#006 - The Hidden Algorithm of the Human Operating System

Join us as we explore one of the most fundamental systems of the human psyche — the attachment system.

Beginning with Ryan's raw honesty of his “bunker mode,” we trace how our earliest experiences of safety and connection become the internal compass that guides how we love, trust, and belong throughout life. Drawing on the work of John Bowlby and Dr. Dan Brown, the conversation travels from developmental psychology to contemplative practice — from the map to the terrain.

You’ll hear how attachment styles form (secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized), what they feel like in everyday life, and how they can transform through safe relationships, mindfulness, and the rediscovery of something larger holding us all.

Ryan leads a grounding meditation that reawakens the felt sense of safety and belonging in the body. Together, we explore what it means to experience external safety with others, internal safety within ourselves, and transpersonal safety with life itself.

Blending neuroscience, spirituality, and lived experience, this conversation is a gentle reminder: safety isn’t something we earn — it’s something we remember.

00:00 – Welcome to Remembering You

00:58 – Ryan’s “bunker mode” — from strength to shutdown

03:45 – When triggers flip the nervous system

05:55 – “Make me better” — why fixing doesn’t work

07:12 – The map vs. the terrain of healing

10:00 – The roots of attachment and the need for safety

11:08 – What is the attachment system?

12:00 – Why belonging is as vital as breathing

13:07 – The three questions we’re always asking: Am I lovable? Are others reliable? Is the world safe?

21:10 – John Bowlby and the birth of attachment theory

24:00 – The internal working model — our human operating code

25:05 – Grounding practice: finding safety in the body

30:00 – Feeling held by the ground — safety that precedes us

33:00 – Remembering, not learning

35:07 – How attachment styles form

36:37 – Secure attachment — the base for connection and autonomy

46:00 – When leaders model secure attachment

47:00 – Insecure attachment: anxious, avoidant, and disorganized

52:00 – The anxious attachment strategy

53:10 – The avoidant attachment strategy (“bunker mode”)

56:00 – How stress makes us shift between styles

57:00 – Disorganized attachment and the fear–love paradox

59:50 – Healing patterns — building new neural roads

1:00:25 – Enter Dr. Dan Brown — repairing attachment in adulthood

1:02:20 – The three layers of safety: external, internal, transpersonal

1:05:55 – Ryan’s story of men’s council and belonging

1:07:04 – Attunement and being truly seen

1:08:15 – Reparenting and internal caregiving

1:10:11 – Metacognition — being the witness, not the storm

1:17:00 – Fear and the steady presence that holds it

1:19:00 – Transpersonal safety and trust in life itself

1:21:50 – Remembering you are held by something larger

1:23:01 – Reflection: who helps you feel safe and loved?

1:25:32 – Attachment in leadership, culture, and creativity

1:27:31 – The Psalms and ancient echoes of secure attachment

1:31:03 – The Buddhist refuge and co-regulation in community

1:33:09 – Attachment at the end of life

1:35:00 – Closing reflections and Rumi’s “The Guest House”

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