April 24, 2024 • 20 mins
Today, we delve into the whirlwind of emotions and challenges that come with the first week of marriage. From the excitement of saying "I do" to navigating the realities of living together, we explore the unexpected turbulence and invaluable lessons learned during this pivotal time. Discover the importance of patience, perseverance, and commitment, and gain practical tips for managing expectations and finding balance in your new life together.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
You just said I do. You had that very passionate kiss up there at the altar.
You're officially married. Congratulations.
Now you get to start your life together. And that first week is absolute hell. What? It's it?
We learned a lot in our first. Oh, first week. The first week of marriage.
(00:21):
After post, post little honeymoon, little. Mini moon. Mini moon or whatever
you have. Which we didn't do.
Right. All things would have been better. When you, okay.
Let me rephrase it when you get home and all
the fun festivities are done life is
fun you learn a lot
you learn a lot it's a it's it's a
(00:42):
doozy it's a doozy as kaylee would say so
we're talking about that first week as i'll call it that first real moment in
time where you are living together as a couple if you previously were not living
together before which we highly recommend not Not doing because the stats say
you'll probably get divorced. Not to be a downer.
(01:03):
Bum, bum, bum. But don't do it because you're a better shot.
And also, let's talk about how once you get married, it's hell.
So either way, it's not going to be good. It's a positive episode.
It's great. No, you learn a lot.
What were some of the biggest things that you felt you learned once we got home
from the mini moon and all the wedding glow was kind of over?
(01:25):
And you actually had to start building this life together. What were some of
the biggest surprises for you? How much time you need by yourself.
Like, okay, so we didn't move in together, in together to that first week.
We both had our separate places and we were like packing bags,
going back and forth to each other's places.
(01:46):
So he had like a one bedroom small apartment and then I had like two bedroom
townhouse. So it was much more...
Space so people can like there's multiple
restrooms so you
can like go have your quiet time when you
do your business i just remember like you
(02:08):
like you there's nowhere else to go in your apartment and you used to not mind
me coming over but when i was like there for like 24 hours 48 hours i think
you were like is she gonna leave like i kind of need some space what would i do I don't know.
Like, I think I would like go into the room, but you were there and I think
(02:29):
you got like bothered that I was like trying to like hug you or something.
And you're I think you were like, I need to go for a walk by myself. Like you needed space.
I think you were like, holy moly, what did I do?
This woman made a huge mistake this woman is with
me all the time and i can't get rid of her is the vibe i felt and i could be
(02:53):
wrong but i could be right i will say there was an element when she we got back
home of wow she is always here like she is always around well i will say.
One of the things that i'll point out and it kind of
thing ties into that is i would often do like doing
(03:14):
some band exercises or workouts oh and stuff
you and i was like in the living room while he was
doing it and he was like can you go into the room like
i don't go to the bedroom he was like i don't like
an audience for my workouts and i was like
i was i think i was like on the computer working
and like doing emails and he was like i need
(03:35):
my personal space and i was like like holy
what i'm your wife yeah that's
and he was like yes you're my wife like i
didn't know what i don't i don't really
like working out in front of people it's
kind of it's kind of like my i get i get into a mental zone i do my thing especially
(03:56):
when i'm doing like band exercises like it's just like it's not something i
want someone there watching me do and so yes i would I would agree that I did
need probably more alone time than you did.
But like we used to spend so much time together.
Like I was over, we were over at each other's places all the time because it
(04:19):
was like we didn't have to work. I always went home.
And then it was like, oh boy, she's not going away.
She would go home and I have that hour to myself would be like,
okay. You could like decompress and do what you want to do. Oh,
now I can just do my life real quick.
Yeah. And that was gone. Yeah. And so all I had left was my mornings.
(04:40):
And then she would come sit on the couch while I'm doing my band exercise.
Oh, I had to work. There was nowhere else to work.
It's a bad idea I think also some things I
regret and some things I wish we did differently was I
do I do think we should we took like a mini
moon we got married out of state and we had like two
days there and I took like a couple
(05:02):
extra days off work and Justin's like I'm just gonna
keep on working like and we had
to cancel our honeymoon because of like weird travel restrictions
restrictions and so then we had to rebook our honeymoon
for like weeks later and just this
is the time of covid yeah time of covid so we had
to like rebook our honeymoon and it was like a
(05:24):
month or two out and i do regret that because i think it would have been different
different had you had we had that time yeah i will say i have because then i
think we would have like come back home and been like we both need a little
space right as opposed to just getting married and then being like,
okay, back to normal life.
