06:51):
They were as a community sewing together,um, canning and prepping meals together.
They were creating a relationshipthat is, um, very much.
Different than our culture today.
Today we have friendships.
Women have friendships and collaborationswith each other, but they very rarely
(07:13):
extend beyond, um, the times duringthe day that we happen to coexist.
Right, like our work relationshipsor if we're working inside the home,
we see each other on a social basis,but not necessarily working together.
We are working inside of ourown homes, isolated from each
(07:34):
other most of the time nowadays.
And so, um, women talking together aboutthe community, about other people in the
community, about what people are goingthrough, what's going on, it was very much
a day-to-day, all day, every day practice.
Right.
It was not shamed.
(07:55):
It was absolutely justa part of the culture.
When it became a shameful act to gossip,when it became gossiping, was then
preached about over the pulpit and toldthat it was sinful to engage in that kind
of activity would have been during the.
(08:19):
During the shift where patriarchalpower was, it was needed to be able
to separate and isolate women fromeach other in order to hold some kind
of authority and power over them.
So in a sense, women weremade to feel like that sort of
interaction with each other was, um.
(08:39):
Was shameful and sinful, and pridefuland shouldn't be acted upon at all.
Um, as it's quoted in the book, as thestatus of women fell, their independence
in speech and social formations withother women quickly became a threat.
So I want you to take that intoconsideration because this is where
(09:01):
this shift into gossiping being bad.
Um.
Would've been seen and perpetrated bythe powers and authorities that be.
Now I want to, um, to shift this focusinto what I understand as energy exchange.
(09:22):
Okay?
So.
Yes, certain forms of gossip can leave oneperson feeling drained of energy rather
than having this a buildup of energy.
So how do we tell the difference?
Because surely gossip, especially itis looked at in history as I, as I
just pointed out, it must have beena form of protection and power for
(09:47):
women to have been exchanging it.
Together.
And by the way I'm saying this in,in terms of women, but it's not as if
women are the only ones who gossip.
Uh, this is just how it wasperceived at the time in order
for it to be labeled as shameful.
And I think oftentimes, even still, thereis the aftermath of that sort of mentality
(10:10):
because we still associate gossiping asa women's activity rather than a social
activity for all genders and people.
Um.
And when men gossip or whenthey talk together, it's not
often associated as shameful.
It's associated as socializing.
So I am pointing that out to letpeople know that yes, often when women
(10:33):
engage in that sort of activity, it'slabeled as gossip, and that it is also
corresponding with a shameful activity.
Um, and I just wanna point out thatin this particular situation that I'm
talking about with this group, theperson that I felt was maybe wanting
to step back from it or tell us,you know, let's just stay out of it.
(10:54):
Um, let's let, uh, let them handle it,uh, was a man versus all of the women
who were discussing it and talkingabout what is to be handled here.
Now, as I said, most of thetime I agree it's stepping back
and being out of the situation.
However, when it comes to situations wherewe need to discuss it because it is an
(11:17):
act of, uh, protection and informationthat is needed, that's probably how
gossiping was most of the time engagedwith, in those, in the historical times
I'm talking about, it would be like womendiscussing certain men that are safe.
Certain men in theirsociety that are not safe.
(11:40):
Um, if an event or an activity happenedthat would potentially need to be shared
with the other women in the villageor the other women in the community,
it would be because you need to watchout for this person, their behavior.
Has shown signs of being an unsafe person,and I wanna make sure that my fellow women
(12:02):
and my fellow community know that so theycan be cautious and careful, and I don't
think there's anything wrong with that.
Um.
In this particular situation withthe conflict between two people in
our group, one person has exhibited abehavior of, uh, victim mentality of
blasting people who have offended themand being very public and open about
(12:26):
how they've been offended by someone,and they're going to share it all over
the community in, in a sense whethertheir information is correct or not.
They are strongly.
Strongly pushed by a feeling of Ineed to feel validated and I need to
(12:47):
feel protected, and I need to gathermy community around me by making
sure everybody knows what I justwent through and what has happened.
And in some cases, the informationthat they are spreading about the
perpetrator, about the person thatoffended them is sometimes not accurate.
And I want to invite people whofeel a sense of being the victim and
(13:15):
wanting to, um, wanting to tell theirstory as they, uh, often say it.
I'm just telling my story.
I'm telling what happened to me.
I want other people to know what happened.
Um, the purpose behind sharing that or.
Inviting a person to do some healingwork on themselves because they
(13:37):
feel uncomfortable and they feeloffended is part of the question
that we're asking ourselves here.
