May 1, 2024 • 34 mins
Embark on a journey with us as we navigate the delightful and sometimes perplexing quirks of our partner's families. From quirky food habits to peculiar walking strategies, join us as we explore the challenges and joys of blending into a new family dynamic.
#FamilyQuirks #Relationships #Partner'sFamily #NavigatingFamily
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
So when I first started vacationing with your family, I remember,
I think we were taking a car ride somewhere.
I don't know where we're going. But I remember the car ride was just... Like we were quiet.
Nobody was talking. No one was talking. Well, your family doesn't stop talking. Yes.
That's accurate. Silence makes them uncomfortable. Now, I will say that is true,
(00:20):
especially with my mother.
And I love her. But if there's silence, she'll start humming.
And she doesn't think anyone else can hear her hum. She doesn't realize she's
humming. And I'm always like, Mom, we can all hear you humming.
And I was like, oh, you can hear me? And I'm like, yes, we can hear you.
It's pretty shocking and amazing when you think of the whole concept of getting
married and building a family. I always thought.
(00:42):
Like, I remember as a kid being kind of astounded by the fact that,
okay, I'm going to live my entire life with my parents and, like,
my brothers and my siblings.
And then one day, I'm going to go out there. I'm going to find a complete stranger
who I have no idea who they are or their background or what they've been doing with their life.
And I'm going to enjoy my life with their life and then start my own family.
(01:02):
Like, why would I care about this stranger? Like, who are they to me?
It's kind of weird. Is it?
You don't think it's a weird concept? I mean, I guess when you think about it
like that. Yeah, it's a little strange. Like, take it to any other scenario.
Like, if you were to say to someone like, hey, you're going to go to,
I'm trying to think of, like, you're going to go to like a college.
(01:22):
College you're gonna have this this classroom and
this teacher for your whole life and then you go into the workplace and
you change it i guess so i guess we do it a lot of different ways time i
don't know why it's so weird because it's like your family i don't i just feel
like it's it's it hits on a different level it does and like you might choose
this person but you don't know your family might not like that person no we're
(01:46):
gonna say no i was gonna say like you don't always like like choose the family.
It's kind of like you get the family.
And thankfully, I think we've been blessed with really good family on both sides.
They're just different. But like, it's like going, like you're buying the car
and you're getting everything inside the car or it's like a,
like a, an auction sale or a state sale where you're like, you buy this,
(02:09):
this wardrobe, you get everything inside it. You might not want it,
but you're getting everything with it.
When you marry someone and take them in, you're getting their families.
I feel like you're very negative about this. It should be a positive thing.
Oh, I'm just stating what it is. It is a positive thing. It could be great.
Yeah, there could be a treasurer inside there. There could be gold to blooms.
(02:30):
Gold to blooms? Why not? Gold to blooms. But, I mean, like you were saying,
we've both been very blessed. Not everyone's been so blessed.
No, some people have complicated families. families and
nothing nothing tests even
the best family relationship than family
vacations family vacations are very unique it's very
(02:51):
unique opportunity to really get to know someone
yes you're diving deep because there's all this personal time and
the time never ends like there's not separation at
times do you remember like going on
each other's family's first first vacation together
because I believe we were dating slash
engaged both like when we went
(03:13):
on like I went on vacation with your family and you went
on vacation with my family after we got engaged you remember like oh my goodness
we're our families are so different and they vacation so differently but that's
just the tip of the iceberg of the differences I feel yeah so and so I think
what we're hoping to do today is to uncover some of those those big family differences.
(03:36):
And maybe you at home listening will be like, this is a great conversation for
me to have with the person that I'm dating to kind of know what you're walking
into, which is important.
I think so. But I think this is more of a comedic take on the differences for family, our families.
Let's put a disclaimer out there before I move forward. We love it.
To our families, we love you. Love you. We love you all.
(03:57):
But we're gonna do it. You guys are different. You're very different. So-
Should we dive in? Yeah, you first. Okay. What's your first thing that you've
noticed that's super different about our family versus your family?
The love for food.
Now, I have never encountered. And your family is like the lack of food.
(04:18):
We could talk about that in a moment.
But Kaylin's whole family loves food.
And I dare say love is not a strong enough word. It's obsessed.
Is is actually fueled like
their their life is fueled by food now i
should have known this because because i i because kaylin loves
(04:41):
food you just didn't realize it transcended beyond me
everyone everyone in your family with the exception of your your stepdad god
love him who understands my me sitting there being like i can appreciate this
food i'm not obsessed with it but let me yes let me talk through what let me
define what this is first and and how it really came out on the most recent
(05:02):
vacation that we took with your family.
So we took a vacation with our family. We're out to dinner one night because you're on vacation.
You're likely eating out because you don't always have a kitchen available.
And our family, like the vacation revolves around mealtimes too.
So let's talk about the agenda first. The agenda for any vacation with Kaylin's
family begins with good morning breakfast.
(05:25):
And then there's a gap of time, not that long, maybe a few hours or so.
And then the next big moment in the agenda is lunch.
And then again, there's a gap of time, not that long.
And then the next big moment is dinner. And so there's three square meals a day without fail.
Your family has zero square meals a day. I have to pack snacks.
(05:47):
Okay, we'll talk about that later. But now we're saying the dinner table and
this came out most recently.
We're saying the dinner table and we're kind of ordering, I would say family
style. Like, you know, we're getting different entrees and appetizers.
But it's a strategic strategy.
We do so okay that begins to thus thus
begins the conversation when they go to order
dinner it's not just like oh i want to try that i'm gonna
(06:10):
try this and like okay they're like what are you ordering no what what what
are you gonna order are you gonna order this because i'm ordering this and like
if if you want you can have a you can have a piece of it do you want to share
are we sharing are you having a bite are you having a bite are you gonna eat
the whole thing like or it's like listen i'm eating more of this than then you
probably think i'm going to so So you should probably order your own.
And it is an actual discussion and strategic conversation that feels like I'm
(06:34):
at the Battle of Waterloo talking about where the armies are going to move and
in what direction and how and why, talking about how you're going to order this food.
And then when the food comes, okay. It's vicious.
It is. Especially dessert time. Like, I remember when we were...
I'm not even at dessert time. Let me talk about this for a second.
Appetizers. Appetizers come out. And so after we've had this kind of discussion
(06:57):
about everyone strategically saying, are you ordering that? I'm ordering this.
I'm going to order this and you're going to share that with me.
I want a bite of that and a bite of that. And it feels like you almost have
to put in like your requests, like at an auction in advance.
Like if you want to eat, you better make sure that you have signed up to have
a bite of something or share with something you're ordering something.
And if you ordered it and you're planning on eating the whole thing,
(07:19):
you better have notified everyone you're planning on eating the whole thing.
Now, the food comes out, and this is the funniest part to me.
And this happens several times when you're on vacation with your family.
The food comes out, and it might be like, hey, here's plate A.
And if someone ordered plate A, oh, that's over here.
And maybe someone else ordered plate A, but that other person already jumped on that plate A.
(07:40):
And now, you know, I have another order of plate A.
Oh, that's over here. It is just hysterical, the ownership that comes with the food.
Oh, I mean, when we were younger, it was bad because like. Share the dessert story.
We would, back in the day, we could only afford to go out to this one nice restaurant
(08:00):
like once and it was the highlight of the trip.
And they had these chocolate souffles and we would only get like one or two
to share. And I have a big family.
