March 6, 2024 • 23 mins
Get ready for a wild journey as we navigate through the weird and awkward moments that come with being in a relationship. Join us as we highlight and try to normalize those cringe-worthy moments, from bathroom disasters to the struggle of maintaining personal space in a committed relationship. Discover the importance of communication, bathroom boundaries, and the art of finding humor in every situation. And let's not forget the crucial lesson of always making sure the bathroom is stocked with toilet paper to avoid that awkward call to your partner for more!
#RelationshipHumor #DatingChallenges #MarriageMisadventures #AwkwardMoments #BathroomEtiquette #OpenCommunication #RelationshipAdvice #PodcastLaughs #HilariousLifeMoments #SharedExistence
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Let's be real. Dating and marriage is fantastic, but... It's got those cringeworthy moments.
Do you remember just driving away from a date or something, just hitting yourself
in the head, being like, oh, why did I say or do that thing?
Yeah. And it gets weirder and weirder. Buckle up.
I feel like this episode is a bit like watching The Office, which is Caitlin's favorite show.
(00:23):
It's so uncomfortable sometimes. Sometimes you just, you sit there and you feel
uncomfortable, but you're uncomfortable because you know, it's true.
Because everyone's been through this, right? Everyone's been through this.
Do you remember your first kiss? I mean, you've had many. I've only had like two.
Okay. Well, I don't have to get into that. But you're all like,
(00:45):
where's my head going to go? What's he going to try to touch?
Is there such a thing as a perfect first kiss? I thought ours was really good. Oh, makes one of us.
Joking. But no, it's a good point. Like there is that, I mean,
the first time you may be intimate with someone like your wife,
(01:05):
hopefully, or husband, like that could be awkward.
I mean, you're trying to be romantic. Yeah, but your bodies make weird noises. Let's be real.
Like, have you ever been like kissing and then your stomach growls or like you
need to pass gas, but you don't want to?
Like our bodies are weird.
That's what we're going to talk about today. day so we're gonna count down i
(01:27):
think probably our four weirdest things that
happen when you're dating and then when
you're married some things get even more strange
especially with kids okay number one on our
list is the first passing of
gas in front of each other or in front of each other not
no not like when you're a baby you don't even know what's happening i'm saying like the
(01:49):
first that's not what i meant oh what do you mean i just meant like where it's
like allowed loud you know oh well so in the dating phase you were trying to
hide your farts and suppress your farts for as long as possible when we when
we were married kaylin told me a story about how.
(02:09):
Dramatic this suppression of the farts was and what it did to her so i would
wear like high waisted jeans and we'd like hang out and i'd try to hold in all the air and like,
Then I'd get in my car and my stomach would hurt so bad.
I'd have to unbutton my pants on the drive home and then just release the air.
(02:31):
What a stinky car ride. It wasn't stinky. It was just air.
But I don't want to fart in front of you. But then when we were dating,
he pees a lot and he's a very hydrated man.
But were you hiding something? something so i will i will start this by saying
i i tend to use the restroom quite frequently,
(02:53):
period like i yes like if if things aren't
like borderline clear i i don't think i'm hydrated enough which is probably
not healthy but but you know i will i will admit i did admit this to you is
that i would at times go use the restroom simply to let one lose let one rip.
(03:15):
But no what is that moment where it
becomes okay because now i mean
oh so now we got a kid i've seen way too much of
kaylin well you saw me give birth like i all all
things are after that everything is is is
off the table but you know i mean now you know we'll
be laying in bed and she'll be like i'm so sorry it's
(03:35):
gonna be a rough night i'm like what are you talking about and then gonna hit you i'm like
oh my goodness and i try to hide it
is she like she bakes it all underneath the
blankets and i'm like no i go that's you're just gonna store
it under there like vent your side of the bed so your butt is you know exposed
to the other side away from me and letting it out that way last night i put
(03:57):
on like essential oils in the like diffuser so that it would like help mask
the smell she always thinks like i'm not gonna notice she like she's always
like shocked that I found out.
I'm like, oh my God, did you just? And she's like, how do you know?
I'm like, how do I know? How do you not know?
But what is that point in which it just happened?
(04:17):
The farting just happens. Because at some point you would just be like, it's okay. Just fart.
Did I give you permission? Is that how this started? Maybe. I don't know. You may fart.
I think, so we were dating for about a year and then COVID happened.
So we were like really hanging out a lot because we had, you know.
(04:38):
Because COVID. Because COVID. And we were like working from home and traveling and stuff.
So I think like in that phase, because we were like spending so much time together,
it's not like you could like hide it we're basically living together
without living together i would come over in the afternoon because
she would promise lunch and then i would hang out because she
promised dinner so and i saved a lot
(04:59):
of groceries that's not true i actually bought i
bought a lot of groceries i spent more money probably no no no i
bought the groceries oh did you yeah and then i food prepped for you
i loved you so much and i was just like i hope
i was sold sold a very different arrangement than what
i have now in 2024 what are you talking about moving
on so i think that i think that
(05:19):
you know natural it's a natural thing i think the biggest takeaway
is the sooner you can just like seriously it doesn't matter if you're dating
for like two months or like two days like the sooner you could just be like
i guess i guess two days a little soon but oh no that's but it's just being
yourself and being like listen i'm gonna let this one rip and I apologize in
advance. But I think there's a sweetness to like.
