May 28, 2025 • 42 mins
In this pet loss podcast episode, we explore in-home end-of-life care for dogs—how to prepare, honor your pet’s life, and find comfort in goodbye.
💛 Saying goodbye is the hardest part of loving a pet.
In this deeply heartfelt episode of Straight Up Dog Talk, Em sits down with Dr. Benson and Courtney from Paws Into Grace to explore how we can provide comfort, dignity, and love during our pets’ final chapter.
💡 In this episode, you’ll learn:
• What in-home end-of-life care looks like and why it matters
• How to prepare emotionally and logistically for your pet’s passing
• What options exist for aftercare and honoring your pet’s life
• How Dr. Benson is changing the narrative around pet loss with grace and compassion
This episode offers support, insight, and reassurance to any pet parent navigating grief or anticipating a goodbye.
🎙️ Guest Info:📲 Follow Paws Into Grace on Instagram: @pawsintograce🌐 Learn more about their compassionate services: pawsintograce.com
✨ Stay Connected:🌐 Website + Free Resources: straightupdogtalk.com🆓 Book your free training or nutrition consult: straightupdogtalk.hbportal.co/schedule/668856198dc476001953809b💛 Follow Straight Up Dog Talk for more insights and updates on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.
#petloss #endoflifecare #pawsintograce #petparentcommunity #straightupdogtalk
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Straight Up Dog Talk,the podcast where pet parents,
pet guardians, and pet professionals come together to
dive into real issues in dog parenting.
From controversial training methods to sensitive health
topics, we're getting raw and real about what it means to care
for our canine companions. Join us every Wednesday for
unfiltered conversations, expertinsights, and personal stories
(00:21):
that will make you laugh, cry, and grow as a pet parent.
No topic is off limits and no question goes unanswered.
You won't get one perspective here, you'll get them all
because every dog is different and every human is too.
You can follow along on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook
at Straight Up Dog Talk or by visiting
www.straightupdogtalk.com. TuneIn from any of your favorite
(00:43):
podcast platforms. Welcome straight up dog talk.
I'm Anne and we're back again this week, but we have two
amazing guests this week insteadof just one.
This week we have Doctor Benson and Courtney from Paws into
Grace. How are you ladies doing today?
We're great. Thanks for having us.
Yes, absolutely. This is one of the more
(01:05):
sensitive topics to talk about. We have had a couple of episodes
where we have talked about pet loss, We've had a pet loss
counselor on and we've had a couple of people come on and
talk about their pet losses. But we haven't actually had a
conversation about what it takesto go into a euthanasia, the
process after the euthanasia, all of the things.
(01:26):
So what I would like to do todayis talk about pause into grace
is how it came to be the services that you provide for
people and why you do what you do.
I will let you guys each introduce yourselves and then we
can kind of jump in. I'm Doctor Benson and I started
Pause into Grace maybe about 15 years ago and initially I was
(01:49):
working in emergency and the euthanasia, how we went about it
just seemed so wrong. And I actually dreaded those
appointments because the the dogor the cat, they were scared,
everything was unfamiliar, it was chaotic, the environment was
sterile. It just seemed like the wrong
goodbye for the animals. So that's how it started was
(02:14):
this idea that this is really anintimate experience and that's
how it should be is at home the dog or cat, they shouldn't be
stressed out. It shouldn't be with smells of
alcohol and cold tables and all of that should be under tree or
it should be by the fire. Family should have that intimate
moment to say goodbye. And that just seemed to be a
(02:37):
better experience for the patient and the families, but
was originally very patient centered.
And then what I didn't really think about or realize and what
inspired me so much was how was such a completely different
experience for families. And suddenly the dog, they would
come to greet me like I was a friend and there was no stress.
(02:59):
They weren't, and it was just a more gentle goodbye for the
families and it just changed completely how they were going
through death. I was a vet tech for about 10
years. I agree with you.
I completely understand how sterile and also how cold and
difficult it can be to be in a treatment room with someone.
(03:21):
I even worked for a Doctor Who did not allow us to cry.
If the patients were crying and we started to cry as the tech,
she would kick us out of the room.
Yeah, it was it was awful. We really had to learn to
control our emotions because somebody has to be in there with
the veterinarian. And it was really, really
difficult thing. The first day of my career as a
(03:43):
veterinary technician, we euthanized 3 animals and I was
like, I don't know if I can do this.
And it was definitely not something that I enjoyed.
And I wish that we had a servicelike yours in my local community
because I think that it's just areally, really beautiful thing
that you can provide for people.And then we have Courtney.
(04:03):
Why don't you tell us how you are involved?
Absolutely. I have known Doctor Benson for
almost 15 years now and we started working together in
2020. I have a background in
marketing, communications, public relations, definitely
nothing from the veterinary world.
And so I had come on just to help with some social media
(04:25):
marketing different things, and then very quickly realized like
what a beautiful opportunity this is to help families.
Doctor Benson really laid the foundation for having this
beautiful goodbye that I think everybody wants.
And as I started working, the area I saw where we really
needed growth was we were partnered with other crematories
(04:46):
at the time. Once the euthanasia took place,
we would partner with them for the cremation part.
And that's where I saw the opportunity pretty immediately
that if we want to offer families truly the level of
service that she's dreamed about, we've got to do the
cremation ourselves as well. We had not that many
conversations before we actuallywent and leased a building and
(05:09):
bought equipment and opened our own Crematory.
That has been really, really amazing.
First of all, just in providing jobs in our local community.
But also the primary goal from for us is we want every single
pet that comes into our company to be handled like they were our
own. And so when we have one of our
(05:31):
doctors going to the appointmentand then they're coming back to
a Crematory that's full of our employees that we've trained on
how to respect, it really is sacred work.
And we're able to make sure thatthat is carried out throughout
the entire process. I really like the language that
you guys are using. You can tell how much intent and
how much care and how much love is put into this because it is
(05:54):
such a hard experience. It is such a hard decision to
make, so having those gentle steps to lead people up to this
is really, really important. Where are you guys located?
We're in San Diego as far as ourcremation office, but as far as
the home euthanasia and the services that we offer, we're
(06:15):
from Orange County all the way down to the border of Southern
California near Mexico. We have a lot of listeners in
that area, so that's really, really good to know.
It's also really good to be ableto point people in the direction
of a service always, especially something like this.
Why don't you talk a little bit about the process?
How does this work? When someone calls you, what are
(06:37):
the steps that you walk them through to get them to their
beautiful goodbye? We have a team of remote
reception that are available seven days a week.
There are employees, most of them are San Diego based.
So we have had a couple that have migrated across the country
with this remote role. But you're speaking with someone
who is truly an expert in clientcare and has talked with
(07:02):
hundreds if not thousands of people in every single stage of
this loss. We have people that call that
maybe they've just gotten a diagnosis and their pet is going
to be going through treatment and they want to know how what
to expect. Or sometimes we have people that
today is the day. So we have a team of client care
specialists that are honestly the most empathetic people you
(07:23):
will ever meet because they are speaking all day every day with
people that are going through this tremendous, tremendous law.
A lot of what happens on the phone is discussing what's going
on with their pet. We do terminal euthanasias.
We don't do convenience euthanasias.
So having that conversation and making sure that this truly is
the time and then giving them expectations for what the
(07:45):
appointment looks like. We don't want people to be
surprised in the appointment. It's really important for them
to know that there's going to bea sedation injection.
It's like you and I getting a flu shot.
There is a quick poke with that and the veterinarians are
wonderful about walking through that in the appointment.
But we do have a lot of conversations about what the
appointment looks like. And I think the biggest
(08:06):
conversations we have are, is ittime?
How do I know it's time? And having a lot of those
quality of life discussions thatthat happen on the phone, a lot
of people just because their vethas said it's time, may not
emotionally be ready for that. A lot of times our team is
having those in depth discussions to say, if you think
about 10 things your dog love todo in their prime, how many can
(08:27):
they do now? If you think about quality of
days for your cat, well how manygood days versus bad days?
Our team definitely tries to take the time to talk through
those things because when we have a doctor come to your home,
we want you to be confident and that this is the kind thing to
do. No one's ever ready to do it.
It never feels good, but it is akindness.
So it's important for our clients to be at that point that
(08:49):
by the time the doctor gets there and I think that the
reception team takes a lot of time to make sure that our
clients are confident in what's going to happen to the
appointment and and yes, this isthe right time.
