Burnt out and dead tired, but still showing up

This week I'm gabbing about burnout. At 28, my career feels like a cage. I feel anchored to a job and a lifestyle that doesn't fuel me or fill my soul, yet I feel equally aimless and unsure what my next move could be. But I'm also too tired to push myself in a new direction. Welcome to my burnt to a crisp era. 

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hello.
Hello.
Welcome to another episode of Solitary Creature.
I'm Steph and i'm documenting the messy winding journey of working towards living a more mindful and intentional life.
Something that's been on my mind a lot this week.
Well, first of all, I just have to say I am so exhausted right now.

(00:22):
I am trying.
The hardest I've ever tried to keep the momentum and just sort of like and keep my energy up for recording this podcast.
I just got done with 12 hours at work.
12 hours the day before and just like countless long days for the last couple weeks.
And I know I've been grumbling a lot about it, but it's just a reality of the life that I'm living right now and that is kind of what this podcast is all about The real life stuff, you know, it's, it is hard to fit in self growth and mindful practices and self care and time for yourself when you are working really crazy schedules.

(01:08):
I'm literally recording this in my bed.
That's how tired I am.
I really couldn't bring myself to, usually I record at my desk.
In my office, but I spent so much time there this week and last week.
I just couldn't sit there for like another minute and record this episode.
I just could not, I had, I just, I'm literally laying down as I record this because it's taking all the energy I have to do it.

(01:30):
trying to find time for that stuff is, I think.
The whole point of living a mindful practice.
It's like you can't grow if you're not making time and you have to set aside deliberate time for it.
Like the reason why I haven't grown in a lot of areas in my life is because it's always on the back burner.
So part of just getting better about hitting those things head on and doing it consistently and having routine and structure.

(01:58):
And fitting it into the messiness of life really is at the heart, at least for me, what living a mindful life is really all about.
Because work has been so.
Difficult the past few weeks and, and honestly, it's like not just the past few weeks, it's been probably the last couple years I've been really, really frustrated with where I'm at.
I'm frustrated by the pay, which I know I get paid better than.

(02:21):
I have in a lot of other jobs, and I know that it's decent.
It's not like I'm making no money.
I know I'm making decent money in what is fast, becoming a very tough economy.
But I wanna make more, Just like really hard to, feel okay about where I'm at..
Being frustrated with my job aside, I think it is time for me to really come to terms with the fact that I really need to do something different.

(02:46):
I really need to figure out what it is that I wanna do.
I can't, I'm so burnt out.
Long story short, I'm burnt out.
I'm burnt out financially.
I'm burnt out mentally.
I'm burnt out every other way that I can't think of right now.
Just I'm just burnt out.
I'm burnt out at work.
I'm burnt out on relationships.
I'm burnt out on friendships.

(03:07):
I'm burnt out on.
I just, it's not any one thing.
It's just, I feel like for the last couple years I've been slowly. 45 00:03:17,121.66666667 --> 00:03:22,641.66666667 Steadily, kind of careening to the edge of this burnt out cliff. 46 00:03:22,641.66666667 --> 00:03:24,321.66666667 And I think I finally just gotten there. 47 00:03:24,321.66666667 --> 00:03:27,411.66666667 And, I'm overwhelmed by how burnt out I am. 48 00:03:27,411.66666667 --> 00:03:34,131.66666667 I don't know that I've, I don't know that I've ever felt this burnt out in my life, and I think that's why, I'm having such a hard time. 49 00:03:34,398.15192744 --> 00:03:35,413.33333333 Grappling with it. 50 00:03:35,743.33333333 --> 00:03:37,393.33333333 It's not just like stress. 51 00:03:37,443.33333333 --> 00:03:40,413.33333333 There's not any particular thing I need to be overly stressed about. 52 00:03:40,413.33333333 --> 00:03:44,513.33333333 It's interesting, it's like I've always associated being burnt out with being stressed. 53 00:03:44,953.33333333 --> 00:03:49,993.33333333 But I'm realizing now that being burnt out isn't necessarily stress related, it's just fatigue. 54 00:03:49,993.33333333 --> 00:03:51,583.33333333 It's a fatigue that's not depression. 55 00:03:51,583.33333333 --> 00:03:59,473.33333333 It's a fatigue that is just omnipresent and it, everything feels difficult and everything feels like a challenge. 56 00:03:59,523.33333333 --> 00:04:05,703.33333333 I just feel like there's just a heaviness on me right now and I just can't seem to break through it. 57 00:04:05,703.33333333 --> 00:04:10,293.33333333 It just gets heavier and heavier and it's, it's not that I'm like. 58 00:04:10,938.33333333 --> 00:04:19,98.33333333 I'm not like grossly unhappy, you know, like I still think there's a lot of good in my life still right now. 59 00:04:19,218.33333333 --> 00:04:22,578.33333333 but I just can't, I just have like nothing left to give. 60 00:04:22,578.33333333 --> 00:04:25,628.33333333 Like my gas tank is is bone dry. 61 00:04:25,628.33333333 --> 00:04:28,628.33333333 It is bone dry, and I am. 62 00:04:28,918.33333333 --> 00:04:31,618.33333333 Trying to just figure out what to do about it. 63 00:04:31,618.33333333 --> 00:04:37,938.33333333 I've never really been in this position where I felt so burnt out, I felt exhausted before, I felt stressed. 64 00:04:37,938.33333333 --> 00:04:40,218.33333333 Before I felt very depressed before. 65 00:04:40,548.33333333 --> 00:04:47,238.33333333 Like I'm familiar with all of those feelings, but this type of being burnt out is just really new to me. 66 00:04:47,298.33333333 --> 00:04:50,178.33333333 It's, I, I really am struggling with how to deal with it. 67 00:04:50,178.33333333 --> 00:04:54,258.33333333 and it doesn't help that we're like heading into winter, we're heading into the holiday season. 68 00:04:54,308.33333333 --> 00:05:06,758.33333333 And that comes with like a whole other new set of expectations and disappointments and, you know, cold, dark hibernation feelings and.

(05:06):
Then there's more family obligations and just the, you know, that like stress of the holidays.
So I know that I'm like getting ready to go into like even more feeling burnt out and I'm trying to feel like I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it.
And it's just a really strange feeling for me.
Because I feel like so burnt out.

