EP 21: Conflict Styles: How You Fight & Why It Matters

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the three most common conflict styles that show up in relationships: blame-blame, attack-withdraw, and withdraw-withdraw. With warmth, insight, and lived experience, they help listeners identify their own patterns, understand the emotional drivers underneath, and reflect on how these cycles affect connection. Whether you argue loudly or shut down silently, this episode will help you make sense of what's really happening between you and your partner. Shownotes: Episode: Conflict Styles: How You Fight & Why It Matters In this episode: 00:00 – Intro: Why conflict styles matter 03:00 – Blame–Blame (Attack–Attack) Style: Fact wars & emotional explosions 11:40 – What’s really going on under the blame game 14:15 – Pursuer–Withdrawer Pattern: A one-sided fight for connection 20:50 – The still face, shutdowns, and how withdrawal fuels escalation 27:40 – Text message tension: Modern conflict and emotional distance 30:10 – Withdraw–Withdraw Style: The silent disconnect 34:30 – Is no conflict really a problem? When disconnection feels safe 38:15 – How to recognise your style & what to do with it 42:32 – 3 Takeaway Tips + 'Would You Rather' segment 📍 Resources mentioned: 'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson (book + online course0 Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - Therapy model underpinning the conflict styles Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick – Referenced during the withdrawal discussion Understanding attachment styles: https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726 Negative relationship cycles: Connect with us: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [e-mail] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.

Credits:

Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk

Music by: Stile Tree Studio Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio