September 15, 2024 • 53 mins
How to Disappear and Transform for the Greatest Comeback of You
You can watch this same summary on Youtube: https://youtu.be/PKSwBOnBZAo
Discover the ultimate guide to personal reinvention! Learn how to strategically "disappear," transform yourself using Atomic Habits principles, and make an epic comeback in just 18 months. This video reveals powerful strategies from "How To Disappear Completely" by Doug Richmond, "Atomic Habits" by James Clear, and "Reinventing Your Life" by Jeffrey E. Young and Janet S. Klosko.
You'll learn:
- How to erase your digital footprint and exit the competitive landscape
- The psychology of privacy and building resilience
- Transforming yourself in the shadows using identity-based habits
- Overcoming lifetraps and rewriting your life story
- Developing emotional intelligence and fostering healthier relationships
Whether you're feeling stuck, seeking a fresh start, or aiming for a total life overhaul, this guide provides actionable strategies to help you disappear, transform, and make the greatest comeback of your life. Embrace the power of small, consistent changes and watch as they compound into remarkable results over 12 to 18 months.
#selfimprovement #productivity #transformation #disappear
00:00 - Quick Summary
00:00 - Introduction
Part 1 :How To Disappear
- Understand the Empirical Self by William James
- Productivity during Covid Lock Downs
- Energy Drained by People than Actions
- Erase all Clues from the Scene
- Exit from Competitive Digital Landscape
- Understand the Psychology of Privacy
- Building Resilience and Adaptability
Part 2 :Transform Yourself in Shadows
- Don’t Have to Chase Success
- Unfollow from You Passion
- Must Understand Your Lifetraps
- The Power of Self-Awareness
- Rewriting Your Life Story
- The Power of Marginal Gains
- Identity-Based Habits
Part 3 :Reinventing Your Life
- Rewriting Your Life Story
- Changing Behavioural Patterns
- Building Emotional Intelligence
- Fostering Healthier Relationships
- Embracing Continuous Growth
- Keep the Furnace of Insult
- Don’t Take Awards and Appraisals to Heart
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(01:00:00):
How to disappear and transform yourself?
So what would you do
if your profile picture
in Whatsapp or Facebook anywhere?
It's not good.
It's easy.
We'll simply delete that one.
You create a new one in background
while nobody is knowing about it.
Then you upload it.
(01:00:21):
Then everybody will tell yes. Very nice.
Why we are not doing
that for our life profile?
We live in the same
profile day in and day out
and we somehow feel
like we cannot change it.
So like our WhatsApp profile,
we are going to do it in three steps.
First one, to disappear.
Based on the book, How to Disappear?
(01:00:42):
Let's have a quick look
at each of the contents
we are going to discuss there.
We'll understand the empirical self
like we as a
combination of multiple self,
as mentioned by William James.
And we'll mention why
we are so productive
during the COVID lockdowns
where we were
disappeared from everywhere else.
(01:01:05):
And we look at the energy level.
How much energy you
are spending on actions
compared to managing
yourself in front of others?
Or in another way, how
much energy is drained
by people around you?
So how you can erase all the clues
like if you've seen a
detective movie and all,
you erase all the
(01:01:26):
clues about you like that.
How you can erase all
the clues of your old self
and how you can completely exit
and disappear from the digital landscape.
We look at also the psychology of privacy
and how to understand the
resilience and adaptability.
Step two, that's based on
(01:01:47):
Atomic habits by James Clear.
So you don't have to chase success.
We'll look at that.
Instead, let the success come to you.
You don't have to follow your passion,
can unfollow your passion.
And we look at the life traps,
how it is affecting us and all.
And the power of self-awareness
(01:02:08):
and how we can write or
rewrite our life story.
You will understand
about the marginal gains,
the compounding gains,
like one percentage every day,
how much it can compound and all.
And we'll also look at
the identity-based habits.
So that way, you can
(01:02:28):
transform in the shadows
after you disappear.
Step three, reinventing your life.
So how to change your lifestyle,
how to change your behavioral patterns,
how to improve your
emotional intelligence.
We look at those topics there.
And we will also look at fostering the
(01:02:49):
healthier relationship
and also take out all the unnecessary
relationship around you.
So only the healthier relationship,
how we can keep it.
We'll talk about that.
Also how we can
embrace the continuous growth
and how you can use insult
as a fuel in your furnace.
(01:03:11):
And lastly, don't
take awards to your heart
because if you are able to
take praise to your heart,
then the insult also
will come to your heart.
So take it outside
and take it as two
sides of the same coin.
(01:03:33):
In today's hyper-connected world,
you're always come across people who give
us insult and excruciating pain.
The people who are
more powerful than you,
labeled as more smart and talented.
They'll try to pull
you down, push you away.
We are trapped in a
life of relentless cycles,
seeking validation
and chasing for success.
(01:03:54):
We feel insecure,
faced with life
choices outside our control
and hopeless to dream
and even pray for it.
The more we try to prove ourselves,
the more we face ridicule
and life's harsh politics.
We become 24 by 7 machines.
Our finish line for success is always
stretching like a mirage.
This perpetual loop never ends.
(01:04:15):
What if there is another way?
Yes, imagine you unplugging yourself,
unfollowing your passions,
ignoring external
validation and approval,
ignoring the judgments of people,
just disappearing from
those people who hold you back,
who are just abusing you and hurting you,
disappearing from them and
then come back as a new person.
(01:04:37):
So for that, confidence is not what you
need to start for success.
That's what you need it towards the end.
Instead, you need courage to transform.
You need the right
environment to grow yourself.
You don't have to chase
what you want in life.
Let it come to you.
Don't seek others'
approval or fear the ridicule.
You are not in the mercy of
society's court to be judged.
(01:04:58):
You are not a culprit
in the society's court.
Instead, you should fight
against this case in shadows
by transforming and changing yourself
against their judgment.
This transformation is
possible through three steps,
the art of disappearing, the first one.
Transforming yourself in the shadows and
reappearing with a newfound power.
(01:05:18):
The third step.
By following this process,
you can break free
from others' expectations
and emerge as a new version of yourself
that leaves even your critics and most
haunting enemies in wonder and awe.
But life is short.
Don't let society's
script dictate your story.
It's time to unplug, transform and
rewrite your own narrative.
(01:05:40):
Let's get started.
So, we will go into the
details of the three steps now.
So, if you find this
conversation little more slow,
try to consider increasing
the speed in your YouTube.
So, part 1.
Disappearing yourself.
We will understand the empirical self
from the father of modern
psychology, William James.
(01:06:02):
William James tried to mention as our
identity as a
combination of multiple people.
So, I think we all
know ourselves like that.
So, we will have different
identities in different places.
But to go more into the theory,
William James mentioned as three self.
First one is material self,
(01:06:25):
which means we are materialistically
attached to something.
For example, this is my pet.
This is my microphone.
Like that you will have your
own, your office, your pet.
Lot of such things.
So, material self.
So, we are attaching our self to an
object materialistically.
(01:06:46):
Another one is social self.
Social self means like
in social representation,
like in front of a family,
you are in a different self now.
It is not hypocrisy.
It is somehow we are
adapting to the situation.
So, in front of in the
(01:07:06):
office, in front of your colleagues,
you will be some version of that.
It will not be same as where you are
playing to your kids or something.
Same way, lot of social representation
will have social self.
In front of the community, society will
have different identities and all.
(01:07:28):
And the third one,
William James is mentioning,
that is the spiritual self.
That's more getting to be
inside your consciousness,
your awareness, your
understanding, your values.
Somehow, lot of things what you consider
yourself as your
(01:07:50):
thoughts and such things.
So, actually William James conclude that
three selves in a final part as I and me.
I is more subjective and
me is more materialistic.
That's how it is.
So, the point what we
are trying to make here,
is that we should
(01:08:10):
understand this three self at least,
if you are planning to disappear,
transform and come back.
We will come to that.
So, the productivity
during COVID lockdown.
COVID was somehow I think,
if I look back at
something was totally unexpected.
(01:08:32):
I think from my side, I'm telling.
I was not expecting that world could be
switched off just like that.
Just a small particle or small
microscopic virus can just disrupt or
make silent the whole thing,
even the highways to the whole economy.
So, the point what I'm trying to make,
(01:08:55):
if I look back from my side,
personally, I would tell COVID-19 that
lockdown period where we
were inside our homes and all.
Those was the most productive period.
When we reflect on that, I would think,
I'll try to go back to
(01:09:15):
William James singing.
So, materialistic self of me at that time
was actually
meaningless at that point in time.
My car, my phone, all of that was
meaningless somehow in
front of those virus.
And social self was
actually one way it was threatened,
(01:09:38):
but it was not threatened
in front of the society.
It was threatened for a future only.
Like for example, we were all inside, we
were not exposed to
the society or something.
We were all inside our homes and all.
We are not posting much in social media,
we are not going anywhere.
So, our social self, even people think
(01:10:00):
that they have to go
to doctors every time,
they have to go to this and that, but
actually, COVID-19 learned us
that it is not all essential.
Even without going to doctor, you can
stay in your home healthy
for three months at least.
That's the point.