(05:28):
I'm just beyond feeling overwhelmed.
But it's interesting because I, I don't know what it is.
I'm so overwhelmed with yeah, of course I have work chores and like the mundane daily life stuff, but I.
Beyond that.
I mean, I, I'm so burnt out.
It's not like I have a lot of energy to dedicate towards like, oh, a really rigorous workout routine or some big creative project or, I'm, I'm honestly like not even studying for my PMP certification, my project management professional certification, I'm really like dedicating like almost zero time to it, which is a topic I'm gonna get in a second that relates to this whole burnt out thing.

(06:06):
You know it, it's like I understand when people talk about being.
Burnt out when they're working 60 hours a week and they're raising kids and they have, you know, a million other obligations outside of their house, like maybe they volunteer or like just being, I guess like I understand why people talk about being burnt out because they're spread too thin.

(06:26):
I don't think I'm spread too thin.
I'm just exhausted.
I'm just depleted.
I have nothing.
I don't have the energy to even try to be spread thin.
I'm barely getting through my day-to-day stuff.
It's just my capacity is at zero.
Maybe it is depression.
I don't know.

(06:47):
I, it doesn't feel like the depression that I'm used to, which is more like a, a scary suicidal depression, like crying endlessly all day every day.
Like that's the depression that I've dealt with in the past.
I've never dealt with a depression that feels more exhausted.
I've been thinking about,, trying to find someone to talk to, but at the same time it's like I also can't really afford therapy.

