The Mind-Body Connection

This week I'm gabbing about struggles with confidence and getting out of my own head, how movement improves my focus and energy, and why I think my hip pain might be linked to stress. 

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hello.
Hello.
Hi everyone.
Thanks for joining me.
It's Steph and welcome to another episode of Solitary Creature.
This week I'm finally getting to my episode about body that I've been promising to do for a few weeks.
Now, before I dive into this episode, I wanna just call something out.

(00:22):
Body is such a loaded topic for me.
I think it's a loaded topic for a lot of people.
It's extremely personal, and when I say body, I am not just talking about weight.
I think that's where a lot of people's minds naturally go for a long time.
That's definitely where mine went.
I had very myopic view, when it came to body, and I'm gonna talk about weight and body image, but I'm also going to talk about things like confidence and a lot about the mind body connection because that's what I have been thinking about, especially the last few weeks, a little bit less about like my physical body in terms of weight and more just about how my mood and my feeling and my body all kind of work together.

(01:06):
And I also wanna talk about the importance of movement, like what movement has meant for me, or my mental and my physical health.
I've been trying to work a lot on moving more and.
Being more aware of getting in different types of movement instead of just doing the same thing all the time.
So I know body is a loaded topic for a lot of people, so I just wanna make a big disclaimer at the starts episode.

(01:32):
This podcast is about me.
And what I'm learning on my mindfulness and self-improvement journey, I hope that you listen and find things that resonate with you.
But this podcast really centers around my story, my life, my learnings, and how those learnings fit in my own personal life, my own viewpoints, the things I do every day.

(01:58):
So I'm not saying everyone has to think.
About their body the same way I do.
I think everyone has to have their own relationship with their body.
You have to trust and learn what feels right for you and your journey.
And also a journey is an evolution.
I'm learning different things every day that shift my perspective about a lot of things in tiny ways.

(02:21):
So keep that in mind as you're listening, and when you're out in the greater world listening to other people's stories.
Ev everyone's experience is different and I think that's what makes us all unique and I think that's what makes learning from other people so great.
And just because someone has one experience doesn't mean you have to have the same experience.

(02:43):
It doesn't mean you have to have the same takeaways.
It doesn't mean you have to have the same priorities.
I think when anybody talks about anything to do with the body, it's really putting yourself out there in a really vulnerable way.
And for a lot of people, any topic around body comes with a lot of shame and fear, and sometimes disappointment and insecurity.

(03:05):
And so I think we all just need to be a little bit more respectful about where people are at with their bodies, and especially when they're willing to talk candidly about something that can be very vulnerable.
I think it's so easy to judge people and to jump on them and say, you should do this.
You shouldn't do that.
That's wrong.
This is right.
But it's an evolution and we just need to spend more time listening and less time judging other people.

(03:30):
I've decided to split this topic actually into two episodes.
The first episode, I'm gonna really focus on that mind body connection, like I said it earlier.
And then the next episode, I'm gonna dive more into weight loss.
I have a long history with like binge eating and emotional eating and eating disorder.
So I'm gonna talk about some of that.

(03:50):
So I figured if you don't wanna listen to either one of these episodes, if for whatever reason one is triggering, or maybe both, just that way you don't have to try to fast forward through the episode.
You can just skip whatever episode doesn't feel right for you altogether, and just make it easy.
Alright? So with that preamble done, let's get into it.

(04:15):
So at the top, I just wanna say that I've struggled with body image my entire life.
There has only been a few fleeting moments where I felt really at home in my body.
And to be honest, in those moments, it was really more of a, like a fake it till you make it kind of confidence.
As soon as I felt like I couldn't fake it anymore, as soon as I started to have that.

(04:39):
Dip that ebb and flow kind of feeling in my confidence and it was just like slightly shaken or I just wasn't on top of my game.
And sometimes mentally I just couldn't, I just couldn't fake it.
It was like too much to fake it on certain days.
So as soon as I felt like I couldn't fake it anymore, I didn't feel confident and that sent me into shame, spirals and guilt.

(04:59):
And it's really crushing.
As quickly as I rose into what felt was confidence, I quickly came crashing down out of it.
And some of you may be thinking, wait, why are you talking about confidence? I thought you weren't talking about weight this episode.
And to that, I say exactly, I don't think your confidence should be associated with your weight at all.

(05:22):
Because your weight is going to fluctuate throughout your life, whether you have struggled with weight, whether you're happy with your weight, whether you wanna lose weight, whether you wanna gain weight, whatever the case may be.
I don't think your confidence should be tied to like your actual physical body.
It shouldn't be tied to your weight.
You have to I have been trying really hard to find confidence in other ways outside of just what is my weight? And some of those are still connected to like my physicality.