I will say I have recommended to my friends who have gotten married since or
(05:46):
got engaged saying, hey, you really should take Ty to do your honeymoon right
after the wedding because it is a great time to bond.
And obviously your partner wants to be with you. Yeah, we had a great honeymoon once we did.
Well, what was so weird about us at first, and this is one of the things I think,
going back to the space thing, is that we had two separate places because we're
kind of waiting for my lease to expire and we hadn't really had time to pack
(06:09):
up and move and all that stuff.
And so there'd be some nights because I worked across town where my apartment
was, but we obviously enjoyed staying at Caitlin's place more because she had more room.
But I'd be like, I have a super early morning, so I'm just going to drive back
up to my apartment tonight and spend the night and get a good night's rest.
And it would get you so irritated. And I'm like, well, I just want to sleep.
(06:32):
This drove me up a wall because we're married. Wouldn't you want to spend time with your wife?
And it's like, what? Who does that?
I was like, I guess we're getting divorced because he doesn't even want to spend the night with me.
And then I was like, I'll go with you. And he's like, no. But you don't have to. It's so early.
(06:56):
I can go by myself. I was so mad. I think it helped me ease into marriage.
No. Also, I would tell people, prep your new home so that you come home to your new home together.
That was awful. I can't believe we did that. I know it worked out for the best
because of our situation, but no, don't do it. Don't do what we did.
(07:20):
It was, oh, I almost got an annulment.
No, I didn't. But I thought about it. I was like, am I going to have to get
this marriage annulled? He doesn't even want to spend the night next to me.
I just like to prioritize sleep for like a big event that I had to work,
which I think a lot of people drop in the comments.
If you had to work like a big event, big event, it was like your physical therapy
(07:43):
or something. Well, that was early.
It's 6 a.m. Do you want to drive? If you could drive a half an hour with no
traffic or drive an hour and 15 minutes in traffic, I would go with you. And you could have.
I think I did. You did a few times. And I was like, oh, okay.
I'm joking. All right, moving on. Because we spent way too much time on this.
(08:04):
One of the things I think that anyone should prepare for when they kind of start
that living with their partner is just build up.
Maybe this is a me problem. Build up the grace and the patience needed to merge your things together.
Was that a big issue that first week for you? Also, how the other person's.
(08:30):
Organization skills are and their cleanliness
is and clean is i'm clean you're you're
fairly clean yes but she's she's
clean but i would say she is not organized i'm not disorganized and i think
having lived by my like lived in i've been living by myself in my own apartment
since i was in a senior in college so we're talking like almost fake news 10
(08:55):
years i know a secret i lived with with a girlfriend for a small period of time.
Outside of that, I live by myself in my apartment.
And that was a mistake, by the way, the girlfriend thing. Going back.
So having lived, again, getting to my point, you build up tendencies and you build up habits.
And one of the habits I had built up is that my house was, I think,
(09:15):
immaculately organized.
I could steer you and tell you where everything was in that apartment.
And when I got with Kaylin, I'd be like, hey, hey
where are your scissors at and she's like i don't know
i feel like maybe upstairs maybe downstairs maybe here
maybe there and i go on these like treasure hunts
looking for things in your house and you would find them eventually you know
(09:38):
what though you do this still to this day i will say it's in the car it's right
here or like i'm not sure but i think it's by the stroller and you like only
look in one spot you don't like look around to see like and then you're like it's It's not there.
And then I go out and it's like, it is there. Well, sometimes I'll ask you like,
hey, where is this Adeline diaper bag? You're like, it's in the diaper bag.
(09:58):
But like, I'm like, well, where in the diaper bag? Is it in the right pocket,
the left pocket, the back pocket, the side pocket?
Underneath the things behind this thing? I don't know. I'm prepared.
Do you remember that one time? Let's recap this story again.
Do you remember that one time when you're in my apartment and you're looking for scissors?
Yes, the scissors. And what did I say? You were like, it's in the left third one down.
