August 13, 2025 • 39 mins
In this reactive dog podcast episode, Em and client Cobia share Majic’s journey—how reactivity reshaped confidence, connection, and what dogs really need.
🐾 What happens when your dog’s reactivity forces you to rethink everything you thought you knew about being a “good” pet parent?
In this raw and relatable episode, Em sits down with her client Cobia to talk about Majic—a big-feeling, reactive dog who’s completely transformed her life. From breakdowns to breakthroughs, this is a powerful look at what it really takes to show up for your dog when the world doesn’t always understand.
💡 You’ll hear:
• Why reactivity isn’t “bad behavior”—it’s communication• The mental and emotional toll of being judged as a dog parent• How Majic’s growth reshaped Cobia’s confidence and perspective• What our dogs really need from us to feel safe and connected
If you’ve ever felt alone, ashamed, or overwhelmed by your dog’s big feelings—this episode is for you. Because sometimes, the dog we think is “too much” is the one who teaches us the most.
💛 Special Offer:
Mention “Majic” or this episode when you book a free consult and receive an exclusive discount on training with Em!
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🌐 Website + Free Resources: straightupdogtalk.com
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✨ If this episode moved you, please leave a review or share it with someone who’s walking a similar path.
#reactivedogs #dogtrainingjourney #bigfeelingdogs #petparenting #straightupdogtalk
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
With Fitz, it's this whole different level of intimacy
because you have to take those extra steps and that extra time
and really get to understand thethoughts that are going on in
your dog's head. If you can't read their body
language, if you can't see around the initial fear and
reaction, you're not going to make progress with them.
(00:29):
Do you ever feel like you're doing everything right and still
not getting anywhere with your dog?
I get it because I've been there.
If your dog is reactive, anxious, or just constantly on,
you're not alone and you're not failing.
I help overwhelmed pet parents create calmer homes, safer
routines, and better communication without harsh
tools, rigid timelines, or judgment.
(00:50):
Tap the link in the description to book a free training console
with me. Let's talk about your dog, your
goals, and what's actually goingto help you both move forward.
Welcome to straight up dog talk,the judgement free podcast where
we get real about behavior, connection, nutrition and the
messy middle of dog life. If you're raising a reactive,
anxious or misunderstood dog, you're not alone here.
(01:12):
I'm your host M trainer, canine nutritionist and lifelong
advocate for big feeling dogs. Let's get into it.
Today you're going to hear what real reactivity progress
actually looks like behind the scenes.
Get honest about the emotional impact of having a misunderstood
dog learn how shifting your mindset can change everything
for your dog and your life and In today's episode, you'll learn
(01:34):
how kobe's life changed after realizing that magic wasn't
difficult, she was reactive and needed support.
The emotional roller coaster of reactivity, self blame and
finding the right kind of help and why reactivity isn't a
failure, it's an invitation to advocate, adapt and reconnect.
We have been working with Magic for several months now and Magic
(01:55):
has come such a long way that I thought it would be a really
great opportunity to bring Kobe on and talk about all of the
things that she has learned and what living with a big feeling
dog is like. Because a lot of people get lost
in my dog is reactive, my dog isemotionally unsound or this is
not OK and they forget that having the feelings about our
(02:19):
mental Wellness and our dogs mental Wellness need to be
totally separate and our feelings are just as valid as
our dogs. We're going to break it down for
you guys today. How are you doing today, Kobia?
Doing great. How about yourself?
I'm. Doing good.
It's been it's been a busy day. I haven't had a lot of lot of
errands. We recorded another podcast
episode earlier. It's going to be a fun one.
(02:40):
It's pilots to the rescue, whichis a group that fly planes up
and down the East Coast and theyrescue dogs who are in severe
risk of euthanasia. It's going to be a really cool
episode. Yeah, they, they come here.
I mean, it might not be that exact group, but yes, we do have
pilots that come in for our shelter here in Collington
(03:02):
County, in Walterboro, SC. And we have an airport here and
they fly in people from the shelter, take the dogs out to
the airport and get and they flythem up like to places up in New
England and areas up there. It's very cool and it's such a
worthy cause, and it's really neat.
I told Michael earlier today wasthat when you can combine two of
(03:23):
your passions together and create such a beautiful outcome,
it's just so cool. Why don't you introduce
yourself, tell everybody a little bit about you, tell
everybody a little bit about magic.
And the one thing that I want tomake very clear here is that
magic is a goal. Golden retriever, guys, that is
a breed of dog that a lot of people would be like, we don't
get reactive golden retrievers. We in fact do get reactive
(03:45):
golden retrievers, yes. But because of the bias, people
automatically think, oh, well, it must be a pit bull or it must
be a boxer, or maybe it's a German Shepherd.
It's not. She's not.
So we're going to we're going tochat about that.
Yeah, well, my name is Cobia. I live in the low country of
South Carolina, and magic is my lost count.
Gosh, over my lifetime, more than 10 dogs and she has by far
(04:10):
is the most challenging. I would say.
I got magic at six weeks old from a breeder and she was my
everywhere dog. I took her with me everywhere we
went. Of course, being young, she went
places where didn't let her get down and walk around before she
had her shots and all of that. But she went everywhere, rode in
the car. We went to parks.
(04:30):
When she got a little bit older,went traveling.
She was great. She was around six months old.
She started showing signs of reactivity and I had just
started to take her to basic obedience classes to see if they
would help with that. And I was told that well, she's
reactive. We'll do this on our own away
(04:52):
from other dogs and see how she does because she would start to
bark at other dogs. She got scared of everything.
She got to where she didn't wantto get in the car.
When she got in the car finally she would not get out.
And not knowing that it was an issue so to speak with her, I'd
pick her up, take her out of thecar and take her into wherever
we were going. And she would bark and bark and
(05:14):
bark. And I'm just thinking, OK, well,
she's reactive. I need to have her around other
dogs. And of course, in my, my brain,
I'm like, her retrievers don't act like this.
