December 18, 2025 • 32 mins
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to need coping skills. 🎁
In this Shrinks & Giggles episode, we’re tackling holiday stress, family drama, and the emotional gymnastics required to make it through December.
We’re not telling you to “just be grateful.”
We are giving you tools to set boundaries, manage expectations, and laugh your way through the chaos.
Consider this your mental health survival kit—holiday edition.
And if you really want to have a holly jolly mental space, book an appointment with an Aspire Therapy Center therapist that is right for you. We see your holiday stress and are here to help. Call or click today!
www.aspiretherapycenter.com
(323)345-1402
#MentalHealthTips
#StressManagement
#Boundaries
#SelfCareDuringHolidays
#EmotionalWellbeing
#aspiretherapycenter
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Melissa (00:00):
Okay. Here are all the bad things that are gonna
(00:02):
happen. And you don'tnecessarily need to create a
story of how they're gonnahappen or when they're gonna
happen. But just like, here areall the things that I expect to
suck about this holiday season.Yeah.
Michela (00:13):
You're making a list, and you're checking it twice.
There you
Melissa (00:16):
go. And you're confirming who is naughty and
nice.
Michela (00:26):
This is
Melissa (00:27):
Shrinks and Giggles, your no BS guide to navigating
the pitfalls of modern mentalhealth.
Michela (00:33):
From AI therapy to self diagnosis spirals, we're here to
cut through the pop psych noisefrom your feed. I'm Melissa. And
I'm Michella, your psychologistBFFs.
Melissa (00:44):
Let's dive in.
Michela (00:47):
Welcome back to Shrinks and Giggles. Today we're gonna
talk about surviving theholidays in our holiday survival
guide. Yes. Yeah.
Melissa (00:59):
We all go through a lot during the holidays. I certainly
do. So, yeah, it's, it'severything. So I think we were
going to start off talking aboutall the things that make the
holidays so challenging.
Michela (01:15):
Yeah. Yeah. The, the many list, the long list of
grievances.
Melissa (01:20):
Whether it's Christmas or Hanukkah, or just the fact
that there's winter break for alot of people in some capacity,
it brings on a whole new levelof challenges. Yeah. So many
people are like, Oh, you're apsychologist. You guys must work
so much during the holidays. Theanswer is no,
Michela (01:40):
we do not. Slows
Melissa (01:42):
You down do not work sick and so hard during the
holidays, at least not with ourclients, because our clients are
doing the same thing that we'redoing. They're hunkering down
and trying to survive. Yeah,routine goes out the window. You
think you know what you're doingwith your time. You've gotten
into your maybe fall groove.
You're like, this is what lifelooks like. And then suddenly
(02:05):
you realize that you have toshop for people you never think
about. Obviously, you probablyshop for some people you do
think about too.
Michela (02:15):
What is that cool thing from Grinch where he's like a
funkle for your uncle and a afant for your aunt? It's like
the whole list of all the thingsyou have to buy for
Melissa (02:28):
people. Right.
Michela (02:30):
Munkle for your uncle, a famp for your aunt, and a
fanpa for your cousin Leon.
Melissa (02:36):
The lists are crazy. Yes. Mhmm. The number of people
that you're trying to make surethat you're being giving to and
planning to interact with insome capacity, the mandatory
gift giving. I mean, so you'realready there.
And then you've got all of theseactivities that start getting
(02:56):
scheduled, whether it'sChristmas cookie swaps. I don't
know if they still do those, butI feel like that used to be a
thing.
Michela (03:03):
I tried to do that with some people I know and no one
jumped on board. Really? Yeah.Thought it meant
Melissa (03:09):
to. Cookies. Right. Yeah. Right.
Michela (03:14):
Yeah. Or the secret Santa or the ugly Christmas Ugly
sweater.
Melissa (03:19):
Yes. Yeah.
Michela (03:21):
Or the white elephant. We play a pretty large white
elephant.
Melissa (03:25):
Oh, yeah. Yeah. You've got that. Yeah. And then these
things start getting competitivetoo.
Like if you know that you're apart of right. Yeah. And you're
spending all the energy to tryto one up the other people and
yeah.
Michela (03:39):
Or for secret Santa, you get paired with someone that
you don't really, you know,know.
Melissa (03:44):
Right. Right. Or you end up shopping for things that
you're like, I genuinely don'tknow what this is. The other day
I had to Google for one of mychildren. Their secret Santa
wanted, White Rabbit candy.
I was entirely curious. The
Clip (04:02):
story of White Rabbit dates back to 1943. A private
company in Shanghai launched ABCMickey Mouse sweets. At that
time, Mickey Mouse was seen as asymbol of the West. After the
company was nationalized, thecandies rappers featured a more
Chinese style character, whiterabbit.
Michela (04:23):
I have never heard of that.
Melissa (04:25):
Yeah. So Not only are
Michela (04:28):
you out of your routine, but you're also
overstimulated by all thedifferent things like the
crowds. Has anyone been to amall recently and had to deal
with navigating shopping at amall? Oh, man. Are all the
Christmas lights. I get a lot ofon my feed to go to like all
(04:49):
these different Christmas lightevents and- Yes.
Tree lightings and-
Melissa (04:55):
Right. Or like cute little, like outdoor villages
that pop where you buy artisangoods, which is super sweet. But
you also, encounter newstressors. Spend more money.
Spend more money.
You know, dollars 8 on a hotchocolate you didn't eat. Yeah.
(05:16):
But you're there and you'repossibly cold. I don't know.
Possibly cold.
Michela (05:20):
Yeah. Depending on where you're located. Right.
Yeah. Or
Melissa (05:25):
you're buying the iced hot chocolate, which I don't
understand. That's a wholething. That point isn't it just
a milkshake really?
Michela (05:33):
It's not what we're up against, but
Melissa (05:35):
and yeah, so you're doing more stores are open later
because you're doing all ofthese things and you're not
sleeping as much. And theneverybody's getting sick because
everybody just traveled forThanksgiving, maybe. You had
Michela (05:48):
more things outside or indoors with a lot of people.
With more people. Right.
Melissa (05:53):
Yeah. You go to, you know, a sing along event of some
kind and realize
Michela (05:59):
that The six people are person's smiling like, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells. You'relike, awesome. Awesome. Mhmm.
The sneezing.
Yeah. Apparently, a sneezetravels a 100 miles per hour.
(06:20):
You're out of luck if you areSOL, if you are at an indoor
singing event and someonesneezes and is sick.
Melissa (06:29):
Like Yeah. Okay. Note to self, only go out for sing
alongs. Indoor sing alongs to beavoided. Although, you know, if
you have children, you reallycan't control most of this.
No. Because then suddenly theyhave events that they have to go
to and they're singing along or,you know, yeah, the like end of
(06:51):
school party that you may or maynot have to orchestrate. You may
or may not have to bake cookiesfor.
Michela (06:59):
Right. All the cooking, all the baking for Christmas and
the holidays and.
Melissa (07:07):
Yeah, the planning for the meal. And if you have
multiple people making sure youhave something available for
everyone to eat so they don't
Michela (07:14):
starve. Right. Yes. Not
Melissa (07:17):
really knowing what anyone actually wants. And then
everybody pretending that yourfood is amazing, even though you
know that they can't allpossibly think that.
