July 23, 2024 • 37 mins
In this episode we explore the transformative power of identifying and living by your core values for a more fulfilled life. Core values can be described as our "north star", and play a pivotal role in living authentically and driving better decision-making in the complex and fast paced world we live in today.
Monica Browning, founder of Courage Through Coaching and experienced life and leadership coach, joins the episode to help define what core values are, why they matter and how to start the journey of identifying or redefining your core values.
The three key reflective questions to get started are:
What is most important to you?
Who are you on your best day?
What is it that you can't tolerate?
Whether you're seeking clarity in your personal life or professional endeavours, this episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to live with purpose and intention.
Once you have listened to the episode, I would love to hear how you are going with defining your values and if you have found the exercise insightful. Drop me a message on Instagram @social_enterprise_au or socialenterprise.au@gmail.com.
Links:
Monica Browning and Courage Through Coaching - https://www.couragethroughcoaching.com/
Blog on Values and list of values - https://www.couragethroughcoaching.com/post/your-clarity-compass-harnessing-your-core-values
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Social Enterprise would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of this land
where this podcast will be recorded and pay respects to the elders past and present.
We also want to celebrate the ongoing culture, connections and the storytelling
practices that is very much part of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders tradition.
(00:21):
Welcome to Social Enterprise.
Music.
(00:44):
Hello, listeners. In my very first episode, I talk about the core values that
drive me and was one of the main drivers of why I started this podcast.
For me to come to the realization of what my core values was,
was done over a period of time through self-reflection, but also working with
a coach to brainstorm and guide me to my North Star.
(01:07):
My values really guide me through making the best decisions for me without getting
caught up with the external pressure and noise.
I would say that defining my core values has been absolutely life-changing.
It not only gives me the confidence to live my life as me,
but it also determines the direction I should take in work and life,
(01:28):
but also where I should and shouldn't exert my energy, especially in the current
VUCA environment where we're operating at such intensity and pace than ever before.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it's only after I invested time and effort
into to define my own core values and purpose when I have the realization of
(01:48):
why on earth haven't I done this sooner?
Most organizations have their visions, missions, and values up on their corporate
website or displayed in the corporate office.
And when we're interviewing for a role, for example, we're trying to prepare
ourselves to fit into their corporate values.
But it makes you think, why don't we prioritize doing this for ourselves and
(02:11):
finding an organization that fits our values, not the other way around.
Some organizations also have performance appraisals where employees need to
show how they demonstrate the corporate values to meet expectations.
But do we ever do that assessment in reverse?
We should be the most important asset, so why don't we?
(02:33):
Today's episode is a gift to all my listeners.
I'm so delighted and honored to introduce the very coach that guided me to define my core values.
Monica Browning is based in Hong Kong and is a certified life and leadership
coach, and founder of Courage Through Coaching.
She brings over 20 years of corporate experience with global organisations and
(02:57):
will take us through some ideas as to how you can get started in exploring your own core values.
Mon, I'm so excited that you're joining us on the podcast today.
Before we launch into the what and how of the core values, perhaps we can start
with what exactly a life and leadership coach is and how you ended up becoming a coach
(03:18):
after working in the corporate environment for over 20 years. Yes.
Oh, Neets. Well, thank you so
much for having me. It's really such a pleasure and a delight to be here.
And yes, you know, I'll launch straight in.
So coaching, coaches, what are coaches?
I guess, you know, for many of us, we first come across coaches in the realm of sport, right? Right.
(03:44):
That was certainly my first experience.
If we take the term coach and if we identify what a coach is,
it's normally someone who helps us to get better at something.
Someone who supports us, who guides us, who gives us some instruction,
you know, particularly in the context of sport.
(04:05):
That was certainly my first sort of introduction to someone.
Sometimes they provide training, sometimes they provide correction.
But in the terms of, you know, the coaching that I do, the life coaching and
the leadership coaching, if I can just clarify a little bit for the listeners what that is.
There are different types of coaches, just like there are for sports coaches.
(04:26):
So a life coach is someone who really helps you identify what your individual
goals are, personal goals are.
And they help you to improve overall well-being, perhaps, you know,
looking at elevating some of the qualities of the areas of your life.
So, you know, life coaches really can focus on things such as career,
(04:48):
relationships, personal growth, goals, work-life balance and things like that.
So so a life coach really helps you to define what your goals are,
help you move towards that with some identified strategies, helps you to overcome
obstacles, understand what might be keeping you stuck and so on.
(05:09):
And a leadership coach, similarly.
It's someone that works with people in leadership positions,
so potentially executives, managers, entrepreneurs, to help them really develop
their leadership skills, improve their decision making,
help them with specifically some of the work that I do around communication
skills and building and effectively managing teams.
(05:34):
So leadership coaches can often focus on areas such as strategic thinking.
Conflict resolution, team building and specific areas around organizational
development and communication.
So I ended up in this world after 20 years in the corporate world where I was
(05:56):
focusing a lot on leadership development.
My background is HR, and I'd worked my way through the ranks in HR,
but ended up in the last 10 years of my corporate career, specifically working
in the area of leadership development, communication skills,
ensuring that, you know, we were really getting the best out of our employees,
understanding employee motivation,
(06:17):
engagement, ensuring that we had our talent in the right organization.
And so for me, it was sort of quite a natural fit.
You know, I always loved working with people. I'm a geek when it comes to people.
I really like to understand what is it that makes us tick?
What is it that motivates us? Why are we all different? Why?
Why do we do and why do I do the things that I do?
(06:40):
You know, and why am I different to someone else? So the fascination around
people and what was there from from the get go for me.
And it was a natural progression from my corporate career to then to develop
my skills further around the coaching and the life coaching was a natural fit
for me just in terms of where I was personally on my own journey to.
(07:04):
Great. I can definitely relate to wanting to understand what makes people tick and how to motivate them.
And I know working with you closely. One of the key things that we started
exploring right at the beginning, and I believe you do this with all of your
clients, is around the work on values.
(07:25):
So we are sort of diving into the concept of values in this episode,
but how would you define values and what exactly are they to you?
Yeah, it's it's a great question. And you're right with all of my clients,
whether they're focusing on leadership or the life coaching piece.
I start with the work around values. So what are values?
