Starting Over with Your Dog—Even When You Feel Defeated

I almost didn’t become a dog trainer… because I was afraid no one would understand Fitz.

In this deeply personal episode, Em opens up about the guilt and hesitation that followed years of trying everything—from dog parks and daily walks to strategies that didn’t sit right. After realizing she’d been pushing Fitz through a world he wasn’t ready for, Em made the hardest—and most important—choice: to start over.

You’ll hear:

• Why starting over isn’t a failure—it’s a turning point

• The emotional cost of “doing everything right” when it still doesn’t work

• What Em unlearned to help Fitz thrive

• Why learning backwards is still learning—and it’s valid

This episode is for anyone who feels like they’ve missed their chance, messed things up, or are too deep into the process to shift course. You’re not behind. You’re not failing. You’re doing the brave work of listening.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I hesitated to become a dog trainer because I thought I
would be judged for my dog. Welcome to straight up dog talk.
I'm M and today's solo episode is for anyone who feels like
they've tried everything and nothing is working.

(00:22):
If you've ever sat there thinking, why is this so hard?
Why don't we have this figured out yet?
Did I mess this up too badly to fix it?
This episode's for you. I don't talk about this part
very often, but I almost didn't become a dog trainer.
Well, actually, let's back up. I almost became a dog trainer

(00:44):
three different times in my life, but every single time, it
never felt like it was the righttime.
I didn't think that I had the right mentor.
I didn't know where to start. One was right after brain
surgery, 1 was immediately afterI started working with a trainer
with Fitz, and one was all the way back when I was still a vet

(01:06):
tech. Each time I thought about
pursuing life as a dog trainer, I talked myself out of it.
I wasn't sure if I was good enough.
I wasn't sure if I had the rightresources.
I wasn't sure if I believed in myself enough to go out on a
limb and try something new, but each time I decided not to

(01:26):
become a dog trainer, it was never because I didn't love dogs
or that I didn't have years of experience handling them,
because I had all of those things.
But most recently, when it came to Fitz, if it wasn't for my
mentors, I probably wouldn't have taken the plunge simply
because I was afraid that peoplewould not understand Fitz.

(01:49):
They would look at his progress and wonder why it was so slow.
They would question my methods and my ethics and my ability to
get the job done if I couldn't even get it done with my own
dog. Fitz was already four years old.
We had tried so many things, andstill his big feelings came out

(02:09):
in ways I didn't know how to handle.
Barking, lunging, spinning, freezing, shutting down.
I felt like I was out of my league.
Come up here, OK? Come on, You're going to join
in, OK? And deep down, I carried this

(02:30):
belief that because I hadn't gotten it right the first time,
that I had already failed him. That because I didn't get it
right the first time, I couldn'tpossibly help somebody else get
it right. That there was no way I could be
a trainer if I had to start overmyself.
But here's the truth that I really want you to hear today.

(02:50):
Starting over isn't failure. It's bravery.
It's listening, it's adapting, and it's saying I see what I
didn't do right here and I'm ready to do things differently
without shame. There was no magic moment when
everything clicked together. There was no perfect program, no
single tool in my toolbox that could fix everything.

(03:13):
It was 1000 tiny little shifts, learning what fits needed and
letting go of the things that didn't work or feel right.
A whole lot of unlearning thingsI had been told to do but that
didn't work for fits. So if you're listening to this
and thinking, I've used the tools, I've followed the steps

(03:38):
and it still feels off, or maybeI've tried things I'm not proud
of because I didn't know what else to do and even I'm learning
backwards and I'm tired. I just want to say you're
allowed to start over. You're allowed to do it
differently. And that doesn't mean that

(04:00):
you've failed. It means that you're growing.
Some of the biggest shifts that I've made were actually pretty
simple things when you think about it.
I stopped walking Fitz every dayand started focusing on moments
of calm and connection instead. I stopped pushing him into
situations to fix his reactivityand started listening to what

(04:22):
made him feel safe. I stopped pretending we were
farther along than we were and started honoring.
Exactly where we were in his journey.
These weren't always things thatI found online or that trainers
or my mentors were recommending to me.
Sometimes they were even a combination of those things, but
all of them worked for us. Something that I've said a

(04:46):
million times over and will continue to say a million times
more is that learning from different teachers is the most
important thing that you can do for yourself and your dog.
Taking a variety of skills and spicing it up with a little bit
of this and a little bit of thatis the best recipe because every

(05:07):
dog is different, and if you don't adapt what you're doing to
the individual dog, it's going to be really hard to succeed.
A failed recipe is always a failed recipe.
It's not going to be palatable for anybody if you burn it or
put the wrong spices in it. The main message I have for you
today is that your dog doesn't need you to be perfect.

(05:31):
They need you to be present and willing and honest enough to say
this isn't working. Starting over isn't a weakness,
it's where the connection begins.
If nobody has told you this yet,today, you are not alone in
this. Remember, solo episodes drop
every other Monday, and if you're walking through something
really heavy with your dog rightnow, I hope that you'll come

(05:53):
back. I'm so glad you're here.
See you next time.