July 9, 2024 • 34 mins
In this enlightening episode of "Smart Women Talking," join us as we delve into the everyday challenges of juggling work, family, and self-care in today’s nonstop world. We tackle the hefty societal expectations that often place women at the forefront as primary caregivers, all while managing their professional lives, and we discuss how this dual burden can significantly elevate stress levels.
Throughout our conversation, we share effective strategies to help manage these pressures. We talk about the importance of creating structured routines that enhance productivity without compromising personal time, fostering open communication within the family, and planning transitions carefully to reduce stress. But our discussion doesn't just focus on coping mechanisms; we also reveal our personal self-care rituals that keep us centered—whether it’s through meditation, journaling, or engaging in activities that soothe the soul.
Join us as we explore the reality of striving for harmony in a chaotic world, and discover actionable tips that can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Smart Women Talking, the podcast that brings you unfiltered wisdom
from women who've lived it all.
From the boardroom battles to raising families, no topic is off limits and every
conversation is a treasure trove of insights, experiences, and heartfelt stories.
I'm Barbara Zuleger and I'm here today with my co-host, Polly Meyer.
(00:21):
Thank you. So excited for this episode today.
Today we are diving into a critical and exciting topic, becoming the future you.
And we are going to explore not just envisioning our future selves,
but actively stepping into the life and identity that you aspire to.
(00:43):
And so we have a lot to unpack.
So we are going to break this down into a three-part series for you.
So for today, we're going to explore the art of excavating your future self.
And this involves some deep work, like discovering what your values are,
(01:04):
which are going to help you move forward on this path to your future self,
connecting with how you want to feel as your future self, and using those feelings
to guide you in determining what you want to have, be,
or attract into your life, your quality of life, and knowing what that means to you.
(01:26):
We're going to talk about using tools like vision boards, affirmations,
journaling about your future self, and the Be, Do, Have model.
And all of the science that ties in that supports these tools and the things
that we're going to be talking about today.
So you're going to learn all about the reticular activating system,
(01:48):
otherwise known as RAS, by the time that we are finished.
And without a doubt, you'll know that this isn't woo-woo stuff that we're talking about.
It's all based on research and evidence.
So whether you are a student, a mother, a corporate executive,
an engineer, an entrepreneur, and you're a teacher,
today's discussion is going to provide you with some deep insights,
(02:11):
some practical strategies to help you determine the life that you want and navigate
the changes and the challenges on your personal evolution.
And I love this topic today. It spans a wide range of there's deep search and
scientific evidence and uses for what we're going to talk about over these next few sessions.
(02:34):
And it's also part of our future dreams and just who do we want to become?
And let's face it, a little bit of make-believe and the play that we did as a child.
How do we bring some more of that fun into our lives while we think about what's possible for us?
Another piece that I love about this topic is whether you are,
(02:56):
we talk a lot during our different podcasts here about transitions in life and
changes and phases of life.
Everything from our daughters who are graduating college or those that have
young families to those of us that, well, we have some experience in life.
We still, all of us have a future self.
(03:19):
We can identify who we want to be, whether that's six months out or six years out or 20 years out.
Yeah, I feel like when we identify who we want to be, that is our North Star, right?
Otherwise, we just aimlessly drift on the sea. But when we have an idea of where
(03:43):
we're going, that's our North Star.
And that is going to guide us on this journey called life. Well,
and this is a topic that, you know, you and I, we work with a lot of successful
women who are running businesses, who have big careers.
And this is also a technique that we can use to improve leadership skills and
(04:05):
manage stress in a day-to-day world.
Now, we are going to be able to unpack all of that during today's segment,
but we will tap into pieces of that.
So while it is fun and it's enjoyable to look forward and say,
this is possible for me, it has a much deeper impact than that.
(04:26):
It helps us enhance decision-making skills in today's real world,
right? It helps regulate emotions.
It helps us manage conflict.
Because if we're thinking a little bit bigger picture into, this is who I want to be.
This is where I will feel like I can deliver myself the quality of life that I want.
(04:50):
Because that quality of life is different for each of us. What that means is
different for each of us.
Being able to see that big picture gives us the opportunity to make decisions
today that help us achieve that in the long run.
So where do we begin?
I would say that the bedrock for all of this personal and all of this professional
(05:13):
development, it begins first by assessing your values. You assess your values and,
before you set any goals or embark on this journey of visualization.
And, you know, you might ask, well, why do we start with our values?
Because understanding your core values is like setting your internal compass.
(05:35):
And, you know, as you, I'm going to bounce off what you just said,
when you have this compass, it guides you through life storms and it keeps you
on course towards towards that true north, right? That north star.
So knowing, personally, knowing my values has not only shaped the decisions
(05:55):
I make, but also how I make them.
And it's the difference between feeling lost in sea and navigating with this clear map.
So today, I'd like to share with our listeners how to discover their own maps.
Because it's not just about finding success, it's about achieving success that
feels right, that resonates with who you are at your core.
(06:18):
So when I work with clients, and Barb, I'm sure you do something similar,
I have them start this process with a values assessment.
And I have a values assessment that I give my clients, and I'm going to upload
it so that the listeners can access it with the show notes.
Anyone can find this assessment there and use them.
(06:42):
Now, as you begin the process of excavating, I love that word,
excavating your future self, this values list, it's a big list, right?
My clients take that list. There's like 200 values on there.
You're going to whittle that list of values down to your top five values.
(07:06):
So my clients take this list, they spend time with it, and they whittle that
list of values down to their top five values. And there's,
There are many important reasons for doing this. It helps you to align your
future self with your core beliefs.
So values are the guiding principles of our lives.
(07:28):
I think that's fair to say. They influence our decisions, our actions,
even the goals that we set for ourselves.
And by assessing our values first, this ensures that your vision and your goals
are not just desirable, but they're deeply ingrained with your core beliefs.
It makes it more likely that once you determine what your future vision is,
(07:51):
it's going to make it more likely that you're going to remain committed to achieving that vision.
Now, assessing your values also helps you to prioritize your life's direction.