(05:48):
But they're more like little boosters versus telling myself, like I can only feel confident when I'm at this kind of weight, or I can only feel confident when I'm dressed a certain way, or I can only feel confident if I'm wearing makeup.
I'm trying to like move outside of those really black and white circumstances and just be like, I'm confident because I am. 66 00:06:12,603.33333333 --> 00:06:15,393.33333333 Self-assured is more what I'm working for. 67 00:06:15,393.33333333 --> 00:06:31,533.33333333 Confidence that comes from a sense of self-assuredness and loving myself and that it doesn't matter what I look like, what I weigh, what I'm wearing, that I am, I love myself enough and my confidence comes out of a lot of self-love. 68 00:06:32,133.33333333 --> 00:06:33,633.33333333 And that's been a really tough journey. 69 00:06:33,813.33333333 --> 00:06:36,63.33333333 That's really easy to say that's the goal. 70 00:06:36,453.33333333 --> 00:06:43,713.33333333 Am I doing a great job at it? No, not really, but I'm trying Every day I am trying to find new ways to appreciate myself. 71 00:06:43,713.33333333 --> 00:06:46,533.33333333 That's why during this breakup that I'm going through and. 72 00:06:47,326.66666667 --> 00:06:54,556.66666667 Everything that you read tells you to focus more on yourself and self-care and self-love, and make time for yourself and get back to your hobbies. 73 00:06:54,556.66666667 --> 00:07:02,296.66666667 And I think all of that is true for healing a broken heart and moving on from things that aren't working and all of that stuff. 74 00:07:02,296.66666667 --> 00:07:09,316.66666667 But I think it is also just good for, it's good for your soul and it's also, I think, good for your confidence. 75 00:07:09,316.66666667 --> 00:07:13,126.66666667 I'm, I feel better when my days feel full. 76 00:07:13,831.66666667 --> 00:07:19,81.66666667 Not that I have to be like, it's not necessarily like a productivity thing, it's more just like my life feels full. 77 00:07:19,81.66666667 --> 00:07:20,671.66666667 I feel most multifaceted. 78 00:07:20,681.66666667 --> 00:07:31,841.66666667 Like I have hobbies, I have interests, I I do more than just sit around and watch TV and worry about all the things that I'm not doing. 79 00:07:31,841.66666667 --> 00:07:36,101.66666667 I feel like I'm actually living life and that makes me feel confident and it really does. 80 00:07:36,151.66666667 --> 00:07:37,351.66666667 And I think the more. 81 00:07:37,726.66666667 --> 00:07:52,841.66666667 I learn about myself and the more I feel capable in different things, especially when you try new things, nothing makes me feel more confident than really crushing something or overcoming a fear or just uncovering something new about myself. 82 00:07:52,891.66666667 --> 00:07:54,751.66666667 It's like the more I learn about myself. 83 00:07:55,576.66666667 --> 00:08:20,261.66666667 The more I feel like a fully formed person and the more I'm giving myself like more material to feel confident about and feel secure about because instead of just my life feeling very small and how I define myself feeling very small, when you only have a handful of activities it feels like you have to be killing it at all of those things in order to feel good about yourself. 84 00:08:21,461.66666667 --> 00:08:33,851.66666667 But when I feel like I have a full plate and I'm trying different things, it's okay to not always be great at something, but when you are great at something, it feels really awesome and it also feels Multidimensional. 85 00:08:33,851.66666667 --> 00:08:36,641.66666667 I just feel like I have more going on. 86 00:08:37,151.66666667 --> 00:08:40,661.66666667 I'm a more fully fleshed person. 87 00:08:41,461.66666667 --> 00:08:44,341.66666667 And I don't know, there's just something about that just feels like really good. 88 00:08:44,341.66666667 --> 00:08:49,731.66666667 It's like it gives me the freedom to fail and that's also like really tied to my confidence. 89 00:08:49,911.66666667 --> 00:08:54,531.66666667 It doesn't matter if I'm not good enough at everything because. 90 00:08:54,876.66666667 --> 00:09:04,986.66666667 Tomorrow will bring like another thing that I'm gonna try and I might be good at that thing or I might not, but like eventually I'm gonna find things that I'm good at. 91 00:09:04,986.66666667 --> 00:09:14,196.66666667 And I think there's just something about feeling kind of badass about trying something and seeing if it works and if it doesn't, like no big whoop and being able to move on from that. 92 00:09:14,196.66666667 --> 00:09:17,586.66666667 I think that is also the sign of a confident person. 93 00:09:18,496.66666667 --> 00:09:26,446.66666667 I'm saying all this as someone whose confidence was, has almost entirely been tied to how her body looks and how she feels in her body her entire life. 94 00:09:26,446.66666667 --> 00:09:28,846.66666667 So all of this is like very new to me. 95 00:09:29,206.66666667 --> 00:09:31,186.66666667 This is not something I've mastered at all. 96 00:09:31,366.66666667 --> 00:09:38,446.66666667 It's just something that I've observed and especially like maybe the last 3, 4, 5 months. 97 00:09:38,866.66666667 --> 00:09:47,776.66666667 And and that's not to say that all the things that I'm trying to do and all the things I'm learning have only come exclusively during the end of a relationship. 98 00:09:48,286.66666667 --> 00:09:57,856.66666667 While I was in my relationship, I also was like with someone who made me feel really good about trying new things and someone who made me, feel really. 99 00:09:57,856.66666667 --> 00:10:02,416.66666667 Safe to try new things and to feel like I wasn't being judged. 100 00:10:02,416.66666667 --> 00:10:05,316.66666667 And that helped me take leaps doing things. 101 00:10:05,626.66666667 --> 00:10:07,456.66666667 Especially as a bigger person. 102 00:10:07,456.66666667 --> 00:10:08,926.66666667 I'm a fat girl. 103 00:10:09,76.66666667 --> 00:10:19,806.66666667 So it's not always the easiest to go climb through the woods or like crawl through a Rocky River or, go hike up the side of a mountain or whatever. 104 00:10:19,856.66666667 --> 00:10:27,786.66666667 So when I was with someone who really made me feel like it was okay, like I wasn't gonna be judged for doing that, he was gonna help me, he was gonna let me go at my own pace. 105 00:10:28,26.66666667 --> 00:10:34,86.66666667 For a long time I was with someone in previous relationship who like, I did not feel safe to try things. 106 00:10:34,86.66666667 --> 00:10:38,436.66666667 That's why I stayed in my bubble and I think ultimately why I lacked confidence. 107 00:10:39,876.66666667 --> 00:10:42,756.66666667 I was just doing the same old thing and I didn't feel safe. 108 00:10:42,756.66666667 --> 00:10:47,496.66666667 I didn't feel supported physically, emotionally, during trying new things. 109 00:10:48,246.66666667 --> 00:10:57,936.66666667 And I felt like if I wasn't moving fast enough, if I wasn't doing something perfectly right then I was like ruining someone else's good time. 110 00:10:58,116.66666667 --> 00:11:02,166.66666667 But with my most recent boyfriend, I didn't feel that way. 111 00:11:02,466.66666667 --> 00:11:04,496.66666667 I felt he just wanted to spend time with me. 112 00:11:04,496.66666667 --> 00:11:16,826.66666667 So it didn't matter if we didn't actually get across the river or if it took a little longer or if he had to, hold my hand while I tried to climb down the side of a, an embankment to get to a river. 