So, what we are trying to tell here,
social self was
completely disappeared that time.
(01:10:22):
And material self, that truth and
meaningless was understood.
Then, coming to the spiritual self of
that, it was actually enlightened.
It actually gave us lot of learning to
tell that life is that much fragile,
that fragility amplification we try to
(01:10:43):
understand from there.
So, that actually gave us reflection
that, okay, we should
expect either unexpected.
We should make use of your time to make
sure and prepare for the unexpected.
So, all those things and also disrupting
(01:11:04):
or non-disruption of our social self and
all such things actually
increase the productivity.
So, coming back to our topic.
So, if you want to disappear and come
back, actually, that disappearing from
yourself, that social self,
in as much of your surrounding, that is
(01:11:24):
actually going to
make you more productive
and it will help you to transform
yourself, so you can become a new person.
So, the energy drained
by the people around you.
So, energy is what we needed, like we
feel tired and all, right?
So, when we are surrounded by some
(01:11:45):
people, we have become very much tired.
So, imagine you go to a college meetup or
you go to a family function, maybe you
are not doing anything.
You just go there and sit on the
auditorium in a seat and then you eat
something, you come back.
You will be more tired than you have
(01:12:07):
played, maybe a football game on the
field or just cricket,
whatever I am just telling to you.
So, more than a physical effort, there
are some energy vampires, people, people
are some people in with them,
their interaction, our self with them,
they will take too much of energy.
(01:12:29):
And in front of them,
actually, emotions are contagious.
So, when somebody is having a smile, it
will get contagious, it will get infected
to the same way, that
negativity also is contagious.
So, it will be somehow dopamine depleted
and also some people
actually cross the boundaries.
(01:12:50):
They try to teach people to show that
they are better than
themself and such things.
So, the point I am trying to make again
here that be beware of people who are
capable to drain your energy.
So, again coming back to our point, if
you disappearing from them or stay away
(01:13:13):
from them, you can conserve that energy.
So, erasing all the clues, so you are
going to make a new person of you, right?
So, for sure, you have to
wipe out all the old one.
So, how to do it?
So, for example, you want to become a new
person in your office, new
(01:13:33):
person in your family like that.
So, you cannot just make it instantly,
that's not possible.
You have to make a gradual shift which
actually is affecting based on the
internal and external.
What you think inside has to be changed.
Albert Einstein famously told that you
(01:13:56):
cannot solve the problem with the same
level of thinking that
would have created it.
So, when you disappearing something, you
have to make sure that all of
your past way of behaviorism,
the actions, the thinking patterns and
the people who expect from you, those
(01:14:19):
things you have to change slowly.
So, every action, maybe it is good that
people don't identify it, but for after a
long time, they will see
that you are a new person.
They will think that a
big change happened to you.
That's the magic of
marginal gains or atomic habit.
(01:14:40):
We will come to that in the section 2,
but that's how it is.
So, erase all the clues of you, whatever
is surrounding you on the all part of it,
that will enable you to create something
new or in another way, clear your slate
or clear the crimes of
(01:15:01):
you around the world.
Or you can take it any other way.
So, I am trying to give a point that just
erase your old you and make a new you.
So, exiting from the competitive
landscape, actually that's a big threat.
You are already defined your social
(01:15:23):
identity, your materialistic identity,
lot of things as a profile, for example.
It is already in front of some people and
people are attacking that one.
So, there is a competition happening. Why
they are attacking you?
There could be multiple reasons.
Mainly, maybe they are jealous at you or
(01:15:45):
they don't feel competitive like you,
they don't feel such as inside you.
So, they try to put you down, so that way
they will feel that
they are better than you.
Lot of such
psychological aspects may be there.
But the point is that, when you are not
in the competition, they
cannot compete with you.
(01:16:06):
Correct.
So, exit from that competitive landscape.
You are not in the competition anymore
with the people who is
hurting you, who is insulting you,
who are there to hunt
you or put you down.
Exit from that competitive landscape.
That actually give you lot of benefits.
(01:16:28):
First of all, they will
not get you to attack you.
That's one part.
Second thing, that will create a vacuum.
So, that vacuum will enable you to create
something new out of it.
Because when we are too much busy, that's
what Covid-19 also telling them.
When we are too much busy, we
(01:16:49):
will not get that bandwidth.
But instead, that solitude, that boredom,
that nothingness, actually creates
something new out of it.
So, that's the seed
of creating something.
So, you have to escape that social media
landscape of competition,
(01:17:10):
which I would tell you like for example,
you are posting something about you in
Facebook or Twitter or anywhere.
Actually, one of the intention or
motivation of doing that is that,
you are trying to show somebody that you
are here enjoying this.
You will not see people crying in the
(01:17:33):
Facebook or something.
You will only see the good
things, the great things.
All of all the people like that.
So, all that great things, okay, they get
something big that's there.
You will not see them, they are crying.
Maybe they have 23 hours, they are crying
maybe, only on that 2-3 minutes,
putting in the social media or maybe some
(01:17:55):
hours, they are happy.
So, the point is that, you can try to
avoid using social
media, that's one part.
You don't have to post social media.
That way, your identity
will not be disclosed.
Such things.
Also, sometimes we feel that fear of
missing out and for example,
(01:18:17):
when you are trying to exit a WhatsApp
group, you will feel that, okay, I am
going to lose something.
Okay, there are some
infected relatives or something.
Maybe you are trying to keep them, even
though you know that
they are infectious and all,
you are keeping them because you think
that without them, I am not complete.
Same to friends or a lot of people,
(01:18:38):
colleagues, co-workers, everything.
Instead, if you try to erase yourself,
disappearing yourself like that,
actually, it is possible
and it will not create
anything less for you.
You are you as a complete anyway, what
you create as your
(01:18:58):
identity only will change.
For example, say you are surrounded by
maybe a 20 or 30 relatives or something.
Because your vision, the total area of
thinking, it is all
around that 20 people.
Instead, you increase your perspective.
(01:19:21):
You think that, okay, the whole city is
my people or whole continent is my people
or whole world is my friends and all.
Then, two, three people around there,
they are negligible.
You can just leave them like that.
That's the idea.
But that doesn't mean that you have to
(01:19:41):
underestimate the value of a person or
relationship or anything.
It all matters that how it is impacting
you to make your version of it.
So, if there is somebody who is
supporting you and all that, you should
respect and keep such a relationship.
I am talking about only the
other side of the spectrum.
And now, we come across
(01:20:02):
psychology of privacy.
Privacy, maybe it's an interesting term
because we usually see it in social media
and all the such things and all.
So, it actually doesn't
mean hiding information.
That is applicable maybe to
the app companies and all.
But another way, privacy is that how much
(01:20:23):
information or the control of information
you want to have the
other person know about you.
That is privacy.
Like for example, I am
having a lot of things here.
And maybe I am spending
24 hours in this room.
But I am only sharing this particular
YouTube video with you because that is
(01:20:45):
the privacy I am sharing with you.
Same way just to give
you an understanding.
So, that's the privacy of that.
There is a psychology of privacy.
The point here is that you should be
psychologically vigilant how much
information you want to share about you.
How much of your financial information
you want to share with
(01:21:06):
your family or your friends.
How much of your vulnerabilities you want
to share with your colleagues.
Lot of such things.
So, that is also important.
Even you believe the competitive
landscape, you erase
your old clues and all.
You also have to make sure what is
currently happening.
(01:21:27):
You make a control of that.
You may control what you are doing.
You don't have to tell everything what
you are doing to everybody.
Maybe you have dreams for next 3 years or
5 years or something.
You can keep yourself.
That is privacy.
And that psychology of privacy is
actually protected because then your
(01:21:48):
plans are only known to you and the God.
Nobody can judge on it.
Nobody can belittle it.
Nobody can destroy it also.
So, once you achieve that.
Okay, they will see,
okay, he achieved it.
But they don't know what
you are doing in the shadows.
So, use that.
So, final one about disappearing part.
(01:22:09):
It is building
resilience and adaptability.
That's important.
Because more than anything, if you have a
talent, if you have aptitude, lot of
things, knowledge, all these things.
I think one of the greatest skills any
person can have in any situation, even in
(01:22:30):
the family environment or in the office
environment or anywhere.
I would tell that is adaptability.
If this person has
adaptability, maybe he has lack skills.
He can still engage that
skill if he is adaptable.
But suppose it is opposite.
He has lot of skills, but he is not able
(01:22:51):
to adapt to that situation.
Adapt to the new office, adapt to the new
challenges, adapt to the new world.
Then they cannot survive.
This is also, it has a bigger dimension.
It is not only applicable to a person, an
institution, a group, lot of things, even
you see Nokia, Blackberry, even big
(01:23:12):
innovations, lot of such entities.
Actually adaptability is what failed.
So to make you successful, to make you
disappear properly and transform
yourself, you should be resilient enough
to stay independent or you stand in your
(01:23:32):
own legs and also you
adapt to that new situation.
That's the greatest skill you can have.
So part two, transforming yourself in
shadows. It's based on
atomic habits and all.
So the point here is that first one, you
don't have to chase success. You don't
have to hunt for success.
