June 30, 2025 • 13 mins
I thought I was doing everything right—until I realized I was pushing my dog through a world he wasn’t ready for.
In this solo episode, Em shares the emotional turning point with Fitz: how dog parks and daily walks made things worse, how guilt and confusion clouded her decisions, and what finally shifted when she started listening instead of forcing.
You’ll hear:
- The early signs of reactivity Em missed (and what they looked like)
- Why “doing more” wasn’t the answer—and what made things worse
- How the decision to stop pushing created space for real healing
- What you can do instead when your dog is overwhelmed
This episode isn’t about giving up—it’s about pausing, listening, and meeting your dog where they are.
🎙️ Solo episodes drop every other Monday
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I didn't know my dog was struggling until I started to
look at the world through his eyes and then everything
changed. Welcome to straight up dog talk.
(00:20):
I'm Anne and this is one of our new solo episodes.
These episodes are focused on you and me having real
conversations about what real dog life behind the scenes
actually looks like. I won't be editing out any of
the barking, any of the chaos, any of the nonsense that
(00:41):
happens. If you get a quiet episode, you
get a quiet episode. If not, you're going to get the
real life on the porch, in the house, behind the computer,
wherever we're at. Because if we're not being
honest here, what are we even doing?
These episodes are short, sweet,and honest, designed
specifically for the pet parent who's struggling with a dog that
(01:02):
doesn't quite fit into the normal mold that Instagram
serves up on a silver platter. You're not alone here.
Today we're going to talk about something really personal for
me, reactivity. And not just what it looks like,
but what it feels like for you and your dog.
(01:24):
And to really get into it. I want to share a story with
you. Because the truth is, I didn't
get it right the first time around.
In fact, I got it wrong for a long time.
Four years, that's right, four years.
I got it wrong for four years. It's kind of hard to say that
(01:44):
honestly, knowing that I got it wrong for so long, almost half
of his life now. I got it wrong more than half of
his life before. Yikes.
That feels kind of icky. So I'm glad you're here because
(02:05):
you're doing something about it.And whether it's been as long as
me or longer than me, it doesn'tmatter because you're here
making positive change, learningfor you and your dog now, and
that is what counts. Pitts was overstimulated, pushed
past his limits. And every single time we went
(02:26):
back to the dog park, it just wound him tighter and tighter
and tighter. And I didn't know.
I didn't understand what I was seeing.
So when I started noticing that he had become more sensitive,
more barking in the apartment, more freezing on walks,
(02:47):
overreacting to little teeny tiny things, that's when I made
my next move and decided that itwas time for something
different. A private yard.
Something maybe a little bit calmer, a little bit more
digestible for him, some space of our own, but we didn't have
(03:09):
to worry about dogs or people orsmall children rushing us and
getting in our face. And that's when I made the
decision to move into a house with my previous partner, which
turned out to be probably the worst thing that I could have
done. I talked about that more in the
previous episode, the first soloepisode, number 79.
(03:31):
So go check out that episode formore details on that.
But in short, I put us in an even more chaotic,
unpredictable, and emotionally unsafe environment.
I was trying to fix Fitz's behavior, but my mental and
emotional state was completely falling apart.
(03:53):
And in the middle of all of that, I still had no help, no
prospects, nothing. Because everywhere I turned, I
was met with use a prong caller,use an E collar.
He needs more structure. He needs to learn who's the
boss. And none of that sat right with
(04:17):
me. And it still doesn't.
I don't understand this crazy fixation that humanity has when
it comes to control. Why do we need to control a
living being? Dogs are sentient beings with
(04:38):
thoughts and emotions and uniquepersonalities and we just want
to tamp that down. What is the point of having a
dog if you can't have a relationship and have fun and
engage with this wonderful creature that lives in your
(04:59):
house and maybe snuggles in yourbed or on your couch and just
loves you unconditionally? Why would you want to just
forcefully control that? That doesn't seem like a very
loving relationship to me. There wasn't any information out
(05:19):
there on what to do instead. Nobody was talking about what a
dog like Fitz needed to thrive. Nobody was talking about what a
dog like Fitz was experiencing, how overstimulation and fear and
pressure from the outside world was actually causing him to
(05:43):
react the way that he was. And it wasn't until Fitz was
four years old that I stopped trying to fix him and actually
started to listen to him. And by then we were deep in the
guilt. Deep in the guilt and the shame
(06:08):
and the embarrassment of our situation.