(05:42):
You know hiding it for a while like you would like
try to like hide lots of things you know
like you're you you don't want anyone to know your dirty business
you know you don't want to air out your dirty laundry so like i think it's kind
of sweet for a minute there but at the same time if you can like make it not
weird for your partner when you're i guarantee you if you told your partner
(06:03):
hey you know what you can fart it's like they would be just they'd be like thank you you.
Kayla would be like, oh, my pants are coming or bursting at the seams with so
much air. So talk to your partner.
The sooner you can get there, probably the better for your health, for your pants.
Okay. Intimacy with kids. This is such a process.
(06:27):
I don't think anyone really shares or talks
enough about how much your sex
life is going to change change once you have a kid and it's
not necessarily that you're just gonna be so busy that you're not gonna have time
for it it's it's just that like everything everything
about it has fundamentally changed because now it's not a simple oh hey what
(06:48):
you doing you know now it's you have to plan this it's it's got to be planned
out number one it's like well also if you plan it she will stay up and tell
so you you can't you yeah exactly you can't hold it loosely like like loose
plan if If she goes to bed at a decent time tonight,
do you want to possibly, you know, hang out?
Hang out, as we say, as we call it.
(07:10):
And then it goes, what kind of hangout do you want to do?
Like a hangout hangout. Like sexy time hangout or like watch a movie on the couch hangout?
I mean, either. But, you know, let's lean in towards the first.
But, okay, so now, and you probably know this better than I do.
I think what happens now is that normally, you know, she'll be like, okay, she's down.
Am I right? And I go, go set it up.
(07:32):
It's like, no, it's not like a... She sleeps in our room. So we don't really like to do it.
In our room yeah what if she wakes up and like you know so we have we have a
baby monitor so i get the baby monitor i get the intimate things that one needs
to prevent a baby from being made again and then we have a we have a guest bedroom
(07:55):
and we lay down you know a special blanket,
as jesson calls the sex blanket because i don't want to do the sheets constantly
because your Your family is over all the time.
None of our friends are ever going to stay in that guest room again. I know.
Well, I wash it and I wash all the sheets regularly.
But anyway, so we go into the room and we have our marital bliss.
(08:18):
It's not like... But hold on. Before that, you go into the room and she'll be
like, I'll get ready. I'm like, okay, sounds good.
And so then I will into the room. And so she has set up the things needed.
And then there is a baby monitor to which then I have to position the baby monitor
because it is... It is your duty. It is my job.
To watch the baby. watch the baby so talk about
multitasking like you really do
(08:40):
a lot of multitasking yes i am you
don't want it to get in my head that she's like well yeah
oh and that's going deeper here but kayla needs
to have a very free mind to enjoy herself so
basically i'm over there like doing 20
things at once making this all happen while
watching the baby and the worst part is when like she starts to stir
(09:02):
and i have to make that judgment call of like okay no he's she
like she like readjust herself and he's like
go go go go go and he's like
running after her i'm like what are you gonna do you're
gonna get there she can't drink milk from your boobs you don't have boobs but
like what are you doing wow this is so personal on so many levels it's just
(09:25):
it's the truth gone are the days of dating where you're just like making out
on the couch and you're like It's so cute.
Although that's... Making out turns into something else. Like that's gone.
No, we never did that. Oh, when we got married. Yes. Yes. No,
I'm saying like that whole aspect.
And I don't think people talk about that. No, you gotta like...
They talk about that you're not gonna have it as much, but they don't talk about
(09:47):
it as far as it's gonna be just totally different. Yeah, but I think it's still great.
Yeah. I mean, I'm sure as your kids get older, it gets better,
right? Because you don't have to be watching them on a monitor.
I guess. But then what if they knock on your door and are like, hey, daddy.
What are you doing to mommy?
(10:08):
Next, the lack of personal time.
And by lack of personal time, I mean the complete utter obliteration of any personal time.
There's no privacy at all when you get married from dating.
I think that's a big shift in a couple different ways. and
(10:30):
i think for me like i'm one of those people who like i like
alone time and i remember a
couple months into marriage and i was like she's not
going away and that was was that
you're like oh boy moment there was there
was definitely an oh boy moment because i did realize like i
will never be alone again to just
(10:51):
you sit on the couch with a pint of ice cream by myself with
no judgment and watch a movie like those
days are gone and you have to adjust
you do have to adjust like there's there's just there's no
personal space yeah and i think that's that's a
big adjustment but i think you know that that that
also just you know it spills into so many other things like you're never alone
(11:15):
so that means you never are truly alone when you have to use the restroom you're
never truly alone when you want to shower and then and you're never truly alone
when you We want to cleanse those special bits in the shower.
Correct. Because like, you know, Kaylin had, this is before we had a kid.
She had just the worst timing. The worst timing. Like I could,
(11:38):
I'll wake up before Kaylin does.
I'll go work out. I'll do my thing. And like, I'll come back home to shower.
