December 21, 2025 • 11 mins
Ever feel like part of you wants change while another part holds you back?
In this episode, Belinda Lee shares a simple, surprisingly effective technique to help you settle those inner arguments.
All you need is a comfortable seat and your own two hands.
Learn how to play “DIY therapist” and resolve those inner battles.
The information shared in this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a medical professional. If you’re experiencing health or mental health issues, please seek advice from a qualified healthcare provider.
RESOURCES: Read the article: DIY Therapist: How to Resolve Inner Conflict
CREDITS: Theme Music: "Strive to Be Better" by Craig Riley (licensed), "Finally See the Light" by Bryan Teoh (FreePD Music)
#StepIntoMePodcast #BelindaLee #DIYTherapy #DIYTherapist #SelfHealing #InnerPeace #PersonalDevelopment #SelfImprovement #SelfHelpPodcast
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Step Into Me.
(00:03):
This podcast is all about taking small steps to help you live a lighter, brighter and
more authentic life.
I'm Belinda Lee, I'm a wellness journalist and broadcaster and I have a big passion for
personal development.
I just love those aha moments when you read or hear something that might just change
the way you think but it makes a big difference in your life.
(00:25):
And what I've learned over the past 35 years or so is that it's often the small shifts
that lead to lasting change.
So today I thought I'd share with you a fun and really effective way to resolve internal
battles.
I'm sure you know the ones, these are the battles where one part of you really wants
(00:45):
to achieve something but there's this other part that just seems to get in the way.
One part of you might really want to lose weight but another part seems to sabotage your
efforts at every turn or you may know deep down that it's time to let go of something,
time to heal but there's this other part that just wants to hold on to the grief or hold
on to the anger.
(01:07):
And they're the inner frustrations that we feel from time to time that often keep us
up at night and very often trigger that really negative self talk when we just don't understand
why we can't do the thing that we want to do.
So I hope by the end of this episode that you'll not only have a better understanding
of those parts of you but also a technique to help you communicate with them, get them
(01:32):
working together so that you can all move towards your goal.
And hopefully feel a nice sense of relief at the end of it as well and wouldn't that be
a nice Christmas gift?
So if you're ready for some DIY therapy, let's do it.
So I'd like you to meet Sophie.
(01:56):
She's in her 40s, works in marketing, has two school aged kids and for months she's been
telling herself that this is the year she finally gets healthy.
She's bought the journal, follows three health coaches on Instagram, she's even stuck a photo
of her future self on the fridge.
And most days start really well.
(02:16):
She has a healthy breakfast, packs a salad for lunch and feels quite proud of herself driving
to work.
But at night time when the kids are in bed and the house is finally quiet, a different part
of Sophie shows up.
This is the part that stands in front of the fridge or the pantry and it says you've had
a really huge day and you deserve this.
(02:39):
Just one bowl of ice cream we can start again tomorrow.
And then there's that other part that whispers, why are you doing this again?
You had such a good day, what are you doing?
And it's that same old tug-of-war almost every night.
One part wants to be healthier and go shopping for new clothes and this other part feels
lonely and tired and it just wants comfort.
(03:02):
The next morning Sophie wakes up, disappointed in herself once again.
She steps on the scales and thinks, what's wrong with me?
Why can't I just do this?
And all day she's carrying that quiet shame around with her which only makes the evening snack
feel even more necessary and it's this vicious cycle.
(03:23):
And I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about here.
But good news, help is at hand.
Sophie has put the kids to bed and instead of heading for the pantry she's taken a moment
to listen to this episode of the Step Into Me podcast and she's about to play DIY therapist
at home.
Sophie sits on the sofa and places her hands facing upwards on her lap.
(03:48):
In her left hand is the version of herself that she calls "Disciplined Me".
And this is the one who sets goals, keeps track of those steps and wants to be healthier.
And in Sophie's right hand is the version of herself that she calls "Comfort Me".
And this is the version who doesn't care for steps or macros and it just wants a cuddle
(04:12):
every night and a little comfort to make her feel good.
And sitting in the middle holding each version of herself in her hands is Sophie, the adult
version of Sophie.
And tonight she's playing the role of therapist because she needs these two to stop fighting.
So the first thing Sophie does is she has a good look at Disciplined Me and Comfort Me.
(04:36):
How they're standing, what expressions they have on their faces.
How does each of them feel?
So she kind of gets to know them a little better.
And then she starts with the therapist questions.
First, to Disciplined Me, the one on the left side:
What are you most afraid will happen if Comfort Me keeps getting its way?
