The Alex Cupid Show Ep.2: "The Mosh Pit Daddy" Ryan shares his recovery!

FINALLY A GUEST! 

"Mosh Pit Daddy" Ryan joins #TACS and shares his recovery from a traumatic accident after being hit by a car.  Join us as we Overcome, Grow but most importantly...

EXIST.

 

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Ryan: Funny Face by Arms Length

Funny Face by Arms Length

Alex: Drink water and Kings Park by La Dispute

Kings Park by La Dispute

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Call yourself a fucking gangster

(00:02):
So out, right is a fucking so chat
What a waste
Wankers fucking bears waste them all time fucking wise them all time
Well guys, you know

(00:24):
Believe it or not we're here for the second time and the second time I get to say this
Ladies and gentlemen, and those of you do not subscribe to the social culture that is gender
And what is the 21st century welcome to the Alex Cupid sure I'm gonna hate saying that forever
I swear I absolutely swear to God, but hey is here to stay until somebody

(00:46):
Either attempts to cancel me or I get pulled to a corner and told why it's bad
guys, I have a guest and
I hate the fact that I've been imagining the show as I said in last episode for 10 years plus
And it's happening now. I'm like Jesus Christ is all happening. I have a guest you've heard his voice before
On episodes of silly whales and they get to hear it for even longer guys I thought Ryan

(01:11):
Hey, I did
Man, it's good to have you is very good to have you and I have you on here for
Well for multi-duty reasons one because I fucking love you - you are a symbol of
being

(01:31):
Well, I'm a sure human being as well as being I have nicknamed you and called you the mosh pit daddy
I'm just happy
Not normally like I get called on handle and I don't use is now just got called a mature adult and that's really confusing
I don't know that

(01:52):
Down to me not having a lot of mature adults in my life. I definitely think it's that
You know
But I haven't I haven't a roster full of
Sounds fucking dreadful and bad to say I've like all the men in my life now
You were in there like early day or early to late days

(02:12):
So it's all well and good
Sorry, what you're saying is you could potentially be another p-did it
Well
If you guys are all the older people I'm the youngest one so I think I'm the victim
Like twice if I need help

(02:36):
But it's a part of you guys won't be able to see it. What are you doing with that baby oil?
God
Yeah, do you want to re-record this bit? Well, we get
Nah, we're fine. We're fine
Why I've round the show well is gonna come on later on when Joe's back
Crit episode of Ceeley Wells
But the reason what happened one here for the other scuba shows because

(02:58):
Rhymer if you something pretty fucking pretty traumatic and we all I want to discuss it I want to
Break it down a little bit and understand it and also when you guys still so hear it and
See if anything connects with you or if it's a journey that
You're embarking on yourself. You might sadly have to embark on at some point the journey of recovery

(03:18):
Ryan it's time
Tell us about when you go hit by car
Yeah, this is I run it because as my best friend was how you I made so many jokes about would bring what
Traffits has did like when I got like a minor inconvenience and it used to be a running joke that I was like

(03:39):
I wonder how fast I can get hit by car and survive
And the the estimate and speed the guy said who's going out was about 30 I think it's probably closer to 40
So I think 40 is a good car
Should I like intro myself as well like spying a bit about me or whatever at all do it all

(04:02):
So I interrupted you had you had a question
No, I didn't I was good to see did you get hit by car grip 40 months and hour?
I think it was probably closer to 40
He see he would be guy that hit me was short was saying he was doing 30
But it's a very straight road that people speed up all the time

(04:24):
So I think I think you I think it was at least 40
Chris yeah entry yourself tell us about
Well who you are to preface the story and then we can go into it
so
As Cupid said I am Ryan I am 38. I'll be 39 this year. I use the

(04:47):
social media handle
Mosspit daddy because I liked it when Cupid called me
I am a dad of one
So sons just have 13 couple of days ago
And yeah, I am the person that Alex sends music to when he wants me to go meh. It's okay

(05:07):
And I'm also the reason
Joe needs a lifestyle mentioned on the podcast
Because I was the one introduced it into last out and in me
Who am I favorite band?
Yeah, yeah, we did mention in me on the show where I went to the concert and
I'm happy to say that more people now have heard of in me

(05:30):
From that and I'm really happy
Really happy that that bad exists really happy that you exist really happy that you're still alive
Because no definitely like I will
Professor this by saying there's gonna be a lot to talk about Brauma and mental health

(05:51):
and so and just to sort of
Get in on what you said about glad I'm being alive when I got
hit by a car
Like obvious I didn't so I'll tell the story properly
So I it was a Monday night and on a Monday

(06:12):
I eat only go to the gym during the day and for what I've been on a day
That day so I hadn't been in the day and I've got back and I was just relaxing
He got to about seven o'clock in the evening and I was like I need to go to the gym
So got my stuff
Grab my bag
Headed out my door
I had a musical in my headphones

(06:34):
As I let my house I see a car coming
Far down the road and I'm like cool. I know it's there across the road thousands of times
But it all but can also not you know it can also pull in at any point as well
So I cross one road and then so basically cross the main part of the road you cross a small road and then you go across the main part

(07:00):
um the main part it's all completely clear
Um, but I couldn't see the car
So I assumed that it was fine to cross the road
I couldn't see the car because and if you're one of these people don't park your four-by-four or big vans or anything like this on a corner of a road
It makes it incredibly hard for pedestrians to see and get clear view down that road

(07:25):
Um that night there was a four-by-four parked on the corner just outside my house
um and
I went across the second part of the road and as I did I saw these headlights
and I
bought it just enough to kind of step back
And it hit me on my right side

(07:46):
Hit me straight in the leg on the right side I
I got on sort of bonnet
obviously with through the impact and I hit my head on his windshield on what's the passenger side
Didn't get thrown too far up in the air um landed back on the road

(08:07):
Thought oh that's that hurts um went to sit up got to sort of from the length position to the position where your elbows are underneath you when you kind of halfway up
And then my body went no you need to lie down
Um and then I laid down um
Something I used to work with had actually gone past on the bus

(08:28):
While it was happening
Seen that I was laying in the road got off the bus because the bus stops just outside
Downside of my house and was like the first person other than the driver to
Be like present with me
Um she was also the person that went and got my parents and my brother because I live
I live about five minutes up the road from them

(08:51):
Um, I was completely conscious through everything
Probably suffering from concussion
I at no point can see what my leg looked like I didn't see my leg and say oh it's fixed
And then I was in that I was laying in the road for about 90 90 minutes before I got
Uh scooked up and sent a commentary and an ambulance

(09:13):
Jesus christ
Are you happy that you didn't see your legs
At all
Yeah, so like I say all the damages was on the right side um
So in it was dark and I had like jogging bottoms on as well
So I didn't I couldn't see it and from when I was laying down I was essentially flat apart from my head my back on my back

(09:40):
My back on my back some slightly twisted but I couldn't see down um
And then when people were showing up like
There's like people from the houses nearby because there's lots of houses
um
I think
Then my my my brother was the first one
To step to off and did they say how bad it looks