It should be in that bin. And yes, it was.
(10:20):
I'm just saying okay to have the patience and the
grace yes yes for your partner to merge your
lives because it's not easy you're you you both have built up these tendencies
did you especially if you get married in you know in your 30s like us when you
we're like old people we've like already like built up like i get my newspaper
and i sit on my you're stuck in your ways a bit more yeah i don't think i think
(10:43):
that's a that's a reasonable thing to say to be prepared for Yeah, that's it.
It is. Do you remember some other like shocking moments from our first week of marriage? Well...
Yes what are you gonna say so i
now that i'm thinking about this
this is all about a lot of this is about me having my privacy
i don't like it when people put on
(11:06):
their makeup in the bathroom while i'm showering and then
they try to hold a conversation with me very specific i
know but you don't like anyone to
be in the bathroom while you're showering no
but i don't that's just how how
the bathroom was set up it was like the two sinks
with the shower and it's not like there's an extra
(11:27):
door and so it's like you have to be in here right now but
i had to get ready and you had to get ready
you have very specific needs it's really frustrating am i more needy in this
relationship yes maybe in this way in this way you are i'm emotionally more
needy but you're more needy in these sort of things i'm just i just i guess
(11:49):
at the end of the day i just want on personal space.
And you know what? Now you have to live without it.
And you've gotten used to me always walking in into the bathroom in the most
inopportune moments while you're showering.
She walks in every single time when I'm trying to do a little bit of cleaning
down below and I want to wash a private area.
(12:10):
It doesn't matter if I take a five-minute shower or a 20-minute shower.
Hour she will walk in the room when i try to attempt to clean i don't i don't
try to and every time i'm like are you kidding me i'm like this every time he's taking a shower i'm like.
I'm sorry. I didn't see anything. I heard it, but I didn't see it.
(12:30):
No one wants to hear that. No one wants to be known that they can hear that.
Now, it's been great practice because now not only do I have to deal with you
in the bathroom when I shower.
Oh, Lila loves to see you shower. My daughter loves to watch me shower in the
morning. She's so happy to see you.
It's like she just woke up and she's like, there's daddy. But I don't mind her doing it.
(12:51):
I'm sorry. It's differently. friendly because
she because she's so happy i think because she's not
asking anything of me she's just watching me i'm just
doing my makeup getting ready kind of asking for
conversation at times you'll you'll you'll say
something i just love you i love you
too to you all right what else you got oh
(13:13):
i just remember i don't know i think i
think well i think it was because we didn't do the honeymoon
i guess this is getting personal and intimate and you
went back to work but I thought like oh like that
intimate sexy time was gonna happen more often especially
like the first week of marriage and I waited a long time and it like didn't
(13:34):
and I realized like oh maybe this is just like a weekend thing like when when
we're working and like then maybe like one week night thing like I don't know
why because like you talk about your expectations and it's It's like,
oh, it's going to happen.
And then you're like busy and tired and like the retainer goes in and you're
like, oh, it's not happening tonight.
(13:57):
I developing a a schedule an intimacy schedule
which a lot of people struggle with this but we
talked especially when they get older now when they're first married but we talked
about this and i was like should we like have a day that
we like definitely have sex and you're
like no like that takes away the passion and
the romance and the surprise and i was like
(14:18):
okay and then it was like okay
like we'll always have sex on sunday or saturday or something
like that there will will always be one day where it
happens this is this was like more of an issue
at the beginning yeah then it was like communicating that i
felt weird communicating like what's normal
do you love me desire me that sort of thing i think you're trying to figure
(14:42):
out if you've i you shouldn't have sex until you get married but like when you
get married you're trying to figure that out figure out the cadence of it like
yes like that's a good thing to discuss what's like our normal you should And what's like our,
what is satisfying to both of us.
You should probably have a conversation about it before it becomes an issue.
But we, yes. And we talked about it before we got married, but I think it was
(15:05):
useful to talk about like after. It definitely wasn't really. Once it's happening.
Came up again. Yeah. That's a good one.
That's a good one. I like that one quite a bit. Yeah. I think that's smart.
I think a lot of people don't think about that because you just think you're
going to be in the, you know.