So, yes, a person does have the rightto speak about what has happened
to them and how they felt about it.
However, when it alienates and isolatesanother person and creates a split.
(13:59):
In the community.
That begs the question on whether ornot who is it helping and who is it
hurting by sharing that information?
And that is the question I wouldlike to propose today in the topic
of gossiping, gossiping, or talking,um, to a person about someone else,
it does give us a chemical need.
(14:22):
Just like addiction to certain things.
We do get a chemical need when we engagewith this kind of social interaction.
We get dopamine, we get endorphins.
We feel kind of that good and powerfulfeeling, uh, that we get when we
say, Hey, I have information toshare with you about someone we know.
(14:43):
Mm-hmm.
Now that's not sayingwhether it's good or bad.
I don't believe in good or bad.
I believe in awareness of whatit is we're getting out of it.
So that's the payoff.
The payoff is I'm getting asense of feeling powerful and
in control and connection.
It does give us oxytocin as wellbecause that can connection with
the person we're speaking to.
(15:04):
It's like, Hey friend, I haveinformation about someone we know, and
this is gonna make me feel connectedto you if I share it with you.
Now asking yourselfwhether it's going to, uh.
Give you energy or whetherit's gonna drain you of energy.
Here are some things I came up withto help us kind of sort that out.
(15:25):
Remember in last episode we talkedabout engaging with art, how healing
through art can be a really powerful,um, modality for art, for healing, and
it connects us with our authentic self.
Well, we can use those sameguidelines in whether we're engaging
with gossip and it's going to.
Help us feel authentic or if it'sgoing to help us feel as if it
(15:49):
strays from that authenticity.
And when it strays from authenticity,it cannot help but drop in energy level.
Because the energy levels, which we'vediscussed in previous episodes that
um, is in the book Power versus Force.
We talk about how there is the topenlightenment and authenticity is in
(16:12):
energy level, level of a thousand, right?
And everything else iscategorized at energy levels.
All the way down to the bottom,which is shame at energy level 20.
So we have all these, uh, calibrationsof energy levels we can engage with.
If what we're doing is engagingwith an energy level that is not
(16:35):
authentic, then it's going tobe dropping our energy level.
And we can tell by saying, is this,um, is this actually connecting me?
To not only the person I'mspeaking to, but to creative
energy or source or higher power.
(16:56):
Does it connect me in that way?
Does it offer, um, offera space of curiosity?
I wonder what ha what is happening?
I wonder what's going on.
Um, does it invite compassionfor self and for maybe the person
(17:16):
you're speaking about compassion.
And I think this kind of is a trickyone because I think you have to be
careful when you do the, oh, goodOld Southern, bless her heart.
You know, when it's like, I'm reallyworried about so and so, so I'm gonna
tell you all about these things thatthey've done, things that they've, uh.
(17:41):
Things that have going,been going on with them.
Am I telling you in a sort of a spacewhere it's like, oh, she has been
cheating on her husband, bless herheart, and really what you're doing
is you're just really, really actuallyexcited to share information about them.
That is nobody else's business.
(18:01):
So be careful about that.
Is it true authentic compassion oris it simply just I'm pretending
to be compassionate so that I cangossip and feel better about myself?
Is it still ego that's getting in theway of this sharing of information?
Um, is it building or uplifting?
Now, I really have to becareful with this one because.
(18:23):
You have to understand that gossipingin some sense or another is still
going to be a destruction of somekind, and there may be a destruction
of relationships happening herewith the engagement of gossip.
I may be understanding informationabout someone or something that I need
to know because they are exhibitingpatterns, um, that are pretty destructive.
(18:51):
Um, and maybe maybe doing that toserve needs of their own, however.
I still think some information needsto be shared even when it destroys
the relationship, because onlyupon destroying a relationship can
you begin to rebuild destruction.
Chaos and rebirth are all partof a process, so I am not going
(19:16):
to say that the destruction ofa relationship means that it is.
Bad or negative, or it's going tojust, um, it's going to necessarily
tear things down to a low energylevel because at some level
there needs to be destruction in somecases in order for rebuilding to happen.
(19:37):
Um, some of the information sharedwith me about how a person has
engaged without my knowledge in.
My reputation that someone has gone aroundsaying, um, don't hire Courtney for this.
Hire me for this.
That sort of competitive behavior.
It's not something I orI try not to engage with.
(20:02):
But if somebody else is engaging inthat way, it's helpful for me to know,
so I know, okay, that's something,that's a space that they are in.
That's how they are choosingto engage with that.
Um.
I still want to show up for peoplein support of them, even if they
feel like they're competing with me.