(07:13):
This is gonna sound awful from someone who is trying to work on themselves.
But there's a part of me that is just like, what am I gonna get from therapy? I've done therapy before.
I've done a lot of therapy.
.66666667I've worked with different therapists over the years and don't know that anyone has really, really truly helped me. 98 00:07:33,886.66666667 --> 00:07:36,826.66666667 I feel like I've always am just. 99 00:07:36,826.66666667 --> 00:07:38,236.66666667 Talking at a therapist. 100 00:07:38,236.66666667 --> 00:07:39,916.66666667 No one has ever offered insight. 101 00:07:39,916.66666667 --> 00:07:42,766.66666667 No one has ever offered solutions. 102 00:07:42,766.66666667 --> 00:07:45,496.66666667 No one has ever offered, analysis. 103 00:07:45,546.66666667 --> 00:07:53,846.66666667 I think the most I've ever gotten from a therapist where they've offered something is a couple of worksheets that I honestly like could have Googled and found myself. 104 00:07:54,911.66666667 --> 00:07:58,691.66666667 And recommendations for outside reading. 105 00:07:58,691.66666667 --> 00:08:10,901.66666667 So, and I've gotten a lot from those books that they recommend, but again, like that is a good read search that is not really what I'm paying 40, 50, $60 a session for. 106 00:08:10,961.66666667 --> 00:08:12,41.66666667 It's expensive. 107 00:08:12,41.66666667 --> 00:08:17,771.66666667 Like I really just like don't have the money to pay someone. 108 00:08:19,316.66666667 --> 00:08:22,46.66666667 To feel like I'm not gonna get anything out of it. 109 00:08:22,46.66666667 --> 00:08:26,756.66666667 I know that, and I realize that that is a horrible, horrible way of thinking about it. 110 00:08:26,756.66666667 --> 00:08:37,196.66666667 But because of my experiences, I just felt like it is not worth the additional stress that I'm gonna get from having to shovel out this money every month because I feel like. 111 00:08:37,256.66666667 --> 00:08:40,436.66666667 if I'm gonna go to therapy, I want it to be at least twice a month. 112 00:08:40,436.66666667 --> 00:08:42,566.66666667 And that's just like money I can't afford, like. 113 00:08:45,86.66666667 --> 00:08:49,746.66666667 On my feet a little bit so I, I just like, don't want that extra expense. 114 00:08:49,746.66666667 --> 00:09:00,306.66666667 Like, I'd rather just keep reading self-help books and self, I've just like never felt, uh, uh, being burnt out this kind of way before. 115 00:09:00,936.66666667 --> 00:09:04,266.66666667 if it's depression, I just like, it's not a depression I'm familiar with. 116 00:09:04,266.66666667 --> 00:09:08,256.66666667 but I had mentioned that I'm not even studying for my project management professional certification. 117 00:09:09,186.66666667 --> 00:09:12,996.66666667 I think that ties back to how I'm feeling about just work in general. 118 00:09:13,36.66666667 --> 00:09:14,866.66666667 I come from a family where. 119 00:09:15,616.66666667 --> 00:09:17,206.66666667 You are your work. 120 00:09:17,256.66666667 --> 00:09:18,126.66666667 Hi, I am Stephanie. 121 00:09:18,126.66666667 --> 00:09:20,76.66666667 I am a insert title here. 122 00:09:20,76.66666667 --> 00:09:21,936.66666667 That's like what my family is. 123 00:09:21,966.66666667 --> 00:09:23,556.66666667 my family is all about work. 124 00:09:23,556.66666667 --> 00:09:27,576.66666667 It's all about, the practicalities of life that define you. 125 00:09:27,576.66666667 --> 00:09:32,76.66666667 Not really like who you are spiritually or who you are mentally or what your personality is. 126 00:09:32,76.66666667 --> 00:09:36,396.66666667 It's always work first, career first. 127 00:09:37,431.66666667 --> 00:09:39,51.66666667 Work yourself to the bone. 128 00:09:39,351.66666667 --> 00:09:41,511.66666667 Don't ask questions. 129 00:09:41,511.66666667 --> 00:09:43,101.66666667 Don't question your boss. 130 00:09:43,101.66666667 --> 00:09:48,891.66666667 Don't question whether or not you should be happy in your work or you should enjoy your work. 131 00:09:48,891.66666667 --> 00:09:55,521.66666667 it's funny 'cause When I was younger, my mom was very much like, do what pays well. 132 00:09:55,761.66666667 --> 00:09:58,11.66666667 Don't expect to do work that you love. 133 00:09:58,581.66666667 --> 00:10:02,961.66666667 And for a while my dad was a little bit of the opposite, but I think event. 134 00:10:02,991.66666667 --> 00:10:13,491.66666667 But now that I'm in the workforce and all this stuff, it's definitely shifted where it's like just focus on doing work and getting paid and don't, expect, don't expect work to be fun. 135 00:10:13,521.66666667 --> 00:10:15,21.66666667 Don't expect to love what you do. 136 00:10:15,21.66666667 --> 00:10:16,551.66666667 Like that's not the point of work. 137 00:10:16,551.66666667 --> 00:10:17,721.66666667 It's called work for a reason. 138 00:10:17,721.66666667 --> 00:10:19,191.66666667 Like it's that kind of mentality. 139 00:10:19,191.66666667 --> 00:10:35,681.66666667 I guess I've just seen, especially my dad, I've seen him work so many jobs that are so hard and so grueling that I thought that the whole point was to move away from having a work life that was like that and instead to find something that brought you joy. 140 00:10:35,681.66666667 --> 00:10:39,551.66666667 Like, you know, it doesn't feel like work if it's something you love like that. 141 00:10:39,551.66666667 --> 00:10:40,841.66666667 I thought that was the goal. 142 00:10:40,841.66666667 --> 00:10:51,581.66666667 I've never had that, like I've gone to school and studied for a lot of jobs that were supposed to lead to that, but I don't really do anything with my writing degrees. 143 00:10:51,581.66666667 --> 00:10:54,341.66666667 I don't really, I don't do anything with my teaching degree. 144 00:10:55,31.66666667 --> 00:11:00,41.66666667 And a lot of the reasons why I didn't pursue some of those things was just confidence. 145 00:11:00,41.66666667 --> 00:11:01,511.66666667 Like I just lacked the confidence. 146 00:11:01,511.66666667 --> 00:11:03,311.66666667 I didn't think I would do well. 147 00:11:03,311.66666667 --> 00:11:06,431.66666667 I was afraid kids, like kids would make fun of me. 148 00:11:06,431.66666667 --> 00:11:08,861.66666667 I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to speak up. 149 00:11:08,861.66666667 --> 00:11:10,991.66666667 I was afraid of being too meek as a teacher. 150 00:11:10,991.66666667 --> 00:11:12,821.66666667 I was afraid that. 151 00:11:12,881.66666667 --> 00:11:14,951.66666667 I wouldn't do a good job as a professor. 152 00:11:14,951.66666667 --> 00:11:25,211.66666667 I figured like, what if there's like kids? What if there are college age kids in my lectures that are smarter than me? I felt like if you had, if you were gonna be a teacher, I had to be like the smartest person in the room. 153 00:11:25,211.66666667 --> 00:11:33,551.66666667 And I definitely have different opinions about that now, but at the time, I just thought that that was what it would take to be a successful teacher or a successful professor. 