You're like, I'm going to do whatever you get me. It's a passion, but. we're
gonna love each other so much life happens and to your
(15:25):
point we did jump right into life life and
i had like a huge project didn't i i think i had a huge probably
it feels like it feels like every season of life we always have a huge
project yeah like when you're busy it's just like sleep is top of mind you know
like right you're tired like i think that's that's totally fine too that's normal
it's something to to expect yeah oof that first week it's a lot i think my My
(15:51):
last thing that I'll share,
if you have anything else, I'd love to hear it, is just.
One of the things that, this is kind of weird, is that I felt like I wasn't
calling my mom as much that first week of marriage. You call your mom a lot.
You think I call my mom a lot. No, no, you used to call your mom a lot before we got married.
(16:13):
Yes, because that's what I'm saying. Before we got married. Because you would
call her, yes, back to or from my place. So I was talking to my mom every day
for like 30 minutes to 45 minutes. And then my mom...
It's like, are you okay? Are you alive? What's going on? I'm like,
oh yeah, like I haven't called you. And it's just because like, I don't really have.
Time by myself. Like she's on top of me all the time. Like how can I, I'm joking.
(16:37):
It's a joke. But it's one of those things. But yeah, you're together all the
time. You're together all the time.
So like you lose a lot of, like, especially because I was driving.
I would always make phone calls when I was driving.
You lose a lot of time to connect with your family or your friends.
And so just preparing for that. You kind of go into the marriage bubble.
Like yes so kind of preparing your friends and family
for that in case they feel like they haven't heard from you but also having that
(16:59):
conversation with your partner of like hey i need to call my mom i
need time to like call my mom and you know it sounds
so funny but like i know you're in your mom's relationship yeah
it's like i need i need to go call my mom or like i need to have time to like
call my friends and so i think not i think i kind of felt weird about that and
so don't feel weird about it make it a conversation and try to establish that
(17:22):
you know When you are ready to start having those interactions again with the outside world,
outside your marriage bubble. Yeah, once you get out of your marriage hidey hole.
I remember those conversations like, hey, my friend wants to go get coffee this weekend.
Can I go by myself?
It felt so weird to ask for permission for stuff. It was like, hey, what do you think?
(17:43):
We have to do this double date on this night.
But like if I go get coffee
with my girlfriend like you can like go do whatever
you want during that time like it's just weird to
start coordinating that yes the coordination of the
sketch because earlier it'd be like I can't hang out Friday because like I have
something you know I'm getting together with someone but now it was like having
(18:05):
to get it approved in a way or just at least acknowledging hey hey are you cool
with that this is happening so if you want I want to hang out with your friends
that night. I can do this thing.
Oh, and then it was like, but are you going to be here?
Okay, so you're going to have your guys' night at the house? Okay, then we'll go out.
Yes. Like kind of coordinating stuff. The balance of the schedules and everything
(18:27):
is something you don't really, I don't think I ever thought about it until you're in it.
And it is weird. It is weird. I remember that being weird. It's kind of like
now we don't see anyone. It's just like us.
Now we have a daughter. So our life is her, Lila. So yeah. But yeah, week one of marriage.
It was okay. okay it was okay
(18:50):
it's better would you it gets better
it gets better i i would say i
think it starts off a little
taxing and a little scary and a little overwhelming maybe i mean i've had a
no no no it's not just you because every friend i've had they say like when
they first get married they're like oh my gosh what did i do should i have done
(19:13):
this right you you think i made it i I made an awful mistake.
I made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't do this.
But it gets better. And then you're like, oh, wait, this is great.
This is great. And it does get better. It's kind of like a new job.
And it gets easier. You get to like a new job and you're trying to figure out
that system and the politics and like, you know, oh, you don't talk to this
person, but you talk to that person.
How do you get this done? And oh, when I say it like this, it seems like everything
(19:36):
goes fine. But if I say it like this, nothing goes right.
Like there's a lot of learning that goes into that.
And so it's kind of navigating that a bit. And I think the shocking thing is
like you think you did that in the dating engagement phase.
But it's just different once you're living with someone.
It hits different. It hits different. It does. It hits different.
(19:57):
Well, hopefully this was helpful. If not entertaining, hopefully.
If not entertaining, as you all prepare for your first week,
month, season of married life.
It's a lot of fun. But there's definitely some work that goes into it.