So when you visualize based on your values, you focus your energy on what truly matters to you.
And once you determine the path that you want to take with your life, who you want to become,
(08:15):
what you want to attract, well, when challenges arise, as they inevitably will
because they always do, it's your underlying values that are going to fuel your drive to overcome them.
Your values create a sense of purpose in your efforts, and it enhances your
emotional resilience and your psychological resilience. Barb,
(08:35):
what are your thoughts on starting with your values?
Well, I really liked you mentioned external expectation.
And I think if somebody isn't used to doing values or culture points that we
may do for a business, those type of things, it's like, well,
if they're my values, aren't I just already driven by them?
(08:55):
Why do I have to take the time to actually identify them?
And I think the external expectations are a big piece of that.
That we are really impacted whether we realize it in the moment or not.
We are impacted by what the people around us are doing.
We are impacted by the society we live in. We are impacted by the shows we watch,
(09:16):
the podcasts we listen to.
We are impacted by all of these things because maybe one of the things we want
to be is financially successful.
There's nothing wrong with that. That's one of our things that gives us quality
of life that we want to achieve.
Well, not everybody who wants that has the same other values.
And if we start to follow someone or implement things that somebody else has
(09:42):
said, this is going to get you what you want in life.
And we realize we're having to give up other values along that path to achieve
that one value, that one result.
There are other ways to achieve that same result and hold on to our other values that matter to us.
Quality of life is personal. Our values, our studies have been done that show
(10:04):
the top, I believe it was the top six values in most developed countries are very similar.
But the order of those six are very different depending on where we live and
what we see and where we're at in life.
So I think it's really important that we are intentionally selecting how we
(10:24):
describe those values and not just the term, not just family.
But what is it about family? You know, give yourself a description.
Description, one of them that always stands out for me when my people are working
on their cultures for their businesses, we have integrity.
That's great. I love that. What does that mean to you?
(10:46):
Because it can mean something different to someone else. So being intentional
about identifying our own personal values is a much more critical step than I think we realize.
We assume, Or at least I assume we can just go through life and,
yeah, I'm going to live by my values.
We are impacted a lot more by those external expectations and external forces
(11:10):
than we realize unless we are intentional about it.
Right. And when we start setting goals without thinking about our core values,
it's almost like you're putting your ladder up against the wrong wall.
You're putting all of this time and energy and resource into achieving it.
(11:34):
And then this cognitive dissonance occurs, right?
Because there's a conflict between what you're doing and your core values. use.
That's a really important piece is that internal conflict that we don't realize.
We wonder, why can't I achieve this? Why am I not getting done what I say I want?
And this could be one of those reasons is, does it truly align with what you believe?
(11:58):
Maybe different than the values of even your family origin or,
you know, what, it's a personal choice. Very, very.
Otherwise Otherwise, you find that you're doing things for people with other
values, taking your time and your resources instead of living the life that
you are wanting to live and go for.
(12:19):
Before you rush into setting your goals or visualizing success,
take that moment to reflect on your deepest values.
For some, their values might be clear.
But for the rest of us mere humans, go ahead and download the list of values
that you can find in the show notes or just Google values assessment.
And you're going to find a ton of resources.
(12:42):
Determine what your core values are. Now, if you have difficulty whittling that
list down to five values, then choose five personal values and five professional values.
Or imagine your ideal self, right?
What values are you living in this envisioned future of yours?
(13:03):
And this can help clarify which
values should guide you in this future envisioning goal-setting process.
So once you're clear on your values, now we start thinking about who we want to be, right?
What we want to achieve, what we want to attract into our lives.
And this is where I want to say, Barb, a vision board comes in handy because
(13:27):
they are incredibly powerful.
I think vision boards can be so powerful, especially if we don't filter them
as we're creating them. What do you mean by that?
Choosing things that you're supposed to want, but do they truly fit your values?
And if you were given all of that tomorrow, would you feel like that it improved your quality of life?
(13:50):
Would that help you to be and do and have what you want to do?
And sometimes we, at least I, have filtered things because it's like, I don't need that.
That's not possible for me. So I don't even want to think that big. And I think we do...
I like the analogy of when you're climbing a mountain, right,
(14:10):
or a hill or whatever you're doing, and you can only see as far as you can see.
But the higher up you get, the more you can see.
And that's why I think vision boards need to be re-evaluated on a regular basis
and have them visual so they're kind of a working piece for you and you can add things to it.
Because as we achieve certain things in our lives, whether it's age milestones
(14:32):
because we finished college or our children have finished college or whatever that may be,
or whether we've reached certain levels in our careers so the finances are different.
We can see more things that are possible.
And that changes and expands, hopefully.
Sometimes it doesn't expand. Sometimes it focuses our vision as to what really
(14:55):
matters right now. What's going to make that impact?
If I could achieve this, if I could be this person, what does that come down
to? Either the big picture or very focused.
Either one of those can change, and when one changes, the other can change.
I feel that a vision board is a tangible representation of my goals,
(15:18):
my aspirations, my future self.
And as you know, I have held several vision board parties, and boy, are they fun.
I think it's fun because I have some great speakers like yourself come in,
but we also have a lot of line on those days as well. Well, it gets the things
moving to get us thinking differently.
(15:38):
Yes, yes, I would agree. So here's what I have to share about vision boards.
So you have your values set, you know, you know what your core values are,
you know what they mean to you, you know what they look like,
you know what they feel like, you know what they are in action.
You have a good idea of those.
Now we move on to the vision board. And when you're picking out images,
(16:00):
quotes, maybe those little keepsakes for your vision board.
It's like shopping for your dreams.
So you want each piece, each image, each quote, each affirmation,
you want each piece that you choose to spark real joy or to strike a chord for you.
(16:21):
So think of it this way. If you're flipping through the magazine,
right, or you're scrolling, you know, online, and something makes you stop,
whether it's a beautiful landscape, A powerful quote, maybe even just a color that pops for you.
And it's your heart saying, hey, look here.
Well, these are little emotional things.
(16:42):
They're little clues that you are right on track to truly capturing what you want in your life.