(10:02):
Um and then
Because my mum came and basically sat next to me on the road
And she was like it doesn't look good and my brother
And this is a trigger warning for anybody that doesn't like call or violence. I'll mention the injuries now
Uh my brother took one look at when your legs not so your ankles not supposed to be placed in that way

(10:24):
So in that I suffered um I broke both my tibia and tibia in the lower part of my right leg
dislocate my ankle
pre-fractured ribs
Two fractures in my collarbone
And two fractures in my pelvis
Um yeah, that's like

(10:48):
That is um
So when I found out that you got hit by a car you
You see I think you sent me a message of something like um
I think I sent you a message or something you went
Yeah, that's all good mate just being hit by a car
So like
So that is not that is that is not the funniest message that I sent
While flying in the road

(11:09):
I text my best friend
Hot by car
Hot by cat
Because like AI was suffering from concussion
The I didn't have my glasses on
And see like my hands weren't working
Like they they they it took me I think
So

(11:30):
I didn't know where my phone was initially obviously um and then like when my parents got to me up after 10 minutes
I was so after the accident
Like actually I'm locking my phone in my thumbprint it would have worked
couldn't remember my password
Um
And I was just like
The out of it
But I was I was aware with the concussion

(11:50):
possible possibility of the concussion
I needed to stay conscious because I needed to be able to convey
To the ambulance
Bruce or whatever else the
The um
What I was feeling
Like
Wait so you never lost consciousness right the entire thing of this right not

(12:14):
The only time the literally the first arm I lost consciousness
I was when I was given the ketamine and the hospital
For the first of the two operations I had to help
And then with care I mean you don't you don't really get much of a choice unless you're quite in it
And I wasn't flying it at that point because it was like midnight or so by the time I got to commentary

(12:35):
Because we've spoken about briefly but and the reason why I didn't even speak about properly is
Because primarily because one everything had a flu by
Because everything else happened as well. It wasn't just that like the car crash happened
What the car accident happened and then
There's a massive change in your life anyway

(12:55):
And then everything just kind of just like
Bolin to one
So then we never just spoke about the car crash
And this is gonna be a shit question but
Do you remember the amount of pain that you were in though?
So initially wasn't in anything once I lay down
I'll be completely honest and obviously that will be a mixture of adrenaline

(13:18):
Um and everything else and then as you're going on late like I was laying in the road
And my backpack was underneath me
So I was kind of laying twisted anyway so that was hurt in my back
And then I think about 45 minutes or so after about 45 minutes
That was when sort of the pain hit it kicked in

(13:41):
But it was also quite cold that night so I think it was a kind of a bit of like numbness to it as well
Um
We had little side notes so I'm laying in the road just been hit by a car
And I was laying there there was probably about 10 people from up the street
Um my friend and the driver
And at this point there's no emergency services on

(14:05):
Yeah, I just says this is the right thing
Um there was no no no no no no then present
And I'm laying on the road and somebody in a 4x4
derives on the pavement to get around me
Because I'm laying in the road
They drove on the pavement
And like and I'm just and I'm and literally I was laying there calling the driver all sorts of incentives

(14:34):
And it's really funny because like my brother
My brother turned up and like one after he told me how I've laid my leg
Leg looks and he got swarener
Um he was like so how'd he feel like it's going oh yeah
I'm the great evening man how about you
Like I was essentially putting I was essentially putting on a bit of like an improv comedy show

(14:56):
Yeah I noticed that the few injuries I've had which mostly came from football
It's I revert to that straightaway
Like a comedy of
Getting everybody else to feel okay in a way
Rather than focusing on you know the actual pain that I'm in
And even when I did my my ACL it was all about like

(15:19):
Hey it would be fine it'd be fine
And I don't think I realized at the time how bad it was either when I had that injury
So I like did you have any idea
Like how serious it was
Mm
No big I think that's partly true because I couldn't see it

(15:40):
We'd obviously planned you coming to Northampton for Halloween
And I was like one of the first thoughts was I shit I'm not gonna be able to do that
Like I guessed it was bad just because of how my body initially reacted
But there was I didn't know like how bad it was

(16:00):
I just kind of went
Yeah kind of hurts
Like I just
I'm just irrelevant
So I remember getting the message and I was like
You know what the hell

(16:20):
So yeah
So like we
said I've been on a date with somebody that day that morning and
We like as I was leaving now they just got some bad news and I
I didn't like obviously I didn't respond to them and then I think I

(16:43):
I think once I got the ability to get into my phone and choose one of the first people I'm
messaged and I was just like
Hey
Sorry, I haven't spoken to you for an hour or so. I've been hit by car
And she thought I was joking
Like that person thought I was joking

(17:04):
And it wasn't until like I sort of I made sure that I text
You and my best friend
Um, I didn't tell my son
Um, I didn't tell his mom either
Um, I let my mom do that um
But I will get into why and it the way he comes into

(17:29):
The recovery part I'll get in stress all of that when we get in cell phone
Yeah, like I think
So now we're at the point where you're loading up into the ambulance now and
I guess you've been given like the morphine
Uh, I was given so on the roadside uh, what was the length in the road I was given morphine I was also

(17:54):
Given gas and air and I didn't like that
Like I know obviously it's cute to be like pregnancies and things like that
And but it just kind of made me feel really out of control and
I think I have
I am very much somebody that has a
I like being in control of myself

(18:18):
Like I don't drink like I don't drink a lot of drugs every day either
Yeah, I don't I don't drink a lot. I don't
Drink I don't you know, it's taking any substance either or anything
Um, I used to
I'm not saying like I'm an angel. I used to do all of that stuff um, but it was very much a

(18:40):
Like I'm very much like if I'm out with my friends or or
Or a day or something I'm the person that sits with
Sit with my so I can I don't sit with my back to the room
I'll sit with like so I can watch the whole room
So does it feel did it imagine if it really strange that

(19:05):
Someone who values control he like a midfielder really you value got control of the situation you have no control of what's happening
Yeah, yeah, and there's been a lot of times
during the sort of
The healing and recovery and renaissance where I've got

(19:27):
frustrated because of that but once again, we'll get so all of that once we do the recovery
Yeah, um, so yeah, I was yeah put into that into the ambulance
um
I'm gotten with with um
And literally I was still conscious through all of their to blue light and it was like I was blue lighted

(19:52):
Um, and I was conscious throughout that entire blue light journey to Coventry as well
But in your rather the hospital and
It's a case of like well, there's a thing with with dealing with like a health crisis health service crisis at the moment
so it's

(20:13):
I imagine that's something controversial yeah go for it
but for stories
That's not the choice of all me
like
That like as much as people want to blame labor
It the majority of the damage to the NHS is because of the Tories being comes
I will say my experience in both hospitals I stayed in was amazing. I try to be

(20:37):
I the nurses and the doctors and surgeons
um were fantastic the physios were fantastic with me
I am grateful that we have such an amazing service
And I was really I was always making sure that I was thanking people
But basically you know taking care of me and repairing me and putting me back together

(21:01):
I was very conscious to make sure that I was thanking them for that
Did you feel like there was ever
Well because the experience is positive which sets you up nicely
And you were well looked after
But was there like ever a moment where you were just like this is taken forever because you were in you are a Coventry for a very long time