113 00:11:16,826.66666667 --> 00:11:19,446.66666667 So he really pushed me outside of my comfort zone a lot. 114 00:11:19,446.66666667 --> 00:11:24,136.66666667 And if there's anything that I take away from that relationship, that is one of the big ones. 115 00:11:24,456.66666667 --> 00:11:40,221.66666667 And that did help boost my confidence I would often start off doing like an activity and feeling so aware of my body, but the more at ease I felt and the safer I felt and the more confidence I felt like just getting that rush of oh yeah, go meet. 116 00:11:40,221.66666667 --> 00:11:42,51.66666667 I would forget about my body. 117 00:11:42,51.66666667 --> 00:11:45,411.66666667 I would forget about how my body probably looks as I'm like. 118 00:11:45,411.66666667 --> 00:11:53,351.66666667 Rolling down this embankment, I would forget about how big my ass must look or how my fat roll looks or whatever. 119 00:11:53,401.66666667 --> 00:12:09,211.66666667 The more I could get immersed in the thing that I was doing, the less I was conscious of my body, and it's a really good feeling to just feel like you're in the moment doing something, especially when you're someone where maybe you are thinking about your body a lot of the day. 120 00:12:09,241.66666667 --> 00:12:11,81.66666667 And I am thinking about my body a lot. 121 00:12:11,81.66666667 --> 00:12:16,216.66666667 It's hard not to but so much of my body and my mind really go hand in hand. 122 00:12:16,216.66666667 --> 00:12:18,196.66666667 And I, I think that's probably true for most people. 123 00:12:18,826.66666667 --> 00:12:21,616.66666667 When I feel good in my body, my mind feels clear. 124 00:12:21,616.66666667 --> 00:12:30,556.66666667 My world feels a lot lighter, everything feels a little bit more manageable, and it feels less like I'm trudging through mud. 125 00:12:30,956.66666667 --> 00:12:33,116.66666667 Everything just feels a little bit more doable. 126 00:12:33,116.66666667 --> 00:12:34,616.66666667 I feel present in my body. 127 00:12:34,616.66666667 --> 00:12:35,816.66666667 I feel strong. 128 00:12:35,846.66666667 --> 00:12:36,986.66666667 I feel at peace. 129 00:12:36,986.66666667 --> 00:12:44,486.66666667 I just spent so much of my life being so consumed by my body, by my weight, what I look like, I wasn't focusing on how I feel. 130 00:12:45,116.66666667 --> 00:12:46,256.66666667 I wasn't present. 131 00:12:46,316.66666667 --> 00:12:51,296.66666667 I was just so in my head and I was worried and I was fretting and. 132 00:12:51,296.66666667 --> 00:12:52,196.66666667 Spiraling. 133 00:12:52,256.66666667 --> 00:12:58,946.66666667 And I think I'm finally getting to the point where I don't know, I don't know if it, maybe a part of it is just age too. 134 00:12:58,946.66666667 --> 00:13:05,36.66666667 They say once you get into like your thirties and especially as you move closer to your forties, you just kinda don't give a shit anymore. 135 00:13:05,86.66666667 --> 00:13:09,386.66666667 You realize that it doesn't matter what people think you've probably wasted a lot of your life. 136 00:13:09,386.66666667 --> 00:13:11,36.66666667 Worried about what people think of you. 137 00:13:11,736.66666667 --> 00:13:17,166.66666667 So just some days it just feels a lot easier just to move through life and be like, I could care less. 138 00:13:17,166.66666667 --> 00:13:23,676.66666667 Like I have bigger fish to fry than worry about if someone thinks my back fat is ugly. 139 00:13:24,706.66666667 --> 00:13:27,916.66666667 In addition to just like trying new things and finding confidence in that. 140 00:13:27,916.66666667 --> 00:13:33,926.66666667 I'm also finding that the more I move, the more confident I feel which I didn't expect. 141 00:13:34,326.66666667 --> 00:13:36,846.66666667 I live a very sedentary life. 142 00:13:36,876.66666667 --> 00:13:37,506.66666667 I always have. 143 00:13:37,506.66666667 --> 00:13:38,946.66666667 I'm very much a home buddy. 144 00:13:39,526.66666667 --> 00:13:41,116.66666667 I work from home now. 145 00:13:41,326.66666667 --> 00:13:48,346.66666667 I've been working from home for a few years I sit at my desk a lot and so like it's, you don't get as much movement baked into your day. 146 00:13:48,466.66666667 --> 00:13:54,766.66666667 And if I was already out after work, it was so much easier to go to the gym or go for a walk around the reservoir or something. 147 00:13:54,766.66666667 --> 00:13:57,886.66666667 It was like a lot easier to do those things than it is when you work from home. 148 00:13:57,886.66666667 --> 00:14:09,396.66666667 I feel like I have to make more of an effort to move so I have been trying to be more conscious of that and when I say workout, I'm not like workout, I just mean like workout in terms of let me go for a walk. 149 00:14:09,696.66666667 --> 00:14:14,346.66666667 Let me do aerobics while I'm watching tv. 150 00:14:14,586.66666667 --> 00:14:16,386.66666667 Let me do a workout video. 151 00:14:16,476.66666667 --> 00:14:18,826.66666667 Let me use my rowing machine. 152 00:14:18,826.66666667 --> 00:14:20,826.66666667 Let me just do a bunch of. 153 00:14:20,826.66666667 --> 00:14:25,596.66666667 Going up and down the stairs, like it could be anything, but I'm just like trying to be more mindful of movement. 154 00:14:25,596.66666667 --> 00:14:38,416.66666667 I'm even doing a lot of those, like I feel like are what women in the nineties probably did a lot of I'm gonna park my car at the very end of the at the very end of the parking lot. 155 00:14:38,416.66666667 --> 00:14:40,96.66666667 So it just forces me to. 156 00:14:40,96.66666667 --> 00:14:46,106.66666667 Walk a little bit more, just like little things like that, which feels so much like what my mom did in Weight Watchers. 157 00:14:46,106.66666667 --> 00:14:53,6.66666667 But the point is that I'm trying to move more, partially to stay off boredom, partially to clear my mind. 158 00:14:53,36.66666667 --> 00:14:58,506.66666667 But when I move more, when I exercise more, I do just feel better. 159 00:14:58,536.66666667 --> 00:14:59,496.66666667 Like regardless of. 160 00:14:59,496.66666667 --> 00:15:00,876.66666667 Even not even for weight loss. 161 00:15:00,876.66666667 --> 00:15:01,806.66666667 That's not what I'm talking about. 162 00:15:01,806.66666667 --> 00:15:05,16.66666667 I'm talking about just like it does clear my mind. 163 00:15:05,16.66666667 --> 00:15:06,666.66666667 It does help me refocus. 164 00:15:07,36.66666667 --> 00:15:07,876.66666667 It does energize me. 165 00:15:07,876.66666667 --> 00:15:13,711.66666667 If I work out in the morning on the weekend, I just feel like I have a lot of energy for the rest of the day and it really gets me going. 166 00:15:13,711.66666667 --> 00:15:17,131.66666667 I think there's also a part of me that feels like it's crossing something off my to-do list. 167 00:15:17,476.66666667 --> 00:15:20,16.66666667 That also gets me going for the day. 168 00:15:20,16.66666667 --> 00:15:23,166.66666667 I'm a very stressed out person. 169 00:15:23,166.66666667 --> 00:15:29,706.66666667 I'm like a high, strong, very type a, very anal, I'm constantly stressed out. 170 00:15:29,706.66666667 --> 00:15:33,816.66666667 I have a million things on the to-do list in my mind. 171 00:15:34,696.66666667 --> 00:15:36,271.66666667 I never feel like I'm getting enough done. 172 00:15:36,643.33333333 --> 00:15:40,843.33333333 I also am dealing with a lot of anger stemming from my last relationship. 173 00:15:40,843.33333333 --> 00:15:44,793.33333333 So like that also feeds into my stress and my anxiety levels. 174 00:15:44,793.33333333 --> 00:15:49,263.33333333 So just being able to move more it's like a kinetic release of all of that. 175 00:15:49,263.33333333 --> 00:15:56,33.33333333 It's it sounds like such a crop when you're not moving a lot and people are telling you like, it'll make you feel better, go for a walk. 176 00:15:56,33.33333333 --> 00:15:57,313.33333333 It's just fuck yourself. 177 00:15:57,913.33333333 --> 00:16:01,33.33333333 But then when you actually do it, you're like, okay, maybe don't go fuck yourself. 178 00:16:01,33.33333333 --> 00:16:02,413.33333333 That was actually good advice. 