So we hope you like the show. If you like it, you can always subscribe.
You can click the bell. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok.
(20:19):
Outside of that, I'm Justin. Kaylin. Catch you later. Bye.
You just said I do. You had that very passionate kiss up there at the altar.
You're officially married. Congratulations.
Now you get to start your life together. And that first week is absolute hell. What? It's it?
We learned a lot in our first. Oh, first week. The first week of marriage.
(00:21):
After post, post little honeymoon, little. Mini moon. Mini moon or whatever
you have. Which we didn't do.
Right. All things would have been better. When you, okay.
Let me rephrase it when you get home and all
the fun festivities are done life is
fun you learn a lot
you learn a lot it's a it's it's a
(00:42):
doozy it's a doozy as kaylee would say so
we're talking about that first week as i'll call it that first real moment in
time where you are living together as a couple if you previously were not living
together before which we highly recommend not Not doing because the stats say
you'll probably get divorced. Not to be a downer.
(01:03):
Bum, bum, bum. But don't do it because you're a better shot.
And also, let's talk about how once you get married, it's hell.
So either way, it's not going to be good. It's a positive episode.
It's great. No, you learn a lot.
What were some of the biggest things that you felt you learned once we got home
from the mini moon and all the wedding glow was kind of over?
(01:25):
And you actually had to start building this life together. What were some of
the biggest surprises for you? How much time you need by yourself.
Like, okay, so we didn't move in together, in together to that first week.
We both had our separate places and we were like packing bags,
going back and forth to each other's places.
(01:46):
So he had like a one bedroom small apartment and then I had like two bedroom
townhouse. So it was much more...
Space so people can like there's multiple
restrooms so you
can like go have your quiet time when you
do your business i just remember like you
(02:08):
like you there's nowhere else to go in your apartment and you used to not mind
me coming over but when i was like there for like 24 hours 48 hours i think
you were like is she gonna leave like i kind of need some space what would i do I don't know.
Like, I think I would like go into the room, but you were there and I think
(02:29):
you got like bothered that I was like trying to like hug you or something.
And you're I think you were like, I need to go for a walk by myself. Like you needed space.
I think you were like, holy moly, what did I do?
This woman made a huge mistake this woman is with
me all the time and i can't get rid of her is the vibe i felt and i could be
(02:53):
wrong but i could be right i will say there was an element when she we got back
home of wow she is always here like she is always around well i will say.
One of the things that i'll point out and it kind of
thing ties into that is i would often do like doing
(03:14):
some band exercises or workouts oh and stuff
you and i was like in the living room while he was
doing it and he was like can you go into the room like
i don't go to the bedroom he was like i don't like
an audience for my workouts and i was like
i was i think i was like on the computer working
and like doing emails and he was like i need
(03:35):
my personal space and i was like like holy
what i'm your wife yeah that's
and he was like yes you're my wife like i
didn't know what i don't i don't really
like working out in front of people it's
kind of it's kind of like my i get i get into a mental zone i do my thing especially
(03:56):
when i'm doing like band exercises like it's just like it's not something i
want someone there watching me do and so yes i would I would agree that I did
need probably more alone time than you did.
But like we used to spend so much time together.
Like I was over, we were over at each other's places all the time because it
(04:19):
was like we didn't have to work. I always went home.
And then it was like, oh boy, she's not going away.
She would go home and I have that hour to myself would be like,
okay. You could like decompress and do what you want to do. Oh,
now I can just do my life real quick.
Yeah. And that was gone. Yeah. And so all I had left was my mornings.
(04:40):
And then she would come sit on the couch while I'm doing my band exercise.
Oh, I had to work. There was nowhere else to work.
It's a bad idea I think also some things I
regret and some things I wish we did differently was I
do I do think we should we took like a mini
moon we got married out of state and we had like two
days there and I took like a couple
(05:02):
extra days off work and Justin's like I'm just gonna
keep on working like and we had
to cancel our honeymoon because of like weird travel restrictions
restrictions and so then we had to rebook our honeymoon
for like weeks later and just this
is the time of covid yeah time of covid so we had
to like rebook our honeymoon and it was like a
(05:24):
month or two out and i do regret that because i think it would have been different
different had you had we had that time yeah i will say i have because then i
think we would have like come back home and been like we both need a little
space right as opposed to just getting married and then being like,
okay, back to normal life.