And so everyone had to get their spoon ready. I think it's important to say
there's like a minimum of how many people at the table, like 12 people usually. On a good day.
Right. right like just just this last trip it was
(08:22):
half of our family and it was like 12 people right so
it adds to the feel of all this going on and that's just immediate family
but you have to get your spoon ready and you know you had to get hell i said
with my spoon or else you weren't getting anything and it was like you you had
to partner up to like later on you would like partner up and it was like okay
(08:42):
so you like the gooey part i like the crunchy part.
And like divide the ice cream no i
know it's really so polite well so and
then one other thing about the food is not only is there
just such ownership of like wanting to to taste this
food when they taste this food there you
have to read a book before going out to dinner with these
(09:04):
people like there is such a vernacular of like i
mean you know you kind of watch those those videos of
like you know someone with wine i smell old
leather like that's kind of what it it is at times with your family
like oh like the sommelier the food the crunch
comes just before that little whisper of the seaweed or
whatever i'm like what are you talking about what are you talking
(09:25):
about we're not that bad i'm exaggerated a bit but a bit but yes we do we love
food they talk about it with such love and passion which i mean there's nothing
wrong with that you can love things i will say it's very funny because i feel
like on this last trip there's a meal i was sitting there i was sitting across
from your stepdad and i was kind of talking to him but like,
you know, they talk about food in this way that I'll never understand.
(09:46):
He was just like, yep, yep.
He's so low key, I love him. I appreciate it. I felt like I wasn't alone in
that moment. I felt seen.
Now, all that being said, because your family's obsessed with food,
I will say we are very blessed to have some terrific meals.
Like the food is delicious and always good. And that Italian place was so good.
But then they'll talk about it forever. Oh, it's very memorable.
(10:07):
It's like, these are core memories. Like your family's core memories are around
food or around the dinner table. I do have core memories about food.
Like the other, this is an example from this morning. I had a bad dream and
I had a very tragic dream and I was sharing with Kayla. I'm like,
I had this really bad nightmare.
It was very bad. I'm not going to share it. But then she goes,
(10:28):
she goes, I also had a weird dream.
She's like, you left about a hundred dollars worth of meat in the car from Trader
Joe's. I was trying to make you laugh. And it spoiled.
And I'm like, look, I'm telling you this tragedy And then you share your tragedy,
which revolves around food.
I was just trying to make you laugh, but I do have a lot of food dreams. It's really weird.
You've dreamed about food at least every other day for the past couple of weeks. I don't know why.
(10:52):
Maybe I'm hungry. Always. You're always hungry. So the love for food is one
of those things I never quite, I don't know if I could ever explain it to someone truly.
I've tried to do it here and I've over-exaggerated a bit in an attempt to kind of share my experience.
But something that definitely you don't experience in my family because my family never
eats as you pointed out oh my gosh they never eat and i'm starving all
(11:14):
the time and i just feel like i'm wasting away when
i'm on vacation with your family and i'm like can we
eat and your dad wants to eat but he's not allowed to voice that like desire
and he's like hiding sandwiches in his like cargo shorts he has he has he always
wears he has granola bars stuffed in there oh yeah because Because my mom and
(11:35):
my brother can go days without eating.
Yeah, they'll eat one meal a day. They'll eat one meal a day.
Not good for you. It's not good for you, but I just can't.
Do it i will so i do want to share one more story about
oh my gosh now this is another great example podcast
it's a good episode it's like
we went on a plane the other day and caitlin's like
i'm going to prepare food for this long flight to go on this family vacation seven hour
(11:59):
flight so most people on a seven hour flight like okay you
know prepare from food get some snacks things like that i'm like
she's like i'm gonna make some sandwiches okay that makes sense so i'm thinking
my mind like pretty basic sandwiches like you
know some cheese or some meat and you know
maybe be like a peanut butter and jelly makes sense and then kaylin comes
out she's like okay i may pack two sandwiches can you
please describe the sandwiches yes so we got bread from this
(12:20):
really good italian place by our house that he can eat because it's like made
from italy because you have some gluten issues and i did turkey and cheese with
a fig jam and some dijon mustard and then i did salami and cheese with an olive
tapenade sounds fancy isn't grabbed it at trader joe's.
(12:42):
But you it was delicious i was
very happy with her choices much better than anything
at the airport of course i will never complain about the food
but i will but you do like to joke about it yes well
let's talk about some of your family differences this does
not necessarily have to do with family vacations although they do
obsess about their dogs on vacation but
(13:03):
i have never met a family who loves their
dogs as much as your family there is so
much puppy love in that household his parents have
three dogs london paris and
rome yes very cute they all have nicknames and the european pooches the european
pooches they are so well taken care of i have never met dogs who are treated
(13:26):
better than most humans like it is a good life to live that puppy life in your parents' household.
Like, they are... They eat better than, like, most people. Like, they have...
They have their kibble and like homemade meat every day. Like they get their treats.
(13:46):
Your mom. Again, you're focused on the food. I'm just.
I'd say throw that out there. It's well fed. There's cameras set out up in the
whole house while we're on vacation.
Like ring cameras so that his. Not for security. Not for security.
So his mom can check in on the pooches.
And they're like the names of them are hilarious. It's like London's dance party.
(14:09):
Rome spotlight dance. oh rome spotlight london's village london's village they're
just like the cutest little dogs.
Yeah i and i feel so bad because i didn't
grow up with pets so i don't understand
this love that is like for a human but for a dog like i like dogs don't get
(14:29):
me wrong but like i don't love them the way your mom loves them and she knows
she can tell that love isn't quite i mean i will say my mother is somewhat obsessive about her dogs.
Now, the dogs are somewhat obsessive about her, though. Oh, they adore her.
They cannot live without her. They have anxiety when we go on vacation to where
(14:52):
they eat at their little skin.
To literally where the veterinarian said, you should probably get your dogs
registered as a, what is it called when you need a- Like an emotional support
pet. Emotional support pet.
But my mom is the emotional support human- For the dog. For the dog, yes.
Yes. Yes. I mean it is it is a little it is a little different now however I
(15:12):
mean you even told me on our first date that you will never love a woman as
much as you loved your childhood dog Mai Tai like her picture not yeah not her not her ashes.
May she rest in peace and then i
think when our daughter was born you were like oh okay i love her
(15:35):
more i love her more than my tie and she's the only one joking
no we are we
are a little if you came back and then not that reincarnation is real but if
you if it was and he came back as a as a dog in your house my family's house
that's a great life it's a really good life i mean there's there's a lot of
time and care and love they get they go to like physical therapy They don't, I'm going to share this.
(16:00):
They don't sleep on dog beds and they don't sleep on the, on the floors.
Not only do they sleep in my parents' room, they have a separate bed.
It's like a human size normal mattress that is dedicated to them.
However, only one of them sleeps on there. The other two still sleep in the
bed with my parents, but it's just, it is a good life.
But I mean, you could say that we're obsessive about other things in our family. You could. Okay. Okay.
(16:25):
This one blew my mind. When Kayla and I were dating.
Pre-kids. Obviously, we didn't have children because we're dating. We're not married yet.
And I would go over to their house and she has an older sister who has two little ones.
And, you know, they're kids. How old were they when we were dating?
Oh, gosh. I don't know. Well, one wasn't even born yet. So, two.
(16:49):
Three, and then a baby. Young kids, young kids.
We would go over there for like family dinner sometimes. And I just didn't understand this.
There was, I honestly felt like these kids are the eighth wonder of the world.
And I was the only one who didn't know it.
And like- You just didn't get it yet. I didn't understand it.
I've never been a huge kid person.
And you don't- Until I had a kid. You don't have nieces. To be honest,
(17:10):
I still don't like kids. I like my kid. I don't like anyone else's kid. But you might like-
your nieces and nephews? Well, I mean, I like my family, like family.
I'm just saying like, I don't adore children.
They're cute, but I don't get why everyone's obsessive over them.
We would eat dinner and then they'd be like, okay, what are we going to do now?
And I'm thinking like, let's play a board game. Let's like, you know,
chat, let's do something.
(17:31):
No, let's gather around the couch and let's all watch as the little ones play
and just watch in silence.
And I was, It was just like this thing and they're like, oh my goodness.
She's so cute. Look how cute. And I'm like, what are we doing here?
Like, what is going on? You understand
now, though. Well, I get it with my daughter. I understand it now.
(17:52):
And your family thinks our daughter is the eighth wonder of the world.
Yes, and they do the exact same thing now.
So I will say I do now understand.
But at the time. But at the time, as a young man, as a good looking young man
sitting there around the couch, coach being like, why are we all just staring at the kids?
They're kids. They're going to crawl. They're going to stall.
(18:12):
They're going to stand up. They're going to put the puzzle piece in.
It's not rocket science. This isn't that remarkable.
There's nothing mind blowing about what's going on here. But now you get it. I get it more now.
I would say I understand it now. I have appreciation for, yeah,
I love, obviously I love our daughter and I am in awe of her.
Now at the same time though, I wouldn't say I could sit there at for hours
(18:35):
staring at her like I but like I could I could have a conversation with you
and be with her or be playing actively engaged with her yes but just not like
sitting there on the sidelines but just not watching oh my goodness look at
how cute they are like just oh like I could do that for about 15 minutes with
her probably okay 30 minutes.
But did you ever think it was weird,
(18:56):
No, because I think she's as cute as I love my niece.
I was obsessed with her the moment she was born. I love them. I think they're great.
But I just don't get the, I'm going to watch them do life and just be in awe of it.
I mean, I was also there like when she was born and I was over at her house
like all the time. And I never was around kids until your family.
(19:17):
Well, yeah, until our daughter, even to your niece and nephew.
I was the oldest sibling, so I had younger siblings, but I never was around
little kids kids at the big age gap yeah they're not my kids yeah so i just
thought it was it was kind of.
Interesting to me and i used to i said i tell you i told you
about it we're dead i'm like you're like why are we staring at the
(19:37):
kids and i was like you just don't get it because they're like not
your family about it but it's true i didn't understand
it because they weren't my family yet so they're cute but
back to my family back to your family okay so
when we go on vacation with with your family we usually
go some places where there are crowds of
people and your family will like
(19:59):
mow people down like watch out
we're coming through like they're like
it's like a strategy there's like definitely a strategy walking through a crowd
with your family and it it is to protect us and our daughter but it's so funny
because it'll be like the dad goes ahead and he like like builds a wall and
(20:21):
like mows people over sometimes.
If you're in the way, you're being knocked down. Like pay attention, people.
He's coming through. And then we like come in and then like your mom and your
brother like flank the sides.
It's really hilarious. I've never seen a family do this. It's so protective and like just.
Now, often this is taking place like at a Disney World or an amusement park
(20:46):
type of crowd, stuff like that.
But there is definitely a, my dad goes in front and he is the bulldozer.
And we say, just create a lane.
And then everyone else follows. And then someone brings up the rear.
And it is like marching a battalion down the street. It is.
And I've never seen people do it. Or it's like, get in line.
Like, we're coming through.
(21:07):
I think that has something to do with a house full of men. It's definitely more aggressive.
Like, I grew up in a house full of sisters and like one brother, but mostly sisters.
So it was just like more like, oh, it's okay. You can go in front.
It's like, no, we were here. We were here.
We were here. This is our place. This is our spot.
(21:28):
Talk about the elevator. Oh, and okay.
And then when we go, like you're at the airport and you're like getting your
luggage and you're going into the elevator. Yeah.
Like his dad will stand at the front so that
like there's plenty of room in the elevator they just
don't like other people i think it's a private ride this is a private ride
sorry also it's like you never know if they're sick people or whatever
(21:49):
and my my my family is obsessive
about avoiding sick people yeah as am i there's like codes
if someone's coughing you like run the other way and
they shout out this code i don't think it's that discreet but
like whatever they're like code h code h
and someone's like code h
(22:09):
hacker alert hacker alert escape escape
escape run the other way and then they're
mowing people down in the crowd to get away from people
it's just it's so aggressive and i'm
not used to it i'm like so polite so it's
like why are we blocking the elevator why are
we mowing people down like yeah and then we get in the elevator and we're like
(22:33):
we're like you know people are people are coming trying to catch the elevator
you're like holding that close button oh i'm so sorry it didn't work horrible it's not very nice.
Oh it's not it's not the right thing to do but it is very funny
it makes makes for good podcast content again
i think that has something to do with growing up in a household of men
(22:55):
like you know my mom was my mom and my grandma were
stuck with you know two three three boys
at home plus my dad plus my grandpa so and
i don't think they're like timid people either my mom
and my grandma no my grandma be the first one close that elevator door i
don't want anyone else in here she was she was probably the
most aggressive she she would walk in front there'd be
(23:16):
a line she's like i ain't gonna wait in that line she would walk to the front
be like excuse me and she just if she had a question or something she would
cut a lot oh did she absolutely yes she's like i'm not gonna wait in that line
again i'll go to the front and ask the question she'll go up there and then
she'll be taking care of whatever it is i'm like did you have to wait ain't
locked out i just went to the front i'd be mortified i'd be like oh gosh mom grandma no.
(23:37):
We're very assertive people yeah and i'm just
not so and with being assertive
people it also makes a house never quiet which goes to my next thing with your
family the sound of silence i've never encountered a house a car ride a dinner
where you could hear a needle a needle drop and it is... A pin?
(24:01):
Yes, like a pin drop. I think it's because I grew up in a house with again,
like I just shared. Your house is...
Chaos oh constant chaos i don't three
three boys my grandparents have lived with this since i was like
eight so you had three three three boys grandparents
parents at least two or three dogs and dogs plus
(24:21):
there was a bird in there there's some fish in there oh my goodness in
there but so there's just never been a moment of chaos
quiet in my house so when i
first started vacationing with your family i remember
i think we're taking a car ride somewhere i don't
know where we're were going but i remember the car where i was just like we
were quiet nobody was talking no one was talking well
(24:42):
your family doesn't stop talking that yes
like that's accurate silence makes them uncomfortable that is now i will say
that is true especially with my mother and i love her but if there's silence
she'll start humming and she doesn't she doesn't think anyone else can hear
her hum and i'm always like mom we can all hear you humming i was like oh you
can hear me and i'm I'm like, yes, we can hear you.
(25:03):
God bless her. So yes, there is a thing in my family where I think everyone
is scared. Now, scared of silence. With that being said, I think I'm very comfortable in silence.
You are, but- Even though I come from a family who isn't comfortable with silence.
Yes, you are comfortable with it. But sometimes your family's silence, it's so long.
It's not like a couple minutes. Sometimes it can go on for a long time.
(25:23):
And I'll say this, I'm never one in a situation to feel pressed to make conversation.