(01:23:55):
And it is actually from Victor Frankle in
the Man's Search for Meaning, he told
that the more you try to search, it will
go away and away from you.
And I think one of the most interesting
insights in that aspect I would tell is
from Jalal Din Rumi.
He was telling that when I tried to wait
for something or tried to go for
(01:24:15):
something to get that,
that's the first one.
Like if I chase for what I need, I'll be
stressed in anxieties and
with trust of foreigners.
Like you feel like you have the heat,
you're tired and exhausted and all.
But instead, if I wait for my own, what I
need will come to me.
(01:24:35):
So actually, myself, the me, the I inside
me already know what I want and the
universe also want what I want.
The only disruption what is happening or
what is between you and success is
actually the you which is hunting.
That is actually making that signal
(01:24:56):
un-sync. So that's where there is no
communication happening
between the universe and you.
Instead, you just focus on the systems
and habits. That's what
James Clear book is more about.
Rather than focusing on goals, focus on
the systems and habits, that will make
(01:25:17):
you a new version of you.
So you have to somehow consider as like
challenges as opportunities for learning.
Like suppose somebody insulted you
telling that you're not good enough that
actually those people
who are degrading you,
(01:25:38):
they are the best people or you should
credit your success to those people
because they're going
to give you two things.
First of all, they're going to give you a
reflection which you are missing, which
is an opportunity to look into you or put
the telescope into
you, whether I have that.
Second thing, they're going to give you a
(01:26:00):
motivation to change
that or improve that one.
So in both scenarios, maybe you will have
a short term feeling of bad or something,
but that feeling if
you've taken to your furnace,
what Jalal Dhanurumi was telling, but
instead of running the furnace for
success, use that as a fuel to improve
(01:26:22):
yourself in shadows.
That's the most interesting thing. So
consider trying to improve your process.
Try to make something one percentage
better every day. So that
will get compounded and all.
So focus on that process improvement and
take challenges as an opportunity center
and change this also as a new thing.
(01:26:44):
Every change or every small change will
actually take you next step forward.
Amur Fati. You should try to just bless
or just to accept that fate, what is
happening to you
already. That is a good for me.
(01:27:05):
That's what Fredek Nishi Amur Fati is
talking about and all.
So next one is unfollowing your passion
in the transformation process.
So the point is that we all learn from a
lot of people that you
should follow your passion.
But actually that's wrong. Even we
discussed earlier point on the scene.
(01:27:27):
But the point here is that to become
successful, you don't
have to follow your passion.
Following is something same like hunting
for that. Instead, you focus on
increasing your skills
that create confidence.
Confidence is going to breed confidence.
That will give you some recognition. That
(01:27:48):
recognition will fuel
your improvement further.
So somehow rather than following your
passion, following what is the purpose of
that, the real crux of that, that will
help you to improve in that.
And also another thing is that most of
the time we don't
know what we really want.
(01:28:09):
We are following the script of society,
script of someone else. We are thinking,
I want to become someone like that person
or this person like that.
But actually God and Universe could have
a different plan for you.
So if you follow your passion, as I told
before, the frequency of the radio will
not connect. Same way, your perspective
(01:28:29):
or your passion, you will be somewhere in
the life trap limited to something.
So you don't have to follow your passion.
Just follow what you plan for it and work
on it day by day by day. It doesn't
matter when you get in.
Eventually, you will get it.
Now you should understand the life traps.
(01:28:50):
That's our second point.
So the point here is that you as a person
or me as a person, actually it is a
conclusion of lot of events and
happenings and learnings, emotions,
pitfalls, failures,
lots and lots of things.
(01:29:11):
So even like two brothers or twin
brothers who is in the same home, they
would have a different level of
personality inside them because of the
same course of happenings and all.
So what we are trying to understand here
is that life traps, lot of things
(01:29:33):
happening to you like the way you are
spending, the way you are
looking for an opportunity,
the way you behave to a situation. A lot
of things actually have a past. Something
is connected. It may be connected to your
inheritance or it may be connected to
your own childhood and all the learnings
(01:29:54):
in adults and lot of things.
So you should try to understand it and
heal as much as possible. There are
multiple ways of thinking about it.
So healing should be unmet need, under
recognition of that or maybe your
teachers will tell you, your friends
would have considering lot of things.
So maybe you are fat or you are slim or
(01:30:16):
you are beautiful or you are ugly, lot of
variation in any other, any context.
You will have all those incidents and
happens in your world, those create some
life traps. So try to understand what is
your life traps and then that way you can
just remove those life traps in your
(01:30:39):
journey of transformation.
So the power of self-awareness, that's
really important. Coming to understand,
you should be aware of or mindful about
you, how you perceive as you
and how other perceive you.
Both of things, internal and external,
(01:31:02):
that awareness is really important
because you are going
to change that awareness.
So first you should start from inside but
also you should try to see how the
other's awareness is you, how much of
that is flawed, how much of that is
correct. Then you can
try to fix that as well.
Also another part is that there will be
(01:31:22):
lot of biases and lot of emotional
blinds, sports and all.
Because lot of such things like say for
example, I am going to come to in front
of you and then get angry or something.
Maybe there will be lot of automatic
response, like automatic response
happening. Those are
actually emotional blinds sports.
(01:31:45):
So we just react to something without be
aware of it, what is
creating that emotion.
So if you have that awareness, that
mindfulness, it can be
looking in multiple way.
Like first of all, yes, you should be
available for you. Then you could have
(01:32:05):
mindfulness practice, meditation, lot of
things. You should at least or in short,
you should spend some time for yourself.
That will create some awareness. You
should appreciate the you
inside you. That is important.
So rewrite your life story.
So story is for sure it's
(01:32:27):
interesting for everyone else.
But there is some narrative which you
tell about yourself. That actually
creates those identities and all.
So James Clear in his book, Atomic
Habits, he is trying to tell that
identity based habits is more important.
Instead of losing weight, I want to lose
(01:32:48):
weight. Instead, I want to
become a person who is fit.
That is an identity
because you are a fit person.
That is more important or that is more
going to work than the other one. Just
losing weight like that.
So that identity, that rewriting your
things, because that way when you rewrite
(01:33:11):
yourself, your identities and your new
person, you rewrite that.
Every decisions and every choices you
make actually get back
to that same identity.
Then every action will follow that new
you, that new perspective
of you. That's important.
So that's the importance of changing that
(01:33:35):
story which you tell yourself and
ultimately or in another way,
how much you tell to others.
There are lot of situations in your life
you will get a chance to tell about you.
So next time or when you are transforming
in shadows, try to prepare for that
(01:33:57):
storytelling. Try to
prepare that narrative.
What do you want to tell that story? It's
not like verbally telling like that.
For example, somebody is coming to you
and asking for an opinion about a topic
in your office or some
sort of relative or something.
Maybe you will be telling a process
(01:34:18):
perspective in a different way than you
tell it in two years or something.
So that person who is hearing that, he
will try to make a judgment about you.
They are going to
create a narrative about you.
So in body language and all these things,
even though you are not expert in any of
these things, every person will try to
make a narrative of every
(01:34:38):
other person who they meet.
Because that way we are managing that
person. If you remember about your
grandma, you will remember
lot of love and such things.
Or you remember someone about your crook
friend, you will have
some templates like that.
So that's an idea. Or for example, if you
(01:34:59):
imagine about Tom Cruise, he is an action
hero and all these
things, gladiator person.
So that identity, that narrative, because
they told us that story. So we have that
narrative of that celebrities because
they try to tell that story inside the
movie and outside the movie in all the
(01:35:20):
way about them like that.
That's why we are having that
feeling of identity of them.
So the power of marginal gains. Whoever
read the book Atomic Habits, I think
everyone come across this topic of
marginal gains or a
comporting effect and all.
I think one of my friend in YouTube, I
think, escape ordinary channel, they have
(01:35:41):
a wonderful summary about
this atomic habits as well.
That's a very good, lot of people are
viewed also, very
interesting video there.
What I'm trying to tell is that we are
not talking about that level of summary
of the book in another way.
But here James Clear is mentioning one
percentage every day, it will make you
(01:36:01):
thirty seven percentage better over a
course of a year or something.
So that is what the
compounding or marginal gains.
So the point is that you as a current you
is a combination of lot of margin gain,
even though you intended to do or not.
(01:36:23):
You studied lot of things in school, then
you studied lot of things, you failed at
lot of things, you
succeeded in lot of things.
All the small combination is actually
what you are. But maybe you have not
intentionally done that.
But if you intentionally do that, that
will have less pressure and also we can
(01:36:43):
improve the process.
Okay, we are going to go
from this point to that point.
So during the course of that journey, you
can make corrections, you can try to
improve and improve
in the shadows and all.
So that way you will have
that improvement slowly.
This is not only affecting in habits or
(01:37:06):
goals achievement or anything like that.
See what happened to any other parts.
Like averaging, the wonder of averaging
is actually the core of financial
independence and personal freedom.
We have a lot of books in
our channel talking about that.
So one of the interesting investing, it's
not about investing
here, but I'm still telling.
(01:37:28):
Investing is that people always think
that that is trading in stock market.
But actually the real investment is
something about marginal gains.