Michela (07:25):
Yeah. Someone doesn't like it. Yeah. For sure.
Melissa (07:29):
For sure. Someone is hitting up Del Taco on the way
home.
Michela (07:33):
Right. Right. Right. I Family members of mine have come
to like gatherings and have likeeaten on the way. I'm like,
That's, you know, you can'tplease, you can't please
everyone.
I mean, come on.
Melissa (07:51):
No.
Michela (07:53):
Esalena. No. To have these parties or to host, you
feel like this need to likedecorate the whole house.
Everybody come out quick for thedelight.
Melissa (08:10):
Growing up, my household was invaded by
Annalise and Nutcrackers. Both.
Michela (08:20):
Yeah. What are Annalise?
Melissa (08:21):
Have no idea what an Annalise is. You're like, what
is this thing? Now tell useducate. Really ugly, like hand
painted doll. I'm sorry forwhoever makes the Annelies.
Michela (08:33):
They're disgustingly ugly.
Melissa (08:38):
But you had to make sure you had like 50 of them or
something like that. I swear.Why? So you could stick them all
over your house in the bathroom,you know, so that there was one
like near the sink, but notclose enough to, you know, dive
in. But yeah.
And they were like, I don'tknow, grown up dolls. I mean,
(08:58):
anyway, yeah. You could get onesthat were like, different
characters, gingerbread men,mice, but
Michela (09:07):
they
Melissa (09:07):
all had the same facial expression, which was something
sort of like this. But smiling,I
Michela (09:12):
I can't do don't know. Anyway. They're like cheeks.
Melissa (09:17):
Something. Have no idea what I'm talking about. No.
Nope. Yeah.
Or carolers. My mother was amajor collector. So we also had
carolers. Their facialexpression was more
straightforward
Michela (09:30):
at least.
Melissa (09:30):
Right. Exactly.
Michela (09:36):
I do think it's yeah, the who gives a fuck about
Christmas stuff? Yes.
Melissa (09:43):
Yes. There is a lovely apparently clip out there. I
have not seen, but wasreferenced where she does say,
yes, who gives a fuck aboutChristmas stuff? So yeah. Or
something
Michela (09:53):
like that.
Clip (09:54):
You know, who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff?
Michela (09:57):
So she's feeling the spirit. Right.
Melissa (10:00):
Yeah. Which, know, yeah, it is kind of an
interesting theme. I think thefrustration starts to really
kick in for a lot of us, right?Yeah. Yeah.
Michela (10:09):
Does anyone feel like it gets shoved down your throat
pretty early? Think it was likeNovember 1, was in Target and
the Christmas music was playing.Before that. Woah. Yeah, it was
before that.
Well, you noticed it?
Melissa (10:21):
Yeah, mean, in some of the stores, I feel like they
literally were like pushingaside the Halloween stuff before
Halloween happened and bringingin the Christmas stuff. And I'm
like,
Michela (10:32):
okay,
Melissa (10:33):
now, you know, this isn't a holiday, all holiday
store. So what's happening here?So yes, it's interesting. You
know, more power to the peoplewho are traveling, honestly,
because I feel like you maybehave the best situation once you
survive the travel. Because onceyou get where you're going, you
can naturally hopefully createsome boundaries, assuming that
(10:55):
you haven't agreed to stay withrelatives captive in their home.
In which case, I'm sorry,because that just brings up all
of the regressive energy. And Ithink that's why people think
that the holidays are so hardfor people.
Michela (11:09):
Yeah, the navigating family dynamics that you do not
deal with on a regular basis.Which, yeah, we always find an
interesting phenomenon becauseyou're going and you're spending
all this time with people whoyou don't spend time with that
may bring up anxieties and, youknow, emotions in general. And
(11:34):
yeah, people do tend to not goto therapy during the winter
break.
Melissa (11:41):
Yeah, no, for sure. They'll be like, oh, I'm away.
And that can interfere. Or yeah,it can feel really vulnerable,
perhaps to try to do therapy ata time when you know you're
going to be existing within ayounger version of yourself,
essentially.
Michela (11:58):
Yeah. Right back to
Melissa (12:02):
right back to childhood. The teenager. Yeah.
Right. Like even if you'rehosting, you're like suddenly
like, how is it that?
Yeah. Everything that you grewup with, you're suddenly doing
when you don't on a regularbasis. Yeah. It's hard.
(12:22):
Definitely.
Yeah. Lots of triggeringconversations, lots of bringing
you back to focusing on aspectsof yourself that you may not
value, that don't provide youmeaning, that your family is
fixated on.
Michela (12:37):
Yeah. Yeah. Some reliving of trauma.
Melissa (12:42):
Yeah. Yeah. And we all have someone in our family, if
not multiple someone's who, youknow, will trigger things for us
in whatever way. And I don'tmean that as a trauma thing.
Mean that they will trigger, youknow, old feelings, old
thoughts, older sense.
Michela (13:01):
Yeah. And the opposite of that is, you know, during the
holidays, everyone thinks about,you know, their loved ones too.
And there's loved ones that aregone. And that brings up a lot
of like grief and loss and yeah,you know, dealing with those
emotions and things like that.So therapy, you know, during
this time is helpful.
(13:24):
You know, even if it's busy oryou're doing things or you're
traveling, you know, making surethat you take some time for
yourself. But
Melissa (13:32):
yeah, I think more pronounced overarching theme.
And there's a fair amount onsocial media about this already
is the pressure on moms ingeneral. So you don't have kids,
seems like it's a little biteasier to get away with less
stress. I'm not saying thereisn't stress in its own right
(13:54):
and that people aren't maybegoing through other things where
they're struggling withconnecting with others. They may
feel more isolated and alonebecause there are a lot of
people who are on the other sideof things who are very busy, who
are connecting with a lot ofpeople.
Sometimes that is thedifferential between having kids
and not. But yeah, for the momsout there, I see you. I know
(14:15):
what you're going through. Elfon a shelf is not allowed in my
home, which I understand thereare many who have fun with that.
I do not have the endurance todo that for an entire season.
I just cannot.
Michela (14:29):
It is committed. And there's a lot of social media
influence. I see a lot of thembecause we were chatting about
how I don't have kids and we Istill see the elf on the shelf
all over my, you know, feed.Right. I see some some minch on
a bench too, but it's mainly theelf on a shelf.
(14:50):
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know thelore. I don't know the elf on
the shelf lore. Know what you'resupposed to do.
Melissa (14:56):
I don't know. It became commercialized right around the
time I had our first and I just,yeah, I remember my eldest being
like, mom, can we get an elf?And I was like, absolutely not.
No. I'm sure there are somepeople who can have a lot of fun
with an elf on a shelf And morepower to you.
(15:18):
But yes, there's a lot to do atthe holiday season, and I have
no interest. So in our house, wedo advent calendars. That's what
I can tolerate. Yeah. Moreexpense for sure, which is
another thing we kind of jumpedover.
But yeah, Christmas is reallyfreaking expensive. Yeah. All
the little things start to addup so quickly.
Michela (15:40):
Yeah. Yeah. We were trying like it was like another
$200 just to do like adventcalendars or something.