I remember that last day that wewent to the dog park where he
screeched on his brakes the second I got him out of the car
and I still made him go into thedog park.
(06:32):
That moment lives rent free in my head.
But we were at the dog park and he needed to get his energy out
and I needed him to go for a walk around the loop.
And we got halfway down the entryway and he put his brakes
(06:54):
on again and a whole pack of dogs rushed up on us.
And he turned around and he ran back to the gate.
I was embarrassed. I started to cry.
I put his leash on him and I took him back to the car and we
went home and we never went to the dog park again.
(07:15):
I knew in that moment he wasn't being stubborn.
He wasn't being a jerk. He was scared.
He was overwhelmed and he didn'tknow what to do.
So he said bye. I put him in that situation, a
(07:38):
situation that he wasn't prepared for because I did not
properly set him up for success.I did not give him the tools and
the framework and the systems tohelp him be successful in an
environment where there was a million things going on.
He didn't know what to do and itwas my fault.
(08:01):
I didn't set him up properly to be successful in a situation
like that. I know that now.
I didn't know that then and thatis why I wanted to make this
episode because I know that I amnot the only one who has felt
that way or will feel that way in the future.
(08:22):
Your reactive dog is not giving you a hard time.
They are having a hard time. And if you stop and slow down
and take a minute to listen, I promise you it will change
everything. So for the big beefy part of
(08:43):
this show, let's go over the five things your reactive dog
wishes they could say to you. Number one, I'm not trying to be
difficult, I'm trying to feel safe.
This isn't about control, it's about protection.
Your dog is reacting the way that it's brain is telling them
(09:05):
to. It's doing the best it can with
limited information about all ofthe things that is going on
around them. It is your job to take your dog
and slowly introduce them to newenvironments and stimuli.
The things happening in the environment.
(09:27):
Some dogs can't do all of that in one big swoop.
Some dogs are graded, but other dogs are not.
So it's your job to take a step back and see what you can do to
help your dog be successful in this situation #2 I need smaller
(09:47):
steps than you think I do. You don't have to do everything
at once. Something that we feel is very
insignificant can feel like a really big deal to our dogs.
So if the biggest thing that youachieve is walking down the
stairs, walking out onto the porch, and then going back
(10:10):
inside, take the win. Sometimes that's all they have
the capacity to do. And practicing this over and
over and over again until they become relaxed and calm is when
it's time to make it a little bit harder.
But that doesn't mean walk all the way to the end of the
driveway. Maybe that means we just sit on
(10:32):
the front porch for a little bitinstead and have some snacks.
Every dog is different, and the size of the step matters.
Number three walks don't always make me feel better.
For me and Fitz, the turning point was stopping structured
walks. End of story.
(10:57):
Treat searches, trick training, games in the yard, all of that
did way more for Fitz than a walk ever could, because not
only was he comfortable, he was having fun.
And that matters. Number four, you don't have to
(11:18):
explain me, just protect me. You don't need to explain why
your dog has a muzzle. You don't need to explain why
you're crossing the street. You don't need to explain why
you're turning the other way. You have a right to your own
safety and Peace of Mind, and sodoes your dog.
If that means getting the heck out of dodge, then get out of
(11:39):
dodge #5 you're not failing. I see your effort every time you
turn around instead of pushing your dog through and forcing
them to do something they're clearly asking you to not do.
That is where growth happens. That is where the trust builds.
(11:59):
That is where the confidence starts to blossom.
That is what progress looks like.
This is where trust starts. So if you're deep in the
reactivity hole with your dog, Iwant you to hear me say this.
(12:20):
You're not doing it wrong. You are not behind.