I've already been awake for like almost two hours before Kaylin's even thinking
about rolling out of bed.
And when she does oh gosh it
is so sad but but
i've lived i lived a whole other life before caitlin wakes up
(11:59):
but when she does wake i swear she would have to like in the apartment we're
not the apartment we're in in your house she would have to walk past the shower
to get to the toilet and well it was like you saw the shower from the yeah on
your way to the toilet and without Without fail,
when I try to scrub someplace,
(12:19):
I don't really want to see anyone else seeing me cleanse.
That's when she would decide to walk out, go, good morning, and go to the toilet.
It only got worse, too, because when we moved to our house in Florida,
it had this glass shower, so everything's on display.
And our sinks are there, the toilet's there. I have to go in.
(12:40):
So she would go in there. And every time I'd go in, and I'm like, I'm sorry.
I swear. where i could like what is wrong with you
why do you like and then and then the worst part is and
i didn't know this but then she would just like walk out
and i'm okay well she's gonna use the restroom then she's gonna walk out and like
leave and i'll continue to shower she would walk out go to the sink start
brushing her teeth and i'm like i'm trying to shower but like like
(13:02):
right next to her it's my sink but like this
these are like the five minutes that you need to get this stuff done
what okay but the frustrating part though
is once we had our daughter he would still
want to take a shower by himself which like i get but then
i would want to take a shower by himself by myself and he
would bring in our daughter and be like she
(13:24):
wants mommy she she wanted faces at mommy
it's like yeah distract her she's a baby let
me have my two minutes in the shower once you have
of a kid there is no privacy there is no i mean how many
times has you know i pee like she's pees and like i mean i pee with her sitting
in front of me yeah we have like a little walker we put her in purely just for
(13:44):
babysitting purposes at this point that she goes into for a second so kaylin
can pee but she'll put it in there and she'll probably try to like kaylin try to close the door and she.
Rams right into the door and i'm like i'm trying
to do more than pee lila you don't want to be close to me
right now well you know lila has this thing that i
discovered now it happens to me in the mornings well now my like i
(14:06):
used to shower in the mornings and you know even though
i didn't have privacy i had more privacy than i do now that we have a kid because
now it feels like i go to shower lila wakes up when
i start to shower she wants to see daddy right away and that's
her only time to see so then caitlin brings her over so then becomes
a game of peekaboo in the morning while i'm trying to shower and then
caitlin decides it's a great time to talk about the day But also
like this is he goes on a walk so like we don't see him all morning and then
(14:31):
like this is there are two minutes to like connect and like be like okay you're
gonna go to your workout and then you're gonna come home or like what are you
gonna do what's your plan we and like that's our time to connect so it now becomes like.
Family download but i do well daddy i do
try to let you have your bath time when you need
(14:52):
to like take a she does she
does allow some alone time here and there yeah on occasion point is point is
is that once you're married the the privacy time just falls away and so you
know it truly is something you should probably have a conversation about like
going into marriage of like hey you You know, and I'll be honest,
(15:14):
I wasn't very transparent with Caitlin saying like, hey, listen,
when I shower, I really, really don't like anyone around. Like that's kind of
like my moment. It got kind of passive aggressive.
Yes, I was very passive aggressive. He was kind of rude about it.
And I was like, oh, sorry. I just, I love you.
Yeah. And like, so don't do what I did and just assume that your partner has
(15:34):
the exact same desires that you do of having a personal shower time.
You should have a conversation. and just be like, hey, listen,
this is something that I find kind of, you know, I like. Like for me,
my shower time is like I'm thinking through the day.
I'm using deep thoughts. Sometimes I'm praying. Like there's a lot of things going through my head.
And so, you know, I kind of like to be left undisturbed. But I probably should
(15:55):
have disclosed that in advance.
Well, we all like to be undisturbed during our shower, but not all of us get
that luxury anymore. None of us do.
When you have to go, am I right?
There comes a point when when
you have to you can't help it nature
has called and you have to go poop
(16:16):
at your boyfriend's apartment and you
don't want to flush too many times but you don't want to clog the toilet and
have there's like a movie clip i'm forgetting the movie anyway where you're
like using the plunger you don't want to have that moment so like what do you
do i feel I feel like you've given this a way more thought than I have.
(16:39):
There's so many times when I've come over to your apartment and I would go. When we were dating.
When we were dating and I'd go downstairs and use the public restroom by the
pool. Oh, like in the apartment?
Yeah, like, yeah. See, and I thought I did a pretty nice job of making that
bathroom very accessible. There's a plunger there.
There is a plunger there. Which is like, you know, tip, if you wanna make your
(16:59):
boyfriend or girlfriend feel better about having to poop at your place.
Just give them a plunger. A plunger is helpful. Plenty of toilet paper under
the sink as well. Yes. And.
Yes. Yeah. Oh, this reminded me of a story. Tell me. I was at Kaylin's place. Oh, no.
And I had. I did not have good toilet etiquette.
(17:22):
You did not have any toilet paper in that room. Oh, my God. And I think I had
a call out to you. And it was so embarrassing.