(07:46):
To answer your question, values, core values are simply, you know,
what it is that we think is most important to us.
There are over the years, a lot of work and research has been done on
values. But, you know, some people like to use different words for values.
(08:07):
So your values might be described as your North Star or your barometer of meaning or your compass.
Your values are the things that are intrinsic to you, that are unique to you,
and the things that really give you direction.
And many of us don't really do work around values.
(08:30):
You know, certainly I don't ever recall being asked when I was,
you know, at school, you know, what's most important to me.
So when I do this work, it's fundamental, regardless of who my client is,
regardless of their seniority.
It's the work that I start with by asking people the simple question,
what's most important to you?
(08:51):
And very often people ask.
Stumped because they've never been asked that question or
they've never really thought about it right in terms
of what are their priorities you know if they had to
choose what their priorities are for some people it's very clear but
for many people you know if they've never done any work on themselves
or around this it can be quite a confronting question but in a simple
(09:16):
simply pertinence to answer your question our values are what's most important
for us and and what i love about values,
you know, in one of the blogs that I've written,
you know, I really say that our core values are like our thumbprint.
They are so unique to us. So whilst, you know, we might have all heard terms
such as the value of honesty or integrity or values around family and friendship and connection,
(09:44):
we all give different weight and meaning to those things.
And so the work around values and understanding where is all of that on my priority
list or what else is on my priority list can really help to understand why we
do the things we do and what's motivating us, what's giving us direction,
(10:05):
purpose and meaning. Yeah, that's great.
I talk a lot about how I found this exercise quite life-changing and I think
it came at a time where I really needed a bit of a reset and a refocus.
I was a little bit lost in life.
I tend to be quite an ambitious person and I think I was just going through
(10:29):
the motions in that hamster wheel and then one point I just sort of felt really
lost and didn't know how to take it forward and And why am I in this hamster wheel?
So for me, you know, I talk about that it is quite transformative.
But I wonder if you can sort of help us understand, you know, why is it so important?
(10:50):
Maybe you can share some of your personal stories as well.
Yeah, thanks, Neets. So firstly, I can totally relate to that hamster wheel.
Uh and and in fact it was
because I was in that same play this
feeling of stuckness this feeling of feeling
(11:11):
a little bit lost and and rudderless you know
I use the analogy of
being on a on a on a boat without a rudder right I
was sort of navigating in an open ocean but I
wasn't sure where I was going and I'd sort of lost a
sense of purpose and meaning yes I was wasn't a corporate job
but you know I just um yeah
(11:33):
I was lacking motivation and just feeling a
bit stuck and thinking oh is this is this it um so
so um it was actually working with with a coach myself um that that helped me
to understand where I was um and um and in doing the work around values,
(11:57):
myself, I realized what I was saying was important wasn't how I was living my life.
So that contributed to my feeling of stuckness.
So you asked the question, why is this work important? Why are values so important?
(12:17):
Well, firstly and most fundamentally, our values can really help us with decision
making and getting unstuck.
And often if we're feeling stuck it's
because there's a disconnect between how we are living our lives and what we
say is most important there's a gap and for me that was fundamental in seeing
(12:43):
you know I and a personal story you know from my perspective when I did this work on values.
You know, I was saying things like my friendships, my health,
my family are important.
And then when I looked at the reality of how I was living my life,
(13:03):
I wasn't present in my connection.
I couldn't sort of wait to, I was just playing sort of lip service to them.
But the big aha moment came when I was looking at my value around health at that time.
I was saying this was important and I was doing things like exercising,
(13:25):
but there were other parts of my life that really wasn't feeling good for me. I was very overweight.
I was drinking very heavily. I wasn't looking after my body and my health in many ways.
And it was really contributing to my overall mental health, physical health
(13:47):
and emotional well-being.
And when I saw this, you know, when I was asked and when I was challenged to
say, you know, well, this is important, but actually how you live in your life
doesn't reflect how you want to, what you say is important.
But that was like the biggest challenge.
(14:07):
The biggest aha moment for me and and as a
result of that it was literally like a light bulb going on
and I made some big life
decisions around my own
health and well-being um around my nutrition around my drinking it's what actually
contributed to me um you know cutting out alcohol from my from my life and getting
(14:31):
some support around um that just you know realizing that the impact that it was having.
So, you know, it's so important because I was feeling disconnected from life.
And that can contribute often when we're feeling disconnected,
disengaged, disillusioned. It's as a result of, you know, not living a life
(14:56):
aligned with our values.
And, you know, I wasn't making very conscious choices and decisions.
I wasn't bringing the awareness into my decision making. I was just on autopilot,
as you said earlier on, you know, that treadmill.
So knowing our values, when we're really sure on what's important,
(15:18):
who we are, we can then start to make really much more conscious decisions around
the choices that we make, right?
Very, We're very much more aware. And so it just brings a whole other level
of awareness into our lives.
So feeling unstuck, making much more conscious decisions that align with what
(15:43):
we want for our lives and what we want for ourselves.
Yeah, absolutely. So you've sort of taken us through what values are and why they're important.
How does one get started in defining or even redefining their values?
Yeah, great, great question.
You know, there are so many different ways that we can do that.
(16:05):
But I normally start with a very simple question.
And that question is what's most important to you?
Right if we can all spend some
time jotting down thinking about what's most
important to us often our value
we will hear values coming out of that right um
(16:28):
another way that i do uh um mining I call it mining for values you know thinking
about um sometimes I'll ask my my clients and and I'll get people to think about
who are they on their best day right when you're having the best day of your life,
when everything is going well, who are you?
What are you doing? Who are you surrounded by?
(16:50):
What's happening in your life?
What are the activities that you're engaged in? And that again,
if we can answer those questions,
often from that, you will hear values, the things that are most important coming out from people.
(17:11):
The other question, which is kind of sort of a reverse question,
but it's often a really good one for identifying what our values are,
is asking the question, what can you not tolerate?
What makes you angry? What can't you be with?
(17:33):
And when people think about that, that and when they're able to articulate that,
and very often this is quite an easy one for people to articulate and I could see you smiling.
This this is also a great question for identifying what's important.
And I know when we were doing some some prep for this as well,
(17:57):
You know, there was an example that came up for you, and I can see the smile on your face now.