And I really don't with your family. But at first, when we first started dating and
i wasn't used to the kind of the silence you were like silence you're
like i should make should i be saying something right now should i
be doing when you're in the dating phase and you you're trying
to prove yourself you're trying to prove yourself and get to know people
right and you want to you know be out there and stuff you know
(25:46):
everyone's kind of quiet like should i should i make a conversation should
i start something up right now are we sitting inside is this a comfortable silence
are we are we mad at each other like i think it's just a process of
what's going on my family i mean that's a
whole nother thing but like my family doesn't talk
about the conflict so the silence could be like there
could be something going on and maybe that's
(26:07):
maybe it's trying to define what kind of silence it is and
it's not always clear experiencing this is a passive
aggressive silence is this just a content silence a
we're tired silence right i don't know there's different type of
silences so identifying that silence was kind of tricky when you first start
dating now i would say we can drive in the car with your family and i don't
(26:28):
feel at all pressure or anything but those early days it is something that you
definitely I experienced and I felt and so I'm sure someone else out there who
may be going through that same thing. What would your advice be to them?
Embrace the silence and try to find the silence. Now, I will say there are times
where I've broken the silence and I'm like, ooh, I don't know if I should have broken the silence.
Maybe that was an intentional silence. So just sit in the silence. Sit in the silence.
(26:54):
Here's my 411 for people out there going off that subject of you're getting
to know maybe your partner or something.
You never want to feel like you're injecting yourself into conversations too
too often. I'm big on that.
I'm always big about sharing, like, putting the spotlight on someone else.
I never like to really talk about myself. You like to ask questions. I like to ask questions.
I don't like to necessarily, you know, go off on a rant about me or my experiences.
(27:19):
Unless asked. Unless asked. And so I usually, in those experiences,
I've always asked for the parent or for the sibling to start asking me questions.
And then that gives me permission to share my life a bit more.
And I'll, you know, open up on it. But I mainly be inquisitive about someone
else. If you're inquisitive about someone else, I would find more times often
than not, they become inquisitive about you and then you get to know each other.
(27:40):
So I always think that asking questions is the best way to kind of deal with those situations.
But if there's silence, just sit in the silence. Sit in the silence.
Well, with your family, there is a total lack of alone time.
And as someone who I would say is a extroverted introvert, I do like my alone time to recharge.
(28:01):
That is not the case with your family on vacation.
Like everybody is in everybody's business all the time. And this is like everywhere.
Like they pee with the door open and like keep talking, like conversations keep happening.
Not all the time. Not all the time. But there have been times where my mother
(28:21):
will go to the restroom. I'm just going to use the restroom. Keep talking.
Keep talking. Sorry, I left the door open. I'll walk by.
Also, like, this is totally off topic, but like, I'll be...
Like in your house and your pa always seems.
To be right there like i'm going to the
bathroom and he's always in that hallway that one hallway and
(28:42):
he's like hi it's your pa like he's
always there but yes there's lack of alone.
Time on vacation everyone is like on my like
my family yes we have meal times together but there's also
like some freedom to go and explore and do your own
thing during the day sometimes unless we have like an activity planned
right where your family it's like the the
(29:04):
moments with your family are kind of like we do breakfast together you kind
of get some time with your spouse or whatever or
like whatever you guys need to do like they understand right
and then it's like meal time and then the
same kind of thing and then meal time and but your family
it's like we're doing everything together always and
like you're like you can't go in
(29:26):
the other room to have a moment to yourself because
they'll find you well i think it's i always
thought it was so interesting when i was a kid i used to go to my friend's house
and i'd be like gosh you spend a lot of time up here in
your room and you like never went in
your room they're like yeah it's my room and they go don't you
spend time in your room i'm like no we're i'm never
(29:46):
in my bedroom i sleep in there and like go there
to do like homework but for the most part my family is
in the family area like when you're home
with them yes you are expected to be
in the living room with his family like you cannot
just like go to your room like that was not if you go to your room someone will
go there and check on you like are you okay you feeling okay what's wrong i
(30:07):
remember when i first started dating like your family's also just different
and it's like a like high energy and a lot and like yeah different than what
i was used to so i feel like i sometimes and And there's like.
There's like playful bickering.
Or like teasing. There's constant ribbing, I would say. Yeah,
constant ribbing. And it like, again, house of boys.
(30:28):
It's a little exhausting when you're not used to it. So like,
I remember in the beginning, I would have to like go into the other room to
like recharge and like be like,
this is a lot. It's a lot. It's like my brother the other day,
I was asking to borrow his dumbbell.
And I'm like, oh, don't worry about it. I'm just going to grab 15 pounds and
bring it down. He's like, why even bother?
15 pounds? What is that even doing? But it's that kind of comment,
(30:52):
it constantly and i don't think kayla knew what to do with
it at first no i didn't and like i mean
and then it's like you're teasing me you tease
me more when we're with your family yeah because
everyone is like everyone's teasing each other though yeah because everyone's
teasing each other but i feel like it's constant and i'm like oh my god i i
like take it so personally and then you're like what's wrong and i'm like crying
(31:15):
because i i don't know how to handle it anyway There's definitely no time to yourself.
Everyone's in the car together. Everyone's going on here, there,
everywhere. You have the opportunity if you were saying like,
we're going to do this as a family.
They're totally cool with it, but it's definitely more the exception than the rule.
Now, they're more okay with it. With a kid, they're very understanding of like...
(31:39):
Oh, you guys need to do that? Like, we understand. I think it's just- But the
expectation, I think, when we were single was like, you're coming with us wherever we go.
Right, because that was just the expectation of the family. I think that goes
to how there can be such drastic differences between your family and the family
of your partner. And these are all kind of funny examples of that.
(32:00):
But as Caitlin said at the beginning of this, you do really have to understand
and acknowledge Acknowledge and accept that if you're going to marry your partner,
you're also marrying their family.
For better or for worse. And being okay with that. And it's okay for families
to be drastically different.
I would say that in a way, our families could not be more opposite than what they are.
(32:21):
But with that being said, they share something very important.
They share very similar values.
They do. And they love us. And they love us. And they love God.
And they very much hold themselves to the same set of values,
I would say. And so that is the defining factor of what keeps them similar,
although drastically different in just about every other way.
(32:41):
And so I think when you really boil this down, not to make this serious at the
end, but it's about finding a family,
finding a spouse whose family, one, you can accept and one, you can acknowledge
and love, but also making sure that their values are in line with your values.
And that might not always add up.
Your family might not be the perfect values and there might not be the perfect values.
(33:02):
We have to be aware of that and accept it before you get into a serious relationship.
Is that too deep? I mean, yeah, it's pretty deep.
Too much? Well, I mean. Should we not go there? I don't know.
I mean, you could go there. That's a whole nother can of worms because like.
We're just talking about it on the topic though. Okay. We're not going to go
too deep. We're not going to go too deep on it. I'll just leave it at that.
Okay, sounds good. Does that feel good?
(33:23):
That feels good. Do we need like a joke to close this or do we just close it? Do you have one?
No, no, you don't. It's fine. Let's just close it. I don't know how to tip tippity top of my tongue.
Well, tippity top of your tickety tack. Thank you for watching the show.
If you like it, you can subscribe. You can click the bell to be notified when we drop a new show.
You can follow us on socials. TikTok, Instagram, Twid, no, X.
(33:45):
And we're not on Twitter. Oh, we're not on Twitter? But, you know,
no, we're not there. Oh, we should be there.
That would be fun. I only have so many times, so much time for the five minutes
as I give attention to this project that we're doing.
