Christmas Magic When Your House is Empty

Today is my very first Christmas Morning without my babies in the house.

I could get into the difficulties of divorce... the sharing of time... whatever. But really, I'm thinkin of my mom.

She keeps saying how no one tells you that the hardest part of parenting is when your kids are grown up and you're on your own.

When we are in the thick of the season of Toddlers and small children, we can easily say, "Oh I cannot wait to be able to decorate without them getting into shit."But ironically, that's what my mom misses the most. She said to me recently, "There is no one here to yell at for getting into shit." (and of course I laughed... because she's funny.)

But this year, my heart misses the Christmas Magic.

Yes, I got my kids gifts this year. But all their presents were too big to wrap and they weren't from Santa. I didn't do Santa this year because the kids are with their dad on Christmas morning.

And this could quite possibly be the very last year my oldest believes in Santa.

I feel like I missed the opportunity to have Christmas Magic in my home this year and I'm kicking myself for it a bit.

These years are going by so fast. I thought Santa not coming to my house this year was a relief. Like, "one less thing I have to worry about." and my budget got soaked up by the playroom makeover gift from ME.

But I will forever do Santa with my kids. Especially after this heart breaking morning. I hope when my kids are grown up, they will come visit me and Santa will come.

My mom always said, "If you don't believe, you don't receive." I always thought she was silly for "believing" in Santa as an adult. But I get it now.

Santa is Magic.

Santa is seeing the light in your children's eyes.

Santa is the love you feel when your house is quiet.

Santa is tiptoeing around to surprise your babies.

Santa is the LOVE you pour into your family.

I saw a Facebook post that said, "As a grown up, I've realized that all the Christmas magic I felt as a child was really a mom who loved me SO much."

I feel that so hard this morning.