From Breakdown to Breakthrough: Rebuilding After Burnout

Are you feeling stuck, burned out, or questioning your life’s direction?

Dave shares his inspiring journey through midlife transformation. Once thriving in his professional and family life, Dave faced unexpected burnout and breakdown. But instead of an ending, his crisis became the catalyst for authentic living and self-discovery. Tune in to hear how Dave rebuilt his life from the inside out, finding true purpose, and learning to listen to his inner voice. This episode is packed with real hope, practical insights, and actionable steps for anyone seeking burnout recovery, deeper self-awareness, and a more meaningful life. Enjoyed this episode? Follow Step Into Me and leave a five-star review to help others find inspiration and guidance for their own journey of transformation.

 

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DISCLAIMER: The information shared in this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a medical professional. If you’re experiencing health or mental health issues, please seek advice from a qualified healthcare provider.

CREDITS: Theme Music: "Strive to Be Better" by Craig Riley (licensed)  Incidental Music: "Leaving Home" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com), Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License, creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/ “Ice and Snow” Rafael Krux (freepd.com)

#selfimprovementpodcast #selfhelppodcast #mentalhealthpodcast #startingover #comingout #StepIntoMePodcast #MidlifeJourney #BurnoutRecovery #AuthenticLiving  #Pansexual #Queer #PersonalGrowthJourney #RewritingTheRules

 

Episode Transcript

Belle (00:00):
This podcast is for information and entertainment purposes only, and does not constitute medical mental health or other professional advice. I'm not a licenced medical or mental health professional. If you have any questions or concerns about your physical or mental health, please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.
Hi there. I'm Belinda Lee, and this is Step Into Me, the podcast about transformation and personal growth, embracing the quiet, knowing deep in your heart and finding the courage to step into your true self. On today's episode, we're going to meet Dave Dobson. Like so many people, Dave was living what seemed like the perfect life. He had a high paying job, working with the Foreign Office. He travelled the globe, had a wife, house, kids. Only for Dave, it felt like someone else's life. If Dave was to be true to himself, he would have to rewrite the rules.
Picture this. You're standing in a crowded airport, suitcase in hand, passport at the ready. On the outside your life looks perfect. You have a successful career, a big house in the country, family, kids, dogs. But inside, years of stress and conflicted feelings have reached a boiling point, and you are about to have a very public meltdown.

Dave (00:02):
Looking back, I tend to think of it as episodic or chapters, and actually the biggest thing that was happening right then, and kind of the end of that chapter, was the unsustainableness of being able to continue being the breadwinner, being the person who was facilitating this lifestyle, and actually noticing that I was imposing a whole set of problems on myself, around the anxiety and the stress I was feeling around work, was something that I decided not to bring home. So there's a whole lot of carrying and not showing. And the end of that chapter was the unsustainableness of being able to do that and I effectively broke down and then found myself rebuilding pretty much from scratch again.

Belle (00:03):
Dave is a pansexual man, someone whose attraction to others isn't defined by gender. When he married, his sexuality was no secret. His wife understood that it was simply part of who he was. This was a monogamous marriage, a relationship built on commitment and intention. And for many years, that was enough.
As time went on, the pressures of Dave's work grew heavier, and as often happens, his marriage began to stress and strain. Dave started seeking relief in ways that offered escape, even if only for the short term.

Dave (00:04):
I guess the coping mechanisms people kind of think of are the obvious ones of drink, drugs, and things like that as being the way people cope. But risky behaviour is also a coping mechanism. And I think there was risky behaviour around being monogamous so losing myself in having short term casual affairs was, I guess, my drug of choice for not looking at what was actually happening towards the end of marriage and being able to try and cope with the stresses of being within a job that was no longer sustainable, and being able to carry on functioning as the standard family.

Belle (00:05):
I think what you're saying there is just so relatable, because many people find themselves stuck in exactly that space. I've been in that space where you're just going through the motions, finding ways to cope, whether that's drugs or alcohol or food or, as you say, in your situation, risky behaviour. How did you break free from that cycle? What was the turning point for you?
Belle:
In the aftermath of Dave's breakdown, he began to rebuild, and the landscape of his life began to change. He found new love, he discovered a new calling, and he started to build a life that felt more honest and whole than ever before.