So there's got to be something wrong.
You know, she can't be barking and carrying on because they're
the chillest, coolest dogs thereare.
We went through basic obedience,We went through advanced
obedience. She passed both classes but they
(05:35):
told me then at the end of thoseclasses that there was a
possibility that she had a soundsensitivity because she would
hear noises and would just stop and bark at them while we were
in the class. So it was after then that we
were already on Instagram and a friend of mine, I was talking to
her about my issues with magic and she mentioned you, Emily,
(05:59):
and told me, hey, you ought to just talk to her and see if she
can help. So that was the beginning of our
love story. We have been together since
August, September. Yeah, I think September, I think
that's right. Some time around in there.
So, yeah, we've been, we've beendealing with each other and with
magic for that long. And magic's come a long way.
(06:21):
She really has. I've learned a lot, you know,
with you helping me. One thing, desensitizing her to
the leash. A lot of people don't realize.
Some people just say, oh, you put your leash on your dog and
you take off and you go. That's not the case.
Some dogs jerk and twist and flop around like a fish out of
water on the leash because they're scared of it.
They don't understand what it is.
(06:42):
These big feelings get in the way.
That's what that's what a reactive dog is.
Reactive dog is not snarling andgrowling and trying to attack
everybody. A reactive dog is a dog who has
strong reactions to objects or people or other animals.
Magic case, yes, sounds definitely.
(07:04):
In her case, the leash was a main 1, the harness was one, and
we did a lot of desensitizing exercises.
Believe me when I tell you guys,this is not a quick fix.
It takes months. And when you don't understand
exactly what's going on, it's hard to pinpoint what it is.
It's hard to know what to work on, what to focus on.
(07:25):
And so you're trying all of these things, but you can only
try them one at a time because you don't want to overwhelmed
their senses. Having a reactive dog is not
like you said, the pit bulls, the shepherds, which I have a
shepherd and he is reactive also, not to the point of magic,
but he is not going to attack everybody, but he's he's scared
(07:47):
of things as well. So it's, it's difficult.
Magic is is a little more challenging in the fact that
it's hard to go anywhere with her because she won't get out of
the car to walk in public. After a few times of visiting a
place in the quiet, she'll eventually get out.
But it's a process. I have to leave the door open
and let her jump in and out and in and out and in and out.
(08:08):
And that was another thing we had to do was help desensitize
her back to getting in the car because she was scared of
getting in the car. So it's it's a challenge.
It's a challenge. And it's, it's not for the faint
of heart. I promise you, you know, you and
you cannot just give up on a dog.
You can't get the dog and the dog not be what you expected
(08:28):
anticipated and just take the dog to the shelter.
Oh, I can't have this dog. This dog's reactive.
I can't do anything with it. It doesn't listen.
It doesn't work that way. Those are those are your babies.
You get them and you change yourlife.
At least I have changed my life to accommodate hers, to make her
life easier, to make her life simpler and in a way as good as
(08:49):
she slowed my life down, you know, And that's, that's a good
thing. Yeah, it's it's wild because I
remember the first videos that you sent me and your goal was to
get her to stop yanking you up and down the stairs.
You guys magic wood. She was like a little lightning
bolt. She would just and and they have
these stairs that are your house, their house is on stilts,
(09:12):
so they're how their stairs are so tall and Magic would just
bolt up those stairs and just drag Kobe up the stairs with
her. I'm surprised you didn't have a
broken bone from the way she wasyanking you.
She would just be like, we're done.
I'm over this is it, I'm. We're going inside.
And it was just like sheer panicon her face.
Yeah. And you guys, you guys would
(09:34):
just go. And then the leash was
definitely a challenge for her. I think that it's so funny when
people are surprised that dogs are reactive to leashes because.
We do just. Assume that we can tie this
thing around their neck and go wherever we want.
But if you think about a dog's natural instincts, that is an
unnatural to be caged, to be tied down, to be restrained,
(09:57):
that's completely unnatural for them.
It's not part of their genetic makeup.
That's something that as humans,we decided we were going to add
this element to help keep them by our sides.
It keep keep them from running away.
And when that fight or flight mode kicks in, it's a
restriction. And so then now we're yanking on
the leash, we're attacking the leash.
And Magic, I think is probably one of the funniest songs I've
(10:21):
ever seen because she. Ever working with Kobia and.
Out in the driveway and she sends me this video and Magic is
just attacking the leash and shaking the leash and pulling
Kobia towards her and down. Kobe is just swearing up a
storm. And it's just like going back.
(10:41):
And it was like they had this little argument between the two
of them. And I remember you didn't think
it was very funny at the time, but I was like, look, you got to
learned to laugh at this kind ofstuff because that is her
expressing frustration. That's you expressing
frustration. And you guys have got to find
some common ground here. And you did.
You did. It happened, I think, a lot
(11:01):
faster than you thought it was going to because she really was
quite resistant to it at first. But when she warmed up, golly,
she does have a very mild mannered personality.
And she is pretty go with the flow when she's comfortable with
something. But boy, you give her a reason
to be scared and she will be scared.
Yeah. And I mean, even still, I can't
take her walking in public and she has just in the last what,
(11:24):
probably two, 2 1/2 months gotten to where she will walk
down our dirt Rd. we started. And here's the thing, when you
start with training with your dog, you throw everything out
the window that you thought you knew and you start from square
1. You start from the basics, like
Emily told me there is a method to this madness.
(11:44):
And I was like, OK, we'll do it.And we started from square one,
Ground Zero as if she knew nothing.
And that's where we had to startto build up to where we are
small in the living room. We were able to move here to the
back porch, move out to the front yard.
From the front yard, we went on the concrete.
Then we went a little bit further on the concrete.
We went around the driveway intothe grass, then a little bit out
(12:08):
onto the road. And boy, she didn't like the
road. But now that's we take our
evening walks or well, we take two walks a day.