But follow us over there. If you like the show, please comment.
Please let us know who you want us to talk about. Thanks, Mom, for listening.
We love you. Outside of that, I'm Justin. Catch you later. Bye.
So when I first started vacationing with your family, I remember,
I think we were taking a car ride somewhere.
I don't know where we're going. But I remember the car ride was just... Like we were quiet.
Nobody was talking. No one was talking. Well, your family doesn't stop talking. Yes.
That's accurate. Silence makes them uncomfortable. Now, I will say that is true,
(00:20):
especially with my mother.
And I love her. But if there's silence, she'll start humming.
And she doesn't think anyone else can hear her hum. She doesn't realize she's
humming. And I'm always like, Mom, we can all hear you humming.
And I was like, oh, you can hear me? And I'm like, yes, we can hear you.
It's pretty shocking and amazing when you think of the whole concept of getting
married and building a family. I always thought.
(00:42):
Like, I remember as a kid being kind of astounded by the fact that,
okay, I'm going to live my entire life with my parents and, like,
my brothers and my siblings.
And then one day, I'm going to go out there. I'm going to find a complete stranger
who I have no idea who they are or their background or what they've been doing with their life.
And I'm going to enjoy my life with their life and then start my own family.
(01:02):
Like, why would I care about this stranger? Like, who are they to me?
It's kind of weird. Is it?
You don't think it's a weird concept? I mean, I guess when you think about it
like that. Yeah, it's a little strange. Like, take it to any other scenario.
Like, if you were to say to someone like, hey, you're going to go to,
I'm trying to think of, like, you're going to go to like a college.
(01:22):
College you're gonna have this this classroom and
this teacher for your whole life and then you go into the workplace and
you change it i guess so i guess we do it a lot of different ways time i
don't know why it's so weird because it's like your family i don't i just feel
like it's it's it hits on a different level it does and like you might choose
this person but you don't know your family might not like that person no we're
(01:46):
gonna say no i was gonna say like you don't always like like choose the family.
It's kind of like you get the family.
And thankfully, I think we've been blessed with really good family on both sides.
They're just different. But like, it's like going, like you're buying the car
and you're getting everything inside the car or it's like a,
like a, an auction sale or a state sale where you're like, you buy this,
(02:09):
this wardrobe, you get everything inside it. You might not want it,
but you're getting everything with it.
When you marry someone and take them in, you're getting their families.
I feel like you're very negative about this. It should be a positive thing.
Oh, I'm just stating what it is. It is a positive thing. It could be great.
Yeah, there could be a treasurer inside there. There could be gold to blooms.
(02:30):
Gold to blooms? Why not? Gold to blooms. But, I mean, like you were saying,
we've both been very blessed. Not everyone's been so blessed.
No, some people have complicated families. families and
nothing nothing tests even
the best family relationship than family
vacations family vacations are very unique it's very
(02:51):
unique opportunity to really get to know someone
yes you're diving deep because there's all this personal time and
the time never ends like there's not separation at
times do you remember like going on
each other's family's first first vacation together
because I believe we were dating slash
engaged both like when we went
(03:13):
on like I went on vacation with your family and you went
on vacation with my family after we got engaged you remember like oh my goodness
we're our families are so different and they vacation so differently but that's
just the tip of the iceberg of the differences I feel yeah so and so I think
what we're hoping to do today is to uncover some of those those big family differences.
(03:36):
And maybe you at home listening will be like, this is a great conversation for
me to have with the person that I'm dating to kind of know what you're walking
into, which is important.
I think so. But I think this is more of a comedic take on the differences for family, our families.
Let's put a disclaimer out there before I move forward. We love it.
To our families, we love you. Love you. We love you all.
(03:57):
But we're gonna do it. You guys are different. You're very different. So-
Should we dive in? Yeah, you first. Okay. What's your first thing that you've
noticed that's super different about our family versus your family?
The love for food.
Now, I have never encountered. And your family is like the lack of food.
(04:18):
We could talk about that in a moment.
But Kaylin's whole family loves food.
And I dare say love is not a strong enough word. It's obsessed.
Is is actually fueled like
their their life is fueled by food now i
should have known this because because i i because kaylin loves
(04:41):
food you just didn't realize it transcended beyond me
everyone everyone in your family with the exception of your your stepdad god
love him who understands my me sitting there being like i can appreciate this
food i'm not obsessed with it but let me yes let me talk through what let me
define what this is first and and how it really came out on the most recent
(05:02):
vacation that we took with your family.
So we took a vacation with our family. We're out to dinner one night because you're on vacation.
You're likely eating out because you don't always have a kitchen available.
And our family, like the vacation revolves around mealtimes too.
So let's talk about the agenda first. The agenda for any vacation with Kaylin's
family begins with good morning breakfast.
(05:25):
And then there's a gap of time, not that long, maybe a few hours or so.
And then the next big moment in the agenda is lunch.
And then again, there's a gap of time, not that long.
And then the next big moment is dinner. And so there's three square meals a day without fail.
Your family has zero square meals a day. I have to pack snacks.
(05:47):
Okay, we'll talk about that later. But now we're saying the dinner table and
this came out most recently.
We're saying the dinner table and we're kind of ordering, I would say family
style. Like, you know, we're getting different entrees and appetizers.
But it's a strategic strategy.
We do so okay that begins to thus thus
begins the conversation when they go to order
dinner it's not just like oh i want to try that i'm gonna
(06:10):
try this and like okay they're like what are you ordering no what what what
are you gonna order are you gonna order this because i'm ordering this and like
if if you want you can have a you can have a piece of it do you want to share
are we sharing are you having a bite are you having a bite are you gonna eat
the whole thing like or it's like listen i'm eating more of this than then you
probably think i'm going to so So you should probably order your own.
And it is an actual discussion and strategic conversation that feels like I'm
(06:34):
at the Battle of Waterloo talking about where the armies are going to move and
in what direction and how and why, talking about how you're going to order this food.
And then when the food comes, okay. It's vicious.
It is. Especially dessert time. Like, I remember when we were...
I'm not even at dessert time. Let me talk about this for a second.
Appetizers. Appetizers come out. And so after we've had this kind of discussion
(06:57):
about everyone strategically saying, are you ordering that? I'm ordering this.
I'm going to order this and you're going to share that with me.
I want a bite of that and a bite of that. And it feels like you almost have
to put in like your requests, like at an auction in advance.
Like if you want to eat, you better make sure that you have signed up to have
a bite of something or share with something you're ordering something.
And if you ordered it and you're planning on eating the whole thing,
(07:19):
you better have notified everyone you're planning on eating the whole thing.
Now, the food comes out, and this is the funniest part to me.
And this happens several times when you're on vacation with your family.
The food comes out, and it might be like, hey, here's plate A.
And if someone ordered plate A, oh, that's over here.
And maybe someone else ordered plate A, but that other person already jumped on that plate A.
(07:40):
And now, you know, I have another order of plate A.
Oh, that's over here. It is just hysterical, the ownership that comes with the food.
Oh, I mean, when we were younger, it was bad because like. Share the dessert story.
We would, back in the day, we could only afford to go out to this one nice restaurant
(08:00):
like once and it was the highlight of the trip.
And they had these chocolate souffles and we would only get like one or two
to share. And I have a big family.
And so everyone had to get their spoon ready. I think it's important to say
there's like a minimum of how many people at the table, like 12 people usually. On a good day.