What you will get it on the long term and
in long term, almost always everybody
wins in stock market or
investment or everything.
On short term only people will fail. So
(01:37:49):
long term everybody will have a growth.
So that somehow that for conclusion of
transforming yourself in shadows, which
is mainly based on identity based habits,
focusing on the systems and habits rather
than goals and also thinking about
comporting effects and marginal gains.
That way you can improve
(01:38:10):
in a short period of time.
Actually people try to underestimate what
they can get it in long term and they
always think that short term they can do
all such things and all.
So instead of focusing on short period,
try to see what you want to achieve in
next three years or something.
Then try to work forward on that towards
(01:38:33):
that. That will be somehow people will
not be able to see the
transformation that's happening.
Gradually you will making that progress.
So success, that enjoyment is not only on
that peak that process
itself you can enjoy that.
So part 3 reinventing yourself. So now
you disappeared, you transform something.
(01:38:53):
But actually it is not step by step. It
is actually happening
in parallel somehow.
You are disappearing from the social
landscape at the same time you are
working in your shadows and same time you
are reinventing yourself.
So first part as we told before it's
about rewriting your story. But coming
again here you have to be more in the
(01:39:15):
reinventing process.
That marketing is more important. You
have to have an empowering narrative. We
will use to tell that.
Fake it and we will make it. We are not
going that way. But the point you can
have two way to confidence.
One way the confidence will show on you.
(01:39:36):
Or other way you can show confidence and
confidence will come to you.
I will make it more clear. For example if
I have this wide this one the I think
that posture and all these things if you
walk like that and all such things that
is a confident posture right.
So what research is telling even though
(01:39:57):
you don't have a confidence if you show
that posture. If you tell yourself I am
the best person this one or that one.
I am the greatest boxer of the world or I
walk like that. I walk like the best
person. I think like the best person.
So that story that narrative you tell to
(01:40:17):
others and you tell to you. That is
actually going to reinvent yourself.
So another one is about changing your
behavioral patterns as we mentioned
before. So now you have a new you now. So
you don't have to behave in the new you.
Behavior that is actually not completely
(01:40:39):
like you are not conscious about that.
Like the behavior for example I am
talking to you. Everything what I am
showing here it is not well scripted like
that. Maybe some is there I am trying to
make it better in front of you but not.
So that way behavior how it is lot of
behavior it's not behavior the way you
(01:41:00):
talk. Like the behavior of bad like bad
behaviors like substance use or alcohol
or lot of such things.
You can avoid such habits and all such
things. So that behaviors how you respond
to that. How you respond to the dopamine
depletion. How you
respond to the board up.
How you respond to an insult. How you
(01:41:22):
respond to an appreciation. We will come
to that later more. So all that thing
that changing that behavioral pattern is
important in reinventing yourself.
Even though you are transformed if you
don't change the behavior as new you then
(01:41:43):
you are not new. You are only
transformed. You have not reinvented.
So we will talk about emotional
intelligence now. So yes other
intelligence is for sure IQ intelligence
question other things but emotional
intelligence is actually your
(01:42:04):
intelligence to understand how the other
person think and behave and also to
understand how you think and behave.
Somehow you are emotionally labeling it
you are trying to reflect on such things
a lot of such things. So emotional
intelligence is actually one of the real
(01:42:25):
thing you should have
in reinventing yourself.
So for example because we are a social
being so how to improve social
intelligence or emotional intelligence.
First of all say you can analyze your
behavior. Say you have such some meetings
concluded or you have some
(01:42:46):
old instant lot of things.
You can try to see what the other
person's problem was that what was making
him doing that same time how you try to
see how you try to control it. But most
of the time you are the someone who you
can control you cannot control the other
person behavior only you can understand
(01:43:06):
that other person behavior and you will
have that intelligence and you can
emotionally adapt to that.
So I'm telling that emotional
intelligence you should try to learn it
in an easy way and a difficult way as
well. There are a lot of way you can
learn it through the process itself for
example you are attending a meeting or
(01:43:27):
something you can analyze
how this person behave and all.
How that body language lot of things even
communication word is only less than 10
percent of that most of the other I'm
communicating with you it is more than
the words. So try to have that emotional
intelligence which is actually a key
criteria for reinventing yourself.
(01:43:50):
So fostering healthier relationship
because in the first part you talk about
disappearing yourself and then exiting or
cleaning your surroundings from people
and all. But for sure there are lot of
healthier relationship you should try to
foster that because you are an average of
(01:44:11):
five people around you for
example and it can be more eyes.
So try to this one way you are trying to
get rid of all that infectious
relationship at the same time what you
have with you try to foster that
relationship but at the same time try to
make sure that they are
(01:44:32):
not crossing that boundaries.
So you define how you foster that
relationship how you want to attend that
relationship how much time you want to
spend that what level those relationship
can go all that is really important.
So in the new you will always because if
(01:44:53):
you see lot of successful people and all
these people you will see you will see
that thing they will be all be always
surrounded by such people.
So Steve Jobs not single handedly created
Apple he was having same way to all any
other person you look at it.
It's a combination even Andrew Carnegie
(01:45:14):
any other person in any context it is not
only on the field of business even you
look at them in the religion even God
knows that that's why if you look at all
that profits and other even everybody
will have that associates and that
mastermind people and all.
So foster that healthier relationship but
(01:45:36):
make sure that that healthier
relationship stay healthy and is not
going to affect you back in a bad way.
It should be you look at it make sure
that it is it is just assisting you in
your journey embracing continuous growth.
So one of the biggest setbacks of the
(01:45:57):
current education system is that it
consider or it make people think that
they know about
something it's actually bad.
That's why I think if you see an irony of
that most successful people you see that
they are dropouts and all one way it
could be many many reason
they could be dropout and all.
But the point I'm trying to make is that
(01:46:19):
you should have a mindset of lifelong
learning even no one alive and no one
going to be born or dead was not able to
get the whole world information and all.
Even in I think in the Quran and all it's
so that we have only given a very little
amount of knowledge.
(01:46:39):
So whatever we know it is
very little knowledge on it.
So you should have
that lifelong learning.
Okay you would have have a degree or
something that should not limit you
thinking that okay I know this such
things I don't know a lot of things
actually that is the recipe for failure.
Instead like we are discussing now we
(01:47:02):
should read books try to understand from
people that is one way to look at it.
A book is actually a miracle in for me
I'm just when I look at it because that
is the very cream of a personal life and
learning he put it there for the future.
So a person would have lived 70 or 80
(01:47:23):
years he put all those learning in a book
so that's the benefit of a book.
So that level of continuous lifelong
learning mindset understand that it's a
continuous process learning is not going
to end until you die.
So it is a lifelong learning process it
is in every part and it's not only on the
reading or watching you can learn from
(01:47:45):
successful people same time you can learn
from the failure people also.
People who fail the companies who fail
the company all such failure the friends
you see around you you see their failing
you can learn from that so that is a
lifelong learning of understanding
reflection and improvement that's
important in your reinventing yourself.
(01:48:07):
Keep the foreigners of insert as we
discussed before insult is a fuel and all
but let us take it little more forward.
So there is two part to look at this
point so if somebody is insulting you you
can forgive them because that is for you
and you should not have to forget that
(01:48:31):
that is for them I'll explain further.
Because if you are not forgiving you are
going to make that pain in a bad way to
you instead if you forgive that you are
leaving that burden from your side and
same time you are not forgetting that
that person insulted you that same time
(01:48:53):
you can prevent that person to insult
again and also that will also allow you
to reinvent yourself so that.
In another way that is the best revenge
you can pay back to that insulting person
to show them the new you.
(01:49:14):
So keep that foreigners of insult that
foreigners always will give you that fuel
because lot of other things you look at
it to not give that much level of things
even in the father of psychology Williams
installed that the appreciation or that
seeking of appreciation is the greatest
(01:49:35):
of any other emotions a person have.
People may be trying to become rich not
to see that they have too much money no
more important thing for them is the fame
and such things people want to become the
celebrities action actors and all these
things that is also same thing they want
(01:49:55):
to have that sense of greatness in front
of the people at all so that greatness
you can come back with
the greatness at all.
So keep that foreigners of insult that is
actually a big fuel to take you.
Wake from the bed and work on something
(01:50:17):
or skip instead of watching Netflix or
something doing something else productive
lot of such things something.
So bad I'm telling Netflix is not bad or
something you should also spend time on
such things but I'm telling this insult
is a great fuel which you can revamp
yours don't take
appraisal to heart the final one.
(01:50:38):
So Bill Gates famously told that success
is a lousy teacher it makes successful
people think that they will not fail.
So the point is that you succeed in
something it doesn't mean that you are
protected from failing you should always
(01:51:00):
think that failure will happen.
So the point here we are trying to make
is that first of all don't take the
appreciation to your heart one point as
we mentioned in the very introduction is
that that will allow you or that will
make you vulnerable to the insults they
(01:51:22):
are giving or the feedback bad feedback
they're giving suppose your boss is
telling okay you've done a great job.
First of all you can accept that but you
don't have to become too much happy about
it because another time the same boss
will tell you that
you've done a very bad thing.