After you walk them through all of that and they get to the
point then where they're like, OK, this is a kindness, this is
the right decision. I think that maybe if we could
do it in three days, then what happens from there?
(09:12):
We'll schedule out the appointment.
There's a number of details thatwe would need to book that, but
from there, once the appointmentis booked, the doctor will get a
confirmation and the doctor willcome on that day.
We typically see people booking,I would say within a week, but
we often have same day. Sometimes even those week
appointments that day comes and they're not ready.
(09:34):
Or inexplicably the dog that's been immobile is now running
around the house happily. And sometimes we have a delay
and that's OK. We really try to follow what our
pets are telling us and what ourhumans.
So we follow that guideline as best we can with, you know, what
the situation presents us. Is there a time frame or do you
feel the situation out as it goes?
(09:56):
Once the doctor is there and thefinal decision has been made,
what does that usually look like?
That's probably more for you, Doctor Vincent.
So you're asking what is the appointment like?
Yeah, once they've made the final decision and they're
starting to say their goodbyes and they've picked the location,
they want to do it on the back deck because that's where the
dog likes to sun every day. And yeah, they're everybody's
(10:18):
out there and you're going to gothrough the process.
And I know personally what a euthanasia is like because I've
experienced many of them. But I'm sure you you walk them
through again. But what does it look like time
wise? Because I know people get edgy
and they get iffy and then things stall out a little bit
and you give that injection where we're now sedated, but
(10:39):
we're not quite ready for that final injection.
What does that look like in thatmoment?
I think it's it really is individualized.
I never really know how exactly an appointment is gonna go
because I really have to see thedynamics of the family.
I have to see how stable the dogis, depends on what the
(11:01):
underlying disease process is. It depends on the dog or cat's
personality. There are just so many factors.
So I can't really plan out an appointment.
I have a general process where when I'm there, I like to meet
the pet first because I want to make sure that the pet feels
(11:22):
comfortable with me. Or if they have anxiety with
people they don't know, then I wouldn't necessarily do that
part. But that's probably one of the
most important steps I think, isjust making sure that the pet
does feel comfortable with me and I'm not adding stress.
Then another important componentis going to be communication
(11:44):
with the family so that they understand what's going to
happen and they don't have surprises.
But we're going to do a little, little bit of paperwork here.
But then I'm going to give this injection that helps them fall
asleep 1st and that's generally about 5 to 10 minutes before
they fall asleep with that medication.
(12:05):
If there's underlying disease like heart disease or lung
disease or something like that, that can change what happens
during the appointment. There may be faster breathing
and how I'm going to handle that, how I'm going to respond.
So trying to coach them through because if you know what to
expect, then a lot of that stress is removed from the
(12:27):
appointment. We want everything to be as calm
as possible. So that's part of it.
And then once they're asleep, they have time.
Another really important part ofour process is that I don't
actually want to be a big presence in the appointment.
That's an intimate experience for the family of saying
(12:48):
goodbye, and I don't want to alter that experience as much as
possible. I think all of our vets, we try
to observe but not have active participation as much as
possible. I will be watching the pet from
another room or from a little bit of a distance as much as
possible, although I do need to be monitoring the pet throughout
(13:10):
the process. But I want this to be an
intimate experience for the family that's just between the
family and the pet as much as possible.
And if I need to intervene medically, I will trying to
honor that as much as possible so that they in the end, they
don't really Remember Me, but instead they're remembering
(13:31):
saying goodbye and what they didwith the pet and that they gave
it treats and that they spoiled it and that they were hugging it
or maybe kids were drawing pictures.
That's what I want that experience to be for a family
instead of remembering pause into grace.
That I think is the ultimate success if we if we can achieve
that and then give giving them as much time as possible alone
(13:55):
afterwards as well. Also giving them control so that
they come to us and they tell uswhen they're ready for us to
take the pet afterwards. I think if you can give families
expectations or they know what to expect and then if you can
give them some control and you can give them intimacy, then you
can change this entire experience for them.
(14:18):
That's what we're trying to givefamilies.
That's exactly what I was I was looking for.
I love that because one of the hardest parts about saying
goodbye at a veterinary office is that you feel rushed and you
feel like you're taking up space.
You feel like you're in this little room and you're confined
and there's other people that are coming in and out.
(14:38):
And maybe your appointment wasn't planned and you're
already having anxiety because you have to let your pet go on
top of this. And it just feels so in so many
ways. And I think that being able to
have a service like yours where they're given the instruction,
the guidance, the space and the time, and they're given in the
(14:59):
very last moments to say goodbye, such a beautiful thing
that you can give to people. I really love what you're doing.
I think what the most traumatic about death, besides the fact
that you have to say goodbye, isthat you don't have any control.
So if we can give owners a little bit of the control back
(15:19):
and they can make the experienceon their own terms and they have
the privacy and the intimacy at that time, then we're really
changing death for families. You are, you are.
There's such a stigma around death, right?
It's such a negative feeling when it comes to death.
(15:40):
But like you said, it is actually a kindness, Courtney
said. That it's a kindness where
you're actually giving people some confidence in their choice,
making them feel OK about their choice.
The support that you're giving them behind that is, I think,
really important because making the decision is the hardest part
(16:01):
about the whole thing. And having somebody come in and
walk you through the process andthen validate that and say, you
know what? This is a kindness.
It's the right thing to do. You are making the decision that
is best for your pet and now youcan help them move on into the
next stage. And I think that changes the
experience completely because you don't have that strict
(16:24):
regimen rushed feeling. You said that you give them time
afterwards, which is also a beautiful thing because then you
give them time to say goodbye after they have passed.
And then I'm, I'm guessing that you remove the body then if they
decide to do go through cremation with you guys.
Yes. So unless they were doing a home
burial, then we would take theirpet for them.
(16:46):
A lot of times we'll have drivers if they're larger or the
veterinarian will we try to withthat experience as well using
blankets and we're tucking them in to help them with that part
because that can be really triggering as well.
It absolutely can. What is this a process
afterward? Is there a follow up?
(17:07):
How long does cremation take? I know that you guys provide
some really cool things other than just burns, so if you want
to talk a little bit about that,that would be great as well.
The follow up is also really intentional.
We feel that just as what's happening in the appointment is
really intimate and sacred work that needs to carry out through
the cremation as well. And death is such a taboo
(17:28):
discussion. People have so many questions
about what happens to my pet afterwards, how are they treated
and they're afraid to miss. That has been a really
interesting growth opportunity for me because until I worked
here, I had never even seen a dead animal outside of roadkill.
Honestly, the first couple crematories I went into were not
our own and it was a jarring experience for me.
(17:48):
It didn't bring me the feelings that I wanted to feel in, in A
and so I knew we had to do something different.
We had to have a space where, first of all, we're both mothers
and working moms. And so when we leased that
space, we both had four year olds and I needed it to be a
space where my 4 year old could run through the Crematory and
not be scarred and horrified. I'm very proud to say we've done
(18:10):
that. We, we have a facility that is
beautiful When you can set guidelines and expectations
about how every single pet should be treated.
This is someone's sacred family member and then hiring the staff
that believe in that as well. It's really amazing to watch.
Every animal that comes back to our facility is carried as if
the owner was there. There's a real value to the work
(18:32):
that is being done in there and respect to every single pet that
is in there. So when a pet comes into our
facility, they're immediately checked in and we start with
memorial items with a standard individual cremation, which
means the family wants ashes back.
They're getting a clay paw printand a fur clipping and then the
pet is put into our walk in unit.
(18:53):
So we we don't freeze pets before aquamation.
They are kept at a cooler temperature, but they're not
frozen. And then once we've confirmed
memorial items are taken, they do move into the aquamation
stage. So they get cremated.
Water cremation takes a little bit longer than fire cremation,
but they're typically in our water cremation machine for
about 18 hours. But same with fire cremation.
(19:17):
What you're left with at the endis the bone that is remaining.
Aquamation is exceedingly gentle.
So we get about 20% more bone back compared to fire cremation.
It's so gentle that even when you open the machine, I can see
a like full jaw, I can see a full spine still intact.
It it truly is a really gentle process.
The bones at that point are wet because it's water cremation, so
(19:40):
they're dried. And throughout this whole
process, from the memorial checkin to the cooler to the machine,
every single pet has multiple identifiers that we are checking
each step of the way so that we can say without a shadow of a
doubt, this was your. Once the bones have dried, they
get pulverized and what is knownin the industry as a cremulator,
(20:02):
and it basically takes all the bones and pulverizes them into
that ash that we're familiar with.