(21:24):
Was it like more than a week?
I was in Coventry for three weeks
And then I came and then had four nights three nights in Northampton
um
Yeah
So
Like I was in hospital for that long
Coventry is an hour or so away from where I live

(21:45):
And so like one of them was making that drive pretty much every single day
To make sure that I had somebody to see me and a couple of times she bought my son
The person I was seeing
So I did she'd been on the date with that day
She came a couple of times as well
There was only a few days where I didn't have any visits
um

(22:06):
and
um
there
I don't know if you will have seen it
I put a video up going on blanket
Um I don't know if you'd seen it
I don't know if I've got to go on Instagram
Um
Now blanket is a bit of a

(22:28):
heavy subject
Because it was a blanket that was gifted to me
by an ex-partner
Um
And normally when I go through a breakup I throw everything away
I didn't throw this one away because it had one of
It has something that's really important to me on it
It's a teenage mutant angel tailed blanket

(22:50):
Uh you've seen my son too
Um
Teenage mutant angel tailed holes and ghost clusters were huge parts of my life
When I was growing up
I had a Christmas where my parents bought me all of the tailed toys
And all of the ghostfuls' toys
My son's my father had character in the turtles
And like so turtles has always been my happy place

(23:13):
Um
And at no longer the eye completely forgot that it was my ex-partner
I thought I bought it for myself
Um
And yeah
When I was laying in the roadside like I'm a litchy
To have some more brother
Here's my keys
You get my phone charger
And can you get my turtles blanket?

(23:33):
Because I was like
And I so I didn't sleep in the hospital sheets every night
I feel like the tailed blanket wrapped around me
Because it was like a safe
But all
Did you feel like
It's like those nights in commentary
Because not only while you stuck in hospital bed

(23:54):
I imagine also for a little bit claustrophobic as well
Just because of the sheer
Well the situation itself probably hasn't sat in yet
And then
You can't move even if you wanted to
And again, you have a little filter, you like control
So
What was that
Like what was the feelings there laying in that bed the first night?

(24:16):
So
The
The first night
There wasn't a lot because I was still under the influence of the ketamine and everything else after
Um after
So
And again
If you're not good with
Gore
Um

(24:37):
So basically I have the ketamine was given to me because
Before they could fix the leg they had to straighten the leg
Because basically the bone
The bone had come off and out
So they had the ketamine was given to me so I could straighten my leg
Um
So yeah
There was
And then

(24:58):
So first night
And then literally I was first up in the operating theater on the
That
The start day one
Essentially
And then so that was um
That was like I didn't I didn't really have time to feel and feel sort of
Day
All day two in the hospital
Like because I've had no operations and like that like

(25:22):
Essentially they would they would get trying to get me to stand up like the next day
Um
And in terms of what I was feeling
I was embarrassed
Because as a parent you teach your child across the road
And you always make sure that you know then as across the road safely

(25:43):
Um
And I felt embarrassed that
I've been teaching my son to cross the road since you know he was small
And then I go and get hit go and get hit by a car
Um
I was
Um
I was feeling incredibly grateful that I was still alive

(26:06):
Which is a weird thing to say but it's also not feeling that I feel a lot
Um, we'll probably discuss this more on the main episode
But I have
struggled with
My place in the world and depression and anxiety since I was 16
Um and then sometimes that has been

(26:30):
Suicidal ideologies
But I've never acted upon them
Um and I have no intention of acting upon them
So yeah I was embarrassed
I felt
I felt like I was a burden
Like that wasn't like day two but

(26:50):
There was times throughout the recovery and the healing I felt I was a burden
Like I said my mum was struggling up
The first couple of first couple of weeks she's had like she had some time off from work anyway
But then she was troubling up after work
And I felt like such a burden
To people

(27:12):
And it was
It was really hard to deal with
I had a lot of nights where I ride myself to sleep
And literally it was just okay so I would put the blanket over my head
Just cry
That didn't want people to see me cry because I was in a ward with people with similar or worse at similar or worse things

(27:35):
There was four of us
Um and I didn't want
He gets his
Down to seaming
Right
Um I was
Don't isolate it as well because like I was away from my family
I am big on routines how I keep a balance in my life
And I was aware

(27:56):
Barely on this is a six to eight month recovery period
We are as we record now on 19th of February we're two days away from four months
Um yeah and I genuinely felt
So um

(28:17):
I felt so ashamed of myself
Because
It
It was just a simple stupid thing
And then you run through all the scenarios
Oh, I should have gone to the gym
Earlier in the day, you know, it was a bit lighter
Um

(28:40):
And I
There was there was a lot of negative and self-loathing emotions
I think is an easy way to summarize it all
Like because one of the things that I remember when it happened was
By the whole shock of it it was more like

(29:03):
As good as
Coventure or was you were like
Close to losing it just because of the
General situation that you were in
Yeah, and I remember you saying that you're doing physics you are ready and I was like
Yo Jesus Christ

(29:23):
But I think it was like
You had the surgery and the day after that you were walking
And I was just like
No so the day after they had me standing
Um I didn't we didn't do any walking or anything
And still probably a week or so

(29:45):
Jesus even you were standing
Even just even just standing like
So basically to get me to stand what they would do is they had this thing
um
And it was basically a bit like a staircase
Um and you sort of pull yourself up on it stand up on it

(30:07):
And they twist you to get you like into a wheelchair or something
But initially they're just doing it so they can get you up
Um
Up on your feet um and then then essentially you become they're like right
We want you to you know we get we get
Be getting like wheelchair so like when you need a toilet and things like that um

(30:30):
But like even that
so
On
Um, I'm sure I'll do this um so when
It
When they were getting me to stand that was genuinely days where I could I was really struggling
And you know rugby where before the scrum hits they have like a chat they have like a big shout don't they

(30:53):
Yeah, and it's uh or like an American football
So mine was get up do flat-fuck
Yeah, you told me it's recently
Yeah, it was literally then um
And then when I was having days
Where I wasn't able to walk or whatever it was get moving you flat-fuck it was essentially me. It's helped appreciate

(31:17):
Um can I to go back to what we're producing saying because I really was while I was talking
I actually wrote something while I was in hospital that I shared on social media
Yeah, definitely
And I put it up I put it up like the day it like it was on the month month of the thing um
I think you sent me a screeged of it
Yeah
So and I'm trying to I'm sort of reading it now

(31:39):
To make sure that I put I said everything um and something I didn't say was in the immediate aftermath
I was scared
Like I think people I was scared that people thought
I was okay because I was deflecting you well because I was talking I was trying to be
normal and in reality I'm laying in a road thinking

(32:01):
There's a chance that I could never walk again
Um
And yeah, I was very much
And
Like that was one that was my main initial worry
When I'm the word of something on my leg I was so worried that I'd never walk again

(32:22):
Um
I'm just reading it through
Um
Why wrote and I so
Physio was hard like like as it's you they'd had me standing the day after the relationship the day after the
surgery
And I was so scared that my my leg would break again

(32:45):
Um, I was
Like internally
And I think outwardly a few times
There was times where I physically first out crying while trying to stand up
Because I was just so
scared that
Not in my head my body's going no if you if you get up now your leg is going to break again