We do walk in the morning, we'llwalk in the evening and we'll go
down the dirt road and she lovesit.
Her tail is up. She's just exploring.
She's jumping up and down. We live in the country, so no,
we got woods around us. She's jumping up and down the
the ditches into the woods and she loves it.
(12:30):
She has a blast doing it. Would she have done this three
months ago? No way.
So it's a. It is a slow process, but you
have to follow the process for it to.
Work well. And that's the thing too is that
there are things that Magic did really fast and there are things
that Magic did really slow. And it was all about just
finding those moments for her inwhich she was really successful
(12:54):
and really heavily playing on those things.
We learned two things about Magic on the dirt road, and that
was she likes to eat cat poop and she likes to eat dead frogs.
Yes, yes, she finally has. Leave.
Leave the frogs alone. Thank goodness she likes to
chase them around the backyard. And I would tell her be easy,
their babies be easy, and she'lljust pull at them because she
(13:14):
realized they taste pretty nasty.
But the cat poop, that's something we're working on.
I don't know that you could everget that won't for eating the
cat poop out of a dog. But we have neighbors who have
some cats and I mean they just, they roam free on the dirt Rd.
They just make up and down the dirt Rd. their little potty area
and magic pans and. Little treasures.
Toby looks for little treasures in the yard, too.
(13:37):
Mystery meat. Yeah.
So gross. Oh my gosh.
Well, tell everybody. What is the biggest lesson that
magic has taught you? Slow down.
My mother had told me that if they diagnosed people with a DD
back when I was little bit, theywould have said you've got a DD.
So I know I've got adult a DD. I go from one thing to another
without finishing it, and I'm soI've had to.
(14:01):
I had to learn to slow down and in doing so, enjoying things a
(14:29):
lot more. You know, it's makes a big, big
difference. It's funny too, because those
little moments that you don't even realize that you're
missing, right? Because you're so wrapped up in
being frustrated with them that you shut down the ability to
actually have a real connection with them because you're too
tied up in the what ifs and should eyes and can't they and
(14:51):
all of that. And then when you slow down and
you start adding in those littletiny words and those little
moments of happiness, you realize how much stronger that
bond is with your dog. I've told this story so many
times. Cajun, I thought was my heart
dog. He was my first dog.
He was perfect. He was an Angel.
He never did anything wrong. He was such a good dog and I
(15:14):
will love him for the rest of mylife.
I didn't think that I would ever, ever, ever have another
dog that compared to him. But Fitz proved me so wrong in
that aspect because I have not ever gotten so mad in my entire
life or so frustrated or cried so many tears or wanted to RIP
(15:36):
my hair out more than I have with Fitz.
And yet at the same time he doessomething so dumb.
Like when I throw his ball, if he misses it and it goes
underneath him, he does this weird like shuffle backwards
thing and he gets really low to the ground and he looks almost
kind of like contortionist or something.
And yeah, he looks so funny and,and I just laughed so hard at
(15:57):
him the other day when he did it.
And I said to him, you are such a weirdo.
You are just such a weird dog. And he makes me laugh so hard.
But those moments before, I would have never seen those
sides of him or appreciated those moments in him because he
was too wound up like a top and I was too frustrated with him.
It's all about finding the rightlanguage for you and your dog
(16:19):
and figuring out where that I understand you is AT.
And magic was a tricky one, man.She, she really was a tricky one
because we tried so many things with her in the beginning and
like you said, you were like, shouldn't she?
Why aren't we? And I was like, we just, we have
to figure it out first. We have to figure out what The
thing is. Sometimes it was about the
(16:39):
treat, sometimes it was about the activity, sometimes it was
about where we were. She really did.
I mean, she would shut down whenyou would put her in the car.
And so to see her thriving and doing things with you now, like
going to the cemetery or I'm going to let you tell about her
adventure over Memorial Day weekend, because that was a huge
win for you guys. It was a huge win.
(17:02):
So it's just, it's finding the ability to slow down, take those
moments in and take stock of everything that you're doing and
really just puzzle the pieces together.
And sometimes you got to take the puzzle back apart and you
really have done that. You've really stuck with it and
you've really grounded your attention and your relationship
with her and and forced your weight through to her and she
(17:25):
really has been receptive. So why don't you tell everybody
a little bit about the trip thatyou guys took over a Memorial
Day weekend? Back up a second.
You mentioned the cemetery. People are probably thinking
the. Cemetery.
You go, you go hang out in the cemetery.
OK, so magic has a sound sensitivity as well.
And I was thinking, what better place, what quieter place to
(17:46):
take her to walk than in a cemetery?
Now, of course, great cemetery is closed.
The first one I went to was veryclose to traffic.
So she would walk, but she wouldhear the trucks coming by and
she would just stop and be like,OK, we're I'm done.
I'm pulling you back to the car.I'm done.
So I thought, well, we'll go to the cemetery down here near me.
(18:06):
I'm out in the country, very quiet, occasional cars ride by.
So we took her to that cemetery and she loves it.
She will get out of the car. Now she is exploring all over
that cemetery, finding trails inthe woods that we go when Emily
said we go down SIM, we go to the cemetery, we go for the
quiet peacefulness, for magic, to be able to walk, not just to
(18:28):
go hang out and do seances in the cemetery.
I mean, whatever works. Memorial Day weekend, we go to
the beach every year. We go to Tybee Island which is
in Georgia and they are not dog friendly as far as their beaches
go. Dogs can go all over the island
but they don't allow dogs on thebeach at all.
So last year when we went we rented a beach house with a
(18:52):
pool. First time Magic had been in a
big pool. She loved it.
This year when we were going to go I said OK we're getting
another pool. So we rented another house that
had a pool mainly for my dog to be able to swim.
This thing decides she's going to just jump in and dive like
she was practicing to be a dock dog.
I mean, she's jumping and she's jumping and she's jumping.
(19:13):
And we had to be careful becauseour we take our grandchildren
with us and one of our granddaughters likes to do hand
stands in the water. Well, magic sees her under the
water and she decides I'm jumping on her.