Now, granted, we had been dating for a while now. out so
it probably wasn't too bad so but it was still crazy
it was still one of those moments where you're looking around you're like opening every
drawer and you're like you're like come on is there a clean xbox yeah
is there paper towels is there something else i can use in here
(17:44):
and i think i had a good like kaylin and you're like what i'm like there's no
toilet oh i remember that i think i felt so bad and i was like this is the worst
this is the worst like it's so embarrassing so yes like be a good boyfriend
or girlfriend have a plunger and have plenty of
toilet paper and and you know
(18:04):
i love a good air freshener we have a
like non-toxic one grow i love you that it
like dissipates the poop smell i think really well i
mean i i yes i mean whatever it is
like have something like that in there but but it's like there's a
moment when you're like oh he knows she knows it there's
there's definitely a time clock like hey i'm gonna go i'm gonna
(18:26):
use the restroom and and that's and then i think at one point when we were dating
that's like when I I think I would like do the dishes after dinner and he would
be like okay I'm gonna go use the restroom because there's like enough noise
going on because I think you would turn on the water all the time in the sink
and I'd be like I know what's happening.
But you're like but you have to be like cool about it you're like,
(18:50):
it's a good time good time was that a good book you read yeah
no i don't think we ever spoke about i think you just knew
yeah you just sick of me a little longer and i think
i would always come out with some sort of excuse like oh man my allergies
are really bucking me or something like you got any more tissues or
something stupid but these are stupid things you
do when you're dating oh i i have more that we need to talk about
(19:12):
that we didn't even talk anyway but at some point it just
becomes comes normal like i gotta go i gotta poop it
is nature it is i think it comes the same time when
the farts become acceptable but yeah
it's definitely farts is like phase one and then poop is phase two
but like some couples take it too far like i would
never like yes we talk about it sometimes when
(19:33):
it's like what did we eat last night no no not we you
kaylin talks about it but you've asked i've
asked out of concern of like hey do we do we eat beets or
something red the the other night oh yeah because you always think you're
like bleeding and dying i always think i'm dying but i mean no
i have asked in those terms but i am probably far
too open will be like hey you won't believe like guess what happened today no
(19:58):
i'm just kidding no you've done that you're like in the consistency i'm like
i don't need to know i don't need to know some things in life are better left
a mystery mystery i don't send you pictures though i mean i know people who
do that but that's disgusting.
Yes, Kaylin has a friend where they do that and it's weird. And I won't call
them out right now, but it's weird.
(20:19):
Like, can you imagine that? No, that's so- Like, I don't even know that much about your day or you.
No. Or what's going on inside you. It's too much, too far, people.
Don't take it too far. Don't take it too far.
Also, when we were dating, this is such a sidebar, but you would like,
we didn't communicate enough in the beginning of like, Like, hey, what's the plan?
(20:41):
It was just like, hey, traffic's this much, traffic's that much to your house,
to my house. Like, where do you want to meet or whatever?
But we didn't have a plan. And he'd be like, well, you can come over if you want.
And I'd be like, I'd want to hang out with him.
And then I'd show up. There's like no food.
Like he had these like pre-pepped meals that he would like eat.
Yeah. And so I didn't know. I had a very, very demanding job at the time.
(21:05):
I was like, oh, we're going to have dinner. It's dinner time.
Oh, hold on. It was like 7.30. No, it wasn't. It felt late.
You had a long day. But he would be like, come on over. I didn't know that I
was supposed to eat before I came.
And so he would have like his little pre-prepped meal.
And he'd be eating it in front of me. And he's like, did you eat? And I'd be like, yeah.
(21:29):
And then we'd hang out. And my stomach would be growling. And I'd be trying
to hide this noise. You could have just gone food.
Because I didn't want to eat. I was so nervous around you. I would get even more gassy.
And then I was also so nervous around you sometimes that like, I don't know.
So I didn't want to eat in front of you because I thought I was a normal fast eater.
(21:51):
And he eats so fast and I eat so slow compared to him. Anyway. This is another thing.
Don't, if you're a girl, don't do this. Kayleen did not, did not reveal how much she ate to me.
We would go out to dinner and she would always leave food on the plate.
And I'm like, are you hungry?
Because I was so nervous. You're going to eat? Now I'm ravenous.
(22:12):
Now she eats her food and half of my food half the time. That is not true.
That is not true. Because when I was pregnant. No, you're right.
She eats all of her food and the appetizer that she ordered for herself, her second meal.
So ridiculous. Somewhat true. But then I would have to drive through In-N-Out
on the way home and get food.
And he'd be like, are you home yet? And I'd be like, yeah. And I was like still pulling up the street.
(22:37):
Hiding her in and out oh so visit
i think the takeaway of all this is
that it's just so important to communicate
because it makes your partner feel
better more comfortable about the situations less gassy
less gassy for sure always stock that toilet paper
(22:57):
yeah be courteous and at the end of the day like
these are all like guess everyone it's natural
like everyone's got these things going on so
the faster you can get over them and you know not be
grossed out by not be like holding gas in for
your whole day to the point where you go in the car and you have to
explode your pants open i mean like it's just ridiculous so communicate and
(23:19):
make and make your partner feel comfortable because they're uncomfortable situations
like me waiting for toilet paper in kayleen's bathroom so don't do that don't
do it sorry all right anything else no that's it if you like the show if you
liked all the poop and the,
fart talk uh subscribe comment leave a comment follow us on youtube follow us
(23:40):
on the instas we'll see you later.
