The Hardest Part of Loving a Dog (And Why It’s Okay to Talk About It)

In this pet loss podcast episode, Em shares the raw reality of anticipatory grief, aging dogs, and the sacred act of slowing down before goodbye.

What do you do when your dog is still here—but you’ve already started grieving?

In this raw and emotional solo episode, Em opens up about the quiet heartbreak of loving an aging dog. From midnight walks to medication changes and the slow shifts of daily life, she shares what it really feels like to live with anticipatory grief—before the goodbye comes.

💡 You’ll hear:
• What anticipatory loss feels like as a devoted pet parent• How Toby’s heart murmur and age changed everything• The neuroscience behind grief, memory, and emotional processing• Why slowing down with your dog is a sacred act of love

Whether you’re going through it now or fearing the day it comes—this is your reminder: grief is love with nowhere to go. And you’re not alone.

🎙️ Solo episodes drop every other Monday🎧 Guest video episodes launch July 23

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
There is a kind of grief that begins while they're still here.
And if you've ever loved an aging dog, you know exactly what
I'm talking about. Welcome to straight up dog talk.

(00:21):
Today's full episode is a littlebit different.
It's going to be a little bit more of a raw, tough topic,
something that is hitting very close to home for me personally.
Right now I want to talk about anticipatory grief, The kind of
quiet, creeping grief that starts long before the actual

(00:44):
heartbreak. It's the kind of grief that
seeps into everyday moments and catches you completely off
guard. It's the kind of grief that pet
parents don't talk about, but somany of us carry along with us
every single day. I've kind of always thought Toby

(01:04):
was immortal. Not in the literal sense,
obviously, but in the way that you just know they're old and
wise. Like, he's done this before and
he knows exactly how it's going to end.
About 3 years ago, Toby was diagnosed with a grade 3 heart
murmur. About a year and a half ago, it

(01:27):
upgraded to a grade 4. Within the last six months, he's
developed a cough because the fluid around his heart makes it
harder for him to move after he's been laying down for a
while. And I've noticed that little
things are changing. He gets up in the middle of the
night, and he goes somewhere else to sleep where he won't be

(01:48):
jostled. He avoids being overheated or
being startled awake by his younger brother, who is ready to
play ball at 3:00 AM. He's slower to go outside, and
he lingers longer on the concrete, soaking up the sun.
He asks for snuggles more often.He is in my lap a lot more.

(02:13):
He finds quiet moments to lingerwith me when his brother isn't
stealing the show, and he finds little ways to make contact
without making it a big deal, like a back paw to my leg while
he's sleeping. I know what all of these things
mean. It means that these moments with

(02:38):
Toby, these quiet, simple, everyday moments with him are
becoming sacred, and it breaks my heart every time I have to
think about my lap without him in it.
But I want to talk about this before I lose him because

(03:00):
there's something that I want you to know, especially if
you're also loving a dog that's aging.
Something that I've learned recently that makes so much
sense is the reason that this type of grief hits so hard is
because it isn't just emotional,it's neurological.

(03:24):
When we share our lives with ourdog, our brain actually builds
neural pathways around them and their presence in our lives,
routines, rituals, even our feelings of safety, all of that
becomes wired around them. So when things start to shift,

(03:46):
like when they're aging or moving slower or even coughing
more, your brain actually struggles to adjust.
It is quite literally trying to rewire itself without the pieces
that it's used to having. That's why you do things out of

(04:06):
habit, like reach for the leash on a rest day, or pause when you
open the door to wait for them, or feel that ache in your heart
and soul by just looking at thembecause you know that things are
changing. This is called neuroplasticity,
and it means the brain's abilityto adapt.

(04:30):
But like training, this doesn't happen overnight.
It takes time and repetition andso much self compassion.
You're not overreacting, you're literally being rewired and your
heart it's just trying to catch up.
So if you're living in that in between space where they're

(04:54):
still here but not quite the same, I see you and you're not
alone. This show isn't just about
training and nutrition or the latest enrichment toy.
It's about all of the pieces of life with dogs, even the really

(05:15):
hard ones. And this is one of the really
hard ones, because they don't stay forever, and pretending
they do only makes the grief more isolating when it finally
shows up. I don't have the perfect ending
for this episode, probably because there isn't one, but I

(05:37):
hope that by sharing this, you feel a little bit less alone in
whatever quiet heartbreak you are carrying today.
Thanks for being here, thanks for loving your dogs the way
that you do, and thank you for loving me and mine as well.
I'll see you next week on Straight Up Dog Talk.