And I cannot stress enough how important feelings are in this moment.
And here's why. So let's say that you're envisioning your future self and you
(17:04):
want a million dollars, don't we all?
So you're envisioning, I want a million dollars, and you're about to put that on your vision board.
I would hesitate and ask you to explore the feelings beneath that desire.
Do you really want a million dollars?
Or are you really wanting the safety and the security that it brings?
(17:26):
Or is it the comfort that it provides? Or is it to fulfill your desire to help
those that you love? Right.
Maybe you don't really need to pursue the million dollars.
Instead, focus on what safety and security looks like for you and how can you
bring more of that into your life.
Right. Or how to bring more comfort into your life or discover ways of helping
(17:49):
your family that would be more meaningful rather than a million dollars. Does that make sense?
It does. I loved your term. I moved it around a little bit, but dream shopping.
Yeah. It's kind of how I see this now, the way you said that.
I hadn't thought of that before.
It is about shopping for our dreams. And there are phases in our lives where
(18:10):
we stop that because we're so focused on what's right in front of us and what we have to do.
And if we've already identified through vision boards,
through our values, through just taking that time to step into our future selves,
there's something different about getting through the day-to-day when we know
(18:31):
that future self is out there.
We know she's there. We know she's waiting for us.
She's waiting for us to make the right choices and do the things that help us
get there. They're not everything we do is the right thing, but sometimes they
are necessary experiences for us to find the right thing.
You know, you gave me goosebumps literally when you said, she's waiting for us.
(18:54):
And you encapsulated it so perfectly when you said, we get blinded by the day-to-day
things that are in our life in which it breaks our focus on what we're truly aiming for.
Yes. So, as you put your vision board together, my suggestion is to keep it fun, keep it light.
If something makes you smile, if something gets you excited,
(19:16):
or even gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling inside, go ahead and just slap it right on that board.
These feelings are like little cheerleaders just rooting for your dreams.
And then it turns your vision board into this little cheer squad,
right? It gets you pumped up every time you look at it.
So remember that your vision board isn't just a project. It's the board for your life.
(19:42):
I love that saying. It's the board for your life. I like that.
And if you let your feelings guide you as you pin each item,
And it's really the best way to
ensure that your board truly reflects your deepest desires, your dreams.
It's really all about creating a vibe that says, this is me and this is where I'm heading.
(20:04):
You know, I saw something recently and what I saw was talking about networking, so a business piece.
But it was about what you're doing today is meeting the people you need tomorrow.
That was the networking piece. And I think that this fits as well.
What we're doing today is helping us understand and grow into and feel what
(20:30):
it's going to be like when we are who we want to be tomorrow.
Right. And by creating and then displaying, it's so important.
You don't create it and then stick it underneath your bed or in a closet.
It needs to be up where you can see it every day. So by displaying it,
you're continually exposing your brain to these visual clues.
(20:51):
And that constant exposure helps program the, what does it program, Barb?
The reticular activating system.
We call it the RAS. And it's interesting because it is an actual physical part
of our brain, this reticular activating system.
I get a little geeky about it. There's a lot of scientific stuff behind it.
(21:12):
A lot of study goes into it. But it's the piece between our conscious brain
and our subconscious brain and our
reticular activating system's job is to determine what is important to me.
My reticular activating system's job is to determine what is important to me.
(21:33):
The challenge is it only knows what's important to me because I have claimed it as important to me.
So that's where negative thinking can build negative thinking, right?
Because if we've determined that, well, all I ever see is the bad things,
your reticular activating system doesn't know if that's good or bad,
it's going to find you more things to reinforce that thought process.
(21:55):
It's almost like Google, because we all know Google can do that when we're looking
at news articles or things like that as well, right?
Reinforce whatever you're already reading.
Because it's Google's decided that must be important to you.
Let's give you more stories like that.
When we have a vision board in front of us, your reticular activating system
sees that and says, look at these people sitting around the campfire,
(22:19):
enjoying the night outside.
That must be important to you. Let's look for opportunities to do something like that.
Let's look for opportunities to meet people that like that kind of lifestyle. style.
If you're seeing, maybe you have a picture of the Eiffel Tower,
and now you may find opportunities to travel to Paris that you hadn't noticed before.
(22:43):
Whatever it is that's on your vision board, whether it's travel or it's something
within your home or it's at Elf, maybe what you're seeing in front of you is
somebody who is 70 years old and running marathons and lifting weights.
If that's important to you, well, don't wait till you're 70,
if you can, to start that.
It could be getting a certification. You might have a certification on there.
(23:07):
You might have education on there. You might have a certain position on there.
You might have a profession on there. You might have an emotionally healthy partnership on there.
Retirement on there, And that might help you remember, all right,
no, I'm not going to go spend money on these things because every little bit
(23:29):
right now is making a difference to my being able to do that in 10 years or 20 years.
And how do you think this ties into the be times do equals have?
Well, the concept of be times do equals have, again, there's a lot of different components to that.
But and we often will look at the have first what
(23:52):
do I want to have but when we go setting or maybe we're setting you know a new
year's resolutions what do I want to have differently in a year do I want to
have you know for my health or for my business or financially and then we say
okay so what do I have to do in order to make that happen but the be is such
an important component of that.
If we can understand who do I need to be, when I have that, who will I be?
(24:18):
When I have that business that can run without me, when I have that C-suite
role that I can really influence policies or things that are important to me,
who will I be? And start to break down.
Again, this may overlap with your value. I may be more confident when I'm in that role.
(24:38):
I may be more outspoken.
I may be calmer or I may be more intentional about things. Who do I need to be.
When I've achieved those things, who will I be? And start to practice being those things now.
Again, it helps us be aware of opportunities to move in that direction.
(25:02):
It makes it easier to find those kind of like, it's almost the make-believe piece.
It's almost the pretend piece, but it becomes a part of who we are.
It's practice. It's practicing being who that future us is. I love that.
And we are going to talk more about that practicing in next week's podcast as well.
(25:27):
So, listeners, you're going to want to come back and listen to part two of this series.