(04:57):
And what are you trying to protect me from?
And then she asks, "Comfort Me" the very same questions, "What are you most afraid will
happen if Disciplined Me is in charge all the time?"
And what are you trying to protect me from?
And these questions can be whatever you feel needs to be asked.
So as the therapist, you'll know exactly what you need to ask of these two parts of yourself.
(05:19):
And it's good to ask both sides initially the same question.
And don't worry about not knowing the answers because you already know the answers.
Deep inside of you, they're already there.
And that's the great thing about this little exercise.
It's just a way of separating these two parts of yourself, gaining a better understanding
of each and finding a way to work together.
(05:43):
So once you've asked both sides the same questions, you can then get them to speak to each
other.
Ask them what they would like the other one to know.
So Disciplined Me might like Comfort Me to know that when you take over at night, you
undermine all the good work I've put in during the day.
And you need to know that I'm not punishing you, that I'm just trying to help Sophie achieve
(06:07):
something that she really wants to achieve?
Well Comfort Me might like Disciplined Me to know that when it criticises her, she feels
like a failure and that she's not trying to ruin Sophie's plans at all.
She's just trying to help her cope with the stress of a busy day and the loneliness that
she feels at night.
(06:27):
And it is a really hard and food is the only way she knows to feel better.
And Comfort Me also wants Disciplined Me to know that if she disappears, who will actually
care for Sophie, especially when she's feeling empty inside?
So it's generally at around this point that you discover that both of these parts have
(06:47):
very positive reasons for acting the way they do.
One cares about your future while the other is trying to take care of you in the present.
So how do you break the vicious cycle?
Because if it continues as it has done, you're going to keep sabotaging every night and
then criticising yourself in the morning and then feeling more need to satisfy yourself
(07:11):
at night.
So it is a vicious cycle and we've all been there.
Well this is where you, the DIY therapist, come into the picture.
As the therapist, you are going to help guide these two.
It's almost like you're a parent and these are your two children so they need to get on
and you just need to find a way, somehow a compromise, a way that both of them can work
(07:35):
together.
So you ask them individually, Disciplined Me, what would a fair compromise look like for
you?
How could you care for both the future and the present?
Disciplined Me might say, well I could live with one small planned comfort food most nights
so long as it doesn't impact our overall goal, maybe we could incorporate two squares of
(08:01):
dark chocolate each night.
And so you ask Comfort Me the same questions, what would a fair compromise look like for you?
And how could you care not only for the now but the future?
And Comfort Me might say, well it would be nice to have some real comfort, not just
food, maybe some journalling at night or going to bed a little earlier to cozy up with a
(08:24):
book.
And like I said, the answers will come to you quite easily because both parts are actually
working for you even if it hasn't felt that way for a long time.
So once you've heard from both sides as the DIY therapist, then you can create a solution
that works for all sides.
So maybe Disciplined Me now realises that it needs to take a little bit of the pressure
(08:46):
off and allow you to have some comfort at night.
So whether that's a bath or reading at night or a couple of bits of dark chocolate, it
can also see the long term benefits of doing that.
It's good for your mental health if nothing else and that's going to be good in the long
run.
And Comfort Me it no longer feels that you're trying to deprive it in any way it understands
(09:09):
that you have something to achieve.
But it also means that Disciplined Me isn't going to criticise it every time it has a couple
of bits of chocolate.
You don't have to go for the whole tub of ice cream now because Disciplined Me isn't there
abusing you so you can just have a couple of bits of chocolate or a small piece of ice cream
(09:29):
or whatever it might be to give you some comfort without the guilt in the evening.
And then you can ask both parts, does this feel fair for you guys?
And you may need to make some small adjustments, but at least now you have a better understanding
of what's going on inside.
And finally to end the session, you can bring both hands together and thank them for working
(09:54):
with you and not against you and just take a moment to acknowledge how good that feels
inside.
And you can do this for all sorts of inner conflict, the part of you that wants to work through
a to do list versus the part that wants to watch television or the part that wants to save
money while the other part wants to spend it or that part of you that is the people pleaser
(10:16):
and that other part of you knows that you need to set some boundaries.
Whatever the internal conflict just to remember, you can play DIY therapist at any time and
it won't cost you a penny.
And all you have to do is listen to each part, let them express their fears, explain what
they're trying to protect you from.
Let them speak to each other and then of course once all the cards are on the table, you as
(10:41):
the therapist can ask the questions of both to come up with a way of working together.
Please do try this technique because it can be a real eye-opener sometimes.
We think we know ourselves, but you do this technique and you go, "Wow, I had no idea."