I think most people have seen firewood burn.
So we assume if we burn a body, we just have a pile of ash and
that is not what happens. Even in fire cremation, there
are bones in our body that fire does not breakdown.
And so they do have to go into amachine to be broken.
(20:22):
Down into that ash that we are more familiar with.
From there it's up to the family.
We have a standard amount of urns that we provide.
We also have a number of upgraded urns and we also have
all different sorts of artwork. We do a lot of in house artwork.
I have a necklace, it's our ocean tides with necklace that
looks like sand with water aboveit.
(20:43):
And the sand is actually all of my corgis ashes that went
through our acclamation process and then our office manager made
me a necklace of his ashes. And so we're really trying with
every step of the process. I think especially with the
cremation, we want to meet people where they want to be
met. If you don't want your dog's
ashes back and you prefer them spread at sea, there is no
judgment for that. Absolutely.
(21:04):
We will facilitate any level of memorial items, cremation that
we can legally do and make happen.
We've had people ask all sorts of questions over the years or
ask for custom items, things that are important to them.
The beauty of being a family owned business is we can do
that. If we, if we can make it happen,
then we will do anything to helpany client, any family on their
(21:27):
grief process. I think that's really cool.
I have looked at your website and all of the different kinds
of options and everything that you have and you really do have
a very unique variety of things.That was what originally drew me
to you guys because I thought this is so cool because you can
get your memorial jewelry and you don't ever have to worry
(21:48):
that it's not your pet because it's all done in one place and
it's all categorized. I think that's just really neat
that you've been able to streamline the process because
it is scary to send your pets body away and not know if they
put multiple dogs in at the sametime.
Are you actually getting just your dog?
(22:08):
And that's that's all things that are really very valid
concerns. Can we talk a little bit more
about the aquamation? Because that was the one thing
that I had never actually heard of until very recently.
And, and I don't know if that's something that I live in Iowa.
I don't even know if that's something that we offer here.
So just for my benefit and the listeners, would you talk a
(22:30):
little bit about how that works?You know, obviously there's some
kind of breakdown in water involved, but other than that, I
have no idea what that means. Yeah, absolutely.
It's my favorite icebreaker to ask people, do you know what
water cremation is? Because most people have no
idea. And.
And I hadn't heard about it until five years ago when Doctor
Benson and I started discussing how do we we bring cremation in
(22:52):
house and what does that look like?
Most states will not allow more fire incinerator permits, so
there's just a limited amount ofoptions.
Aquamation or water cremation are often used as the same term,
but water cremation essentially we take 95% water, we add 5%
alkali and that water is heated and then it's very gentle
(23:16):
mixing. There is a mixer in the machine.
Mixer is honestly a very strong word.
If I opened the machine while itwas going, it's not going to be
like a Whirlpool. It's honestly more of a
vibration. And so basically what that is
doing is causing the molecules to interact with each other and
speed up and breakdown anything organic in the machine.
So we have the pets in there. They are separated.
(23:37):
They're in stainless steel separation containers.
And the water and alkali go in and over 18 hours.
Everything organic breaks down. Everything not organic bones,
any surgical metals that are in your pets body.
We've found rocks that dogs haveeaten.
We've found costume jewelry, we've found clothing, anything
(23:59):
non organic is going to stay with your pet.
Anything organic, all of the muscle tissue, fur, hair,
everything else, it is gone in that process.
So just like fire cremation, everything organic burns away in
fire cremation. Everything organic in this gets
into that process and the bone is left.
So both processes you're ending up with essentially this bones
(24:23):
that are turned into ashes. The benefits of water cremation,
there's zero EPA emissions. We're not burning fossil fuels.
It is essentially like running adishwasher and it uses water and
it uses electricity. But even the amount of water,
one of the machines uses the same amount of water and one day
as a family of four. So it's we're not talking
(24:44):
thousands of gallons of water a day that it's that each machine
is using. The two machines we have, for
example, they can fit 550 lbs per machine.
When we're talking about using water, it may take a couple 100
gallons, but we may be able to help, you know, cremate 10 pets
in that time. It's a growing industry and
(25:06):
people are seeking out those environmental options.
It is legal in all 50 states, I believe.
I think there are water cremation machine for pets,
maybe 47 of those 50 states right now.
That's really cool because not only are you at the forefront of
caring and making goodbyes, something that is more
(25:26):
palatable, I guess is a good word to use, but you're also
using technology that is better for the environment on top of
it. So I think that's really cool
that you have found all of theseways to incorporate goodness
into something that is not so great, unfortunately.
Really. Very, very, very cool and very
interesting. Thank you for explaining that.
(25:47):
What is this strangest thing that you guys have found in the
containers? It's a good question.
I think probably the rock, because it was a big rock that
was very surprising. We've had some really good
costume jewelry. My favorite is also what people
ask us to cremate with their pets.
So the strangest and I think my favorite thing that everyone has
(26:08):
ever asked us to cremate was a banana.
Somebody had a dog that must have really loved bananas and
they rode on that banana and they asked us to cremate with
their pet. And it is organic, so we said
sure, why not? People grieve in different ways
and they have different requests.
And in our industry, there's no weird thing.
I may think if you've started inthe first couple months, you're
(26:29):
going to be a little bit taken back by questions.
There's no weird question. We're here to help and I don't
want people to feel embarrassed or ashamed that they shouldn't
even be thinking those things. If you can imagine it, people
are asking for it and we have heard it all.
I love that that's the whole point behind this podcast was to
create a space that was safe forpeople to talk about the stuff
(26:51):
that nobody wants to talk about.And this is one of those topics.
So I love that you cremated a banana, you know, with this dog.
I think that that's wonderful because like you said, everybody
grieves in different ways. And if that was something that
helped them process that, that'sbeautiful.
What a gift. I that's I don't, I'm going to
be thinking about that for days now, because that's very unique.
(27:15):
You know, when you're doing surgeries and you find all kinds
of crazy things in dogs stomachs.
I think the craziest thing that we ever pulled out, it was a
pair of pantyhose from a Shih Tzu and I was just like, how did
that even fit in there? I'm sure that you find an array
of things inside. I wouldn't have even thought of
that though. I think that is really cool that
(27:36):
you guys provide such an open space for people to talk about
these things because it is. It's hard to have questions like
that and feel like, am I weird for asking this or is is this
appropriate because it's your pet?
Of course it's appropriate. If this is what makes you feel
comfortable, then absolutely youshould be asking for those
accommodations for those specialrequests and if it can be done,
(28:00):
you guys can do it that. That's awesome.
I think that is just such a unique perspective at looking at
helping a pet transition. My favorite thing is when kids
send letters my. Gosh, thinking just broke my
heart a little bit right there. In your experience, Doctor
Benson, do you have a specific euthanasia that really stood out
(28:20):
to you? Was there like a really pivotal
moment with a client that reallystood out?
I had one not that long ago thatwas a dog and they used the
euthanasia appointment almost. It felt like a reunion.
They invited every single personthat was a part of this dog's
(28:42):
life. There were kids, there were
neighbors, there were pet sitters, there were friends,
there was an ex partner and theywere all gathered around.
Someone was playing guitar, theyhad the steak, they had all the
favorite food for the dog. And I just was blown away by the
beauty in that moment because itreally was a celebration of the
(29:04):
dog's life that really spoke to me.
And that's when I started thinking more about this death
as a beautiful death where instead of it being traumatic,
it's it's comfort. And I think that particular
appointment just with an epiphany for me.
What an incredible gift to be part of that experience.
(29:25):
Just hearing you talk about it is making me emotional, so I
can't even imagine having to be you and having to be the person
that is making everybody say goodbye.
I had to put myself in check multiple times throughout the
appointment where I was like, wait, I'm, I'm not part of that.
I have to do my job right now. I have to make sure that this
goes perfectly. I had to really remove myself
(29:48):
and remember what my job was. What?
A hard job you have. I really commend you for
tackling this part of the industry because it's easy to be
a veterinarian and to make people happy and to give their
dog their annual shots and perform the spay and neuters and
all that kind of stuff. But this specific part of our
pets lives is so difficult. It definitely takes a very
(30:12):
special person to want beautifulendings for people and their
dogs and to be there giving them.
So thank you for doing what you do because I don't think that
there are enough doctors out there that are willing to do
what you do and. We entered this because we
wanted to cure and we wanted to make all of our patients better,
but this is definitely another facet that's really important.