Melissa (15:46):
I mean, for sure, a good advent calendar is probably
gonna cost you 40 to $50. Andthen yeah, if you have to get
multiple kids advent calendars,then you're looking at that. Or
pet ones. Oh my gosh. Yes.
Pet advent calendars. There'sthose as well. A treat for, you
(16:07):
know, every day. Yeah. Sinceyou're supposed to, you know,
give your pet the sameexperience as your children.
Michela (16:14):
Yes. Yeah. Especially those pet parents. Yeah, we see
you. So now that we've gonethrough the grievances and
chatted about all the thingsthat, you know, can and do and
will go wrong or annoy us.
How do we cope? How do wesurvive this holiday season and
(16:37):
really get like the most out ofthe quality time with family and
friends.
Melissa (16:41):
I'm thinking December 1, you get in your car and you
drive.
Michela (16:46):
Just get the heck out of here.
Melissa (16:51):
You go find a campsite
Michela (16:55):
And you hunker down.
Melissa (16:57):
You plan on camping for a month. Solid.
Michela (17:01):
Yeah. Maybe a little Scrooge. Channel your inner
Scrooge. Okay. You and I can goto a spa.
Melissa (17:09):
Right. Yeah. That sounds amazing. I mean, things
are slow anyway. The clients arelike, we don't want to deal with
our stuff.
So, you know, know that you're,yeah, maybe not going to benefit
from not dealing with yourstuff, but still, okay. Fine. So
yeah, we can just, you know,call it a day.
Michela (17:25):
And,
Melissa (17:25):
yeah, we'll go to a spa for the month. Sounds practical.
Michela (17:28):
Yeah, no, that's totally doable.
Melissa (17:31):
Yes, real ways to cope. Yeah.
Michela (17:34):
All
Melissa (17:34):
right. So slow way the heck down. This is a biggie.
When I mentioned those triggers.It's, I mean, this is easier
said than done, but it's a nicething to try and practice when
you can.
If you are overwhelmed, stop.Not- don't stop being
overwhelmed, just literally stopyourself.
Michela (17:55):
Stop. Not the Bob Newhart. Stop it.
Melissa (17:58):
Right, right. Don't stop it. But
Michela (18:01):
stop doing
Melissa (18:02):
anything.
Michela (18:05):
Stop moving. Stop thinking.
Melissa (18:06):
Right. Ride that wave like you are a, you know,
championship surfer. Surfer.
Michela (18:14):
Yeah. Totally. Don't do anything. Don't try to surf.
Don't do it.
The less you do, the more youdo.
Melissa (18:23):
Be in the water with that emotion and let it let it
overwhelm you and breathe. Yeah.Because if you respond in the
moment, if you do the knee jerk,then, you know, you're jumping
back into old habits. You'rejumping back into old patterns.
You're gonna feel bad aboutyourself.
You're gonna have challengingsituations with family members
(18:46):
or friends or whoever you'reinteracting with. So slow it
down. And, you know, if thatmeans you miss a few things, if
you miss an ugly sweater event,if you don't bake cookies for
something, you know, if youdon't buy the perfect something
for someone, so be it.
Michela (19:06):
Yeah. It's okay. It's okay. Disconnect from the
internet and, you know, connectwith people. You can go to a
rage room if
Melissa (19:17):
you wanna spend Holiday rage room.
Michela (19:19):
Yeah. Go to a holiday rage room.
Melissa (19:21):
I wanna see that actually. Oh my gosh. I was into
the rage room idea, but man, ifit's holiday themed where you
get to, you could smash an elfon a shelf. I'm sure
Michela (19:31):
that's probably that's specifically to you, but there's
probably some other people.You're like, Melissa, I don't
know what your problem is withthe elf on the shelf. You can
get like the elf on the shelf,the Amelie's dolls.
Melissa (19:46):
Oh, Amelie's Yeah.
Michela (19:48):
The nutcrackers, whatever.
Melissa (19:51):
No, no, I'm not gonna break a nutcracker.
Michela (19:52):
Oh, you love the nutcracker. Okay. Okay. Yes. He
is very,
Melissa (19:56):
I mean, great. He's, he's the one hollerable
Michela (20:01):
He's holiday figure for the one.
Melissa (20:06):
I mean, I'm more partial to like a mouse queen or
something like that. But youknow, whatevs. I mean, it's
fine.
Michela (20:13):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're close girls. Yeah.
Now
Melissa (20:17):
I'm feeling guilty about this concept. But Okay.
Yeah. I mean, you can do morepro social things too. Like go
ice skating or just go get somecoffee and don't think about
holidays at all.
(20:38):
Go for a walk. Go to a yogaclass. Do a spin class where
they have the music turned up soloud. You can't hear your
thoughts. I mean, pick your pickyour thing here.
You know, lots of options. Iadmit that if you're going to,
you know, a club like spinclass, you're probably not
connecting with your friend inthe spin class, but you can talk
(21:00):
afterwards.
Michela (21:00):
Yeah. Or maybe you're connecting with yourself. You're
getting to your inner.
Melissa (21:03):
Right.
Michela (21:04):
Yeah. And really, yeah, I do think that spin classes are
dying.
Melissa (21:11):
I know they're not in vogue anymore. I get that. I
haven't been to a Legris class.I have a four year old.
Michela (21:19):
I love a spin class, but I don't know why they are
dying out.
Melissa (21:23):
Anyway, okay. So boundary setting. That's a
thing. And I mean, you can bepretty direct and be like, Hey,
we're going to come to yourplace. We'll be there from X
time to Y.
You know, this way they knowthey can sit with, you know,
whatever their feelings arearound it, whether it's that
they're overwhelmed, they'regoing to be there too long,
(21:43):
whether they're disappointedbecause they feel like you don't
care about them, whatever it is.
Clip (21:48):
Everyone in this family hates me. Then maybe you should
ask Santa for a new family.
Michela (21:53):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good reminder. You can't
control what other people aregoing to think or how they are
going to take your actions. And,you know, if it's coming from a
place of keeping your mentalhealth stable, and, you know,
protecting yourself from thingsthat trigger you or upset you or
overwhelm you, you know, it'sokay to engage in that, you
(22:16):
know, step into a quiet roomevery twenty to thirty minutes
to just decompress, do some deepbreathing, just sit quietly for
a second and then go back out.
Melissa (22:28):
And if you can't find a space to go be by yourself, go
for that walk or that run, youknow, or find the random errand
no one wants to run, or reallyneeds to run.
Michela (22:40):
I'll go get some ice. I'll go out and get ice. Does
anyone need ice? Do we haveenough ice here?
Melissa (22:49):
Well, do know about your love affair with ice.
Michela (22:51):
That could
Melissa (22:52):
be a legit problem at a gathering with you.
Michela (22:54):
I know. I know.
Melissa (22:56):
Like we ran through all the ice. I'll go get more.
Michela (22:58):
I'm like, where is the ice? Could have conversations
before going to certain eventsor certain gatherings where like
you all agree that like, you'renot gonna do gifts or you're
gonna do a low budget exchange.Again, I bring it back to the
white elephant. The whiteelephant is very fun, right?
There's a cap, you know, for themost part.
(23:22):
It's fun. You don't have to playwith 50 people. Like me. But
yeah, I did see my cousins theother day and we were talking
about the white elephantexchange and she was like, I,
it's gonna take so long with 50people. And I'm like, that is
true.
