August 27, 2024 • 36 mins
In this episode of "Smiling Through the Pain," we mark the two-year anniversary of Cindy's brain injury. Maurice shares an update on Cindy's progress, their daily challenges, and the small victories that keep them moving forward. From celebrating life milestones to navigating the ups and downs of therapy and public perception, this episode offers if anything an update to their lives. Tune in to hear how the family is adapting, planning for the future, and finding joy in the midst of adversity.
Join us as we explore the profound impact of community support, the reality of public transportation for those with disabilities, and the emotional journey of caregiving. Despite the hurdles, Maurice and Cindy continue to find reasons to smile and cherish each moment with their young son, Hudson. This episode is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the importance of never giving up hope.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Welcome to another episode of Smiling Through the Pain, and it's only right
that we do an episode today because this actually marks the two-year point of
when Cindy had her first brain injury.
So we just want to catch up with Maurice and see how he's been doing.
It's been a minute since we've heard from you on the podcast. podcasts.
(00:27):
We just want to see how has life changed at all? Has Cindy improved?
Well, I think that's, yeah, it's been a minute since we last talked.
Obviously, I've been, we've been living in the thick of it every single day.
And yeah, so Cindy even brought to
my attention that today is her two-year anniversary of her brain injury.
(00:49):
That's exactly what she She called it. The anniversary.
And also a week ago was her birthday, and we just celebrated that as well.
And anniversary, birthday, whatever you call it, it's a celebration.
It's a celebration of life, to be honest.
And in the circumstances that we were faced with, trials and tribulations that
(01:09):
we've been going through, not many people get to deal with the borders of death
and live to tell about it.
And this may not have been here two years ago. She may not be able to celebrate.
And it's certainly something that I think about every day, that it has to be
special somehow, because we don't know how long or how well our loved ones will be around us.
(01:34):
She's been doing home therapy and working on walk without a device.
We've made some gains. That's good. Progressive gains. I want to say profound
or leaps and bounds gains, but they're nonetheless gains.
And that's kind of what we expected being so far deep into this.
(01:55):
How about I ask, how's her mood been?
Because it's not an easy journey, that's for sure, right? Maybe good times,
but peppered in a lot of bad times, I'm sure.
How would you describe maybe changes in her mood?
Personalities because trials and tribulations really brings out
you know sometimes the worse in people we don't
(02:16):
expect and maybe sometimes the best you know
it brought i figured it brought out you know the
best in you you know to have to deal with all this but i could but i know that
the weight on your shoulders is immense too and there's times that you probably
at your worst as well i mean is there a dynamic shift in in how you guys you
(02:38):
know deal with each other we're all we're just human.
And it's a human question that I'm asking.
And in the therapy she's engaging in right now, she gets to do more personal
outings. They come to the house.
And so it's a little bit of a difference
and a welcoming difference between her therapies in
(03:00):
the past year or so is where she had
to be an inpatient or she had to travel for
therapy and in this setup this
scenario they come to your home and try
to kind of reintegrate you to society
kind of figure out and adapt you to what life might be like because you've been
(03:21):
kind of far along the process for so long here and so these outings she gets
to do things that she She finds a priority in life where we find that we need
help with adapting or practicing.
How does that work? Does she go out with her therapist or does she go out with other patients? Yes.
(03:42):
No, it's a one-on-one measure. So the good thing about this is that she gets
more one-on-one time with therapists.
So it could be more of like one and a half hour sessions to sometimes a two
hour session. This is an outing.
So they'll come by to the house and then they'll assist her and then they will
transport her to the location that she wants to go to.
(04:03):
And then evaluate her or try to assist her and observe her and then give her
assistance and try to work on that as therapy, as figuring out,
you know, can this something you do, how do you do it safely,
critical thinking skills and stuff like that and whatnot.
And so that's kind of like what she's been doing.
And some of the things that she does is like go shopping or maybe she wants
(04:28):
to go to a grocery store or she wants, even at home, wants to learn how to go upstairs.
Grab things from the front of the house, maybe go run errands.
Well, how did those outings fare?
How did she like it? The question you asked earlier, and I'm building the setup,
is that how do we interact with each other? How do we, how does she feel?
What's her mood like, right?
(04:49):
So I think that it's a lot better in this scenario because of therapy.
She gets to do, she has more one-on-one time.
She gets to do a lot of these other activities. She gets to swim,
for instance. She has aqua therapy.
We have a community pool that she gets to go with the therapist and then they
kind of like make sure that she's in a safe space and then do therapy there
where she can be ambulatory.
(05:11):
What she can't do without a walker, she can do possibly in the water,
like certain exercises and stuff like that.
And she does take trips to this community gym that does a really great thing
for special needs people.
So she goes there and they have adaptive equipment and she gets to work out
there and stuff like that.
That's great. What I come to realize, and I guess it's been in the back of my
(05:35):
head, true, but it became more realization in Cindy's case is that,
Sometimes shaming is a real thing.
Shaming. Shaming comes in different shapes and forms.
And shaming Cindy's situation is something that I didn't think we had to deal with.
(05:57):
Stuff like when she goes to Costco and she's using her walker,
things are going to take a little bit longer. She's going to sell for checkout line.
I think this individual, this was actually an employee. Okay.
I don't like where this is going. And I think he was just being rather impatient with her.
(06:17):
Now, this is what I've been told by the therapist and the senior herself.
She felt very rushed because she's trying to do the things, you know,
she's trying to process with a screen.
The kiosk is saying, okay, now do this, now do this.
And she's trying to, and the therapist is not there to help her.
They're there to watch and observe confidence that she can do something.
She's trying to do this and she has a fanny pack. She's trying to get her credit
(06:39):
card out and she's trying to do this.
I think it's just taking a long time but there's
this for like this insult of like you know
hey what's taking you so long right and it made her feel very inferior she was
very upset you know it made her feel like she didn't belong there it made her
feel redacted she retreated and she she just made her feel like she doesn't
(07:00):
belong and she doesn't want to go out again and that was very
upsetting for me as well as for her. It was very sad to hear.
But those are the lows right there. It's like when you're disabled or you have
physical limitations or any limitations, especially the ones you can't see, right?
You know, it's hard to really live in a world that it's fast moving,
(07:24):
fast paced, and it's hard to thrive in this space.
I think I spoke about this in the previous episodes that a lot of the places
that you find that have handicapped parking.
That is probably just the minimum requirement for code, but it doesn't mean
the building is handicap-friendly or ADA-friendly.
(07:45):
So I've come upon many businesses or facilities where there's handicap parking,
but the doors don't automatically open. There's not a push button.
There's not a sliding door.
I had to help somebody not so long ago, drove by. I saw this lady in an electric
chair pull up to this business, but she couldn't figure out a way to open the
(08:08):
door and let herself in at the very same time.
Because as soon as she opened the door, the door didn't stay propped open,
right? So how did she get in?
And I stopped the car immediately, and I ran out, and I said,
you need some help, and they opened the door or something like that.