You're learning, and honestly, that makes you the perfect
guardian or pet parent for your dog.
It's OK if you didn't know. It's OK if you're learning
backwards. I did too, and it brought me
(12:42):
here. If this episode resonated with
you, share it with somebody who's in this space, someone who
might need the reminder that it's not about perfection, it's
about presents. And I'll see you in the next
episode.
I didn't know my dog was struggling until I started to
look at the world through his eyes and then everything
changed. Welcome to straight up dog talk.
(00:20):
I'm Anne and this is one of our new solo episodes.
These episodes are focused on you and me having real
conversations about what real dog life behind the scenes
actually looks like. I won't be editing out any of
the barking, any of the chaos, any of the nonsense that
(00:41):
happens. If you get a quiet episode, you
get a quiet episode. If not, you're going to get the
real life on the porch, in the house, behind the computer,
wherever we're at. Because if we're not being
honest here, what are we even doing?
These episodes are short, sweet,and honest, designed
specifically for the pet parent who's struggling with a dog that
(01:02):
doesn't quite fit into the normal mold that Instagram
serves up on a silver platter. You're not alone here.
Today we're going to talk about something really personal for
me, reactivity. And not just what it looks like,
but what it feels like for you and your dog.
(01:24):
And to really get into it. I want to share a story with
you. Because the truth is, I didn't
get it right the first time around.
In fact, I got it wrong for a long time.
Four years, that's right, four years.
I got it wrong for four years. It's kind of hard to say that
(01:44):
honestly, knowing that I got it wrong for so long, almost half
of his life now. I got it wrong more than half of
his life before. Yikes.
That feels kind of icky. So I'm glad you're here because
(02:05):
you're doing something about it.And whether it's been as long as
me or longer than me, it doesn'tmatter because you're here
making positive change, learningfor you and your dog now, and
that is what counts. Pitts was overstimulated, pushed
past his limits. And every single time we went
(02:26):
back to the dog park, it just wound him tighter and tighter
and tighter. And I didn't know.
I didn't understand what I was seeing.
So when I started noticing that he had become more sensitive,
more barking in the apartment, more freezing on walks,
(02:47):
overreacting to little teeny tiny things, that's when I made
my next move and decided that itwas time for something
different. A private yard.
Something maybe a little bit calmer, a little bit more
digestible for him, some space of our own, but we didn't have
(03:09):
to worry about dogs or people orsmall children rushing us and
getting in our face. And that's when I made the
decision to move into a house with my previous partner, which
turned out to be probably the worst thing that I could have
done. I talked about that more in the
previous episode, the first soloepisode, number 79.
(03:31):
So go check out that episode formore details on that.
But in short, I put us in an even more chaotic,
unpredictable, and emotionally unsafe environment.
I was trying to fix Fitz's behavior, but my mental and
emotional state was completely falling apart.
(03:53):
And in the middle of all of that, I still had no help, no
prospects, nothing. Because everywhere I turned, I
was met with use a prong caller,use an E collar.
He needs more structure. He needs to learn who's the
boss. And none of that sat right with
(04:17):
me. And it still doesn't.
I don't understand this crazy fixation that humanity has when
it comes to control. Why do we need to control a
living being? Dogs are sentient beings with
(04:38):
thoughts and emotions and uniquepersonalities and we just want
to tamp that down. What is the point of having a
dog if you can't have a relationship and have fun and
engage with this wonderful creature that lives in your
(04:59):
house and maybe snuggles in yourbed or on your couch and just
loves you unconditionally? Why would you want to just
forcefully control that? That doesn't seem like a very
loving relationship to me. There wasn't any information out
(05:19):
there on what to do instead. Nobody was talking about what a
dog like Fitz needed to thrive. Nobody was talking about what a
dog like Fitz was experiencing, how overstimulation and fear and
pressure from the outside world was actually causing him to
(05:43):
react the way that he was. And it wasn't until Fitz was
four years old that I stopped trying to fix him and actually
started to listen to him. And by then we were deep in the
guilt. Deep in the guilt and the shame
(06:08):
and the embarrassment of our situation.