(33:09):
And you're going to end up on the floor again and is you're going to burden more people
Like was that pain or was it all emotional?
No pain
Um, so to so the surgery in the surgery they obviously
Second surgery they reset one of the thought of a

(33:29):
They basically removed the large bone in your leg
My leg and replaced it with a metal rod which is secured by a spike essentially right through my knee
Um, obviously as well when you think about it when you're sitting up
And getting up from sitting

(33:50):
You you're putting up pressure through your hips
Well, I've got and pelvis
Well, I've got fractured my pelvis and my hip really hurts and my knee really hurts and my leg really hurts
So I was even just like they'd make me stand like once a day
initially and even after that I was I was on morphine basically they have like a slow dose morphine that

(34:13):
works over four hours
Um, and basically after that
After physio I was then I was also allowed to have like more morphine on top of that
Like it's called auremorph so auremorphine
Um, and yeah, so I was doing that

(34:33):
Like after every fit after every physio session
But um, there's another point that we'll get to that
When work sort gets towards like the end of my journey possible
There were also days where like none of the painkillers were working

(34:55):
Like I was being given morphine and I was I was being given like other
other painkillers um, like while I was in hospital like if I found physio
It's particularly hard that day whether that would be when I was trying to stand
Or whether I was trying to walk I would

(35:16):
Like I would literally collapse into the big chair that was by my bed with with them not with like a essentially an ice pack on my ankle
Um looking like I'd just played 25 minutes in the caribou cup final
Um, and
Like it doesn't matter how much morphine I was given

(35:36):
I would wasn't it wasn't touching it obviously as well in hospital you don't tend to sleep
Like a lot of the times I was was sleeping just because my body was
Just exhausted
And so I was very
Um

(35:58):
Yeah, my but it wasn't I was never sleeping because I was tired
I was sleeping because I was physically and mentally exhausted
Your body just reached a limit where like you can no longer function awake
So you had no choice because like in hospital there's those really like foreign noises as beeping

(36:19):
There's like other patients
Doing this and making noises and all that stuff as well. I'm like I was being I was having observations taken from me before hours
Because I was essentially on a high dependency ward now I sleep with um loops in anyway
And if anybody has an issue with sound or noise of struggling to stay by recommend getting the loops

(36:40):
This have the so it's not sponsored by loops
Uh, so they are just literally in here
Like little in here noise noise canceling things
And they're really good for people on the spectrum as well
Because they do lots of different grades
Of them I sleep in with like they're heavy

(37:01):
The heaviest grade the heaviest of noise suppression
That can take like noise levels down while I 30 decibels
Which when you're trying to sleep is a lot especially when you're trying to sleep in hospital
So we're now at a point now where
It's been a week or two and
You started walking

(37:23):
Is there
Did you always feel that there was a kind of lady in the tunnel or something else like a very gradual thing where you're like
I'm gonna get through this
So when I was in hospital
Um I
Just sort of once I come to times with

(37:43):
Or got my head around because whenever anything like major happens to me
I sort of have a day where I need to
Fill my feelings and then
I start to get essentially planned
Um, I sort of went right
The doctor's got like just a six-spatement recovery and in my head I went

(38:04):
I want to be able to go to work
I wanted to be back at work by the end of by the start of January
Um, and then I was like
But initially my first like lots were standing walking
Then back at work

(38:25):
So
There's a process of
Because even I got lost me through the
The stage of your recovery because you're doing the physio and then now you can think that the time when you were walking
If did you have like a walker as well?

(38:48):
The yes, so yeah, so to initially get you walking that you have essentially like an adult walker
And you rest your forearms on it and it kind of you do little shuffle steps
Um, and that's how and then it slowly builds you up and then
Then they have a thing called
That it's called got a crutch and I struggled with that and so they put after I was comfortable with the the walker

(39:13):
They put me up they essentially gave me crutches
And I literally was going from there
So why were in covenantry you never walked unassisted?
No, I didn't even stand unassisted until I got to Northampton

(39:34):
Jesus, so now it's yeah, we go to Northampton
So now we're in Northampton, it's just like close to home for you
Uh, it's not in his home
Yeah
And the journey is like
Well, the end was in sight at that point, right? Is only four days you were there
Yeah, but that's the thing I didn't know how long I was going to be in Northampton

(39:56):
Um, yeah, I remember you saying I remember you saying that you could be here for a while
You were too sure
Yeah, I was essentially on a wall without I was I was in like a side like a side room on my own
Um, I don't know if we've ever spoken a lot the day of being transferred
No, let's do it

(40:19):
So um, so I woke up and
like the
The nurse comes around it's like six o'clock in the morning and I thought I'd been moved out of the high dependency ward
into a more general sort of ward at this point
And I was like, well, that's good, but you know, I suppose it's a good sign

(40:44):
Um, but I didn't know how much longer I was going to be there um
And I got woke up at about six o'clock in there
nurse is doing my observations she's checking my blood pressure she's taking
I'm still breathing um
And everything else and she goes, oh think you're going home today

(41:05):
Like you well amazing great fantastic um, and then
About ten o'clock or so that that morning um, the surgeon
Uh, the surgeons like assistant they have a proper name, but I can't think of it
Um, came around and was like, yeah, we are going to transfer you

(41:25):
To Northampton, they've accepted your movement
Um, they will be along
They said between
four and ten
So four and eight to collect you
So I'm texting my
Um, texting my mum so they don't come and visit me

(41:46):
Um
Because I'm gonna I'm being transferred to Northampton um, and then
Um, and I'm texting a few other people telling them, you know, I'm coming
Coming back I'm coming back to Northampton, I'm close to being at home
Um, and then I get eight o'clock comes

(42:08):
Nobody's been
And I speak to one of the nurses and they're like, oh no, it did definitely still coming for you
And ten o'clock comes and there's like they're essentially closing me
wards the lights off in the
wards so people can get sleep and I'm like
I'm like this they're not here

(42:30):
And I was getting frustrated, I was crying, I was I just wanted to go home
Um, and then
I think I fell asleep and um, midnight I get woken up
And it's by like one of the sisters on the ward
And she's like, the head boy, let's get you up
And I'm just like, I kind of make, I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna make this like, amazing

(42:54):
I'm like, I've been like, it's the day it got on, I was feeling a lot
And like, they're not, they didn't know, sure
Um
That, you know, that I was very much
in a, you know, in a space where
like I didn't, I thought, they're gonna, they're gonna keep me here another day

(43:18):
And yeah, so then I got, you know, just
Well, I didn't get blue light at this time, there's no need for it
And like, I just remember sitting there like
And sitting there and, or laying there in the back of the hospital
And pulling out of the pharmacy car park and just saying thank you to the

(43:39):
Just saying thank you to the building
Um
Just for essentially getting me back on my feet
Like, so now we're in Northampton and
Well, the first night there is it now
Did you know that you only spent four days there?