Well, that is good on you because most businesses don't have that push button.
Right, right. Right. And so that's kind of like the misnomer is there's handicapped
(08:31):
parking, but that doesn't mean that there's- It just gets you closer.
Yeah. Exactly. I even went to a Starbucks where the doors are just like that, right?
And then to get into the restrooms, it's like a double door in one of these businesses.
And I was like, wow. So I hope that whoever's listening out there,
maybe we can make it more friendly for people because obviously I'm more in
(08:55):
tune to it now and I'm fortunate that I'm still able-bodied.
But there are people like my wife and others like her that aren't and they are perfectly fine.
Otherwise, they deserve to be in this space just as we do.
They deserve to enjoy some of the perks that we get to enjoy.
Get a cup of coffee, go to the grocery store, go to even a bar if they wanted to, right?
(09:21):
And so shaming is like this kind of thing that in the community where I've learned
that it's kind of a real thing.
One of the things I've also done in the recent few weeks is that figure out
places we can go on the weekend.
In the past two or three years, I haven't really worked out.
I haven't found a time or space to do so. So I found a gym that has a kid's club.
(09:44):
And my intention was that I can go there.
And because I'm sort of like the active physical parent that can take care of
my son versus Cindy, then we can all go together.
And he can play and enjoy the kid's club.
And I can be at the gym and take care of my health and wellness and get myself
back in a better state. And then also Sydney can be there to kind of supervise
(10:08):
Hudson or work out as well, possibly.
But this got me concerned because the gym is a very judgmental place of all places.
Right. And people are working on equipment and people are sharing equipment
and got me very nervous and anxious about this whole experience of like,
will she feel let down again in places like this?
(10:30):
Cause I know, I know this, this happens. And so.
So the mood is, as we kind of approach her, I'll call it her tour here,
as she moves on to her next phase, her next journey,
which we're looking at traditional outpatient therapy in the next coming weeks,
is it going to be something to celebrate or something to be nervous about?
(10:56):
And I'll be honest, I think I'm a little bit nervous because we've been at it
two years now, and there's great gains that she's made. She's much, much more independent.
She's taking a greater role and responsibility for Hudson.
The daily life is including her. She's integrated with us in a lot of different
(11:17):
aspects in our daily living.
She helps make Hudson snacks. She helps prepare his backpacks.
She helps orders groceries to the house.
We've kind of subscribed to grocery delivery.
That's one of the adaptive ways that she's able to do some of this stuff versus
physically driving out and going to the store. It's kind of ebbs and flows.
(11:39):
She can't go down the steep driveway that we have, and that's why she shies about it.
Taking out the trash, she has to rely on somebody else. Pick up mail,
she has to rely on somebody else.
The high points are that we're thriving, continuing to thrive.
We're figuring out ways to adapt.
And although she hasn't figured out a way to walk off our device,
(12:02):
we still have hopes, right?
I was telling her today that we should work on some, come up with some therapy exercises
to kind of like aggressively learn how to stand up with our device and pick
up things with our device and move forward with our device.
And I think we had a conversation back and forth where they say,
(12:23):
can't do this, can't do this, or not able to do this and this and this.
And at a certain point, I looked at her and said, people said that you want to come back from this.
People said that you wouldn't survive this. People said that your chances of
being here were slim to none.
You can't rely on someone's words, especially textbook, to say what you can and cannot do.
(12:50):
And this is for everybody out there, is that as soon as you fall into,
you fall prey to that thinking, you've already put yourself in a box. That box is closed.
To be exceptional, you have to do exceptional things. You have to think outside
of the box. And that's hope, right?
And I was trying to still build this inside of her. I felt like things have
(13:13):
been doing good for her, but then she's sort of kind of resigned to this because
we've been in it for so long that this is how my life is.
And I wanted to continue to push her because you cannot accept the status quo is almost defeat to me.
You can think of it differently, but I feel like you need to think that this
(13:35):
isn't the end. Don't think inside the box.
There's other things we can do, and I don't really care what anyone has to say,
because as the Olympics are going on, I even use this analogy.
I bet you there are a lot of competitors out there, a lot of them,
that there's naysayers that said they can never do this.
If they were like everybody else and succumbed to all these naysayers,
(14:02):
they would not be where they are today. day. I want you to get the gold.
You deserve, you're being challenged here.
And so it's a difficult challenge for me because I have my frustrations,
but I also have to remember that I'm her biggest and greatest supporter.
I have to remember that I need to be by her side.
(14:22):
And this is literally what I told her today. It's like, please don't put yourself in the box.
You've done so much and the box just the box doesn't you know the box doesn't get smaller,
you can break out of this box just think out of size outside of the box because
as soon as you put yourself in the box you've already lost because you you can't
(14:45):
go outside of the box how did she respond to that.
I think she just took it in strides. I think at the beginning of the conversation,
she was just kind of like, but, but, but.
And I was just telling her, you know, this is my thoughts.
And I used, as I told her, you know, and I'm pretty sure it's kind of sunk in
a little bit, like the doctor said otherwise about you. You know this.
(15:09):
Our family knows this. And we made the right decisions because you're here with
us today and you're thriving much more than we imagined.
If that isn't proof enough for you that nobody knows what you're capable of,
then I don't know what will prove that case.
So yeah, I think that that's where we're at. We're looking towards the next
(15:31):
journey and there's things that she can do now and there's things that she still cannot do.
Trying to keep the faith, trying to keep the strength, trying to keep moving
forward. I just got sick yesterday.
I didn't have anybody here at the time and all I wanted to do was just roll
to a corner and just sleep.
But when I'm out of the picture, it kind of comes to sort of a halt a little
(15:54):
bit. And so that's why it's been challenging.
Is that because Hudson is attached to you? I think yes.
And I think also it's just his age, right? You know, when, you know,
probably when- Yeah, that's pretty much what I mean. It's age.
It's that age where he, what's familiar and what, you know, where he gets most
of his support from, that's who he's going to go to, right?
(16:17):
Well, not only that. I think that, like, what I mean by his age is,
like, there's certain things he can't do yet, right? Like, he can't shower himself yet, right?
Who's going to shower him? Well, if I can't shower him, can Cindy do it? Not completely yet.
So that's why I have to be there because she lacks the ability to stand.
You know, she needs a device, right? So she can't pick him up.
(16:37):
Right. Right? So there's...
He can't do that. Whether he goes... Even went to Cindy...
Cindy couldn't do it right because she can't she doesn't have the stability
or free hands to be able to do that and take care
of herself safely yeah so like changing
diapers she can change his diapers but can she do it you know if he runs away
(17:00):
he squirms away she can't run and pull him back it's a physical limitation right
so when i'm out of the picture he can he does that with me so he's going to
do with cindy and she can't pull him back reel him back or enforce things physically.
Right thinks of me as a sport but there's things that he cannot do and someone
has to have the physical ability to do that and some of that time that that's
(17:24):
not cindy that's me and when i'm sick,
i just got to do it you know so if i if i'm sneezing every single minute i still
got to do it If I'm coughing, I have a scratchy, my throat's on fire,
I still got to do it. I still got to get myself up. I only have one hour of sleep.