Let's be real. Dating and marriage is fantastic, but... It's got those cringeworthy moments.
Do you remember just driving away from a date or something, just hitting yourself
in the head, being like, oh, why did I say or do that thing?
Yeah. And it gets weirder and weirder. Buckle up.
I feel like this episode is a bit like watching The Office, which is Caitlin's favorite show.
(00:23):
It's so uncomfortable sometimes. Sometimes you just, you sit there and you feel
uncomfortable, but you're uncomfortable because you know, it's true.
Because everyone's been through this, right? Everyone's been through this.
Do you remember your first kiss? I mean, you've had many. I've only had like two.
Okay. Well, I don't have to get into that. But you're all like,
(00:45):
where's my head going to go? What's he going to try to touch?
Is there such a thing as a perfect first kiss? I thought ours was really good. Oh, makes one of us.
Joking. But no, it's a good point. Like there is that, I mean,
the first time you may be intimate with someone like your wife,
(01:05):
hopefully, or husband, like that could be awkward.
I mean, you're trying to be romantic. Yeah, but your bodies make weird noises. Let's be real.
Like, have you ever been like kissing and then your stomach growls or like you
need to pass gas, but you don't want to?
Like our bodies are weird.
That's what we're going to talk about today. day so we're gonna count down i
(01:27):
think probably our four weirdest things that
happen when you're dating and then when
you're married some things get even more strange
especially with kids okay number one on our
list is the first passing of
gas in front of each other or in front of each other not
no not like when you're a baby you don't even know what's happening i'm saying like the
(01:49):
first that's not what i meant oh what do you mean i just meant like where it's
like allowed loud you know oh well so in the dating phase you were trying to
hide your farts and suppress your farts for as long as possible when we when
we were married kaylin told me a story about how.
(02:09):
Dramatic this suppression of the farts was and what it did to her so i would
wear like high waisted jeans and we'd like hang out and i'd try to hold in all the air and like,
Then I'd get in my car and my stomach would hurt so bad.
I'd have to unbutton my pants on the drive home and then just release the air.
(02:31):
What a stinky car ride. It wasn't stinky. It was just air.
But I don't want to fart in front of you. But then when we were dating,
he pees a lot and he's a very hydrated man.
But were you hiding something? something so i will i will start this by saying
i i tend to use the restroom quite frequently,
(02:53):
period like i yes like if if things aren't
like borderline clear i i don't think i'm hydrated enough which is probably
not healthy but but you know i will i will admit i did admit this to you is
that i would at times go use the restroom simply to let one lose let one rip.
(03:15):
But no what is that moment where it
becomes okay because now i mean
oh so now we got a kid i've seen way too much of
kaylin well you saw me give birth like i all all
things are after that everything is is is
off the table but you know i mean now you know we'll
be laying in bed and she'll be like i'm so sorry it's
(03:35):
gonna be a rough night i'm like what are you talking about and then gonna hit you i'm like
oh my goodness and i try to hide it
is she like she bakes it all underneath the
blankets and i'm like no i go that's you're just gonna store
it under there like vent your side of the bed so your butt is you know exposed
to the other side away from me and letting it out that way last night i put
(03:57):
on like essential oils in the like diffuser so that it would like help mask
the smell she always thinks like i'm not gonna notice she like she's always
like shocked that I found out.
I'm like, oh my God, did you just? And she's like, how do you know?
I'm like, how do I know? How do you not know?
But what is that point in which it just happened?
(04:17):
The farting just happens. Because at some point you would just be like, it's okay. Just fart.
Did I give you permission? Is that how this started? Maybe. I don't know. You may fart.
I think, so we were dating for about a year and then COVID happened.
So we were like really hanging out a lot because we had, you know.
(04:38):
Because COVID. Because COVID. And we were like working from home and traveling and stuff.
So I think like in that phase, because we were like spending so much time together,
it's not like you could like hide it we're basically living together
without living together i would come over in the afternoon because
she would promise lunch and then i would hang out because she
promised dinner so and i saved a lot
(04:59):
of groceries that's not true i actually bought i
bought a lot of groceries i spent more money probably no no no i
bought the groceries oh did you yeah and then i food prepped for you
i loved you so much and i was just like i hope
i was sold sold a very different arrangement than what
i have now in 2024 what are you talking about moving
on so i think that i think that
(05:19):
you know natural it's a natural thing i think the biggest takeaway
is the sooner you can just like seriously it doesn't matter if you're dating
for like two months or like two days like the sooner you could just be like
i guess i guess two days a little soon but oh no that's but it's just being
yourself and being like listen i'm gonna let this one rip and I apologize in
advance. But I think there's a sweetness to like.