So what is it about that question that stands out for you, Neet?
Yeah, so just sort of reflecting on the couple of questions,
I think for me personally, that last question around what you can't tolerate
is the easiest, maybe because the other questions require really deep thinking.
(18:21):
And when I sort of started thinking about those questions initially,
Actually, sometimes you are very much a product of all the societal pressures around you.
So to truly authentically answer that question for yourself,
sometimes that's quite hard.
(18:41):
So it requires a bit more time, especially the question around when are you your best self?
I know that's taken me a while to sort of understand that and be able to answer
that question. But the one around can't we tolerate, I'm generally quite a calm,
easygoing person, but I have a couple of pet hates.
(19:03):
One of them is around driver etiquette. But the other one, which is probably
more related to values, is around poor customer service.
And I'm not talking about, you know, the service that you might get at a fast
food joint because you sort of expect that to be a transactional relationship or transaction.
(19:23):
But I recently went to – it was my birthday, actually, and we decided just to
go to a local pub, which was an upmarket pub.
And as you do these days, you book online, you put all your details in,
you're expected to be there on time.
They had a particular special that night, and that's what I booked for. We got there.
(19:48):
We waited more than six or seven minutes to be seated.
To the point that I got fed up that I just started walking in the restaurant
to see where the reserved tables was and got told off.
And then once we sort of sat down and that got all sorted, we got told,
oh, sorry, the special that you booked for is not available tonight.
(20:10):
And it was, I think it was more the way it was said to us.
There wasn't a lot of remorse and responsibility.
And I think what I'm noticing, especially now, in,
you know, a lot of places, Australia, but I think it's worldwide.
Everyone's going through a lot of cost of living pressures.
(20:32):
And to eat out is such a conscious decision and you expect to go for a particular experience.
And in this case, it was my birthday. So it wasn't a normal,
it wasn't meant to be a special night, but, you know, it wasn't a normal sort
of going out for dinner sort of night.
So I was very disappointed and I knew they knew it was my birthday,
but they didn't acknowledge it.
(20:53):
So that really left me frustrated.
And unfortunately, that seems to be quite common these days.
And again, for me, I think it also comes down to the training.
My very first customer service role that I had at high school,
actually, we didn't do much training, but there was one training session that
(21:14):
the owner did, which really resonated with me.
And it was a gelato shop. So, you know, it's meant to be a fun environment that people come to.
And the key thing that stuck with me, the owner said to all of us was,
you're here to serve your customers and to create an experience.
So whatever's going on outside, whether it's, you know, if you're fighting with
(21:37):
your boyfriend or things are not going well at home, just forget all of it.
Come in when you put your uniform on, you are on your best behavior,
you're smiling and you're serving your customers and everything else you leave at the door.
And that really resonated with me and that's a sentiment that I've taken through my career as well.
(21:57):
And in a way, maybe I expect that for those that provide customer service.
So when I see that that's not translating to other experiences.
That's when I find it really frustrating.
So it was a very long-winded answer. But I think it's a good way to illustrate
(22:18):
why custom service and the value of service is really important to me.
I was going to say, you know, that value of service, you know,
shouts really loud and clear.
But the other value there is one around respect and kindness. Right.
That that that we're missing in that experience.
Right. So so three three values that I heard really loud and clear,
(22:42):
you know, that you can pick out.
When you hear the stories that people have and what's important,
you know, you weren't expecting the world, you weren't asking for the world, but just exactly.
Some simple things. I loved how you, I loved how you sort of shared needs that,
you know, that, you know, a lot of, a lot of us and a lot of your experience,
(23:07):
you know, we're a product of our environment, right?
We're a product of how we've been educated, how we've been surrounded,
what we've learned over the course of our years.
And often, you know, values and in the context of values
um many of our values could be
inherited um from from you know
from from the the messages and the narratives that
(23:29):
we heard as as as kids um in in any sort of familial homes or the people that
we were surrounded by or our educators or those those those people who are really
influential like that person um you know that trainer at the gelato place that
you talked about people who
really stand out, something that really resonates for you.
(23:49):
So and sometimes we we inherit their values and they become they become our own.
And the the one thing we have to be careful of, you know, in the context of
values is, you know, are we are we are we really owning our values or are we
are we inheriting other people's values? Right.
(24:10):
And that can sometimes be conflicting and confusing.
And we think that we should have these values because we've been told that they're important.
But they're not genuinely our own.
And that's OK. This is not a question of self-righteousness. Right.
(24:33):
And just because someone just because I've got values that might be different
to your values, it meets doesn't make me right and wrong or vice versa.
You know, the work around values is so important because it helps us firstly understand ourselves.
And why we might get frustrated or angry in different situations,
but also why we love different situations and experiences.
(24:57):
But it also helps us really importantly to understand others, right?
And often when conflicts or disputes arise, it's as a result of values being in conflict.
And again, not about anyone being right or wrong. It's just about understanding
(25:17):
that we all have different priorities, that we have different experiences that
we come to the world from.
And, you know, especially in partnerships, especially in the workplace and in
intimate relationships, it's OK and it's normal to have different values.
But the challenge for all of us is being able to understand where the differences
(25:43):
lie and where the similarities lie.
And be able to communicate in a kind and diplomatic way where those differences might arise.
So it's OK if we have different values, but it's just about understanding that.
So that's often, you know, where people also feel very conflicted around sort
of personal relationships or work relationships where values might be different too.
(26:08):
Yeah. So just on that example, is there any tips that you can share with us?
I mean, at the end of the day, values are so unique to ourselves and we can't
always, as you say, expect that others have the same regard for the same values.
So when there is this misalignment with values, whether that's your partner
or a colleague or another person, what are some strategies that you can suggest for that?
(26:35):
Yeah. Well, the first thing I would say is, you know, be really clear on your
own values. You know, what's irritating you?
What are you not tolerating?
Because that's going to give you an indication of what what important to you,
first and foremost, because if we don't understand what's irritating us and
we start projecting and that can be confusing for the other person.
(26:56):
So understanding, you know, what's important to us, first and foremost,
and communicating that in a diplomatic in as diplomatic a way,
you know, as as possible and keeping it fact based. You know,
rather than getting emotional about it.