And so she dives right on top ofher.
And that was her first jump intothis pool.
So she dove over and over and over.
She loved it. She loved it.
She really came out herself as she loved, tried to get her to
(19:35):
walk outside normally. Put your leash on your dog, go
walk out front, take a walk around the block, come back.
No, not magic. Got magic outside.
She didn't want to leave the yard.
She want to leave from beside the car.
She wanted to go back in the fence.
So I coaxed her a little bit to stay out in the yard with then a
dog was coming and it was an older dog luckily, so it wasn't
one that was bounding around andbarking at her.
(19:57):
And I told the gentleman, yeah, she's got anxiety, She's still
in training, She's liable to. Bark it and he goes, that's OK,
He said. We'll just walk on by.
And I'm thinking, thank you, Mr.Not somebody who is oh, my dog's
friendly. You'll be fine.
He was. I'll walk on by and we won't, we
won't stop. Well, his dog decided she wanted
(20:17):
to come over and visit and Magicwasn't barking, wasn't trying to
lunge at the dog. She was excited that the dog was
coming up. And so she got to meet the dog.
The dog's name is Chloe. She was an older yellow lab and
Magic wanted to start playing with her.
And she's, you know, pouncing around a little bit like that
puppy pounce. But then she's got a little
frustrated because she was on her harness.
(20:39):
She was on her leash and she couldn't get to the dog like she
wanted. So then she started wanting to
bark and to pull, but I had her come and she sat beside me and
she did great. She did wonderful.
The dog went on the way. We went back in the house and
she was good. While we were going home, we had
a huge, huge win. Magic doesn't like to have the
(20:59):
windows down. Anytime she's in the car, she
doesn't like the noise of the window rolling down.
So I've tried a little bit and riding around our driveway.
We have a horseshoe driveway. So I've ridden around the
driveway, rolled the window downa little bit, rolled the window
up, just practicing letting her hear the noise.
And we got into Savannah coming home and we were going through
(21:21):
the back roads and lots of stoplights and oak trees over
real shaded quiet. And I thought, well, let me give
it a try because she's sitting up looking out the window, which
she normally doesn't even like to look out the window.
She's flat on the seat. She's looking and seeing what's
going on down the window about this much, enough to let some
(21:41):
breeze and some noise come in. She didn't shy away from the
window. So we ride like that a little
bit and I said, let me try it, put the window to where it was
almost a little over halfway down.
Now she was riding with the withher harness and her her seat
belt on. So I wasn't worried about her
getting antsy and diving out thewindow.
So I had the window down and she's listening to the sounds.
(22:04):
She's got the breeze in her face.
When we stopped at the stoplights, you can see her nose
just a twitching, taking in all the new smells of the area we
were at. It's the first time she's ever
done it. Did my heart good.
We rode like that for probably about 20 minutes or so before it
was time for us to get onto the major highway to pick up speed.
But yeah, she loved it. She loved it.
(22:26):
And I was. I couldn't wait till we got home
and I, I had my granddaughter sitting here sitting in the
front. I said take some pictures.
You got to video some of this. I've got to send this to Emily
as soon as we get back. I mean, before I even unpacked,
I'm sending this video to Emily so that she could see.
I'm like, look what she didn't look what she did.
So it's it's the little things. It's some of the things that
people take for granted because you see dogs all the time with
(22:49):
their head out the window. They don't care.
Bugs are slapping them in the face or not.
They got the head out the windowenjoying life.
My dog can't do that. So when she did it without
putting her head out the window,but she didn't shy away from the
window either, that was the greatest feeling.
She she did something that normal dogs will do and she did
it and she enjoyed it. So puppy steps instead of baby
(23:10):
steps, I say we take puppy stepsto get her to where she needs to
be. But yeah, that that was it was a
great win all the way around. It was wonderful.
That's really important to hit on that point that you you just
said, which was she can't do things that other dogs can do
and that people take that for granted.
I think that a lot of people don't realize when they get just
(23:32):
a very mild manner, easygoing dog, how much they're missing
out on, in my opinion, right? Because we have a dog that's
just happy to go along and get along and all of that stuff.
They're great. You have an investment with
them. It's it's wonderful
relationship. But like I said, I had that with
Cajun. We had a great relationship, you
(23:53):
know, but with Fitz, it's like this whole different level of
intimacy because you have to take those extra steps and that
extra time and really get to understand the thoughts that are
going on in your dog's head. Because if you can't read their
body language, if you can't see around the initial fear and
reaction, you're not going to make progress with them.
(24:16):
And that's where I think a lot of people just don't understand.
Like you said, they just take the dog to the rescue and it's
over with. People don't value the life of
things or the time and consistency and energy and
patience and commitment that yougive to a dog that you're
supposed to give to a dog. And they just go, oh, well, this
isn't working on to the next. It's like that is a living
(24:40):
being's life that you just put into danger because you decided
you didn't have time for that. And that just blows my mind.
I don't understand it. I don't know if the listeners
can hear the wind chimes behind me every now and then, but even
that was something that scared Magic and I love wind chimes.
I have wind chimes on the front porch.
(25:00):
I have wind chimes in the back here.
And Magic was scared of the windchimes.
She was scared of the noise thatthey made until I picked her up
and and let her see it and I touched it just to show her this
isn't going to hurt you now thatshe understands what I was
saying. But in her way, I I guess she
did, because after a while she got to where they don't bother
(25:20):
her. Now we've got a couch sitting
over here. The magic is always laid on
forever. And she'll lay right there on
the couch and just we'll sit back here and chill and she'll
listen to the wind chimes now. She likes them now, thank
goodness. But yeah, simple as that.
Wind chimes she was scared of. Sometimes it is just about
showing them and letting them interact with it and and sniff
(25:41):
it and go. That's the thing that's making
that noise that I wasn't sure about.