Dave (00:09):
I'm a little bit militant around that side of it. Yeah, it's just the straight cis people do not come out as straight and cis. They just exist. And I think that embodied within this concept of coming out is fully implied, but smells of needing to justify to me, and as soon as you need to justify, then it becomes something which is debatable and equivocal, and my sense of self isn't debatable or equivocable. So it just being a statement of fact. And I actually prefer to show rather than tell, so living the embodiment which shows my identity is my preferred way of being out.
I’m actually really privileged in that I get to do very long term work with people. So I specialise in trauma with a capital T and with small t, but the trauma sits the same in both those instances. And I guess if we're simplifying, because I'm dealing with trauma, something has happened to somebody, and to be able to cope with what's happened, we very creatively wrap layers of protection around the trauma that has happened. And the interesting thing is that the age in which the trauma happens is the agency you have and that you’re using in building protections you have, those protections are then incredibly single minded, and they are sat on your shoulder the entire time, and they are on the lookout for you not getting hurt again. But what happens over time is that you grow, you have experience and more agency, and the protections ultimately become validated in that they're protecting what was a much younger, less resilient version of you, and rather than the trauma itself being the ongoing issue, which still will be in some respects, but protections that you build to initially cope with the trauma are the things which are holding you back, and it's to really simplify it, my job is just re punctuating, and all we're doing is putting a full stop after the trauma. This happened. This is part of your narrative. We're not making this go away, but there is a full stop after it now, and we can look over our shoulder and see it in the rearview mirror, but it's no longer sat actually, on your shoulder and doing the driving anymore.

Belle (00:13):
Do you find it easy now to recognise when that little voice inside is speaking to you?
And why do we do that? I've had that exact conversation with a girlfriend, why do we when we step into our parents’ house, become that 15 year old self again and then feel angry with ourselves? I mean, how do we break free from it?

Dave (00:16):
I think the first steps are listening, and it seems slightly negative, but if you start to listen, you kind of get the tone of your internal dialogue, and that can actually be incredibly surprising to some people. You are actually fully in charge of the tone you use to yourself, but lots of us choose to use a tone which has been inherited from somebody else, And what I use occasionally, is a bit of a sneaky question, but sometimes it feels right to ask, whose voice is that? And it can be an insight, but it also gives that space to start realising, actually this isn’t the authentic voice. This isn’t how, if I was nurturing a younger version of me, if I was one of my own children, this is not the tone I would be using there. So why am I continuing to use it for myself? So it's starting to notice the actual tone of your internal voice and what judgments come tied up with that as well and gently reparent in some ways, that you get to choose the parent you want to be for yourself.
Yes, that's absolutely acknowledging the child. And actually, the counter intuitive thing is it probably works more with the teenage thing, that the instinct is to try and shout that part of you down and say, stop being silly. Stop doing that. But actually, counter intuitively, that just hardens that part of you that's going, Yeah, even you don't understand me, I need to stay here and do this for you to be safe. You need to acknowledge those different parts of you, to sit alongside them and to gently ask what they're afraid of, and for them to start to know the adult you and for them to let go of the protections that they've had to put in place to feel safe and trust and believe that the adult you has a whole toolbox of protections that will make them safe and they will not need to reenact the protections that they'd used earlier. So it's not just in acknowledging the child within, it’s in compassionately understanding, accepting and asking, can you take over. Can I look after what you're afraid of?

Belle (00:20):
So if you could speak to your younger self, perhaps that version of you just entering the Foreign Office or just starting your marriage, what would you say?
So what does meaning and purpose look like for you now?
I love the visual of that that no one person or thing can give meaning to that entire circumference. It's just such a lovely way of being, a lovely way of looking at the world. I love it. For the person listening to this podcast who sees themselves in your story, who is where you were all those years ago. What would you like them to know?
Dave, thank you so much for sharing your story with such honesty and generosity today and the insights that you've shared not only from your personal journey, but from your professional experience as well, it's been wonderful. Thank you for showing us what it means to step into your truth and the important work that you do as well helping others do the same.
Well, I hope you enjoyed my chat with Dave as much as I did. His is quite a story. Not only has he experienced a complete breakdown and worked through it, but he's also found a new purpose, drawing on that painful experience to help others navigate their trauma. And As Dave said, if you are where he was all those years ago, just know that change is possible, and it often begins with recognising that something inside just doesn't feel right. I think one of the other great things that I certainly learned from speaking with Dave is the whole concept of blending, which is not something I'd heard of before, and just that idea that we often blend our teenage or younger coping mechanisms with adult challenges. So I guess that's something we can work on this week. If we find ourselves reacting in a way that feels old or familiar, withdrawing people, pleasing, lashing out, we can pause and ask ourselves, who is speaking or acting out right now and just gently check in with that younger part of ourselves and thank them for trying to keep us safe, but also reminding ourselves that we're adults now, and we can choose a new way and then just notice what changes when we bring our adult self back into the moment. I think it's a great lesson. And thank you, Dave, for sharing that with us,
And thank you too for joining us for episode two of Step Into Me. If you'd like to share your journey or your thoughts, I'd love to hear from you. Send your comments to [e-mail] or leave a comment or review on your favourite podcast platform. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow Step Into Me and leave a five star review so you don't miss what's coming next. And speaking of what's coming next, the next episode, we're going to look at drama, and I'm not talking about the works of Shakespeare, but the drama that is sometimes of our own making, and how letting go of drama can not only help you reclaim some energy, but it can also help you live authentically, and that's what this podcast is all about. I'm Belinda Lee and this is Step Into Me, helping you find the courage to be true to you.