And sometimes it just takes a little exercise like this to reveal what's really going on
(11:01):
inside.
If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe.
I'd love to hear your stories as well, so please send your questions or comments to info
at stepintome.com.
I'm Belinda Lee, I'll catch you next Sunday for another edition of "Step Into Me" helping
to make life easier one step at a time.
[Music]
(11:28):
(upbeat music)
[BLANK_AUDIO]
Welcome to Step Into Me.
(00:03):
This podcast is all about taking small steps to help you live a lighter, brighter and
more authentic life.
I'm Belinda Lee, I'm a wellness journalist and broadcaster and I have a big passion for
personal development.
I just love those aha moments when you read or hear something that might just change
the way you think but it makes a big difference in your life.
(00:25):
And what I've learned over the past 35 years or so is that it's often the small shifts
that lead to lasting change.
So today I thought I'd share with you a fun and really effective way to resolve internal
battles.
I'm sure you know the ones, these are the battles where one part of you really wants
(00:45):
to achieve something but there's this other part that just seems to get in the way.
One part of you might really want to lose weight but another part seems to sabotage your
efforts at every turn or you may know deep down that it's time to let go of something,
time to heal but there's this other part that just wants to hold on to the grief or hold
on to the anger.
(01:07):
And they're the inner frustrations that we feel from time to time that often keep us
up at night and very often trigger that really negative self talk when we just don't understand
why we can't do the thing that we want to do.
So I hope by the end of this episode that you'll not only have a better understanding
of those parts of you but also a technique to help you communicate with them, get them
(01:32):
working together so that you can all move towards your goal.
And hopefully feel a nice sense of relief at the end of it as well and wouldn't that be
a nice Christmas gift?
So if you're ready for some DIY therapy, let's do it.
So I'd like you to meet Sophie.
(01:56):
She's in her 40s, works in marketing, has two school aged kids and for months she's been
telling herself that this is the year she finally gets healthy.
She's bought the journal, follows three health coaches on Instagram, she's even stuck a photo
of her future self on the fridge.
And most days start really well.
(02:16):
She has a healthy breakfast, packs a salad for lunch and feels quite proud of herself driving
to work.
But at night time when the kids are in bed and the house is finally quiet, a different part
of Sophie shows up.
This is the part that stands in front of the fridge or the pantry and it says you've had
a really huge day and you deserve this.
(02:39):
Just one bowl of ice cream we can start again tomorrow.
And then there's that other part that whispers, why are you doing this again?
You had such a good day, what are you doing?
And it's that same old tug-of-war almost every night.
One part wants to be healthier and go shopping for new clothes and this other part feels
lonely and tired and it just wants comfort.
(03:02):
The next morning Sophie wakes up, disappointed in herself once again.
She steps on the scales and thinks, what's wrong with me?
Why can't I just do this?
And all day she's carrying that quiet shame around with her which only makes the evening snack
feel even more necessary and it's this vicious cycle.
(03:23):
And I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about here.
But good news, help is at hand.
Sophie has put the kids to bed and instead of heading for the pantry she's taken a moment
to listen to this episode of the Step Into Me podcast and she's about to play DIY therapist
at home.
Sophie sits on the sofa and places her hands facing upwards on her lap.
(03:48):
In her left hand is the version of herself that she calls "Disciplined Me".
And this is the one who sets goals, keeps track of those steps and wants to be healthier.
And in Sophie's right hand is the version of herself that she calls "Comfort Me".
And this is the version who doesn't care for steps or macros and it just wants a cuddle
(04:12):
every night and a little comfort to make her feel good.
And sitting in the middle holding each version of herself in her hands is Sophie, the adult
version of Sophie.
And tonight she's playing the role of therapist because she needs these two to stop fighting.
So the first thing Sophie does is she has a good look at Disciplined Me and Comfort Me.
(04:36):
How they're standing, what expressions they have on their faces.
How does each of them feel?
So she kind of gets to know them a little better.
And then she starts with the therapist questions.
First, to Disciplined Me, the one on the left side:
What are you most afraid will happen if Comfort Me keeps getting its way?
(04:57):
And what are you trying to protect me from?
And then she asks, "Comfort Me" the very same questions, "What are you most afraid will
happen if Disciplined Me is in charge all the time?"
And what are you trying to protect me from?
And these questions can be whatever you feel needs to be asked.
So as the therapist, you'll know exactly what you need to ask of these two parts of yourself.
(05:19):
And it's good to ask both sides initially the same question.
And don't worry about not knowing the answers because you already know the answers.