I think we also have to recognize and this was a big learning point for me and
(27:16):
be careful not to project our own values.
And what I mean by that is that, you know, I.
Sometimes in the past have made assumptions just because I value something that
you should value it at the same weighting as me right and that's what I mean
by projecting but you know the hard,
(27:39):
way that that's not always necessarily true especially around you know partnerships
and intimate intimate relationships you know I've had to understand and appreciate
that my values are my values.
And the other person has their own values, which they're absolutely entitled
(28:00):
to, and they're unique to them.
So it's about finding ways to be able to communicate what's important to you
and how it might be, how any differences might be impacting you.
And saying quite diplomatically, and, you know, it's great work around communication,
(28:21):
right, as well, especially in relationships.
You know, communication is just so key when it comes to values.
And it's when we don't communicate that we can find ourselves getting disengaged.
Disconnected, resentful, feeling hurt or disappointed.
(28:43):
And so whenever any of those those sort of emotions are manifesting themselves in any way,
you know, the first piece of advice that I give people is to just look within
and just say, okay, which of my values might be being dishonored or stepped on at the moment?
And then is there an opportunity for me to communicate that?
(29:05):
Is it the right time to communicate that?
So just some tips there. Yeah, absolutely.
And I think what resonated for me as well, I mean, and communication solves everything, I feel.
But equally, that want to invest in that relationship is also the other piece.
And then lastly, it's about...
(29:27):
Wanting to be vulnerable and being comfortable being
vulnerable because that's when you're really sharing your true self um
so if you've got that barrier sometimes it can be quite hard to come together
i find yeah absolutely and and i i think you know what this what this work on
values has taught me is to first and foremost really understand myself a little
(29:50):
bit more and why I do the things that I do,
and why I feel the way I feel.
Because when I'm honoring my values, I feel it.
I feel alive. I feel engaged.
I feel like I'm giving of my best.
(30:10):
I feel on purpose. purpose, right?
Contrary, when I'm not, when my values have been disrespected or stepped on
in any way, that's when I feel it.
My body tells me, you know, I have physical sensations that make me feel uncomfortable.
(30:31):
You know, my gut is saying, wow, something is going on here, right?
So I have learned over years that my body also gives me some signals and some
signs as to, you know, where there's alignment or where there might not be and where there's not.
Here's an opportunity for me to get a little bit more curious and investigate
(30:55):
a little bit more what's going on here.
Yeah. And I think what you said about the body, I know that's something I really
learned from you and it was a bit of an aha moment.
I'm quite analytically driven. So I'm always thinking about what's my head thinking
logically, but then really looking into how your body is reacting.
(31:17):
I remember when I was quite young, I used to get bullied and I used to go to
school complaining about a stomach ache.
And for me, that was a sign that I was anxious and uncomfortable going to school
because I was going into this environment.
And maybe I suppressed that in my adult life.
(31:38):
And now I'm sort of relearning how to look at the signals that my body gives me.
And it really helps with making those decisions as well.
So it's a really good reminder of that.
Yeah, thanks for sharing that, Neets, you know, and, you know,
I often say to my clients in doing this work,
(31:59):
you know, thoughts are the language of the mind and feelings and sensations
are the language of the body and they
all serve a purpose and they're all intelligence and they can tell us,
they can give us information around this piece around values and this piece
around what's going on in our environment.
(32:21):
Our body is often responding to our physical environment.
And so paying attention, but obviously as kids, you know, we don't learn that stuff, right?
And it's only later on as both of us have found out, you know,
that we learn to tune in a little bit bit more to what our body is telling us
(32:45):
and the information that we're getting.
And for me, what I've learned, especially around the values piece,
and I'll bring it back to the values, is when...
I'm not living in alignment with my values. Me, when I'm making decisions that
are not aligned with my values, I feel it.
I know it intuitively, instinctively. And I may still make a very conscious
(33:08):
choice to do that, but I know it.
And when something else happens outside of my, in my environment,
that's compromising my values anyway, I feel it. I know it.
Right. But that's work that, you know, that's that's now, you know,
after after some years of doing this work and just tuning in a little bit more.
(33:31):
But but, you know, bringing it back down to values, it's yeah,
my my my body will tell me if I'm in alignment.
So just to sort of wrap this up, do you have any final tips for someone as they
go through defining their values?
Is what can we say works well or doesn't work well
(33:52):
yeah I say to
everyone you know keep keep it simple right, if
you haven't done this work or if you're reconnecting
with yourself and your values, two
questions you know to ask yourself, first
question what's most important to you right and
(34:14):
think about that but as you said earlier
on you know if you haven't asked yourself that question
or spent any time thinking about that that can be sometimes a
little bit confronting right to even think about that
but what's most important to you is
the first question that I would ask myself and secondly who are you on your
(34:38):
best day what's happening in your environment and and the third question we
touched upon and what is it that you can't tolerate and,
What is it that you tolerate? As you said, you know, sometimes that's the easier question to answer.
But that's going to give you an indication of what's important to you in what you can't tolerate.
(35:00):
So keeping it simple was just some of those questions.
Yeah, great. And just to add as well, I will add a link in the show notes too
Monica's site, Courage Through Coaching, where there's also a list of words.
I think it's about 53 odd words.
So, you know, we talked about in my case and going through my example,
(35:22):
we talked about service, respect, kindness.
There's some other words like that on the website that can help you define the values.
But I agree, those three questions will help guide that as well.
For the listeners, I would love to hear after you listen to the episode,
how you're going with your values. So please drop me a message.
(35:42):
I'd love to hear how you're going. Mon, I'm so honoured that you could join
me in sharing this gift with my listeners so they can start or redefine their
own core values, which I know they're going to find life-changing, as I'd have.
Thank you so much. I'm deeply grateful for what you've done for me and others.
Thanks so much, Neets, and just delighted to be here on Social Enterprise surprise
(36:06):
and, you know, love to say to any of the listeners if they want to find out
more, you know, Neets is sharing information about my website.
There's a blog there on values as well.
If anyone has any questions, by all means, get in touch.
And thanks again, Neets. So lovely to be here.
(36:26):
Wow. I absolutely loved that conversation.
It was so organic. And you can probably tell that it's a topic we both share an immense passion for.