Still got to get myself up because I've got to be physically picking him up,
(17:45):
putting him on that chair, car seat, driving him to the, I can't call him sick
from work and then not take him, right?
Because who's going to take care of him while I'm kind of like really in bed?
I've got to take him to some childcare center.
So these are the challenges that I'm reminded about when I go down.
And so we're trying to figure out a way, adaptive way to take care of that and do that.
(18:08):
Recently, Cindy just kind of got evaluated at public transit system here and
to get to see if she could be approved for door-to-door public transport service.
And I think she's been approved. So I'm a little bit nervous about that because
most people that have been transporting her before, prior, have been from a
clinic or facility to a rehab center.
(18:29):
And here she's employing the services of a transit system, public transit system to go to places.
Because, you know, here where we are, it's not easily accessible to just kind
of like walk out and hit a bus, right?
You know, there's a bus stop right here, bus stop. No, no, you got to have a car where we live.
(18:49):
And so this transit system comes to your door, and hopefully they'll be able
to kind of go to your door, walk up to your door and help assist Cindy down,
take her to her location.
And then she has to be more independent, be able to figure it out and employ
the service. They come pick me up, almost like an Uber. Okay,
I'm done shopping or whatever.
So there's a lot of logistics, like where does she put her groceries?
(19:11):
Where does she have and where does she wait for the car?
And this transit system doesn't wait but five minutes. If you're not out you're not there.
They're gone We learned that from trial dry runs and so i'm a little bit nervous about that, but,
It is something in our back pocket just in case, because in case of an emergency
or she's trying to figure out a way until she can learn how to drive and walk
(19:34):
again, how she can get and go to certain places.
Because there might be an emergency and she needs to go see Hudson from daycare,
or I might be in the emergent call and I might need her or something like that by my side.
So there's all these logistics that plays out and we have to figure out a way
(19:54):
to adapt or find alternative means.
Soon it should be outpatient therapy and that they do not pick you up.
They do not come to your house.
That requires you to go there. And I don't think I have the flexibility or ability
to take her since I'm kind of like the single working parent right now. I have to work.
So hopefully this public transit system is trustworthy and we can rely on it.
(20:18):
So she has to become more independent.
So I'm kind of anxious and nervous about it.
Any of us would be. I mean, just hearing that it's public transportation,
I mean, gives us pause in general, even if we're dealing with a person that
is not, you know, disabled.
Just regular people taking public transportation, right? That's a horror story there.
(20:39):
But hopefully Hopefully it all goes well. And I guess she's going to be really
counting on the actual driver of that public transportation to be humane, be a human being, right?
Towards her and help her and get her to where she needs to be.
You know, she needs looking out for.
And hopefully there's some kind souls every single time to do that for her.
(21:01):
This is how our lives have changed so much.
My goal in life now is just to kind of educate or make people more self-aware
that there There are people out there that have disabilities that you can and cannot see.
And you have to be careful about judging them because, you know,
they've been through a lot.
Like Cindy's been through hell and back. Remember that she's a completely high-functioning
(21:24):
individual with a career.
And she's also a mother.
She moved away from her hometown.
She created a life, got married. She did all these things and she was a manager of many employees.
That to suffering a brain injury and altering the path to being shamed,
(21:50):
making her feel like she didn't belong.
That's just disheartening to see that flip a coin that changes.
And now having to rely on...
You know, others more or less. Like, hey, you know, I need to do a return. Can you take me?
All these asks, I'm sure it's not what she wants to do.
(22:13):
She wants to get a passport for Hudson and she has to get these applications, some of that.
And she even asked me, can you go grab, can you grab the checkbook? It's too high for me.
And can you take us to the post office because they need us in person and stuff like that.
I don't have a lot of time because I'm already spread thin And yet I have to
figure out a way to do this. So it's difficult sometimes.
(22:36):
And I think that's the things that people don't see. It's the internal stuff.
It's the logistic stuff that makes it a lot harder at times.
Because, you know, I'm sitting here and I put Hudson to bed.
And, you know, Cindy's not feeling well. So she's in bed. And I'm not feeling
well right now as well because I got sick yesterday.
But today's her anniversary. Her birthday just passed. And I was like,
(22:58):
you know, I want to put something out there for her so she can remember that
I made an episode for her to listen to because she enjoys this podcast.
Okay, then, you know, that's a good time to pivot, you know,
like from, I guess you could say the darker side of the podcast and let's add a little light to it.
(23:19):
I mean, how have you guys been enjoying life in general? I mean,
maybe it's just as something simple as sitting at a table and laughing, you know?
I think being a mother and being a parent brings joy because her being alive today,
witnessing Hudson uncanny remarks or his, as he's growing and saying the funniest
(23:44):
things and doing the funnest things and making the cutest things,
those moments are irreplaceable.
It's reminders that it's good to be alive.
Here to witness and laugh exactly he brings a lot of joy to
us he laughed makes us laugh like i think today
what was it he i i was
trying to figure out a way that we could
(24:06):
do things as a family and not kind of separate times like hudson needs to sleep
then i could do my chores so i was trying to include in my chores so i started
to you know took the broom say give me the broom and let Let me start sweeping
in his own way with the broom being as tall it is and how small he is.
She just laughed and just watched him from inside in the patio.
(24:29):
So those things bring joy to her. The fact that she's here to witness that,
the fact that she is contributing to his.
Him growing up, she has a factor in his behavior, in his personality,
is something that we enjoy and we appreciate.
And so that's been good for us.
(24:52):
Other things is that as he gets older, he can do more things and we can try
to do more things as a family.
So we have meals together and we've come down to a routine of how to do stuff
where Cindy knows what she needs to do and I know what I need to do.
And we kind of work together to get it all done.
That's been a little bit more smooth for us a little bit, trying to do more outings together.
(25:18):
I know she's taking a greater interest in keeping her connections with her brain
injury alumni, where she was at Day Neural.
She met a group of people and they keep each other's number.
And they have a support group among each other.
They keep each other's updates going. And so, yeah, I think in general,
(25:39):
we're trying to live our life per se again, trying to figure out,
trying to plan vacations, where we can go, what we can do.
That has some of its challenges. but one of
the things I thought might be very nice to
do is to go on a cruise because I've heard great things from cruises like Disney
(26:01):
where it's highly adaptable for disabled people and also adaptable for kids
as well like it's kind of city within its own ship so you can go gamble,
go to concerts, go have a drink and you're all in this confines so it's all
accessible So I thought that might be great to do.
(26:21):
So I think when we do go on that, that would be interesting.
You still need to bring one more person to help watch Hudson.
If you want to enjoy the amenities like gambling or whatnot,
you still need like one more. No, they have childcare centers there.
Oh, you'll leave them in the childcare?
Yeah, they have great childcare centers. Like it's like, especially the Disney ones.