154 00:11:34,331.66666667 --> 00:11:55,361.66666667 so I didn't pursue those things, I tried to find things on the periphery and they didn't work out or whatever, and I just got stuck in a marketing track because it took a long time for myself to be able to find something that felt like a professional, decent paying job or something that felt like it was on the track to leading to something that was more professional or better paying. 155 00:11:56,111.66666667 --> 00:11:59,591.66666667 And I just thought, you know, when you're 23 and you fall into. 156 00:12:00,116.66666667 --> 00:12:07,376.66666667 A marketing job, you just think like, okay, well at some point I'll be able to like veer out of this, you know, and, and do something else. 157 00:12:07,376.66666667 --> 00:12:11,366.66666667 and I guess because it, it took me so long to find a job. 158 00:12:11,876.66666667 --> 00:12:14,156.66666667 'cause it really wasn't when I was 23, I don't think. 159 00:12:14,516.66666667 --> 00:12:23,6.66666667 But um, when I was like 25 or 26 or so, I think is probably when I actually started a marketing path. 160 00:12:23,6.66666667 --> 00:12:29,926.66666667 And it felt like it had taken me so long to get a job that probably a lot of other people were already doing out of the gate while they were like in college. 161 00:12:30,406.66666667 --> 00:12:37,426.66666667 That that kind of depressed me and it made me feel like I was years behind where I could have been if I had just believed in myself a little bit more. 162 00:12:37,426.66666667 --> 00:12:39,856.66666667 And I still feel that way, honestly. 163 00:12:40,576.66666667 --> 00:12:44,926.66666667 I felt like I was always being surpassed by, uh, younger people at work for. 164 00:12:45,361.66666667 --> 00:12:51,691.66666667 Better, more professional, better paying jobs or like they had the confidence to not stay at a job for eight years. 165 00:12:51,691.66666667 --> 00:12:55,891.66666667 They just stayed there for like two to get experience and then moved on to something better later. 166 00:12:56,371.66666667 --> 00:13:00,271.66666667 And I just felt no one will ever wanna hire me and whatever. 167 00:13:00,271.66666667 --> 00:13:18,301.66666667 so now fast forward, I'm 38 and I have, you know what I think most people would think is like a decent professional job with Pretty good pay I get to work remote and for a long time those things were enough to make me feel satisfied and make me feel okay about where I was at. 168 00:13:18,301.66666667 --> 00:13:25,21.66666667 But I'm at the point now where it's just not good enough I'm really needing to figure out something different. 169 00:13:26,536.66666667 --> 00:13:28,726.66666667 When I started studying for my PMP. 170 00:13:29,131.66666667 --> 00:13:33,961.66666667 Certification last year, I really thought that was gonna be my ticket. 171 00:13:36,436.66666667 --> 00:13:40,546.66666667 Maybe getting out of marketing and being able to do project management in a different field. 172 00:13:41,116.66666667 --> 00:13:44,986.66666667 it also felt like, I don't know, when I first started studying for it, it felt invigorating. 173 00:13:44,986.66666667 --> 00:13:48,166.66666667 Like learning something new always feels a little invigorating. 174 00:13:48,166.66666667 --> 00:13:54,436.66666667 And I was filled with optimism and I was enrolled in, um, in a course. 175 00:13:54,436.66666667 --> 00:13:55,996.66666667 So there was like a little bit of structure. 176 00:13:55,996.66666667 --> 00:14:07,36.66666667 It wasn't just on me Now it's a year later, over a year later from when I first started studying for it and I just could not be any less interested in it. 177 00:14:07,66.66666667 --> 00:14:17,926.66666667 I really should have probably taken this, this certification test back in the spring or even the summer, but I just couldn't, after that course was done and I was like trying to study and I was trying to do really good. 178 00:14:17,926.66666667 --> 00:14:22,966.66666667 I just don't, I think I realized today like I just don't fucking care. 179 00:14:23,476.66666667 --> 00:14:24,436.66666667 I don't care. 180 00:14:24,466.66666667 --> 00:14:26,926.66666667 And there's still a part of me that's like, well, you should care. 181 00:14:26,926.66666667 --> 00:14:30,286.66666667 You've come this far and you just need to keep studying. 182 00:14:30,316.66666667 --> 00:14:32,266.66666667 I feel like I am back at square one. 183 00:14:32,266.66666667 --> 00:14:38,146.66666667 I feel like every time I open my book I'm having to like start at page one and I just don't wanna do it. 184 00:14:38,146.66666667 --> 00:14:51,346.66666667 I keep trying to come up with like study plans and sit down and watch videos and try different courses or books or you know, video playlists that people have put out or study guides and I just don't know what to do. 185 00:14:51,346.66666667 --> 00:14:53,596.66666667 I just am not feeling it. 186 00:14:53,686.66666667 --> 00:14:54,76.66666667 And. 187 00:14:54,796.66666667 --> 00:15:02,26.66666667 I'm really struggling with, like, when do you say no to something? Saying no is so foreign to me, obviously. 188 00:15:02,26.66666667 --> 00:15:08,726.66666667 Anyways, if you're listened to even a second of this podcast, you know, that I do not say no to anything. 189 00:15:08,726.66666667 --> 00:15:13,766.66666667 so I'm really struggling with is it okay to just say you know what, I've given it a year. 190 00:15:14,636.66666667 --> 00:15:21,686.66666667 I clearly don't want this, so I'm just gonna like not deal with the pressure of it anymore. 191 00:15:21,686.66666667 --> 00:15:31,676.66666667 Like why have this thing lingering on my to-do list that I don't wanna do anymore, that my heart's not in it? Probably like 10 years ago, I had started a blog. 192 00:15:31,676.66666667 --> 00:15:33,386.66666667 Actually, it's probably way before that. 193 00:15:33,386.66666667 --> 00:15:35,546.66666667 It's probably been like 15 years ago. 194 00:15:35,546.66666667 --> 00:15:47,666.66666667 I probably started a blog and it took me six, seven years of having it in the back of my mind, always feeling guilty about not doing it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 195 00:15:48,116.66666667 --> 00:15:52,376.66666667 And finally I was just like, you know what? Like clearly I don't wanna do this. 196 00:15:52,376.66666667 --> 00:15:57,416.66666667 Like as much as I feel like I should wanna do it, or it'd be nice if I wanted to do it. 197 00:15:58,216.66666667 --> 00:16:00,826.66666667 I'm not dedicating myself to it, so I'm not feeling it. 198 00:16:00,826.66666667 --> 00:16:08,56.66666667 So I finally made a really hard decision where I just said, I'm not renewing my website. 199 00:16:08,656.66666667 --> 00:16:12,106.66666667 I'm not gonna live under the pressure of that anymore. 