I think everyone should invest time in this exercise because your life and how
you show up for others is so important.
I always take away and learn so much from my guests.
(36:49):
And if there's any topics that you would like me to explore or know someone
that would like to share their story or their expertise on social enterprise,
please drop me a line as I'm always open to speaking to different people and
deep diving into different topics.
If you found this episode helpful, why don't you share it with someone as it
might be useful and insightful for them as well.
(37:11):
Please follow and rate Social Enterprise so we can keep learning together.
Until next time, stay safe and well.
Music.
Social Enterprise would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of this land
where this podcast will be recorded and pay respects to the elders past and present.
We also want to celebrate the ongoing culture, connections and the storytelling
practices that is very much part of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders tradition.
(00:21):
Welcome to Social Enterprise.
Music.
(00:44):
Hello, listeners. In my very first episode, I talk about the core values that
drive me and was one of the main drivers of why I started this podcast.
For me to come to the realization of what my core values was,
was done over a period of time through self-reflection, but also working with
a coach to brainstorm and guide me to my North Star.
(01:07):
My values really guide me through making the best decisions for me without getting
caught up with the external pressure and noise.
I would say that defining my core values has been absolutely life-changing.
It not only gives me the confidence to live my life as me,
but it also determines the direction I should take in work and life,
(01:28):
but also where I should and shouldn't exert my energy, especially in the current
VUCA environment where we're operating at such intensity and pace than ever before.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it's only after I invested time and effort
into to define my own core values and purpose when I have the realization of
(01:48):
why on earth haven't I done this sooner?
Most organizations have their visions, missions, and values up on their corporate
website or displayed in the corporate office.
And when we're interviewing for a role, for example, we're trying to prepare
ourselves to fit into their corporate values.
But it makes you think, why don't we prioritize doing this for ourselves and
(02:11):
finding an organization that fits our values, not the other way around.
Some organizations also have performance appraisals where employees need to
show how they demonstrate the corporate values to meet expectations.
But do we ever do that assessment in reverse?
We should be the most important asset, so why don't we?
(02:33):
Today's episode is a gift to all my listeners.
I'm so delighted and honored to introduce the very coach that guided me to define my core values.
Monica Browning is based in Hong Kong and is a certified life and leadership
coach, and founder of Courage Through Coaching.
She brings over 20 years of corporate experience with global organisations and
(02:57):
will take us through some ideas as to how you can get started in exploring your own core values.
Mon, I'm so excited that you're joining us on the podcast today.
Before we launch into the what and how of the core values, perhaps we can start
with what exactly a life and leadership coach is and how you ended up becoming a coach
(03:18):
after working in the corporate environment for over 20 years. Yes.
Oh, Neets. Well, thank you so
much for having me. It's really such a pleasure and a delight to be here.
And yes, you know, I'll launch straight in.
So coaching, coaches, what are coaches?
I guess, you know, for many of us, we first come across coaches in the realm of sport, right? Right.
(03:44):
That was certainly my first experience.
If we take the term coach and if we identify what a coach is,
it's normally someone who helps us to get better at something.
Someone who supports us, who guides us, who gives us some instruction,
you know, particularly in the context of sport.
(04:05):
That was certainly my first sort of introduction to someone.
Sometimes they provide training, sometimes they provide correction.
But in the terms of, you know, the coaching that I do, the life coaching and
the leadership coaching, if I can just clarify a little bit for the listeners what that is.
There are different types of coaches, just like there are for sports coaches.
(04:26):
So a life coach is someone who really helps you identify what your individual
goals are, personal goals are.
And they help you to improve overall well-being, perhaps, you know,
looking at elevating some of the qualities of the areas of your life.
So, you know, life coaches really can focus on things such as career,
(04:48):
relationships, personal growth, goals, work-life balance and things like that.
So so a life coach really helps you to define what your goals are,
help you move towards that with some identified strategies, helps you to overcome
obstacles, understand what might be keeping you stuck and so on.
(05:09):
And a leadership coach, similarly.
It's someone that works with people in leadership positions,
so potentially executives, managers, entrepreneurs, to help them really develop
their leadership skills, improve their decision making,
help them with specifically some of the work that I do around communication
skills and building and effectively managing teams.
(05:34):
So leadership coaches can often focus on areas such as strategic thinking.
Conflict resolution, team building and specific areas around organizational
development and communication.
So I ended up in this world after 20 years in the corporate world where I was
(05:56):
focusing a lot on leadership development.
My background is HR, and I'd worked my way through the ranks in HR,
but ended up in the last 10 years of my corporate career, specifically working
in the area of leadership development, communication skills,
ensuring that, you know, we were really getting the best out of our employees,
understanding employee motivation,
(06:17):
engagement, ensuring that we had our talent in the right organization.
And so for me, it was sort of quite a natural fit.
You know, I always loved working with people. I'm a geek when it comes to people.
I really like to understand what is it that makes us tick?
What is it that motivates us? Why are we all different? Why?
Why do we do and why do I do the things that I do?
(06:40):
You know, and why am I different to someone else? So the fascination around
people and what was there from from the get go for me.
And it was a natural progression from my corporate career to then to develop
my skills further around the coaching and the life coaching was a natural fit
for me just in terms of where I was personally on my own journey to.
(07:04):
Great. I can definitely relate to wanting to understand what makes people tick and how to motivate them.
And I know working with you closely. One of the key things that we started
exploring right at the beginning, and I believe you do this with all of your
clients, is around the work on values.
(07:25):
So we are sort of diving into the concept of values in this episode,
but how would you define values and what exactly are they to you?
Yeah, it's it's a great question. And you're right with all of my clients,
whether they're focusing on leadership or the life coaching piece.
I start with the work around values. So what are values?
(07:46):
To answer your question, values, core values are simply, you know,
what it is that we think is most important to us.
There are over the years, a lot of work and research has been done on
values. But, you know, some people like to use different words for values.
(08:07):
So your values might be described as your North Star or your barometer of meaning or your compass.
Your values are the things that are intrinsic to you, that are unique to you,
and the things that really give you direction.
And many of us don't really do work around values.
(08:30):
You know, certainly I don't ever recall being asked when I was,
you know, at school, you know, what's most important to me.