I wanna show up in a space where Isupport them and their endeavors.
(20:26):
So I might still say, I'm sorrythat you feel that way about me.
However, I am still hoping that youare successful and hoping that you
find reconciliation with yourwork and your relationships.
So, um, is it upliftingand benefiting the whole?
(20:49):
Uh, then on the opposite end of that,if it's gonna be a drain on my energy,
it's um, at, in engaging with gossip,does it come from a place of judgment,
judging whether something is good or bad?
Um, does it give me that thrill toconnect with the person that I'm.
That I'm speaking to, um, because what'sgonna happen is it's gonna feel thrilling
(21:14):
in the moment, and then when I disengagewith the conversation, I am probably going
to feel that energetic draining later.
I'm gonna walk away from theconversation and go, Ugh,
should I really shared all that?
Or should I have saidthe things that I said?
Oh, now I'm questioning itbecause it feels draining.
It feels like I engaged withsomething that took my energy from me.
(21:36):
Um, when in the moment it feltlike a thrill to share information.
It probably was still not okay to,
to engage with that energy.
And then does it show our own insecuritiesor those insecurities of others?
Is it scrutinizing?
Scrutinizing others?
(21:58):
So ask yourself these questionswhen you're engaging with something
like the act of gossiping.
I am not here to tell you thatjust like religious church leaders
have done for a long time and overa pulpit saying, gossip is bad.
Don't do any of it.
It's a sin.
It goes against God.
(22:18):
That's not necessarily true andthat is not how I view it, but.
I think the best way to handle certainthings, especially if you are the
subject of gossip, which in this case Ihave been, um, with this situation I'm
talking about in our group, I am thesubject of some of that gossip and then
(22:42):
someone else is the subject of attack.
And because someone is in great pain andhas felt very violated, they feel that
retaliation is the best way to handle itand to go publicly and say all the ways
publicly that they have felt violated,when in truth there may have been another
(23:09):
perspective to consider compassion.
For all parties is my bestadvice moving forward.
I have reached out to the person whowas potentially the perpetrator of this
person's victimhood and said, I havegotten to know you and your energy, and
(23:36):
I, I know that there's a lot more tothis story than this other person is.
Is publicly stating they are hurt clearly,or they wouldn't be acting this way.
Um.
The energy that I feel is that thiskind of outburst is only gonna hurt them
(23:56):
and their reputation more so than you.
And I feel that I can support bothof you in your own separate spaces,
but because of this person's behaviorand how they've chosen to retaliate,
I may not want to work with them on alevel of, um, putting myself at risk.
(24:18):
Because it seems that these two partieswere working very well together, at
least outwardly until they weren't.
And then this other person chose tobe public about their, uh, experience
in the breakup of their relationship.
(24:38):
And because I know that to betheir pattern, they've done
this several times already.
It will be far less likely that I.Will want to work collaboratively with
them because I wouldn't wanna subjectmyself to that kind of retaliation if
something were to go wrong, and even ifI was to unintentionally offend them.
(24:59):
I know myself, and I know I don'tgo around intentionally offending
people, but it does happen.
Um, I'm not for everybody and maybesome of the, the actions that I've taken
have, um, hurt people unintentionally.
And so I would hate to work with somebodythat I was in fear of or in fear of
like walking on eggshells with them.
(25:20):
So in sharing thatinformation amongst ourselves.
What's happening, what the patternsare, what the patterns of behavior are.
It is just allowing each and everyperson to in the community interact
with each other with that knowledge.
Now, I know I've used a lot of, uh,someone and something and this and
(25:42):
that, and it's a very vague and elusive.
That's because I don't want anyonein particular to be called out.
I just want to use thisexample of a situation in.
The energetic exchange of howgossip can one be powerful and can
actually support and build community
while at the same time it can bedestructive and it can exhaust our energy.
(26:06):
So being careful about how you engagewith it and then knowing that the
ultimate goal is to be compassionate.
I know this person.
Who is engaging in behavior, I wouldn'tnecessarily do myself or would want
to put myself, um, in connection with.
(26:27):
I know that they themselves are goingthrough really hard things and healing
and on their healing journey as well,and so we all choose to do things.
Because we are hoping to get a need met.
She's engaging with that behaviorbecause she's hoping it will
meet a need that she has.
(26:47):
Um.
It may ultimately end up costing hermore relationships, and that's something
that she will have to be aware ofand will have to work through on her
own, or she'll blame us, other peoplein the community for not connecting
with her or having relationship withher, when really we are just choosing
to stay out of those patterns forourselves, for our own protection, and
(27:12):
that for every person I engage with.
