What Really Matters Most to You?

Have you ever felt restless or unsettled, but couldn't put your finger on why? You’re not alone. All too often, that uneasy feeling comes from living out of alignment with what truly matters to you - your core values.

Belinda Lee helps you uncover the values that drive your life decisions and shape your relationships. You’ll learn why certain situations leave you feeling drained or anxious, how to identify what’s really behind those feelings, and what to do to bring your life back into balance.

Get a better understanding of why you make the decisions you do, and a simple framework for living in a way that feels authentic, grounded, and true to yourself.

The information shared in this podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a medical professional. If you’re experiencing health or mental health issues, please seek advice from a qualified healthcare provider.

RESOURCES: Values List

CREDITS: Theme Music: "Strive to Be Better" by Craig Riley (licensed), "Finally See the Light" by Bryan Teoh (FreePD Music)

#StepIntoMePodcast #BelindaLee #WhatReallyMatters #CoreValues #LiveInAlignment #AuthenticLiving #TrueToYourself #PersonalDevelopment #SelfImprovement #SelfHelpPodcast

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
[Music]

(00:03):
Hi, I'm Belinda Lee and thank you for joining me for Series 2 of the Step Into Me podcast.
This time around, I'm going to do things a little bit differently, so the episodes are going to be shorter than they were last time around.
Less of the interviews and the production and the scripted material and sound effects and everything,

(00:24):
because what I discovered is that I really wanted to have a chat about all things, personal development and just living a good life and shedding the things that we don't need and living the good stuff.
And I suppose around this time of year when it's Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year, we get together with family and friends and we talk about what matters most.

(00:49):
And that's why I wanted to use that as a topic for this particular episode, because it was around this time a few years ago now that my husband's very dear friend.
He was a really fit, healthy, active guy, he loved his kayaking and cycling and all this sort of thing.
He was feeling unwell and a little bit bloated and after a while went to the doctor, had some blood tests done, had some scans and they diagnosed him with pancreatic cancer.

(01:20):
Not only that, they gave him three weeks to live and almost to the day he passed away three weeks later.
So it really was one of those moments where we sat back and said, "My goodness, life is short and you just never know when it's going to be our last turn around the sun."
It's a funny thing, isn't it? Us humans, we tend to think... in fact it has been researched that we think it happens to other people because we've never known non-existence.

(01:49):
How can we even fathom not being here? But every single person who was on the planet in 1908 is no longer here.
So we really need to, when we're thinking about putting life into perspective, really try and imagine not being here.
And that's something Nora Ephron did. I don't know if you're familiar with Nora Ephron. She was an American journalist and she was a writer and filmmaker.

(02:15):
She wrote When Harry met Sally and she wrote and directed, I think some of my favourite rom-coms, Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail, Julie & Julia and like heaps of other films as well.
But Nora in 2006 was diagnosed with a rare form of blood cancer. And some years later she wrote a book called "I Remember Nothing."

(02:36):
It was just a couple of years before she died. But she knew that she was dying.
And she wrote a couple of lists which were "the things that I will miss" and "the things that I won't miss".
And it was really interesting because on the will miss list, Nora had obviously her husband and kids.
But there was also things like taking a bath, waffles, reading in bed, dinner with friends, view out the window.

(03:02):
And in the things I won't miss list, she had things like bras and dry skin and the sound of the vacuum cleaner and so on.
But I think looking at the list of things that she would miss, it is often those little things.
It's the hugs and the dinner with friends and just having a coffee with somebody or going for a walk in the park.
I think it's an interesting exercise that she did and I think it's something that we should all do at some point rather than writing a new year's resolution list,

(03:31):
maybe write a list imagining that this is your last turn around the sun.
And what would you miss? And what wouldn't you miss? And use that as a guide to what really matters to you.
And what doesn't matter to you either if you wouldn't miss your job, maybe you need to start thinking about another job.
But also maybe put another column as well. What would I have done?

(03:55):
Like if you knew that your time was almost up and you missed out on things.
Would you have loved to have gone to New York? Would you have loved to have learnt to cook Thai food or speak French or taken that course or told that person that you loved them or mended that family feud?