Right. right like just just this last trip it was
(08:22):
half of our family and it was like 12 people right so
it adds to the feel of all this going on and that's just immediate family
but you have to get your spoon ready and you know you had to get hell i said
with my spoon or else you weren't getting anything and it was like you you had
to partner up to like later on you would like partner up and it was like okay
(08:42):
so you like the gooey part i like the crunchy part.
And like divide the ice cream no i
know it's really so polite well so and
then one other thing about the food is not only is there
just such ownership of like wanting to to taste this
food when they taste this food there you
have to read a book before going out to dinner with these
(09:04):
people like there is such a vernacular of like i
mean you know you kind of watch those those videos of
like you know someone with wine i smell old
leather like that's kind of what it it is at times with your family
like oh like the sommelier the food the crunch
comes just before that little whisper of the seaweed or
whatever i'm like what are you talking about what are you talking
(09:25):
about we're not that bad i'm exaggerated a bit but a bit but yes we do we love
food they talk about it with such love and passion which i mean there's nothing
wrong with that you can love things i will say it's very funny because i feel
like on this last trip there's a meal i was sitting there i was sitting across
from your stepdad and i was kind of talking to him but like,
you know, they talk about food in this way that I'll never understand.
(09:46):
He was just like, yep, yep.
He's so low key, I love him. I appreciate it. I felt like I wasn't alone in
that moment. I felt seen.
Now, all that being said, because your family's obsessed with food,
I will say we are very blessed to have some terrific meals.
Like the food is delicious and always good. And that Italian place was so good.
But then they'll talk about it forever. Oh, it's very memorable.
(10:07):
It's like, these are core memories. Like your family's core memories are around
food or around the dinner table. I do have core memories about food.
Like the other, this is an example from this morning. I had a bad dream and
I had a very tragic dream and I was sharing with Kayla. I'm like,
I had this really bad nightmare.
It was very bad. I'm not going to share it. But then she goes,
(10:28):
she goes, I also had a weird dream.
She's like, you left about a hundred dollars worth of meat in the car from Trader
Joe's. I was trying to make you laugh. And it spoiled.
And I'm like, look, I'm telling you this tragedy And then you share your tragedy,
which revolves around food.
I was just trying to make you laugh, but I do have a lot of food dreams. It's really weird.
You've dreamed about food at least every other day for the past couple of weeks. I don't know why.
(10:52):
Maybe I'm hungry. Always. You're always hungry. So the love for food is one
of those things I never quite, I don't know if I could ever explain it to someone truly.
I've tried to do it here and I've over-exaggerated a bit in an attempt to kind of share my experience.
But something that definitely you don't experience in my family because my family never
eats as you pointed out oh my gosh they never eat and i'm starving all
(11:14):
the time and i just feel like i'm wasting away when
i'm on vacation with your family and i'm like can we
eat and your dad wants to eat but he's not allowed to voice that like desire
and he's like hiding sandwiches in his like cargo shorts he has he has he always
wears he has granola bars stuffed in there oh yeah because Because my mom and
(11:35):
my brother can go days without eating.
Yeah, they'll eat one meal a day. They'll eat one meal a day.
Not good for you. It's not good for you, but I just can't.
Do it i will so i do want to share one more story about
oh my gosh now this is another great example podcast
it's a good episode it's like
we went on a plane the other day and caitlin's like
i'm going to prepare food for this long flight to go on this family vacation seven hour
(11:59):
flight so most people on a seven hour flight like okay you
know prepare from food get some snacks things like that i'm like
she's like i'm gonna make some sandwiches okay that makes sense so i'm thinking
my mind like pretty basic sandwiches like you
know some cheese or some meat and you know
maybe be like a peanut butter and jelly makes sense and then kaylin comes
out she's like okay i may pack two sandwiches can you
please describe the sandwiches yes so we got bread from this
(12:20):
really good italian place by our house that he can eat because it's like made
from italy because you have some gluten issues and i did turkey and cheese with
a fig jam and some dijon mustard and then i did salami and cheese with an olive
tapenade sounds fancy isn't grabbed it at trader joe's.
(12:42):
But you it was delicious i was
very happy with her choices much better than anything
at the airport of course i will never complain about the food
but i will but you do like to joke about it yes well
let's talk about some of your family differences this does
not necessarily have to do with family vacations although they do
obsess about their dogs on vacation but
(13:03):
i have never met a family who loves their
dogs as much as your family there is so
much puppy love in that household his parents have
three dogs london paris and
rome yes very cute they all have nicknames and the european pooches the european
pooches they are so well taken care of i have never met dogs who are treated
(13:26):
better than most humans like it is a good life to live that puppy life in your parents' household.
Like, they are... They eat better than, like, most people. Like, they have...
They have their kibble and like homemade meat every day. Like they get their treats.
(13:46):
Your mom. Again, you're focused on the food. I'm just.
I'd say throw that out there. It's well fed. There's cameras set out up in the
whole house while we're on vacation.
Like ring cameras so that his. Not for security. Not for security.
So his mom can check in on the pooches.
And they're like the names of them are hilarious. It's like London's dance party.
(14:09):
Rome spotlight dance. oh rome spotlight london's village london's village they're
just like the cutest little dogs.
Yeah i and i feel so bad because i didn't
grow up with pets so i don't understand
this love that is like for a human but for a dog like i like dogs don't get
(14:29):
me wrong but like i don't love them the way your mom loves them and she knows
she can tell that love isn't quite i mean i will say my mother is somewhat obsessive about her dogs.
Now, the dogs are somewhat obsessive about her, though. Oh, they adore her.
They cannot live without her. They have anxiety when we go on vacation to where
(14:52):
they eat at their little skin.
To literally where the veterinarian said, you should probably get your dogs
registered as a, what is it called when you need a- Like an emotional support
pet. Emotional support pet.
But my mom is the emotional support human- For the dog. For the dog, yes.
Yes. Yes. I mean it is it is a little it is a little different now however I
(15:12):
mean you even told me on our first date that you will never love a woman as
much as you loved your childhood dog Mai Tai like her picture not yeah not her not her ashes.
May she rest in peace and then i
think when our daughter was born you were like oh okay i love her
(15:35):
more i love her more than my tie and she's the only one joking
no we are we
are a little if you came back and then not that reincarnation is real but if
you if it was and he came back as a as a dog in your house my family's house
that's a great life it's a really good life i mean there's there's a lot of
time and care and love they get they go to like physical therapy They don't, I'm going to share this.
(16:00):
They don't sleep on dog beds and they don't sleep on the, on the floors.
Not only do they sleep in my parents' room, they have a separate bed.
It's like a human size normal mattress that is dedicated to them.
However, only one of them sleeps on there. The other two still sleep in the
bed with my parents, but it's just, it is a good life.
But I mean, you could say that we're obsessive about other things in our family. You could. Okay. Okay.
(16:25):
This one blew my mind. When Kayla and I were dating.
Pre-kids. Obviously, we didn't have children because we're dating. We're not married yet.
And I would go over to their house and she has an older sister who has two little ones.
And, you know, they're kids. How old were they when we were dating?
Oh, gosh. I don't know. Well, one wasn't even born yet. So, two.
(16:49):
Three, and then a baby. Young kids, young kids.
We would go over there for like family dinner sometimes. And I just didn't understand this.
There was, I honestly felt like these kids are the eighth wonder of the world.
And I was the only one who didn't know it.
And like- You just didn't get it yet. I didn't understand it.
I've never been a huge kid person.
