February 28, 2024 • 21 mins
Get ready for the ultimate baby prep adventure! As you gear up for parenthood, you're undoubtedly bombarded with a flood of suggestions, advice, and downright demands. "Do This" or "Not That" – it's enough to make anyone's head spin! Join us as we dissect the barrage of tips, sift through the noise, and break free from societal norms.
From mastering the art of soothing fussy infants to deftly navigating the maze of societal expectations, we're not just rewriting the rules; we're smashing through them. Embrace the chaos, humor, and unexpected twists that come with being a modern parent.
#ParentingAdventure #BreakingNorms #DadWisdom #RealMomTalk #BabyPrepJourney #NewbornStrugglesUnleashed
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You just brought your baby home or you're weeks away from it happening.
And everyone is just overwhelming you with information.
Advice. Suggestions. And flat out requests. So a year into raising our first
child, we're sharing some of those, do this, not that thing people said you should be doing.
I guarantee you someone said you need to do at least one of these things.
(00:20):
And you know what? You don't.
We threw a party when we made it to one year of life for our daughter.
Most people do. Yeah, but this was like a parent party. Oh, not the birthday
party. She's still alive. We did it.
Yes. Yes, we did it. We did it. I mean, it is not an easy thing to do.
(00:41):
This is the biggest life change that you've ever experienced.
Bigger than marriage, bigger than a job, bigger than literally anything,
and nothing will prepare you for it. No, nothing.
I mean, people tell you for weeks on end, I mean, how people told us like,
oh, your life's about to change.
Well, months on end. You have no idea what's going to happen.
It's like as soon as you're pregnant, they're like, just you wait. And it's like, okay.
(01:03):
But I'll be honest. For me, I was like, is it going to change?
Your life didn't change until she was born. And then you're like, oh, my gosh.
Yeah, to be fair, Caitlin's entire body is changing. But I'm sitting here kind
of being like, wow, we have a baby coming. This is exciting.
Hasn't really affected me at all. But then once she was born,
it was like an avalanche of emotions oceans and an avalanche of realization of, oh, wow.
(01:29):
You were such a wreck. Oh, so sweet. Okay. Those first few months were not easy.
But anyway, going back into those months of people telling you what you have
to prepare for, what you have to do. You got to do this. You can't do that.
You absolutely should do this. Yeah. And you're not going to believe any of
them until you're actually in it. And let me just do a disclaimer if I can real quick.
(01:49):
Like if you haven't raised a child yet, like first of all, if you're married, you're
You should do it because it is the most rewarding thing you could possibly do.
It is also the hardest thing you could possibly do, but it's also the most important
thing you could possibly do with your life.
And if you're not married- And this is going from someone who wasn't as all
(02:11):
about kids to begin with.
It's true. And you, totally different person. Yeah, very much a 180.
It's been a 180 experience for me having a child. But if you're not married,
then you should get married. If you want to. If you want to get married.
And then you should have kids.
Because again, it's the best thing you can do. It's the hardest thing you can
do. It's the most important things to do.
(02:31):
So with all that, let's talk about some of those things people said for us not
to do or to do that we are like, no thanks.
Don't let others make you feel uncomfortable.
Do take advantage of your cute little baby. Yes.
So we were pretty ambitious and took our daughter out when she was really young
to like coffee shops and restaurants and even took her on a flight when she
(02:52):
was like three months old.
Not that we wanted to not that we wanted to but we had to but we had to
and you know people give questionable looks
and you your baby starts crying and as
a parent you want to soothe your child and you've never been in a situation
where people just stare at you and give you like looks but you know what who
cares there are so many nice people out there who like she was crying at a restaurant
(03:16):
and the waitress came over and was like don't even worry we've all been there
like don't let people People make you feel bad.
Keep going out like she's a baby.
Live your life. Live your life. Like you can't just like stop doing things because you have a kid.
That's another thing. But yeah, so we had a lot of great experiences with people, waitresses.
(03:37):
Flight attendants etc who are just super super
nice to us and made us feel great about having
a cute baby normalized the fact that your baby
was being fussy in public and i think that's a big thing which shout out to
like the flight attendants and the waiters and the people out there who do that
and go that extra mile like i remember a very vividly a flight where like you
(03:57):
know our daughter was getting a little fussy and like this wasn't like major
fussy meltdown like Like on a scale of 1 to 10, she was like a 2.5.
She's pretty chill. She's pretty chill. But still, the guy in front of us kept
like, turn around and looking at us, turn around and looking at us.
It's like, dude, like, what do you want?
She could have been like 10 minutes of like a five-hour flight.
We're doing what we can to keep her happy and satisfied.
She's got foxy woxy. You know, she's got the milk on demand.
(04:20):
Like, what more can you do? But then at the same time, like the flight attendants
were like so good about coming over and like, they're like, hey,
you know, we saw she's playing with the cups.