179 00:16:03,283.33333333 --> 00:16:04,243.33333333 So I've been trying to like. 180 00:16:04,588.33333333 --> 00:16:05,938.33333333 Be more mindful. 181 00:16:05,943.33333333 --> 00:16:06,748.33333333 Mindful of that. 182 00:16:07,378.33333333 --> 00:16:20,438.33333333 And it was funny the other day, this is probably actually like more like a week or so ago now, but the other day I was like, okay, like I'm getting bored of just walking on my treadmill watching housewives, like I wanna do something else. 183 00:16:20,488.33333333 --> 00:16:25,138.33333333 I feel like my hips just need a little bit more stretch or move my body in a slightly different way. 184 00:16:25,138.33333333 --> 00:16:28,108.33333333 I feel like I'm just moving the same muscles in the same way. 185 00:16:28,108.33333333 --> 00:16:29,308.33333333 I need something a little bit different. 186 00:16:30,238.33333333 --> 00:16:34,388.33333333 So when I was a kid, I I loved tennis. 187 00:16:34,388.33333333 --> 00:16:37,318.33333333 I was huge tennis person, like a crazy amount of tennis. 188 00:16:37,988.33333333 --> 00:16:54,118.3333333 It's crazy to think now that I used to go to tennis, practice after school, come home, do homework, go for a run, and then go play more tennis and play till the, some went down or whatever, and then come home and do more homework. 189 00:16:54,118.3333333 --> 00:16:58,378.3333333 It's wild and that like when I didn't have to work, I could play tennis. 190 00:16:58,843.3333333 --> 00:17:00,823.3333333 Sun up to sundown, like I just loved it. 191 00:17:00,823.3333333 --> 00:17:01,963.3333333 It's crazy how much. 192 00:17:02,13.3333333 --> 00:17:06,993.3333333 Something doesn't feel like exercise and doesn't feel like movement when it's something that you really love. 193 00:17:07,653.3333333 --> 00:17:12,123.3333333 I also used to have a giant trampoline and again, I used to be out there for hours. 194 00:17:12,123.3333333 --> 00:17:24,498.3333333 I just listened to, this is gonna age me, but I used to listen to my Walkman on the trampoline and I would just jump for hours and hours, just like listening to music out in the sun. 195 00:17:24,498.3333333 --> 00:17:26,868.3333333 That was like how I would spend most of my summer. 196 00:17:27,48.3333333 --> 00:17:27,798.3333333 I just loved it. 197 00:17:28,348.3333333 --> 00:17:30,718.3333333 But another thing I really loved was dancing. 198 00:17:31,348.3333333 --> 00:17:33,768.3333333 Not any formally trained dancing. 199 00:17:33,768.3333333 --> 00:17:34,518.3333333 That's not what I'm talking about. 200 00:17:34,518.3333333 --> 00:17:36,708.3333333 I didn't do ballet or tap or anything like that. 201 00:17:36,978.3333333 --> 00:17:42,458.3333333 I just mean listening to music, dancing in my room, maybe doing like a workout video when I was a kid. 202 00:17:42,538.3333333 --> 00:17:46,228.3333333 I, if you're younger, you're probably not even gonna know who this person is, which is crazy to me. 203 00:17:46,228.3333333 --> 00:17:48,188.3333333 But carbon Electra. 204 00:17:48,773.3333333 --> 00:17:52,403.3333333 Was, I guess like a Playboy playmate slash actress slash model. 205 00:17:52,433.3333333 --> 00:18:03,413.3333333 I, she doesn't really have a much of a career now, but she used to have these like stripper move videos, strip tease videos or whatever. 206 00:18:03,473.3333333 --> 00:18:05,363.3333333 I used to love them. 207 00:18:05,363.3333333 --> 00:18:07,373.3333333 They were so fun. 208 00:18:07,423.3333333 --> 00:18:09,373.3333333 But anyway, so I used to do those a lot too. 209 00:18:09,373.3333333 --> 00:18:09,608.3333333 I don't. 210 00:18:10,798.3333333 --> 00:18:13,828.3333333 I don't, I think my parents were just so excited that I was exercising. 211 00:18:13,828.3333333 --> 00:18:17,878.3333333 I don't think they cared what I was doing, but I would be shocked now if I like walked in. 212 00:18:17,878.3333333 --> 00:18:22,68.3333333 My 15-year-old was doing like a strip dancer video. 213 00:18:22,568.3333333 --> 00:18:23,198.3333333 It was wild. 214 00:18:23,198.3333333 --> 00:18:29,918.3333333 But anyway, so I was like, I was thinking about okay, let me try to do something a little bit different than just like walk on my treadmill. 215 00:18:30,133.3333333 --> 00:18:53,933.3333333 So I found this YouTube video this YouTube channel Caleb Marshall he does like choreographed dances to like pop songs, and it's him and usually like a couple dancers and some of them are filmed in studio, and then some of them are filmed, There's some canyon in, I'm assuming California, and they're on like some pull off and they reduce just doing it outside is my point. 216 00:18:53,933.3333333 --> 00:18:59,423.3333333 But anyway, so I watched like a bunch of his videos and I love his energy. 217 00:19:00,158.3333333 --> 00:19:07,908.3333333 And some of the videos like seemed okay, I could probably, they seem easy enough, and so I decided to do one of them. 218 00:19:07,908.3333333 --> 00:19:10,548.3333333 It was like a Saturday morning, so I was like, you know what? Like I don't have anything to lose. 219 00:19:10,598.3333333 --> 00:19:16,688.3333333 Let me find like a playlist of five or six videos and let me just see how it goes. 220 00:19:16,688.3333333 --> 00:19:19,13.3333333 Like I'll just do, that'll be like my workout for the morning. 221 00:19:20,363.3333333 --> 00:19:30,323.3333333 So I did that and it, I don't know what it was you guys, but it took me so long to work up the nerve. 222 00:19:30,773.3333333 --> 00:19:32,153.3333333 The video was playing. 223 00:19:32,423.3333333 --> 00:19:34,313.3333333 I'm fully in my workout gear. 224 00:19:34,313.3333333 --> 00:19:35,123.3333333 I'm ready to go. 225 00:19:35,183.3333333 --> 00:19:40,13.3333333 The curtains are drawn, and I was so self-conscious. 226 00:19:41,123.3333333 --> 00:19:45,413.3333333 It was such a strange feeling like I live in my own house. 227 00:19:46,23.3333333 --> 00:19:47,73.3333333 There's no one that lives with me. 228 00:19:47,73.3333333 --> 00:19:48,183.3333333 It's just me and the cats. 229 00:19:48,183.3333333 --> 00:19:50,733.3333333 So no, it's not like I have a roommate that's gonna walk in. 230 00:19:51,393.3333333 --> 00:19:54,393.3333333 It's not like I'm living with someone and they're gonna see me. 231 00:19:54,883.3333333 --> 00:19:55,753.3333333 The currents are close. 232 00:19:55,753.3333333 --> 00:19:57,253.3333333 It's not like anyone outside can see me. 233 00:19:58,573.3333333 --> 00:19:59,293.3333333 I don't know. 234 00:19:59,323.3333333 --> 00:20:00,373.3333333 It was strange. 235 00:20:00,373.3333333 --> 00:20:19,373.3333333 It's like you always think that the reason why I'm someone who like get a gym membership and I would go sometimes, but I feel really self-conscious and wouldn't go as much as I knew I should and wanted to because I just felt so in my own head about it because I just felt everyone's watching me and it's just like now I'm in my own home. 236 00:20:19,403.3333333 --> 00:20:24,23.3333333 There's literally no one around and I'm still feeling that same. 237 00:20:25,388.3333333 --> 00:20:28,598.3333333 Self-conscious energy, like I'm still like, someone's gonna see me. 238 00:20:28,598.3333333 --> 00:20:29,858.3333333 What if I look foolish? I'm like. 239 00:20:30,413.3333333 --> 00:20:32,543.3333333 To who? It's just me. 240 00:20:33,143.3333333 --> 00:20:40,233.3333333 And I realized that maybe it really hasn't been about how, I'm worried about how other people are gonna view me. 241 00:20:40,233.3333333 --> 00:20:46,263.3333333 Maybe this whole time, my self-esteem has really just been about how I know it's called self-esteem. 242 00:20:46,263.3333333 --> 00:20:52,593.3333333 So like maybe some people, this is the, but for me it was like my self-esteem doesn't actually have to do with like how I. 243 00:20:52,923.3333333 --> 00:20:54,543.3333333 Worry other people are gonna perceive me. 244 00:20:54,543.3333333 --> 00:21:05,73.3333333 It really just has to do with like how much I love myself and how much I value myself and whether I'm embarrassed for myself because no one's around right now and I'm still feeling very embarrassed. 