Episode Transcript
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Hello and welcome to Episode 6 of "Step Into Me". This is the show where we explore what
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it means to be true to yourself. I'm Belinda Lee. This week I want to share with you
what I believe to be one of, if not, the greatest life hack of all. I know it's a big
call. They are three simple words that can truly change your life for the better. They
just make life easier. And when life is easier, well that's when you open yourself up to
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experience more fulfillment and joy in your life. So what are the magic three words? Let's find out.
Life. It can't be noisy at times. Not only do we have the outside world to contend with,
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but our inner world as well, all that chatter that goes on inside. Sometimes it may make you feel
sad because of old regrets or frustrated by arguments, weighed down by expectations or exhausted
by trying to control everything and everyone around you. But what if the answer to a lighter,
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freer, more fulfilling life was encompassed in three simple words. I'm sure you've heard them.
In fact, if you have teenagers, they probably fell in love with these words 12 years ago
when Disney's "Frozen" was a big hit. The three words are of course "Let It Go". Remember the song?
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It's okay. I'm not going to do any singing. But here's the thing, as much as we might joke about it,
there is a good reason that that song resonated with millions of people because sometimes
the hardest and most transformative thing you can do is 'let it go'. And the truth is when we don't
let things go, we can become frozen, stuck in old stories, old arguments, old expectations.
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If you truly want to move forward, you need to let things melt away. So today, I want to show you how
letting go is the ultimate life hack. Just five quick examples of how letting go can change your life.
I think a good place to start is with the past because let's face it, so many of us hold on to things
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from the past. We all carry memories, some are heart warming, some are cringeworthy, some are best left
in the vault. But our memories aren't perfect. Often they're coloured by emotion, time, perspective.
And while trying to learn from the past is noble, holding on is rarely a good thing. In fact,
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every time we revisit our memories, we tend to edit the story a little as well. And sometimes we can
make things heavier than they even need to be. Let me show you how that feels. Have a look around
and pick up something small, a coffee mug, a bottle of water, a pen, or just your phone if that's
all you have. And just hold it out in front of you. Now take a guess, how much do you think it weighs?
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It's not much, right? But what if I got you to hold it there for the next five minutes?
Or better still, how about I get you to hold it for the entire duration of this podcast for the next 15
minutes or so? What do you think it will weigh then? Now of course the item itself hasn't got heavier,
but the longer you hold onto it, the heavier it will feel. And that's what happens when we hold on
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to the past. It weighs us down, not in our arms, but in our minds and in our hearts. And you can put that
item down now. You don't need to hold onto it. But imagine putting it down after 20 minutes,
how good would that feel? And what if you were holding onto it for a few weeks or even years?
It'd be torture. If what you're holding onto is something negative or a bad experience,
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letting go won't erase what happened, but it will give you some relief and some space to move forward.
If you've been holding onto something from the past, ask yourself, is it time to let it go?
Which leads me to example number two, because if this one isn't sorted straight away,
it can end up lingering for days or weeks or even years. And I'm talking about letting go of the need
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to be right. I mean, I get it. We all love being right. It's like a little dopamine hit,
until it isn't. How many times have you found yourself in a pointless argument,
determined to prove your point about something trivial? Who put the empty milk carton in the fridge?
I mean, who really cares? Yet we dig in, don't we? Determined to win the argument. And sadly,
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small arguments can spiral into bigger arguments, not because of the issue itself, but because we don't
want to let go of our position. Families have been torn apart over this sort of stuff. Sometimes it
goes back so long they don't even remember what started it. There's a great little story I heard
years ago, about two monks. You might have heard it. They were out on a walk one day, walking
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along a path in silence. And they came across a woman who couldn't cross a section of the path because
of a big large muddy puddle in front of her. And doing so would have ruined her dress.
So one of the monks offered to pick her up and carry her across, and that's what he did.