(30:35):
What is the future of Paws into Grace look like?
I'm hoping that we'll continue to change the death experience
for families so that we change the culture and it's so it's not
centered around trauma and it's not centered around regret.
Instead, families are able to find comfort that they released
(30:58):
a pet from suffering. Those moments were peaceful and
comfortable and filled with love, changing that experience,
and I think that's what we want to do at its core and bring that
to as many families as possible and change the veterinary
industry so that becomes more than normal.
I would love it if that was the standard.
(31:20):
I fully believe that there should be specialists in
everything. And I feel like that's kind of
what you are if you are the specialist in end of life
experience and you have found such a beautiful way to give
that to people and such a gentleway to give that to people where
they feel less guilt hopefully, and less shameful about it, less
(31:40):
burdened by it because it's sucha hard decision to make.
I would love to see there be more diversity in the veterinary
field as far as that kind of thing, but really see areas
where we focus in on specific things to make them easier for
people. Because death is hard, broken
bones are hard, nutrition is hard.
(32:01):
I think that if we had doctors that were more individualized on
those things, like we do for people, that treating our pets
and caring for them would be a lot more easy.
If we knew who we could turn to and ask questions and not feel
like the doors are closing or they're looking at us like we're
weird because we have different expectations than other.
(32:23):
People moving towards understanding that there's other
resources that are needed. There are now more social
workers in veterinary hospitals offering more grief support.
I think there has become an awakening that pet death is is
just as traumatic as a family member's death and that all the
(32:44):
same emotions are the grief process.
It's the same, so we need the same resource.
Yes, truly, I think that people who have pets and who are really
bonded with their pets, pets anddon't just have accessory pets
because there are people that just have accessory pets.
But the people that really invest in their dogs and their
cats and they're part of the family, They see it from such a
(33:05):
different perspective than the people who are out there that
are like, it's just a dog. I think that is the worst thing
that somebody can say in response to, oh, I lost my dog
this week or this is the one year anniversary or whatever and
he's like, this is just a dog. It was just a dog.
It blows, blows my mind how inconsiderate people are in that
(33:27):
aspect. So I love that you're tying in
those resources for people. I personally work with a pet
lawsuit counselor. She's been on the podcast a
couple of times, and I just think that it's such a wonderful
resource for people. Normalizing pet death and
normalizing the brief and vaultsof Pet Lost is super important
because like you said, it's justlike grieving a human person.
(33:50):
You go through the same stages, you go through the same steps,
and then on top of that, you have people that don't
understand it and it makes it even more complicated.
What you're doing for the community is such a valuable
thing. Are there any really big
challenges that you guys ever come across?
Is there anything that's been a really difficult decision that
you've had to go through becauseof the services that you
(34:14):
provide? Challenge I have is just
reminding myself that grief presents itself in different
ways. Sometimes it's projection or
sometimes it's criticism, and that can be directed at the
veterinarian or any of us. We just have to remember that
our intention is always to give the best experience and to offer
(34:40):
these families support and to give them a comforting
experience. But sometimes it is a little out
of our control, death sometimes depending on what's going on
with a pet, like the disease that they have, whether it's
heart failure or something. And there is only so much we can
control about what the body doesas as a pet is passing.
(35:01):
There are limitations. And I think that is challenging
to me sometime. And also understanding that it's
not about me and not to take that personally and give
families grace, and understanding that all of that
is part of grief, too. How?
How do you decompress after that?
(35:22):
I work out a lot, think my kids help me keep perspective too.
Well, and just trying to be kind, right, because like you
obviously they're going through something terrible and now
you've become a part of that. And like you said, they may take
some of that out on you. And so just trying to remember
that it's not actually you and just continuing to maintain your
(35:44):
calm and and continue to be kindand move forward is I'm sure
that's forward. Yeah, a lot of veterinarians, we
struggle with that in the industry because we all have
hearts on our sleeves and we want to make everyone better and
we want to make a difference. And just remembering that you
are making a difference in that value of your work and trying to
keep that perspective and tryingto remember that.
(36:07):
Well, you are. You are making a huge
difference. I wish that we had something
like what you're providing whereI live.
I'm almost tempted to just make my way out to California when it
becomes time for my little guy. I have two dogs and one of them
is 13 or 14 years old now. I'm like, right in that stage of
anticipatory loss. He's got some hard stuff going
(36:29):
on and he's just starting to have trouble getting around and
going through that is really, really difficult.
And trying to figure out what myoptions are is is hard because
we just don't have a lot of options unfortunately.
And I'm really would like to do an in home euthanasia and not go
through another one at the veterinary office again.
(36:50):
Because I, like you, have experienced hundreds, if not
thousands of deaths as a vet tech.
And it's not something that I want for myself.
It's not something that I want for other people.
So I hope that more veterinarians are inspired by
what you are doing and take steps to create environments
like what you're creating for people.
Yeah. And I think even in the
(37:11):
veterinary hospital because unfortunately not every time you
may not be able to have the goodbye at home.
So if it is in a veterinary office, what can we do
differently there to give a little bit of the same comfort?
Asking for a pain relaxation medication injection before the
(37:32):
last injection, even to have some tippy for families so that
they can be their own advocate for their for their pets.
So asking for that just helps a more gradual gentle transition
can help a dog or cat's anxiety for even being there.
It allows you more time to process.
Asking for quiet room, asking topay for services before the
(37:57):
euthanasia. So I think even if you have to
go to the vet office, here are some things and ways you can be
your own. Yeah, no, I think that that's
really, really important. And I think that that is
probably another area that we don't talk about.
You should advocate for yourselfand your pet's death, too.
That is not an abnormal thing tothink about or talk about.
(38:20):
And if you reach out to your vet's office and you're not
getting help, then you call positive to Grace and have them
walk you through it. Or you find a pet loss grief
counselor like Beth and you reach out and you ask these
questions so that you feel more confident and more comfortable
in these situations. We are just about out of time,
so I would like to know what youladies would like to leave the
(38:43):
listeners with today. I would like to leave our
listeners with the idea of continuing to ask the weird
things. Ask the things that you don't
feel comfortable or that you might feel is not appropriate to
be asking. Google is your friend.
There are a ton of resources outthere.
We've honestly spent the last three years with our marketing
(39:04):
budget writing articles and putting as much resources as we
can online. But there are home euthanasia
vets all over the country. And so if you're not in San
Diego and you have a pet that isstarting to get of age and you
have questions that you're not either finding the answers to
online or your vet isn't able tohelp, my encouragement would be
to call and ask those questions and have those hard
(39:25):
conversations. There's no shame in crying.
We have people cry on the phone to us every single day.
There's no shame in any weird question, any type of tail
preservation, paw preservation. Your dog's already been buried
and you want it cremated now. These are things that we deal
with every single day and we're not going to balk at that.
If you're not finding those answers by your local
(39:47):
practitioners, your local home euthanasia people, please give
us a call. We're happy to help guide
people. There's nothing to be
uncomfortable or ashamed about. This is what happens to all of
us. This is, this is everyone's
reality. Death and taxes, this is part of
that. That's unavoidable.
And not talking about it doesn'tmake it not happen.
So let's talk about it so that we know how to deal with it when
(40:08):
it comes, when our kids deal with it, We know how to do so in
a healthy space. That's not going to be
traumatic, but that really will be that beautiful goodbye that
we want. Absolutely love.
That that's his difficult, but Ithink we don't need to fear the
process. Know that you have control.
You know your dog or your cat has cancer or kidney failure or
(40:31):
something like that. Be thinking about what you want
that experience to be and it canbe a release of suffering.
People have have kids and they don't want them to be there
because it might be traumatic. It may be the first experience
with death. So let's create an experience
that is emotionally healthy and supportive and sets them up for
(40:55):
success. So for the for the rest of their
life, we can create comfort, security and we can change that
experience and for them. And it can be a time where the
family comes together and there's love.
And that's what I see in these appointments.
And it really restored my faith in humanity and families because
I saw them coming together with love and saw the best in people
(41:19):
at their worst time. Absolutely.
I think that you guys are on a path that is going to be life
altering for so many people and the future generations to come
because we are teaching lessons that are super important to
children who are younger and they're able to move on and move
forward into life with healthy experiences and death.
(41:41):
I just think that's so wonderfulthat you guys can create that.
Thank you. That's the goal.