245 00:21:05,73.3333333 --> 00:21:14,353.3333333 And I don't know if that's just the way I feel in public has been so internalized that it just like runs so deep that now that's just like my automatic response but it was odd and. 246 00:21:14,353.3333333 --> 00:21:21,343.3333333 It just hit me how uncomfortable I am in my own body and how much confidence I lack and how much I struggle with it. 247 00:21:21,343.3333333 --> 00:21:26,373.3333333 And it was like probably 25, 30 minute video, like the playlist. 248 00:21:26,943.3333333 --> 00:21:32,113.3333333 And once I got started It probably took me like half the video to just get comfortable moving at all. 249 00:21:32,113.3333333 --> 00:21:36,613.3333333 I was so stiff I couldn't keep up, because I was being so stiff. 250 00:21:36,913.3333333 --> 00:21:39,13.3333333 Like I knew what the moves were. 251 00:21:39,13.3333333 --> 00:21:44,993.3333333 I can do the moves, but it was like I couldn't allow myself just to be loose and limber and flow into the moves. 252 00:21:44,993.3333333 --> 00:21:47,513.3333333 I was like botting it the whole time. 253 00:21:48,273.3333333 --> 00:21:48,363.3333333 And. 254 00:21:50,13.3333333 --> 00:21:54,783.3333333 I know that part of it is because I'm someone who clings so tightly to control that. 255 00:21:54,783.3333333 --> 00:21:57,813.3333333 It's so hard for me to let loose in like any given situation. 256 00:21:57,813.3333333 --> 00:22:00,363.3333333 I'm like constantly embarrassed. 257 00:22:01,183.3333333 --> 00:22:12,793.3333333 But it was wild to be so embarrassed and so tightly wound in my own space with no one around just because I was trying to do like a silly little like workout video. 258 00:22:13,663.3333333 --> 00:22:18,163.3333333 It was just a very, odd, almost out of body experience. 259 00:22:18,193.3333333 --> 00:22:21,133.3333333 And I just felt so bad for myself. 260 00:22:21,213.3333333 --> 00:22:24,573.3333333 Here I am, just, I'm, I literally was just like, I wanna do something fun. 261 00:22:24,573.3333333 --> 00:22:26,873.3333333 I wanna do something that feels fun this morning. 262 00:22:26,873.3333333 --> 00:22:30,923.3333333 I don't just wanna be on the treadmill watching TV or watching the news. 263 00:22:30,973.3333333 --> 00:22:35,893.3333333 I would just really wanna let loose and I could not, I just could not. 264 00:22:36,523.3333333 --> 00:22:37,303.3333333 And. 265 00:22:37,303.3333333 --> 00:22:46,23.3333333 I don't quite know how to solve that problem, but I think, I think the more I do it, the easier it'll get. 266 00:22:46,53.3333333 --> 00:22:47,638.3333333 But it was just like so strange. 267 00:22:47,638.3333333 --> 00:22:52,438.3333333 But it did just show how much, your mind can affect your body. 268 00:22:52,448.3333333 --> 00:22:55,178.3333333 My body could not overcome my mind in that moment. 269 00:22:55,178.3333333 --> 00:22:58,28.3333333 Like I just, it was, my body wasn't gonna win. 270 00:22:58,268.3333333 --> 00:23:03,248.3333333 And if my mind wasn't gonna let go, my body couldn't let go. 271 00:23:03,248.3333333 --> 00:23:13,268.3333333 Another reason why I'm trying to find different ways to move is because I do really believe that our bodies store a lot of stress. 272 00:23:13,943.3333333 --> 00:23:19,723.3333333 And people talk a lot about like somatic releases and things like that, and I fully believe it. 273 00:23:19,773.3333333 --> 00:23:25,593.3333333 There was so much pain in different parts of my body, but very specific, pointed pain in my body. 274 00:23:26,163.3333333 --> 00:23:31,293.3333333 And for instance, like my right hip is in constant. 275 00:23:31,293.3333333 --> 00:23:43,263.3333333 Pain, I've been to the doctor and they've looked at it, and I'm gonna start physical therapy for it as a way to try to like, get it, stretched out and work it a little bit more a little bit more focused. 276 00:23:43,263.3333333 --> 00:23:49,513.3333333 But I started having hip pain about a year ago and I've been having knee pain for maybe. 277 00:23:50,203.3333333 --> 00:23:52,573.3333333 Maybe like a year and a half or so. 278 00:23:52,763.3333333 --> 00:23:57,653.3333333 At first I really felt like the hip pain was related to the knee pain, and probably to some degree it still is. 279 00:23:58,553.3333333 --> 00:24:05,333.3333333 But they took x-rays of my knees and all this stuff, and they were really looking at 'em and there's like just like really nothing wrong with it. 280 00:24:05,333.3333333 --> 00:24:06,503.3333333 Like nothing obviously wrong. 281 00:24:06,503.3333333 --> 00:24:08,723.3333333 So again, that's gonna be a physical therapy issue. 282 00:24:08,723.3333333 --> 00:24:28,853.3333333 But, but my point is that like I am so stressed, there's so much on my mind, and I noticed maybe about maybe three weeks after I ended things with my boyfriend and kicked him outta my house I noticed that the pain in my right hip had started to fade a little bit. 283 00:24:28,853.3333333 --> 00:24:34,203.3333333 Like it's still there, because there's some part of it that is just, I think just like a medical part of it. 284 00:24:34,203.3333333 --> 00:24:38,943.3333333 But I realized I haven't really felt that hip pain quite as bad the last few weeks. 285 00:24:39,513.3333333 --> 00:24:42,453.3333333 And it used to be that every time I would get up, my hip would hurt. 286 00:24:42,453.3333333 --> 00:24:44,973.3333333 When I would rock walk, it felt like my hip was gonna give out. 287 00:24:44,973.3333333 --> 00:24:48,543.3333333 It just, I also just felt like the muscles in my hip were like just so tight. 288 00:24:49,473.3333333 --> 00:24:54,783.3333333 And it was just odd because it was like something that I conscious I, it's like a dull pain. 289 00:24:55,143.3333333 --> 00:24:57,93.3333333 So it's like you feel it all the time. 290 00:24:57,703.3333333 --> 00:25:03,753.3333333 It wasn't until a couple weeks ago that I realized oh yeah, I haven't really felt that as strongly as I had felt in the past. 291 00:25:04,563.3333333 --> 00:25:22,23.3333333 And so I thought that was like really interesting that I like, I think it was like, yeah, I guess that like part of it is just like a lot of stress being stored and I've felt it for the last year and I had really been at my limit for the last year, so I'm not surprised that I was feeling so much stress and tension in my hip. 292 00:25:23,583.3333333 --> 00:25:29,313.3333333 And there was a time within the last year that I had really been trying to like, exercise a lot and all of that. 293 00:25:29,943.3333333 --> 00:25:32,553.3333333 And it didn't make any, it didn't make a dent in the hip. 294 00:25:32,553.3333333 --> 00:25:34,863.3333333 Like it didn't matter how much I stretched, it didn't matter what I was doing. 295 00:25:34,863.3333333 --> 00:25:39,753.3333333 There was still just so much pain and it just really wasn't until. 296 00:25:40,773.3333333 --> 00:25:48,213.3333333 I left that situation that it felt like my hip was able to release a little bit of that. 297 00:25:48,243.3333333 --> 00:25:49,503.3333333 It was just so strange. 298 00:25:49,933.3333333 --> 00:25:57,413.3333333 So yeah, so I totally buy that, like our body holds stress and for me it definitely is in my hip for sure. 299 00:25:57,468.3333333 --> 00:26:01,248.3333333 We all know that we store stress, like my shoulders are ch and stuff like that. 300 00:26:01,248.3333333 --> 00:26:07,538.3333333 But I'm talking about I'm talking about like real deep pain, persistent pain that is just constantly there. 