So if you want to cope with that you want
to make up that equilibrium you should
(01:51:43):
not take that to heart.
So also at the same time you can always
think or plan for your failure you have
you can plan for your worst case scenario
if you think that failure is there
instead if you think you're blindly
optimistic you cannot think like that.
So in the reinventing your process you
(01:52:06):
should always have that you should not
take your awards your past success as
something like you are special or unique
always you should think about the both
side of the spectrum and plan for
everything when you're reinventing and
correct your course correct your
procedures your behavior skills habits
lot of things will conclude on that part.
(01:52:29):
Okay I'm disappeared the conclusion is
that disappearing and reinventing
yourself is a profound journey of
self-discovery and growth it require
courage persistence and also a
willingness to
challenge your deepest belief.
(01:52:51):
By following these principles of how to
disappear the first one and then atomic
habits to transform yourself and
reinventing yourself that will embark on
a transformational journey.
I would suggest you watch this video as
well regarding the three steps of
learning that will try to help you to
(01:53:14):
transform yourself in the shadows.
How to disappear and transform yourself?
So what would you do
if your profile picture
in Whatsapp or Facebook anywhere?
It's not good.
It's easy.
We'll simply delete that one.
You create a new one in background
while nobody is knowing about it.
Then you upload it.
(01:00:21):
Then everybody will tell yes. Very nice.
Why we are not doing
that for our life profile?
We live in the same
profile day in and day out
and we somehow feel
like we cannot change it.
So like our WhatsApp profile,
we are going to do it in three steps.
First one, to disappear.
Based on the book, How to Disappear?
(01:00:42):
Let's have a quick look
at each of the contents
we are going to discuss there.
We'll understand the empirical self
like we as a
combination of multiple self,
as mentioned by William James.
And we'll mention why
we are so productive
during the COVID lockdowns
where we were
disappeared from everywhere else.
(01:01:05):
And we look at the energy level.
How much energy you
are spending on actions
compared to managing
yourself in front of others?
Or in another way, how
much energy is drained
by people around you?
So how you can erase all the clues
like if you've seen a
detective movie and all,
you erase all the
(01:01:26):
clues about you like that.
How you can erase all
the clues of your old self
and how you can completely exit
and disappear from the digital landscape.
We look at also the psychology of privacy
and how to understand the
resilience and adaptability.
Step two, that's based on
(01:01:47):
Atomic habits by James Clear.
So you don't have to chase success.
We'll look at that.
Instead, let the success come to you.
You don't have to follow your passion,
can unfollow your passion.
And we look at the life traps,
how it is affecting us and all.
And the power of self-awareness
(01:02:08):
and how we can write or
rewrite our life story.
You will understand
about the marginal gains,
the compounding gains,
like one percentage every day,
how much it can compound and all.
And we'll also look at
the identity-based habits.
So that way, you can
(01:02:28):
transform in the shadows
after you disappear.
Step three, reinventing your life.
So how to change your lifestyle,
how to change your behavioral patterns,
how to improve your
emotional intelligence.
We look at those topics there.
And we will also look at fostering the
(01:02:49):
healthier relationship
and also take out all the unnecessary
relationship around you.
So only the healthier relationship,
how we can keep it.
We'll talk about that.
Also how we can
embrace the continuous growth
and how you can use insult
as a fuel in your furnace.
(01:03:11):
And lastly, don't
take awards to your heart
because if you are able to
take praise to your heart,
then the insult also
will come to your heart.
So take it outside
and take it as two
sides of the same coin.
(01:03:33):
In today's hyper-connected world,
you're always come across people who give
us insult and excruciating pain.
The people who are
more powerful than you,
labeled as more smart and talented.
They'll try to pull
you down, push you away.
We are trapped in a
life of relentless cycles,
seeking validation
and chasing for success.
(01:03:54):
We feel insecure,
faced with life
choices outside our control
and hopeless to dream
and even pray for it.
The more we try to prove ourselves,
the more we face ridicule
and life's harsh politics.
We become 24 by 7 machines.
Our finish line for success is always
stretching like a mirage.
This perpetual loop never ends.
(01:04:15):
What if there is another way?
Yes, imagine you unplugging yourself,
unfollowing your passions,
ignoring external
validation and approval,
ignoring the judgments of people,
just disappearing from
those people who hold you back,
who are just abusing you and hurting you,
disappearing from them and
then come back as a new person.
(01:04:37):
So for that, confidence is not what you
need to start for success.
That's what you need it towards the end.
Instead, you need courage to transform.
You need the right
environment to grow yourself.
You don't have to chase
what you want in life.
Let it come to you.
Don't seek others'
approval or fear the ridicule.
You are not in the mercy of
society's court to be judged.
(01:04:58):
You are not a culprit
in the society's court.
Instead, you should fight
against this case in shadows
by transforming and changing yourself
against their judgment.
This transformation is
possible through three steps,
the art of disappearing, the first one.
Transforming yourself in the shadows and
reappearing with a newfound power.
(01:05:18):
The third step.
By following this process,
you can break free
from others' expectations
and emerge as a new version of yourself
that leaves even your critics and most
haunting enemies in wonder and awe.
But life is short.
Don't let society's
script dictate your story.
It's time to unplug, transform and
rewrite your own narrative.
(01:05:40):
Let's get started.
So, we will go into the
details of the three steps now.
So, if you find this
conversation little more slow,
try to consider increasing
the speed in your YouTube.
So, part 1.
Disappearing yourself.
We will understand the empirical self
from the father of modern
psychology, William James.
(01:06:02):
William James tried to mention as our
identity as a
combination of multiple people.
So, I think we all
know ourselves like that.
So, we will have different
identities in different places.
But to go more into the theory,
William James mentioned as three self.
First one is material self,
(01:06:25):
which means we are materialistically
attached to something.
For example, this is my pet.
This is my microphone.
Like that you will have your
own, your office, your pet.
Lot of such things.
So, material self.
So, we are attaching our self to an
object materialistically.
(01:06:46):
Another one is social self.
Social self means like
in social representation,
like in front of a family,
you are in a different self now.
It is not hypocrisy.
It is somehow we are
adapting to the situation.
So, in front of in the
(01:07:06):
office, in front of your colleagues,
you will be some version of that.
It will not be same as where you are
playing to your kids or something.
Same way, lot of social representation
will have social self.
In front of the community, society will
have different identities and all.
(01:07:28):
And the third one,
William James is mentioning,
that is the spiritual self.
That's more getting to be
inside your consciousness,
your awareness, your
understanding, your values.
Somehow, lot of things what you consider
yourself as your
(01:07:50):
thoughts and such things.
So, actually William James conclude that
three selves in a final part as I and me.
I is more subjective and
me is more materialistic.
That's how it is.
So, the point what we
are trying to make here,
is that we should
(01:08:10):
understand this three self at least,
if you are planning to disappear,
transform and come back.
We will come to that.
So, the productivity
during COVID lockdown.
COVID was somehow I think,
if I look back at
something was totally unexpected.
(01:08:32):
I think from my side, I'm telling.
I was not expecting that world could be
switched off just like that.
Just a small particle or small
microscopic virus can just disrupt or
make silent the whole thing,
even the highways to the whole economy.
So, the point what I'm trying to make,
(01:08:55):
if I look back from my side,
personally, I would tell COVID-19 that
lockdown period where we
were inside our homes and all.
Those was the most productive period.
When we reflect on that, I would think,
I'll try to go back to
(01:09:15):
William James singing.
So, materialistic self of me at that time
was actually
meaningless at that point in time.
My car, my phone, all of that was
meaningless somehow in
front of those virus.
And social self was
actually one way it was threatened,
(01:09:38):
but it was not threatened
in front of the society.
It was threatened for a future only.
Like for example, we were all inside, we
were not exposed to
the society or something.
We were all inside our homes and all.
We are not posting much in social media,
we are not going anywhere.
So, our social self, even people think
(01:10:00):
that they have to go
to doctors every time,
they have to go to this and that, but
actually, COVID-19 learned us
that it is not all essential.
Even without going to doctor, you can
stay in your home healthy
for three months at least.
That's the point.
So, what we are trying to tell here,
social self was
completely disappeared that time.
(01:10:22):
And material self, that truth and
meaningless was understood.
Then, coming to the spiritual self of
that, it was actually enlightened.
It actually gave us lot of learning to
tell that life is that much fragile,
that fragility amplification we try to
(01:10:43):
understand from there.
So, that actually gave us reflection
that, okay, we should
expect either unexpected.
We should make use of your time to make
sure and prepare for the unexpected.
So, all those things and also disrupting
(01:11:04):
or non-disruption of our social self and
all such things actually
increase the productivity.
So, coming back to our topic.
So, if you want to disappear and come
back, actually, that disappearing from
yourself, that social self,
in as much of your surrounding, that is
(01:11:24):
actually going to
make you more productive
and it will help you to transform
yourself, so you can become a new person.
So, the energy drained
by the people around you.
So, energy is what we needed, like we
feel tired and all, right?
So, when we are surrounded by some
(01:11:45):
people, we have become very much tired.
So, imagine you go to a college meetup or
you go to a family function, maybe you
are not doing anything.