You know, Barb, I would also want to add that let's not underestimate the power
of visualizations, right?
Visualization and goal setting, I mean, they are so much more than just motivational tricks.
(25:50):
Let's call it tricks. I would say strategies, actually.
But they are essential practices that focus our attention on what we want to
achieve. And there is so much research backing how globalizing helps you to achieve your goals.
And I've come across this fascinating idea multiple times, and it's,
(26:12):
our brains can't really distinguish the difference between what is real and what is imagined.
So when you consistently visualize yourself as your future self,
it creates this kind of tension within us, this cognitive dissonance,
basically, because there's this mismatch of who you are now and who you want to become.
(26:34):
And this tension isn't just uncomfortable. comfortable.
It actually programs your brain back to the reticular activation system to start
recognizing and processing information that aligns with your future aspirations,
making you more alert, like you had said before, to those opportunities that
can turn those dreams into reality.
(26:55):
And it's similar to like when you buy a new car, right?
So let's say you've just driven off the lot with this hot new red Hyundai Sonata,
and suddenly you start seeing red Hyundai Sonatas everywhere.
They were always there, but your brain just wasn't tuned in to notice them.
(27:15):
So when you adopt this future self-identity and you start acting in ways that
embody this future you, your brain shifts.
Just like you said, Barb, it begins to spot things that are aligned with this
new version of yourself, things that might have overlooked before. for.
Well, and when we talk about wanting to, like, I want to, I need to be more
(27:37):
confident so I can do that, you know, so I can do this in my career or I can
do this in a relationship or I can take that risk.
And the challenge is confidence comes from having done something and accomplished it.
Well, how then do you become confident about something you've never tried or
(27:57):
never had the opportunity to do?
Well, our future selves, I
hope, are going to be doing things we've never had the opportunity to do.
To be confident enough to do
that means putting yourself in that thought process before you're there.
One of the scientific terms I've seen for it is temporal distancing,
To me, it can be described as make-believe.
(28:21):
Pretend and practice being in that role, in that place, even in that,
you know, maybe it's even for travel, right?
Maybe you want to be a speaker on a larger stage. age. Tend.
Use that temporal distancing to practice being, how would you react in that moment?
(28:42):
Because your body feels those feelings, even if you are not really doing it.
Exactly. An easy way to start any visualization program would be to take five
minutes each morning, close your eyes, and picture your day as your future self.
(29:03):
Ask yourself, So how do you handle challenges?
How do you interact with others? And this isn't just a daydream.
It's a way to prime your brain to act in accordance with your future self throughout the day.
I'm running a business that can work without me. Might be a goal one of my clients might have.
(29:23):
That might be a goal. They may do affirmations around that.
For me, the pen and paper is a much bigger impact for me. So I could write that
out as, I have a team that fully supports my business.
I love my team that fully supports my business.
I'm excited to be working with my team that fully supports my business.
(29:45):
Whatever wording inspires me on that given day and writing that statement three times.
And then maybe it's, now my statements may change a little bit from day to day,
but the general feeling stays the same.
And I've done that. And I mean, honestly, I've done it on the back of napkins
because that's what's been available to me while I've been thinking about it.
(30:08):
But I also have my written journals that I keep track of and I write them in.
And I've gone back and looked at things and realized I've accomplished a lot
of those things without intentionally setting them as goals and saying,
I'm going to accomplish this.
But I've been able to move that direction because I've kept it top of mind.
What I like is that you infuse feelings in your affirmations.
(30:33):
I love this or I get excited about this.
So having those feelings interjected into your affirmations,
I think, is a very powerful way to have them written down as well. It is.
For me, affirmations are like little magic spells that we cast on ourselves every day. I love that.
(30:55):
They help us to believe in our potential. They help us to shape the energy that
we bring into everything that we do. and let me tell you, they are a big deal
when it comes to creating the future that you are dreaming of.
And here are a few of my personal favorites that I say to myself every single day.
I am worthy, I am enough, and I can do this.
(31:20):
I mean, it sounds simple, those three affirmations, but they are so powerful
because each time I repeat these affirmations to myself, it's like I'm building
my future self brick by brick.
They reinforce the belief that not only am I capable of achieving my goals,
but that I also deserve to reach them. And that's so powerful for me.
(31:44):
So if you imagine yourself, let's say that you're a sculptor and you're sculpting
your future self, each affirmation is like a chisel strike that shapes that statue. you.
I am worthy knocks off a chunk of self-doubt.
I am enough moves out the edges of security, right?
(32:05):
And I can do this. Well, that polishes the surface so that I can let my true
potential shine through.
So after you have assessed your goals, not your goals, your values,
now you're working on your vision board.
You know, you're determining your future self.
Sprinkle in some affirmations and
(32:26):
when you say them stand up stand up nice and tall say them out loud feel them
believe them because they're not just words they're declarations of your truth
by affirming these by making these affirmations daily you're not just hoping for a brighter future.
You're actively constructing it. And I think that's so powerful because you're
(32:50):
doing it one positive affirmation at a time.
So, Barb, just like that, we are at the end of another episode of Smart Women Talking.
And today, we dove deep into the art of crafting a vision board.
We talked about the power of affirmations, the critical role of assessing your
(33:11):
values to ensure that your dreams and your aspirations are truly aligned with your deeper truths.
We learned about the RAS.
We learned about B times do equals have, a very powerful framework.
And as we wrap up today, I'm hoping that our listeners are getting excited for
(33:33):
what's coming up next week in part two of our three-part series on creating your future self,
because we are going to explore how to effectively bridge the gap between who
we are today and who we aspire to be tomorrow.
We're going to talk about the importance of comparing today's you with the future
self, focusing on your personal journey rather than getting sidetracked by others.
(33:59):
Absolutely. I'm hoping that today's episode helps people see that it is possible.
None of us are the same person we were two years ago, five years ago, even six months ago.
And that's going to be true going forward as well. And we get to choose that.
So even if that hasn't always been the case for you, you can choose it now.
Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go? And keep in mind that somebody
(34:22):
else out there is waiting for you to become that person.
Whether it's somebody you will meet professionally or personally,
or somebody that may be influenced by you that you never meet,
that person will make a difference to others.
So until then keep visualizing
keep affirming and keep aligning your actions with your core values you've got
(34:45):
this and we are right here cheering you on every step of the way smart women
talking where women's wisdom doesn't whisper but it speaks boldly and unapologetically.
Welcome to Smart Women Talking, the podcast that brings you unfiltered wisdom
from women who've lived it all.
From the boardroom battles to raising families, no topic is off limits and every
conversation is a treasure trove of insights, experiences, and heartfelt stories.
I'm Barbara Zuleger and I'm here today with my co-host, Polly Meyer.
(00:21):
Thank you. So excited for this episode today.
Today we are diving into a critical and exciting topic, becoming the future you.
And we are going to explore not just envisioning our future selves,
but actively stepping into the life and identity that you aspire to.
(00:43):
And so we have a lot to unpack.
So we are going to break this down into a three-part series for you.
So for today, we're going to explore the art of excavating your future self.
And this involves some deep work, like discovering what your values are,
(01:04):
which are going to help you move forward on this path to your future self,
connecting with how you want to feel as your future self, and using those feelings
to guide you in determining what you want to have, be,
or attract into your life, your quality of life, and knowing what that means to you.
(01:26):
We're going to talk about using tools like vision boards, affirmations,
journaling about your future self, and the Be, Do, Have model.
And all of the science that ties in that supports these tools and the things
that we're going to be talking about today.
So you're going to learn all about the reticular activating system,
(01:48):
otherwise known as RAS, by the time that we are finished.
And without a doubt, you'll know that this isn't woo-woo stuff that we're talking about.
It's all based on research and evidence.
So whether you are a student, a mother, a corporate executive,
an engineer, an entrepreneur, and you're a teacher,
today's discussion is going to provide you with some deep insights,
(02:11):
some practical strategies to help you determine the life that you want and navigate
the changes and the challenges on your personal evolution.
And I love this topic today. It spans a wide range of there's deep search and
scientific evidence and uses for what we're going to talk about over these next few sessions.
(02:34):
And it's also part of our future dreams and just who do we want to become?
And let's face it, a little bit of make-believe and the play that we did as a child.
How do we bring some more of that fun into our lives while we think about what's possible for us?
Another piece that I love about this topic is whether you are,
(02:56):
we talk a lot during our different podcasts here about transitions in life and
changes and phases of life.
Everything from our daughters who are graduating college or those that have
young families to those of us that, well, we have some experience in life.
We still, all of us have a future self.
(03:19):
We can identify who we want to be, whether that's six months out or six years out or 20 years out.
Yeah, I feel like when we identify who we want to be, that is our North Star, right?
Otherwise, we just aimlessly drift on the sea. But when we have an idea of where
(03:43):
we're going, that's our North Star.
And that is going to guide us on this journey called life. Well,
and this is a topic that, you know, you and I, we work with a lot of successful
women who are running businesses, who have big careers.
And this is also a technique that we can use to improve leadership skills and
(04:05):
manage stress in a day-to-day world.
Now, we are going to be able to unpack all of that during today's segment,
but we will tap into pieces of that.
So while it is fun and it's enjoyable to look forward and say,
this is possible for me, it has a much deeper impact than that.
(04:26):
It helps us enhance decision-making skills in today's real world,
right? It helps regulate emotions.
It helps us manage conflict.
Because if we're thinking a little bit bigger picture into, this is who I want to be.
This is where I will feel like I can deliver myself the quality of life that I want.
(04:50):
Because that quality of life is different for each of us. What that means is
different for each of us.
Being able to see that big picture gives us the opportunity to make decisions
today that help us achieve that in the long run.
So where do we begin?
I would say that the bedrock for all of this personal and all of this professional
(05:13):
development, it begins first by assessing your values. You assess your values and,
before you set any goals or embark on this journey of visualization.
And, you know, you might ask, well, why do we start with our values?
Because understanding your core values is like setting your internal compass.
(05:35):
And, you know, as you, I'm going to bounce off what you just said,
when you have this compass, it guides you through life storms and it keeps you
on course towards towards that true north, right? That north star.
So knowing, personally, knowing my values has not only shaped the decisions
(05:55):
I make, but also how I make them.
And it's the difference between feeling lost in sea and navigating with this clear map.
So today, I'd like to share with our listeners how to discover their own maps.
Because it's not just about finding success, it's about achieving success that
feels right, that resonates with who you are at your core.
(06:18):
So when I work with clients, and Barb, I'm sure you do something similar,
I have them start this process with a values assessment.
And I have a values assessment that I give my clients, and I'm going to upload
it so that the listeners can access it with the show notes.
Anyone can find this assessment there and use them.
(06:42):
Now, as you begin the process of excavating, I love that word,
excavating your future self, this values list, it's a big list, right?
My clients take that list. There's like 200 values on there.
You're going to whittle that list of values down to your top five values.
(07:06):
So my clients take this list, they spend time with it, and they whittle that
list of values down to their top five values. And there's,
There are many important reasons for doing this. It helps you to align your
future self with your core beliefs.
So values are the guiding principles of our lives.
(07:28):
I think that's fair to say. They influence our decisions, our actions,
even the goals that we set for ourselves.
And by assessing our values first, this ensures that your vision and your goals
are not just desirable, but they're deeply ingrained with your core beliefs.
It makes it more likely that once you determine what your future vision is,
(07:51):
it's going to make it more likely that you're going to remain committed to achieving that vision.
Now, assessing your values also helps you to prioritize your life's direction.
So when you visualize based on your values, you focus your energy on what truly matters to you.
And once you determine the path that you want to take with your life, who you want to become,
(08:15):
what you want to attract, well, when challenges arise, as they inevitably will
because they always do, it's your underlying values that are going to fuel your drive to overcome them.
Your values create a sense of purpose in your efforts, and it enhances your
emotional resilience and your psychological resilience. Barb,
(08:35):
what are your thoughts on starting with your values?