(05:42):
You know hiding it for a while like you would like
try to like hide lots of things you know
like you're you you don't want anyone to know your dirty business
you know you don't want to air out your dirty laundry so like i think it's kind
of sweet for a minute there but at the same time if you can like make it not
weird for your partner when you're i guarantee you if you told your partner
(06:03):
hey you know what you can fart it's like they would be just they'd be like thank you you.
Kayla would be like, oh, my pants are coming or bursting at the seams with so
much air. So talk to your partner.
The sooner you can get there, probably the better for your health, for your pants.
Okay. Intimacy with kids. This is such a process.
(06:27):
I don't think anyone really shares or talks
enough about how much your sex
life is going to change change once you have a kid and it's
not necessarily that you're just gonna be so busy that you're not gonna have time
for it it's it's just that like everything everything
about it has fundamentally changed because now it's not a simple oh hey what
(06:48):
you doing you know now it's you have to plan this it's it's got to be planned
out number one it's like well also if you plan it she will stay up and tell
so you you can't you yeah exactly you can't hold it loosely like like loose
plan if If she goes to bed at a decent time tonight,
do you want to possibly, you know, hang out?
Hang out, as we say, as we call it.
(07:10):
And then it goes, what kind of hangout do you want to do?
Like a hangout hangout. Like sexy time hangout or like watch a movie on the couch hangout?
I mean, either. But, you know, let's lean in towards the first.
But, okay, so now, and you probably know this better than I do.
I think what happens now is that normally, you know, she'll be like, okay, she's down.
Am I right? And I go, go set it up.
(07:32):
It's like, no, it's not like a... She sleeps in our room. So we don't really like to do it.
In our room yeah what if she wakes up and like you know so we have we have a
baby monitor so i get the baby monitor i get the intimate things that one needs
to prevent a baby from being made again and then we have a we have a guest bedroom
(07:55):
and we lay down you know a special blanket,
as jesson calls the sex blanket because i don't want to do the sheets constantly
because your Your family is over all the time.
None of our friends are ever going to stay in that guest room again. I know.
Well, I wash it and I wash all the sheets regularly.
But anyway, so we go into the room and we have our marital bliss.
(08:18):
It's not like... But hold on. Before that, you go into the room and she'll be
like, I'll get ready. I'm like, okay, sounds good.
And so then I will into the room. And so she has set up the things needed.
And then there is a baby monitor to which then I have to position the baby monitor
because it is... It is your duty. It is my job.
To watch the baby. watch the baby so talk about
multitasking like you really do
(08:40):
a lot of multitasking yes i am you
don't want it to get in my head that she's like well yeah
oh and that's going deeper here but kayla needs
to have a very free mind to enjoy herself so
basically i'm over there like doing 20
things at once making this all happen while
watching the baby and the worst part is when like she starts to stir
(09:02):
and i have to make that judgment call of like okay no he's she
like she like readjust herself and he's like
go go go go go and he's like
running after her i'm like what are you gonna do you're
gonna get there she can't drink milk from your boobs you don't have boobs but
like what are you doing wow this is so personal on so many levels it's just
(09:25):
it's the truth gone are the days of dating where you're just like making out
on the couch and you're like It's so cute.
Although that's... Making out turns into something else. Like that's gone.
No, we never did that. Oh, when we got married. Yes. Yes. No,
I'm saying like that whole aspect.
And I don't think people talk about that. No, you gotta like...
They talk about that you're not gonna have it as much, but they don't talk about
(09:47):
it as far as it's gonna be just totally different. Yeah, but I think it's still great.
Yeah. I mean, I'm sure as your kids get older, it gets better,
right? Because you don't have to be watching them on a monitor.
I guess. But then what if they knock on your door and are like, hey, daddy.
What are you doing to mommy?
(10:08):
Next, the lack of personal time.
And by lack of personal time, I mean the complete utter obliteration of any personal time.
There's no privacy at all when you get married from dating.
I think that's a big shift in a couple different ways. and
(10:30):
i think for me like i'm one of those people who like i like
alone time and i remember a
couple months into marriage and i was like she's not
going away and that was was that
you're like oh boy moment there was there
was definitely an oh boy moment because i did realize like i
will never be alone again to just
(10:51):
you sit on the couch with a pint of ice cream by myself with
no judgment and watch a movie like those
days are gone and you have to adjust
you do have to adjust like there's there's just there's no
personal space yeah and i think that's that's a
big adjustment but i think you know that that that
also just you know it spills into so many other things like you're never alone
(11:15):
so that means you never are truly alone when you have to use the restroom you're
never truly alone when you want to shower and then and you're never truly alone
when you We want to cleanse those special bits in the shower.
Correct. Because like, you know, Kaylin had, this is before we had a kid.
She had just the worst timing. The worst timing. Like I could,
(11:38):
I'll wake up before Kaylin does.
I'll go work out. I'll do my thing. And like, I'll come back home to shower.
I've already been awake for like almost two hours before Kaylin's even thinking
about rolling out of bed.
And when she does oh gosh it
is so sad but but
i've lived i lived a whole other life before caitlin wakes up
(11:59):
but when she does wake i swear she would have to like in the apartment we're
not the apartment we're in in your house she would have to walk past the shower
to get to the toilet and well it was like you saw the shower from the yeah on
your way to the toilet and without Without fail,
when I try to scrub someplace,
(12:19):
I don't really want to see anyone else seeing me cleanse.