You just go there and sit on the
auditorium in a seat and then you eat
something, you come back.
You will be more tired than you have
(01:12:07):
played, maybe a football game on the
field or just cricket,
whatever I am just telling to you.
So, more than a physical effort, there
are some energy vampires, people, people
are some people in with them,
their interaction, our self with them,
they will take too much of energy.
(01:12:29):
And in front of them,
actually, emotions are contagious.
So, when somebody is having a smile, it
will get contagious, it will get infected
to the same way, that
negativity also is contagious.
So, it will be somehow dopamine depleted
and also some people
actually cross the boundaries.
(01:12:50):
They try to teach people to show that
they are better than
themself and such things.
So, the point I am trying to make again
here that be beware of people who are
capable to drain your energy.
So, again coming back to our point, if
you disappearing from them or stay away
(01:13:13):
from them, you can conserve that energy.
So, erasing all the clues, so you are
going to make a new person of you, right?
So, for sure, you have to
wipe out all the old one.
So, how to do it?
So, for example, you want to become a new
person in your office, new
(01:13:33):
person in your family like that.
So, you cannot just make it instantly,
that's not possible.
You have to make a gradual shift which
actually is affecting based on the
internal and external.
What you think inside has to be changed.
Albert Einstein famously told that you
(01:13:56):
cannot solve the problem with the same
level of thinking that
would have created it.
So, when you disappearing something, you
have to make sure that all of
your past way of behaviorism,
the actions, the thinking patterns and
the people who expect from you, those
(01:14:19):
things you have to change slowly.
So, every action, maybe it is good that
people don't identify it, but for after a
long time, they will see
that you are a new person.
They will think that a
big change happened to you.
That's the magic of
marginal gains or atomic habit.
(01:14:40):
We will come to that in the section 2,
but that's how it is.
So, erase all the clues of you, whatever
is surrounding you on the all part of it,
that will enable you to create something
new or in another way, clear your slate
or clear the crimes of
(01:15:01):
you around the world.
Or you can take it any other way.
So, I am trying to give a point that just
erase your old you and make a new you.
So, exiting from the competitive
landscape, actually that's a big threat.
You are already defined your social
(01:15:23):
identity, your materialistic identity,
lot of things as a profile, for example.
It is already in front of some people and
people are attacking that one.
So, there is a competition happening. Why
they are attacking you?
There could be multiple reasons.
Mainly, maybe they are jealous at you or
(01:15:45):
they don't feel competitive like you,
they don't feel such as inside you.
So, they try to put you down, so that way
they will feel that
they are better than you.
Lot of such
psychological aspects may be there.
But the point is that, when you are not
in the competition, they
cannot compete with you.
(01:16:06):
Correct.
So, exit from that competitive landscape.
You are not in the competition anymore
with the people who is
hurting you, who is insulting you,
who are there to hunt
you or put you down.
Exit from that competitive landscape.
That actually give you lot of benefits.
(01:16:28):
First of all, they will
not get you to attack you.
That's one part.
Second thing, that will create a vacuum.
So, that vacuum will enable you to create
something new out of it.
Because when we are too much busy, that's
what Covid-19 also telling them.
When we are too much busy, we
(01:16:49):
will not get that bandwidth.
But instead, that solitude, that boredom,
that nothingness, actually creates
something new out of it.
So, that's the seed
of creating something.
So, you have to escape that social media
landscape of competition,
(01:17:10):
which I would tell you like for example,
you are posting something about you in
Facebook or Twitter or anywhere.
Actually, one of the intention or
motivation of doing that is that,
you are trying to show somebody that you
are here enjoying this.
You will not see people crying in the
(01:17:33):
Facebook or something.
You will only see the good
things, the great things.
All of all the people like that.
So, all that great things, okay, they get
something big that's there.
You will not see them, they are crying.
Maybe they have 23 hours, they are crying
maybe, only on that 2-3 minutes,
putting in the social media or maybe some
(01:17:55):
hours, they are happy.
So, the point is that, you can try to
avoid using social
media, that's one part.
You don't have to post social media.
That way, your identity
will not be disclosed.
Such things.
Also, sometimes we feel that fear of
missing out and for example,
(01:18:17):
when you are trying to exit a WhatsApp
group, you will feel that, okay, I am
going to lose something.
Okay, there are some
infected relatives or something.
Maybe you are trying to keep them, even
though you know that
they are infectious and all,
you are keeping them because you think
that without them, I am not complete.
Same to friends or a lot of people,
(01:18:38):
colleagues, co-workers, everything.
Instead, if you try to erase yourself,
disappearing yourself like that,
actually, it is possible
and it will not create
anything less for you.
You are you as a complete anyway, what
you create as your
(01:18:58):
identity only will change.
For example, say you are surrounded by
maybe a 20 or 30 relatives or something.
Because your vision, the total area of
thinking, it is all
around that 20 people.
Instead, you increase your perspective.
(01:19:21):
You think that, okay, the whole city is
my people or whole continent is my people
or whole world is my friends and all.
Then, two, three people around there,
they are negligible.
You can just leave them like that.
That's the idea.
But that doesn't mean that you have to
(01:19:41):
underestimate the value of a person or
relationship or anything.
It all matters that how it is impacting
you to make your version of it.
So, if there is somebody who is
supporting you and all that, you should
respect and keep such a relationship.
I am talking about only the
other side of the spectrum.
And now, we come across
(01:20:02):
psychology of privacy.
Privacy, maybe it's an interesting term
because we usually see it in social media
and all the such things and all.
So, it actually doesn't
mean hiding information.
That is applicable maybe to
the app companies and all.
But another way, privacy is that how much
(01:20:23):
information or the control of information
you want to have the
other person know about you.
That is privacy.
Like for example, I am
having a lot of things here.
And maybe I am spending
24 hours in this room.
But I am only sharing this particular
YouTube video with you because that is
(01:20:45):
the privacy I am sharing with you.
Same way just to give
you an understanding.
So, that's the privacy of that.
There is a psychology of privacy.
The point here is that you should be
psychologically vigilant how much
information you want to share about you.
How much of your financial information
you want to share with
(01:21:06):
your family or your friends.
How much of your vulnerabilities you want
to share with your colleagues.
Lot of such things.
So, that is also important.
Even you believe the competitive
landscape, you erase
your old clues and all.
You also have to make sure what is
currently happening.
(01:21:27):
You make a control of that.
You may control what you are doing.
You don't have to tell everything what
you are doing to everybody.
Maybe you have dreams for next 3 years or
5 years or something.
You can keep yourself.
That is privacy.
And that psychology of privacy is
actually protected because then your
(01:21:48):
plans are only known to you and the God.
Nobody can judge on it.
Nobody can belittle it.
Nobody can destroy it also.
So, once you achieve that.
Okay, they will see,
okay, he achieved it.
But they don't know what
you are doing in the shadows.
So, use that.
So, final one about disappearing part.
(01:22:09):
It is building
resilience and adaptability.
That's important.
Because more than anything, if you have a
talent, if you have aptitude, lot of
things, knowledge, all these things.
I think one of the greatest skills any
person can have in any situation, even in
(01:22:30):
the family environment or in the office
environment or anywhere.
I would tell that is adaptability.
If this person has
adaptability, maybe he has lack skills.
He can still engage that
skill if he is adaptable.
But suppose it is opposite.
He has lot of skills, but he is not able
(01:22:51):
to adapt to that situation.
Adapt to the new office, adapt to the new
challenges, adapt to the new world.
Then they cannot survive.
This is also, it has a bigger dimension.
It is not only applicable to a person, an
institution, a group, lot of things, even
you see Nokia, Blackberry, even big
(01:23:12):
innovations, lot of such entities.
Actually adaptability is what failed.
So to make you successful, to make you
disappear properly and transform
yourself, you should be resilient enough
to stay independent or you stand in your
(01:23:32):
own legs and also you
adapt to that new situation.
That's the greatest skill you can have.
So part two, transforming yourself in
shadows. It's based on
atomic habits and all.
So the point here is that first one, you
don't have to chase success. You don't
have to hunt for success.
(01:23:55):
And it is actually from Victor Frankle in
the Man's Search for Meaning, he told
that the more you try to search, it will
go away and away from you.
And I think one of the most interesting
insights in that aspect I would tell is
from Jalal Din Rumi.
He was telling that when I tried to wait
for something or tried to go for
(01:24:15):
something to get that,
that's the first one.
Like if I chase for what I need, I'll be
stressed in anxieties and
with trust of foreigners.
Like you feel like you have the heat,
you're tired and exhausted and all.
But instead, if I wait for my own, what I
need will come to me.
(01:24:35):
So actually, myself, the me, the I inside
me already know what I want and the
universe also want what I want.
The only disruption what is happening or
what is between you and success is
actually the you which is hunting.
That is actually making that signal
(01:24:56):
un-sync. So that's where there is no
communication happening
between the universe and you.
Instead, you just focus on the systems
and habits. That's what
James Clear book is more about.
Rather than focusing on goals, focus on
the systems and habits, that will make
(01:25:17):
you a new version of you.
So you have to somehow consider as like
challenges as opportunities for learning.