I will say I have recommended to my friends who have gotten married since or
(05:46):
got engaged saying, hey, you really should take Ty to do your honeymoon right
after the wedding because it is a great time to bond.
And obviously your partner wants to be with you. Yeah, we had a great honeymoon once we did.
Well, what was so weird about us at first, and this is one of the things I think,
going back to the space thing, is that we had two separate places because we're
kind of waiting for my lease to expire and we hadn't really had time to pack
(06:09):
up and move and all that stuff.
And so there'd be some nights because I worked across town where my apartment
was, but we obviously enjoyed staying at Caitlin's place more because she had more room.
But I'd be like, I have a super early morning, so I'm just going to drive back
up to my apartment tonight and spend the night and get a good night's rest.
And it would get you so irritated. And I'm like, well, I just want to sleep.
(06:32):
This drove me up a wall because we're married. Wouldn't you want to spend time with your wife?
And it's like, what? Who does that?
I was like, I guess we're getting divorced because he doesn't even want to spend the night with me.
And then I was like, I'll go with you. And he's like, no. But you don't have to. It's so early.
(06:56):
I can go by myself. I was so mad. I think it helped me ease into marriage.
No. Also, I would tell people, prep your new home so that you come home to your new home together.
That was awful. I can't believe we did that. I know it worked out for the best
because of our situation, but no, don't do it. Don't do what we did.
(07:20):
It was, oh, I almost got an annulment.
No, I didn't. But I thought about it. I was like, am I going to have to get
this marriage annulled? He doesn't even want to spend the night next to me.
I just like to prioritize sleep for like a big event that I had to work,
which I think a lot of people drop in the comments.
If you had to work like a big event, big event, it was like your physical therapy
(07:43):
or something. Well, that was early.
It's 6 a.m. Do you want to drive? If you could drive a half an hour with no
traffic or drive an hour and 15 minutes in traffic, I would go with you. And you could have.
I think I did. You did a few times. And I was like, oh, okay.
I'm joking. All right, moving on. Because we spent way too much time on this.
(08:04):
One of the things I think that anyone should prepare for when they kind of start
that living with their partner is just build up.
Maybe this is a me problem. Build up the grace and the patience needed to merge your things together.
Was that a big issue that first week for you? Also, how the other person's.
(08:30):
Organization skills are and their cleanliness
is and clean is i'm clean you're you're
fairly clean yes but she's she's
clean but i would say she is not organized i'm not disorganized and i think
having lived by my like lived in i've been living by myself in my own apartment
since i was in a senior in college so we're talking like almost fake news 10
(08:55):
years i know a secret i lived with with a girlfriend for a small period of time.
Outside of that, I live by myself in my apartment.
And that was a mistake, by the way, the girlfriend thing. Going back.
So having lived, again, getting to my point, you build up tendencies and you build up habits.
And one of the habits I had built up is that my house was, I think,
(09:15):
immaculately organized.
I could steer you and tell you where everything was in that apartment.
And when I got with Kaylin, I'd be like, hey, hey
where are your scissors at and she's like i don't know
i feel like maybe upstairs maybe downstairs maybe here
maybe there and i go on these like treasure hunts
looking for things in your house and you would find them eventually you know
(09:38):
what though you do this still to this day i will say it's in the car it's right
here or like i'm not sure but i think it's by the stroller and you like only
look in one spot you don't like look around to see like and then you're like it's It's not there.
And then I go out and it's like, it is there. Well, sometimes I'll ask you like,
hey, where is this Adeline diaper bag? You're like, it's in the diaper bag.
(09:58):
But like, I'm like, well, where in the diaper bag? Is it in the right pocket,
the left pocket, the back pocket, the side pocket?
Underneath the things behind this thing? I don't know. I'm prepared.
Do you remember that one time? Let's recap this story again.
Do you remember that one time when you're in my apartment and you're looking for scissors?
Yes, the scissors. And what did I say? You were like, it's in the left third one down.
It should be in that bin. And yes, it was.