(44:01):
Nope, I had no idea
How long I was gonna be in hospital for
At any point during any of this
Um
Like they, by, by that point, I was getting around flying on frutches
Um, we'd started in commentary a couple of days before

(44:24):
Working on like getting up stairs and things like that and steps
Um, but I had no idea how, how long I was gonna be in Northampton for
Um, I have friends that work in hospital in Northampton
And obviously with it being in Northampton
I had like, my friends could come and visit me which
Which gave them which meant that it was a lesser, you know, lesser burden on my month

(44:51):
That she wasn't having to come every day
And even though it's, oh, it's a lot shorter drive, but like
My brother could come and see me some of the people that I work with came to see me in those days
And those days my friends that work there were like popping in on their brakes and stuff
Like my brother could, my brother came in like one day and he formed a Donald's and things like that

(45:12):
You love it, love it
Yeah, and like, like, I was in like a, like a, so dream on my own
So I had like a, it's own like bathroom and everything else
Um, and like
Like, by that point, I was on frutches and like, think

(45:34):
And I'm sure you've seen a video um
I
Basically one one morning I got up and like
Was doing like, give myself a wash and sort of like
Sort of myself out and I just took a video of myself just standing with no correctures or anything

(45:55):
And just and jokate your last tail button ready
I was, I posted a video of me just like just like
Dancing on the spot to the last tail
To celebrate, yeah
What's on
Uh, changes for the season
Oh, that's a good song to dance to yeah, yeah

(46:16):
Like was there any pain at that point for you?
Yeah, I mean even like now there is still pain man
This obviously it's a lot less um, not on any medication
Um, while I was in in hospital, I was given I was still on the

(46:38):
The slow release for a morphine and then when I got released I was given enough morphine for 10 days
And I think I took it for five because I'm aware that morphine can be addicted
Like
So now at the point where you're being discharged
And it's official, but you're definitely going home. What's the feelings there?

(47:01):
So I was discharged in a lot of the evening because
Like they discharge you and then it's going to get all your medication and everything that you take in home with you
Um, and like one of the worst ones I had was the um anti-coagulant
injection every day into my stomach

(47:22):
Um
And like and I had to do that when I came home as well for like two weeks after
And I hated it. It was like the it was like the genuinely one of the worst parts of all of this
Um, and then I don't have a thing with needles
I have to think about seeing a needle go in but because you couldn't introduce them you kind of have to watch it go in
Like um, and so yeah, I was released in the evening

(47:51):
And like my mum
called the car around so I was like, I spelled in an orderly
There was there was on the wall that night we ordered me out
And I remember being wealed that the um
The um, so the doors of like the main doors of the ward

(48:14):
And just while I'm sobbing
Because there were points when I was in hospital in commentary
Where I didn't know how long
I thought I was 10 and a half times I thought I was going to be in hospital forever
And literally I got
I got to my mum

(48:36):
And I'm still in tears
And she like she couldn't I couldn't
I couldn't speak
And she was
She literally like had to get into her car so I had to stand up out of the wheelchair
Like, put it for myself in
And get down on there and that was painful

(48:57):
And literally I just think we sat there and like the waiting bay at the hospital
And like I think for a good minute I was crying
Um, and I was
Just so relieved to be coming back to home

(49:18):
So now you're back home
Day one home
What is the feeling that you're well like a lot of these questions are summarized
What is the feeling here? I think the sight difference of this question is
Now you're home and now you're well in no longer in

(49:39):
The hospital in no longer constricted to your movement
Barbed your physical limitations
What's the first thing that you did when you got home
Layed down on my bed
Turn my Xbox on
Like I literally lay down on my bed

(50:05):
Turn my Xbox on
Didn't put anything on
But like I was just listening to the noise it makes when it started up
And just have some deep breaths
Is
Is
It this is all flown by quite quickly actually
because um

(50:27):
Now in present day
recording this in a 90 for February and you're you're not back at work
But it felt like two weeks ago
you were
Still like in a
mode where you were knowing they're about to work it felt like the period of time that you were out
Just barely

(50:48):
Getting things done and big things together
It felt like it was going on forever because I remember those it does it in me show and London
That yeah, the weird book and I was very touch and go this was um
This was
What is it December the show was
To some I'm sure

(51:10):
I sure it was like December
Like middle of December
Yeah, and I was very naive in thinking heck we can make it work we can make it work
I was confident that we were gonna I was gonna make it
Yeah, and I remember like me and you discussing and you were like literally I'm trying to figure out like the most
Prouch friendly way to get you around

(51:32):
Um, and I was confident and even the day of the show I am like
I even the day of the show I was debating saying to you I could do it because
My one thing in my in my head
I was saying throughout this entire thing was
If I believe that I can do it I can
Yeah, but then like

(51:55):
Because and this this is where the control thing comes in um
Like my mom was very cautious about everything
And even she still is now
like um
So as as we speak now I can walk around freely

(52:16):
like without frutches
and be
Okay, I'll limp after I'll start limping after a while um
But I can do that um, but like if I to land it for what my mom's have without my frutches
She gives me so much shit
like

(52:38):
Like me and my son were going to cinema around Sunday
And I was like oh, I'll walk I'll bring my take for a check of walk because I still use a grip to sort of get around
Like if I know I'm gonna be walking a lot
Um, or if I'm like getting around sort of like like we said I'm back at work now part time

(52:59):
um like I'll use your Prouch when sort of getting around town
because and because your body
loses so much of its energy
um, you know, laying in the hospital bed for
23 hours a day or whatever

(53:19):
um, and it's just it's a physical and mental sort of toll on it
Um, so I like I still use what a Prouch now if if I'm around the house
I'll walk around without frutches and at work I'm walking around without crutches
um
But as a general rule, like I'll try and take my crutch it everywhere. I'll try and take a crutch everywhere

(53:42):
Well, I see myself like walking about crutches
I mean
But once once again as well it also depends on
What I've done the day before
Like if I if I've had a day where I've not really done anything

(54:03):
That day, you know, I've stayed in for whatever reason
Like the next day I'm more comfortable walking around on it
without frutches
like
Or if like I need to go if I want to go to like one of the corn shots around the corner or
Boss Man's Chicken shop boss man's chicken
Boss Man's chicken this episode is sponsored by Boss Man's Chicken

(54:27):
Don't use the big brands use boss man's chicken
um
so
We
Like
That will also have an effect like what I've done the day before
We'll have an effect on what I can do that day
Like obviously I said to you, I went on that night out and I didn't use my crutch

(54:48):
Um like
Like the next the next day I was like
So my legs still swells up
Well, I mean he swells up and he's got a pin through it
Um or if I've had like physio it'll swell up
Um if I went when I were soft so I had to hold them back over the top of my

(55:09):
My trainers or my shoes on my boots
Um because otherwise it all just swells up
So like I remember the um
The initial because like I said to you earlier I was so
I was so adamant that I'd be getting back to work at the start of

(55:29):
January
And literally like I got signed off
Yeah, um when I got the sign off at the start of note
At the start of December
And the doctors assigned me off for two months
I felt so low. I felt really lost

(55:50):
Why?
Because I felt that I failed in my goal
That sent myself
Is you were feedback by January?
Yeah because I I work in sales in generous sales
I mean you know I my wages aren't commission based

(56:13):
But I have my wages and then a commission
Um and do you think I've gone this season?
Yeah essentially I'm like I can you know
I can sell
I think the most I've done in the three years in it's shown
where I think I've sold like 60,000 pounds worth of stuff