So yeah, so there's like 10people that would be probably
(23:44):
better.
Melissa (23:45):
Yeah. No, Yeah. The other thing with the boundary
setting is partially that youset yourself up for some
success. So you say to yourself,okay, I want to be comfortable.
I want to maybe bring a food ifyou're, you know, not in your
immediate environment that Iknow I'm going enjoy eating.
(24:07):
I want to make an outline of thepeople that I want to talk to
and, you know, or the thingsthat I'm willing to discuss.
Michela (24:16):
Yeah, you can have a safe list of what topics that
are comfortable you'recomfortable with, you know?
Melissa (24:22):
Yeah, absolutely. And you can also then yeah, just
kind of have a routine foryourself where if something
comes up that you'reuncomfortable with, you, you
know, have an excuse. Oh gee, Ihave to go get ice.
Michela (24:36):
Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. Guarantee there's probably some
other people who feel similarly.
So if there's someone that youtrust, you can just be like,
hey, if I need a break, can westep outside together or
something? You know, you cancommunicate with, you know, your
friends or the people you'reclosest to. Yeah, go for a
little walk, do a cousin walk.
Melissa (24:58):
Yeah. Or go hide in the kitchen. If you're hosting and
pretend that you have to chopsome vegetables. I
Michela (25:11):
put all those rolls in the oven because Jerry's here. I
don't know. I don't have aJerry. I don't know who Jerry
is.
Melissa (25:22):
That's totally fair.
Michela (25:26):
Bad Jerry. Oh, yeah.
Melissa (25:30):
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe the reason that Home Alone
is as popular as it is, is thatit's talking about boundaries in
a sense. Right? Yeah.
It's all about everyone'sfeeling really overwhelmed and
they're scapegoating it on theone family member and he's done.
Michela (25:48):
He doesn't eat
Clip (25:49):
sausage and olives
Michela (25:50):
and Look what you did, you little jerk.
Melissa (25:53):
But, you know, yeah, there's a scapegoat in all
households. And you know, maybehonestly, you know, yeah, the
mom feels scapegoated. Lots ofdifferent people, you know?
Michela (26:04):
Yeah. It might rotate too. Depends on what's
happening.
Melissa (26:08):
Absolutely. Yeah.
Michela (26:11):
So if you're feeling scapegoated, just take a
breather and step away and belike, I'm gonna take a mom for
myself.
Melissa (26:21):
Yeah. And yeah. Then on the self care stuff, again, come
up with some things you enjoydoing, you can, you know, bring
a book, you can bring anactivity to do, you can ask
people ahead of time if theywant to play particular game
that you like to play thosekinds of things so that you have
some plans. And then anotherthing that I saw that I thought
(26:44):
was really cute online, is, youknow, on the anticipating the
worst, which I'm a fan of, we doin my household, we'll be like,
let's play worst case scenario.Because you know, then you get
to the deep, dark, scary stuff.
And once you talk about thedeep, dark, scary stuff, it's
not as deep, dark and scaryanymore. So with this idea in
(27:06):
mind, make yourself a bingocard. I thought this one was
really cute. And come up with,you know, all the different
things that you think are likelyto happen during this particular
holiday event. And then you can,you know, check them off when
they happen.
And then when you get bingo, youknow, you can give yourself some
kind of reward. Yeah. It's a funcognitive exercise. It is a fun.
Michela (27:30):
Yeah. It's like an example of journaling, but it's
in a fun bingo form.
Melissa (27:37):
Yeah. I mean, I think the journaling would be a little
bit more narrative, whereas thisis, you know, yeah, it's a bit
of a cognitive exercise to playto be like, okay, here are all
the bad things that are gonnahappen. And you don't
necessarily need to create astory of how they're gonna
happen or when they're gonnahappen. But just like, here are
all the things that I expect tosuck about this holiday season.
Michela (27:58):
Yeah, you're making a list and you're checking it
twice. There you go.
Melissa (28:05):
And you're confirming who is naughty and nice. Oh,
well, so this was another funcognitive exercise. So I saw on
socials, number of people were,you know, recognizing the toll
the holiday was taking on them.And so at least I think this was
(28:28):
last holiday season, but lastholiday season, Snoop Dogg was
making the rounds with hisspeech about, I wanna thank me.
Michela (28:36):
Last but not least, I wanna thank me. And,
Melissa (28:43):
you know, I think you can use this as a cognitive
exercise. You can say, I want tothank myself. I want to thank
myself for being a family memberwho is actively participating in
a holiday gathering. I want tothank myself for thinking about
my sister, my, you know, in law,my, you know, fill in and the
(29:05):
blank what they, you know,wanted, needed from me this
holiday season. And, you know,thank yourself for, you know,
all of the effort that you'reputting in, in whatever way that
you're putting it in.
No, I think it's it's a nicething to do to acknowledge for
yourself what, you know, whattoll this is taking, but also
(29:29):
really what you're bringing tothe table, how strong you are,
how awesome you are to celebrateyourself a bit. When all else
fails, we're talking around it.It's okay to get angry.
Michela (29:44):
Yeah. Yeah. You can go, go ahead and say, I don't give a
fuck.
Melissa (29:50):
Absolutely. Yeah. There's a good number. I mean,
I'm, you know, sure acrosssocial media, there's a solid
homage to fuck. But there is asolid amount of homage to fuck
within the holiday social mediacoverage.
So, you know, let it go. Yeah.
Michela (30:10):
Let it go. Let it go.
Melissa (30:13):
Be as profane as you want. Right. Do it. It's fine.
Yeah.
Michela (30:20):
Fuck you. Fuck you very, very much.
Melissa (30:25):
I mean, you know, ideally, you're not doing that
necessarily always with familymembers. But you know, in the
sense that you're not picking afight and being profane in that
regard. But you know, if you
Michela (30:37):
have to
Melissa (30:37):
sure defend yourself, you know, but yeah, I mean, also
just go yell to yourself.
Michela (30:48):
Call a friend
Melissa (30:49):
and just cathart
Michela (30:51):
the Yeah, heck out of complain and
Melissa (30:53):
send a message to your therapist and be like, actually,
I shouldn't have canceled allthose sessions. And here's why.
And you can just write out allthe profanity.
Michela (31:02):
That's fine.
Melissa (31:03):
Yeah, we can hold that energy for you.
Michela (31:05):
We can. I love a good email. Yeah. Send it.
Melissa (31:11):
Definitely.
Michela (31:14):
Write out your thoughts to someone who cares. Yeah. But
yeah, yeah. Let the fucks fly,you know?
Melissa (31:24):
Absolutely. And then when you've exercised all your
demons, you know, you come backand hopefully you have something
about this time that you aredoing for yourself and for those
around you. And you can reflecton the value and meaning of it
for you. And if there's none,then
Michela (31:46):
let it go. Let it go. It's not serving you. No. Yeah,
it's a good time to reflect on,yeah, what matters to you.
Absolutely.
Melissa (32:01):
Because, yeah, there's so much that's superimposed on
us with expectation. Yeah.