Like, here's a bunch of cups. so that one guy made like balloon animal
out of a glove and like one one
flight attendant offered to like take her and walk
her up and down the aisle we were okay but like she grabbed another baby so
(04:43):
she was just like a really great person but like that's so cool that people
are trying to normalize the fact that like yes your baby is fussy yes that's
totally normal yes you're still out here living your life because you should
and for every you know yeah there's some not nice Nice people out there.
But for every, you know, jerk you encounter, there's like three or four people
who make up for that bad experience with just offering you some great things.
(05:06):
And also take advantage of the fact that your baby is probably,
hopefully, probably super, super cute.
It's a baby. It's probably cute. It's a baby. So, I mean, like we've kind of like free desserts.
Yes. I mean, and that one time we went to that restaurant and your mom was holding the baby.
Yes. So one time we went to, it was a steak dinner and my mom must be very kind
because, you know, when you're a parent, you soon realize that one of you gets to eat a hot meal.
(05:32):
And then the other one is eating a room temperature meal. And so you're so nice to me.
I, I will. Food's very important to her. So one time we're out there and you
know, my mom was like, Hey, I'll take the baby.
So you all could both eat a hot meal actually.
And so the waitress recognized this and she was like, oh, we got to remedy this.
She like cuts my mom's food for her, like literally cuts the steak into like
(05:54):
bite-sized pieces you can just eat it with a fork.
I was waiting for her to like feed your mom, but that would have been a little
too far. Oh, well, it's a different type of show.
But you know, the fact is people are super nice.
And so don't let that one bad experience make you feel uncomfortable.
No, no, don't. Don't feel like you need to share your baby with your whole family,
(06:14):
especially right away, but do be thoughtful about how you do it. Yeah.
I mean, your baby is sort of like Simba on Pride Rock. Everyone wants a piece of them right away.
And we brought our baby home the day she was born and our parents were there
and they wanted to hold her.
And I just wasn't quite ready for it yet.
So you know what? They had to be understanding about the fact that,
(06:37):
you know, she was just born.
So and we we were very grateful they were all there and we gave everyone time with her.
It just had to be on our terms.
Help is great when you first bring a baby home. I think the biggest thing is there's a switch.
There's a fraternal and a maternal switch that happens when your baby is born. A fraternal? Yeah.
(06:59):
What would it be? Paternal. Paternal? Yeah. Right? No. I don't know. I don't know.
Like I said, we aren't psychiatrists. We're just talking about this stuff.
There's a switch that goes on in your life. It's instinctual.
Immediately. And you want to protect her. And you want to protect her.
And not that your parents are creepy or mean or anything, but there is something
about like, oh, this is my child and I want to keep my child and not surrender my child immediately.
(07:29):
Yeah it has to be on your terms i was really
anxious about this prior to giving
birth i'm like everyone's gonna want to hold her and i'm not gonna be
ready for it and he was like what are you talking about it's
gonna be fine and then i think we both were
like oh i don't know but then
they're but then they're there and they're like so happy that she's
(07:50):
there and that she's part of your family and then
i i think i was like more willing to share her once she was was born and Justin
was like my baby my baby well don't touch my baby yeah are your hands clean
well I mean our child was born in December so like everyone is sick and our whole family traveled,
(08:11):
to where we were living to be with her so I mean of course that was a slight
concern but I think beyond that it's just the fact that I don't know like you
want to take care of your child and yes you're open to suggestions and ideas
right away but when people start telling telling you right away like how you should be doing things.
I get a little defensive and that's kind of like a thing that I do,
but I think it's just like, well, I just brought my baby home,
(08:33):
so why don't you give me 24 hours to like soothe her before you're saying,
oh, let me calm her down, she's fussy. It's like, well, we're the parents.
We got to be able to calm her down. Like we can't just, you're not going to
be here for us to just hand our baby off to when she's fussy.
And I think that was where a lot of that came from for me was just,
(08:55):
well, don't tell me how to do this immediately.
Like I get it. Like I, like you're not going to do anything different than I'm
not already doing, but like also I got to do it. It comes from a good place too.
Like, I mean like both of our moms were like, let me take her so So you can
like get some rest and recover.
And like your body just went through like a horrible trauma.
So you're like, yes, but I also want to get to know her.
(09:20):
Like she just came out.
Yeah. I mean, I think that's where the do be thoughtful about how you kind of
do that peace negotiation with your family, right?
Because just remember, and trust me, I'm saying this because it was hard for me.
It's just remember that everyone's there with the best intentions
they want to help you they want to love on
(09:42):
your baby they want to love on you by loving on
your baby and just keep that in mind and
i think i'll be i'll be honest i was terrible at this probably the first few
months but i eventually got a lot better not that i once she became a more stable
human yes once i felt like i didn't have to like breathe life into every 15
minutes to keep her going but i think it became came better about this when I let go of the idea of,
(10:08):
it became less about, hey, they're taking my baby or they want to spend time
with my baby and more about like, hey, they're trying to love this baby the
way that they want to love them. They're trying to love me through loving this baby.
