Why Guilt Feels So Heavy — And What to Do About It

Do you feel guilty all the time? Or worry about abandoning where, and who, you come from? You’re not alone! Guilt is one of the main emotions therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli sees adult children of immigrants struggle with. In this episode, Sahaj unpacks the idea of immigrant guilt — how it differs from everyday guilt — and offers practical tools to help you navigate its complexities. She also explains what it really means to “sit with your feelings” (yes, actually), and we hear powerful stories from listeners on emotional suppression, anger, and the conflicting cultural messages they’ve received about how to feel. Plus, Sahaj talks to Dr. Batja Mesquita, a Dutch social psychologist and author of “Between Us: How Cultures Create Emotions”, to explore how culture and language shape the way we understand and express feelings – and they’ll leave you with tips for starting these conversations in your own immigrant family. 

Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough. 

Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios.

For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast. 

Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy. 

So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms.

The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex.

This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).