#76: Anxious Or Avoidant? Why Attachment Theory Is Keeping You Single

Everyone’s suddenly an expert on attachment styles. Anxious, avoidant, disorganized—it’s all over your feed, and maybe even your therapist’s office. But here’s the truth: if you’re trying to use attachment theory to decode every date and relationship, it’s keeping you stuck.

In this episode, Hilary is  breaking down why obsessing over your (and his) attachment style is doing more harm than good, and what actually matters when you’re looking for real love.

If you’re a smart, self-aware woman who’s done the work but still isn’t seeing results in your love life, this might be why. Because knowing better doesn’t automatically mean doing better. And the answer isn’t more information—it’s radical self-trust, embodied confidence, and knowing how to assess how a relationship feels instead of overthinking why someone acts the way they do.

 

Episode Highlights:

• Why therapy, books, and expert advice often lead to “knowing better but not doing better”
• The trap of over-intellectualizing your love life
• What to look for in a relationship that actually matters
• How long-term love evolves, and why labels won’t help you grow it

 

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 Why Attachment Styles Are Keeping You Single

02:21 Information Doesn’t Equal Transformation

04:46 The Problem with Overthinking and Intellectualizing Love

06:06 The Danger of Labeling Your Partner (or Yourself)

08:02 What a Healthy Relationship Actually Looks Like

09:16 Stop Fixating on Him, Focus on You

 

If you're ready to stop psychoanalyzing every text and start showing up as the woman who knows what she wants and how to get it—this episode is for you.

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