And that mind shift for me was a big one that really helped me.
But it's like- It's hard. You're probably sitting there being like,
man, take my baby. I'm going to be tired.
(10:28):
And trust me, I thought that I'd be right there.
Once you have a baby, and that's the thing about having having a child,
there's so many things that people have said, hey, and you're like, whatever.
But once you experience it, it's a totally different ballgame. It is. It really is. So-
To Kaylin's point, I mean, just find a way to really walk that fine line,
(10:53):
because that's also it's not an easy conversation to have with your parents
when you're trying to take care of your baby.
You want to hold your baby. You got this instinct to keep your baby,
but also to share them. Yeah.
And I think it also takes a mindset shift of like, hey, like they love her just
as much as you do. Well, maybe.
I don't know. They love her so much because she is a part of you and a part of you.
(11:18):
And, you know, it's an exciting moment for them.
Them and then i think back to like when my sister
had her first baby in the hospital and
we like all held her right away and i was like
i can't believe she let us do that and then her second time
she had her second child i think she was like more like
this is you know my time with my kid and
(11:39):
you totally have to respect that and i did because like
i get it now i totally get it now and everyone's gonna be different so
if your baby comes out in your life take them good for
you good for you more power to you don't stop
living your life but do know when it's
time to listen to your baby uh we we did not stop living our life in fact we
(12:00):
look back now we're looking at some photos i'm like oh man i can't believe look
how tiny she was and we took her to disney's animal kingdom we're like we're
like what was that it's like that's a week after she was born it was not a week.
It's close. It's like three or four weeks. But we like there's two extremes.
I feel I feel like either people are like, we're just doing our own thing.
(12:21):
We're living our life where people are like, we're going to be at home and not
leave the house for like six months.
And I think that in a way, we kind of lived out both of those extremes.
I think we were like in the house for a couple weeks, because like,
I couldn't get in the car.
And I think we got a little stir crazy. And we're
like you know people were visiting and we were like they're
(12:43):
like do you want to go out we're like yeah let's go out
to dinner sleeps it's great let's go
to a wine bar and let's yeah and i
think i was excited to have wine after like nine months of
not having wine but like we did not stop living our
life yeah i mean like we we really hit
the ground running and i'm not saying that's a good thing i'm not saying it's a
bad thing what i am saying is don't be
(13:06):
afraid if you want to be out there living your life because i
think that one of the things that i had conversation with some of my friends like i can't
believe you guys are out there doing all this stuff like you just had a baby and it's
like well yeah but what are you gonna
like you're just gonna stop like i mean some but you
know some people they they're very concerned about you know
obviously your baby's immune system's not quite as strong those
(13:26):
first few days or i don't know
i mean like i'm just saying people there's reasons why people you know
lock themselves up in their home for six months and hey listen whatever you
do it's up to you i'm just saying if you do feel like
going out there living your life don't be afraid of that
i mean i remember it was christmas day we bundled
her up and we took her down we went for a
(13:46):
walk we went for a walk in in downtown the little downtown area of the town
we lived in and this was literally 13 days after she was born yeah it was her
first outing besides like the pediatrician which which also we went to the pediatrician
like i'm saying We went to a coffee shop and the guy.
He brought us water and he was like, oh, that's a fresh baby.
(14:09):
How old is she? And I was like holding her. It's like two days.
A week? Yeah. I was like, oh, she's a week. Don't breathe on her.
Like, I look back on it now and I'm like, man, we were kind of crazy.
We were like in between two appointments. So we were just trying to kill some
time. And also, we like their coffee.
We like coffee. but i mean it is one of those things where you you can
(14:31):
live in either of these extremes and it and it's totally normal
at the same time do know when it's
time to start listening to your baby because i think those first few
months are you it was fine oh i'm thinking
that it was i guess yes so we were
living our life we had gone out several times to dinner
we've been getting coffee and you know we would keep we keep her up late because
(14:52):
like she's gonna sleep anywhere she sleeps well there was a band playing like
at a restaurant not like super loud but like you know there's music there's
music there's music and so one night we go out to go get barbecue at a restaurant
and I remember this is not a restaurant
we should like that's like a quick service place no I meant like.
Okay, we lived in Florida, and so there's this place called Disney Springs.
(15:12):
There's like music everywhere, people. Yeah, so it's busy. It's like overstimulating and lights.
She was probably like two months old. Well, she was, it actually,
it was the end of January. You know why I know this?
It had to be like end of January because it's the same night that the Kansas
City Chiefs were playing the Cincinnati Bengals in the AFC Championship game.
(15:34):
It always comes down to football. Oh, my God. Because I know all my dates.
And Patrick and Holmes gets that stupid flag and they win.