(04:16):
They're the sorts of things that really matter.
The other thing that really matters in life is you and that might sound a little bit corny I know.
But sometimes we don't even stop to think just how impactful our words and actions are.

(04:41):
And you don't have to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company or anyone in a position of power or rich or famous or any of that
to make a huge impact on people's lives. And I think sometimes around this time of year, around Christmas and so on, particularly if you're alone you might be feeling like I don't have anything to offer.

(05:07):
But every single conversation that you have with people, everything that you do has a ripple effect.
Even a baby who may only live for a few weeks or a few hours has a huge impact on other people.
That only happened a couple of years ago. There was a little baby called Oscar who was born 23 weeks premature in the UK.

(05:31):
And he was simply too small to survive and he only lasted a few hours.
But within a month of Oscar's death his parents decided to channel their grief into something that they could do for others.
And they created The Little Wings of Hope, which is a charity designed to help other parents who are going through that same experience.

(05:52):
So Oscar's life, it may have only lasted a few hours, but his legacy still lives on.
And I think in the first 18 months of that charity being formed I think they helped something like 50 families. So it's a remarkable story.
There's another one you may have heard of it was in the early 1980s, a young American man that met a well-dressed chap in a Ferrari.

(06:15):
And got chatting with him, wanted to know what he did and discovered that this guy in the Ferrari was a stockbroker.
And this guy said, "that's it, I'm going to be a stockbroker". And there was only one problem with that. He had no money.
He was practically homeless. He had no education and he also had a young son to support as well. And after many months of knocking on doors he eventually scored a position with a financial training programme.

(06:45):
But still didn't have the funds to rent a property. So he and his son ended up being basically homeless for 12 months. They were living in shelters and public places for all that time.
But eventually things did turn around. He ended up becoming an entrepreneur. He ended up writing a book about his situation. And that book became the film, The Pursuit of Happyness, which in turn influenced thousands more people to donate to shelters and family support centres and even change their own lives.

(07:19):
So from one single conversation, one guy with no money, no home, seeing a guy with a Ferrari and saying, "hey, how did you do it?" Not only did he change his own life, but he also went on to change thousands, tens of thousands of lives in the process.
And there are just so many stories like that. There was another one here in the UK, some years back where a chap was in a very, very dark place.

(07:48):
And had, you know, had thoughts of ending his life. And he was in the car. He's listening to a song called "Dead Boys" by Sam Fender. And Sam was in the studio at BBC Five Live.
And having an interview and he was talking about how he wrote the song after a friend of his died. And the whole time this song was playing and the interview was going on.

(08:15):
This guy Ben was just in tears the whole time because it really touched him in a way that no one had spoken to him before.
And as a result of that, he reached out, he got help and ended up emailing the radio host, let them know that that song and that interview had saved his life.

(08:36):
So we just never know what we say or what we do and how it will impact other people. And already in your life, you've possibly impacted thousands, if not tens of thousands of people because you said something or did something with somebody.
And maybe they've taken it even further.

(08:57):
I remember a friend telling a story about a young man who'd been bullied at her school and years later, I think it was through social media, she discovered that he'd become a counsellor at schools.
And she sent him a private message just saying how happy she was that he'd landed on his feet and also wishing that she had done more.

(09:19):
And what she discovered was that it was a single act of kindness at school from a teacher that made him realise all those years ago as a little boy that one day he would grow up and help other kids just like him.
So to this day that teacher may not even realise that just a single act of kindness on her part not only got him through school, but also made him become a counsellor and go on to help many, many other children as well.

(09:51):
And who knows some of them may go on to help others in the future as well. So we never know where it ends. And I think it just goes to show your life really, really does matter.
So I think that's something else to ponder around this time of year and that is just how incredibly special you actually are.
I mean, not all days are diamonds, that's for sure. But make no mistake about it. Your life is a beautiful thread on a magnificent tapestry and it matters more than you'll probably ever know.

(10:25):
Well, thank you for joining me for episode one of series two. I'm Belinda Lee. This is Step Into Me, the podcast. Please like and subscribe and I'll catch you next time.