There are things that we can do that ease our dogs fears and
they're scary's I guess as we call them in this house, they're
little scary's. We see things, we hear things,
we do things and a lot of times we just have to sit and watch
things and interact with things in order to get past that
(26:03):
initial scary. Are there always going to be
things that magic probably reacts to?
I'm sure there are fits to Motorcycles are the one thing,
no matter how many times we do something, that motorcycle
backfires and both of my dogs are barking and running or
whatever. But I also get that because it's
loud and it's sudden and it's it's intermittent, right?
(26:25):
You don't ever really know when the motorcycle is going to come.
And so you can desensitize to something like that.
But because it's so intermittent, that makes it
harder because it can just bang out of nowhere and that's kind
of scary. I get that.
I do get that. What do you think the hardest
part about overcoming magic spheres has been?
(26:46):
That's hard. I'll be brutally honest, my own
frustration. People don't like to admit when
they get mad at their dog, when they yell at their dog, when
they stop it and don't do that anymore.
Especially when your dog is reactive to something and you're
not understanding why and you think that they're not supposed
to be that way. The hardest thing has been to
admit. I can't get frustrated with her
(27:09):
because she can't help what she's doing, you know?
Like I said, I've had 1012 dogs in my life, if not more.
Never have I had to deal with the dog who is as sensitive as
she is. So it took me a while to realize
she can't help it. She's not being stubborn.
Dogs are not openly just stubborn and want to piss you
off just right from the get go. They don't think that way.
(27:32):
It took a while for me to realize it's OK for me to be
upset. But the more that I am getting
upset and frustrated at her is true.
And they say things travel down the leash.
They travel down the leash because like you said, our, our
arguments that we would have when she's grabbing at the leash
and she's yanking and instead ofme just saying, come on, let's
go back in the house and trying to lure her with treats back
(27:55):
into the house. And back then that was where she
wouldn't take a treat at all. But I would fight with her and
argue with her like she knew what I was saying and I could, I
could win her over. No, a lot of the times it was
pick a little golden butt up andcarry her in the house because
she wasn't going to move withoutattacking me.
And I've got the, the scars and the scratches to prove it.
(28:16):
So yeah, the frustration, admitting and curbing the
frustration has been the hardestpart.
And even now I have to sometimesjust stop and count to 5.
Let's breathe in, breathe out. We'll put this away, we'll do it
another day and just just call it quits.
Remember the first time that youguys got into one of those
(28:36):
little tug of war situations andI said to you, don't tug,
backdrop the leash, just wait for her to stop.
Because when you're tugging on the leash now she's like, oh,
this is a game and she's gettingsome kind of reward out of the
fact that she's misbehaving in away that we don't want her to.
And you were like, that's not going to work.
(28:58):
And I said, well, it might not, but we need to.
See if it's going. To give it a try.
And it worked. It worked.
It worked, My goodness. She was like, oh, well, this
isn't fun anymore. And she would trot right after
you into the house. Yeah, she's just cracks me up.
Her and her lizards, too. I think that's probably about
the one of the funniest things that I have ever seen.
(29:19):
Magic and her lizards. That was probably one of the
scarier parts about working on the stairs is because we never
knew when those lizards were going to come out.
Yeah, but we made it. Those things pop out every now
and then. Still, luckily now she listens
when I tell her to wait instead of darting all that after the
lizard. Sometimes I don't catch it and
she darts a little faster than I'm ready for.
(29:41):
But yes, this thing loves lizards.
We have a ramp. You know, like we said earlier,
my house is built up on stilts like a beach house, and I had a
12 1/2 year old black lab named Willow, and Willow got to where
she couldn't walk very well. She had arthritis in her hips.
She had some tumor issues. So to make it easier for her, we
(30:01):
put in a wheelchair ramp. Not an easy feat whenever your
house is built up on stilts. So we've got twists and turns in
it. But Magic decided that's where
she wanted to hunt the lizards because she saw one.
So yeah, the wheelchair ramp is now Magic's racetrack for
chasing the lizards. She still loves those things,
(30:23):
but the ramp is. Joints though, I mean.
Yeah, better for my knees. Yes.
That came out handy because she used to run and race up the
stairs. And when we started coming in
from outside out the back, I would tell her ramp and lead her
that direction so that she wouldrealize, OK, we're not going to
(30:44):
go up the stairs. This is called a ramp.
Let's go. And I started trying to get her
to take Willow up the ramp. And that's what I would tell
her, take Willow up the ramp so that Willow wouldn't try to go
up the stairs and then get stuckand fall or we have to lift her
up to bring her. So Magic had just had just
started getting to where she would take Willow up the ramp
and she would stop and make sureWillow was following her.
(31:06):
And then we ended up having to have her put down because she
just got to wish she couldn't get up and do anything at all.
The ramp is handy. Like you said, it's good for her
joints. It's good on my knees.
And I will still tell her she goes to head up the stairs.
Sometimes I'll just say ramp. She'll hop off and she'll go
right up the ramp. So it's funny how they they pick
up certain words and know exactly what it is.
(31:27):
Yeah, she, she really does. She is a quick little thing.
She definitely picks up words and tricks and all kinds of
things very, very quickly, very,very easily.
And she is very willing to please.
She wants to make you happy and proud.
And there are so many videos where she'll do something and
then she'll double check to makesure that she's doing and then
she'll do it again. And she's, it's so excited when
(31:49):
you reward her and get excited with her.
And it's just, it's really fun to see how much your
relationship has changed and howmuch the two of you have really
complemented each other and so many.
That's probably the coolest thing about working with dogs
and people is that you get to just see this relationship
between the two of them just blossom.
There was a lot of tension in the beginning and you guys were
(32:12):
very stressed out by each other.And now you guys understand each
other and you look for feedback in each other and those check
insurance and her taking treats and just all kinds of various
other things. It's just, it's just really,
really cool to see it. If you could give somebody with
a new dog one piece of advice, what would it be?
Listen, listen to your dog. Yeah, I said.