And you don't- Until I had a kid. You don't have nieces. To be honest,
(17:10):
I still don't like kids. I like my kid. I don't like anyone else's kid. But you might like-
your nieces and nephews? Well, I mean, I like my family, like family.
I'm just saying like, I don't adore children.
They're cute, but I don't get why everyone's obsessive over them.
We would eat dinner and then they'd be like, okay, what are we going to do now?
And I'm thinking like, let's play a board game. Let's like, you know,
chat, let's do something.
(17:31):
No, let's gather around the couch and let's all watch as the little ones play
and just watch in silence.
And I was, It was just like this thing and they're like, oh my goodness.
She's so cute. Look how cute. And I'm like, what are we doing here?
Like, what is going on? You understand
now, though. Well, I get it with my daughter. I understand it now.
(17:52):
And your family thinks our daughter is the eighth wonder of the world.
Yes, and they do the exact same thing now.
So I will say I do now understand.
But at the time. But at the time, as a young man, as a good looking young man
sitting there around the couch, coach being like, why are we all just staring at the kids?
They're kids. They're going to crawl. They're going to stall.
(18:12):
They're going to stand up. They're going to put the puzzle piece in.
It's not rocket science. This isn't that remarkable.
There's nothing mind blowing about what's going on here. But now you get it. I get it more now.
I would say I understand it now. I have appreciation for, yeah,
I love, obviously I love our daughter and I am in awe of her.
Now at the same time though, I wouldn't say I could sit there at for hours
(18:35):
staring at her like I but like I could I could have a conversation with you
and be with her or be playing actively engaged with her yes but just not like
sitting there on the sidelines but just not watching oh my goodness look at
how cute they are like just oh like I could do that for about 15 minutes with
her probably okay 30 minutes.
But did you ever think it was weird,
(18:56):
No, because I think she's as cute as I love my niece.
I was obsessed with her the moment she was born. I love them. I think they're great.
But I just don't get the, I'm going to watch them do life and just be in awe of it.
I mean, I was also there like when she was born and I was over at her house
like all the time. And I never was around kids until your family.
(19:17):
Well, yeah, until our daughter, even to your niece and nephew.
I was the oldest sibling, so I had younger siblings, but I never was around
little kids kids at the big age gap yeah they're not my kids yeah so i just
thought it was it was kind of.
Interesting to me and i used to i said i tell you i told you
about it we're dead i'm like you're like why are we staring at the
(19:37):
kids and i was like you just don't get it because they're like not
your family about it but it's true i didn't understand
it because they weren't my family yet so they're cute but
back to my family back to your family okay so
when we go on vacation with with your family we usually
go some places where there are crowds of
people and your family will like
(19:59):
mow people down like watch out
we're coming through like they're like
it's like a strategy there's like definitely a strategy walking through a crowd
with your family and it it is to protect us and our daughter but it's so funny
because it'll be like the dad goes ahead and he like like builds a wall and
(20:21):
like mows people over sometimes.
If you're in the way, you're being knocked down. Like pay attention, people.
He's coming through. And then we like come in and then like your mom and your
brother like flank the sides.
It's really hilarious. I've never seen a family do this. It's so protective and like just.
Now, often this is taking place like at a Disney World or an amusement park
(20:46):
type of crowd, stuff like that.
But there is definitely a, my dad goes in front and he is the bulldozer.
And we say, just create a lane.
And then everyone else follows. And then someone brings up the rear.
And it is like marching a battalion down the street. It is.
And I've never seen people do it. Or it's like, get in line.
Like, we're coming through.
(21:07):
I think that has something to do with a house full of men. It's definitely more aggressive.
Like, I grew up in a house full of sisters and like one brother, but mostly sisters.
So it was just like more like, oh, it's okay. You can go in front.
It's like, no, we were here. We were here.
We were here. This is our place. This is our spot.
(21:28):
Talk about the elevator. Oh, and okay.
And then when we go, like you're at the airport and you're like getting your
luggage and you're going into the elevator. Yeah.
Like his dad will stand at the front so that
like there's plenty of room in the elevator they just
don't like other people i think it's a private ride this is a private ride
sorry also it's like you never know if they're sick people or whatever
(21:49):
and my my my family is obsessive
about avoiding sick people yeah as am i there's like codes
if someone's coughing you like run the other way and
they shout out this code i don't think it's that discreet but
like whatever they're like code h code h
and someone's like code h
(22:09):
hacker alert hacker alert escape escape
escape run the other way and then they're
mowing people down in the crowd to get away from people
it's just it's so aggressive and i'm
not used to it i'm like so polite so it's
like why are we blocking the elevator why are
we mowing people down like yeah and then we get in the elevator and we're like
(22:33):
we're like you know people are people are coming trying to catch the elevator
you're like holding that close button oh i'm so sorry it didn't work horrible it's not very nice.
Oh it's not it's not the right thing to do but it is very funny
it makes makes for good podcast content again
i think that has something to do with growing up in a household of men
(22:55):
like you know my mom was my mom and my grandma were
stuck with you know two three three boys
at home plus my dad plus my grandpa so and
i don't think they're like timid people either my mom
and my grandma no my grandma be the first one close that elevator door i
don't want anyone else in here she was she was probably the
most aggressive she she would walk in front there'd be
(23:16):
a line she's like i ain't gonna wait in that line she would walk to the front
be like excuse me and she just if she had a question or something she would
cut a lot oh did she absolutely yes she's like i'm not gonna wait in that line
again i'll go to the front and ask the question she'll go up there and then
she'll be taking care of whatever it is i'm like did you have to wait ain't
locked out i just went to the front i'd be mortified i'd be like oh gosh mom grandma no.
(23:37):
We're very assertive people yeah and i'm just
not so and with being assertive
people it also makes a house never quiet which goes to my next thing with your
family the sound of silence i've never encountered a house a car ride a dinner
where you could hear a needle a needle drop and it is... A pin?
(24:01):
Yes, like a pin drop. I think it's because I grew up in a house with again,
like I just shared. Your house is...
Chaos oh constant chaos i don't three
three boys my grandparents have lived with this since i was like
eight so you had three three three boys grandparents
parents at least two or three dogs and dogs plus
(24:21):
there was a bird in there there's some fish in there oh my goodness in
there but so there's just never been a moment of chaos
quiet in my house so when i
first started vacationing with your family i remember
i think we're taking a car ride somewhere i don't
know where we're were going but i remember the car where i was just like we
were quiet nobody was talking no one was talking well
(24:42):
your family doesn't stop talking that yes
like that's accurate silence makes them uncomfortable that is now i will say
that is true especially with my mother and i love her but if there's silence
she'll start humming and she doesn't she doesn't think anyone else can hear
her hum and i'm always like mom we can all hear you humming i was like oh you
can hear me and i'm I'm like, yes, we can hear you.
(25:03):
God bless her. So yes, there is a thing in my family where I think everyone
is scared. Now, scared of silence. With that being said, I think I'm very comfortable in silence.
You are, but- Even though I come from a family who isn't comfortable with silence.
Yes, you are comfortable with it. But sometimes your family's silence, it's so long.
It's not like a couple minutes. Sometimes it can go on for a long time.
(25:23):
And I'll say this, I'm never one in a situation to feel pressed to make conversation.