200 00:16:12,856.66666667 --> 00:16:14,686.66666667 And I stopped doing it. 201 00:16:14,686.66666667 --> 00:16:18,336.66666667 And at first it was really scary, but it was the right decision. 202 00:16:18,366.66666667 --> 00:16:19,956.66666667 My heart was not in it. 203 00:16:20,466.66666667 --> 00:16:26,376.66666667 I admire all the people at the time, who were starting blogs and going viral and being really successful. 204 00:16:26,376.66666667 --> 00:16:35,586.66666667 And I wanted to be one of those people, but like I did not wanna do the work that it took to become that person and to have that level of success. 205 00:16:35,991.66666666 --> 00:16:48,381.6666667 So I stopped and I look back on that decision a lot actually and think that's probably the one time I felt like I was truly listening to myself and truly in tune with myself. 206 00:16:48,891.6666667 --> 00:17:06,156.6666667 So when I think about Do I even wanna do this certification anymore? I think back to those moments when I said no to this blog and think, is it one of those moments? Like is it like a new kind of that moment or is this me, is. 207 00:17:06,156.6666667 --> 00:17:24,66.6666667 Just trying to shy away from hard work because I'm scared or because of self-doubt, or because I'm unsure of myself or because I don't know what the future means or because I'm scared to have a reason to prompt me to want to leave this job, and this job is a very safe little cocoon. 208 00:17:24,66.6666667 --> 00:17:25,56.6666667 I know what to expect. 209 00:17:25,56.6666667 --> 00:17:26,226.6666667 I know what I'm being paid. 210 00:17:26,226.6666667 --> 00:17:27,906.6666667 I know what the silver lines are. 211 00:17:27,906.6666667 --> 00:17:41,436.6666667 I know it's like the devil, you know, versus the devil you don't, Is it that kind of situation where this just feels nice and easy and safe, even though it's driving me crazy? It's better than the stress and craziness of going. 212 00:17:41,436.6666667 --> 00:17:48,546.6666667 Through like a job hunt process and getting hired somewhere, and the uncertainty of the economy is kind of in the shitter. 213 00:17:48,936.6666667 --> 00:17:54,276.6666667 So like if I, what happens if I get hired somewhere and then they just lay me off like I'm fucked. 214 00:17:54,276.6666667 --> 00:17:55,26.6666667 I don't have. 215 00:17:55,361.6666667 --> 00:17:56,681.6666667 I don't have an emergency fund. 216 00:17:56,681.6666667 --> 00:17:57,791.6666667 I don't have a nest egg. 217 00:17:57,791.6666667 --> 00:17:59,831.6666667 I live paycheck to paycheck. 218 00:18:00,191.6666667 --> 00:18:04,961.6666667 I have a little bit of savings, but when I say savings, it's like savings with a lowercase s. 219 00:18:04,961.6666667 --> 00:18:13,571.6666667 It's not like capital letters savings, you know? I have enough to get me through a couple of vet appointments, maybe a car repair. 220 00:18:13,931.6666667 --> 00:18:19,691.6666667 It's not an emergency fund, you know, this isn't oh, I'm gonna live off of this for months while I look for a job kind of savings. 221 00:18:20,51.6666667 --> 00:18:24,881.6666667 This is My tire blew out and I need a new tire kind of savings. 222 00:18:24,881.6666667 --> 00:18:27,401.6666667 So not proud of that, but that is the reality of it. 223 00:18:28,151.6666667 --> 00:18:29,261.6666667 And I'm just being honest. 224 00:18:30,41.6666667 --> 00:18:39,191.6666667 So I feel like I'm at a, a crossroads with everything and I do feel like that that what I'm thinking about with my job, my certification, all of that does feed into this feeling of being burned out. 225 00:18:39,191.6666667 --> 00:18:39,821.6666667 And I think. 226 00:18:39,821.6666667 --> 00:18:49,271.6666667 Not being able to say no is something I'm constantly struggling with and that's coming up a lot with my job and the certification and it's probably a big reason why I'm burnt out as well. 227 00:18:49,271.6666667 --> 00:18:50,591.6666667 I just like can't say no to stuff. 228 00:18:50,591.6666667 --> 00:18:52,31.6666667 I can barely say no to myself. 229 00:18:52,781.6666667 --> 00:18:54,71.6666667 Well, no, I take that back. 230 00:18:54,71.6666667 --> 00:18:59,921.6666667 Probably the only person I'm ever able to say no to is me in the, but like in a self-sabotaging way. 231 00:18:59,921.6666667 --> 00:19:21,971.6666667 What I find really, really interesting is that like I cried today at work because I had to work until 8:00 PM after I'd already been online at 6:00 AM this morning, and as tired as I was and as done with the day and as done with frankly life I was today, I still. 232 00:19:21,971.6666667 --> 00:19:28,811.6666667 Wrapped up my last email, made some sleepy time tea, and then sat down to record this podcast. 233 00:19:28,811.6666667 --> 00:19:36,911.6666667 Like, I love this podcast so much, and I'm sure there's, there's not a ton of people listening, but I'm so grateful for anyone that's listening. 234 00:19:36,911.6666667 --> 00:19:40,811.6666667 But even if there were zero people listening, I love this podcast. 235 00:19:40,811.6666667 --> 00:19:46,781.6666667 It is the only thing I have honestly ever been able to consistently. 236 00:19:47,241.6666667 --> 00:19:51,21.6666667 Commit to for this length of time where I show up every week. 237 00:19:51,51.6666667 --> 00:20:02,811.6666667 It might not be every Thursday, but I'm showing up every week doing my damnedest to sit down, blab into this microphone and get it posted and be thoughtful. 238 00:20:03,36.6666667 --> 00:20:05,451.6666667 I don't know, there's something about that that's just like. 239 00:20:07,46.6666667 --> 00:20:08,306.6666667 Really eyeopening for me. 240 00:20:08,306.6666667 --> 00:20:16,766.6666667 And I don't know what that, I don't know what it is yet, like what that really means, but I mean, that's something for sure. 241 00:20:17,6.6666667 --> 00:20:18,386.6666667 Like I am dead right now. 242 00:20:19,316.6666667 --> 00:20:24,496.6666667 I like bury me, you know, I'm so tired but I love this podcast. 243 00:20:24,496.6666667 --> 00:20:26,86.6666667 So like when I think about. 244 00:20:26,611.6666667 --> 00:20:32,551.6666667 I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want a job that brings me joy. 245 00:20:32,581.6666667 --> 00:20:40,321.6666667 I want a job that feels like I'm contributing something to the world, even in a very, very small way. 246 00:20:40,981.6666667 --> 00:20:45,451.6666667 I wanna feel like I'm adding to society, not making it worse. 247 00:20:45,451.6666667 --> 00:20:52,261.6666667 I wanna feel like I'm doing something that matters to somebody somewhere and not just trying to. 248 00:20:52,261.6666667 --> 00:21:04,921.6666667 Sell more servers to other businesses, to sell services to another business, to sell services to someone else, to eventually sell goods to a customer. 249 00:21:04,921.6666667 --> 00:21:09,451.6666667 You know, like it's so meaningless and I don't enjoy it. 250 00:21:09,451.6666667 --> 00:21:10,711.6666667 I don't like marketing. 