Okay, so point is, is that we go out to dinner and she wakes up.
No, and we got takeout because we were like, oh shoot, we gotta go.
We're like, we have to leave. Like this might turn south and it went very south.
(15:55):
Very quickly. So south that we end up eating the takeout. No,
you ended up eating the takeout. I ate the takeout. And the ice cream.
Parking lot. Hey. for like two hours it
was a stressful time there's a football game going on now i'm watching
off my phone trying to soothe the baby she's screaming
her head off and it was probably we were literally in that parking lot with
(16:18):
her screaming her head off refusing into car seat for at least two hours yes
and then we got her in the car seat and got her home and she went to bed and
then we saw our pediatrician like a couple weeks later and she was like so if
you're like not like getting into to a bedtime routine.
Now's the time. And we're like, we learned that one. Note taken.
So do listen to your baby.
(16:38):
And when, you know, she's ready to go to bed, you know, maybe listen to her.
Yep. It'll be a time when you will realize us living our life according to our
schedule has now come to an end and thus begins the age of living life to still
to its fullest, but within your baby's schedule.
We still did things like we drove down to Miami and we brought her with us and
(17:01):
you go to a hotel and instead of going down to the bar and getting drinks together,
you take them up to your room, you put her to bed, and you have a little date
night in the room together while she's sleeping. You get creative. You find ways.
It just shifts and changes. Yes, be creative, but you don't have to stop living
your life, but you should listen to your baby.
(17:22):
Don't rely on DoorDash. Do meal prep.
This one was a lifesaver. Yeah, this is a big one because you will get sick
of Chipotle very quickly.
And all the takeout options available to you. I mean, first off,
people are super nice. Like, I mean, it depends.
Obviously, you could be like, I have no friends. I have no family.
No one came to my help when I had a child. I'm sorry.
(17:43):
But like for the most part, people are super happy, you know,
friendly and want to set up like a DoorDash meal train or whatever it is,
gift cards and stuff. And it's super helpful. Don't get me wrong.
But your body and your mind will thank you about food prepping.
And I got a hats off to Kaylin on this one.
I was really big on this one. I thought that we're preparing for doomsday for
(18:04):
about six months because she double batched every meal that she cooked.
I mean, for literally months.
And not only did she do that and store up all this food so that I could be a
Michelin star chef because all I had to do was heat it up and it was good to go.
But she batched it all and then she made like an actual document of our inventory.
(18:25):
I had a whole list of inventory so we could decide what we wanted to eat.
But for postpartum moms, this is also really important to your healing is having
good nourishing foods for your body.
And I didn't want to have Chipotle every day.
And I also wanted to make it easy on him and me.
And there's something about having food that you cooked and you know what's in it.
(18:48):
I don't know. There's just a lot of things. And it's also, like,
empowering to know that, like, I'm still feeding my family even though I'm not doing the cooking.
Like, by using the force. By using the force. But, I mean, people say,
like, hey, don't worry about, like, you know, don't cook.
Rely upon people to bring you food and stuff. And, like, yeah, sure.
But also, like... We didn't have a whole...
(19:09):
Healthy community where we were at the time.
We had some people we knew who were very generous and helpful,
but we wanted to make sure we were also prepared.
So that was, I thought it was pretty easy to prepare for because like he said,
I just kind of double batched everything.
So it was like, okay, instead of leftovers, which you never eat anyway,
I just would freeze it and put put it in the
(19:31):
deep freeze and we had food for days no
literally day weeks months they say
months so i mean that was a great call out of just something that super practical
people don't really talk about yeah i thought it was great and then but if anyone
would think about it it's me my wife because i'm always hungry and the things
(19:53):
i wish i did make more of were like like breakfast-y foods.
Just saying. Made a lot of soups. Love the soups. You love the soups. Soups are great.
But yeah, the food definitely came in clutch. It was definitely a practical
thing to do and I'm glad we did it.
I'll do it again. So those are just a few things I think people told us either not to do or to do.
(20:15):
I mean, no one told us to prep food. That was a really genius move.
No one ever made us feel... I mean,
going out and living our life but i mean honestly at the
end of the day like it was the best thing for us yeah um
you know no one prepares you for the family thing and
i think everyone talks about like how you like you have to i don't know at least
(20:36):
i got i feel like we got a lot of peer pressure not peer pressure but you know
comments from our family about being more open to their helping and you know
i think it's okay for someone to say it's why we're saying it it's okay to also to be like,
I'm not ready for that. You can have healthy boundaries with your family.
So we hope those things are helpful. They're helpful little tips, advice.
(20:57):
You know, we love being parents. It's the best thing that ever happened to us.
It's really redefined, I think, who we are as people, especially myself.
It's changed our whole life. Yeah.
So we hope that's helpful and you'll enjoy it. If you enjoy the show,
please subscribe. You can leave a comment.
Click that bell so you're notified when we post another video.
