Reactive Dog Behavior: 3 Truths I Wish I Knew

In this reactive dog podcast episode, Em shares 3 lessons from training Fitz—why walks made things worse and how regulation matters more than obedience.

💭 I thought I was doing everything right.
But nothing was working—because I was starting from the wrong place.

Reactivity training can feel like a full-time job. And when you’re doing all the things but your dog is still barking, lunging, or spiraling… it’s easy to feel like you’re failing.

In this episode of Straight Up Dog Talk, I’m sharing the 3 biggest things I wish I knew before I ever started training with Fitz—and why understanding his emotional world changed everything.

💡 You’ll learn:
• Why daily walks were making things worse• How regression is often a sign of growth• Why emotional regulation matters more than obedience• What helped us slow down, reconnect, and start seeing real progress

🛑 This one’s for the pet parent who’s doing their best and still feels like it’s not enough.
You’re not failing. You’re just in the messy middle—and your dog is still learning, too. 💛

🕒 Episode Breakdown:00:00 I Didn’t Fail My Dog—I Just Didn’t Know00:40 Welcome to Straight Up Dog Talk01:15 Why This Episode Matters01:50 Lesson 1: Walks Are Not Always the Answer03:25 The Turning Point: Connection Over Control04:30 Lesson 2: Progress Doesn’t Always Look Pretty06:00 The Scatter Feeding Breakthrough06:30 Lesson 3: Regulation Over Obedience07:30 Final Thoughts & Where to Get Support

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#reactivedogsupport #dogbehaviorhelp #bigfeelingdogs #dogtrainingrealtalk #straightupdogtalk

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
My client didn't fail my dog, I just didn't know what I didn't
know. Welcome to Straight Up Dog Talk,
the podcast for real dog people who need more than filtered
advice. I'm M dog trainer, canine

(00:21):
nutritionist, enrichment specialist and the human behind
Fitz and Toby. Each week we talk about what
really matters because you and your dog deserve honesty,
support, and connection. Whether you're here for help,
healing, or just a dose of me too, you're in the right place.
If you've ever googled why is mydog reactive or thought why is

(00:44):
this happening even though I'm trying so hard, this is the
episode for you. Today I'm breaking down the
three biggest things I wish I had known before I started
Reactivity training. Fit Fits because it would have
saved us so much stress, so muchconfusion, and a lot of

(01:07):
heartache. By the end of this episode,
you'll learn why walk based training can actually stall your
progress, the real reason your dog's behavior might get worse
before it gets better, and why reactivity isn't just about what
your dog sees, it's about what they feel.
If you're feeling defeated or unsure what to try next, you're

(01:29):
not broken, you're just early inthe journey.
Let's talk about it. Let me say this first.
I did everything people told me to do.
Structured walks, long leash decompression, counter
conditioning. I had the gear, I had the
schedule, I had the plan, and Fitz still struggled.

(01:52):
That's when I realized this wasn't about doing it wrong, It
was about starting with the wrong foundation.
So here are the three things I wish someone had told me sooner.
Number one, walks are not alwaysthe answer.
You hear it everywhere. A tired dog is a good dog.

(02:13):
Just walk them more. Use the walk to teach focus and
structure. And for a long time we tried
that, and I believed that it would work.
Walks made everything worse. I'll never forget this one walk.
Early on it was quiet outside, barely any foot traffic and I

(02:34):
thought, OK, this will be good for him.
Even before we made it to the corner, he was already scanning,
pulling, reacting to every little sound and movement.
I was stressed out the whole time, so frustrated with him.
He wasn't learning, he wasn't decompressing, he was barely

(02:55):
holding it together. I came home more stressed and
honestly more pissed than when we left, and so did he.
So eventually I decided to stop forcing it.
He stayed home. We spent more time in the yard
playing fetch, we spent more time learning to decompress on
the couch together, and we just spent more time being together

(03:19):
Then we actually did training. And that's when I started to see
the progress. Walks are not the gold standard.
They are an activity, not a requirement.
And sometimes the kindest thing you can do is stay home #2
progress doesn't always look like what you'd expect it to.

(03:40):
This one caught me completely off guard at the beginning of
training. It's actually got worse, and
quite frankly, I panicked because I thought it meant I had
messed up everything. But here's the truth.
That wasn't regression, it was released.

(04:00):
He had been holding it in for solong, so afraid to show how he
felt, that once I gave him the space to safely express himself,
he did. Loudly, messily, but completely
honestly. And to be frank, it hurt a

(04:24):
little bit. I thought I had made things
worse. But what I know now is
reactivity is communication, andwhen your dog starts talking
louder, it might mean that they're finally trusting you
enough to speak up for themselves.
There's a moment that I still think about sometimes.

(04:45):
We were in the front yard just doing some scatter feeding,
having some snacks, hanging out on the long line, and someone
walked by with their dog. Fitz barked a lot.
But then I was able to regain his attention and he looked at
me. That was it.
That was our turning point. He still saw the trigger and

(05:06):
reacted, but he didn't spiral. He looked to me for direction,
not because I cued him, but because we had built trust.
I had given him the space to make the decision.
That moment would have never happened if I had shut him down
earlier in the process. He needed to go through the

(05:27):
messy middle to get there, and so did I #3 regulation is
greater than obedience. This was the biggest shift of
all for us. Fitz didn't need to sit or lay
down or stay when he saw a trigger.
He didn't need to heal past a barking dog.

(05:51):
He needed to feel safe. And until I prioritized his
emotional regulation, his nervous system, over his
behavior, nothing stuck. I used to think it was my job to
prevent the reaction, but now I see my job as creating the

(06:11):
conditions where reaction doesn't feel necessary.
It's not about controlling the moment, it's about supporting
the whole dog. Now everything we do starts with
safety. Safety in the environment,
safety in our communication, safety in his body.

(06:32):
Because a regulated dog is capable of learning.
An overstimulated dog is just surviving.
And personally, I'd rather help my dog feel safe than look good
for other people. If I could go back to day one, I
wouldn't tell myself to try harder.
I'd tell myself to slow down, toobserve more, to drop the

(06:56):
timeline, to stop chasing betterbehavior and start building
trust. Because the first time Fitz was
able to pause and look at me instead of reacting
automatically, that was the moment I knew we were on the
right path. It didn't happen on a walk.
It didn't happen after a queue. It happened in a moment of

(07:19):
connection. And that is what this journey is
all about. If this episode made you feel
seen, share it with someone elsewho's doing their best with a
big feeling dog. Leave a review on your favorite
platform or tag me on Instagram at M under score loves dogs.
I'd love to hear what resonated with you, and if you're looking

(07:40):
for training support that meets you and dog where you are, check
out the free console link in theepisode description.
You don't need to have all the answers, you just need to be
willing to learn with your dog and that is exactly what you're
doing.