That's when she would decide to walk out, go, good morning, and go to the toilet.
It only got worse, too, because when we moved to our house in Florida,
it had this glass shower, so everything's on display.
And our sinks are there, the toilet's there. I have to go in.
(12:40):
So she would go in there. And every time I'd go in, and I'm like, I'm sorry.
I swear. where i could like what is wrong with you
why do you like and then and then the worst part is and
i didn't know this but then she would just like walk out
and i'm okay well she's gonna use the restroom then she's gonna walk out and like
leave and i'll continue to shower she would walk out go to the sink start
brushing her teeth and i'm like i'm trying to shower but like like
(13:02):
right next to her it's my sink but like this
these are like the five minutes that you need to get this stuff done
what okay but the frustrating part though
is once we had our daughter he would still
want to take a shower by himself which like i get but then
i would want to take a shower by himself by myself and he
would bring in our daughter and be like she
(13:24):
wants mommy she she wanted faces at mommy
it's like yeah distract her she's a baby let
me have my two minutes in the shower once you have
of a kid there is no privacy there is no i mean how many
times has you know i pee like she's pees and like i mean i pee with her sitting
in front of me yeah we have like a little walker we put her in purely just for
(13:44):
babysitting purposes at this point that she goes into for a second so kaylin
can pee but she'll put it in there and she'll probably try to like kaylin try to close the door and she.
Rams right into the door and i'm like i'm trying
to do more than pee lila you don't want to be close to me
right now well you know lila has this thing that i
discovered now it happens to me in the mornings well now my like i
(14:06):
used to shower in the mornings and you know even though
i didn't have privacy i had more privacy than i do now that we have a kid because
now it feels like i go to shower lila wakes up when
i start to shower she wants to see daddy right away and that's
her only time to see so then caitlin brings her over so then becomes
a game of peekaboo in the morning while i'm trying to shower and then
caitlin decides it's a great time to talk about the day But also
like this is he goes on a walk so like we don't see him all morning and then
(14:31):
like this is there are two minutes to like connect and like be like okay you're
gonna go to your workout and then you're gonna come home or like what are you
gonna do what's your plan we and like that's our time to connect so it now becomes like.
Family download but i do well daddy i do
try to let you have your bath time when you need
(14:52):
to like take a she does she
does allow some alone time here and there yeah on occasion point is point is
is that once you're married the the privacy time just falls away and so you
know it truly is something you should probably have a conversation about like
going into marriage of like hey you You know, and I'll be honest,
(15:14):
I wasn't very transparent with Caitlin saying like, hey, listen,
when I shower, I really, really don't like anyone around. Like that's kind of
like my moment. It got kind of passive aggressive.
Yes, I was very passive aggressive. He was kind of rude about it.
And I was like, oh, sorry. I just, I love you.
Yeah. And like, so don't do what I did and just assume that your partner has
(15:34):
the exact same desires that you do of having a personal shower time.
You should have a conversation. and just be like, hey, listen,
this is something that I find kind of, you know, I like. Like for me,
my shower time is like I'm thinking through the day.
I'm using deep thoughts. Sometimes I'm praying. Like there's a lot of things going through my head.
And so, you know, I kind of like to be left undisturbed. But I probably should
(15:55):
have disclosed that in advance.
Well, we all like to be undisturbed during our shower, but not all of us get
that luxury anymore. None of us do.
When you have to go, am I right?
There comes a point when when
you have to you can't help it nature
has called and you have to go poop
(16:16):
at your boyfriend's apartment and you
don't want to flush too many times but you don't want to clog the toilet and
have there's like a movie clip i'm forgetting the movie anyway where you're
like using the plunger you don't want to have that moment so like what do you
do i feel I feel like you've given this a way more thought than I have.
(16:39):
There's so many times when I've come over to your apartment and I would go. When we were dating.
When we were dating and I'd go downstairs and use the public restroom by the
pool. Oh, like in the apartment?
Yeah, like, yeah. See, and I thought I did a pretty nice job of making that
bathroom very accessible. There's a plunger there.
There is a plunger there. Which is like, you know, tip, if you wanna make your
(16:59):
boyfriend or girlfriend feel better about having to poop at your place.
Just give them a plunger. A plunger is helpful. Plenty of toilet paper under
the sink as well. Yes. And.
Yes. Yeah. Oh, this reminded me of a story. Tell me. I was at Kaylin's place. Oh, no.
And I had. I did not have good toilet etiquette.
(17:22):
You did not have any toilet paper in that room. Oh, my God. And I think I had
a call out to you. And it was so embarrassing.