Like suppose somebody insulted you
telling that you're not good enough that
actually those people
who are degrading you,
(01:25:38):
they are the best people or you should
credit your success to those people
because they're going
to give you two things.
First of all, they're going to give you a
reflection which you are missing, which
is an opportunity to look into you or put
the telescope into
you, whether I have that.
Second thing, they're going to give you a
(01:26:00):
motivation to change
that or improve that one.
So in both scenarios, maybe you will have
a short term feeling of bad or something,
but that feeling if
you've taken to your furnace,
what Jalal Dhanurumi was telling, but
instead of running the furnace for
success, use that as a fuel to improve
(01:26:22):
yourself in shadows.
That's the most interesting thing. So
consider trying to improve your process.
Try to make something one percentage
better every day. So that
will get compounded and all.
So focus on that process improvement and
take challenges as an opportunity center
and change this also as a new thing.
(01:26:44):
Every change or every small change will
actually take you next step forward.
Amur Fati. You should try to just bless
or just to accept that fate, what is
happening to you
already. That is a good for me.
(01:27:05):
That's what Fredek Nishi Amur Fati is
talking about and all.
So next one is unfollowing your passion
in the transformation process.
So the point is that we all learn from a
lot of people that you
should follow your passion.
But actually that's wrong. Even we
discussed earlier point on the scene.
(01:27:27):
But the point here is that to become
successful, you don't
have to follow your passion.
Following is something same like hunting
for that. Instead, you focus on
increasing your skills
that create confidence.
Confidence is going to breed confidence.
That will give you some recognition. That
(01:27:48):
recognition will fuel
your improvement further.
So somehow rather than following your
passion, following what is the purpose of
that, the real crux of that, that will
help you to improve in that.
And also another thing is that most of
the time we don't
know what we really want.
(01:28:09):
We are following the script of society,
script of someone else. We are thinking,
I want to become someone like that person
or this person like that.
But actually God and Universe could have
a different plan for you.
So if you follow your passion, as I told
before, the frequency of the radio will
not connect. Same way, your perspective
(01:28:29):
or your passion, you will be somewhere in
the life trap limited to something.
So you don't have to follow your passion.
Just follow what you plan for it and work
on it day by day by day. It doesn't
matter when you get in.
Eventually, you will get it.
Now you should understand the life traps.
(01:28:50):
That's our second point.
So the point here is that you as a person
or me as a person, actually it is a
conclusion of lot of events and
happenings and learnings, emotions,
pitfalls, failures,
lots and lots of things.
(01:29:11):
So even like two brothers or twin
brothers who is in the same home, they
would have a different level of
personality inside them because of the
same course of happenings and all.
So what we are trying to understand here
is that life traps, lot of things
(01:29:33):
happening to you like the way you are
spending, the way you are
looking for an opportunity,
the way you behave to a situation. A lot
of things actually have a past. Something
is connected. It may be connected to your
inheritance or it may be connected to
your own childhood and all the learnings
(01:29:54):
in adults and lot of things.
So you should try to understand it and
heal as much as possible. There are
multiple ways of thinking about it.
So healing should be unmet need, under
recognition of that or maybe your
teachers will tell you, your friends
would have considering lot of things.
So maybe you are fat or you are slim or
(01:30:16):
you are beautiful or you are ugly, lot of
variation in any other, any context.
You will have all those incidents and
happens in your world, those create some
life traps. So try to understand what is
your life traps and then that way you can
just remove those life traps in your
(01:30:39):
journey of transformation.
So the power of self-awareness, that's
really important. Coming to understand,
you should be aware of or mindful about
you, how you perceive as you
and how other perceive you.
Both of things, internal and external,
(01:31:02):
that awareness is really important
because you are going
to change that awareness.
So first you should start from inside but
also you should try to see how the
other's awareness is you, how much of
that is flawed, how much of that is
correct. Then you can
try to fix that as well.
Also another part is that there will be
(01:31:22):
lot of biases and lot of emotional
blinds, sports and all.
Because lot of such things like say for
example, I am going to come to in front
of you and then get angry or something.
Maybe there will be lot of automatic
response, like automatic response
happening. Those are
actually emotional blinds sports.
(01:31:45):
So we just react to something without be
aware of it, what is
creating that emotion.
So if you have that awareness, that
mindfulness, it can be
looking in multiple way.
Like first of all, yes, you should be
available for you. Then you could have
(01:32:05):
mindfulness practice, meditation, lot of
things. You should at least or in short,
you should spend some time for yourself.
That will create some awareness. You
should appreciate the you
inside you. That is important.
So rewrite your life story.
So story is for sure it's
(01:32:27):
interesting for everyone else.
But there is some narrative which you
tell about yourself. That actually
creates those identities and all.
So James Clear in his book, Atomic
Habits, he is trying to tell that
identity based habits is more important.
Instead of losing weight, I want to lose
(01:32:48):
weight. Instead, I want to
become a person who is fit.
That is an identity
because you are a fit person.
That is more important or that is more
going to work than the other one. Just
losing weight like that.
So that identity, that rewriting your
things, because that way when you rewrite
(01:33:11):
yourself, your identities and your new
person, you rewrite that.
Every decisions and every choices you
make actually get back
to that same identity.
Then every action will follow that new
you, that new perspective
of you. That's important.
So that's the importance of changing that
(01:33:35):
story which you tell yourself and
ultimately or in another way,
how much you tell to others.
There are lot of situations in your life
you will get a chance to tell about you.
So next time or when you are transforming
in shadows, try to prepare for that
(01:33:57):
storytelling. Try to
prepare that narrative.
What do you want to tell that story? It's
not like verbally telling like that.
For example, somebody is coming to you
and asking for an opinion about a topic
in your office or some
sort of relative or something.
Maybe you will be telling a process
(01:34:18):
perspective in a different way than you
tell it in two years or something.
So that person who is hearing that, he
will try to make a judgment about you.
They are going to
create a narrative about you.
So in body language and all these things,
even though you are not expert in any of
these things, every person will try to
make a narrative of every
(01:34:38):
other person who they meet.
Because that way we are managing that
person. If you remember about your
grandma, you will remember
lot of love and such things.
Or you remember someone about your crook
friend, you will have
some templates like that.
So that's an idea. Or for example, if you
(01:34:59):
imagine about Tom Cruise, he is an action
hero and all these
things, gladiator person.
So that identity, that narrative, because
they told us that story. So we have that
narrative of that celebrities because
they try to tell that story inside the
movie and outside the movie in all the
(01:35:20):
way about them like that.
That's why we are having that
feeling of identity of them.
So the power of marginal gains. Whoever
read the book Atomic Habits, I think
everyone come across this topic of
marginal gains or a
comporting effect and all.
I think one of my friend in YouTube, I
think, escape ordinary channel, they have
(01:35:41):
a wonderful summary about
this atomic habits as well.
That's a very good, lot of people are
viewed also, very
interesting video there.
What I'm trying to tell is that we are
not talking about that level of summary
of the book in another way.
But here James Clear is mentioning one
percentage every day, it will make you
(01:36:01):
thirty seven percentage better over a
course of a year or something.
So that is what the
compounding or marginal gains.
So the point is that you as a current you
is a combination of lot of margin gain,
even though you intended to do or not.
(01:36:23):
You studied lot of things in school, then
you studied lot of things, you failed at
lot of things, you
succeeded in lot of things.
All the small combination is actually
what you are. But maybe you have not
intentionally done that.
But if you intentionally do that, that
will have less pressure and also we can
(01:36:43):
improve the process.
Okay, we are going to go
from this point to that point.
So during the course of that journey, you
can make corrections, you can try to
improve and improve
in the shadows and all.
So that way you will have
that improvement slowly.
This is not only affecting in habits or
(01:37:06):
goals achievement or anything like that.
See what happened to any other parts.
Like averaging, the wonder of averaging
is actually the core of financial
independence and personal freedom.
We have a lot of books in
our channel talking about that.
So one of the interesting investing, it's
not about investing
here, but I'm still telling.
(01:37:28):
Investing is that people always think
that that is trading in stock market.
But actually the real investment is
something about marginal gains.
What you will get it on the long term and
in long term, almost always everybody
wins in stock market or
investment or everything.
On short term only people will fail. So
(01:37:49):
long term everybody will have a growth.
So that somehow that for conclusion of
transforming yourself in shadows, which
is mainly based on identity based habits,
focusing on the systems and habits rather
than goals and also thinking about
comporting effects and marginal gains.
That way you can improve
(01:38:10):
in a short period of time.
Actually people try to underestimate what
they can get it in long term and they
always think that short term they can do
all such things and all.
So instead of focusing on short period,
try to see what you want to achieve in
next three years or something.
Then try to work forward on that towards
(01:38:33):
that. That will be somehow people will
not be able to see the
transformation that's happening.
Gradually you will making that progress.
So success, that enjoyment is not only on
that peak that process
itself you can enjoy that.
So part 3 reinventing yourself. So now
you disappeared, you transform something.
(01:38:53):
But actually it is not step by step. It
is actually happening
in parallel somehow.