Michela (32:05):
And you can say yes to only the things that you want to
say yes to. So, you know, if youneed that reminder, I'm telling
you it's true. Thanks forlistening. This has been shrinks
and giggles. Share your holidaygrievances and or stressors with
us, and we'll all survive theholiday season together.
(32:27):
Subscribe and follow us whereveryou get your podcasts. Like,
share with your friends. We lovemaking these episodes for you
guys. So if you enjoy them, letus know. See you next time.
Woo. Happy holidays.
Okay. Here are all the bad things that are gonna
(00:02):
happen. And you don'tnecessarily need to create a
story of how they're gonnahappen or when they're gonna
happen. But just like, here areall the things that I expect to
suck about this holiday season.Yeah.
Michela (00:13):
You're making a list, and you're checking it twice.
There you
Melissa (00:16):
go. And you're confirming who is naughty and
nice.
Michela (00:26):
This is
Melissa (00:27):
Shrinks and Giggles, your no BS guide to navigating
the pitfalls of modern mentalhealth.
Michela (00:33):
From AI therapy to self diagnosis spirals, we're here to
cut through the pop psych noisefrom your feed. I'm Melissa. And
I'm Michella, your psychologistBFFs.
Melissa (00:44):
Let's dive in.
Michela (00:47):
Welcome back to Shrinks and Giggles. Today we're gonna
talk about surviving theholidays in our holiday survival
guide. Yes. Yeah.
Melissa (00:59):
We all go through a lot during the holidays. I certainly
do. So, yeah, it's, it'severything. So I think we were
going to start off talking aboutall the things that make the
holidays so challenging.
Michela (01:15):
Yeah. Yeah. The, the many list, the long list of
grievances.
Melissa (01:20):
Whether it's Christmas or Hanukkah, or just the fact
that there's winter break for alot of people in some capacity,
it brings on a whole new levelof challenges. Yeah. So many
people are like, Oh, you're apsychologist. You guys must work
so much during the holidays. Theanswer is no,
Michela (01:40):
we do not. Slows
Melissa (01:42):
You down do not work sick and so hard during the
holidays, at least not with ourclients, because our clients are
doing the same thing that we'redoing. They're hunkering down
and trying to survive. Yeah,routine goes out the window. You
think you know what you're doingwith your time. You've gotten
into your maybe fall groove.
You're like, this is what lifelooks like. And then suddenly
(02:05):
you realize that you have toshop for people you never think
about. Obviously, you probablyshop for some people you do
think about too.
Michela (02:15):
What is that cool thing from Grinch where he's like a
funkle for your uncle and a afant for your aunt? It's like
the whole list of all the thingsyou have to buy for
Melissa (02:28):
people. Right.
Michela (02:30):
Munkle for your uncle, a famp for your aunt, and a
fanpa for your cousin Leon.
Melissa (02:36):
The lists are crazy. Yes. Mhmm. The number of people
that you're trying to make surethat you're being giving to and
planning to interact with insome capacity, the mandatory
gift giving. I mean, so you'realready there.
And then you've got all of theseactivities that start getting
(02:56):
scheduled, whether it'sChristmas cookie swaps. I don't
know if they still do those, butI feel like that used to be a
thing.
Michela (03:03):
I tried to do that with some people I know and no one
jumped on board. Really? Yeah.Thought it meant
Melissa (03:09):
to. Cookies. Right. Yeah. Right.
Michela (03:14):
Yeah. Or the secret Santa or the ugly Christmas Ugly
sweater.
Melissa (03:19):
Yes. Yeah.
Michela (03:21):
Or the white elephant. We play a pretty large white
elephant.
Melissa (03:25):
Oh, yeah. Yeah. You've got that. Yeah. And then these
things start getting competitivetoo.
Like if you know that you're apart of right. Yeah. And you're
spending all the energy to tryto one up the other people and
yeah.
Michela (03:39):
Or for secret Santa, you get paired with someone that
you don't really, you know,know.
Melissa (03:44):
Right. Right. Or you end up shopping for things that
you're like, I genuinely don'tknow what this is. The other day
I had to Google for one of mychildren. Their secret Santa
wanted, White Rabbit candy.
I was entirely curious. The
Clip (04:02):
story of White Rabbit dates back to 1943. A private
company in Shanghai launched ABCMickey Mouse sweets. At that
time, Mickey Mouse was seen as asymbol of the West. After the
company was nationalized, thecandies rappers featured a more
Chinese style character, whiterabbit.
Michela (04:23):
I have never heard of that.
Melissa (04:25):
Yeah. So Not only are
Michela (04:28):
you out of your routine, but you're also
overstimulated by all thedifferent things like the
crowds. Has anyone been to amall recently and had to deal
with navigating shopping at amall? Oh, man. Are all the
Christmas lights. I get a lot ofon my feed to go to like all
(04:49):
these different Christmas lightevents and- Yes.
Tree lightings and-
Melissa (04:55):
Right. Or like cute little, like outdoor villages
that pop where you buy artisangoods, which is super sweet. But
you also, encounter newstressors. Spend more money.
Spend more money.
You know, dollars 8 on a hotchocolate you didn't eat. Yeah.
(05:16):
But you're there and you'repossibly cold. I don't know.
Possibly cold.
Michela (05:20):
Yeah. Depending on where you're located. Right.
Yeah. Or
Melissa (05:25):
you're buying the iced hot chocolate, which I don't
understand. That's a wholething. That point isn't it just
a milkshake really?
Michela (05:33):
It's not what we're up against, but
Melissa (05:35):
and yeah, so you're doing more stores are open later
because you're doing all ofthese things and you're not
sleeping as much. And theneverybody's getting sick because
everybody just traveled forThanksgiving, maybe. You had
Michela (05:48):
more things outside or indoors with a lot of people.
With more people. Right.
Melissa (05:53):
Yeah. You go to, you know, a sing along event of some
kind and realize
Michela (05:59):
that The six people are person's smiling like, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells. You'relike, awesome. Awesome. Mhmm.
The sneezing.
Yeah. Apparently, a sneezetravels a 100 miles per hour.
(06:20):
You're out of luck if you areSOL, if you are at an indoor
singing event and someonesneezes and is sick.
Melissa (06:29):
Like Yeah. Okay. Note to self, only go out for sing
alongs. Indoor sing alongs to beavoided. Although, you know, if
you have children, you reallycan't control most of this.
No. Because then suddenly theyhave events that they have to go
to and they're singing along or,you know, yeah, the like end of
(06:51):
school party that you may or maynot have to orchestrate. You may
or may not have to bake cookiesfor.
Michela (06:59):
Right. All the cooking, all the baking for Christmas and
the holidays and.
Melissa (07:07):
Yeah, the planning for the meal. And if you have
multiple people making sure youhave something available for
everyone to eat so they don't
Michela (07:14):
starve. Right. Yes. Not
Melissa (07:17):
really knowing what anyone actually wants. And then
everybody pretending that yourfood is amazing, even though you
know that they can't allpossibly think that.
Michela (07:25):
Yeah. Someone doesn't like it. Yeah. For sure.
Melissa (07:29):
For sure. Someone is hitting up Del Taco on the way
home.
Michela (07:33):
Right. Right. Right. I Family members of mine have come
to like gatherings and have likeeaten on the way. I'm like,
That's, you know, you can'tplease, you can't please
everyone.