Now, granted, we had been dating for a while now. out so
it probably wasn't too bad so but it was still crazy
it was still one of those moments where you're looking around you're like opening every
drawer and you're like you're like come on is there a clean xbox yeah
is there paper towels is there something else i can use in here
(17:44):
and i think i had a good like kaylin and you're like what i'm like there's no
toilet oh i remember that i think i felt so bad and i was like this is the worst
this is the worst like it's so embarrassing so yes like be a good boyfriend
or girlfriend have a plunger and have plenty of
toilet paper and and you know
(18:04):
i love a good air freshener we have a
like non-toxic one grow i love you that it
like dissipates the poop smell i think really well i
mean i i yes i mean whatever it is
like have something like that in there but but it's like there's a
moment when you're like oh he knows she knows it there's
there's definitely a time clock like hey i'm gonna go i'm gonna
(18:26):
use the restroom and and that's and then i think at one point when we were dating
that's like when I I think I would like do the dishes after dinner and he would
be like okay I'm gonna go use the restroom because there's like enough noise
going on because I think you would turn on the water all the time in the sink
and I'd be like I know what's happening.
But you're like but you have to be like cool about it you're like,
(18:50):
it's a good time good time was that a good book you read yeah
no i don't think we ever spoke about i think you just knew
yeah you just sick of me a little longer and i think
i would always come out with some sort of excuse like oh man my allergies
are really bucking me or something like you got any more tissues or
something stupid but these are stupid things you
do when you're dating oh i i have more that we need to talk about
(19:12):
that we didn't even talk anyway but at some point it just
becomes comes normal like i gotta go i gotta poop it
is nature it is i think it comes the same time when
the farts become acceptable but yeah
it's definitely farts is like phase one and then poop is phase two
but like some couples take it too far like i would
never like yes we talk about it sometimes when
(19:33):
it's like what did we eat last night no no not we you
kaylin talks about it but you've asked i've
asked out of concern of like hey do we do we eat beets or
something red the the other night oh yeah because you always think you're
like bleeding and dying i always think i'm dying but i mean no
i have asked in those terms but i am probably far
too open will be like hey you won't believe like guess what happened today no
(19:58):
i'm just kidding no you've done that you're like in the consistency i'm like
i don't need to know i don't need to know some things in life are better left
a mystery mystery i don't send you pictures though i mean i know people who
do that but that's disgusting.
Yes, Kaylin has a friend where they do that and it's weird. And I won't call
them out right now, but it's weird.
(20:19):
Like, can you imagine that? No, that's so- Like, I don't even know that much about your day or you.
No. Or what's going on inside you. It's too much, too far, people.
Don't take it too far. Don't take it too far.
Also, when we were dating, this is such a sidebar, but you would like,
we didn't communicate enough in the beginning of like, Like, hey, what's the plan?
(20:41):
It was just like, hey, traffic's this much, traffic's that much to your house,
to my house. Like, where do you want to meet or whatever?
But we didn't have a plan. And he'd be like, well, you can come over if you want.
And I'd be like, I'd want to hang out with him.
And then I'd show up. There's like no food.
Like he had these like pre-pepped meals that he would like eat.
Yeah. And so I didn't know. I had a very, very demanding job at the time.
(21:05):
I was like, oh, we're going to have dinner. It's dinner time.
Oh, hold on. It was like 7.30. No, it wasn't. It felt late.
You had a long day. But he would be like, come on over. I didn't know that I
was supposed to eat before I came.
And so he would have like his little pre-prepped meal.
And he'd be eating it in front of me. And he's like, did you eat? And I'd be like, yeah.
(21:29):
And then we'd hang out. And my stomach would be growling. And I'd be trying
to hide this noise. You could have just gone food.
Because I didn't want to eat. I was so nervous around you. I would get even more gassy.
And then I was also so nervous around you sometimes that like, I don't know.
So I didn't want to eat in front of you because I thought I was a normal fast eater.
(21:51):
And he eats so fast and I eat so slow compared to him. Anyway. This is another thing.
Don't, if you're a girl, don't do this. Kayleen did not, did not reveal how much she ate to me.
We would go out to dinner and she would always leave food on the plate.
And I'm like, are you hungry?
Because I was so nervous. You're going to eat? Now I'm ravenous.
(22:12):
Now she eats her food and half of my food half the time. That is not true.
That is not true. Because when I was pregnant. No, you're right.
She eats all of her food and the appetizer that she ordered for herself, her second meal.
So ridiculous. Somewhat true. But then I would have to drive through In-N-Out
on the way home and get food.
And he'd be like, are you home yet? And I'd be like, yeah. And I was like still pulling up the street.
(22:37):
Hiding her in and out oh so visit
i think the takeaway of all this is
that it's just so important to communicate
because it makes your partner feel
better more comfortable about the situations less gassy
less gassy for sure always stock that toilet paper
(22:57):
yeah be courteous and at the end of the day like
these are all like guess everyone it's natural
like everyone's got these things going on so
the faster you can get over them and you know not be
grossed out by not be like holding gas in for
your whole day to the point where you go in the car and you have to
explode your pants open i mean like it's just ridiculous so communicate and
(23:19):
make and make your partner feel comfortable because they're uncomfortable situations
like me waiting for toilet paper in kayleen's bathroom so don't do that don't
do it sorry all right anything else no that's it if you like the show if you
liked all the poop and the,
fart talk uh subscribe comment leave a comment follow us on youtube follow us
(23:40):
on the instas we'll see you later.
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