So when I do this work, it's fundamental, regardless of who my client is,
regardless of their seniority.
It's the work that I start with by asking people the simple question,
what's most important to you?
(08:51):
And very often people ask.
Stumped because they've never been asked that question or
they've never really thought about it right in terms
of what are their priorities you know if they had to
choose what their priorities are for some people it's very clear but
for many people you know if they've never done any work on themselves
or around this it can be quite a confronting question but in a simple
(09:16):
simply pertinence to answer your question our values are what's most important
for us and and what i love about values,
you know, in one of the blogs that I've written,
you know, I really say that our core values are like our thumbprint.
They are so unique to us. So whilst, you know, we might have all heard terms
such as the value of honesty or integrity or values around family and friendship and connection,
(09:44):
we all give different weight and meaning to those things.
And so the work around values and understanding where is all of that on my priority
list or what else is on my priority list can really help to understand why we
do the things we do and what's motivating us, what's giving us direction,
(10:05):
purpose and meaning. Yeah, that's great.
I talk a lot about how I found this exercise quite life-changing and I think
it came at a time where I really needed a bit of a reset and a refocus.
I was a little bit lost in life.
I tend to be quite an ambitious person and I think I was just going through
(10:29):
the motions in that hamster wheel and then one point I just sort of felt really
lost and didn't know how to take it forward and And why am I in this hamster wheel?
So for me, you know, I talk about that it is quite transformative.
But I wonder if you can sort of help us understand, you know, why is it so important?
(10:50):
Maybe you can share some of your personal stories as well.
Yeah, thanks, Neets. So firstly, I can totally relate to that hamster wheel.
Uh and and in fact it was
because I was in that same play this
feeling of stuckness this feeling of feeling
(11:11):
a little bit lost and and rudderless you know
I use the analogy of
being on a on a on a boat without a rudder right I
was sort of navigating in an open ocean but I
wasn't sure where I was going and I'd sort of lost a
sense of purpose and meaning yes I was wasn't a corporate job
but you know I just um yeah
(11:33):
I was lacking motivation and just feeling a
bit stuck and thinking oh is this is this it um so
so um it was actually working with with a coach myself um that that helped me
to understand where I was um and um and in doing the work around values,
(11:57):
myself, I realized what I was saying was important wasn't how I was living my life.
So that contributed to my feeling of stuckness.
So you asked the question, why is this work important? Why are values so important?
(12:17):
Well, firstly and most fundamentally, our values can really help us with decision
making and getting unstuck.
And often if we're feeling stuck it's
because there's a disconnect between how we are living our lives and what we
say is most important there's a gap and for me that was fundamental in seeing
(12:43):
you know I and a personal story you know from my perspective when I did this work on values.
You know, I was saying things like my friendships, my health,
my family are important.
And then when I looked at the reality of how I was living my life,
(13:03):
I wasn't present in my connection.
I couldn't sort of wait to, I was just playing sort of lip service to them.
But the big aha moment came when I was looking at my value around health at that time.
I was saying this was important and I was doing things like exercising,
(13:25):
but there were other parts of my life that really wasn't feeling good for me. I was very overweight.
I was drinking very heavily. I wasn't looking after my body and my health in many ways.
And it was really contributing to my overall mental health, physical health
(13:47):
and emotional well-being.
And when I saw this, you know, when I was asked and when I was challenged to
say, you know, well, this is important, but actually how you live in your life
doesn't reflect how you want to, what you say is important.
But that was like the biggest challenge.
(14:07):
The biggest aha moment for me and and as a
result of that it was literally like a light bulb going on
and I made some big life
decisions around my own
health and well-being um around my nutrition around my drinking it's what actually
contributed to me um you know cutting out alcohol from my from my life and getting
(14:31):
some support around um that just you know realizing that the impact that it was having.
So, you know, it's so important because I was feeling disconnected from life.
And that can contribute often when we're feeling disconnected,
disengaged, disillusioned. It's as a result of, you know, not living a life
(14:56):
aligned with our values.
And, you know, I wasn't making very conscious choices and decisions.
I wasn't bringing the awareness into my decision making. I was just on autopilot,
as you said earlier on, you know, that treadmill.
So knowing our values, when we're really sure on what's important,
(15:18):
who we are, we can then start to make really much more conscious decisions around
the choices that we make, right?
Very, We're very much more aware. And so it just brings a whole other level
of awareness into our lives.
So feeling unstuck, making much more conscious decisions that align with what
(15:43):
we want for our lives and what we want for ourselves.
Yeah, absolutely. So you've sort of taken us through what values are and why they're important.
How does one get started in defining or even redefining their values?
Yeah, great, great question.
You know, there are so many different ways that we can do that.
(16:05):
But I normally start with a very simple question.
And that question is what's most important to you?
Right if we can all spend some
time jotting down thinking about what's most
important to us often our value
we will hear values coming out of that right um
(16:28):
another way that i do uh um mining I call it mining for values you know thinking
about um sometimes I'll ask my my clients and and I'll get people to think about
who are they on their best day right when you're having the best day of your life,
when everything is going well, who are you?
What are you doing? Who are you surrounded by?
(16:50):
What's happening in your life?
What are the activities that you're engaged in? And that again,
if we can answer those questions,
often from that, you will hear values, the things that are most important coming out from people.
(17:11):
The other question, which is kind of sort of a reverse question,
but it's often a really good one for identifying what our values are,
is asking the question, what can you not tolerate?
What makes you angry? What can't you be with?
(17:33):
And when people think about that, that and when they're able to articulate that,
and very often this is quite an easy one for people to articulate and I could see you smiling.
This this is also a great question for identifying what's important.
And I know when we were doing some some prep for this as well,
(17:57):
You know, there was an example that came up for you, and I can see the smile on your face now.
So what is it about that question that stands out for you, Neet?
Yeah, so just sort of reflecting on the couple of questions,
I think for me personally, that last question around what you can't tolerate
is the easiest, maybe because the other questions require really deep thinking.
(18:21):
And when I sort of started thinking about those questions initially,
Actually, sometimes you are very much a product of all the societal pressures around you.
So to truly authentically answer that question for yourself,
sometimes that's quite hard.
(18:41):
So it requires a bit more time, especially the question around when are you your best self?