(56:33):
pieces and I get one I get one and a half percent on that
Yeah, that's big
Like yeah now you're back as well
And as well like
Throughout after month one
I'm on
Stafford stick sick pay
I'm on like I have supply for universal credit

(56:55):
And like
Essentially and I've sent somebody earlier like
There isn't 800 pounds
Difference before any bonuses and why I get what I was getting on what I'm getting with SSPN universal credit
There's an 800 pounds shortfall

(57:17):
Like I was basically
I was basically paying enough to pay the rent on where I lived
where I live
Um
paying
Stump
Paying off like a loan that I have
And then like paying money
Like much of support

(57:39):
And then like maybe having
sort of
40 or 50 quid to last me a month
Do you find so I guess now we're at the point where like
Actually let's go to where you went to Blas Chamber
Because now that's that's your main night out and I'll become the tools the end

(58:02):
Um
That's your first night out we thought was going to be a really short podcast and it's next over on how already
Ah, that's fine, but like
Now it's was the end
It's your first night out
You're now
Started to like you are super say in two
Okay, and now you're thinking okay, maybe maybe the most for days back

(58:26):
That first night out did you have any sort of trepidations?
Do you have any sort of like feelings of maybe a sabre de
Or was it straight off?
Do you know what fuck it I can do this?
Let's go for it
My entire thing was
Soon as I get in there
And as soon as

(58:47):
There's like first song that I know
Because Blas Chamber is something I've been going to since I was 16 years old like on and off
So like you know I've been get so
20 years on and off
And as soon as like I was like it and I knew in my head as soon as I got in there and the first song

(59:12):
That I knew was playing
I'd be fine
Um
Once again, I don't drink
Um
I'm even if I did I had no intention of drinking like I can go out and have like one or two
And be fine and then run on water for the rest of the night
Um, I think I had coke when we got in there

(59:34):
And the rest of night I was on water
I think at one point I got given the egg of one so I did that
But like I had no intention to drink heavily anyway
But yeah, so I was very much like
And as soon as it started
Like it's always felt Blasemba is
So I have this thing I have lived in

(59:57):
I've lost six different houses and
Two different sort of counties
And even where I am now, I don't ever I've never felt like I've had a home
Like
This the place that I'm in now is the closest thing
That it felt like a home because

(01:00:20):
It
Although I live in a house share like I have my
Space
And I pay for all myself I control who can come in who could you know who can come in what it looks like
This is the closest place that I've
That I've called home apart from Blasemba

(01:00:43):
Because in Blasemba I can be
myself
I can and that's where the
True
Moff pit that it comes out
I can you know I can scream my ass off
I can shout I can head bang I can throw myself around and it's music that has kept me alive

(01:01:12):
Since I was 16 years old
And as same as what I said to you about in me shows
When I am in a crowd of people around music
and
like
The feeling of when you're when you're in a crowd a gig

(01:01:33):
And the headline band comes on there is a second
They hit the stage the whole crowd comes alive
And it gets loud and they've not played a single note they are just stepping foot on stage
And there is a single moment
Where the whole crowd energy is up

(01:01:54):
And where everybody is just waiting for that big explosion of that first song
And you know it's gonna be loud
Fight Star Wembley Arena they have this really epic
Blade Runner intro
And then they open with paint your target which starts with a massive scream and hearing
18,000 people or whatever Wembley Arena holds

(01:02:18):
All scream in unison that one big opening scream
I've booked that shit into my veins
Like that is
I never like I've said to you about the Foxes that show because we met up on the day of the fight
So I showed him we had a lunch because if I know the whole show I was like come

(01:02:38):
Come on to release tickets come on come on come and experience this with me
Even though you don't know any of the songs or you might know one of the songs come and experience it with me
And if I could live one show again it would be that show
because I
I screamed so much with the lyrics the song set list was perfect

(01:03:03):
I was crying happy tears
At many points in it
And like Blash Chamber is the is the same kind of being a little bit less because it's not an interaction from a band or whatever
but
It's the same kind of feeling
So after with the Blash Chamber that's what we

(01:03:26):
Pretty much get into the point of now
It seems like it's the
Well
I speak of that experience actually when I walked in I was so scared when I went to see lastel a few weeks back
I was so scared I was going to be late and I walked in
as they were playing pine which is the opening song and

(01:03:50):
Same feeling
Like tears in my eyes
And I could hear from you
We tried to figure we tried to figure out when we get into that
I think it was a mixture of I still didn't feel
Which is ironic because it was the night before Blash Chamber and I did I know like that was another reason I didn't want to mess up Blash Chamber

(01:04:10):
like Blash Chamber to me
Was
To starve this new chapter of healing
Yeah
Like it's a it's a logistical nightmare when you're not 100%
traveling for London it is your whole logistical nightmare like I remember
Even traveling back into London from a wrestling show

(01:04:33):
And I've never been hungover before but I must have drunk like so much and excess and
I couldn't see anything
It was bright
Even walking through London when the sun is out can kill people like yeah
Yeah, I love London London is somewhat disabled
Like I've been going to London

(01:04:56):
Like since I was 14
Um
On my own and I can never get London sadly well
Still always disorientation
Yeah
That's exactly what it does
You talk about shows about to relive right I would love to relive that show in the Crawford Arms when I first saw well last and learning me

(01:05:17):
Because it's just like
I have this really sad thing where I forget
How I
Recognize like a song how I learned about a song
I could never forget that though I can never forget but I love people to relive not knowing the songs and then when I saw in me again in December
Like you said like some of the fights start starting off with a paper target in me starts off with underdose

(01:05:42):
And it's just the perfect way of getting it all started like I
I've such a good choice for an opening song it's like yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm like, I'll great. I love it
And yeah, I know and I remember like turning to you when we were at that show
Crawford and seeing you have the biggest smile on your face
And I think I was probably like the first time we both said that we love each other as well

(01:06:05):
Yeah
I remember just like one point just grabbing you and just giving you like the biggest hug ever
Because in me have been my favorite friend since I was 16 you saw how I interact with every single member of that band they know me as friends
They know me as people you know, they've messaged me while I was in hospital

(01:06:28):
John I know the guitarist messaged me while I was in hospital
Pete the stand to is like the standing drummer who was drumming that night
Um messaged me
Like
And to me
If you have told me there's 60 that
Well, 16 that these boys would not only be able to pick you out of a crowd

(01:06:51):
But they will message you when you've had an accident
I just hope I can happen this time. I still am
They are like they are my favorite band ever and it will be the my favorite band
Today is the so they're thinking of us who they're out in the bride
I have lyrics from that album tattooed on me
And I put it up on Instagram other in my store, isn't they shared it

(01:07:13):
Right like
Like I am waiting for this new to the next tour
Because as soon as the date is announcing messaging you and figuring out which shows with them
Because I will go to
I'll be seeing that last stale tour
Obviously on that last stale tour I saw it be twice in three days

(01:07:34):
I can see them three times three times in three days
I don't care
Same set list I don't care
I will sing along just as loud and with just as much passion
Because they are my favorite band
The thing about the the accident I had the image show on