No matter what they do or howthey do it, I hope and support
and want the best for them.
And I think that that's part of thesetting the ego aside or going through a
difficult conflict can be an egoic deathin allowing some part of our ego to.
(27:36):
Be crushed and destroyed sometimespainfully so, so that we can
evolve and grow and move on.
And I hope that this situation,as uncomfortable as it is, can
allow an opportunity for allof us as a community to grow.
And I hope that the personwho feels alienated can.
(28:00):
Feel comfortable enough again, some atsome point to return back to the community
and know that they're welcomed and loved.
Oh.
So I don't know if that tiesinto anything that you have
experiencing from wherever you are.
Or if you, um, have had situationslike that come up, I would
(28:22):
love to hear your stories.
If you have a particular situationin which a family or, um, community
groups that you're a part of have hadcertain conflict that you thought were
very tricky or you weren't sure how tonavigate it, or you were part of the.
Part of the conflict or you were kindof on the sidelines as I am in this
situation and how you handle that.
(28:44):
So please write in your stories to me.
I would love to hear them.
You can find me on social media.
I'm uh, Instagram at Prism Healing.
I am, you can message me on my website,prism healing.com, or on Facebook,
Courtney Pearl's Prism Healing.
(29:05):
And those are great spaces toget connected with me, and I love
hearing stories from a listeneror questions from a listener.
If you'd like to be featured in afuture episode as we get ready to
finish this episode, I hope thatsome of this has helped you today and
helps you to be more aware and more.
(29:25):
Understanding of your energy levelsand how to be protective of those.
I would like to give special thanksto Jess Blaine at Ride The Wave Media
for producing this and every one of mypodcasts and doing all of the hard work
of putting it all on our own YouTubechannel so that both practically Magick
the podcast and Ride the Wave Media andan all their network of podcasts can be
(29:50):
built into the empire that it will become.
And empire is probably not the rightword, but I feel like it's becoming
a great community of its own.
I would like to thank Sarah atSunshine Community because she
facilitates and navigates these trickysituations we've discussed today
(30:11):
very well and very gracefully, and Isuper duper appreciate her for that.
She's a Magickal person in and of herself.
So if you don't know SarahAlbert at Sunshine Community.
You can become a part ofthat community as well.
Um, let's see what else.
Alright, I have a coupleof announcements coming up.
(30:31):
If you are local in daybreak or thesurrounding areas of daybreak, I
have my body, my dance party thatpractically Magick is hosting at Land
of a Thousand Hills Coffee and Socialhere in Daybreak, right there in
front of novel Crescent Communities.
We are putting on a very.
(30:53):
Kind of small and intimate, but alsolarge enough to be a real true party.
Just Blaine at Ride The WaveMedia is gonna be our DJ and we
are doing that on March 20th.
You can get tickets on my website.
Prism healing.com.
If you go to the events section,you will see all of the classes and
(31:16):
events I have coming up and you canpurchase a ticket to that event.
10% of profits for that for tickets aregoing to be donated to Daybreak Pride.
So if you wanna help supportthe Pride community in daybreak.
Purchase your ticket andplan on coming and dancing.
It is a women and queer folk only event.
(31:37):
So if you are a woman or thosethat support them, you can purchase
a ticket for yourself and come.
We're gonna be dressed in sweats andcomfy clothes, and we are just gonna
dance our hearts out for the wholeevening, and we're celebrating spring.
And if the weather's good, we're gonnaopen the door and have it go outside too.
It's gonna be a blast.
They are already putting together aspecial drinks menu for the event at Land
(32:00):
of a Thousand Hills, so please get yourtickets before they sell out because we
can only sell 80 tickets for this event.
It's gonna be amazing.
I also have some online classes comingup, so if you would like to take my
online Altars and Sacred Spaces classthat I'll be teaching March 23rd.
(32:25):
It is an online class at 11:00AM Mountain Standard Time.
So on a Sunday, we are going tolearn all about creating altars, and
whether that means an official paganaltar for you, or if it just means
how do I connect with creating spacesin my home and in my outdoor spaces
(32:45):
that feel like connecting to self.
Connecting to land, connecting to source.
This is a fantastic class that I've puttogether with a lot of fun resources
and really, really great, um, materials.
So those are a couple ofthings I have coming up.
If you would like to sign up forthose classes, um, please message me
(33:08):
and, uh, look for me on my website.
I think that is all.
The announcements today.
Thank you so much for joining meand I hope to see you next time.
Go make Magick, witches and wizards.
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