I've heard great things where they have great childcare centers and people to
(26:45):
watch and care for your kids, activities for them to do and all these things that they have.
So you can be gone for a few hours and stuff like that. So they have all those things as well.
But that's not to say that we won't have support with us, because it'd be great
to also invite some friends.
So we'll see how that goes. Traveling, shantyporting, going out together,
(27:07):
especially at Hudson's age and with Sydney's physical limitations, it is still a challenge.
But you've got to have full strength to do that. And so as long as I'm,
as long as we're all healthy and able, you know, I'm able bodied and we,
we, we go out and try to do stuff.
So once a week or something like that, we try to eat out, find a place to go.
(27:28):
So it's good to have something to look forward to. And this is just for Cindy
in your new normal. Yeah. Yeah.
It's yeah. I said that cause she hates that. Yeah.
That's just for her, a little Easter egg right there. But yeah,
I think I was mentioning earlier that, oh, that's right.
She was engaging with her alumni brain injured colleagues at the several clinics that she's been at.
(27:56):
And they've kind of built a support group amongst each other because there's
no greater support than the people that know exactly what you're going through.
Yeah. And that's her friends. She called them friends, right?
And they're truly her friends because they have been through it. They know what it means.
They know the details. They know about the things that you don't even talk about
(28:18):
and the things that you do talk about.
And so, yeah, so beyond this, I've been trying to make a concerted effort to
really engage in other support groups because for myself as a caregiver,
there's support groups out there.
And for brain injury survivors, there's support groups out there because there
(28:39):
are going to be questions that we all have.
I wasn't thinking about everybody else who's been through this.
I just thought about myself and I was just trying to solutionize,
figure out solutions day in and day out, coming up with ideas and stuff like that.
But there are other people that might have great ideas about this.
So she has a support group going and I think it's also should be beneficial
(29:03):
to me to be able to also reach out to other caregivers and caretakers and say,
hey, how do you guys feel in this situation?
You know, what have you guys done and how do you guys, what's your life like now and stuff like that.
So, so yeah, we're, we're kind of getting better at this, if that's a thing.
(29:26):
It certainly isn't new to us, but it's never old for sure because every new, as Hudson grows,
as new things develop, we're faced with new challenges and new logistics that
we have to kind of creatively solve.
(29:47):
Yeah, and I have no doubt that you will solve it.
That's for sure. and one of the ideas i'm trying to figure out right now is
like how do i send you pick up packages.
Without jeopardizing jeopardizing or safety by reaching
too far out because some of the packages they put right up your four doorsteps
and then some of them they leave pretty far out right you know and as somebody
(30:10):
who is like physically limited you tend to order more things through your house
right versus going out and so there's a lot more packages but who picks it up mostly Obviously, I do,
but if I'm not there or she wants to get to it or she wants to get to it,
it's a little bit more difficult.
We have an interesting solution for packages at our house. It's very basic.
We just put a tarp on one side of the entrance, the walkway.
(30:36):
It's very similar to yours. Yours might be a little bit more narrow,
but we just put one side is just like a blanket.
People don't even notice it. And just because it's there, Amazon,
people who leave packages, they just leave it behind that curtain.
A curtain. I keep calling it a blanket, but it's a curtain.
(30:57):
So that's one way in terms of not being able to get to your packages,
you know, and then so much theft, you know, porch pirates nowadays,
it could be one solution.
Just have something for them to put and where the packages can't be seen.
It doesn't have to be a box. It just has to be something to obstruct,
you know, them seeing it from the street.
You know? Well, I think the challenge is, was that wherever the packages are
(31:20):
left is sometimes left too far out. So if that is making them want to get closer,
then that may solve that. But if they still put it far out, it's harder.
It's not the fact that it's being seen. The real problem is that she can't reach
it, and she has to step out further. Meaning she wants to get it right away?
(31:40):
Yeah, basically. I mean, where are my hands is tied, right? Get one of those robot arms.
You squeeze it, and it grabs. You never know. No, it sounds dumb,
but it might solve it if the arm is strong enough, I guess.
Sometimes the packages are heavy, right?
Yeah. So stop ordering heavy packages. I'm giving you solutions, man.
(32:01):
Yeah, like a gallon of milk, right? Yeah, you're not picking that up.
But there's things like that all the time that we're trying to figure out.
Doing out more and then watching Hudson grow up.
And then just kind of and we're still kind of transitioning and figuring out,
(32:24):
what City may want to do as far as like.
Structure in life like where does she want to spend her energy
and time because she's been spending a lot of it
in therapy exercising every single day for two
years and then there's a certain point where you want to live life now because
you've kind of replaced displaced your life with just focusing on therapy and
(32:48):
exercises and get recovery that you're missing out on life and so So we're in
the transition period of finding, okay,
well, we'll never give up on improving,
but we have to adapt and figure out ways we can do things currently.
And whatever that involves, we've got to get from point A to point B.
(33:10):
I really, really wanted to go to the East Coast or the Florida beaches this summer.
We always said before Hudson was born, or I think right before he was born or
during the pregnancy, that once he's walking,
we want to be able to hit the beach, a real beach, and run through the sand
(33:31):
and have him see the coast and everything like that.
And unfortunately, this happened.
But after a few months ago, I was like, we can still figure out a way to do this.
And then i got hit by the by the
whole bicep rupture injury i
don't know if i mentioned that episode but if i didn't i
(33:53):
few you know a few months ago i was just
helping my wife pick up as i normally
do her electric scooter from the ground to
the trunk and like any other time i would it's not terribly heavy but it's not
light you know i think it's about like 120 pounds so very heavy so this time
(34:17):
i heard three pops and i had a bicep rupture and i think there's,
I think it was the long head or the short head of the bicep tendon popped clearly off. Wow.
So that ruined our summer vacation. I was like, if I cannot lift or move stuff,
there's no way we can survive a trip.
(34:40):
And we would have to drive to Florida. That's a long drive.
It's just kind of figuring out what we can do and
trying to stay above water
trying to stay positive when things happen things
are winding down and we're just going to figure out the next phase and it'll
be very interesting to hear from cindy or hear the next update to see how what
(35:07):
new goals she's created for herself what new goals we create for ourselves what
our life looks like in this new normal phase right because truly this This will be like,
we're talking about a new normal before was probably her new normal as far as
like her physical abilities.
But the new normal is what is her daily life look like now because we're moving
(35:28):
to another phase, which is traditional outpatient therapy, which is far less therapy.
I think it's going to be like probably two to maybe three times a week at maybe two hours each time.
So it's maybe less than 10 hours of therapy.
(35:49):
So there's a lot more chunk of time. What do we want to do with that?
Where do we want to focus our energy? That actually sounds like a great place
to end the podcast because hey, if we're going to talk to Cindy again,
I'd love to join and I'll have more questions for her indeed and get her take on all this.
I already have some questions in my head already, but we'll save that for the
(36:10):
next episode of Smiling Through the Pain.
And it's sometimes nice to hear the brighter side of such a tragedy and that
you guys are moving forward, planning vacations and whatnot. It's beautiful.