I mean, come on.
Melissa (07:51):
No.
Michela (07:53):
Esalena. No. To have these parties or to host, you
feel like this need to likedecorate the whole house.
Everybody come out quick for thedelight.
Melissa (08:10):
Growing up, my household was invaded by
Annalise and Nutcrackers. Both.
Michela (08:20):
Yeah. What are Annalise?
Melissa (08:21):
Have no idea what an Annalise is. You're like, what
is this thing? Now tell useducate. Really ugly, like hand
painted doll. I'm sorry forwhoever makes the Annelies.
Michela (08:33):
They're disgustingly ugly.
Melissa (08:38):
But you had to make sure you had like 50 of them or
something like that. I swear.Why? So you could stick them all
over your house in the bathroom,you know, so that there was one
like near the sink, but notclose enough to, you know, dive
in. But yeah.
And they were like, I don'tknow, grown up dolls. I mean,
(08:58):
anyway, yeah. You could get onesthat were like, different
characters, gingerbread men,mice, but
Michela (09:07):
they
Melissa (09:07):
all had the same facial expression, which was something
sort of like this. But smiling,I
Michela (09:12):
I can't do don't know. Anyway. They're like cheeks.
Melissa (09:17):
Something. Have no idea what I'm talking about. No.
Nope. Yeah.
Or carolers. My mother was amajor collector. So we also had
carolers. Their facialexpression was more
straightforward
Michela (09:30):
at least.
Melissa (09:30):
Right. Exactly.
Michela (09:36):
I do think it's yeah, the who gives a fuck about
Christmas stuff? Yes.
Melissa (09:43):
Yes. There is a lovely apparently clip out there. I
have not seen, but wasreferenced where she does say,
yes, who gives a fuck aboutChristmas stuff? So yeah. Or
something
Michela (09:53):
like that.
Clip (09:54):
You know, who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff?
Michela (09:57):
So she's feeling the spirit. Right.
Melissa (10:00):
Yeah. Which, know, yeah, it is kind of an
interesting theme. I think thefrustration starts to really
kick in for a lot of us, right?Yeah. Yeah.
Michela (10:09):
Does anyone feel like it gets shoved down your throat
pretty early? Think it was likeNovember 1, was in Target and
the Christmas music was playing.Before that. Woah. Yeah, it was
before that.
Well, you noticed it?
Melissa (10:21):
Yeah, mean, in some of the stores, I feel like they
literally were like pushingaside the Halloween stuff before
Halloween happened and bringingin the Christmas stuff. And I'm
like,
Michela (10:32):
okay,
Melissa (10:33):
now, you know, this isn't a holiday, all holiday
store. So what's happening here?So yes, it's interesting. You
know, more power to the peoplewho are traveling, honestly,
because I feel like you maybehave the best situation once you
survive the travel. Because onceyou get where you're going, you
can naturally hopefully createsome boundaries, assuming that
(10:55):
you haven't agreed to stay withrelatives captive in their home.
In which case, I'm sorry,because that just brings up all
of the regressive energy. And Ithink that's why people think
that the holidays are so hardfor people.
Michela (11:09):
Yeah, the navigating family dynamics that you do not
deal with on a regular basis.Which, yeah, we always find an
interesting phenomenon becauseyou're going and you're spending
all this time with people whoyou don't spend time with that
may bring up anxieties and, youknow, emotions in general. And
(11:34):
yeah, people do tend to not goto therapy during the winter
break.
Melissa (11:41):
Yeah, no, for sure. They'll be like, oh, I'm away.
And that can interfere. Or yeah,it can feel really vulnerable,
perhaps to try to do therapy ata time when you know you're
going to be existing within ayounger version of yourself,
essentially.
Michela (11:58):
Yeah. Right back to
Melissa (12:02):
right back to childhood. The teenager. Yeah.
Right. Like even if you'rehosting, you're like suddenly
like, how is it that?
Yeah. Everything that you grewup with, you're suddenly doing
when you don't on a regularbasis. Yeah. It's hard.
(12:22):
Definitely.
Yeah. Lots of triggeringconversations, lots of bringing
you back to focusing on aspectsof yourself that you may not
value, that don't provide youmeaning, that your family is
fixated on.
Michela (12:37):
Yeah. Yeah. Some reliving of trauma.
Melissa (12:42):
Yeah. Yeah. And we all have someone in our family, if
not multiple someone's who, youknow, will trigger things for us
in whatever way. And I don'tmean that as a trauma thing.
Mean that they will trigger, youknow, old feelings, old
thoughts, older sense.
Michela (13:01):
Yeah. And the opposite of that is, you know, during the
holidays, everyone thinks about,you know, their loved ones too.
And there's loved ones that aregone. And that brings up a lot
of like grief and loss and yeah,you know, dealing with those
emotions and things like that.So therapy, you know, during
this time is helpful.
(13:24):
You know, even if it's busy oryou're doing things or you're
traveling, you know, making surethat you take some time for
yourself. But
Melissa (13:32):
yeah, I think more pronounced overarching theme.
And there's a fair amount onsocial media about this already
is the pressure on moms ingeneral. So you don't have kids,
seems like it's a little biteasier to get away with less
stress. I'm not saying thereisn't stress in its own right
(13:54):
and that people aren't maybegoing through other things where
they're struggling withconnecting with others. They may
feel more isolated and alonebecause there are a lot of
people who are on the other sideof things who are very busy, who
are connecting with a lot ofpeople.
Sometimes that is thedifferential between having kids
and not. But yeah, for the momsout there, I see you. I know
(14:15):
what you're going through. Elfon a shelf is not allowed in my
home, which I understand thereare many who have fun with that.
I do not have the endurance todo that for an entire season.
I just cannot.
Michela (14:29):
It is committed. And there's a lot of social media
influence. I see a lot of thembecause we were chatting about
how I don't have kids and we Istill see the elf on the shelf
all over my, you know, feed.Right. I see some some minch on
a bench too, but it's mainly theelf on a shelf.
(14:50):
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know thelore. I don't know the elf on
the shelf lore. Know what you'resupposed to do.
Melissa (14:56):
I don't know. It became commercialized right around the
time I had our first and I just,yeah, I remember my eldest being
like, mom, can we get an elf?And I was like, absolutely not.
No. I'm sure there are somepeople who can have a lot of fun
with an elf on a shelf And morepower to you.
(15:18):
But yes, there's a lot to do atthe holiday season, and I have
no interest. So in our house, wedo advent calendars. That's what
I can tolerate. Yeah. Moreexpense for sure, which is
another thing we kind of jumpedover.
But yeah, Christmas is reallyfreaking expensive. Yeah. All
the little things start to addup so quickly.
Michela (15:40):
Yeah. Yeah. We were trying like it was like another
$200 just to do like adventcalendars or something.
Melissa (15:46):
I mean, for sure, a good advent calendar is probably
gonna cost you 40 to $50. Andthen yeah, if you have to get
multiple kids advent calendars,then you're looking at that. Or
pet ones. Oh my gosh. Yes.
Pet advent calendars. There'sthose as well. A treat for, you
(16:07):
know, every day. Yeah. Sinceyou're supposed to, you know,
give your pet the sameexperience as your children.