(10:20):
I'm just saying okay to have the patience and the
grace yes yes for your partner to merge your
lives because it's not easy you're you you both have built up these tendencies
did you especially if you get married in you know in your 30s like us when you
we're like old people we've like already like built up like i get my newspaper
and i sit on my you're stuck in your ways a bit more yeah i don't think i think
(10:43):
that's a that's a reasonable thing to say to be prepared for Yeah, that's it.
It is. Do you remember some other like shocking moments from our first week of marriage? Well...
Yes what are you gonna say so i
now that i'm thinking about this
this is all about a lot of this is about me having my privacy
i don't like it when people put on
(11:06):
their makeup in the bathroom while i'm showering and then
they try to hold a conversation with me very specific i
know but you don't like anyone to
be in the bathroom while you're showering no
but i don't that's just how how
the bathroom was set up it was like the two sinks
with the shower and it's not like there's an extra
(11:27):
door and so it's like you have to be in here right now but
i had to get ready and you had to get ready
you have very specific needs it's really frustrating am i more needy in this
relationship yes maybe in this way in this way you are i'm emotionally more
needy but you're more needy in these sort of things i'm just i just i guess
(11:49):
at the end of the day i just want on personal space.
And you know what? Now you have to live without it.
And you've gotten used to me always walking in into the bathroom in the most
inopportune moments while you're showering.
She walks in every single time when I'm trying to do a little bit of cleaning
down below and I want to wash a private area.
(12:10):
It doesn't matter if I take a five-minute shower or a 20-minute shower.
Hour she will walk in the room when i try to attempt to clean i don't i don't
try to and every time i'm like are you kidding me i'm like this every time he's taking a shower i'm like.
I'm sorry. I didn't see anything. I heard it, but I didn't see it.
(12:30):
No one wants to hear that. No one wants to be known that they can hear that.
Now, it's been great practice because now not only do I have to deal with you
in the bathroom when I shower.
Oh, Lila loves to see you shower. My daughter loves to watch me shower in the
morning. She's so happy to see you.
It's like she just woke up and she's like, there's daddy. But I don't mind her doing it.
(12:51):
I'm sorry. It's differently. friendly because
she because she's so happy i think because she's not
asking anything of me she's just watching me i'm just
doing my makeup getting ready kind of asking for
conversation at times you'll you'll you'll say
something i just love you i love you
too to you all right what else you got oh
(13:13):
i just remember i don't know i think i
think well i think it was because we didn't do the honeymoon
i guess this is getting personal and intimate and you
went back to work but I thought like oh like that
intimate sexy time was gonna happen more often especially
like the first week of marriage and I waited a long time and it like didn't
(13:34):
and I realized like oh maybe this is just like a weekend thing like when when
we're working and like then maybe like one week night thing like I don't know
why because like you talk about your expectations and it's It's like,
oh, it's going to happen.
And then you're like busy and tired and like the retainer goes in and you're
like, oh, it's not happening tonight.
(13:57):
I developing a a schedule an intimacy schedule
which a lot of people struggle with this but we
talked especially when they get older now when they're first married but we talked
about this and i was like should we like have a day that
we like definitely have sex and you're
like no like that takes away the passion and
the romance and the surprise and i was like
(14:18):
okay and then it was like okay
like we'll always have sex on sunday or saturday or something
like that there will will always be one day where it
happens this is this was like more of an issue
at the beginning yeah then it was like communicating that i
felt weird communicating like what's normal
do you love me desire me that sort of thing i think you're trying to figure
(14:42):
out if you've i you shouldn't have sex until you get married but like when you
get married you're trying to figure that out figure out the cadence of it like
yes like that's a good thing to discuss what's like our normal you should And what's like our,
what is satisfying to both of us.
You should probably have a conversation about it before it becomes an issue.
But we, yes. And we talked about it before we got married, but I think it was
(15:05):
useful to talk about like after. It definitely wasn't really. Once it's happening.
Came up again. Yeah. That's a good one.
That's a good one. I like that one quite a bit. Yeah. I think that's smart.
I think a lot of people don't think about that because you just think you're
going to be in the, you know.
You're like, I'm going to do whatever you get me. It's a passion, but. we're
gonna love each other so much life happens and to your
(15:25):
point we did jump right into life life and
i had like a huge project didn't i i think i had a huge probably
it feels like it feels like every season of life we always have a huge
project yeah like when you're busy it's just like sleep is top of mind you know
like right you're tired like i think that's that's totally fine too that's normal
it's something to to expect yeah oof that first week it's a lot i think my My
(15:51):
last thing that I'll share,
if you have anything else, I'd love to hear it, is just.