251 00:21:11,161.6666667 --> 00:21:13,231.6666667 I don't like working with clients. 252 00:21:13,381.6666667 --> 00:21:15,811.6666667 I don't like the work that I'm doing. 253 00:21:16,111.6666667 --> 00:21:17,71.6666667 Life's so short. 254 00:21:17,71.6666667 --> 00:21:29,101.6666667 I feel like we should enjoy the work that we're doing and I wish I were one of those people who could just show up and not think about it and not care and just like punch in and punch out and be done and then go live the rest of my life. 255 00:21:29,161.6666667 --> 00:21:34,801.6666667 But what I do for work is really important to me because we spend so much time doing it. 256 00:21:34,801.6666667 --> 00:21:37,921.6666667 Like if I'm spending 40 hours a week and. 257 00:21:39,16.6666667 --> 00:21:46,426.6666667 You know, like what is it like a third of your entire life has spent working or something like in terms of like actual hours. 258 00:21:46,426.6666667 --> 00:21:48,256.6666667 It's like that is crazy to me. 259 00:21:48,256.6666667 --> 00:21:56,986.6666667 Like it should be doing something that we feel like matters, that feels purposeful, that has meeting, that has at the very least joy or excitement. 260 00:21:57,646.6666667 --> 00:21:58,906.6666667 And I don't feel any of that. 261 00:21:58,936.6666667 --> 00:22:01,126.6666667 Like I wake up every day dreading going to work. 262 00:22:01,126.6666667 --> 00:22:03,16.6666667 Like why, like. 263 00:22:04,336.6666667 --> 00:22:08,506.6666667 And part of it is just that I don't, I don't know what I wanna do. 264 00:22:08,896.6666667 --> 00:22:10,276.6666667 I know like in a big. 265 00:22:10,981.6666667 --> 00:22:14,911.6666667 Like in a big pink cloud kind of way. 266 00:22:14,911.6666667 --> 00:22:18,301.6666667 What I wanna do, of course, I, I wanna, I've always wanted to be a writer. 267 00:22:18,301.6666667 --> 00:22:19,621.6666667 That's why I went to school for writing. 268 00:22:19,621.6666667 --> 00:22:27,601.6666667 That's when I spent my entire childhood being consumed by books and words and writing and making up stories and all this stuff. 269 00:22:27,601.6666667 --> 00:22:27,931.6666667 And. 270 00:22:28,801.6666667 --> 00:22:33,951.6666667 I love reading I'm so exhausted though that I don't even have time to read at night anymore. 271 00:22:33,951.6666667 --> 00:22:35,31.6666667 I'm so tired. 272 00:22:35,301.6666667 --> 00:22:36,801.6666667 I can't even focus on words. 273 00:22:36,801.6666667 --> 00:22:38,211.6666667 I can't listen to an audiobook. 274 00:22:38,211.6666667 --> 00:22:48,921.6666667 I just, I wanna watch Vanderbilt rules and veg out, you know? And that's not good either, but me being an author, me being published and making money and living off of that is like a pipe dream. 275 00:22:49,191.6666667 --> 00:22:52,251.6666667 I'm not saying it's impossible, but like it's a pipe dream. 276 00:22:53,91.6666667 --> 00:22:58,641.6666667 And I don't have the attention span, I don't have the creativity, and I don't have the mental bandwidth to dedicate to that. 277 00:22:59,331.6666667 --> 00:23:12,981.6666667 I also feel like I can't afford to have a job that would allow me to take a, that would force me to take a pay cut that would force me to take a pay cut in order to, have the mental bandwidth and the creative bandwidth. 278 00:23:13,551.6666667 --> 00:23:16,101.6666667 To really just focus on my writing. 279 00:23:16,101.6666667 --> 00:23:19,191.6666667 It's like this catch 22 situation I find myself in. 280 00:23:20,241.6666667 --> 00:23:23,151.6666667 but in the meantime, I don't know what I would wanna do. 281 00:23:23,241.6666667 --> 00:23:25,96.6666667 I, I literally have no idea. 282 00:23:25,146.6666667 --> 00:23:31,626.6666667 Every year my bosses ask me like, what are your goals? What are your ambitions? They don't just have to relate to like this place. 283 00:23:31,906.6666667 --> 00:23:32,926.6666667 They can be anything. 284 00:23:32,926.6666667 --> 00:23:36,316.6666667 Like, we want you to grow, we want you to figure out what we wanna do. 285 00:23:36,316.6666667 --> 00:23:36,736.6666667 All this stuff. 286 00:23:36,766.6666667 --> 00:23:37,546.6666667 I have no idea. 287 00:23:37,546.6666667 --> 00:23:45,706.6666667 Like I feel like I have no interest, I have no ambitions, I have no idea what I wanna do. 288 00:23:45,706.6666667 --> 00:23:47,536.6666667 And that's kind of scary. 289 00:23:47,536.6666667 --> 00:24:03,976.6666667 I worry that part of that is just because One, I don't believe in myself, so I don't allow myself to really think about what is possible because I have such a narrow, small view of myself that the jobs that I think I would qualify for or want are so narrow. 290 00:24:03,976.6666667 --> 00:24:14,386.6666667 I don't allow myself to dream big because I don't believe that I have the skillset or the charm or whatever. 291 00:24:15,646.6666667 --> 00:24:17,986.6666667 To get the result of the dreaming big. 292 00:24:18,46.6666667 --> 00:24:27,586.6666667 You know, like I don't wanna be in constant disappointment 'cause I dreamed big and then couldn't live up to the dream, you know? Which is how I've probably felt most of my life. 293 00:24:28,356.6666667 --> 00:24:31,506.6666667 So I don't know like how to plan, I don't know how to like think about. 294 00:24:32,121.6666667 --> 00:24:35,991.6666667 There's, I can't, you can't create a path forward if you don't know what you're working towards. 295 00:24:36,1.6666667 --> 00:24:37,831.6666667 I don't know what skills to focus on. 296 00:24:37,831.6666667 --> 00:24:42,451.6666667 I thought that going for this PP would help provide that clarity for me, but it hasn't. 297 00:24:42,871.6666667 --> 00:24:50,831.6666667 It's bored me to death is all it's really done it's also just made me more uncertain about the work that I'm already doing, which isn't helpful. 298 00:24:52,541.6666667 --> 00:24:55,271.6666667 I've known for a while that this job does not make me happy. 299 00:24:55,271.6666667 --> 00:24:57,821.6666667 I've known for a while that it doesn't feed my soul. 300 00:24:57,821.6666667 --> 00:25:00,581.6666667 I don't know what else would feed my soul. 301 00:25:03,221.6666667 --> 00:25:18,701.6666667 one time I took like an aptitude test, like this is like a couple years ago when I was also kind of struggling with what I wanted to do Well, I took it twice and one time it came back saying I should be a copywriter for market for marketing. 302 00:25:19,541.6666667 --> 00:25:21,551.6666667 And I about lost my damn mind. 303 00:25:21,881.6666667 --> 00:25:26,171.6666667 And then the other one said, I should be a teacher, which I was like, well, no, duh. 304 00:25:26,171.6666667 --> 00:25:27,761.6666667 But we're kind of past that now. 305 00:25:28,361.6666667 --> 00:25:29,261.6666667 I wanted to die. 306 00:25:29,261.6666667 --> 00:25:32,531.6666667 I was just like, okay, this is not helpful whatsoever. 307 00:25:33,131.6666667 --> 00:25:33,551.6666667 Um. 308 00:25:34,871.6666667 --> 00:25:37,781.6666667 But I, I don't know what I would wanna do otherwise. 