Yeah, that's the hope, right? That is the hope.
All right, well, you guys, I know this was a rough episode.
Death is always a hard one to talk about.
But if you have questions, if you have concerns, if you want
to know more about aquamation oryou just want to ask the weird
questions, please get into contact with Doctor Benson or
(42:04):
Courtney from Cause and disgraceor reach out to me so I can put
you in contact with them myself.You guys have a great week.
I'll see you next time on straight up dog talk.
Straight Up Dog Talk was createdby Emily Breslin.
It is edited and produced under the supervision of Straight Up
Dog Talk LLC and Emily Breslin. If you're enjoying this podcast,
(42:24):
follow or subscribe and be sure you don't miss an episode and
leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform.
Looking for more honest and relatable dog content?
Check out our sister show, Unpacked with Jerry Sheriff and
Madison Simpson. Thanks for listening to Straight
Up Dog Talk. See you next week.
Welcome to Straight Up Dog Talk,the podcast where pet parents,
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From controversial training methods to sensitive health
topics, we're getting raw and real about what it means to care
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unfiltered conversations, expertinsights, and personal stories
(00:21):
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(00:43):
podcast platforms. Welcome straight up dog talk.
I'm Anne and we're back again this week, but we have two
amazing guests this week insteadof just one.
This week we have Doctor Benson and Courtney from Paws into
Grace. How are you ladies doing today?
We're great. Thanks for having us.
Yes, absolutely. This is one of the more
(01:05):
sensitive topics to talk about. We have had a couple of episodes
where we have talked about pet loss, We've had a pet loss
counselor on and we've had a couple of people come on and
talk about their pet losses. But we haven't actually had a
conversation about what it takesto go into a euthanasia, the
process after the euthanasia, all of the things.
(01:26):
So what I would like to do todayis talk about pause into grace
is how it came to be the services that you provide for
people and why you do what you do.
I will let you guys each introduce yourselves and then we
can kind of jump in. I'm Doctor Benson and I started
Pause into Grace maybe about 15 years ago and initially I was
(01:49):
working in emergency and the euthanasia, how we went about it
just seemed so wrong. And I actually dreaded those
appointments because the the dogor the cat, they were scared,
everything was unfamiliar, it was chaotic, the environment was
sterile. It just seemed like the wrong
goodbye for the animals. So that's how it started was
(02:14):
this idea that this is really anintimate experience and that's
how it should be is at home the dog or cat, they shouldn't be
stressed out. It shouldn't be with smells of
alcohol and cold tables and all of that should be under tree or
it should be by the fire. Family should have that intimate
moment to say goodbye. And that just seemed to be a
(02:37):
better experience for the patient and the families, but
was originally very patient centered.
And then what I didn't really think about or realize and what
inspired me so much was how was such a completely different
experience for families. And suddenly the dog, they would
come to greet me like I was a friend and there was no stress.
(02:59):
They weren't, and it was just a more gentle goodbye for the
families and it just changed completely how they were going
through death. I was a vet tech for about 10
years. I agree with you.
I completely understand how sterile and also how cold and
difficult it can be to be in a treatment room with someone.
(03:21):
I even worked for a Doctor Who did not allow us to cry.
If the patients were crying and we started to cry as the tech,
she would kick us out of the room.
Yeah, it was it was awful. We really had to learn to
control our emotions because somebody has to be in there with
the veterinarian. And it was really, really
difficult thing. The first day of my career as a
(03:43):
veterinary technician, we euthanized 3 animals and I was
like, I don't know if I can do this.
And it was definitely not something that I enjoyed.
And I wish that we had a servicelike yours in my local community
because I think that it's just areally, really beautiful thing
that you can provide for people.And then we have Courtney.
(04:03):
Why don't you tell us how you are involved?
Absolutely. I have known Doctor Benson for
almost 15 years now and we started working together in
2020. I have a background in
marketing, communications, public relations, definitely
nothing from the veterinary world.
And so I had come on just to help with some social media
(04:25):
marketing different things, and then very quickly realized like
what a beautiful opportunity this is to help families.
Doctor Benson really laid the foundation for having this
beautiful goodbye that I think everybody wants.
And as I started working, the area I saw where we really
needed growth was we were partnered with other crematories
(04:46):
at the time. Once the euthanasia took place,
we would partner with them for the cremation part.
And that's where I saw the opportunity pretty immediately
that if we want to offer families truly the level of
service that she's dreamed about, we've got to do the
cremation ourselves as well. We had not that many
conversations before we actuallywent and leased a building and
(05:09):
bought equipment and opened our own Crematory.
That has been really, really amazing.
First of all, just in providing jobs in our local community.
But also the primary goal from for us is we want every single
pet that comes into our company to be handled like they were our
own. And so when we have one of our
(05:31):
doctors going to the appointmentand then they're coming back to
a Crematory that's full of our employees that we've trained on
how to respect, it really is sacred work.
And we're able to make sure thatthat is carried out throughout
the entire process. I really like the language that
you guys are using. You can tell how much intent and
how much care and how much love is put into this because it is
(05:54):
such a hard experience. It is such a hard decision to
make, so having those gentle steps to lead people up to this
is really, really important. Where are you guys located?
We're in San Diego as far as ourcremation office, but as far as
the home euthanasia and the services that we offer, we're
(06:15):
from Orange County all the way down to the border of Southern
California near Mexico. We have a lot of listeners in
that area, so that's really, really good to know.
It's also really good to be ableto point people in the direction
of a service always, especially something like this.
Why don't you talk a little bit about the process?
How does this work? When someone calls you, what are
(06:37):
the steps that you walk them through to get them to their
beautiful goodbye? We have a team of remote
reception that are available seven days a week.
There are employees, most of them are San Diego based.
So we have had a couple that have migrated across the country
with this remote role. But you're speaking with someone
who is truly an expert in clientcare and has talked with
(07:02):
hundreds if not thousands of people in every single stage of
this loss. We have people that call that
maybe they've just gotten a diagnosis and their pet is going
to be going through treatment and they want to know how what
to expect. Or sometimes we have people that
today is the day. So we have a team of client care
specialists that are honestly the most empathetic people you
(07:23):
will ever meet because they are speaking all day every day with
people that are going through this tremendous, tremendous law.
A lot of what happens on the phone is discussing what's going
on with their pet. We do terminal euthanasias.
We don't do convenience euthanasias.
So having that conversation and making sure that this truly is
the time and then giving them expectations for what the
(07:45):
appointment looks like. We don't want people to be
surprised in the appointment. It's really important for them
to know that there's going to bea sedation injection.
It's like you and I getting a flu shot.
There is a quick poke with that and the veterinarians are
wonderful about walking through that in the appointment.
But we do have a lot of conversations about what the
appointment looks like. And I think the biggest
(08:06):
conversations we have are, is ittime?
How do I know it's time? And having a lot of those
quality of life discussions thatthat happen on the phone, a lot
of people just because their vethas said it's time, may not
emotionally be ready for that. A lot of times our team is
having those in depth discussions to say, if you think
about 10 things your dog love todo in their prime, how many can
(08:27):
they do now? If you think about quality of
days for your cat, well how manygood days versus bad days?
Our team definitely tries to take the time to talk through
those things because when we have a doctor come to your home,
we want you to be confident and that this is the kind thing to
do. No one's ever ready to do it.
It never feels good, but it is akindness.
So it's important for our clients to be at that point that
(08:49):
by the time the doctor gets there and I think that the
reception team takes a lot of time to make sure that our
clients are confident in what's going to happen to the
appointment and and yes, this isthe right time.
After you walk them through all of that and they get to the
point then where they're like, OK, this is a kindness, this is
the right decision. I think that maybe if we could
do it in three days, then what happens from there?
(09:12):
We'll schedule out the appointment.
There's a number of details thatwe would need to book that, but
from there, once the appointmentis booked, the doctor will get a
confirmation and the doctor willcome on that day.
We typically see people booking,I would say within a week, but
we often have same day. Sometimes even those week
appointments that day comes and they're not ready.
(09:34):
Or inexplicably the dog that's been immobile is now running
around the house happily. And sometimes we have a delay
and that's OK. We really try to follow what our
pets are telling us and what ourhumans.
So we follow that guideline as best we can with, you know, what
the situation presents us. Is there a time frame or do you
feel the situation out as it goes?
(09:56):
Once the doctor is there and thefinal decision has been made,
what does that usually look like?
That's probably more for you, Doctor Vincent.