(32:34):
I won't go do this. Your dog.
And that's what I had to do withmagic.
(32:54):
Had to slow down and listen to what she was telling me.
Mom, they will tell you what they need.
That's a. Really important message because
(33:16):
I, I keep seeing this quote pop up all over Instagram and it's,
it says, what if dogs can't speak because we needed to learn
how to communicate without words.
And every time I see that I'm like, oh, stop, yeah, can't with
that because it is, it's a wholelove language with dogs, right?
(33:36):
They can't look at us and say I need this, I want this, I don't
understand. I can't, I'm struggling.
I love you. They can't say any of those
things to us, but if you just look at your dog, at their body,
at their ears, at their mouth, at their eyes, at their tail,
you can see so much more becausethey truly are the masters of
(34:00):
body language. It just flows so naturally out
of them. And if we just take a little bit
of time to investigate that we can learn so much about our dogs
and ourselves in those moments and.
You know, and don't expect too much too soon if you want a yard
dog just to run around and Oh yeah, hey, here you are play
(34:22):
with you a little bit. That's it.
That's that's fine. But if you want your companion,
you have to put in the time. You have to put in the effort.
Even if you are going through training with your dog, the
trainer is not the one who's handling your dog all the time.
If it's virtual, you're not putting your hands on my dog at
all because we're not here. If it is in person, you've got
(34:44):
an hour a week. You have to bond with your dog.
You have to speak to your dog intheir language and listen to
them. You have to take that time to
put in that effort with your dog.
If you want the dog to understand you and respect you,
you have to give them understanding and respect as
well. And you've got to put in the
time and it's easy to do. It doesn't take hours a day.
(35:06):
It could be 3-4 minutes here, 3-4 minutes there.
It's not going to take much out of your life of what else ever
you've got to do. Your dog needs you.
Absolutely. If there was one thing about
magic that you could remember and take with you to the next
dog, I know you've said you're not going to get another dog.
(35:29):
But if you were to get another dog, what would be the life
lesson magic gave you that you would apply to the next dog to
make it better for that dog? I keep coming back to these
these two things to listen and to slow down.
And you see these sayings on Instagram pop up and they're
with you 12 summers, you know, and you need to let them have as
(35:50):
much enjoyment out of that time as you can.
So slow down, show them things, teach them things, be patient.
That's what I would do. More of that from the get go
than just thinking, here we go. We're going to go to the store,
we're going to go to the park and we're going to hop in the
car. We're going to go here and we're
going to go there. And then just all of a sudden,
the rugs ripped out from under me and I couldn't do all of
(36:12):
these things. I was moving at a faster pace
than what she even realized she couldn't do until she put the
brakes on and was like, I ain't doing this, mom, I can't.
So yeah, life lesson. Slow it down, slow me down, and
slow down with another dog. Again, it's those small moments,
right? And taking those small moments
for granted is where you missed the biggest things.
(36:33):
It has been quite a journey withyou guys and I can't wait to
continue watching magic grow andlearn and just blossom into the
dog that she is meant to be. And I know that it's changing
you as a person, and I know thatit's changing her as a dog and
that you guys are just going to have such a beautiful
relationship over your next 12 summers, hopefully more.
(36:54):
But in the end, what would you like to leave the listeners
with? Do your research.
Don't just get a dog because youthink that that dog, like with
the golden retriever, that they're chill, they're, you
know, the easiest going dog there is.
That's not the case with every single golden.
It's not the case with every dog.
(37:15):
Whether you go to a shelter to get your dog, whether you get
your dog from a breeder, do yourresearch.
Do your research on that particular dog.
Do your research on the shelter.Do your research on that
breeder. Shelters and breeders, sometimes
none of them are ethical. If you're looking at one, you're
looking at this other. You got shady places everywhere,
(37:36):
a lot of dog for anybody to handle if you don't know how to
(38:05):
handle that dog. So yeah, that's that's what I
would like to leave the listeners with.
Do you do your research? A lot of people jump into that
initial, I'm going to get a dog without a lot of forethought.
It's an instant gratification thing.
It's become something that happens too quickly without any
research, any real understandingof what a commitment to a dog
(38:26):
looks like and bettering the life of the dog, right?
So again, whether you get your dog from a breeder or you get
your dog from a rescue, make sure you're doing your research,
make sure that you have the appropriate time and energy and
bandwidth, mental, emotional bandwidth to give to that dog
because you don't know what you're going to get.
Every dog is different, and thatis the most important thing
(38:49):
about your relationship with thedog.
If you guys want to check out Magic and her journeys, you can
find her at Magic the Golden Retriever on Instagram.
I believe you guys are on TikToktoo right?
Yes, we are on TikTok. If you have any questions or you
just need to talk to somebody about about the rough day that
you had with your dog, Kobe and I are always here to talk with
you about those things. Don't be afraid to reach out,
(39:12):
ask questions and commiserate. Do your research.
Love those puppies, and we'll see you next week.
I'm straight up dog talk. If something in today's episode
hit home, maybe it's time to stop Googling and start getting
real help. I work with pet parents
virtually all over the world, especially those with big
feeling dogs who are misunderstood, labeled reactive,
(39:33):
or struggling. Whether you're starting or just
stuck in survival mode, you deserve support that actually
fits you. Book a free console using the
link in the description and let's figure out your next best
steps together.
With Fitz, it's this whole different level of intimacy
because you have to take those extra steps and that extra time
and really get to understand thethoughts that are going on in
your dog's head. If you can't read their body
language, if you can't see around the initial fear and
reaction, you're not going to make progress with them.
(00:29):
Do you ever feel like you're doing everything right and still
not getting anywhere with your dog?
I get it because I've been there.
If your dog is reactive, anxious, or just constantly on,
you're not alone and you're not failing.
I help overwhelmed pet parents create calmer homes, safer
routines, and better communication without harsh
tools, rigid timelines, or judgment.