Michela (16:14):
Yes. Yeah. Especially those pet parents. Yeah, we see
you. So now that we've gonethrough the grievances and
chatted about all the thingsthat, you know, can and do and
will go wrong or annoy us.
How do we cope? How do wesurvive this holiday season and
(16:37):
really get like the most out ofthe quality time with family and
friends.
Melissa (16:41):
I'm thinking December 1, you get in your car and you
drive.
Michela (16:46):
Just get the heck out of here.
Melissa (16:51):
You go find a campsite
Michela (16:55):
And you hunker down.
Melissa (16:57):
You plan on camping for a month. Solid.
Michela (17:01):
Yeah. Maybe a little Scrooge. Channel your inner
Scrooge. Okay. You and I can goto a spa.
Melissa (17:09):
Right. Yeah. That sounds amazing. I mean, things
are slow anyway. The clients arelike, we don't want to deal with
our stuff.
So, you know, know that you're,yeah, maybe not going to benefit
from not dealing with yourstuff, but still, okay. Fine. So
yeah, we can just, you know,call it a day.
Michela (17:25):
And,
Melissa (17:25):
yeah, we'll go to a spa for the month. Sounds practical.
Michela (17:28):
Yeah, no, that's totally doable.
Melissa (17:31):
Yes, real ways to cope. Yeah.
Michela (17:34):
All
Melissa (17:34):
right. So slow way the heck down. This is a biggie.
When I mentioned those triggers.It's, I mean, this is easier
said than done, but it's a nicething to try and practice when
you can.
If you are overwhelmed, stop.Not- don't stop being
overwhelmed, just literally stopyourself.
Michela (17:55):
Stop. Not the Bob Newhart. Stop it.
Melissa (17:58):
Right, right. Don't stop it. But
Michela (18:01):
stop doing
Melissa (18:02):
anything.
Michela (18:05):
Stop moving. Stop thinking.
Melissa (18:06):
Right. Ride that wave like you are a, you know,
championship surfer. Surfer.
Michela (18:14):
Yeah. Totally. Don't do anything. Don't try to surf.
Don't do it.
The less you do, the more youdo.
Melissa (18:23):
Be in the water with that emotion and let it let it
overwhelm you and breathe. Yeah.Because if you respond in the
moment, if you do the knee jerk,then, you know, you're jumping
back into old habits. You'rejumping back into old patterns.
You're gonna feel bad aboutyourself.
You're gonna have challengingsituations with family members
(18:46):
or friends or whoever you'reinteracting with. So slow it
down. And, you know, if thatmeans you miss a few things, if
you miss an ugly sweater event,if you don't bake cookies for
something, you know, if youdon't buy the perfect something
for someone, so be it.
Michela (19:06):
Yeah. It's okay. It's okay. Disconnect from the
internet and, you know, connectwith people. You can go to a
rage room if
Melissa (19:17):
you wanna spend Holiday rage room.
Michela (19:19):
Yeah. Go to a holiday rage room.
Melissa (19:21):
I wanna see that actually. Oh my gosh. I was into
the rage room idea, but man, ifit's holiday themed where you
get to, you could smash an elfon a shelf. I'm sure
Michela (19:31):
that's probably that's specifically to you, but there's
probably some other people.You're like, Melissa, I don't
know what your problem is withthe elf on the shelf. You can
get like the elf on the shelf,the Amelie's dolls.
Melissa (19:46):
Oh, Amelie's Yeah.
Michela (19:48):
The nutcrackers, whatever.
Melissa (19:51):
No, no, I'm not gonna break a nutcracker.
Michela (19:52):
Oh, you love the nutcracker. Okay. Okay. Yes. He
is very,
Melissa (19:56):
I mean, great. He's, he's the one hollerable
Michela (20:01):
He's holiday figure for the one.
Melissa (20:06):
I mean, I'm more partial to like a mouse queen or
something like that. But youknow, whatevs. I mean, it's
fine.
Michela (20:13):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're close girls. Yeah.
Now
Melissa (20:17):
I'm feeling guilty about this concept. But Okay.
Yeah. I mean, you can do morepro social things too. Like go
ice skating or just go get somecoffee and don't think about
holidays at all.
(20:38):
Go for a walk. Go to a yogaclass. Do a spin class where
they have the music turned up soloud. You can't hear your
thoughts. I mean, pick your pickyour thing here.
You know, lots of options. Iadmit that if you're going to,
you know, a club like spinclass, you're probably not
connecting with your friend inthe spin class, but you can talk
(21:00):
afterwards.
Michela (21:00):
Yeah. Or maybe you're connecting with yourself. You're
getting to your inner.
Melissa (21:03):
Right.
Michela (21:04):
Yeah. And really, yeah, I do think that spin classes are
dying.
Melissa (21:11):
I know they're not in vogue anymore. I get that. I
haven't been to a Legris class.I have a four year old.
Michela (21:19):
I love a spin class, but I don't know why they are
dying out.
Melissa (21:23):
Anyway, okay. So boundary setting. That's a
thing. And I mean, you can bepretty direct and be like, Hey,
we're going to come to yourplace. We'll be there from X
time to Y.
You know, this way they knowthey can sit with, you know,
whatever their feelings arearound it, whether it's that
they're overwhelmed, they'regoing to be there too long,
(21:43):
whether they're disappointedbecause they feel like you don't
care about them, whatever it is.
Clip (21:48):
Everyone in this family hates me. Then maybe you should
ask Santa for a new family.
Michela (21:53):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good reminder. You can't
control what other people aregoing to think or how they are
going to take your actions. And,you know, if it's coming from a
place of keeping your mentalhealth stable, and, you know,
protecting yourself from thingsthat trigger you or upset you or
overwhelm you, you know, it'sokay to engage in that, you
(22:16):
know, step into a quiet roomevery twenty to thirty minutes
to just decompress, do some deepbreathing, just sit quietly for
a second and then go back out.
Melissa (22:28):
And if you can't find a space to go be by yourself, go
for that walk or that run, youknow, or find the random errand
no one wants to run, or reallyneeds to run.
Michela (22:40):
I'll go get some ice. I'll go out and get ice. Does
anyone need ice? Do we haveenough ice here?
Melissa (22:49):
Well, do know about your love affair with ice.
Michela (22:51):
That could
Melissa (22:52):
be a legit problem at a gathering with you.
Michela (22:54):
I know. I know.
Melissa (22:56):
Like we ran through all the ice. I'll go get more.
Michela (22:58):
I'm like, where is the ice? Could have conversations
before going to certain eventsor certain gatherings where like
you all agree that like, you'renot gonna do gifts or you're
gonna do a low budget exchange.Again, I bring it back to the
white elephant. The whiteelephant is very fun, right?
There's a cap, you know, for themost part.
(23:22):
It's fun. You don't have to playwith 50 people. Like me. But
yeah, I did see my cousins theother day and we were talking
about the white elephantexchange and she was like, I,
it's gonna take so long with 50people. And I'm like, that is
true.
So yeah, so there's like 10people that would be probably
(23:44):
better.
Melissa (23:45):
Yeah. No, Yeah. The other thing with the boundary
setting is partially that youset yourself up for some
success. So you say to yourself,okay, I want to be comfortable.
