#83: What Matters MORE than Who You Are Meeting

You can spend thousands on a matchmaker or swipe until your thumbs go numb, but if you keep running into the same disappointing patterns, the real question isn’t “where are all the good men?” The real question is how are you showing up when you meet them?

In this episode, Hilary unpacks why so many smart, successful women struggle in love even when everything looks perfect on the outside. Ghosting, mismatches, and one-sided relationships aren’t the problem themselves—they’re signals of something deeper. When self-doubt, fear, or insecurity color your energy, the wrong men move closer and the right ones step away.

So how do you stop chasing quick fixes and instead become the woman who naturally attracts the kind of love you want? Hilary shares why identity work—not dating hacks—is the real key, and what changes when you finally treat yourself as the priority first.

 

Episode Highlights:

• Why spending money on a matchmaker rarely fixes the real issue
• The “tree” metaphor that explains dating struggles at the root level
• How self-doubt and fear act like a magnet for the wrong men
• What high-quality men actually notice (and what makes them turn away)
• Why identity work is more powerful than any dating tactic

 

Episode Breakdown:

00:00 The Matchmaker Myth

01:05 The Real Problem: Who You’re Being

02:31 The Tree Analogy of Dating Patterns

06:01 Why You Attract the Wrong Men

09:09 Identity Work and Self-Worth

10:54 Why Matchmakers Fail

13:00 Becoming Your Future Self

 

✨ I’m Hilary Silver, LCSW, former psychotherapist turned master coach and founder of Ready for Love. I help high-achieving women show up in love as confidently as they do in their careers.

💡 Through this podcast, I share my WOMAN-centered, SELF-centered approach—time-tested methods that blend psychology, brain science, relationship skills, and no-BS dating advice.

🎙️ Since 2017, we’ve helped over 10,000 women with a 98% success rate, making Ready for Love the #1 program in the world for women who’ve tried everything else.

 

✨ Ready to stop repeating the same patterns and finally create the love you deserve? 

🎯 Watch my free masterclass to learn the proven 4-step Ready for Love Method: https://readyforloveinc.com/masterclass

💬 Apply for a free Love Breakthrough Call with my team: https://readyforloveinc.com/apply