301 00:26:07,588.3333333 --> 00:26:10,768.3333333 There's no reason for my hip to be hurting that bad. 302 00:26:12,328.3333333 --> 00:26:13,828.3333333 Especially when I'm moving more. 303 00:26:13,828.3333333 --> 00:26:17,558.3333333 Like I could buy oh, it's just 'cause you're, you're sedentary, you're sitting a lot. 304 00:26:18,338.3333333 --> 00:26:20,78.3333333 Valid, but Okay. 305 00:26:20,78.3333333 --> 00:26:34,928.3333333 Then it's still hurting a lot though, even when I am exercising and then all of a sudden probably when I'm doing the least amount of exercise that I've done in the last year, suddenly my hip is like on the mend. 306 00:26:35,228.3333333 --> 00:26:38,438.3333333 Yeah, it's, it definitely has to do with stress. 307 00:26:38,438.3333333 --> 00:26:42,8.3333333 Not to say that I'm like completely unstressed, but there's definitely less. 308 00:26:43,748.3333333 --> 00:26:46,538.3333333 Aggravation that I'm dealing with right. 309 00:26:46,872.2531408 --> 00:27:19,712.2531408 Another thing that I've done to get a little bit of more movement is I signed up for a step bet, which is basically like you wear a fitness tracker and it tracks your steps and your average steps, and then you join a game with a bunch of other people and you pay like $40 to enter and they give you a daily goal and you get one rest day a week and you get four days that they call active days, and then two days that are power days and you get you have a higher step goal. 310 00:27:21,622.2531407 --> 00:27:26,692.2531408 And I just think it's a great way to keep movement at the top of my mind. 311 00:27:26,692.2531408 --> 00:27:28,462.2531408 That's why I joined the first time. 312 00:27:28,462.2531408 --> 00:27:31,942.2531408 It wasn't, again, it wasn't really, it's not a weight loss thing for me. 313 00:27:31,942.2531408 --> 00:27:35,62.2531408 It's really just about, okay, like I am someone who doesn't. 314 00:27:35,887.2531408 --> 00:27:43,257.2531408 Walk a lot and not someone who's getting, I know I'm not getting enough movement, so what's something I can do to like really track myself and nothing motivates me more than money. 315 00:27:43,537.2531408 --> 00:27:52,147.2531407 I am not gonna miss my step counts because I'm not losing that $40 and I've done three or four step back games now. 316 00:27:52,747.2531407 --> 00:28:00,907.2531407 So basically if you get to the end and you have hit all of your goals, anyone who does that, they're considered winners. 317 00:28:00,907.2531407 --> 00:28:08,207.2531408 And then there's a, that $40 pot that you pay into to play, whoever wins, they all split the pot. 318 00:28:08,207.2531408 --> 00:28:15,687.2531408 So most people hit their goal, so you're only ever making like maybe a couple extra bucks a game, but that's not really the point. 319 00:28:15,692.2531408 --> 00:28:17,427.2531408 My, my thing isn't really to make money. 320 00:28:17,427.2531408 --> 00:28:23,847.2531408 It's just to not lose the money that I have and I can keep rolling that initial $40 into game after game. 321 00:28:24,177.2531408 --> 00:28:29,427.2531408 for me, it just helps me stay aware of how much movement I should be getting in my day. 322 00:28:29,427.2531408 --> 00:28:31,47.2531408 This is like a normal amount of movement. 323 00:28:31,407.2531408 --> 00:28:33,447.2531408 This is like a little bit more of an active day. 324 00:28:33,927.2531408 --> 00:28:37,917.2531408 They're aggressive goals, but not completely out of reach. 325 00:28:37,917.2531408 --> 00:28:39,207.2531408 It just forces me to like. 326 00:28:40,107.2531408 --> 00:28:43,257.2531408 Think about it more, be more present, be more mindful of it. 327 00:28:43,257.2531408 --> 00:28:44,697.2531408 So that's why I really like them. 328 00:28:44,697.2531408 --> 00:28:47,327.2531408 And it just and it's also easy 'cause it's like steps. 329 00:28:47,327.2531408 --> 00:28:50,717.2531408 So it doesn't have to be, what did I do for a workout or whatever. 330 00:28:50,717.2531408 --> 00:28:53,867.2531408 Like any kinda movement you get throughout the day counts. 331 00:28:53,867.2531408 --> 00:29:00,167.2531408 And so it's, it is also just really nice if I have a busy cleaning day and I don't have time to work out, I'm still getting my steps in. 332 00:29:00,167.2531408 --> 00:29:04,197.2531408 I still have a chance of not losing my $40 and I still feel good about what I'm doing. 333 00:29:04,197.2531408 --> 00:29:05,937.2531407 I think it also just makes me more. 334 00:29:06,657.2531408 --> 00:29:21,717.2531408 It makes me mindful of like days where I'm not moving a lot, but also makes me mindful about how much we take for granted, how little actions can like add up over time and how active certain things we do every day or every week. 335 00:29:22,252.2531407 --> 00:29:34,397.2531408 I really do contribute to your overall wellbeing, even if it feels small in the grand scheme of things, so that's another thing that I've been doing, that I've been really enjoying. 336 00:29:34,577.2531408 --> 00:29:41,797.2531408 Like for instance, maybe a week or so ago, I like needed, I need to tackle my garage. 337 00:29:41,917.2531408 --> 00:29:48,67.2531407 It's fall and I'm getting ready into winter and I need to move a lot of the stuff like the summertime stuff. 338 00:29:48,67.2531407 --> 00:29:51,67.2531407 I need to move that to the back of the garage, move my winter stuff to the front. 339 00:29:51,97.2531408 --> 00:29:56,107.2531407 My shovels, my snowblower, the ice melt and all of that stuff. 340 00:29:56,587.2531407 --> 00:29:59,587.2531407 And, the garage is just a nightmare. 341 00:29:59,737.2531407 --> 00:30:03,167.2531407 And that was really like my ex's area. 342 00:30:03,707.2531407 --> 00:30:11,97.2531407 And for a while it was really organized because my dad cleaned it all out for me because he was bored. 343 00:30:11,97.2531407 --> 00:30:17,457.2531407 One day we were having like a family yard sale and he was bored, hanging out, and he always needs a project. 344 00:30:17,787.2531407 --> 00:30:20,457.2531407 So his project for that day to stay busy was two. 345 00:30:21,102.2531407 --> 00:30:35,32.2531407 Completely clean out, sweep, reorganize, and I think if I hadn't told him to take a break, I think he honestly would have re concreted my floors. 346 00:30:35,332.2531407 --> 00:30:40,662.2531407 So I think he would've laid out new concrete in my floors, but I stopped him because I just felt please. 347 00:30:41,62.2531407 --> 00:30:45,412.2531407 But my dad cleaned up my whole garage for me, which was quite a feat because we were having like a yard sale. 348 00:30:46,402.2531407 --> 00:30:50,422.2531407 And so it was very messy and we had just moved and all this stuff. 349 00:30:50,422.2531407 --> 00:30:54,742.2531408 So he did a, an amazing job and he had a great time doing it. 350 00:30:55,282.2531408 --> 00:30:57,882.2531408 But now it's been a couple years since he did that. 351 00:30:57,912.2531408 --> 00:31:04,662.2531408 And there's just like a lot of junk that needs to get donated and that I never took care of after like our last yard at sale. 352 00:31:04,662.2531408 --> 00:31:11,162.2531408 And like a lot of things that, as we settled into this house, there was just like this house came as is with a bunch of furniture in it. 353 00:31:11,212.2531408 --> 00:31:13,522.2531408 There's a lot of furniture that like got swapped at. 354 00:31:13,522.2531408 --> 00:31:16,852.2531408 Like I brought furniture in and we took old furniture out, put it in the garage. 355 00:31:16,882.2531408 --> 00:31:18,232.2531408 It just had like too much stuff. 356 00:31:18,232.2531408 --> 00:31:19,462.2531408 The camping stuff was a nightmare. 357 00:31:20,62.2531408 --> 00:31:30,22.2531408 And we have often gotten to this habit where one area of my garage isn't habitable and so we just start piling, making little piles everywhere. 358 00:31:30,622.2531408 --> 00:31:34,482.2531408 We were just dumping everything everywhere and it did not help that my ex for a while. 