So you're asking what is the appointment like?
Yeah, once they've made the final decision and they're
starting to say their goodbyes and they've picked the location,
they want to do it on the back deck because that's where the
dog likes to sun every day. And yeah, they're everybody's
(10:18):
out there and you're going to gothrough the process.
And I know personally what a euthanasia is like because I've
experienced many of them. But I'm sure you you walk them
through again. But what does it look like time
wise? Because I know people get edgy
and they get iffy and then things stall out a little bit
and you give that injection where we're now sedated, but
(10:39):
we're not quite ready for that final injection.
What does that look like in thatmoment?
I think it's it really is individualized.
I never really know how exactly an appointment is gonna go
because I really have to see thedynamics of the family.
I have to see how stable the dogis, depends on what the
(11:01):
underlying disease process is. It depends on the dog or cat's
personality. There are just so many factors.
So I can't really plan out an appointment.
I have a general process where when I'm there, I like to meet
the pet first because I want to make sure that the pet feels
(11:22):
comfortable with me. Or if they have anxiety with
people they don't know, then I wouldn't necessarily do that
part. But that's probably one of the
most important steps I think, isjust making sure that the pet
does feel comfortable with me and I'm not adding stress.
Then another important componentis going to be communication
(11:44):
with the family so that they understand what's going to
happen and they don't have surprises.
But we're going to do a little, little bit of paperwork here.
But then I'm going to give this injection that helps them fall
asleep 1st and that's generally about 5 to 10 minutes before
they fall asleep with that medication.
(12:05):
If there's underlying disease like heart disease or lung
disease or something like that, that can change what happens
during the appointment. There may be faster breathing
and how I'm going to handle that, how I'm going to respond.
So trying to coach them through because if you know what to
expect, then a lot of that stress is removed from the
(12:27):
appointment. We want everything to be as calm
as possible. So that's part of it.
And then once they're asleep, they have time.
Another really important part ofour process is that I don't
actually want to be a big presence in the appointment.
That's an intimate experience for the family of saying
(12:48):
goodbye, and I don't want to alter that experience as much as
possible. I think all of our vets, we try
to observe but not have active participation as much as
possible. I will be watching the pet from
another room or from a little bit of a distance as much as
possible, although I do need to be monitoring the pet throughout
(13:10):
the process. But I want this to be an
intimate experience for the family that's just between the
family and the pet as much as possible.
And if I need to intervene medically, I will trying to
honor that as much as possible so that they in the end, they
don't really Remember Me, but instead they're remembering
(13:31):
saying goodbye and what they didwith the pet and that they gave
it treats and that they spoiled it and that they were hugging it
or maybe kids were drawing pictures.
That's what I want that experience to be for a family
instead of remembering pause into grace.
That I think is the ultimate success if we if we can achieve
that and then give giving them as much time as possible alone
(13:55):
afterwards as well. Also giving them control so that
they come to us and they tell uswhen they're ready for us to
take the pet afterwards. I think if you can give families
expectations or they know what to expect and then if you can
give them some control and you can give them intimacy, then you
can change this entire experience for them.
(14:18):
That's what we're trying to givefamilies.
That's exactly what I was I was looking for.
I love that because one of the hardest parts about saying
goodbye at a veterinary office is that you feel rushed and you
feel like you're taking up space.
You feel like you're in this little room and you're confined
and there's other people that are coming in and out.
(14:38):
And maybe your appointment wasn't planned and you're
already having anxiety because you have to let your pet go on
top of this. And it just feels so in so many
ways. And I think that being able to
have a service like yours where they're given the instruction,
the guidance, the space and the time, and they're given in the
(14:59):
very last moments to say goodbye, such a beautiful thing
that you can give to people. I really love what you're doing.
I think what the most traumatic about death, besides the fact
that you have to say goodbye, isthat you don't have any control.
So if we can give owners a little bit of the control back
(15:19):
and they can make the experienceon their own terms and they have
the privacy and the intimacy at that time, then we're really
changing death for families. You are, you are.
There's such a stigma around death, right?
It's such a negative feeling when it comes to death.
(15:40):
But like you said, it is actually a kindness, Courtney
said. That it's a kindness where
you're actually giving people some confidence in their choice,
making them feel OK about their choice.
The support that you're giving them behind that is, I think,
really important because making the decision is the hardest part
(16:01):
about the whole thing. And having somebody come in and
walk you through the process andthen validate that and say, you
know what? This is a kindness.
It's the right thing to do. You are making the decision that
is best for your pet and now youcan help them move on into the
next stage. And I think that changes the
experience completely because you don't have that strict
(16:24):
regimen rushed feeling. You said that you give them time
afterwards, which is also a beautiful thing because then you
give them time to say goodbye after they have passed.
And then I'm, I'm guessing that you remove the body then if they
decide to do go through cremation with you guys.
Yes. So unless they were doing a home
burial, then we would take theirpet for them.
(16:46):
A lot of times we'll have drivers if they're larger or the
veterinarian will we try to withthat experience as well using
blankets and we're tucking them in to help them with that part
because that can be really triggering as well.
It absolutely can. What is this a process
afterward? Is there a follow up?
(17:07):
How long does cremation take? I know that you guys provide
some really cool things other than just burns, so if you want
to talk a little bit about that,that would be great as well.
The follow up is also really intentional.
We feel that just as what's happening in the appointment is
really intimate and sacred work that needs to carry out through
the cremation as well. And death is such a taboo
(17:28):
discussion. People have so many questions
about what happens to my pet afterwards, how are they treated
and they're afraid to miss. That has been a really
interesting growth opportunity for me because until I worked
here, I had never even seen a dead animal outside of roadkill.
Honestly, the first couple crematories I went into were not
our own and it was a jarring experience for me.
(17:48):
It didn't bring me the feelings that I wanted to feel in, in A
and so I knew we had to do something different.
We had to have a space where, first of all, we're both mothers
and working moms. And so when we leased that
space, we both had four year olds and I needed it to be a
space where my 4 year old could run through the Crematory and
not be scarred and horrified. I'm very proud to say we've done
(18:10):
that. We, we have a facility that is
beautiful When you can set guidelines and expectations
about how every single pet should be treated.
This is someone's sacred family member and then hiring the staff
that believe in that as well. It's really amazing to watch.
Every animal that comes back to our facility is carried as if
the owner was there. There's a real value to the work
(18:32):
that is being done in there and respect to every single pet that
is in there. So when a pet comes into our
facility, they're immediately checked in and we start with
memorial items with a standard individual cremation, which
means the family wants ashes back.
They're getting a clay paw printand a fur clipping and then the
pet is put into our walk in unit.
(18:53):
So we we don't freeze pets before aquamation.
They are kept at a cooler temperature, but they're not
frozen. And then once we've confirmed
memorial items are taken, they do move into the aquamation
stage. So they get cremated.
Water cremation takes a little bit longer than fire cremation,
but they're typically in our water cremation machine for
about 18 hours. But same with fire cremation.
(19:17):
What you're left with at the endis the bone that is remaining.
Aquamation is exceedingly gentle.
So we get about 20% more bone back compared to fire cremation.
It's so gentle that even when you open the machine, I can see
a like full jaw, I can see a full spine still intact.
It it truly is a really gentle process.
The bones at that point are wet because it's water cremation, so
(19:40):
they're dried. And throughout this whole
process, from the memorial checkin to the cooler to the machine,
every single pet has multiple identifiers that we are checking
each step of the way so that we can say without a shadow of a
doubt, this was your. Once the bones have dried, they
get pulverized and what is knownin the industry as a cremulator,
(20:02):
and it basically takes all the bones and pulverizes them into
that ash that we're familiar with.
I think most people have seen firewood burn.
So we assume if we burn a body, we just have a pile of ash and
that is not what happens. Even in fire cremation, there
are bones in our body that fire does not breakdown.
And so they do have to go into amachine to be broken.
(20:22):
Down into that ash that we are more familiar with.
From there it's up to the family.
We have a standard amount of urns that we provide.
We also have a number of upgraded urns and we also have
all different sorts of artwork. We do a lot of in house artwork.
I have a necklace, it's our ocean tides with necklace that
looks like sand with water aboveit.
(20:43):
And the sand is actually all of my corgis ashes that went
through our acclamation process and then our office manager made
me a necklace of his ashes. And so we're really trying with
every step of the process. I think especially with the
cremation, we want to meet people where they want to be
met. If you don't want your dog's
ashes back and you prefer them spread at sea, there is no
judgment for that. Absolutely.