(00:50):
Tap the link in the description to book a free training console
with me. Let's talk about your dog, your
goals, and what's actually goingto help you both move forward.
Welcome to straight up dog talk,the judgement free podcast where
we get real about behavior, connection, nutrition and the
messy middle of dog life. If you're raising a reactive,
anxious or misunderstood dog, you're not alone here.
(01:12):
I'm your host M trainer, canine nutritionist and lifelong
advocate for big feeling dogs. Let's get into it.
Today you're going to hear what real reactivity progress
actually looks like behind the scenes.
Get honest about the emotional impact of having a misunderstood
dog learn how shifting your mindset can change everything
for your dog and your life and In today's episode, you'll learn
(01:34):
how kobe's life changed after realizing that magic wasn't
difficult, she was reactive and needed support.
The emotional roller coaster of reactivity, self blame and
finding the right kind of help and why reactivity isn't a
failure, it's an invitation to advocate, adapt and reconnect.
We have been working with Magic for several months now and Magic
(01:55):
has come such a long way that I thought it would be a really
great opportunity to bring Kobe on and talk about all of the
things that she has learned and what living with a big feeling
dog is like. Because a lot of people get lost
in my dog is reactive, my dog isemotionally unsound or this is
not OK and they forget that having the feelings about our
(02:19):
mental Wellness and our dogs mental Wellness need to be
totally separate and our feelings are just as valid as
our dogs. We're going to break it down for
you guys today. How are you doing today, Kobia?
Doing great. How about yourself?
I'm. Doing good.
It's been it's been a busy day. I haven't had a lot of lot of
errands. We recorded another podcast
episode earlier. It's going to be a fun one.
(02:40):
It's pilots to the rescue, whichis a group that fly planes up
and down the East Coast and theyrescue dogs who are in severe
risk of euthanasia. It's going to be a really cool
episode. Yeah, they, they come here.
I mean, it might not be that exact group, but yes, we do have
pilots that come in for our shelter here in Collington
(03:02):
County, in Walterboro, SC. And we have an airport here and
they fly in people from the shelter, take the dogs out to
the airport and get and they flythem up like to places up in New
England and areas up there. It's very cool and it's such a
worthy cause, and it's really neat.
I told Michael earlier today wasthat when you can combine two of
(03:23):
your passions together and create such a beautiful outcome,
it's just so cool. Why don't you introduce
yourself, tell everybody a little bit about you, tell
everybody a little bit about magic.
And the one thing that I want tomake very clear here is that
magic is a goal. Golden retriever, guys, that is
a breed of dog that a lot of people would be like, we don't
get reactive golden retrievers. We in fact do get reactive
(03:45):
golden retrievers, yes. But because of the bias, people
automatically think, oh, well, it must be a pit bull or it must
be a boxer, or maybe it's a German Shepherd.
It's not. She's not.
So we're going to we're going tochat about that.
Yeah, well, my name is Cobia. I live in the low country of
South Carolina, and magic is my lost count.
Gosh, over my lifetime, more than 10 dogs and she has by far
(04:10):
is the most challenging. I would say.
I got magic at six weeks old from a breeder and she was my
everywhere dog. I took her with me everywhere we
went. Of course, being young, she went
places where didn't let her get down and walk around before she
had her shots and all of that. But she went everywhere, rode in
the car. We went to parks.
(04:30):
When she got a little bit older,went traveling.
She was great. She was around six months old.
She started showing signs of reactivity and I had just
started to take her to basic obedience classes to see if they
would help with that. And I was told that well, she's
reactive. We'll do this on our own away
(04:52):
from other dogs and see how she does because she would start to
bark at other dogs. She got scared of everything.
She got to where she didn't wantto get in the car.
When she got in the car finally she would not get out.
And not knowing that it was an issue so to speak with her, I'd
pick her up, take her out of thecar and take her into wherever
we were going. And she would bark and bark and
(05:14):
bark. And I'm just thinking, OK, well,
she's reactive. I need to have her around other
dogs. And of course, in my, my brain,
I'm like, her retrievers don't act like this.
So there's got to be something wrong.
You know, she can't be barking and carrying on because they're
the chillest, coolest dogs thereare.
We went through basic obedience,We went through advanced
obedience. She passed both classes but they
(05:35):
told me then at the end of thoseclasses that there was a
possibility that she had a soundsensitivity because she would
hear noises and would just stop and bark at them while we were
in the class. So it was after then that we
were already on Instagram and a friend of mine, I was talking to
her about my issues with magic and she mentioned you, Emily,
(05:59):
and told me, hey, you ought to just talk to her and see if she
can help. So that was the beginning of our
love story. We have been together since
August, September. Yeah, I think September, I think
that's right. Some time around in there.
So, yeah, we've been, we've beendealing with each other and with
magic for that long. And magic's come a long way.
(06:21):
She really has. I've learned a lot, you know,
with you helping me. One thing, desensitizing her to
the leash. A lot of people don't realize.
Some people just say, oh, you put your leash on your dog and
you take off and you go. That's not the case.
Some dogs jerk and twist and flop around like a fish out of
water on the leash because they're scared of it.
They don't understand what it is.
(06:42):
These big feelings get in the way.
That's what that's what a reactive dog is.
Reactive dog is not snarling andgrowling and trying to attack
everybody. A reactive dog is a dog who has
strong reactions to objects or people or other animals.
Magic case, yes, sounds definitely.
(07:04):
In her case, the leash was a main 1, the harness was one, and
we did a lot of desensitizing exercises.
Believe me when I tell you guys,this is not a quick fix.
It takes months. And when you don't understand
exactly what's going on, it's hard to pinpoint what it is.
It's hard to know what to work on, what to focus on.
(07:25):
And so you're trying all of these things, but you can only
try them one at a time because you don't want to overwhelmed
their senses. Having a reactive dog is not
like you said, the pit bulls, the shepherds, which I have a
shepherd and he is reactive also, not to the point of magic,
but he is not going to attack everybody, but he's he's scared
(07:47):
of things as well. So it's, it's difficult.