It's a beautiful thing. our life is really short and
when you become parents right you become secondary citizens
to that little monster so you know it's beautiful to hear that he is making
(36:34):
you guys you know happy you know with the will to carry on for sure i'm just
happy that i'm here to continue to give updates that's great and we'll see everybody again soon.
Welcome to another episode of Smiling Through the Pain, and it's only right
that we do an episode today because this actually marks the two-year point of
when Cindy had her first brain injury.
So we just want to catch up with Maurice and see how he's been doing.
It's been a minute since we've heard from you on the podcast. podcasts.
(00:27):
We just want to see how has life changed at all? Has Cindy improved?
Well, I think that's, yeah, it's been a minute since we last talked.
Obviously, I've been, we've been living in the thick of it every single day.
And yeah, so Cindy even brought to
my attention that today is her two-year anniversary of her brain injury.
(00:49):
That's exactly what she She called it. The anniversary.
And also a week ago was her birthday, and we just celebrated that as well.
And anniversary, birthday, whatever you call it, it's a celebration.
It's a celebration of life, to be honest.
And in the circumstances that we were faced with, trials and tribulations that
(01:09):
we've been going through, not many people get to deal with the borders of death
and live to tell about it.
And this may not have been here two years ago. She may not be able to celebrate.
And it's certainly something that I think about every day, that it has to be
special somehow, because we don't know how long or how well our loved ones will be around us.
(01:34):
She's been doing home therapy and working on walk without a device.
We've made some gains. That's good. Progressive gains. I want to say profound
or leaps and bounds gains, but they're nonetheless gains.
And that's kind of what we expected being so far deep into this.
(01:55):
How about I ask, how's her mood been?
Because it's not an easy journey, that's for sure, right? Maybe good times,
but peppered in a lot of bad times, I'm sure.
How would you describe maybe changes in her mood?
Personalities because trials and tribulations really brings out
you know sometimes the worse in people we don't
(02:16):
expect and maybe sometimes the best you know
it brought i figured it brought out you know the
best in you you know to have to deal with all this but i could but i know that
the weight on your shoulders is immense too and there's times that you probably
at your worst as well i mean is there a dynamic shift in in how you guys you
(02:38):
know deal with each other we're all we're just human.
And it's a human question that I'm asking.
And in the therapy she's engaging in right now, she gets to do more personal
outings. They come to the house.
And so it's a little bit of a difference
and a welcoming difference between her therapies in
(03:00):
the past year or so is where she had
to be an inpatient or she had to travel for
therapy and in this setup this
scenario they come to your home and try
to kind of reintegrate you to society
kind of figure out and adapt you to what life might be like because you've been
(03:21):
kind of far along the process for so long here and so these outings she gets
to do things that she She finds a priority in life where we find that we need
help with adapting or practicing.
How does that work? Does she go out with her therapist or does she go out with other patients? Yes.
(03:42):
No, it's a one-on-one measure. So the good thing about this is that she gets
more one-on-one time with therapists.
So it could be more of like one and a half hour sessions to sometimes a two
hour session. This is an outing.
So they'll come by to the house and then they'll assist her and then they will
transport her to the location that she wants to go to.
(04:03):
And then evaluate her or try to assist her and observe her and then give her
assistance and try to work on that as therapy, as figuring out,
you know, can this something you do, how do you do it safely,
critical thinking skills and stuff like that and whatnot.
And so that's kind of like what she's been doing.
And some of the things that she does is like go shopping or maybe she wants
(04:28):
to go to a grocery store or she wants, even at home, wants to learn how to go upstairs.
Grab things from the front of the house, maybe go run errands.
Well, how did those outings fare?
How did she like it? The question you asked earlier, and I'm building the setup,
is that how do we interact with each other? How do we, how does she feel?
What's her mood like, right?
(04:49):
So I think that it's a lot better in this scenario because of therapy.
She gets to do, she has more one-on-one time.
She gets to do a lot of these other activities. She gets to swim,
for instance. She has aqua therapy.
We have a community pool that she gets to go with the therapist and then they
kind of like make sure that she's in a safe space and then do therapy there
where she can be ambulatory.
(05:11):
What she can't do without a walker, she can do possibly in the water,
like certain exercises and stuff like that.
And she does take trips to this community gym that does a really great thing
for special needs people.
So she goes there and they have adaptive equipment and she gets to work out
there and stuff like that.
That's great. What I come to realize, and I guess it's been in the back of my
(05:35):
head, true, but it became more realization in Cindy's case is that,
Sometimes shaming is a real thing.
Shaming. Shaming comes in different shapes and forms.
And shaming Cindy's situation is something that I didn't think we had to deal with.
(05:57):
Stuff like when she goes to Costco and she's using her walker,
things are going to take a little bit longer. She's going to sell for checkout line.
I think this individual, this was actually an employee. Okay.
I don't like where this is going. And I think he was just being rather impatient with her.
(06:17):
Now, this is what I've been told by the therapist and the senior herself.
She felt very rushed because she's trying to do the things, you know,
she's trying to process with a screen.
The kiosk is saying, okay, now do this, now do this.
And she's trying to, and the therapist is not there to help her.
They're there to watch and observe confidence that she can do something.
She's trying to do this and she has a fanny pack. She's trying to get her credit
(06:39):
card out and she's trying to do this.
I think it's just taking a long time but there's
this for like this insult of like you know
hey what's taking you so long right and it made her feel very inferior she was
very upset you know it made her feel like she didn't belong there it made her
feel redacted she retreated and she she just made her feel like she doesn't
(07:00):
belong and she doesn't want to go out again and that was very
upsetting for me as well as for her. It was very sad to hear.
But those are the lows right there. It's like when you're disabled or you have
physical limitations or any limitations, especially the ones you can't see, right?
You know, it's hard to really live in a world that it's fast moving,
(07:24):
fast paced, and it's hard to thrive in this space.
I think I spoke about this in the previous episodes that a lot of the places
that you find that have handicapped parking.
That is probably just the minimum requirement for code, but it doesn't mean
the building is handicap-friendly or ADA-friendly.
(07:45):
So I've come upon many businesses or facilities where there's handicap parking,
but the doors don't automatically open. There's not a push button.
There's not a sliding door.
I had to help somebody not so long ago, drove by. I saw this lady in an electric
chair pull up to this business, but she couldn't figure out a way to open the
(08:08):
door and let herself in at the very same time.
Because as soon as she opened the door, the door didn't stay propped open,
right? So how did she get in?
And I stopped the car immediately, and I ran out, and I said,
you need some help, and they opened the door or something like that.
Well, that is good on you because most businesses don't have that push button.
Right, right. Right. And so that's kind of like the misnomer is there's handicapped
(08:31):
parking, but that doesn't mean that there's- It just gets you closer.
Yeah. Exactly. I even went to a Starbucks where the doors are just like that, right?
And then to get into the restrooms, it's like a double door in one of these businesses.