I know that's taken me a while to sort of understand that and be able to answer
that question. But the one around can't we tolerate, I'm generally quite a calm,
easygoing person, but I have a couple of pet hates.
(19:03):
One of them is around driver etiquette. But the other one, which is probably
more related to values, is around poor customer service.
And I'm not talking about, you know, the service that you might get at a fast
food joint because you sort of expect that to be a transactional relationship or transaction.
(19:23):
But I recently went to – it was my birthday, actually, and we decided just to
go to a local pub, which was an upmarket pub.
And as you do these days, you book online, you put all your details in,
you're expected to be there on time.
They had a particular special that night, and that's what I booked for. We got there.
(19:48):
We waited more than six or seven minutes to be seated.
To the point that I got fed up that I just started walking in the restaurant
to see where the reserved tables was and got told off.
And then once we sort of sat down and that got all sorted, we got told,
oh, sorry, the special that you booked for is not available tonight.
(20:10):
And it was, I think it was more the way it was said to us.
There wasn't a lot of remorse and responsibility.
And I think what I'm noticing, especially now, in,
you know, a lot of places, Australia, but I think it's worldwide.
Everyone's going through a lot of cost of living pressures.
(20:32):
And to eat out is such a conscious decision and you expect to go for a particular experience.
And in this case, it was my birthday. So it wasn't a normal,
it wasn't meant to be a special night, but, you know, it wasn't a normal sort
of going out for dinner sort of night.
So I was very disappointed and I knew they knew it was my birthday,
but they didn't acknowledge it.
(20:53):
So that really left me frustrated.
And unfortunately, that seems to be quite common these days.
And again, for me, I think it also comes down to the training.
My very first customer service role that I had at high school,
actually, we didn't do much training, but there was one training session that
(21:14):
the owner did, which really resonated with me.
And it was a gelato shop. So, you know, it's meant to be a fun environment that people come to.
And the key thing that stuck with me, the owner said to all of us was,
you're here to serve your customers and to create an experience.
So whatever's going on outside, whether it's, you know, if you're fighting with
(21:37):
your boyfriend or things are not going well at home, just forget all of it.
Come in when you put your uniform on, you are on your best behavior,
you're smiling and you're serving your customers and everything else you leave at the door.
And that really resonated with me and that's a sentiment that I've taken through my career as well.
(21:57):
And in a way, maybe I expect that for those that provide customer service.
So when I see that that's not translating to other experiences.
That's when I find it really frustrating.
So it was a very long-winded answer. But I think it's a good way to illustrate
(22:18):
why custom service and the value of service is really important to me.
I was going to say, you know, that value of service, you know,
shouts really loud and clear.
But the other value there is one around respect and kindness. Right.
That that that we're missing in that experience.
Right. So so three three values that I heard really loud and clear,
(22:42):
you know, that you can pick out.
When you hear the stories that people have and what's important,
you know, you weren't expecting the world, you weren't asking for the world, but just exactly.
Some simple things. I loved how you, I loved how you sort of shared needs that,
you know, that, you know, a lot of, a lot of us and a lot of your experience,
(23:07):
you know, we're a product of our environment, right?
We're a product of how we've been educated, how we've been surrounded,
what we've learned over the course of our years.
And often, you know, values and in the context of values
um many of our values could be
inherited um from from you know
from from the the messages and the narratives that
(23:29):
we heard as as as kids um in in any sort of familial homes or the people that
we were surrounded by or our educators or those those those people who are really
influential like that person um you know that trainer at the gelato place that
you talked about people who
really stand out, something that really resonates for you.
(23:49):
So and sometimes we we inherit their values and they become they become our own.
And the the one thing we have to be careful of, you know, in the context of
values is, you know, are we are we are we really owning our values or are we
are we inheriting other people's values? Right.
(24:10):
And that can sometimes be conflicting and confusing.
And we think that we should have these values because we've been told that they're important.
But they're not genuinely our own.
And that's OK. This is not a question of self-righteousness. Right.
(24:33):
And just because someone just because I've got values that might be different
to your values, it meets doesn't make me right and wrong or vice versa.
You know, the work around values is so important because it helps us firstly understand ourselves.
And why we might get frustrated or angry in different situations,
but also why we love different situations and experiences.
(24:57):
But it also helps us really importantly to understand others, right?
And often when conflicts or disputes arise, it's as a result of values being in conflict.
And again, not about anyone being right or wrong. It's just about understanding
(25:17):
that we all have different priorities, that we have different experiences that
we come to the world from.
And, you know, especially in partnerships, especially in the workplace and in
intimate relationships, it's OK and it's normal to have different values.
But the challenge for all of us is being able to understand where the differences
(25:43):
lie and where the similarities lie.
And be able to communicate in a kind and diplomatic way where those differences might arise.
So it's OK if we have different values, but it's just about understanding that.
So that's often, you know, where people also feel very conflicted around sort
of personal relationships or work relationships where values might be different too.
(26:08):
Yeah. So just on that example, is there any tips that you can share with us?
I mean, at the end of the day, values are so unique to ourselves and we can't
always, as you say, expect that others have the same regard for the same values.
So when there is this misalignment with values, whether that's your partner
or a colleague or another person, what are some strategies that you can suggest for that?
(26:35):
Yeah. Well, the first thing I would say is, you know, be really clear on your
own values. You know, what's irritating you?
What are you not tolerating?
Because that's going to give you an indication of what what important to you,
first and foremost, because if we don't understand what's irritating us and
we start projecting and that can be confusing for the other person.
(26:56):
So understanding, you know, what's important to us, first and foremost,
and communicating that in a diplomatic in as diplomatic a way,
you know, as as possible and keeping it fact based. You know,
rather than getting emotional about it.
I think we also have to recognize and this was a big learning point for me and
(27:16):
be careful not to project our own values.
And what I mean by that is that, you know, I.
Sometimes in the past have made assumptions just because I value something that
you should value it at the same weighting as me right and that's what I mean
by projecting but you know the hard,
(27:39):
way that that's not always necessarily true especially around you know partnerships
and intimate intimate relationships you know I've had to understand and appreciate
that my values are my values.
And the other person has their own values, which they're absolutely entitled
(28:00):
to, and they're unique to them.