Well, I really liked you mentioned external expectation.
And I think if somebody isn't used to doing values or culture points that we
may do for a business, those type of things, it's like, well,
if they're my values, aren't I just already driven by them?
(08:55):
Why do I have to take the time to actually identify them?
And I think the external expectations are a big piece of that.
That we are really impacted whether we realize it in the moment or not.
We are impacted by what the people around us are doing.
We are impacted by the society we live in. We are impacted by the shows we watch,
(09:16):
the podcasts we listen to.
We are impacted by all of these things because maybe one of the things we want
to be is financially successful.
There's nothing wrong with that. That's one of our things that gives us quality
of life that we want to achieve.
Well, not everybody who wants that has the same other values.
And if we start to follow someone or implement things that somebody else has
(09:42):
said, this is going to get you what you want in life.
And we realize we're having to give up other values along that path to achieve
that one value, that one result.
There are other ways to achieve that same result and hold on to our other values that matter to us.
Quality of life is personal. Our values, our studies have been done that show
(10:04):
the top, I believe it was the top six values in most developed countries are very similar.
But the order of those six are very different depending on where we live and
what we see and where we're at in life.
So I think it's really important that we are intentionally selecting how we
(10:24):
describe those values and not just the term, not just family.
But what is it about family? You know, give yourself a description.
Description, one of them that always stands out for me when my people are working
on their cultures for their businesses, we have integrity.
That's great. I love that. What does that mean to you?
(10:46):
Because it can mean something different to someone else. So being intentional
about identifying our own personal values is a much more critical step than I think we realize.
We assume, Or at least I assume we can just go through life and,
yeah, I'm going to live by my values.
We are impacted a lot more by those external expectations and external forces
(11:10):
than we realize unless we are intentional about it.
Right. And when we start setting goals without thinking about our core values,
it's almost like you're putting your ladder up against the wrong wall.
You're putting all of this time and energy and resource into achieving it.
(11:34):
And then this cognitive dissonance occurs, right?
Because there's a conflict between what you're doing and your core values. use.
That's a really important piece is that internal conflict that we don't realize.
We wonder, why can't I achieve this? Why am I not getting done what I say I want?
And this could be one of those reasons is, does it truly align with what you believe?
(11:58):
Maybe different than the values of even your family origin or,
you know, what, it's a personal choice. Very, very.
Otherwise Otherwise, you find that you're doing things for people with other
values, taking your time and your resources instead of living the life that
you are wanting to live and go for.
(12:19):
Before you rush into setting your goals or visualizing success,
take that moment to reflect on your deepest values.
For some, their values might be clear.
But for the rest of us mere humans, go ahead and download the list of values
that you can find in the show notes or just Google values assessment.
And you're going to find a ton of resources.
(12:42):
Determine what your core values are. Now, if you have difficulty whittling that
list down to five values, then choose five personal values and five professional values.
Or imagine your ideal self, right?
What values are you living in this envisioned future of yours?
(13:03):
And this can help clarify which
values should guide you in this future envisioning goal-setting process.
So once you're clear on your values, now we start thinking about who we want to be, right?
What we want to achieve, what we want to attract into our lives.
And this is where I want to say, Barb, a vision board comes in handy because
(13:27):
they are incredibly powerful.
I think vision boards can be so powerful, especially if we don't filter them
as we're creating them. What do you mean by that?
Choosing things that you're supposed to want, but do they truly fit your values?
And if you were given all of that tomorrow, would you feel like that it improved your quality of life?
(13:50):
Would that help you to be and do and have what you want to do?
And sometimes we, at least I, have filtered things because it's like, I don't need that.
That's not possible for me. So I don't even want to think that big. And I think we do...
I like the analogy of when you're climbing a mountain, right,
(14:10):
or a hill or whatever you're doing, and you can only see as far as you can see.
But the higher up you get, the more you can see.
And that's why I think vision boards need to be re-evaluated on a regular basis
and have them visual so they're kind of a working piece for you and you can add things to it.
Because as we achieve certain things in our lives, whether it's age milestones
(14:32):
because we finished college or our children have finished college or whatever that may be,
or whether we've reached certain levels in our careers so the finances are different.
We can see more things that are possible.
And that changes and expands, hopefully.
Sometimes it doesn't expand. Sometimes it focuses our vision as to what really
(14:55):
matters right now. What's going to make that impact?
If I could achieve this, if I could be this person, what does that come down
to? Either the big picture or very focused.
Either one of those can change, and when one changes, the other can change.
I feel that a vision board is a tangible representation of my goals,
(15:18):
my aspirations, my future self.
And as you know, I have held several vision board parties, and boy, are they fun.
I think it's fun because I have some great speakers like yourself come in,
but we also have a lot of line on those days as well. Well, it gets the things
moving to get us thinking differently.
(15:38):
Yes, yes, I would agree. So here's what I have to share about vision boards.
So you have your values set, you know, you know what your core values are,
you know what they mean to you, you know what they look like,
you know what they feel like, you know what they are in action.
You have a good idea of those.
Now we move on to the vision board. And when you're picking out images,
(16:00):
quotes, maybe those little keepsakes for your vision board.
It's like shopping for your dreams.
So you want each piece, each image, each quote, each affirmation,
you want each piece that you choose to spark real joy or to strike a chord for you.
(16:21):
So think of it this way. If you're flipping through the magazine,
right, or you're scrolling, you know, online, and something makes you stop,
whether it's a beautiful landscape, A powerful quote, maybe even just a color that pops for you.
And it's your heart saying, hey, look here.
Well, these are little emotional things.
(16:42):
They're little clues that you are right on track to truly capturing what you want in your life.
And I cannot stress enough how important feelings are in this moment.
And here's why. So let's say that you're envisioning your future self and you
(17:04):
want a million dollars, don't we all?
So you're envisioning, I want a million dollars, and you're about to put that on your vision board.
I would hesitate and ask you to explore the feelings beneath that desire.
Do you really want a million dollars?
Or are you really wanting the safety and the security that it brings?