One of the things that, this is kind of weird, is that I felt like I wasn't
calling my mom as much that first week of marriage. You call your mom a lot.
You think I call my mom a lot. No, no, you used to call your mom a lot before we got married.
(16:13):
Yes, because that's what I'm saying. Before we got married. Because you would
call her, yes, back to or from my place. So I was talking to my mom every day
for like 30 minutes to 45 minutes. And then my mom...
It's like, are you okay? Are you alive? What's going on? I'm like,
oh yeah, like I haven't called you. And it's just because like, I don't really have.
Time by myself. Like she's on top of me all the time. Like how can I, I'm joking.
(16:37):
It's a joke. But it's one of those things. But yeah, you're together all the
time. You're together all the time.
So like you lose a lot of, like, especially because I was driving.
I would always make phone calls when I was driving.
You lose a lot of time to connect with your family or your friends.
And so just preparing for that. You kind of go into the marriage bubble.
Like yes so kind of preparing your friends and family
for that in case they feel like they haven't heard from you but also having that
(16:59):
conversation with your partner of like hey i need to call my mom i
need time to like call my mom and you know it sounds
so funny but like i know you're in your mom's relationship yeah
it's like i need i need to go call my mom or like i need to have time to like
call my friends and so i think not i think i kind of felt weird about that and
so don't feel weird about it make it a conversation and try to establish that
(17:22):
you know When you are ready to start having those interactions again with the outside world,
outside your marriage bubble. Yeah, once you get out of your marriage hidey hole.
I remember those conversations like, hey, my friend wants to go get coffee this weekend.
Can I go by myself?
It felt so weird to ask for permission for stuff. It was like, hey, what do you think?
(17:43):
We have to do this double date on this night.
But like if I go get coffee
with my girlfriend like you can like go do whatever
you want during that time like it's just weird to
start coordinating that yes the coordination of the
sketch because earlier it'd be like I can't hang out Friday because like I have
something you know I'm getting together with someone but now it was like having
(18:05):
to get it approved in a way or just at least acknowledging hey hey are you cool
with that this is happening so if you want I want to hang out with your friends
that night. I can do this thing.
Oh, and then it was like, but are you going to be here?
Okay, so you're going to have your guys' night at the house? Okay, then we'll go out.
Yes. Like kind of coordinating stuff. The balance of the schedules and everything
(18:27):
is something you don't really, I don't think I ever thought about it until you're in it.
And it is weird. It is weird. I remember that being weird. It's kind of like
now we don't see anyone. It's just like us.
Now we have a daughter. So our life is her, Lila. So yeah. But yeah, week one of marriage.
It was okay. okay it was okay
(18:50):
it's better would you it gets better
it gets better i i would say i
think it starts off a little
taxing and a little scary and a little overwhelming maybe i mean i've had a
no no no it's not just you because every friend i've had they say like when
they first get married they're like oh my gosh what did i do should i have done
(19:13):
this right you you think i made it i I made an awful mistake.
I made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't do this.
But it gets better. And then you're like, oh, wait, this is great.
This is great. And it does get better. It's kind of like a new job.
And it gets easier. You get to like a new job and you're trying to figure out
that system and the politics and like, you know, oh, you don't talk to this
person, but you talk to that person.
How do you get this done? And oh, when I say it like this, it seems like everything
(19:36):
goes fine. But if I say it like this, nothing goes right.
Like there's a lot of learning that goes into that.
And so it's kind of navigating that a bit. And I think the shocking thing is
like you think you did that in the dating engagement phase.
But it's just different once you're living with someone.
It hits different. It hits different. It does. It hits different.
(19:57):
Well, hopefully this was helpful. If not entertaining, hopefully.
If not entertaining, as you all prepare for your first week,
month, season of married life.
It's a lot of fun. But there's definitely some work that goes into it.
So we hope you like the show. If you like it, you can always subscribe.
You can click the bell. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok.
(20:19):
Outside of that, I'm Justin. Kaylin. Catch you later. Bye.
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