You are disappearing from the social
landscape at the same time you are
working in your shadows and same time you
are reinventing yourself.
So first part as we told before it's
about rewriting your story. But coming
again here you have to be more in the
(01:39:15):
reinventing process.
That marketing is more important. You
have to have an empowering narrative. We
will use to tell that.
Fake it and we will make it. We are not
going that way. But the point you can
have two way to confidence.
One way the confidence will show on you.
(01:39:36):
Or other way you can show confidence and
confidence will come to you.
I will make it more clear. For example if
I have this wide this one the I think
that posture and all these things if you
walk like that and all such things that
is a confident posture right.
So what research is telling even though
(01:39:57):
you don't have a confidence if you show
that posture. If you tell yourself I am
the best person this one or that one.
I am the greatest boxer of the world or I
walk like that. I walk like the best
person. I think like the best person.
So that story that narrative you tell to
(01:40:17):
others and you tell to you. That is
actually going to reinvent yourself.
So another one is about changing your
behavioral patterns as we mentioned
before. So now you have a new you now. So
you don't have to behave in the new you.
Behavior that is actually not completely
(01:40:39):
like you are not conscious about that.
Like the behavior for example I am
talking to you. Everything what I am
showing here it is not well scripted like
that. Maybe some is there I am trying to
make it better in front of you but not.
So that way behavior how it is lot of
behavior it's not behavior the way you
(01:41:00):
talk. Like the behavior of bad like bad
behaviors like substance use or alcohol
or lot of such things.
You can avoid such habits and all such
things. So that behaviors how you respond
to that. How you respond to the dopamine
depletion. How you
respond to the board up.
How you respond to an insult. How you
(01:41:22):
respond to an appreciation. We will come
to that later more. So all that thing
that changing that behavioral pattern is
important in reinventing yourself.
Even though you are transformed if you
don't change the behavior as new you then
(01:41:43):
you are not new. You are only
transformed. You have not reinvented.
So we will talk about emotional
intelligence now. So yes other
intelligence is for sure IQ intelligence
question other things but emotional
intelligence is actually your
(01:42:04):
intelligence to understand how the other
person think and behave and also to
understand how you think and behave.
Somehow you are emotionally labeling it
you are trying to reflect on such things
a lot of such things. So emotional
intelligence is actually one of the real
(01:42:25):
thing you should have
in reinventing yourself.
So for example because we are a social
being so how to improve social
intelligence or emotional intelligence.
First of all say you can analyze your
behavior. Say you have such some meetings
concluded or you have some
(01:42:46):
old instant lot of things.
You can try to see what the other
person's problem was that what was making
him doing that same time how you try to
see how you try to control it. But most
of the time you are the someone who you
can control you cannot control the other
person behavior only you can understand
(01:43:06):
that other person behavior and you will
have that intelligence and you can
emotionally adapt to that.
So I'm telling that emotional
intelligence you should try to learn it
in an easy way and a difficult way as
well. There are a lot of way you can
learn it through the process itself for
example you are attending a meeting or
(01:43:27):
something you can analyze
how this person behave and all.
How that body language lot of things even
communication word is only less than 10
percent of that most of the other I'm
communicating with you it is more than
the words. So try to have that emotional
intelligence which is actually a key
criteria for reinventing yourself.
(01:43:50):
So fostering healthier relationship
because in the first part you talk about
disappearing yourself and then exiting or
cleaning your surroundings from people
and all. But for sure there are lot of
healthier relationship you should try to
foster that because you are an average of
(01:44:11):
five people around you for
example and it can be more eyes.
So try to this one way you are trying to
get rid of all that infectious
relationship at the same time what you
have with you try to foster that
relationship but at the same time try to
make sure that they are
(01:44:32):
not crossing that boundaries.
So you define how you foster that
relationship how you want to attend that
relationship how much time you want to
spend that what level those relationship
can go all that is really important.
So in the new you will always because if
(01:44:53):
you see lot of successful people and all
these people you will see you will see
that thing they will be all be always
surrounded by such people.
So Steve Jobs not single handedly created
Apple he was having same way to all any
other person you look at it.
It's a combination even Andrew Carnegie
(01:45:14):
any other person in any context it is not
only on the field of business even you
look at them in the religion even God
knows that that's why if you look at all
that profits and other even everybody
will have that associates and that
mastermind people and all.
So foster that healthier relationship but
(01:45:36):
make sure that that healthier
relationship stay healthy and is not
going to affect you back in a bad way.
It should be you look at it make sure
that it is it is just assisting you in
your journey embracing continuous growth.
So one of the biggest setbacks of the
(01:45:57):
current education system is that it
consider or it make people think that
they know about
something it's actually bad.
That's why I think if you see an irony of
that most successful people you see that
they are dropouts and all one way it
could be many many reason
they could be dropout and all.
But the point I'm trying to make is that
(01:46:19):
you should have a mindset of lifelong
learning even no one alive and no one
going to be born or dead was not able to
get the whole world information and all.
Even in I think in the Quran and all it's
so that we have only given a very little
amount of knowledge.
(01:46:39):
So whatever we know it is
very little knowledge on it.
So you should have
that lifelong learning.
Okay you would have have a degree or
something that should not limit you
thinking that okay I know this such
things I don't know a lot of things
actually that is the recipe for failure.
Instead like we are discussing now we
(01:47:02):
should read books try to understand from
people that is one way to look at it.
A book is actually a miracle in for me
I'm just when I look at it because that
is the very cream of a personal life and
learning he put it there for the future.
So a person would have lived 70 or 80
(01:47:23):
years he put all those learning in a book
so that's the benefit of a book.
So that level of continuous lifelong
learning mindset understand that it's a
continuous process learning is not going
to end until you die.
So it is a lifelong learning process it
is in every part and it's not only on the
reading or watching you can learn from
(01:47:45):
successful people same time you can learn
from the failure people also.
People who fail the companies who fail
the company all such failure the friends
you see around you you see their failing
you can learn from that so that is a
lifelong learning of understanding
reflection and improvement that's
important in your reinventing yourself.
(01:48:07):
Keep the foreigners of insert as we
discussed before insult is a fuel and all
but let us take it little more forward.
So there is two part to look at this
point so if somebody is insulting you you
can forgive them because that is for you
and you should not have to forget that
(01:48:31):
that is for them I'll explain further.
Because if you are not forgiving you are
going to make that pain in a bad way to
you instead if you forgive that you are
leaving that burden from your side and
same time you are not forgetting that
that person insulted you that same time
(01:48:53):
you can prevent that person to insult
again and also that will also allow you
to reinvent yourself so that.
In another way that is the best revenge
you can pay back to that insulting person
to show them the new you.
(01:49:14):
So keep that foreigners of insult that
foreigners always will give you that fuel
because lot of other things you look at
it to not give that much level of things
even in the father of psychology Williams
installed that the appreciation or that
seeking of appreciation is the greatest
(01:49:35):
of any other emotions a person have.
People may be trying to become rich not
to see that they have too much money no
more important thing for them is the fame
and such things people want to become the
celebrities action actors and all these
things that is also same thing they want
(01:49:55):
to have that sense of greatness in front
of the people at all so that greatness
you can come back with
the greatness at all.
So keep that foreigners of insult that is
actually a big fuel to take you.
Wake from the bed and work on something
(01:50:17):
or skip instead of watching Netflix or
something doing something else productive
lot of such things something.
So bad I'm telling Netflix is not bad or
something you should also spend time on
such things but I'm telling this insult
is a great fuel which you can revamp
yours don't take
appraisal to heart the final one.
(01:50:38):
So Bill Gates famously told that success
is a lousy teacher it makes successful
people think that they will not fail.
So the point is that you succeed in
something it doesn't mean that you are
protected from failing you should always
(01:51:00):
think that failure will happen.
So the point here we are trying to make
is that first of all don't take the
appreciation to your heart one point as
we mentioned in the very introduction is
that that will allow you or that will
make you vulnerable to the insults they
(01:51:22):
are giving or the feedback bad feedback
they're giving suppose your boss is
telling okay you've done a great job.
First of all you can accept that but you
don't have to become too much happy about
it because another time the same boss
will tell you that
you've done a very bad thing.
So if you want to cope with that you want
to make up that equilibrium you should
(01:51:43):
not take that to heart.
So also at the same time you can always
think or plan for your failure you have
you can plan for your worst case scenario
if you think that failure is there
instead if you think you're blindly
optimistic you cannot think like that.
So in the reinventing your process you
(01:52:06):
should always have that you should not
take your awards your past success as
something like you are special or unique
always you should think about the both
side of the spectrum and plan for
everything when you're reinventing and
correct your course correct your
procedures your behavior skills habits
lot of things will conclude on that part.
(01:52:29):
Okay I'm disappeared the conclusion is
that disappearing and reinventing
yourself is a profound journey of
self-discovery and growth it require
courage persistence and also a
willingness to
challenge your deepest belief.
(01:52:51):
By following these principles of how to
disappear the first one and then atomic
habits to transform yourself and
reinventing yourself that will embark on
a transformational journey.
I would suggest you watch this video as
well regarding the three steps of
learning that will try to help you to
(01:53:14):
transform yourself in the shadows.
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