And I really don't with your family. But at first, when we first started dating and
i wasn't used to the kind of the silence you were like silence you're
like i should make should i be saying something right now should i
be doing when you're in the dating phase and you you're trying
to prove yourself you're trying to prove yourself and get to know people
right and you want to you know be out there and stuff you know
(25:46):
everyone's kind of quiet like should i should i make a conversation should
i start something up right now are we sitting inside is this a comfortable silence
are we are we mad at each other like i think it's just a process of
what's going on my family i mean that's a
whole nother thing but like my family doesn't talk
about the conflict so the silence could be like there
could be something going on and maybe that's
(26:07):
maybe it's trying to define what kind of silence it is and
it's not always clear experiencing this is a passive
aggressive silence is this just a content silence a
we're tired silence right i don't know there's different type of
silences so identifying that silence was kind of tricky when you first start
dating now i would say we can drive in the car with your family and i don't
(26:28):
feel at all pressure or anything but those early days it is something that you
definitely I experienced and I felt and so I'm sure someone else out there who
may be going through that same thing. What would your advice be to them?
Embrace the silence and try to find the silence. Now, I will say there are times
where I've broken the silence and I'm like, ooh, I don't know if I should have broken the silence.
Maybe that was an intentional silence. So just sit in the silence. Sit in the silence.
(26:54):
Here's my 411 for people out there going off that subject of you're getting
to know maybe your partner or something.
You never want to feel like you're injecting yourself into conversations too
too often. I'm big on that.
I'm always big about sharing, like, putting the spotlight on someone else.
I never like to really talk about myself. You like to ask questions. I like to ask questions.
I don't like to necessarily, you know, go off on a rant about me or my experiences.
(27:19):
Unless asked. Unless asked. And so I usually, in those experiences,
I've always asked for the parent or for the sibling to start asking me questions.
And then that gives me permission to share my life a bit more.
And I'll, you know, open up on it. But I mainly be inquisitive about someone
else. If you're inquisitive about someone else, I would find more times often
than not, they become inquisitive about you and then you get to know each other.
(27:40):
So I always think that asking questions is the best way to kind of deal with those situations.
But if there's silence, just sit in the silence. Sit in the silence.
Well, with your family, there is a total lack of alone time.
And as someone who I would say is a extroverted introvert, I do like my alone time to recharge.
(28:01):
That is not the case with your family on vacation.
Like everybody is in everybody's business all the time. And this is like everywhere.
Like they pee with the door open and like keep talking, like conversations keep happening.
Not all the time. Not all the time. But there have been times where my mother
(28:21):
will go to the restroom. I'm just going to use the restroom. Keep talking.
Keep talking. Sorry, I left the door open. I'll walk by.
Also, like, this is totally off topic, but like, I'll be...
Like in your house and your pa always seems.
To be right there like i'm going to the
bathroom and he's always in that hallway that one hallway and
(28:42):
he's like hi it's your pa like he's
always there but yes there's lack of alone.
Time on vacation everyone is like on my like
my family yes we have meal times together but there's also
like some freedom to go and explore and do your own
thing during the day sometimes unless we have like an activity planned
right where your family it's like the the
(29:04):
moments with your family are kind of like we do breakfast together you kind
of get some time with your spouse or whatever or
like whatever you guys need to do like they understand right
and then it's like meal time and then the
same kind of thing and then meal time and but your family
it's like we're doing everything together always and
like you're like you can't go in
(29:26):
the other room to have a moment to yourself because
they'll find you well i think it's i always
thought it was so interesting when i was a kid i used to go to my friend's house
and i'd be like gosh you spend a lot of time up here in
your room and you like never went in
your room they're like yeah it's my room and they go don't you
spend time in your room i'm like no we're i'm never
(29:46):
in my bedroom i sleep in there and like go there
to do like homework but for the most part my family is
in the family area like when you're home
with them yes you are expected to be
in the living room with his family like you cannot
just like go to your room like that was not if you go to your room someone will
go there and check on you like are you okay you feeling okay what's wrong i
(30:07):
remember when i first started dating like your family's also just different
and it's like a like high energy and a lot and like yeah different than what
i was used to so i feel like i sometimes and And there's like.
There's like playful bickering.
Or like teasing. There's constant ribbing, I would say. Yeah,
constant ribbing. And it like, again, house of boys.
(30:28):
It's a little exhausting when you're not used to it. So like,
I remember in the beginning, I would have to like go into the other room to
like recharge and like be like,
this is a lot. It's a lot. It's like my brother the other day,
I was asking to borrow his dumbbell.
And I'm like, oh, don't worry about it. I'm just going to grab 15 pounds and
bring it down. He's like, why even bother?
15 pounds? What is that even doing? But it's that kind of comment,
(30:52):
it constantly and i don't think kayla knew what to do with
it at first no i didn't and like i mean
and then it's like you're teasing me you tease
me more when we're with your family yeah because
everyone is like everyone's teasing each other though yeah because everyone's
teasing each other but i feel like it's constant and i'm like oh my god i i
like take it so personally and then you're like what's wrong and i'm like crying
(31:15):
because i i don't know how to handle it anyway There's definitely no time to yourself.
Everyone's in the car together. Everyone's going on here, there,
everywhere. You have the opportunity if you were saying like,
we're going to do this as a family.
They're totally cool with it, but it's definitely more the exception than the rule.
Now, they're more okay with it. With a kid, they're very understanding of like...
(31:39):
Oh, you guys need to do that? Like, we understand. I think it's just- But the
expectation, I think, when we were single was like, you're coming with us wherever we go.
Right, because that was just the expectation of the family. I think that goes
to how there can be such drastic differences between your family and the family
of your partner. And these are all kind of funny examples of that.
(32:00):
But as Caitlin said at the beginning of this, you do really have to understand
and acknowledge Acknowledge and accept that if you're going to marry your partner,
you're also marrying their family.
For better or for worse. And being okay with that. And it's okay for families
to be drastically different.
I would say that in a way, our families could not be more opposite than what they are.
(32:21):
But with that being said, they share something very important.
They share very similar values.
They do. And they love us. And they love us. And they love God.
And they very much hold themselves to the same set of values,
I would say. And so that is the defining factor of what keeps them similar,
although drastically different in just about every other way.
(32:41):
And so I think when you really boil this down, not to make this serious at the
end, but it's about finding a family,
finding a spouse whose family, one, you can accept and one, you can acknowledge
and love, but also making sure that their values are in line with your values.
And that might not always add up.
Your family might not be the perfect values and there might not be the perfect values.
(33:02):
We have to be aware of that and accept it before you get into a serious relationship.
Is that too deep? I mean, yeah, it's pretty deep.
Too much? Well, I mean. Should we not go there? I don't know.
I mean, you could go there. That's a whole nother can of worms because like.
We're just talking about it on the topic though. Okay. We're not going to go
too deep. We're not going to go too deep on it. I'll just leave it at that.
Okay, sounds good. Does that feel good?
(33:23):
That feels good. Do we need like a joke to close this or do we just close it? Do you have one?
No, no, you don't. It's fine. Let's just close it. I don't know how to tip tippity top of my tongue.
Well, tippity top of your tickety tack. Thank you for watching the show.
If you like it, you can subscribe. You can click the bell to be notified when we drop a new show.
You can follow us on socials. TikTok, Instagram, Twid, no, X.
(33:45):
And we're not on Twitter. Oh, we're not on Twitter? But, you know,
no, we're not there. Oh, we should be there.
That would be fun. I only have so many times, so much time for the five minutes
as I give attention to this project that we're doing.
But follow us over there. If you like the show, please comment.
Please let us know who you want us to talk about. Thanks, Mom, for listening.
We love you. Outside of that, I'm Justin. Catch you later. Bye.
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