(01:07:57):
That I had an image show on that I bought
And I watered the show at the Crawford so the one you got purple logo
I got to cut sleeves off and wait for the gym
And I had an in me hoodie that I had I've had since I was 18
They have to cut both of those off and they were throwing away

(01:08:19):
And I won't ever get that in me hoodie back and that in me hoodie was like a comfort hoodie
It was really thick as well and that I'm my super
Yeah, like
That's all knowing it is
Like you lose those moments but then I guess what you gain from it is
You gain that knowledge of knowing that hey your favorite band like

(01:08:42):
knows
To reach out to you when she's going downhill
And which author I need been crazy now know how to point now we're pretty much up present day here
Um
One of the things that we've discussed is masking pain
And yeah, you are
You know top tier elite world class at masking mental pain

(01:09:05):
But then in this time
You had physical pain as well
Yeah, that sounds like a really fucking dark question
But what is harder to mask?
Physical pain or mental pain?
Well, I'm gonna ask I'm gonna answer it by asking you a question
so

(01:09:27):
When we were when I was in hospital and we were messaging
I would tell you if I was having a bad day because my leg was hurting
It wasn't until
Saturday I explained
Some of the mental pain not I go through
So see it's easier to commit a mask mental pain because I've been doing it since I was 16 years old

(01:09:52):
I have been
And this is probably something that will go into more
Next time on because I know you said the Joe wants to ask me since sir
um
Like I don't think like our conversations Saturday night

(01:10:14):
And I think it can't I think it's stunned you a little bit when I explain some of the stuff
And slightly and after we come up the phone
Like I tried
Because like I
I didn't

(01:10:34):
If you were shocked
What?
Because I think you just made some of how common about
Oh you're you're fine you know you're doing okay
And I've just went no I'm dealing with this and you just went silent
Yeah, because I never assume that

(01:10:55):
Especially you that you're doing like a okay, but I never
assume that you're doing
I know what she's going on but I never know how bad it actually is
I assume that you're like
You're like
At worst you're 4 out of 10 but most of the time you're like 5 or 6

(01:11:16):
Yeah, I never I've never
It never came to my head that you could be doing the two or three after out of 10
So after we finished
talking and I sort of laid there
Um
trying to sleep unsuccessfully I wrote a really long thread on threads

(01:11:40):
Um about some of my feelings
And I said that
essentially if you could split it into
When I'm feeling good and when I'm not feeling good
It's an 80/20 split and I'm not feeling good
Like my baseline is very much

(01:12:04):
um
I'm okay
And
And
doing a lot of this recovery time
And I said to you this as well
Um when we were talking Saturday
Through a lot of everything

(01:12:26):
I wasn't really dealing with my
Emotions and like feelings proper as well as I could have done while I was in hospital because I was so focused on
the physical
standing walking
Um
I had a role well with my sons if my son was visiting me

(01:12:48):
Um and yeah, it only happened a couple of times
And what I was doing physio
He wasn't allowed to be on the ward
So we would have to take him to go get through and call something
Because I didn't want him to be
I didn't want him to see me in pain
Which is ironic because I'm very

(01:13:08):
I've got a lot better at talking to him about
And my emotions what I'm feeling
So it was like I didn't want him to see me struggling to walk
Or struggling to stand up
Like if I knew he was if he if I knew he was coming

(01:13:28):
I'd make sure that I was like
South and trying like
Matt and smiling and
Liar chats for him like not like I like I do with him
Because I didn't want him worried
Do you feel like now
Well now you're um well you've already passed a home stretch now

(01:13:49):
It's now just a matter of continuing
I started the new chapter
Does he now see you in pain since
Yeah, well like he he you know and he will he will he let's see me in pain
Obviously in the hospital or whatever because he might have like walked into the
walked into the wall when like I'm trying to walk

(01:14:09):
And I was literally just like can somebody take him out?
But that's stop what I was doing
And so I can simply just take him out
I'll be done in a minute sort of thing
I'm taking for it like taking for a drink or could
Can you take him and can you grab me like a drink or something
Like and he obviously see me
Like when we're out and about

(01:14:33):
Like when I have him one month out and about
Um
Like Sunday like he was constantly checking I was okay
Like even I had my crutch like he was checking I was okay
He was making sure that I said I'll I just need a second
Like he just sit and chat to me like and I'd lean while I was leaning against like a lump

(01:14:53):
I was sort of a wall or something
um
So yeah like
I just didn't want him to see that initial thing because even in my head
I was still doubting whether my leg would hold up
I'm a lot more confident in my legs ability now essentially
Okay, I think we're now let the

(01:15:16):
Our own closing stretch here and before we get into recommendation station
Is there anything else that you would like to say about your general experience here?
Thank you to the NHS
Like what you guys do what you guys part with from people on wards
And what you guys do is amazing. Thank you so much

(01:15:40):
So the kind people um on the off-chance of anybody that I came in contact with is that while I was being treated
Um, thank you doing amazing service and thank you to all NHS workers
You are criminally underpaid you are criminally underappreciated
The Tories are fucking wankers and unfortunately it doesn't like the labor government's gonna do much more to help you

(01:16:02):
I fucking wish they would because without you
And without people that come across from other countries to help underpin the NHS
This country would be sparked
Well-entruely sparked
Like the food's terrible is just what it is

(01:16:26):
But the nurses and the doctors surgeons and the orders and the people that help
That's just so amazing
By the trainees like everybody
You you can all see that you give a shit, but you are so worn down by management
And how they've been treated and they held their treat in you and that because of how they're being treated by the local NHS trust

(01:16:54):
Thank you so much to anybody
Goes to work in a hospital in a mental facility in any medical profession
With the intention of treating everybody with kindness and compassion
Because some days
It might be the only kind words that they hear because the voices in that had

(01:17:16):
Attelling them
The worst possible things
Yeah
I don't know if it's a message
If anybody out has gone through or is going through or is
Potentially gonna go through this

(01:17:39):
Breathe
And it will think it will work out whatever is meant to be will be
Alex you know this about me
I am a sataness and I don't mean that I go around sacrificing goats
I have a belief that what is meant to be will be
I wasn't meant to die that day

(01:18:04):
It could have been a lot worse
I could have hit my head on the way down
I could be
In a vegetative state my son could be
No longer have his dad
To just celebrate his birthday with him
So yeah

(01:18:27):
Don't
I'm gonna just general generally see
Don't ever be afraid
Talk
Your friends about how you're feeling
Like I have a small friendship circle

(01:18:48):
But I know that every single one of them would go to war for me
And I would go to war for them
You're so good
But if you rank me and I'm on one bridge
I'm gonna jump
I'd be on the first train up there
And I'd come sit by I'd come sit with you on that bridge
I'd come sit next to you

(01:19:09):
And we chat about
We chat about Khaled Boularrou's playing the Chelsea
With the number nine on his lap
Because that's the game that mean you play the name of the run
I guess the random football again
We did it well in classic football shits
Yes, you did
But yeah, like

(01:19:30):
Don't be afraid of keeping your circle small
Because by a little friends
For bad then they bear with the friends
And my friends showed up for me
Whether it's on the end of the phone
Whether it's they were coming in to see me
Whether they were FaceTiming me
They showed up forming