So it's about finding ways to be able to communicate what's important to you
and how it might be, how any differences might be impacting you.
And saying quite diplomatically, and, you know, it's great work around communication,
(28:21):
right, as well, especially in relationships.
You know, communication is just so key when it comes to values.
And it's when we don't communicate that we can find ourselves getting disengaged.
Disconnected, resentful, feeling hurt or disappointed.
(28:43):
And so whenever any of those those sort of emotions are manifesting themselves in any way,
you know, the first piece of advice that I give people is to just look within
and just say, okay, which of my values might be being dishonored or stepped on at the moment?
And then is there an opportunity for me to communicate that?
(29:05):
Is it the right time to communicate that?
So just some tips there. Yeah, absolutely.
And I think what resonated for me as well, I mean, and communication solves everything, I feel.
But equally, that want to invest in that relationship is also the other piece.
And then lastly, it's about...
(29:27):
Wanting to be vulnerable and being comfortable being
vulnerable because that's when you're really sharing your true self um
so if you've got that barrier sometimes it can be quite hard to come together
i find yeah absolutely and and i i think you know what this what this work on
values has taught me is to first and foremost really understand myself a little
(29:50):
bit more and why I do the things that I do,
and why I feel the way I feel.
Because when I'm honoring my values, I feel it.
I feel alive. I feel engaged.
I feel like I'm giving of my best.
(30:10):
I feel on purpose. purpose, right?
Contrary, when I'm not, when my values have been disrespected or stepped on
in any way, that's when I feel it.
My body tells me, you know, I have physical sensations that make me feel uncomfortable.
(30:31):
You know, my gut is saying, wow, something is going on here, right?
So I have learned over years that my body also gives me some signals and some
signs as to, you know, where there's alignment or where there might not be and where there's not.
Here's an opportunity for me to get a little bit more curious and investigate
(30:55):
a little bit more what's going on here.
Yeah. And I think what you said about the body, I know that's something I really
learned from you and it was a bit of an aha moment.
I'm quite analytically driven. So I'm always thinking about what's my head thinking
logically, but then really looking into how your body is reacting.
(31:17):
I remember when I was quite young, I used to get bullied and I used to go to
school complaining about a stomach ache.
And for me, that was a sign that I was anxious and uncomfortable going to school
because I was going into this environment.
And maybe I suppressed that in my adult life.
(31:38):
And now I'm sort of relearning how to look at the signals that my body gives me.
And it really helps with making those decisions as well.
So it's a really good reminder of that.
Yeah, thanks for sharing that, Neets, you know, and, you know,
I often say to my clients in doing this work,
(31:59):
you know, thoughts are the language of the mind and feelings and sensations
are the language of the body and they
all serve a purpose and they're all intelligence and they can tell us,
they can give us information around this piece around values and this piece
around what's going on in our environment.
(32:21):
Our body is often responding to our physical environment.
And so paying attention, but obviously as kids, you know, we don't learn that stuff, right?
And it's only later on as both of us have found out, you know,
that we learn to tune in a little bit bit more to what our body is telling us
(32:45):
and the information that we're getting.
And for me, what I've learned, especially around the values piece,
and I'll bring it back to the values, is when...
I'm not living in alignment with my values. Me, when I'm making decisions that
are not aligned with my values, I feel it.
I know it intuitively, instinctively. And I may still make a very conscious
(33:08):
choice to do that, but I know it.
And when something else happens outside of my, in my environment,
that's compromising my values anyway, I feel it. I know it.
Right. But that's work that, you know, that's that's now, you know,
after after some years of doing this work and just tuning in a little bit more.
(33:31):
But but, you know, bringing it back down to values, it's yeah,
my my my body will tell me if I'm in alignment.
So just to sort of wrap this up, do you have any final tips for someone as they
go through defining their values?
Is what can we say works well or doesn't work well
(33:52):
yeah I say to
everyone you know keep keep it simple right, if
you haven't done this work or if you're reconnecting
with yourself and your values, two
questions you know to ask yourself, first
question what's most important to you right and
(34:14):
think about that but as you said earlier
on you know if you haven't asked yourself that question
or spent any time thinking about that that can be sometimes a
little bit confronting right to even think about that
but what's most important to you is
the first question that I would ask myself and secondly who are you on your
(34:38):
best day what's happening in your environment and and the third question we
touched upon and what is it that you can't tolerate and,
What is it that you tolerate? As you said, you know, sometimes that's the easier question to answer.
But that's going to give you an indication of what's important to you in what you can't tolerate.
(35:00):
So keeping it simple was just some of those questions.
Yeah, great. And just to add as well, I will add a link in the show notes too
Monica's site, Courage Through Coaching, where there's also a list of words.
I think it's about 53 odd words.
So, you know, we talked about in my case and going through my example,
(35:22):
we talked about service, respect, kindness.
There's some other words like that on the website that can help you define the values.
But I agree, those three questions will help guide that as well.
For the listeners, I would love to hear after you listen to the episode,
how you're going with your values. So please drop me a message.
(35:42):
I'd love to hear how you're going. Mon, I'm so honoured that you could join
me in sharing this gift with my listeners so they can start or redefine their
own core values, which I know they're going to find life-changing, as I'd have.
Thank you so much. I'm deeply grateful for what you've done for me and others.
Thanks so much, Neets, and just delighted to be here on Social Enterprise surprise
(36:06):
and, you know, love to say to any of the listeners if they want to find out
more, you know, Neets is sharing information about my website.
There's a blog there on values as well.
If anyone has any questions, by all means, get in touch.
And thanks again, Neets. So lovely to be here.
(36:26):
Wow. I absolutely loved that conversation.
It was so organic. And you can probably tell that it's a topic we both share an immense passion for.
I think everyone should invest time in this exercise because your life and how
you show up for others is so important.
I always take away and learn so much from my guests.
(36:49):
And if there's any topics that you would like me to explore or know someone
that would like to share their story or their expertise on social enterprise,
please drop me a line as I'm always open to speaking to different people and
deep diving into different topics.
If you found this episode helpful, why don't you share it with someone as it
might be useful and insightful for them as well.
(37:11):
Please follow and rate Social Enterprise so we can keep learning together.
Until next time, stay safe and well.
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