I remember that last day that wewent to the dog park where he
screeched on his brakes the second I got him out of the car
and I still made him go into thedog park.
(06:32):
That moment lives rent free in my head.
But we were at the dog park and he needed to get his energy out
and I needed him to go for a walk around the loop.
And we got halfway down the entryway and he put his brakes
(06:54):
on again and a whole pack of dogs rushed up on us.
And he turned around and he ran back to the gate.
I was embarrassed. I started to cry.
I put his leash on him and I took him back to the car and we
went home and we never went to the dog park again.
(07:15):
I knew in that moment he wasn't being stubborn.
He wasn't being a jerk. He was scared.
He was overwhelmed and he didn'tknow what to do.
So he said bye. I put him in that situation, a
(07:38):
situation that he wasn't prepared for because I did not
properly set him up for success.I did not give him the tools and
the framework and the systems tohelp him be successful in an
environment where there was a million things going on.
He didn't know what to do and itwas my fault.
(08:01):
I didn't set him up properly to be successful in a situation
like that. I know that now.
I didn't know that then and thatis why I wanted to make this
episode because I know that I amnot the only one who has felt
that way or will feel that way in the future.
(08:22):
Your reactive dog is not giving you a hard time.
They are having a hard time. And if you stop and slow down
and take a minute to listen, I promise you it will change
everything. So for the big beefy part of
(08:43):
this show, let's go over the five things your reactive dog
wishes they could say to you. Number one, I'm not trying to be
difficult, I'm trying to feel safe.
This isn't about control, it's about protection.
Your dog is reacting the way that it's brain is telling them
(09:05):
to. It's doing the best it can with
limited information about all ofthe things that is going on
around them. It is your job to take your dog
and slowly introduce them to newenvironments and stimuli.
The things happening in the environment.
(09:27):
Some dogs can't do all of that in one big swoop.
Some dogs are graded, but other dogs are not.
So it's your job to take a step back and see what you can do to
help your dog be successful in this situation #2 I need smaller
(09:47):
steps than you think I do. You don't have to do everything
at once. Something that we feel is very
insignificant can feel like a really big deal to our dogs.
So if the biggest thing that youachieve is walking down the
stairs, walking out onto the porch, and then going back
(10:10):
inside, take the win. Sometimes that's all they have
the capacity to do. And practicing this over and
over and over again until they become relaxed and calm is when
it's time to make it a little bit harder.
But that doesn't mean walk all the way to the end of the
driveway. Maybe that means we just sit on
(10:32):
the front porch for a little bitinstead and have some snacks.
Every dog is different, and the size of the step matters.
Number three walks don't always make me feel better.
For me and Fitz, the turning point was stopping structured
walks. End of story.
(10:57):
Treat searches, trick training, games in the yard, all of that
did way more for Fitz than a walk ever could, because not
only was he comfortable, he was having fun.
And that matters. Number four, you don't have to
(11:18):
explain me, just protect me. You don't need to explain why
your dog has a muzzle. You don't need to explain why
you're crossing the street. You don't need to explain why
you're turning the other way. You have a right to your own
safety and Peace of Mind, and sodoes your dog.
If that means getting the heck out of dodge, then get out of
(11:39):
dodge #5 you're not failing. I see your effort every time you
turn around instead of pushing your dog through and forcing
them to do something they're clearly asking you to not do.
That is where growth happens. That is where the trust builds.
(11:59):
That is where the confidence starts to blossom.
That is what progress looks like.
This is where trust starts. So if you're deep in the
reactivity hole with your dog, Iwant you to hear me say this.
(12:20):
You're not doing it wrong. You are not behind.
You're learning, and honestly, that makes you the perfect
guardian or pet parent for your dog.
It's OK if you didn't know. It's OK if you're learning
backwards. I did too, and it brought me
(12:42):
here. If this episode resonated with
you, share it with somebody who's in this space, someone who
might need the reminder that it's not about perfection, it's
about presents. And I'll see you in the next
episode.
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