And I was like, wow. So I hope that whoever's listening out there,
maybe we can make it more friendly for people because obviously I'm more in
(08:55):
tune to it now and I'm fortunate that I'm still able-bodied.
But there are people like my wife and others like her that aren't and they are perfectly fine.
Otherwise, they deserve to be in this space just as we do.
They deserve to enjoy some of the perks that we get to enjoy.
Get a cup of coffee, go to the grocery store, go to even a bar if they wanted to, right?
(09:21):
And so shaming is like this kind of thing that in the community where I've learned
that it's kind of a real thing.
One of the things I've also done in the recent few weeks is that figure out
places we can go on the weekend.
In the past two or three years, I haven't really worked out.
I haven't found a time or space to do so. So I found a gym that has a kid's club.
(09:44):
And my intention was that I can go there.
And because I'm sort of like the active physical parent that can take care of
my son versus Cindy, then we can all go together.
And he can play and enjoy the kid's club.
And I can be at the gym and take care of my health and wellness and get myself
back in a better state. And then also Sydney can be there to kind of supervise
(10:08):
Hudson or work out as well, possibly.
But this got me concerned because the gym is a very judgmental place of all places.
Right. And people are working on equipment and people are sharing equipment
and got me very nervous and anxious about this whole experience of like,
will she feel let down again in places like this?
(10:30):
Cause I know, I know this, this happens. And so.
So the mood is, as we kind of approach her, I'll call it her tour here,
as she moves on to her next phase, her next journey,
which we're looking at traditional outpatient therapy in the next coming weeks,
is it going to be something to celebrate or something to be nervous about?
(10:56):
And I'll be honest, I think I'm a little bit nervous because we've been at it
two years now, and there's great gains that she's made. She's much, much more independent.
She's taking a greater role and responsibility for Hudson.
The daily life is including her. She's integrated with us in a lot of different
(11:17):
aspects in our daily living.
She helps make Hudson snacks. She helps prepare his backpacks.
She helps orders groceries to the house.
We've kind of subscribed to grocery delivery.
That's one of the adaptive ways that she's able to do some of this stuff versus
physically driving out and going to the store. It's kind of ebbs and flows.
(11:39):
She can't go down the steep driveway that we have, and that's why she shies about it.
Taking out the trash, she has to rely on somebody else. Pick up mail,
she has to rely on somebody else.
The high points are that we're thriving, continuing to thrive.
We're figuring out ways to adapt.
And although she hasn't figured out a way to walk off our device,
(12:02):
we still have hopes, right?
I was telling her today that we should work on some, come up with some therapy exercises
to kind of like aggressively learn how to stand up with our device and pick
up things with our device and move forward with our device.
And I think we had a conversation back and forth where they say,
(12:23):
can't do this, can't do this, or not able to do this and this and this.
And at a certain point, I looked at her and said, people said that you want to come back from this.
People said that you wouldn't survive this. People said that your chances of
being here were slim to none.
You can't rely on someone's words, especially textbook, to say what you can and cannot do.
(12:50):
And this is for everybody out there, is that as soon as you fall into,
you fall prey to that thinking, you've already put yourself in a box. That box is closed.
To be exceptional, you have to do exceptional things. You have to think outside
of the box. And that's hope, right?
And I was trying to still build this inside of her. I felt like things have
(13:13):
been doing good for her, but then she's sort of kind of resigned to this because
we've been in it for so long that this is how my life is.
And I wanted to continue to push her because you cannot accept the status quo is almost defeat to me.
You can think of it differently, but I feel like you need to think that this
(13:35):
isn't the end. Don't think inside the box.
There's other things we can do, and I don't really care what anyone has to say,
because as the Olympics are going on, I even use this analogy.
I bet you there are a lot of competitors out there, a lot of them,
that there's naysayers that said they can never do this.
If they were like everybody else and succumbed to all these naysayers,
(14:02):
they would not be where they are today. day. I want you to get the gold.
You deserve, you're being challenged here.
And so it's a difficult challenge for me because I have my frustrations,
but I also have to remember that I'm her biggest and greatest supporter.
I have to remember that I need to be by her side.
(14:22):
And this is literally what I told her today. It's like, please don't put yourself in the box.
You've done so much and the box just the box doesn't you know the box doesn't get smaller,
you can break out of this box just think out of size outside of the box because
as soon as you put yourself in the box you've already lost because you you can't
(14:45):
go outside of the box how did she respond to that.
I think she just took it in strides. I think at the beginning of the conversation,
she was just kind of like, but, but, but.
And I was just telling her, you know, this is my thoughts.
And I used, as I told her, you know, and I'm pretty sure it's kind of sunk in
a little bit, like the doctor said otherwise about you. You know this.
(15:09):
Our family knows this. And we made the right decisions because you're here with
us today and you're thriving much more than we imagined.
If that isn't proof enough for you that nobody knows what you're capable of,
then I don't know what will prove that case.
So yeah, I think that that's where we're at. We're looking towards the next
(15:31):
journey and there's things that she can do now and there's things that she still cannot do.
Trying to keep the faith, trying to keep the strength, trying to keep moving
forward. I just got sick yesterday.
I didn't have anybody here at the time and all I wanted to do was just roll
to a corner and just sleep.
But when I'm out of the picture, it kind of comes to sort of a halt a little
(15:54):
bit. And so that's why it's been challenging.
Is that because Hudson is attached to you? I think yes.
And I think also it's just his age, right? You know, when, you know,
probably when- Yeah, that's pretty much what I mean. It's age.
It's that age where he, what's familiar and what, you know, where he gets most
of his support from, that's who he's going to go to, right?
(16:17):
Well, not only that. I think that, like, what I mean by his age is,
like, there's certain things he can't do yet, right? Like, he can't shower himself yet, right?
Who's going to shower him? Well, if I can't shower him, can Cindy do it? Not completely yet.
So that's why I have to be there because she lacks the ability to stand.
You know, she needs a device, right? So she can't pick him up.
(16:37):
Right. Right? So there's...
He can't do that. Whether he goes... Even went to Cindy...
Cindy couldn't do it right because she can't she doesn't have the stability
or free hands to be able to do that and take care
of herself safely yeah so like changing
diapers she can change his diapers but can she do it you know if he runs away
(17:00):
he squirms away she can't run and pull him back it's a physical limitation right
so when i'm out of the picture he can he does that with me so he's going to
do with cindy and she can't pull him back reel him back or enforce things physically.
Right thinks of me as a sport but there's things that he cannot do and someone
has to have the physical ability to do that and some of that time that that's
(17:24):
not cindy that's me and when i'm sick,
i just got to do it you know so if i if i'm sneezing every single minute i still
got to do it If I'm coughing, I have a scratchy, my throat's on fire,
I still got to do it. I still got to get myself up. I only have one hour of sleep.
Still got to get myself up because I've got to be physically picking him up,
(17:45):
putting him on that chair, car seat, driving him to the, I can't call him sick
from work and then not take him, right?