309 00:25:37,781.6666667 --> 00:25:39,611.6666667 And I, I think that's kind of sad. 310 00:25:39,611.6666667 --> 00:25:49,861.6666667 I feel like I should, part of it is that I also just, the reason why I can't answer that question, sadly, is because I don't think I know myself very well. 311 00:25:50,441.6666667 --> 00:25:57,341.6666667 Which is part of the reason why I started this podcast, frankly, is to help discover what I like about myself, discover what I'm good at. 312 00:25:57,391.6666667 --> 00:26:07,341.6666667 I think that's part of romanticizing your life and enjoying the pleasure of your own company is learning what you do and don't like learning what your strengths and weaknesses are. 313 00:26:07,341.6666667 --> 00:26:14,361.6666667 Learning what makes you tick and what makes you unique, and what makes you special, and what do you love about yourself I don't really know yet. 314 00:26:14,361.6666667 --> 00:26:20,361.6666667 And not knowing those answers makes it really hard to figure out well, what would I like? Like I'm 38. 315 00:26:20,411.6666667 --> 00:26:23,891.6666667 I don't really have the time or the luxury to just sort of waffle around. 316 00:26:23,891.6666667 --> 00:26:30,571.6666667 It really has to be something that feels, I'm making a career switch intentionally, and I have a pathway forward. 317 00:26:30,571.6666667 --> 00:26:33,271.6666667 I don't do well with the ambiguous. 318 00:26:34,301.6666667 --> 00:26:35,591.6666667 But I don't know what that path would be. 319 00:26:35,591.6666667 --> 00:26:42,271.6666667 So I would just kind of remain stuck and I don't wanna feel like I'm just spinning my wheels and wasting time because I did that in my twenties. 320 00:26:42,271.6666667 --> 00:26:48,451.6666667 I went to school for a bunch of things and tried a bunch of random things to try to make anything happen. 321 00:26:48,501.6666667 --> 00:26:53,141.6666667 I joined a board I volunteered I was writing and I was doing freelance writing. 322 00:26:53,141.6666667 --> 00:26:57,341.6666667 I was doing all these different things to try to find something that would click and nothing really clicked. 323 00:26:57,731.6666667 --> 00:27:01,421.6666667 So I feel like I am out of ideas and options. 324 00:27:01,721.6666667 --> 00:27:07,121.6666667 The only thing that I really felt any passion about. 325 00:27:07,351.6666667 --> 00:27:12,61.6666667 Has been this podcast, and I don't know what that means. 326 00:27:12,111.6666667 --> 00:27:14,841.6666667 And I barely have time to sit down every week and record this podcast. 327 00:27:14,841.6666667 --> 00:27:23,561.6666667 I was hard enough tonight to show up and record this episode, even though I was psyched to do it but I also don't know what does that mean? I'm just not good at betting on myself. 328 00:27:23,561.6666667 --> 00:27:26,231.6666667 I'm not good at taking a risk or taking a gamble. 329 00:27:26,281.6666667 --> 00:27:37,831.6666667 I feel like I'm drawn to unconventional things, but I want to pursue them with a more dimensional career approach or outcome. 330 00:27:37,836.6666667 --> 00:27:40,586.6666667 And I don't think sometimes those two things jive together. 331 00:27:40,876.6666667 --> 00:27:53,896.6666667 I'm just feeling really lost I think that that's important to share with you guys and to talk about, because I don't know, I don't, I don't know if enough people talk about that, like weird burnt out. 332 00:27:53,896.6666667 --> 00:28:05,56.6666667 Adrift kind of feeling like, I think we talk about it after the fact, like once we found our footing and once we found our way, we kind of reflect back on the time when we were feeling lost. 333 00:28:05,116.6666667 --> 00:28:05,956.6666667 But it's kind of. 334 00:28:06,811.6666667 --> 00:28:08,941.6666667 Scary to be lost in the moment. 335 00:28:08,941.6666667 --> 00:28:11,251.6666667 It feels like I'm drifting in gravity. 336 00:28:11,731.6666667 --> 00:28:15,571.6666667 Like I'm out in space, I'm just floating in nothingness. 337 00:28:15,571.6666667 --> 00:28:16,621.6666667 I can't move forward. 338 00:28:16,621.6666667 --> 00:28:17,761.6666667 I can't move back. 339 00:28:18,391.6666667 --> 00:28:19,771.6666667 I'm just floating. 340 00:28:20,641.6666667 --> 00:28:23,101.6666667 And that sounds relaxing, but it's not. 341 00:28:23,616.6666667 --> 00:28:25,271.6666667 I'm just driftless, I'm aimless. 342 00:28:25,271.6666667 --> 00:28:29,381.6666667 I, I don't really know where I'm going or what I wanna do, and. 343 00:28:29,936.6666667 --> 00:28:34,136.6666667 I'm not, I've always thought of myself as like an ambitious, driven person. 344 00:28:34,136.6666667 --> 00:28:49,496.6666667 I think you can be adrift and still be ambitious and driven, but I don't know where to throw my energy into and, and more so I don't even know where I'm supposed to find this energy and muster this energy to throw into something. 345 00:28:50,156.6666667 --> 00:28:55,376.6666667 And to throw into learning a new skill or putting out resumes or. 346 00:28:55,376.6666667 --> 00:28:58,526.6666667 Even just the energy it takes to like shift your attitude. 347 00:28:58,676.6666667 --> 00:29:01,46.6666667 I don't even know that I have that right now in me. 348 00:29:01,796.6666667 --> 00:29:14,216.6666667 It's just a lot of feelings that I've never really had to deal with before and I'm just trying to make better sense of them and I am, maybe it's also because I always get really reflective at the end of the year, like a lot of people do. 349 00:29:14,216.6666667 --> 00:29:15,326.6666667 I'm a big goal setter. 350 00:29:16,281.6666667 --> 00:29:18,21.6666667 I love the start of a new year. 351 00:29:18,21.6666667 --> 00:29:20,391.6666667 I love the start of a new month and a new week. 352 00:29:20,391.6666667 --> 00:29:27,81.6666667 Like I'm one of those people where it's like fresh start, rip off that calendar page and get to a better year. 353 00:29:27,181.6666667 --> 00:29:28,831.6666667 Whole new year, whole new lease on life. 354 00:29:28,831.6666667 --> 00:29:29,611.6666667 Like that whole thing. 355 00:29:29,621.6666667 --> 00:29:36,41.6666667 With it being end of year, I'm obviously thinking a lot about goals around work and career. 356 00:29:36,41.6666667 --> 00:29:38,681.6666667 I'm thinking a lot about goals for my personal life. 357 00:29:39,131.6666667 --> 00:29:46,421.6666667 I also know that like at some point I have to just tell my employer, I don't wanna take this test anymore. 358 00:29:46,541.6666667 --> 00:29:48,701.6666667 And I'm still waffling on that decision. 