#004 - We Swiped Right on an Apocalypse

Ryan and Aliceanne trace the winding, improbable path that brought them together — through grief, loss, and awakening. What began as a tender love story quickly became an initiation: one that shattered their old identities and opened them both to something larger than themselves.

From first dates and bad eggplant parmesan to the mystical terrain of psychedelics, spiritual unraveling, and rediscovering love through consciousness itself — this episode is a raw, honest, and luminous account of what it means to meet your partner at the edge of transformation.

They talk about falling in love amid grief, the cost of awakening, codependence and boundaries, and what it means to slow down enough to actually live. This is not just a love story; it’s a story about dying to who you were and remembering who you are.

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00:00 - Opening Invitation

00:34 - Setting the Stage: “We kind of blew up each other’s lives”

02:02 – Ryan’s Beginning: Re-entering the world after Bianca’s death and the strange pull to live again.

05:00 – Ryan’s Cautious Heart: The slow thaw — learning to open again after heartbreak.

07:20 – Their First Connection: Recognizing shared language, values, and a depth of being.

09:00 – Falling in Love at Sunday Dinner: The moment Aliceanne fell in love — and the note Ryan wrote that night.

13:00 – The First Dates: Black turtlenecks, bland eggplant parmesan, and the dance of restraint.

18:00 – Holding Loosely: Learning not to grasp, hurry, or repeat old patterns of attachment.

23:00 – Psychedelics Enter the Story: Ryan’s spiritual path meets Aliceanne’s doorway to consciousness.

27:00 – The MDMA Experience: The night that opened everything — love, ego dissolution, and the unfiltered heart.

33:00 – The Aftermath: Ryan’s year-long unraveling — panic, disorientation, and the void.

39:00 – The Dark Night of the Soul: Spiritual crisis, therapy, and learning to live without ground.

45:00 – The Healing Journey: Slow integration, faith, and daily practices for spiritual hygiene.

50:00 – The Role of Psychedelics: Set, setting, and the mirror between heaven and the basement.

55:00 – Leaving the Community: Grief, endings, and the alchemy of beginning anew in the forest.

59:00 – Learning Boundaries & Intimacy: Unraveling codependence and learning to hold themselves and each other.

1:05:00 – Remembering Through Touch: How grounding, attunement, and presence became daily rituals of love.

1:12:00 – Slowing Down & Stripping Away: Aliceanne’s descent — sobriety, stillness, and rebuilding from the inside out.

1:20:00 – The Ocean and the Wave: A poetic exchange of texts that captures the essence of their union.

1:26:00 – Closing Reflections: On saying yes to what is true — and continuing to remember together.

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