(21:04):
We will facilitate any level of memorial items, cremation that
we can legally do and make happen.
We've had people ask all sorts of questions over the years or
ask for custom items, things that are important to them.
The beauty of being a family owned business is we can do
that. If we, if we can make it happen,
then we will do anything to helpany client, any family on their
(21:27):
grief process. I think that's really cool.
I have looked at your website and all of the different kinds
of options and everything that you have and you really do have
a very unique variety of things.That was what originally drew me
to you guys because I thought this is so cool because you can
get your memorial jewelry and you don't ever have to worry
(21:48):
that it's not your pet because it's all done in one place and
it's all categorized. I think that's just really neat
that you've been able to streamline the process because
it is scary to send your pets body away and not know if they
put multiple dogs in at the sametime.
Are you actually getting just your dog?
(22:08):
And that's that's all things that are really very valid
concerns. Can we talk a little bit more
about the aquamation? Because that was the one thing
that I had never actually heard of until very recently.
And, and I don't know if that's something that I live in Iowa.
I don't even know if that's something that we offer here.
So just for my benefit and the listeners, would you talk a
(22:30):
little bit about how that works?You know, obviously there's some
kind of breakdown in water involved, but other than that, I
have no idea what that means. Yeah, absolutely.
It's my favorite icebreaker to ask people, do you know what
water cremation is? Because most people have no
idea. And.
And I hadn't heard about it until five years ago when Doctor
Benson and I started discussing how do we we bring cremation in
(22:52):
house and what does that look like?
Most states will not allow more fire incinerator permits, so
there's just a limited amount ofoptions.
Aquamation or water cremation are often used as the same term,
but water cremation essentially we take 95% water, we add 5%
alkali and that water is heated and then it's very gentle
(23:16):
mixing. There is a mixer in the machine.
Mixer is honestly a very strong word.
If I opened the machine while itwas going, it's not going to be
like a Whirlpool. It's honestly more of a
vibration. And so basically what that is
doing is causing the molecules to interact with each other and
speed up and breakdown anything organic in the machine.
So we have the pets in there. They are separated.
(23:37):
They're in stainless steel separation containers.
And the water and alkali go in and over 18 hours.
Everything organic breaks down. Everything not organic bones,
any surgical metals that are in your pets body.
We've found rocks that dogs haveeaten.
We've found costume jewelry, we've found clothing, anything
(23:59):
non organic is going to stay with your pet.
Anything organic, all of the muscle tissue, fur, hair,
everything else, it is gone in that process.
So just like fire cremation, everything organic burns away in
fire cremation. Everything organic in this gets
into that process and the bone is left.
So both processes you're ending up with essentially this bones
(24:23):
that are turned into ashes. The benefits of water cremation,
there's zero EPA emissions. We're not burning fossil fuels.
It is essentially like running adishwasher and it uses water and
it uses electricity. But even the amount of water,
one of the machines uses the same amount of water and one day
as a family of four. So it's we're not talking
(24:44):
thousands of gallons of water a day that it's that each machine
is using. The two machines we have, for
example, they can fit 550 lbs per machine.
When we're talking about using water, it may take a couple 100
gallons, but we may be able to help, you know, cremate 10 pets
in that time. It's a growing industry and
(25:06):
people are seeking out those environmental options.
It is legal in all 50 states, I believe.
I think there are water cremation machine for pets,
maybe 47 of those 50 states right now.
That's really cool because not only are you at the forefront of
caring and making goodbyes, something that is more
(25:26):
palatable, I guess is a good word to use, but you're also
using technology that is better for the environment on top of
it. So I think that's really cool
that you have found all of theseways to incorporate goodness
into something that is not so great, unfortunately.
Really. Very, very, very cool and very
interesting. Thank you for explaining that.
(25:47):
What is this strangest thing that you guys have found in the
containers? It's a good question.
I think probably the rock, because it was a big rock that
was very surprising. We've had some really good
costume jewelry. My favorite is also what people
ask us to cremate with their pets.
So the strangest and I think my favorite thing that everyone has
(26:08):
ever asked us to cremate was a banana.
Somebody had a dog that must have really loved bananas and
they rode on that banana and they asked us to cremate with
their pet. And it is organic, so we said
sure, why not? People grieve in different ways
and they have different requests.
And in our industry, there's no weird thing.
I may think if you've started inthe first couple months, you're
(26:29):
going to be a little bit taken back by questions.
There's no weird question. We're here to help and I don't
want people to feel embarrassed or ashamed that they shouldn't
even be thinking those things. If you can imagine it, people
are asking for it and we have heard it all.
I love that that's the whole point behind this podcast was to
create a space that was safe forpeople to talk about the stuff
(26:51):
that nobody wants to talk about.And this is one of those topics.
So I love that you cremated a banana, you know, with this dog.
I think that that's wonderful because like you said, everybody
grieves in different ways. And if that was something that
helped them process that, that'sbeautiful.
What a gift. I that's I don't, I'm going to
be thinking about that for days now, because that's very unique.
(27:15):
You know, when you're doing surgeries and you find all kinds
of crazy things in dogs stomachs.
I think the craziest thing that we ever pulled out, it was a
pair of pantyhose from a Shih Tzu and I was just like, how did
that even fit in there? I'm sure that you find an array
of things inside. I wouldn't have even thought of
that though. I think that is really cool that
(27:36):
you guys provide such an open space for people to talk about
these things because it is. It's hard to have questions like
that and feel like, am I weird for asking this or is is this
appropriate because it's your pet?
Of course it's appropriate. If this is what makes you feel
comfortable, then absolutely youshould be asking for those
accommodations for those specialrequests and if it can be done,
(28:00):
you guys can do it that. That's awesome.
I think that is just such a unique perspective at looking at
helping a pet transition. My favorite thing is when kids
send letters my. Gosh, thinking just broke my
heart a little bit right there. In your experience, Doctor
Benson, do you have a specific euthanasia that really stood out
(28:20):
to you? Was there like a really pivotal
moment with a client that reallystood out?
I had one not that long ago thatwas a dog and they used the
euthanasia appointment almost. It felt like a reunion.
They invited every single personthat was a part of this dog's
(28:42):
life. There were kids, there were
neighbors, there were pet sitters, there were friends,
there was an ex partner and theywere all gathered around.
Someone was playing guitar, theyhad the steak, they had all the
favorite food for the dog. And I just was blown away by the
beauty in that moment because itreally was a celebration of the
(29:04):
dog's life that really spoke to me.
And that's when I started thinking more about this death
as a beautiful death where instead of it being traumatic,
it's it's comfort. And I think that particular
appointment just with an epiphany for me.
What an incredible gift to be part of that experience.
(29:25):
Just hearing you talk about it is making me emotional, so I
can't even imagine having to be you and having to be the person
that is making everybody say goodbye.
I had to put myself in check multiple times throughout the
appointment where I was like, wait, I'm, I'm not part of that.
I have to do my job right now. I have to make sure that this
goes perfectly. I had to really remove myself
(29:48):
and remember what my job was. What?
A hard job you have. I really commend you for
tackling this part of the industry because it's easy to be
a veterinarian and to make people happy and to give their
dog their annual shots and perform the spay and neuters and
all that kind of stuff. But this specific part of our
pets lives is so difficult. It definitely takes a very
(30:12):
special person to want beautifulendings for people and their
dogs and to be there giving them.
So thank you for doing what you do because I don't think that
there are enough doctors out there that are willing to do
what you do and. We entered this because we
wanted to cure and we wanted to make all of our patients better,
but this is definitely another facet that's really important.
(30:35):
What is the future of Paws into Grace look like?
I'm hoping that we'll continue to change the death experience
for families so that we change the culture and it's so it's not
centered around trauma and it's not centered around regret.
Instead, families are able to find comfort that they released
(30:58):
a pet from suffering. Those moments were peaceful and
comfortable and filled with love, changing that experience,
and I think that's what we want to do at its core and bring that
to as many families as possible and change the veterinary
industry so that becomes more than normal.
I would love it if that was the standard.
(31:20):
I fully believe that there should be specialists in
everything. And I feel like that's kind of
what you are if you are the specialist in end of life
experience and you have found such a beautiful way to give
that to people and such a gentleway to give that to people where
they feel less guilt hopefully, and less shameful about it, less
(31:40):
burdened by it because it's sucha hard decision to make.