Because who's going to take care of him while I'm kind of like really in bed?
I've got to take him to some childcare center.
So these are the challenges that I'm reminded about when I go down.
And so we're trying to figure out a way, adaptive way to take care of that and do that.
(18:08):
Recently, Cindy just kind of got evaluated at public transit system here and
to get to see if she could be approved for door-to-door public transport service.
And I think she's been approved. So I'm a little bit nervous about that because
most people that have been transporting her before, prior, have been from a
clinic or facility to a rehab center.
(18:29):
And here she's employing the services of a transit system, public transit system to go to places.
Because, you know, here where we are, it's not easily accessible to just kind
of like walk out and hit a bus, right?
You know, there's a bus stop right here, bus stop. No, no, you got to have a car where we live.
(18:49):
And so this transit system comes to your door, and hopefully they'll be able
to kind of go to your door, walk up to your door and help assist Cindy down,
take her to her location.
And then she has to be more independent, be able to figure it out and employ
the service. They come pick me up, almost like an Uber. Okay,
I'm done shopping or whatever.
So there's a lot of logistics, like where does she put her groceries?
(19:11):
Where does she have and where does she wait for the car?
And this transit system doesn't wait but five minutes. If you're not out you're not there.
They're gone We learned that from trial dry runs and so i'm a little bit nervous about that, but,
It is something in our back pocket just in case, because in case of an emergency
or she's trying to figure out a way until she can learn how to drive and walk
(19:34):
again, how she can get and go to certain places.
Because there might be an emergency and she needs to go see Hudson from daycare,
or I might be in the emergent call and I might need her or something like that by my side.
So there's all these logistics that plays out and we have to figure out a way
(19:54):
to adapt or find alternative means.
Soon it should be outpatient therapy and that they do not pick you up.
They do not come to your house.
That requires you to go there. And I don't think I have the flexibility or ability
to take her since I'm kind of like the single working parent right now. I have to work.
So hopefully this public transit system is trustworthy and we can rely on it.
(20:18):
So she has to become more independent.
So I'm kind of anxious and nervous about it.
Any of us would be. I mean, just hearing that it's public transportation,
I mean, gives us pause in general, even if we're dealing with a person that
is not, you know, disabled.
Just regular people taking public transportation, right? That's a horror story there.
(20:39):
But hopefully Hopefully it all goes well. And I guess she's going to be really
counting on the actual driver of that public transportation to be humane, be a human being, right?
Towards her and help her and get her to where she needs to be.
You know, she needs looking out for.
And hopefully there's some kind souls every single time to do that for her.
(21:01):
This is how our lives have changed so much.
My goal in life now is just to kind of educate or make people more self-aware
that there There are people out there that have disabilities that you can and cannot see.
And you have to be careful about judging them because, you know,
they've been through a lot.
Like Cindy's been through hell and back. Remember that she's a completely high-functioning
(21:24):
individual with a career.
And she's also a mother.
She moved away from her hometown.
She created a life, got married. She did all these things and she was a manager of many employees.
That to suffering a brain injury and altering the path to being shamed,
(21:50):
making her feel like she didn't belong.
That's just disheartening to see that flip a coin that changes.
And now having to rely on...
You know, others more or less. Like, hey, you know, I need to do a return. Can you take me?
All these asks, I'm sure it's not what she wants to do.
(22:13):
She wants to get a passport for Hudson and she has to get these applications, some of that.
And she even asked me, can you go grab, can you grab the checkbook? It's too high for me.
And can you take us to the post office because they need us in person and stuff like that.
I don't have a lot of time because I'm already spread thin And yet I have to
figure out a way to do this. So it's difficult sometimes.
(22:36):
And I think that's the things that people don't see. It's the internal stuff.
It's the logistic stuff that makes it a lot harder at times.
Because, you know, I'm sitting here and I put Hudson to bed.
And, you know, Cindy's not feeling well. So she's in bed. And I'm not feeling
well right now as well because I got sick yesterday.
But today's her anniversary. Her birthday just passed. And I was like,
(22:58):
you know, I want to put something out there for her so she can remember that
I made an episode for her to listen to because she enjoys this podcast.
Okay, then, you know, that's a good time to pivot, you know,
like from, I guess you could say the darker side of the podcast and let's add a little light to it.
(23:19):
I mean, how have you guys been enjoying life in general? I mean,
maybe it's just as something simple as sitting at a table and laughing, you know?
I think being a mother and being a parent brings joy because her being alive today,
witnessing Hudson uncanny remarks or his, as he's growing and saying the funniest
(23:44):
things and doing the funnest things and making the cutest things,
those moments are irreplaceable.
It's reminders that it's good to be alive.
Here to witness and laugh exactly he brings a lot of joy to
us he laughed makes us laugh like i think today
what was it he i i was
trying to figure out a way that we could
(24:06):
do things as a family and not kind of separate times like hudson needs to sleep
then i could do my chores so i was trying to include in my chores so i started
to you know took the broom say give me the broom and let Let me start sweeping
in his own way with the broom being as tall it is and how small he is.
She just laughed and just watched him from inside in the patio.
(24:29):
So those things bring joy to her. The fact that she's here to witness that,
the fact that she is contributing to his.
Him growing up, she has a factor in his behavior, in his personality,
is something that we enjoy and we appreciate.
And so that's been good for us.
(24:52):
Other things is that as he gets older, he can do more things and we can try
to do more things as a family.
So we have meals together and we've come down to a routine of how to do stuff
where Cindy knows what she needs to do and I know what I need to do.
And we kind of work together to get it all done.
That's been a little bit more smooth for us a little bit, trying to do more outings together.
(25:18):
I know she's taking a greater interest in keeping her connections with her brain
injury alumni, where she was at Day Neural.
She met a group of people and they keep each other's number.
And they have a support group among each other.
They keep each other's updates going. And so, yeah, I think in general,
(25:39):
we're trying to live our life per se again, trying to figure out,
trying to plan vacations, where we can go, what we can do.
That has some of its challenges. but one of
the things I thought might be very nice to
do is to go on a cruise because I've heard great things from cruises like Disney
(26:01):
where it's highly adaptable for disabled people and also adaptable for kids
as well like it's kind of city within its own ship so you can go gamble,
go to concerts, go have a drink and you're all in this confines so it's all
accessible So I thought that might be great to do.
(26:21):
So I think when we do go on that, that would be interesting.
You still need to bring one more person to help watch Hudson.
If you want to enjoy the amenities like gambling or whatnot,
you still need like one more. No, they have childcare centers there.
Oh, you'll leave them in the childcare?
Yeah, they have great childcare centers. Like it's like, especially the Disney ones.
I've heard great things where they have great childcare centers and people to
(26:45):
watch and care for your kids, activities for them to do and all these things that they have.
So you can be gone for a few hours and stuff like that. So they have all those things as well.
But that's not to say that we won't have support with us, because it'd be great
to also invite some friends.
So we'll see how that goes. Traveling, shantyporting, going out together,
(27:07):
especially at Hudson's age and with Sydney's physical limitations, it is still a challenge.