We do a video each week. We really appreciate all the support. here on YouTube.
(21:20):
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So you can always follow us on social, at Real Relationship Ramble. Got anything else?
No, that's it. I'm Justin. Katelyn. Catch you later.
You just brought your baby home or you're weeks away from it happening.
And everyone is just overwhelming you with information.
Advice. Suggestions. And flat out requests. So a year into raising our first
child, we're sharing some of those, do this, not that thing people said you should be doing.
I guarantee you someone said you need to do at least one of these things.
(00:20):
And you know what? You don't.
We threw a party when we made it to one year of life for our daughter.
Most people do. Yeah, but this was like a parent party. Oh, not the birthday
party. She's still alive. We did it.
Yes. Yes, we did it. We did it. I mean, it is not an easy thing to do.
(00:41):
This is the biggest life change that you've ever experienced.
Bigger than marriage, bigger than a job, bigger than literally anything,
and nothing will prepare you for it. No, nothing.
I mean, people tell you for weeks on end, I mean, how people told us like,
oh, your life's about to change.
Well, months on end. You have no idea what's going to happen.
It's like as soon as you're pregnant, they're like, just you wait. And it's like, okay.
(01:03):
But I'll be honest. For me, I was like, is it going to change?
Your life didn't change until she was born. And then you're like, oh, my gosh.
Yeah, to be fair, Caitlin's entire body is changing. But I'm sitting here kind
of being like, wow, we have a baby coming. This is exciting.
Hasn't really affected me at all. But then once she was born,
it was like an avalanche of emotions oceans and an avalanche of realization of, oh, wow.
(01:29):
You were such a wreck. Oh, so sweet. Okay. Those first few months were not easy.
But anyway, going back into those months of people telling you what you have
to prepare for, what you have to do. You got to do this. You can't do that.
You absolutely should do this. Yeah. And you're not going to believe any of
them until you're actually in it. And let me just do a disclaimer if I can real quick.
(01:49):
Like if you haven't raised a child yet, like first of all, if you're married, you're
You should do it because it is the most rewarding thing you could possibly do.
It is also the hardest thing you could possibly do, but it's also the most important
thing you could possibly do with your life.
And if you're not married- And this is going from someone who wasn't as all
(02:11):
about kids to begin with.
It's true. And you, totally different person. Yeah, very much a 180.
It's been a 180 experience for me having a child. But if you're not married,
then you should get married. If you want to. If you want to get married.
And then you should have kids.
Because again, it's the best thing you can do. It's the hardest thing you can
do. It's the most important things to do.
(02:31):
So with all that, let's talk about some of those things people said for us not
to do or to do that we are like, no thanks.
Don't let others make you feel uncomfortable.
Do take advantage of your cute little baby. Yes.
So we were pretty ambitious and took our daughter out when she was really young
to like coffee shops and restaurants and even took her on a flight when she
(02:52):
was like three months old.
Not that we wanted to not that we wanted to but we had to but we had to
and you know people give questionable looks
and you your baby starts crying and as
a parent you want to soothe your child and you've never been in a situation
where people just stare at you and give you like looks but you know what who
cares there are so many nice people out there who like she was crying at a restaurant
(03:16):
and the waitress came over and was like don't even worry we've all been there
like don't let people People make you feel bad.
Keep going out like she's a baby.
Live your life. Live your life. Like you can't just like stop doing things because you have a kid.
That's another thing. But yeah, so we had a lot of great experiences with people, waitresses.
(03:37):
Flight attendants etc who are just super super
nice to us and made us feel great about having
a cute baby normalized the fact that your baby
was being fussy in public and i think that's a big thing which shout out to
like the flight attendants and the waiters and the people out there who do that
and go that extra mile like i remember a very vividly a flight where like you
(03:57):
know our daughter was getting a little fussy and like this wasn't like major
fussy meltdown like Like on a scale of 1 to 10, she was like a 2.5.
She's pretty chill. She's pretty chill. But still, the guy in front of us kept
like, turn around and looking at us, turn around and looking at us.
It's like, dude, like, what do you want?
She could have been like 10 minutes of like a five-hour flight.
We're doing what we can to keep her happy and satisfied.
She's got foxy woxy. You know, she's got the milk on demand.
(04:20):
Like, what more can you do? But then at the same time, like the flight attendants
were like so good about coming over and like, they're like, hey,
you know, we saw she's playing with the cups.
Like, here's a bunch of cups. so that one guy made like balloon animal
out of a glove and like one one
flight attendant offered to like take her and walk
her up and down the aisle we were okay but like she grabbed another baby so
(04:43):
she was just like a really great person but like that's so cool that people
are trying to normalize the fact that like yes your baby is fussy yes that's
totally normal yes you're still out here living your life because you should
and for every you know yeah there's some not nice Nice people out there.
But for every, you know, jerk you encounter, there's like three or four people
who make up for that bad experience with just offering you some great things.
(05:06):
And also take advantage of the fact that your baby is probably,
hopefully, probably super, super cute.
It's a baby. It's probably cute. It's a baby. So, I mean, like we've kind of like free desserts.
Yes. I mean, and that one time we went to that restaurant and your mom was holding the baby.
Yes. So one time we went to, it was a steak dinner and my mom must be very kind
because, you know, when you're a parent, you soon realize that one of you gets to eat a hot meal.
(05:32):
And then the other one is eating a room temperature meal. And so you're so nice to me.
I, I will. Food's very important to her. So one time we're out there and you
know, my mom was like, Hey, I'll take the baby.
So you all could both eat a hot meal actually.
And so the waitress recognized this and she was like, oh, we got to remedy this.
She like cuts my mom's food for her, like literally cuts the steak into like
(05:54):
bite-sized pieces you can just eat it with a fork.
I was waiting for her to like feed your mom, but that would have been a little
too far. Oh, well, it's a different type of show.
But you know, the fact is people are super nice.
And so don't let that one bad experience make you feel uncomfortable.
No, no, don't. Don't feel like you need to share your baby with your whole family,
(06:14):
especially right away, but do be thoughtful about how you do it. Yeah.
I mean, your baby is sort of like Simba on Pride Rock. Everyone wants a piece of them right away.
And we brought our baby home the day she was born and our parents were there
and they wanted to hold her.
And I just wasn't quite ready for it yet.
So you know what? They had to be understanding about the fact that,
(06:37):
you know, she was just born.
So and we we were very grateful they were all there and we gave everyone time with her.
It just had to be on our terms.
Help is great when you first bring a baby home. I think the biggest thing is there's a switch.
There's a fraternal and a maternal switch that happens when your baby is born. A fraternal? Yeah.
(06:59):
What would it be? Paternal. Paternal? Yeah. Right? No. I don't know. I don't know.
Like I said, we aren't psychiatrists. We're just talking about this stuff.
There's a switch that goes on in your life. It's instinctual.
Immediately. And you want to protect her. And you want to protect her.
And not that your parents are creepy or mean or anything, but there is something
about like, oh, this is my child and I want to keep my child and not surrender my child immediately.
(07:29):
Yeah it has to be on your terms i was really
anxious about this prior to giving
birth i'm like everyone's gonna want to hold her and i'm not gonna be
ready for it and he was like what are you talking about it's
gonna be fine and then i think we both were
like oh i don't know but then
they're but then they're there and they're like so happy that she's
(07:50):
there and that she's part of your family and then
i i think i was like more willing to share her once she was was born and Justin
was like my baby my baby well don't touch my baby yeah are your hands clean
well I mean our child was born in December so like everyone is sick and our whole family traveled,
(08:11):
to where we were living to be with her so I mean of course that was a slight
concern but I think beyond that it's just the fact that I don't know like you
want to take care of your child and yes you're open to suggestions and ideas
right away but when people start telling telling you right away like how you should be doing things.
I get a little defensive and that's kind of like a thing that I do,
but I think it's just like, well, I just brought my baby home,
(08:33):
so why don't you give me 24 hours to like soothe her before you're saying,
oh, let me calm her down, she's fussy. It's like, well, we're the parents.
We got to be able to calm her down. Like we can't just, you're not going to
be here for us to just hand our baby off to when she's fussy.
And I think that was where a lot of that came from for me was just,
(08:55):
well, don't tell me how to do this immediately.
Like I get it. Like I, like you're not going to do anything different than I'm
not already doing, but like also I got to do it. It comes from a good place too.
Like, I mean like both of our moms were like, let me take her so So you can
like get some rest and recover.
And like your body just went through like a horrible trauma.
So you're like, yes, but I also want to get to know her.
(09:20):
Like she just came out.
Yeah. I mean, I think that's where the do be thoughtful about how you kind of
do that peace negotiation with your family, right?
Because just remember, and trust me, I'm saying this because it was hard for me.
It's just remember that everyone's there with the best intentions
they want to help you they want to love on
(09:42):
your baby they want to love on you by loving on
your baby and just keep that in mind and
i think i'll be i'll be honest i was terrible at this probably the first few
months but i eventually got a lot better not that i once she became a more stable
human yes once i felt like i didn't have to like breathe life into every 15
minutes to keep her going but i think it became came better about this when I let go of the idea of,
(10:08):
it became less about, hey, they're taking my baby or they want to spend time
with my baby and more about like, hey, they're trying to love this baby the
way that they want to love them. They're trying to love me through loving this baby.
And that mind shift for me was a big one that really helped me.
But it's like- It's hard. You're probably sitting there being like,
man, take my baby. I'm going to be tired.
(10:28):
And trust me, I thought that I'd be right there.
Once you have a baby, and that's the thing about having having a child,
there's so many things that people have said, hey, and you're like, whatever.