I would love to see there be more diversity in the veterinary
field as far as that kind of thing, but really see areas
where we focus in on specific things to make them easier for
people. Because death is hard, broken
bones are hard, nutrition is hard.
(32:01):
I think that if we had doctors that were more individualized on
those things, like we do for people, that treating our pets
and caring for them would be a lot more easy.
If we knew who we could turn to and ask questions and not feel
like the doors are closing or they're looking at us like we're
weird because we have different expectations than other.
(32:23):
People moving towards understanding that there's other
resources that are needed. There are now more social
workers in veterinary hospitals offering more grief support.
I think there has become an awakening that pet death is is
just as traumatic as a family member's death and that all the
(32:44):
same emotions are the grief process.
It's the same, so we need the same resource.
Yes, truly, I think that people who have pets and who are really
bonded with their pets, pets anddon't just have accessory pets
because there are people that just have accessory pets.
But the people that really invest in their dogs and their
cats and they're part of the family, They see it from such a
(33:05):
different perspective than the people who are out there that
are like, it's just a dog. I think that is the worst thing
that somebody can say in response to, oh, I lost my dog
this week or this is the one year anniversary or whatever and
he's like, this is just a dog. It was just a dog.
It blows, blows my mind how inconsiderate people are in that
(33:27):
aspect. So I love that you're tying in
those resources for people. I personally work with a pet
lawsuit counselor. She's been on the podcast a
couple of times, and I just think that it's such a wonderful
resource for people. Normalizing pet death and
normalizing the brief and vaultsof Pet Lost is super important
because like you said, it's justlike grieving a human person.
(33:50):
You go through the same stages, you go through the same steps,
and then on top of that, you have people that don't
understand it and it makes it even more complicated.
What you're doing for the community is such a valuable
thing. Are there any really big
challenges that you guys ever come across?
Is there anything that's been a really difficult decision that
you've had to go through becauseof the services that you
(34:14):
provide? Challenge I have is just
reminding myself that grief presents itself in different
ways. Sometimes it's projection or
sometimes it's criticism, and that can be directed at the
veterinarian or any of us. We just have to remember that
our intention is always to give the best experience and to offer
(34:40):
these families support and to give them a comforting
experience. But sometimes it is a little out
of our control, death sometimes depending on what's going on
with a pet, like the disease that they have, whether it's
heart failure or something. And there is only so much we can
control about what the body doesas as a pet is passing.
(35:01):
There are limitations. And I think that is challenging
to me sometime. And also understanding that it's
not about me and not to take that personally and give
families grace, and understanding that all of that
is part of grief, too. How?
How do you decompress after that?
(35:22):
I work out a lot, think my kids help me keep perspective too.
Well, and just trying to be kind, right, because like you
obviously they're going through something terrible and now
you've become a part of that. And like you said, they may take
some of that out on you. And so just trying to remember
that it's not actually you and just continuing to maintain your
(35:44):
calm and and continue to be kindand move forward is I'm sure
that's forward. Yeah, a lot of veterinarians, we
struggle with that in the industry because we all have
hearts on our sleeves and we want to make everyone better and
we want to make a difference. And just remembering that you
are making a difference in that value of your work and trying to
keep that perspective and tryingto remember that.
(36:07):
Well, you are. You are making a huge
difference. I wish that we had something
like what you're providing whereI live.
I'm almost tempted to just make my way out to California when it
becomes time for my little guy. I have two dogs and one of them
is 13 or 14 years old now. I'm like, right in that stage of
anticipatory loss. He's got some hard stuff going
(36:29):
on and he's just starting to have trouble getting around and
going through that is really, really difficult.
And trying to figure out what myoptions are is is hard because
we just don't have a lot of options unfortunately.
And I'm really would like to do an in home euthanasia and not go
through another one at the veterinary office again.
(36:50):
Because I, like you, have experienced hundreds, if not
thousands of deaths as a vet tech.
And it's not something that I want for myself.
It's not something that I want for other people.
So I hope that more veterinarians are inspired by
what you are doing and take steps to create environments
like what you're creating for people.
Yeah. And I think even in the
(37:11):
veterinary hospital because unfortunately not every time you
may not be able to have the goodbye at home.
So if it is in a veterinary office, what can we do
differently there to give a little bit of the same comfort?
Asking for a pain relaxation medication injection before the
(37:32):
last injection, even to have some tippy for families so that
they can be their own advocate for their for their pets.
So asking for that just helps a more gradual gentle transition
can help a dog or cat's anxiety for even being there.
It allows you more time to process.
Asking for quiet room, asking topay for services before the
(37:57):
euthanasia. So I think even if you have to
go to the vet office, here are some things and ways you can be
your own. Yeah, no, I think that that's
really, really important. And I think that that is
probably another area that we don't talk about.
You should advocate for yourselfand your pet's death, too.
That is not an abnormal thing tothink about or talk about.
(38:20):
And if you reach out to your vet's office and you're not
getting help, then you call positive to Grace and have them
walk you through it. Or you find a pet loss grief
counselor like Beth and you reach out and you ask these
questions so that you feel more confident and more comfortable
in these situations. We are just about out of time,
so I would like to know what youladies would like to leave the
(38:43):
listeners with today. I would like to leave our
listeners with the idea of continuing to ask the weird
things. Ask the things that you don't
feel comfortable or that you might feel is not appropriate to
be asking. Google is your friend.
There are a ton of resources outthere.
We've honestly spent the last three years with our marketing
(39:04):
budget writing articles and putting as much resources as we
can online. But there are home euthanasia
vets all over the country. And so if you're not in San
Diego and you have a pet that isstarting to get of age and you
have questions that you're not either finding the answers to
online or your vet isn't able tohelp, my encouragement would be
to call and ask those questions and have those hard
(39:25):
conversations. There's no shame in crying.
We have people cry on the phone to us every single day.
There's no shame in any weird question, any type of tail
preservation, paw preservation. Your dog's already been buried
and you want it cremated now. These are things that we deal
with every single day and we're not going to balk at that.
If you're not finding those answers by your local
(39:47):
practitioners, your local home euthanasia people, please give
us a call. We're happy to help guide
people. There's nothing to be
uncomfortable or ashamed about. This is what happens to all of
us. This is, this is everyone's
reality. Death and taxes, this is part of
that. That's unavoidable.
And not talking about it doesn'tmake it not happen.
So let's talk about it so that we know how to deal with it when
(40:08):
it comes, when our kids deal with it, We know how to do so in
a healthy space. That's not going to be
traumatic, but that really will be that beautiful goodbye that
we want. Absolutely love.
That that's his difficult, but Ithink we don't need to fear the
process. Know that you have control.
You know your dog or your cat has cancer or kidney failure or
(40:31):
something like that. Be thinking about what you want
that experience to be and it canbe a release of suffering.
People have have kids and they don't want them to be there
because it might be traumatic. It may be the first experience
with death. So let's create an experience
that is emotionally healthy and supportive and sets them up for
(40:55):
success. So for the for the rest of their
life, we can create comfort, security and we can change that
experience and for them. And it can be a time where the
family comes together and there's love.
And that's what I see in these appointments.
And it really restored my faith in humanity and families because
I saw them coming together with love and saw the best in people
(41:19):
at their worst time. Absolutely.
I think that you guys are on a path that is going to be life
altering for so many people and the future generations to come
because we are teaching lessons that are super important to
children who are younger and they're able to move on and move
forward into life with healthy experiences and death.
(41:41):
I just think that's so wonderfulthat you guys can create that.
Thank you. That's the goal.
Yeah, that's the hope, right? That is the hope.
All right, well, you guys, I know this was a rough episode.
Death is always a hard one to talk about.
But if you have questions, if you have concerns, if you want
to know more about aquamation oryou just want to ask the weird
questions, please get into contact with Doctor Benson or
(42:04):
Courtney from Cause and disgraceor reach out to me so I can put
you in contact with them myself.You guys have a great week.
I'll see you next time on straight up dog talk.
Straight Up Dog Talk was createdby Emily Breslin.
It is edited and produced under the supervision of Straight Up
Dog Talk LLC and Emily Breslin. If you're enjoying this podcast,
(42:24):
follow or subscribe and be sure you don't miss an episode and
leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform.
Looking for more honest and relatable dog content?
Check out our sister show, Unpacked with Jerry Sheriff and
Madison Simpson. Thanks for listening to Straight
Up Dog Talk. See you next week.
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