The woman was super grateful, she continued on her path, and the monks continued their walk in
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silence. But after a couple of miles, the second monk couldn't hold his tongue any longer.
"Why did you do that?" he said to the first monk. "We're monks, we're not supposed to touch women,
I can't believe you did that." But the first monk wasn't going to enter into the argument with
his colleague. He simply replied, "I put her down on the other side of the puddle. Why are you still
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carrying her?" I love that story, because it not only shows how holding on can mess with our minds,
as it was clearly doing with the second monk, but that second monk was also so focused on being
right that he missed the kindness that the first monk displayed. And the real question isn't,
was he right? But what did it cost him to hold on? The first monk moved on, but the second monk
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carried it for miles, weighed down by his need to be right. How often have you done that in your own
life, replaying arguments in your head, convinced that you were justified? But all you really gain from
that is just a lack of sleep, feelings of anger or resentment. And you end up frozen in a trivial
moment in time, unable to move forward. Sometimes peace is more important than being right. Just let it
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go. And do you want to know a little secret about this one? When you choose to let go in this type of
situation, you actually get a little kick out of it. In many ways you get what you were trying to get
in the first place, some sort of sense of self-righteousness. It's almost like the universe says,
well done, good for you for taking the high road, gold star, pat on the head. So next time a situation
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really doesn't need to become anything more than just a blip of inner frustration. Take a deep breath
and just ask yourself, do I really need to be right? Or do I just let it go? The third example I want
to explore is letting go of attachment. Now we will love our families, our homes, our achievements,
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but life is a constant cycle of gain and loss. And everything we hold dear in this lifetime,
everything we are attached to, our possessions, job status, relationships, all of it will eventually
change or slip away from us. And it's not pessimism, it's just reality. And to show you what I mean,
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consider these four truths. With accumulation comes dispersion. With rising comes falling.
With meeting comes parting. And with life comes death. So let's look at the first one,
With accumulation comes dispersion. Think about it, every single thing you own, every possession,
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all your money will one day be passed on to someone else, or it will be given away or lost or thrown out
or it will simply decay. If you've been saving that tea set for special occasions, pull it out and
use it because one day it will probably be someone else's to enjoy. Everything you accumulate will
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one day be dispersed. With rising comes falling. No matter how high you climb, there will always be setbacks,
changes and eventually decline. Kings, Queens, politicians, movie stars, sports stars, no one stays
at the top forever. No one. With rising comes falling. With meeting comes parting. Every single connection
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you make, every relationship you have with your children, your partner, your friends, work colleagues,
no matter how deep, no matter how special, one day you will be parted, whether it be through
distance, through change or through death. It's another of life's truths. With meeting comes parting.
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And finally, the obvious one, with life comes death. Eventually everything dies, not just people
and pets, but everything. Leave a home vacant and over time it too will deteriorate and just return
to dust. Everything on this planet, including our planet and the sun, even the cockroaches,
will eventually die because it is one of the four truths with life comes death.
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Now I don't say these things to be morbid, it's quite the opposite because when you think about these
truths, it gives you a greater appreciation for what you have, knowing that it's all a gift, not a
guarantee. And when you let go of your attachment to people, positions, possessions, it doesn't
mean that you stop loving or caring. Rather it means that you can love more deeply and live more
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fully because you're not clinging on in fear of losing them. Because you know what? That's guaranteed.