359 00:31:35,682.2531408 --> 00:31:45,202.2531408 That was just kinda where he would hide out and frankly probably drink behind my back and, I dunno, I just kinda felt like that's his space. 360 00:31:45,202.2531408 --> 00:31:56,112.2531408 It's not really like his mancave or anything, but just felt okay, like he, he doesn't have like much space in this house because like my office is in the middle of the living room and the bedroom kind of feels like my room. 361 00:31:56,172.2531408 --> 00:31:58,842.2531408 'cause it takes most, my stuff takes up most of the bedroom and all that stuff. 362 00:31:58,842.2531408 --> 00:32:01,912.2531408 So it's okay, that's like his little space, it's like the little space he has. 363 00:32:02,662.2531408 --> 00:32:12,682.2531408 And anyway, I went out there and it was so overwhelming and I didn't know where to start and it was so obvious why this had been on my mind. 364 00:32:12,742.2531408 --> 00:32:14,932.2531408 It was definitely contributing to a lot of my stress. 365 00:32:14,932.2531408 --> 00:32:16,42.2531408 It was constantly on my mind. 366 00:32:16,42.2531408 --> 00:32:22,692.2531408 I was just constantly thinking there's this giant elephant I have to take care of, but I spent maybe like an hour and a half out there. 367 00:32:23,382.2531408 --> 00:32:29,22.2531408 Chipping away and I was like, that's like the best I can do is just get started and chip away at it and see what I can do. 368 00:32:29,22.2531408 --> 00:32:37,242.2531408 Like I'll listen to an album while I do this, and then I'll call it quits for the day and I can at least feel like I started it. 369 00:32:38,787.2531408 --> 00:32:40,767.2531408 And I was out there for 40 minutes. 370 00:32:40,767.2531408 --> 00:32:52,957.2531408 I was breaking such a sweat, moving all this heavy junk moving boxes back and forth cleaning it up, bending down, going up the stairs. 371 00:32:53,137.2531408 --> 00:32:54,547.2531408 I have ladders in my garage. 372 00:32:54,547.2531408 --> 00:33:01,117.2531408 I have a loft inside my garage and going up and down the ladder and all this stuff, it seems like I'm just going to clean the garage. 373 00:33:01,117.2531408 --> 00:33:01,987.2531408 That's just a chore. 374 00:33:02,857.2531408 --> 00:33:04,317.2531408 But that was a really good workout. 375 00:33:04,317.2531408 --> 00:33:05,967.2531408 I'm lifting really heavy stuff. 376 00:33:05,967.2531408 --> 00:33:07,287.2531408 These heavy boxes. 377 00:33:07,827.2531408 --> 00:33:08,307.2531408 I'm moving. 378 00:33:08,307.2531408 --> 00:33:13,17.2531408 It's just it was a full body workout doing this for 45 minutes and it was nonstop. 379 00:33:13,17.2531408 --> 00:33:21,927.2531408 I was sweating so bad and you just forget that even little things that you're just like checking off your list can have. 380 00:33:22,827.2531408 --> 00:33:24,717.2531408 A big impact to other goals. 381 00:33:24,717.2531408 --> 00:33:28,567.2531408 It really just made me feel okay, like I got my workout in today, like this was a workout. 382 00:33:29,267.2531408 --> 00:33:32,377.2531408 I I nothing, I love more than killing two birds with one stone. 383 00:33:32,427.2531408 --> 00:33:34,317.2531408 So that really got me going. 384 00:33:34,857.2531408 --> 00:33:41,507.2531408 But it also felt really good afterwards 'cause I felt I tackled the whole confidence thing because I was doing something I really hadn't done before. 385 00:33:41,507.2531408 --> 00:33:47,637.2531408 I've never had to clean out the garage and I've never had to move heavy washers and dryers around. 386 00:33:47,667.2531408 --> 00:33:52,377.2531408 And it also made me feel confident 'cause it's like there are spiders out there. 387 00:33:53,52.2531408 --> 00:34:03,212.2531408 And it's gross and it's dirty and I don't know, it just made me feel very, like it was very rosy, the riveter of me, which probably sounds very pathetic, but it was like, yeah, I killed that. 388 00:34:03,912.2531408 --> 00:34:11,502.2531408 So it was adding to my confidence, just okay, I have been putting it off because I just thought I'm not gonna be able to do some of this stuff and it's gonna be too overwhelming. 389 00:34:11,682.2531408 --> 00:34:14,172.2531408 I'm not gonna know what to do and I'm gonna do some of it. 390 00:34:14,172.2531408 --> 00:34:17,742.2531408 And at the end I'm just gonna be like, this accounted for nothing. 391 00:34:17,742.2531408 --> 00:34:24,762.2531408 It also felt really good to like cross start to at least start to cross something off my to-do list that had been weighing on me a lot. 392 00:34:25,317.2531408 --> 00:34:30,887.2531408 It also just really cleared out the clutter in my mind to get some of this clutter out of the garage. 393 00:34:32,657.2531408 --> 00:34:37,67.2531408 But it was also exciting because there were things that I was uncovering in the garage that I had forgotten about. 394 00:34:37,117.2531408 --> 00:34:39,517.2531408 I forgot I have a rowing machine. 395 00:34:40,277.2531408 --> 00:34:42,437.2531408 I have a rowing machine out in. 396 00:34:42,812.2531408 --> 00:34:43,742.2531408 My garage. 397 00:34:43,802.2531408 --> 00:34:48,572.2531408 I also have a full workout bench in my garage, which I've completely forgotten about. 398 00:34:49,142.2531408 --> 00:34:58,712.2531408 And so those are just some cool things that I'm gonna try to bring inside for the winter because it's I do love rowing and I love, and I have loved my workout bench. 399 00:34:58,712.2531408 --> 00:35:01,952.2531408 I just haven't used them in a really long time because I didn't really have the space for them inside. 400 00:35:02,112.2531408 --> 00:35:03,842.2531408 But now I think I have a spot for them. 401 00:35:04,602.2531408 --> 00:35:13,872.2531408 That just felt good and then it just got me excited about all the, once I cleaned the garage out more, all the different, like things I can use that space for. 402 00:35:13,872.2531408 --> 00:35:20,142.2531408 Like I wanna strip all the paint off the doors and cabinets in my house next year. 403 00:35:20,142.2531408 --> 00:35:21,972.2531408 And, but I need a space to do that. 404 00:35:22,102.2531408 --> 00:35:27,322.2531408 And then I was, feeling so amped up from doing that, that it just kinda snowballed into the rest of my day. 405 00:35:27,322.2531408 --> 00:35:35,802.2531408 So then I came inside, I made some lunch, and then I went upstairs and cleaned and reorganized my guest bedroom, which has now become the cat bedroom. 406 00:35:36,252.2531408 --> 00:35:39,732.2531408 There's some old carpet up there that I wanna pull up, but it's been a disaster. 407 00:35:40,432.2531408 --> 00:35:44,512.2531408 And it had been freakishly warm the last couple of weeks, so it was like that room gets pretty hot. 408 00:35:44,842.2531408 --> 00:35:47,302.2531408 With the windows that beat right into it. 409 00:35:47,752.2531408 --> 00:35:56,962.2531408 On the next cool day that I have, I'm planning on pulling up that carpet because there's some old hardwood floors under there. 410 00:35:57,542.2531408 --> 00:35:58,862.2531408 So I'm excited about that. 411 00:35:59,462.2531408 --> 00:36:05,772.2531408 So anyway, just trying to take care of and tackle some of those little things that are on my mind instead of carrying them around constantly. 412 00:36:05,772.2531408 --> 00:36:10,862.2531408 I'm hoping that, helps my body not feel like it's helped relieve my body. 413 00:36:10,862.2531408 --> 00:36:20,472.2531408 Some of the stress and the tension that's being stored, but also clearing my head a little bit, which I think will also cycle back to my body, but also trying. 414 00:36:21,42.2531408 --> 00:36:25,602.2531408 To move more and do move more, especially in ways that help me tackle my to-do list. 415 00:36:25,882.2531408 --> 00:36:30,592.2531408 So it doesn't feel like work and it doesn't feel like a drain and it feels productive. 