359 00:29:48,751.6666667 --> 00:29:50,11.6666667 But I just don't feel like it. 360 00:29:53,341.6666667 --> 00:29:57,121.6666667 I feel like it would feel really good to say no to something and just say. 361 00:29:57,736.6666667 --> 00:29:59,476.6666667 No, I'm not taking that on. 362 00:29:59,476.6666667 --> 00:30:10,776.6666667 Or even just to say I am putting this on the back burner for six months to really figure out if this is something I really wanna do, because I've, if, if I really wanted it, I think I would've taken the test by now. 363 00:30:10,986.6666667 --> 00:30:22,266.6666667 And I don't know why I don't want it, but I just know that right now I don't want, I don't know if it's a timing thing, if it's a mental thing, if it's a confidence thing, if it's a fear thing, or if it's just a simple. 364 00:30:22,511.6666667 --> 00:30:23,921.6666667 I don't care. 365 00:30:23,921.6666667 --> 00:30:26,351.6666667 I don't fucking want it kind of thing. 366 00:30:26,811.6666667 --> 00:30:47,61.6666667 Maybe it's a fear of if I take this certification that I'm gonna feel trapped and obligated to keep pursuing this career path that gives me nothing I sunk this money and this time into it and I need to do something with it now, and I can't let it be another thing that I've accomplished and gone on a shiny piece of paper for and then done nothing with. 367 00:30:47,121.6666667 --> 00:30:50,721.6666667 That's probably a big part of it, So it's the end of the year. 368 00:30:50,721.6666667 --> 00:30:56,331.6666667 I've just been thinking a lot about what I want, what I wanna do, and what I wanna put my energy into. 369 00:30:56,331.6666667 --> 00:31:01,11.6666667 In 20 26, 20 25 was a killer of a year. 370 00:31:01,11.6666667 --> 00:31:10,761.6666667 It has been a tough, tough year and I know we have two months left to go, and I don't know that 2026 with the way 2025 has been going. 371 00:31:11,511.6666667 --> 00:31:15,681.6666667 Across a lot of different areas in life. 372 00:31:16,131.6666667 --> 00:31:23,871.6666667 I don't know that 2026 is necessarily gonna be like that breath of freshs that we need, um, and that we hope for it. 373 00:31:23,991.6666667 --> 00:31:30,21.6666667 It could just very well be a lot of, a lot more of the same old bullshit, frankly. 374 00:31:30,21.6666667 --> 00:31:30,111.6666667 And. 375 00:31:30,111.6666667 --> 00:31:36,681.6666667 But I think it's a good time to start to think about, I'm being prompted in a lot of ways to think about what I want and what I need. 376 00:31:37,191.6666667 --> 00:31:43,576.6666667 And, um, that, and especially with being so burnt out honestly, most of this year I felt really burnt out. 377 00:31:44,736.6666667 --> 00:31:49,326.6666667 It's just really making me go, like, you can't, I can't keep, something's gotta give, something's gotta change. 378 00:31:49,326.6666667 --> 00:31:52,956.6666667 I can't keep doing the same things over and over again. 379 00:31:52,956.6666667 --> 00:32:05,521.6666667 And the little bits that I am trying to improve on, like mentally and physically are helpful, but they're not solving, like some of these bigger issues that are, are probably holding me back. 380 00:32:05,521.6666667 --> 00:32:12,451.6666667 Like I, I really do think like staying at a job you hate and being angry about it all the time and being stressed about it all the time. 381 00:32:13,306.6666667 --> 00:32:20,746.6666667 Not feeling like you have work life balance a lot of the time, and that you don't, and that you also don't feel like you're gaining anything financially. 382 00:32:20,746.6666667 --> 00:32:23,266.6666667 I'm not really gaining skillsets either. 383 00:32:23,266.6666667 --> 00:32:37,186.6666667 Like while I'm there and I'm not getting anything that I want to do more in the future, I'm just continuing to like sink myself deeper and deeper into this marketing hole that I desperately wanna get out of, but don't really know what I would replace it with. 384 00:32:38,266.6666667 --> 00:32:43,936.6666667 This, this episode was really rambly, but it felt good to get a lot off of my mind. 385 00:32:45,256.6666667 --> 00:32:56,376.6666667 I'm sure that there are so many of you that are in a similar spot or have been in the same spot where you're just like, what am I doing with my life?, Maybe I'm just having like an early midlife crisis. 386 00:32:56,376.6666667 --> 00:32:59,856.6666667 I just, maybe that that does kind of feel like what this is. 387 00:32:59,856.6666667 --> 00:33:03,216.6666667 It just feels like, I know 38 is still relatively young. 388 00:33:03,216.6666667 --> 00:33:04,56.6666667 I don't feel young. 389 00:33:04,56.6666667 --> 00:33:06,816.6666667 I feel old as fuck, but I don't know. 390 00:33:06,816.6666667 --> 00:33:08,346.6666667 I just feel like I'm questioning. 391 00:33:08,781.6666667 --> 00:33:16,311.6666667 Every facet of my life and really just trying to find more meaning in my life. 392 00:33:16,391.6666667 --> 00:33:27,851.6666667 I just think we should all be able to do something that makes us happy and makes us feel fulfilled and makes us feel like we're contributing to something bigger than ourselves and bigger than a profit and loss sheet. 393 00:33:28,931.6666667 --> 00:33:32,411.6666667 I wanna wake up in the morning feeling excited about my life. 394 00:33:32,411.6666667 --> 00:33:32,861.6666667 I wanna. 395 00:33:33,656.6666667 --> 00:33:42,356.6666667 Wake up in the morning excited by the possibilities and the challenges that I'm gonna face instead of feeling overwhelmed and defeated constantly. 396 00:33:42,866.6666667 --> 00:33:48,876.6666667 I wanna feel vibrant and I wanna feel energetic, and I wanna feel. 397 00:33:48,876.6666667 --> 00:33:53,856.6666667 Like, I'm bringing my best self to every day of my life, and I don't feel like that right now. 398 00:33:54,96.6666667 --> 00:33:56,736.6666667 I wanna find ways to resolve that. 399 00:33:57,246.6666667 --> 00:34:03,546.6666667 I think our jobs and our livelihoods are a big factor in our day-to-day lives. 400 00:34:03,546.6666667 --> 00:34:09,851.6666667 And I know that this job has contributed to like my amount of, the amount of anger that I talked about. 401 00:34:10,541.6666667 --> 00:34:14,351.6666667 In recent episodes and it doesn't help. 402 00:34:14,441.6666667 --> 00:34:16,691.6666667 So I'm just really, I, that's where I'm at. 403 00:34:16,691.6666667 --> 00:34:32,171.6666667 So anyway, if you have ever dealt with this, if you felt burnt out, if you felt kind of career fatigue, if you've felt aimless and adrift, please reach out to me on Instagram at Solitary Creature Pod. 404 00:34:32,996.6666667 --> 00:34:37,496.6666667 Let me know about your experience, how you got yourself out of it. 405 00:34:37,586.6666667 --> 00:34:51,236.6666667 Are there books that you read? Are there workbooks that you tried? I'm still gonna think about therapy, but I'm still gonna think about therapy, but it just feels like a, it feels like another thing to add to my list right now, and I'm just really trying to take things off my list. 406 00:34:51,946.6666667 --> 00:34:58,126.6666667 I almost wish that I could afford a career coach more than a therapist, which sounds crazy. 407 00:34:58,176.6666667 --> 00:34:59,826.6666667 Anyway, thanks for listening. 408 00:34:59,856.6666667 --> 00:35:00,426.6666667 Bye.