(01:19:52):
Show up for your friends
If your friends with somebody
You want them to be the best version
Then that they can be
Pull them out on their bullshit
If you're a man and you've got people
You've got men and I've got to dig to the women
Pull them out

(01:20:13):
The world needs safe places
For men
And they take places for men
And they take places for women
And they need places for anybody
No matter how they identify
Because if we stop judging everybody
Based on their ethnicity

(01:20:36):
Their gender, their sexuality
Do you know what we all are?
We are all a bag of bones
Being piloted by a brain
Most of the time
Doesn't
When you're like us
Doesn't want you to be alive
So just
Free everybody

(01:20:57):
As if they're having a worst day
You know what I like about this show
Is that um
Well everything to do a city well is whatever
Is that um we have streams of consciousness at times
And it's always good to have it
Because you get to hear people's raw emotions
Like we just heard from you here
Now you're on the

(01:21:22):
The path of the new chapter
You're back into work
You're doing all this stuff
It
I think the only thing I can say is
One I'm proud of you
Because that is a lot to overcome
But also how you've overcome it
Because there's other little things we've had
That you've dealt with for what we're not really going to go into
But you've had to overcome those things as well

(01:21:44):
And they've had to overcome the social interactions
Based around your injuries
And you have to deal with
Demental the physical pain
The anguish
The uncertainty
And
What I say like you know
You're a mature person you love it
I don't think that
Most of my friends

(01:22:04):
Regardless of the age would have dealt with it
I don't want to say with a class
But it's the right word
With the composure and the class that you
You've dealt with it
So
Are you setting example
That's what you've done
You set an example for your kid
For me, for Joe
For anyone who is like
Younger
Or even older
Listen to this

(01:22:25):
Like
Oh
How can I come back from something devastating
Well there we go
You have the blueprint right there
And it's
Yeah
Before we even take the implementation
Can we
Like
Light and the brevity in about a minute
Like releasing the brevity
Of what you just said
Tell them

(01:22:46):
Or tell the listeners
The thing that you hugged me up with
What did I be up with
Without going into specifics
Oh yeah
About person
Sure
Cool
Uh
Effectively
Ryan did something incredible
Okay
And

(01:23:06):
If you are a listen to this
And you are found
Of Andrew Tate or any of those fucking dickheads
I'd like for you to
To listen to fuck up
Okay
Because I don't think he could do this
Even if you wanted to
Even if you try to force himself upon somebody
I don't think he would
I think he would
He does repeatedly
The man's up
He is
He is
If it's a right plan

(01:23:27):
Put it that way
Okay
But here's the thing
Andrew Tate and those guys
Talk a big game
Ryan here
Is the big game
Straight away
Somehow he does this
Where he is managed to
While being

(01:23:49):
Barely mobile
When a woman's hot
Like
I don't think you understand
Well
Logistically speaking
Given everything you spoke about in this episode
Of the Alex Kupicho
He still manages
To selling some dick
And

(01:24:10):
I think you understand how
Crazy that is
Angolo Canté
Under three man press levels
Of excellence
For all you, yeah
These players I've got press proven technical
Plus plus
Yeah
Like
You know that is coming in clutch
In search and destroy

(01:24:31):
In the 3v1
That is like
It's something else
I'm not saying this as a
Oh he's a womanizer
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I wouldn't call you a womanizer
But I would just say it speaks to your character
That you were able to do that
Excellent

(01:24:52):
Yeah, like
Unfortunately that didn't
Work out
To
Due to circumstances
Majority out of my control
But
I was still trying to
Be

(01:25:12):
Emotionally available for somebody
Like I said, I've been on a date that morning
I've been on a date with the person that morning
Good
Um
It's time I could just send a second date
Was it the same person
Yeah, we'd literally been on a second date that morning

(01:25:34):
She's yeah, I look at he still seals the deal
All right, with that being said I'm gonna split this up into two episodes
Um
Now it's on pace
And
It's now time for
Choo choo
Recommendation station
Yeah, we're bringing this into the Alex Cooper show
Just for this

(01:25:56):
Recommendation is for you to drink water
That is a misstep point
That is it
Where's my bottom?
Drink water, enjoy yourselves
My thoughts
And that's it
Ryan, you have a song
Yes, so I'm gonna recommend a song to you

(01:26:18):
Or I recommend that you also then go back and listen to the album
Um
This is from their new album
Um, but they also have an album
Um, and I'm just calling up the name
Sorry, please pause for this
Why you put up the name
Actually, I actually have a, I actually have another song
Um

(01:26:40):
Glad to dispute
Kings Park
That's the song for you guys to listen to
So the song I'm gonna recommend is by a band called Arms Lake
Uh, is the new single Funny Face
Which was released last week
Um, and
Arms length making amazing music
To think that makes you think about your feelings

(01:27:02):
And their, what my
Viva album by them is an album
Which is called
Um, never before seen, never again found
But it listens to album
It's incredible
But this new song Funny Face
Is a song about disconnection
And feeding lost from people

(01:27:26):
And the lyrics
I just some of the, the best writing about emotions
That are quite associated with
Um
With mental health
Um, I will also say from the album
I recommended
Overkill which is the opening track on the album
It is all a song about

(01:27:50):
Not one thing to be here anymore
And it is so
Utifully written
And the, the last
Several lyrics
Um, um, um, um
I am alone by myself
I live by myself, I won't hurt anyone

(01:28:12):
And that is not true
With, with you
Forgo warning for suicide by theology
If you
That's think that you're gonna have, you can have one person
So it can be affected by you

(01:28:36):
And alive in yourself
Oh come on, just say the word
That's the person
What, take the suicide
Yeah, like just
We've all decided
Myself and Joe that, um, we're not gonna go into the ticked offcation route
If we lose monetization because of saying the word suicide
Then that is a price we pay
But like

(01:28:58):
And alive in the right answers
Sounds awful
The one I hate is when
Um, somebody commits suicide
And they say they lost the battle with themselves
Not if fucking didn't
No, they fucking didn't
No, you did not lose that, they did not lose that battle with themselves

(01:29:22):
Because you don't know
The, the many wars that they had with themselves
So you can get to that point
And they pulled himself through every single one
They didn't lose a battle
It's all, don't fucking
Don't
Down to somebody
Who has made that ultimate decision

(01:29:44):
Don't, don't inf-in-fantilize it
Don't
Walk
Down, don't disrespect somebody
They've obviously fought until they had nothing physically and mentally left
So don't fucking, don't take that
Don't take the last

(01:30:06):
Act
Of, of war
Upon, out
And diminish it
But before you step on it
I was saying
But if you can think of one person when you get to that point
Who will be sad

(01:30:28):
And I don't mean
In a nobody will mis-me-up on gone
Way
A friend
A family member
A sibling
A child
If you can think of one person
And see that next sunrise

(01:30:50):
Because I'm not going to tell you it gets better
And it gets easier
But you found the person
That you want to, if you want to impress upon
That you want, you still want to be there
See what their life is
That's your reason for saying

(01:31:12):
Well, on that note
It is time for you to say the ending line
Don't fuck it up
So we're going to take two steps to the rear
And get out of here

(01:31:34):
We're in the wind
See ya
I'm going to the Jolai