Deep inside of you, they're already there.
And that's the great thing about this little exercise.
It's just a way of separating these two parts of yourself, gaining a better understanding
of each and finding a way to work together.
(05:43):
So once you've asked both sides the same questions, you can then get them to speak to each
other.
Ask them what they would like the other one to know.
So Disciplined Me might like Comfort Me to know that when you take over at night, you
undermine all the good work I've put in during the day.
And you need to know that I'm not punishing you, that I'm just trying to help Sophie achieve
(06:07):
something that she really wants to achieve?
Well Comfort Me might like Disciplined Me to know that when it criticises her, she feels
like a failure and that she's not trying to ruin Sophie's plans at all.
She's just trying to help her cope with the stress of a busy day and the loneliness that
she feels at night.
(06:27):
And it is a really hard and food is the only way she knows to feel better.
And Comfort Me also wants Disciplined Me to know that if she disappears, who will actually
care for Sophie, especially when she's feeling empty inside?
So it's generally at around this point that you discover that both of these parts have
(06:47):
very positive reasons for acting the way they do.
One cares about your future while the other is trying to take care of you in the present.
So how do you break the vicious cycle?
Because if it continues as it has done, you're going to keep sabotaging every night and
then criticising yourself in the morning and then feeling more need to satisfy yourself
(07:11):
at night.
So it is a vicious cycle and we've all been there.
Well this is where you, the DIY therapist, come into the picture.
As the therapist, you are going to help guide these two.
It's almost like you're a parent and these are your two children so they need to get on
and you just need to find a way, somehow a compromise, a way that both of them can work
(07:35):
together.
So you ask them individually, Disciplined Me, what would a fair compromise look like for
you?
How could you care for both the future and the present?
Disciplined Me might say, well I could live with one small planned comfort food most nights
so long as it doesn't impact our overall goal, maybe we could incorporate two squares of
(08:01):
dark chocolate each night.
And so you ask Comfort Me the same questions, what would a fair compromise look like for you?
And how could you care not only for the now but the future?
And Comfort Me might say, well it would be nice to have some real comfort, not just
food, maybe some journalling at night or going to bed a little earlier to cozy up with a
(08:24):
book.
And like I said, the answers will come to you quite easily because both parts are actually
working for you even if it hasn't felt that way for a long time.
So once you've heard from both sides as the DIY therapist, then you can create a solution
that works for all sides.
So maybe Disciplined Me now realises that it needs to take a little bit of the pressure
(08:46):
off and allow you to have some comfort at night.
So whether that's a bath or reading at night or a couple of bits of dark chocolate, it
can also see the long term benefits of doing that.
It's good for your mental health if nothing else and that's going to be good in the long
run.
And Comfort Me it no longer feels that you're trying to deprive it in any way it understands
(09:09):
that you have something to achieve.
But it also means that Disciplined Me isn't going to criticise it every time it has a couple
of bits of chocolate.
You don't have to go for the whole tub of ice cream now because Disciplined Me isn't there
abusing you so you can just have a couple of bits of chocolate or a small piece of ice cream
(09:29):
or whatever it might be to give you some comfort without the guilt in the evening.
And then you can ask both parts, does this feel fair for you guys?
And you may need to make some small adjustments, but at least now you have a better understanding
of what's going on inside.
And finally to end the session, you can bring both hands together and thank them for working
(09:54):
with you and not against you and just take a moment to acknowledge how good that feels
inside.
And you can do this for all sorts of inner conflict, the part of you that wants to work through
a to do list versus the part that wants to watch television or the part that wants to save
money while the other part wants to spend it or that part of you that is the people pleaser
(10:16):
and that other part of you knows that you need to set some boundaries.
Whatever the internal conflict just to remember, you can play DIY therapist at any time and
it won't cost you a penny.
And all you have to do is listen to each part, let them express their fears, explain what
they're trying to protect you from.
Let them speak to each other and then of course once all the cards are on the table, you as
(10:41):
the therapist can ask the questions of both to come up with a way of working together.
Please do try this technique because it can be a real eye-opener sometimes.
We think we know ourselves, but you do this technique and you go, "Wow, I had no idea."
And sometimes it just takes a little exercise like this to reveal what's really going on
(11:01):
inside.
If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe.
I'd love to hear your stories as well, so please send your questions or comments to info
at stepintome.com.
I'm Belinda Lee, I'll catch you next Sunday for another edition of "Step Into Me" helping
to make life easier one step at a time.
[Music]
(11:28):
(upbeat music)
[BLANK_AUDIO]
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