But once you experience it, it's a totally different ballgame. It is. It really is. So-
To Kaylin's point, I mean, just find a way to really walk that fine line,
(10:53):
because that's also it's not an easy conversation to have with your parents
when you're trying to take care of your baby.
You want to hold your baby. You got this instinct to keep your baby,
but also to share them. Yeah.
And I think it also takes a mindset shift of like, hey, like they love her just
as much as you do. Well, maybe.
I don't know. They love her so much because she is a part of you and a part of you.
(11:18):
And, you know, it's an exciting moment for them.
Them and then i think back to like when my sister
had her first baby in the hospital and
we like all held her right away and i was like
i can't believe she let us do that and then her second time
she had her second child i think she was like more like
this is you know my time with my kid and
(11:39):
you totally have to respect that and i did because like
i get it now i totally get it now and everyone's gonna be different so
if your baby comes out in your life take them good for
you good for you more power to you don't stop
living your life but do know when it's
time to listen to your baby uh we we did not stop living our life in fact we
(12:00):
look back now we're looking at some photos i'm like oh man i can't believe look
how tiny she was and we took her to disney's animal kingdom we're like we're
like what was that it's like that's a week after she was born it was not a week.
It's close. It's like three or four weeks. But we like there's two extremes.
I feel I feel like either people are like, we're just doing our own thing.
(12:21):
We're living our life where people are like, we're going to be at home and not
leave the house for like six months.
And I think that in a way, we kind of lived out both of those extremes.
I think we were like in the house for a couple weeks, because like,
I couldn't get in the car.
And I think we got a little stir crazy. And we're
like you know people were visiting and we were like they're
(12:43):
like do you want to go out we're like yeah let's go out
to dinner sleeps it's great let's go
to a wine bar and let's yeah and i
think i was excited to have wine after like nine months of
not having wine but like we did not stop living our
life yeah i mean like we we really hit
the ground running and i'm not saying that's a good thing i'm not saying it's a
bad thing what i am saying is don't be
(13:06):
afraid if you want to be out there living your life because i
think that one of the things that i had conversation with some of my friends like i can't
believe you guys are out there doing all this stuff like you just had a baby and it's
like well yeah but what are you gonna
like you're just gonna stop like i mean some but you
know some people they they're very concerned about you know
obviously your baby's immune system's not quite as strong those
(13:26):
first few days or i don't know
i mean like i'm just saying people there's reasons why people you know
lock themselves up in their home for six months and hey listen whatever you
do it's up to you i'm just saying if you do feel like
going out there living your life don't be afraid of that
i mean i remember it was christmas day we bundled
her up and we took her down we went for a
(13:46):
walk we went for a walk in in downtown the little downtown area of the town
we lived in and this was literally 13 days after she was born yeah it was her
first outing besides like the pediatrician which which also we went to the pediatrician
like i'm saying We went to a coffee shop and the guy.
He brought us water and he was like, oh, that's a fresh baby.
(14:09):
How old is she? And I was like holding her. It's like two days.
A week? Yeah. I was like, oh, she's a week. Don't breathe on her.
Like, I look back on it now and I'm like, man, we were kind of crazy.
We were like in between two appointments. So we were just trying to kill some
time. And also, we like their coffee.
We like coffee. but i mean it is one of those things where you you can
(14:31):
live in either of these extremes and it and it's totally normal
at the same time do know when it's
time to start listening to your baby because i think those first few
months are you it was fine oh i'm thinking
that it was i guess yes so we were
living our life we had gone out several times to dinner
we've been getting coffee and you know we would keep we keep her up late because
(14:52):
like she's gonna sleep anywhere she sleeps well there was a band playing like
at a restaurant not like super loud but like you know there's music there's
music there's music and so one night we go out to go get barbecue at a restaurant
and I remember this is not a restaurant
we should like that's like a quick service place no I meant like.
Okay, we lived in Florida, and so there's this place called Disney Springs.
(15:12):
There's like music everywhere, people. Yeah, so it's busy. It's like overstimulating and lights.
She was probably like two months old. Well, she was, it actually,
it was the end of January. You know why I know this?
It had to be like end of January because it's the same night that the Kansas
City Chiefs were playing the Cincinnati Bengals in the AFC Championship game.
(15:34):
It always comes down to football. Oh, my God. Because I know all my dates.
And Patrick and Holmes gets that stupid flag and they win.
Okay, so point is, is that we go out to dinner and she wakes up.
No, and we got takeout because we were like, oh shoot, we gotta go.
We're like, we have to leave. Like this might turn south and it went very south.
(15:55):
Very quickly. So south that we end up eating the takeout. No,
you ended up eating the takeout. I ate the takeout. And the ice cream.