You are going to lose them, you're going to lose all of it one day. So loosen your grip,
but enjoy them fully while you can. And just having that mindset can help us face loss with more grace
and gratitude as well. This one probably won't happen overnight, it takes practice, but it will be
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one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, letting go of attachment. The next example is one
that has brought me the greatest sense of freedom over the years and that is letting go of outcomes
and expectations. How often do we try to control what happens in our life only to be frustrated when
things don't go as planned? I mean, we're taught to set goals, make plans, strive for success,
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but life rarely follows our scripts and the tighter we cling to specific outcomes, the more frustrated
and disappointed we become when things just don't go as planned. But that kind of thinking,
when we truly believe that something can only happen this way or that, it's really narrow minded
thinking. It's like going around with blinkers on, but take them off and suddenly you open
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yourself up to find the solution you were looking for, or discover an alternative outcome that might be
even better than what you had in mind. It's like the guy who loses his job and tries desperately
for weeks to force his way back into his old industry, but nothing works. And then finally, he takes off
the blinkers, opens himself up to new ideas, and in the meantime, maybe starts baking bread at home
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because it relaxes him and he's good at it. In fact, he's so good at it that the next thing you know,
his hobby has turned into a thriving bakery and he's happier now than he's ever been, but it's
something he never would have planned had he kept those blinkers on. Letting go of his old idea of
career or success meant that he found something better. And the same can be said for expectations
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when people don't act how we believe they "should", it can lead to disappointment, anger or frustration
and much of it is so unnecessary. Just the simple act of sending someone a text message and expecting
a response straight away is enough to change your mood. You might start making stories in your head
about why they haven't responded. Oh, they don't like me anymore or they must be having fun with
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somebody else or they're just being rude or he's having an affair. Let it go. Send the message
and trust that the person will respond when they've got a moment. Expectations are simply reflections
of how you believe things should be. If you always respond immediately to messages, chances are you
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expect others to do the same. But some people just prefer to check their phones only once or twice a day.
You might expect your partner to give you a big hug and a kiss every time they come home from work.
But what happens when they come home after a really rotten day and their head is just filled with
a million thoughts? But there you are still expecting your hug and kiss. Suddenly you're all upset.
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Letting go of that expectation means it's nice when it happens but you don't get all upset when
your partner forgets or is just having a bad day. When we cling to set outcomes and expectations,
they almost always lead us down unhappy parts. Again, it takes practice but trust me, letting go is
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so worth it. And finally, let's talk about letting go of controlling other people. Now this one is
quite popular at the moment thanks to Mel Robbins' book "The Let Them Theory". It's struck a chord because
a lot of people are starting to realise that they can't control other people. And it's true,
you can't control how someone is going to behave, their thoughts, feelings or life choices.
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Think of a parent trying to steer every aspect of their child's life. The tighter the grip,
the more the child pulls away. But when we let go, when we support and encourage and trust,
that's when relationships flourish. Every one of us has our own map of the world which has been
shaped by our upbringing, education, and unique life experiences. You do things the way you do because
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of everything you have experienced in life. But what works for you may not work for me. Even if we
were raised in the same family, our maps would be different. It's like traveling to New York using
a map of London to guide you. We need to find our own way, use our own maps. As Mel Robbins says,
we need to let people be who they are. Let them make their own mistakes, follow their own paths
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and learn in their own time. It's not just freeing for them, but it's freeing for us too. We can't
control other people. We just have to let it go. Well hopefully these five examples have given
you a taste of how amazing letting go can be. I've only covered five, but I'm sure there are plenty
of other things we can let go of too. They are three simple words, but they hold the key to
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lightness, freedom, to peace, contentment. In almost any situation you can ask yourself,
what am I holding on to? And how can I let it go? Whether it's the past, the need to be
right, attachment, outcomes, or other people. Letting go is truly one of the greatest life hacks of all.
So what have you let go of? And how did it change your life? I'd love to hear your stories.
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Feel free to share in the comments or you can head to the comments page at stepintomepodcast.com.
Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope you leave a little lighter, a little freer,
ready to embrace the idea of letting go. And just a quick reminder too that the information
shared today is purely to enlighten and entertain. I'm not a medical professional, so if you do
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think you have a problem, please seek help from a healthcare professional. If you enjoyed this
episode, please give it five stars and follow or subscribe so you don't miss future episodes.
I'm the Belinda Lee. This is "Step Into Me" helping you find the courage to be true to yourself.
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