416 00:36:31,132.2531408 --> 00:36:39,692.2531408 So I don't know, like I don't, there's so much more I could probably talk about with mind body connection and we'll definitely talk more about it at a different point. 417 00:36:39,692.2531408 --> 00:37:06,602.2531408 But that was just what was on my mind the last few weeks and it had been really hard with everything that was going on the last few weeks, it had just been really hard to articulate some of that and wrap my head around my thoughts and be concise and, there's nothing less exciting than listening to someone talk about the MINDBODY connection while they are operating at like a 5% battery level. 418 00:37:06,942.2531408 --> 00:37:11,112.2531408 It's like I'm fading and I'm talking about this stuff, and it's like I'm getting bored listening to it. 419 00:37:11,592.2531408 --> 00:37:17,802.2531408 So I just felt like I needed to start fresh, rerecord the whole thing and move on. 420 00:37:17,912.2531408 --> 00:37:22,172.2531408 Anyway, that is what I've been thinking about when it comes to body. 421 00:37:22,232.2531408 --> 00:37:32,322.2531408 Next episode, I'm gonna try to talk more about what I think people more typically think about when we say body, which is weight loss. 422 00:37:32,322.2531408 --> 00:37:36,192.2531408 Weight, body types, physicality, those kinds of things. 423 00:37:36,192.2531408 --> 00:37:37,362.2531408 I hope you'll join me for that. 424 00:37:37,362.2531408 --> 00:37:40,992.2531408 If it's not your cup of tea, you feel free to skip right over it. 425 00:37:41,362.2531408 --> 00:37:43,42.2531408 And I will catch you on the next episode. 426 00:37:43,712.2531408 --> 00:37:45,602.2531408 I guess I should do like a little recommendation corner. 427 00:37:45,602.2531408 --> 00:37:47,162.2531408 I don't think I did one last week. 428 00:37:47,702.2531408 --> 00:37:52,502.2531408 Okay one thing that I have been listening to a lot is Taylor Swift's new album. 429 00:37:52,802.2531408 --> 00:37:54,932.2531408 The Life of a Show World came out on October 3rd. 430 00:37:54,932.2531408 --> 00:37:57,547.2531408 I'm sure everyone in the universe is sick of hearing. 431 00:37:58,667.2531408 --> 00:37:59,897.2531408 About this album. 432 00:37:59,957.2531408 --> 00:38:01,727.2531408 I am a huge swifty. 433 00:38:01,727.2531408 --> 00:38:04,907.2531408 I'm, I like to think I'm not one of the obnoxious swifties. 434 00:38:04,907.2531408 --> 00:38:09,107.2531408 I'm just like, I loved her since her first album came out. 435 00:38:09,107.2531408 --> 00:38:11,357.2531408 I think I was in high school when it came out. 436 00:38:11,777.2531408 --> 00:38:12,497.2531408 I've loved it. 437 00:38:12,497.2531408 --> 00:38:24,467.2531408 I was not a country music person, but I loved her songs and I've loved every album and I love how she's dipped her toes in different genres. 438 00:38:24,467.2531408 --> 00:38:26,237.2531408 I really love. 439 00:38:26,807.2531408 --> 00:38:32,57.2531408 Some of my favorite albums or some for more recent albums and I love that. 440 00:38:33,62.2531408 --> 00:38:36,92.2531408 Life of a showgirl also feels like a bit of a departure. 441 00:38:36,192.2531408 --> 00:38:39,382.2531408 Anyone who is familiar with Taylor Swift will appreciate this. 442 00:38:39,382.2531408 --> 00:38:41,602.2531408 Anyone who's not, you're gonna see me like goodbye. 443 00:38:41,992.2531408 --> 00:38:46,372.2531408 But I loved tortured poets department. 444 00:38:47,272.2531408 --> 00:38:56,212.2531408 I, that album came out around a time that me and my most recent ex, it was during one of the times that I had kicked him out and the album was released and. 445 00:38:56,842.2531408 --> 00:38:58,792.2531408 It was so cathartic. 446 00:38:58,792.2531408 --> 00:39:03,982.2531408 It was like a really sad, poetic, deep ping album. 447 00:39:04,162.2531408 --> 00:39:24,312.2531408 It just really hit deep and it's hard to go back and listen to that album now because I was in such like a sad, dark space when I was listening to it and it just sometimes you listen to an album and it like immediately takes you back to where you were when you were listening to that album, nonstop. 448 00:39:24,362.2531408 --> 00:39:34,772.2531408 There are a few albums in my life that are like that and they're albums where it's I, this music meant so much to me when they, when the album came out. 449 00:39:35,687.2531408 --> 00:39:45,167.2531408 They are songs that, like I sometimes I don't know if I'll ever be able to listen to them again because they just immediate, they hold so much power and they immediately bring me back. 450 00:39:45,217.2531408 --> 00:39:53,477.2531408 It's such a strong sense memory that I hear the music and I am immediately back to whatever's happening at the time. 451 00:39:53,477.2531408 --> 00:39:55,877.2531408 So like other albums that are like that. 452 00:39:56,822.2531408 --> 00:40:16,682.2531408 Our Ariana Grande's her song, POV, I can't listen to that song without thinking about the guy that I dated who died of an overdose because I was listening to that song on repeat at the time when I was getting ready to meet him for the first time. 453 00:40:17,492.2531408 --> 00:40:20,462.2531408 When he died, I could not stop listening to that song. 454 00:40:21,752.2531408 --> 00:40:23,312.2531408 And so now I can't even listen to it. 455 00:40:23,312.2531408 --> 00:40:25,82.2531408 Anytime it comes up, I just skip it. 456 00:40:25,82.2531408 --> 00:40:29,612.2531408 And for the longest time, as soon as I'd hear like the first intro notes, I would just start crying. 457 00:40:30,332.2531408 --> 00:40:37,172.2531408 Another really heavy album for me that I can't listen to at all is the last Adele album. 458 00:40:37,922.2531408 --> 00:40:46,832.2531408 That also reminds me of him because that album I was listening to a lot around the time that he died so I have a hard time listening to that one. 459 00:40:46,882.2531408 --> 00:40:48,472.2531408 Because I have such strong. 460 00:40:48,472.2531408 --> 00:40:51,532.2531408 Auditory memories with tortured poets department. 461 00:40:51,532.2531408 --> 00:40:57,622.2531408 It's been really hard to go back and listen to this album, so I was really excited when this new album came out. 462 00:40:57,652.2531408 --> 00:41:02,302.2531408 'cause it's like a fresh start and this one is just so happy and upbeat. 463 00:41:02,362.2531408 --> 00:41:04,162.2531408 Every song feels like a hit to me. 464 00:41:04,702.2531408 --> 00:41:06,792.2531408 It just has really perked me up. 465 00:41:07,272.2531408 --> 00:41:16,472.2531408 Whether or not you, like Taylor Swift's sort of moot do I think it's like her best album ever? No, but I don't think we need to like constantly compare someone's album to album. 466 00:41:16,572.2531408 --> 00:41:17,382.2531408 I love the album. 467 00:41:17,382.2531408 --> 00:41:19,192.2531408 I think if you love the album, you love the album. 468 00:41:19,192.2531408 --> 00:41:27,742.2531408 I don't need like a dissertation on it, but it's nice to have some like really upbeat, light, happy music to, disassociate with. 469 00:41:28,982.2531408 --> 00:41:30,722.2531408 If you haven't listened to it, I love it. 470 00:41:31,202.2531408 --> 00:41:37,442.2531408 Regardless of whether or not you like her, I feel like if you have an open mind, you'll find at least one song on there that you really like. 471 00:41:37,862.2531408 --> 00:41:42,162.2531408 And it's, they're all earworms, so that is my recommendation for the week. 472 00:41:42,162.2531408 --> 00:41:44,472.2531408 Go listen to life of a showgirl. 473 00:41:45,172.2531408 --> 00:41:49,822.2531408 All right, anyway, I'm running along here, I will see you all later. 474 00:41:50,32.2531408 --> 00:41:51,862.2531408 Thanks for joining me, Tina next week. 475 00:41:51,982.2531408 --> 00:41:52,612.2531408 Thanks. 476 00:41:52,822.2531408 --> 00:41:53,482.2531408 Bye.