But you've got to have full strength to do that. And so as long as I'm,
as long as we're all healthy and able, you know, I'm able bodied and we,
we, we go out and try to do stuff.
So once a week or something like that, we try to eat out, find a place to go.
(27:28):
So it's good to have something to look forward to. And this is just for Cindy
in your new normal. Yeah. Yeah.
It's yeah. I said that cause she hates that. Yeah.
That's just for her, a little Easter egg right there. But yeah,
I think I was mentioning earlier that, oh, that's right.
She was engaging with her alumni brain injured colleagues at the several clinics that she's been at.
(27:56):
And they've kind of built a support group amongst each other because there's
no greater support than the people that know exactly what you're going through.
Yeah. And that's her friends. She called them friends, right?
And they're truly her friends because they have been through it. They know what it means.
They know the details. They know about the things that you don't even talk about
(28:18):
and the things that you do talk about.
And so, yeah, so beyond this, I've been trying to make a concerted effort to
really engage in other support groups because for myself as a caregiver,
there's support groups out there.
And for brain injury survivors, there's support groups out there because there
(28:39):
are going to be questions that we all have.
I wasn't thinking about everybody else who's been through this.
I just thought about myself and I was just trying to solutionize,
figure out solutions day in and day out, coming up with ideas and stuff like that.
But there are other people that might have great ideas about this.
So she has a support group going and I think it's also should be beneficial
(29:03):
to me to be able to also reach out to other caregivers and caretakers and say,
hey, how do you guys feel in this situation?
You know, what have you guys done and how do you guys, what's your life like now and stuff like that.
So, so yeah, we're, we're kind of getting better at this, if that's a thing.
(29:26):
It certainly isn't new to us, but it's never old for sure because every new, as Hudson grows,
as new things develop, we're faced with new challenges and new logistics that
we have to kind of creatively solve.
(29:47):
Yeah, and I have no doubt that you will solve it.
That's for sure. and one of the ideas i'm trying to figure out right now is
like how do i send you pick up packages.
Without jeopardizing jeopardizing or safety by reaching
too far out because some of the packages they put right up your four doorsteps
and then some of them they leave pretty far out right you know and as somebody
(30:10):
who is like physically limited you tend to order more things through your house
right versus going out and so there's a lot more packages but who picks it up mostly Obviously, I do,
but if I'm not there or she wants to get to it or she wants to get to it,
it's a little bit more difficult.
We have an interesting solution for packages at our house. It's very basic.
We just put a tarp on one side of the entrance, the walkway.
(30:36):
It's very similar to yours. Yours might be a little bit more narrow,
but we just put one side is just like a blanket.
People don't even notice it. And just because it's there, Amazon,
people who leave packages, they just leave it behind that curtain.
A curtain. I keep calling it a blanket, but it's a curtain.
(30:57):
So that's one way in terms of not being able to get to your packages,
you know, and then so much theft, you know, porch pirates nowadays,
it could be one solution.
Just have something for them to put and where the packages can't be seen.
It doesn't have to be a box. It just has to be something to obstruct,
you know, them seeing it from the street.
You know? Well, I think the challenge is, was that wherever the packages are
(31:20):
left is sometimes left too far out. So if that is making them want to get closer,
then that may solve that. But if they still put it far out, it's harder.
It's not the fact that it's being seen. The real problem is that she can't reach
it, and she has to step out further. Meaning she wants to get it right away?
(31:40):
Yeah, basically. I mean, where are my hands is tied, right? Get one of those robot arms.
You squeeze it, and it grabs. You never know. No, it sounds dumb,
but it might solve it if the arm is strong enough, I guess.
Sometimes the packages are heavy, right?
Yeah. So stop ordering heavy packages. I'm giving you solutions, man.
(32:01):
Yeah, like a gallon of milk, right? Yeah, you're not picking that up.
But there's things like that all the time that we're trying to figure out.
Doing out more and then watching Hudson grow up.
And then just kind of and we're still kind of transitioning and figuring out,
(32:24):
what City may want to do as far as like.
Structure in life like where does she want to spend her energy
and time because she's been spending a lot of it
in therapy exercising every single day for two
years and then there's a certain point where you want to live life now because
you've kind of replaced displaced your life with just focusing on therapy and
(32:48):
exercises and get recovery that you're missing out on life and so So we're in
the transition period of finding, okay,
well, we'll never give up on improving,
but we have to adapt and figure out ways we can do things currently.
And whatever that involves, we've got to get from point A to point B.
(33:10):
I really, really wanted to go to the East Coast or the Florida beaches this summer.
We always said before Hudson was born, or I think right before he was born or
during the pregnancy, that once he's walking,
we want to be able to hit the beach, a real beach, and run through the sand
(33:31):
and have him see the coast and everything like that.
And unfortunately, this happened.
But after a few months ago, I was like, we can still figure out a way to do this.
And then i got hit by the by the
whole bicep rupture injury i
don't know if i mentioned that episode but if i didn't i
(33:53):
few you know a few months ago i was just
helping my wife pick up as i normally
do her electric scooter from the ground to
the trunk and like any other time i would it's not terribly heavy but it's not
light you know i think it's about like 120 pounds so very heavy so this time
(34:17):
i heard three pops and i had a bicep rupture and i think there's,
I think it was the long head or the short head of the bicep tendon popped clearly off. Wow.
So that ruined our summer vacation. I was like, if I cannot lift or move stuff,
there's no way we can survive a trip.
(34:40):
And we would have to drive to Florida. That's a long drive.
It's just kind of figuring out what we can do and
trying to stay above water
trying to stay positive when things happen things
are winding down and we're just going to figure out the next phase and it'll
be very interesting to hear from cindy or hear the next update to see how what
(35:07):
new goals she's created for herself what new goals we create for ourselves what
our life looks like in this new normal phase right because truly this This will be like,
we're talking about a new normal before was probably her new normal as far as
like her physical abilities.
But the new normal is what is her daily life look like now because we're moving
(35:28):
to another phase, which is traditional outpatient therapy, which is far less therapy.
I think it's going to be like probably two to maybe three times a week at maybe two hours each time.
So it's maybe less than 10 hours of therapy.
(35:49):
So there's a lot more chunk of time. What do we want to do with that?
Where do we want to focus our energy? That actually sounds like a great place
to end the podcast because hey, if we're going to talk to Cindy again,
I'd love to join and I'll have more questions for her indeed and get her take on all this.
I already have some questions in my head already, but we'll save that for the
(36:10):
next episode of Smiling Through the Pain.
And it's sometimes nice to hear the brighter side of such a tragedy and that
you guys are moving forward, planning vacations and whatnot. It's beautiful.
It's a beautiful thing. our life is really short and
when you become parents right you become secondary citizens
to that little monster so you know it's beautiful to hear that he is making
(36:34):
you guys you know happy you know with the will to carry on for sure i'm just
happy that i'm here to continue to give updates that's great and we'll see everybody again soon.
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