I want to maybe bring a food ifyou're, you know, not in your
immediate environment that Iknow I'm going enjoy eating.
(24:07):
I want to make an outline of thepeople that I want to talk to
and, you know, or the thingsthat I'm willing to discuss.
Michela (24:16):
Yeah, you can have a safe list of what topics that
are comfortable you'recomfortable with, you know?
Melissa (24:22):
Yeah, absolutely. And you can also then yeah, just
kind of have a routine foryourself where if something
comes up that you'reuncomfortable with, you, you
know, have an excuse. Oh gee, Ihave to go get ice.
Michela (24:36):
Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah. Guarantee there's probably some
other people who feel similarly.
So if there's someone that youtrust, you can just be like,
hey, if I need a break, can westep outside together or
something? You know, you cancommunicate with, you know, your
friends or the people you'reclosest to. Yeah, go for a
little walk, do a cousin walk.
Melissa (24:58):
Yeah. Or go hide in the kitchen. If you're hosting and
pretend that you have to chopsome vegetables. I
Michela (25:11):
put all those rolls in the oven because Jerry's here. I
don't know. I don't have aJerry. I don't know who Jerry
is.
Melissa (25:22):
That's totally fair.
Michela (25:26):
Bad Jerry. Oh, yeah.
Melissa (25:30):
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe the reason that Home Alone
is as popular as it is, is thatit's talking about boundaries in
a sense. Right? Yeah.
It's all about everyone'sfeeling really overwhelmed and
they're scapegoating it on theone family member and he's done.
Michela (25:48):
He doesn't eat
Clip (25:49):
sausage and olives
Michela (25:50):
and Look what you did, you little jerk.
Melissa (25:53):
But, you know, yeah, there's a scapegoat in all
households. And you know, maybehonestly, you know, yeah, the
mom feels scapegoated. Lots ofdifferent people, you know?
Michela (26:04):
Yeah. It might rotate too. Depends on what's
happening.
Melissa (26:08):
Absolutely. Yeah.
Michela (26:11):
So if you're feeling scapegoated, just take a
breather and step away and belike, I'm gonna take a mom for
myself.
Melissa (26:21):
Yeah. And yeah. Then on the self care stuff, again, come
up with some things you enjoydoing, you can, you know, bring
a book, you can bring anactivity to do, you can ask
people ahead of time if theywant to play particular game
that you like to play thosekinds of things so that you have
some plans. And then anotherthing that I saw that I thought
(26:44):
was really cute online, is, youknow, on the anticipating the
worst, which I'm a fan of, we doin my household, we'll be like,
let's play worst case scenario.Because you know, then you get
to the deep, dark, scary stuff.
And once you talk about thedeep, dark, scary stuff, it's
not as deep, dark and scaryanymore. So with this idea in
(27:06):
mind, make yourself a bingocard. I thought this one was
really cute. And come up with,you know, all the different
things that you think are likelyto happen during this particular
holiday event. And then you can,you know, check them off when
they happen.
And then when you get bingo, youknow, you can give yourself some
kind of reward. Yeah. It's a funcognitive exercise. It is a fun.
Michela (27:30):
Yeah. It's like an example of journaling, but it's
in a fun bingo form.
Melissa (27:37):
Yeah. I mean, I think the journaling would be a little
bit more narrative, whereas thisis, you know, yeah, it's a bit
of a cognitive exercise to playto be like, okay, here are all
the bad things that are gonnahappen. And you don't
necessarily need to create astory of how they're gonna
happen or when they're gonnahappen. But just like, here are
all the things that I expect tosuck about this holiday season.
Michela (27:58):
Yeah, you're making a list and you're checking it
twice. There you go.
Melissa (28:05):
And you're confirming who is naughty and nice. Oh,
well, so this was another funcognitive exercise. So I saw on
socials, number of people were,you know, recognizing the toll
the holiday was taking on them.And so at least I think this was
(28:28):
last holiday season, but lastholiday season, Snoop Dogg was
making the rounds with hisspeech about, I wanna thank me.
Michela (28:36):
Last but not least, I wanna thank me. And,
Melissa (28:43):
you know, I think you can use this as a cognitive
exercise. You can say, I want tothank myself. I want to thank
myself for being a family memberwho is actively participating in
a holiday gathering. I want tothank myself for thinking about
my sister, my, you know, in law,my, you know, fill in and the
(29:05):
blank what they, you know,wanted, needed from me this
holiday season. And, you know,thank yourself for, you know,
all of the effort that you'reputting in, in whatever way that
you're putting it in.
No, I think it's it's a nicething to do to acknowledge for
yourself what, you know, whattoll this is taking, but also
(29:29):
really what you're bringing tothe table, how strong you are,
how awesome you are to celebrateyourself a bit. When all else
fails, we're talking around it.It's okay to get angry.
Michela (29:44):
Yeah. Yeah. You can go, go ahead and say, I don't give a
fuck.
Melissa (29:50):
Absolutely. Yeah. There's a good number. I mean,
I'm, you know, sure acrosssocial media, there's a solid
homage to fuck. But there is asolid amount of homage to fuck
within the holiday social mediacoverage.
So, you know, let it go. Yeah.
Michela (30:10):
Let it go. Let it go.
Melissa (30:13):
Be as profane as you want. Right. Do it. It's fine.
Yeah.
Michela (30:20):
Fuck you. Fuck you very, very much.
Melissa (30:25):
I mean, you know, ideally, you're not doing that
necessarily always with familymembers. But you know, in the
sense that you're not picking afight and being profane in that
regard. But you know, if you
Michela (30:37):
have to
Melissa (30:37):
sure defend yourself, you know, but yeah, I mean, also
just go yell to yourself.
Michela (30:48):
Call a friend
Melissa (30:49):
and just cathart
Michela (30:51):
the Yeah, heck out of complain and
Melissa (30:53):
send a message to your therapist and be like, actually,
I shouldn't have canceled allthose sessions. And here's why.
And you can just write out allthe profanity.
Michela (31:02):
That's fine.
Melissa (31:03):
Yeah, we can hold that energy for you.
Michela (31:05):
We can. I love a good email. Yeah. Send it.
Melissa (31:11):
Definitely.
Michela (31:14):
Write out your thoughts to someone who cares. Yeah. But
yeah, yeah. Let the fucks fly,you know?
Melissa (31:24):
Absolutely. And then when you've exercised all your
demons, you know, you come backand hopefully you have something
about this time that you aredoing for yourself and for those
around you. And you can reflecton the value and meaning of it
for you. And if there's none,then
Michela (31:46):
let it go. Let it go. It's not serving you. No. Yeah,
it's a good time to reflect on,yeah, what matters to you.
Absolutely.
Melissa (32:01):
Because, yeah, there's so much that's superimposed on
us with expectation. Yeah.
Michela (32:05):
And you can say yes to only the things that you want to
say yes to. So, you know, if youneed that reminder, I'm telling
you it's true. Thanks forlistening. This has been shrinks
and giggles. Share your holidaygrievances and or stressors with
us, and we'll all survive theholiday season together.
(32:27):
Subscribe and follow us whereveryou get your podcasts. Like,
share with your friends. We lovemaking these episodes for you
guys. So if you enjoy them, letus know. See you next time.
Woo. Happy holidays.
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