(17:26):
Or is it the comfort that it provides? Or is it to fulfill your desire to help
those that you love? Right.
Maybe you don't really need to pursue the million dollars.
Instead, focus on what safety and security looks like for you and how can you
bring more of that into your life.
Right. Or how to bring more comfort into your life or discover ways of helping
(17:49):
your family that would be more meaningful rather than a million dollars. Does that make sense?
It does. I loved your term. I moved it around a little bit, but dream shopping.
Yeah. It's kind of how I see this now, the way you said that.
I hadn't thought of that before.
It is about shopping for our dreams. And there are phases in our lives where
(18:10):
we stop that because we're so focused on what's right in front of us and what we have to do.
And if we've already identified through vision boards,
through our values, through just taking that time to step into our future selves,
there's something different about getting through the day-to-day when we know
(18:31):
that future self is out there.
We know she's there. We know she's waiting for us.
She's waiting for us to make the right choices and do the things that help us
get there. They're not everything we do is the right thing, but sometimes they
are necessary experiences for us to find the right thing.
You know, you gave me goosebumps literally when you said, she's waiting for us.
(18:54):
And you encapsulated it so perfectly when you said, we get blinded by the day-to-day
things that are in our life in which it breaks our focus on what we're truly aiming for.
Yes. So, as you put your vision board together, my suggestion is to keep it fun, keep it light.
If something makes you smile, if something gets you excited,
(19:16):
or even gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling inside, go ahead and just slap it right on that board.
These feelings are like little cheerleaders just rooting for your dreams.
And then it turns your vision board into this little cheer squad,
right? It gets you pumped up every time you look at it.
So remember that your vision board isn't just a project. It's the board for your life.
(19:42):
I love that saying. It's the board for your life. I like that.
And if you let your feelings guide you as you pin each item,
And it's really the best way to
ensure that your board truly reflects your deepest desires, your dreams.
It's really all about creating a vibe that says, this is me and this is where I'm heading.
(20:04):
You know, I saw something recently and what I saw was talking about networking, so a business piece.
But it was about what you're doing today is meeting the people you need tomorrow.
That was the networking piece. And I think that this fits as well.
What we're doing today is helping us understand and grow into and feel what
(20:30):
it's going to be like when we are who we want to be tomorrow.
Right. And by creating and then displaying, it's so important.
You don't create it and then stick it underneath your bed or in a closet.
It needs to be up where you can see it every day. So by displaying it,
you're continually exposing your brain to these visual clues.
(20:51):
And that constant exposure helps program the, what does it program, Barb?
The reticular activating system.
We call it the RAS. And it's interesting because it is an actual physical part
of our brain, this reticular activating system.
I get a little geeky about it. There's a lot of scientific stuff behind it.
(21:12):
A lot of study goes into it. But it's the piece between our conscious brain
and our subconscious brain and our
reticular activating system's job is to determine what is important to me.
My reticular activating system's job is to determine what is important to me.
(21:33):
The challenge is it only knows what's important to me because I have claimed it as important to me.
So that's where negative thinking can build negative thinking, right?
Because if we've determined that, well, all I ever see is the bad things,
your reticular activating system doesn't know if that's good or bad,
it's going to find you more things to reinforce that thought process.
(21:55):
It's almost like Google, because we all know Google can do that when we're looking
at news articles or things like that as well, right?
Reinforce whatever you're already reading.
Because it's Google's decided that must be important to you.
Let's give you more stories like that.
When we have a vision board in front of us, your reticular activating system
sees that and says, look at these people sitting around the campfire,
(22:19):
enjoying the night outside.
That must be important to you. Let's look for opportunities to do something like that.
Let's look for opportunities to meet people that like that kind of lifestyle. style.
If you're seeing, maybe you have a picture of the Eiffel Tower,
and now you may find opportunities to travel to Paris that you hadn't noticed before.
(22:43):
Whatever it is that's on your vision board, whether it's travel or it's something
within your home or it's at Elf, maybe what you're seeing in front of you is
somebody who is 70 years old and running marathons and lifting weights.
If that's important to you, well, don't wait till you're 70,
if you can, to start that.
It could be getting a certification. You might have a certification on there.
(23:07):
You might have education on there. You might have a certain position on there.
You might have a profession on there. You might have an emotionally healthy partnership on there.
Retirement on there, And that might help you remember, all right,
no, I'm not going to go spend money on these things because every little bit
(23:29):
right now is making a difference to my being able to do that in 10 years or 20 years.
And how do you think this ties into the be times do equals have?
Well, the concept of be times do equals have, again, there's a lot of different components to that.
But and we often will look at the have first what
(23:52):
do I want to have but when we go setting or maybe we're setting you know a new
year's resolutions what do I want to have differently in a year do I want to
have you know for my health or for my business or financially and then we say
okay so what do I have to do in order to make that happen but the be is such
an important component of that.
If we can understand who do I need to be, when I have that, who will I be?
(24:18):
When I have that business that can run without me, when I have that C-suite
role that I can really influence policies or things that are important to me,
who will I be? And start to break down.
Again, this may overlap with your value. I may be more confident when I'm in that role.
(24:38):
I may be more outspoken.
I may be calmer or I may be more intentional about things. Who do I need to be.
When I've achieved those things, who will I be? And start to practice being those things now.
Again, it helps us be aware of opportunities to move in that direction.
(25:02):
It makes it easier to find those kind of like, it's almost the make-believe piece.
It's almost the pretend piece, but it becomes a part of who we are.
It's practice. It's practicing being who that future us is. I love that.
And we are going to talk more about that practicing in next week's podcast as well.
(25:27):
So, listeners, you're going to want to come back and listen to part two of this series.
You know, Barb, I would also want to add that let's not underestimate the power
of visualizations, right?
Visualization and goal setting, I mean, they are so much more than just motivational tricks.
(25:50):
Let's call it tricks. I would say strategies, actually.
But they are essential practices that focus our attention on what we want to
achieve. And there is so much research backing how globalizing helps you to achieve your goals.