Parking lot. Hey. for like two hours it
was a stressful time there's a football game going on now i'm watching
off my phone trying to soothe the baby she's screaming
her head off and it was probably we were literally in that parking lot with
(16:18):
her screaming her head off refusing into car seat for at least two hours yes
and then we got her in the car seat and got her home and she went to bed and
then we saw our pediatrician like a couple weeks later and she was like so if
you're like not like getting into to a bedtime routine.
Now's the time. And we're like, we learned that one. Note taken.
So do listen to your baby.
(16:38):
And when, you know, she's ready to go to bed, you know, maybe listen to her.
Yep. It'll be a time when you will realize us living our life according to our
schedule has now come to an end and thus begins the age of living life to still
to its fullest, but within your baby's schedule.
We still did things like we drove down to Miami and we brought her with us and
(17:01):
you go to a hotel and instead of going down to the bar and getting drinks together,
you take them up to your room, you put her to bed, and you have a little date
night in the room together while she's sleeping. You get creative. You find ways.
It just shifts and changes. Yes, be creative, but you don't have to stop living
your life, but you should listen to your baby.
(17:22):
Don't rely on DoorDash. Do meal prep.
This one was a lifesaver. Yeah, this is a big one because you will get sick
of Chipotle very quickly.
And all the takeout options available to you. I mean, first off,
people are super nice. Like, I mean, it depends.
Obviously, you could be like, I have no friends. I have no family.
No one came to my help when I had a child. I'm sorry.
(17:43):
But like for the most part, people are super happy, you know,
friendly and want to set up like a DoorDash meal train or whatever it is,
gift cards and stuff. And it's super helpful. Don't get me wrong.
But your body and your mind will thank you about food prepping.
And I got a hats off to Kaylin on this one.
I was really big on this one. I thought that we're preparing for doomsday for
(18:04):
about six months because she double batched every meal that she cooked.
I mean, for literally months.
And not only did she do that and store up all this food so that I could be a
Michelin star chef because all I had to do was heat it up and it was good to go.
But she batched it all and then she made like an actual document of our inventory.
(18:25):
I had a whole list of inventory so we could decide what we wanted to eat.
But for postpartum moms, this is also really important to your healing is having
good nourishing foods for your body.
And I didn't want to have Chipotle every day.
And I also wanted to make it easy on him and me.
And there's something about having food that you cooked and you know what's in it.
(18:48):
I don't know. There's just a lot of things. And it's also, like,
empowering to know that, like, I'm still feeding my family even though I'm not doing the cooking.
Like, by using the force. By using the force. But, I mean, people say,
like, hey, don't worry about, like, you know, don't cook.
Rely upon people to bring you food and stuff. And, like, yeah, sure.
But also, like... We didn't have a whole...
(19:09):
Healthy community where we were at the time.
We had some people we knew who were very generous and helpful,
but we wanted to make sure we were also prepared.
So that was, I thought it was pretty easy to prepare for because like he said,
I just kind of double batched everything.
So it was like, okay, instead of leftovers, which you never eat anyway,
I just would freeze it and put put it in the
(19:31):
deep freeze and we had food for days no
literally day weeks months they say
months so i mean that was a great call out of just something that super practical
people don't really talk about yeah i thought it was great and then but if anyone
would think about it it's me my wife because i'm always hungry and the things
(19:53):
i wish i did make more of were like like breakfast-y foods.
Just saying. Made a lot of soups. Love the soups. You love the soups. Soups are great.
But yeah, the food definitely came in clutch. It was definitely a practical
thing to do and I'm glad we did it.
I'll do it again. So those are just a few things I think people told us either not to do or to do.
(20:15):
I mean, no one told us to prep food. That was a really genius move.
No one ever made us feel... I mean,
going out and living our life but i mean honestly at the
end of the day like it was the best thing for us yeah um
you know no one prepares you for the family thing and
i think everyone talks about like how you like you have to i don't know at least
(20:36):
i got i feel like we got a lot of peer pressure not peer pressure but you know
comments from our family about being more open to their helping and you know
i think it's okay for someone to say it's why we're saying it it's okay to also to be like,
I'm not ready for that. You can have healthy boundaries with your family.
So we hope those things are helpful. They're helpful little tips, advice.
(20:57):
You know, we love being parents. It's the best thing that ever happened to us.
It's really redefined, I think, who we are as people, especially myself.
It's changed our whole life. Yeah.
So we hope that's helpful and you'll enjoy it. If you enjoy the show,
please subscribe. You can leave a comment.
Click that bell so you're notified when we post another video.
We do a video each week. We really appreciate all the support. here on YouTube.
(21:20):
If you listen on podcasts, leave us a review, follow the show. Again, super helpful.
If you like the show, drop in the comments. If you have a question,
drop in the comments anywhere.
If you hate the show, drop that in the comments and let us know what you hate about it.
So you can always follow us on social, at Real Relationship Ramble. Got anything else?
No, that's it. I'm Justin. Katelyn. Catch you later.
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