And I've come across this fascinating idea multiple times, and it's,
(26:12):
our brains can't really distinguish the difference between what is real and what is imagined.
So when you consistently visualize yourself as your future self,
it creates this kind of tension within us, this cognitive dissonance,
basically, because there's this mismatch of who you are now and who you want to become.
(26:34):
And this tension isn't just uncomfortable. comfortable.
It actually programs your brain back to the reticular activation system to start
recognizing and processing information that aligns with your future aspirations,
making you more alert, like you had said before, to those opportunities that
can turn those dreams into reality.
(26:55):
And it's similar to like when you buy a new car, right?
So let's say you've just driven off the lot with this hot new red Hyundai Sonata,
and suddenly you start seeing red Hyundai Sonatas everywhere.
They were always there, but your brain just wasn't tuned in to notice them.
(27:15):
So when you adopt this future self-identity and you start acting in ways that
embody this future you, your brain shifts.
Just like you said, Barb, it begins to spot things that are aligned with this
new version of yourself, things that might have overlooked before. for.
Well, and when we talk about wanting to, like, I want to, I need to be more
(27:37):
confident so I can do that, you know, so I can do this in my career or I can
do this in a relationship or I can take that risk.
And the challenge is confidence comes from having done something and accomplished it.
Well, how then do you become confident about something you've never tried or
(27:57):
never had the opportunity to do?
Well, our future selves, I
hope, are going to be doing things we've never had the opportunity to do.
To be confident enough to do
that means putting yourself in that thought process before you're there.
One of the scientific terms I've seen for it is temporal distancing,
To me, it can be described as make-believe.
(28:21):
Pretend and practice being in that role, in that place, even in that,
you know, maybe it's even for travel, right?
Maybe you want to be a speaker on a larger stage. age. Tend.
Use that temporal distancing to practice being, how would you react in that moment?
(28:42):
Because your body feels those feelings, even if you are not really doing it.
Exactly. An easy way to start any visualization program would be to take five
minutes each morning, close your eyes, and picture your day as your future self.
(29:03):
Ask yourself, So how do you handle challenges?
How do you interact with others? And this isn't just a daydream.
It's a way to prime your brain to act in accordance with your future self throughout the day.
I'm running a business that can work without me. Might be a goal one of my clients might have.
(29:23):
That might be a goal. They may do affirmations around that.
For me, the pen and paper is a much bigger impact for me. So I could write that
out as, I have a team that fully supports my business.
I love my team that fully supports my business.
I'm excited to be working with my team that fully supports my business.
(29:45):
Whatever wording inspires me on that given day and writing that statement three times.
And then maybe it's, now my statements may change a little bit from day to day,
but the general feeling stays the same.
And I've done that. And I mean, honestly, I've done it on the back of napkins
because that's what's been available to me while I've been thinking about it.
(30:08):
But I also have my written journals that I keep track of and I write them in.
And I've gone back and looked at things and realized I've accomplished a lot
of those things without intentionally setting them as goals and saying,
I'm going to accomplish this.
But I've been able to move that direction because I've kept it top of mind.
What I like is that you infuse feelings in your affirmations.
(30:33):
I love this or I get excited about this.
So having those feelings interjected into your affirmations,
I think, is a very powerful way to have them written down as well. It is.
For me, affirmations are like little magic spells that we cast on ourselves every day. I love that.
(30:55):
They help us to believe in our potential. They help us to shape the energy that
we bring into everything that we do. and let me tell you, they are a big deal
when it comes to creating the future that you are dreaming of.
And here are a few of my personal favorites that I say to myself every single day.
I am worthy, I am enough, and I can do this.
(31:20):
I mean, it sounds simple, those three affirmations, but they are so powerful
because each time I repeat these affirmations to myself, it's like I'm building
my future self brick by brick.
They reinforce the belief that not only am I capable of achieving my goals,
but that I also deserve to reach them. And that's so powerful for me.
(31:44):
So if you imagine yourself, let's say that you're a sculptor and you're sculpting
your future self, each affirmation is like a chisel strike that shapes that statue. you.
I am worthy knocks off a chunk of self-doubt.
I am enough moves out the edges of security, right?
(32:05):
And I can do this. Well, that polishes the surface so that I can let my true
potential shine through.
So after you have assessed your goals, not your goals, your values,
now you're working on your vision board.
You know, you're determining your future self.
Sprinkle in some affirmations and
(32:26):
when you say them stand up stand up nice and tall say them out loud feel them
believe them because they're not just words they're declarations of your truth
by affirming these by making these affirmations daily you're not just hoping for a brighter future.
You're actively constructing it. And I think that's so powerful because you're
(32:50):
doing it one positive affirmation at a time.
So, Barb, just like that, we are at the end of another episode of Smart Women Talking.
And today, we dove deep into the art of crafting a vision board.
We talked about the power of affirmations, the critical role of assessing your
(33:11):
values to ensure that your dreams and your aspirations are truly aligned with your deeper truths.
We learned about the RAS.
We learned about B times do equals have, a very powerful framework.
And as we wrap up today, I'm hoping that our listeners are getting excited for
(33:33):
what's coming up next week in part two of our three-part series on creating your future self,
because we are going to explore how to effectively bridge the gap between who
we are today and who we aspire to be tomorrow.
We're going to talk about the importance of comparing today's you with the future
self, focusing on your personal journey rather than getting sidetracked by others.
(33:59):
Absolutely. I'm hoping that today's episode helps people see that it is possible.
None of us are the same person we were two years ago, five years ago, even six months ago.
And that's going to be true going forward as well. And we get to choose that.
So even if that hasn't always been the case for you, you can choose it now.
Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go? And keep in mind that somebody
(34:22):
else out there is waiting for you to become that person.
Whether it's somebody you will meet professionally or personally,
or somebody that may be influenced by you that you never meet,
that person will make a difference to others.
So until then keep visualizing
keep affirming and keep aligning your actions with your core values you've got
(34:45):
this and we are right here cheering you on every step of the way smart women
talking where women's wisdom doesn't whisper but it speaks boldly and unapologetically.
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