Magic is is a little more challenging in the fact that
it's hard to go anywhere with her because she won't get out of
the car to walk in public. After a few times of visiting a
place in the quiet, she'll eventually get out.
But it's a process. I have to leave the door open
and let her jump in and out and in and out and in and out.
(08:08):
And that was another thing we had to do was help desensitize
her back to getting in the car because she was scared of
getting in the car. So it's it's a challenge.
It's a challenge. And it's, it's not for the faint
of heart. I promise you, you know, you and
you cannot just give up on a dog.
You can't get the dog and the dog not be what you expected
(08:28):
anticipated and just take the dog to the shelter.
Oh, I can't have this dog. This dog's reactive.
I can't do anything with it. It doesn't listen.
It doesn't work that way. Those are those are your babies.
You get them and you change yourlife.
At least I have changed my life to accommodate hers, to make her
life easier, to make her life simpler and in a way as good as
(08:49):
she slowed my life down, you know, And that's, that's a good
thing. Yeah, it's it's wild because I
remember the first videos that you sent me and your goal was to
get her to stop yanking you up and down the stairs.
You guys magic wood. She was like a little lightning
bolt. She would just and and they have
these stairs that are your house, their house is on stilts,
(09:12):
so they're how their stairs are so tall and Magic would just
bolt up those stairs and just drag Kobe up the stairs with
her. I'm surprised you didn't have a
broken bone from the way she wasyanking you.
She would just be like, we're done.
I'm over this is it, I'm. We're going inside.
And it was just like sheer panicon her face.
Yeah. And you guys, you guys would
(09:34):
just go. And then the leash was
definitely a challenge for her. I think that it's so funny when
people are surprised that dogs are reactive to leashes because.
We do just. Assume that we can tie this
thing around their neck and go wherever we want.
But if you think about a dog's natural instincts, that is an
unnatural to be caged, to be tied down, to be restrained,
(09:57):
that's completely unnatural for them.
It's not part of their genetic makeup.
That's something that as humans,we decided we were going to add
this element to help keep them by our sides.
It keep keep them from running away.
And when that fight or flight mode kicks in, it's a
restriction. And so then now we're yanking on
the leash, we're attacking the leash.
And Magic, I think is probably one of the funniest songs I've
(10:21):
ever seen because she. Ever working with Kobia and.
Out in the driveway and she sends me this video and Magic is
just attacking the leash and shaking the leash and pulling
Kobia towards her and down. Kobe is just swearing up a
storm. And it's just like going back.
(10:41):
And it was like they had this little argument between the two
of them. And I remember you didn't think
it was very funny at the time, but I was like, look, you got to
learned to laugh at this kind ofstuff because that is her
expressing frustration. That's you expressing
frustration. And you guys have got to find
some common ground here. And you did.
You did. It happened, I think, a lot
(11:01):
faster than you thought it was going to because she really was
quite resistant to it at first. But when she warmed up, golly,
she does have a very mild mannered personality.
And she is pretty go with the flow when she's comfortable with
something. But boy, you give her a reason
to be scared and she will be scared.
Yeah. And I mean, even still, I can't
take her walking in public and she has just in the last what,
(11:24):
probably two, 2 1/2 months gotten to where she will walk
down our dirt Rd. we started. And here's the thing, when you
start with training with your dog, you throw everything out
the window that you thought you knew and you start from square
1. You start from the basics, like
Emily told me there is a method to this madness.
(11:44):
And I was like, OK, we'll do it.And we started from square one,
Ground Zero as if she knew nothing.
And that's where we had to startto build up to where we are
small in the living room. We were able to move here to the
back porch, move out to the front yard.
From the front yard, we went on the concrete.
Then we went a little bit further on the concrete.
We went around the driveway intothe grass, then a little bit out
(12:08):
onto the road. And boy, she didn't like the
road. But now that's we take our
evening walks or well, we take two walks a day.
We do walk in the morning, we'llwalk in the evening and we'll go
down the dirt road and she lovesit.
Her tail is up. She's just exploring.
She's jumping up and down. We live in the country, so no,
we got woods around us. She's jumping up and down the
the ditches into the woods and she loves it.
(12:30):
She has a blast doing it. Would she have done this three
months ago? No way.
So it's a. It is a slow process, but you
have to follow the process for it to.
Work well. And that's the thing too is that
there are things that Magic did really fast and there are things
that Magic did really slow. And it was all about just
finding those moments for her inwhich she was really successful
(12:54):
and really heavily playing on those things.
We learned two things about Magic on the dirt road, and that
was she likes to eat cat poop and she likes to eat dead frogs.
Yes, yes, she finally has. Leave.
Leave the frogs alone. Thank goodness she likes to
chase them around the backyard. And I would tell her be easy,
their babies be easy, and she'lljust pull at them because she
(13:14):
realized they taste pretty nasty.
But the cat poop, that's something we're working on.
I don't know that you could everget that won't for eating the
cat poop out of a dog. But we have neighbors who have
some cats and I mean they just, they roam free on the dirt Rd.
They just make up and down the dirt Rd. their little potty area
and magic pans and. Little treasures.
Toby looks for little treasures in the yard, too.
(13:37):
Mystery meat. Yeah.
So gross. Oh my gosh.
Well, tell everybody. What is the biggest lesson that
magic has taught you? Slow down.
My mother had told me that if they diagnosed people with a DD
back when I was little bit, theywould have said you've got a DD.
So I know I've got adult a DD. I go from one thing to another
without finishing it, and I'm soI've had to.
(14:01):
I had to learn to slow down and in doing so, enjoying things a
(14:29):
lot more. You know, it's makes a big, big
difference. It's funny too, because those
little moments that you don't even realize that you're
missing, right? Because you're so wrapped up in
being frustrated with them that you shut down the ability to
actually have a real connection with them because you're too
tied up in the what ifs and should eyes and can't they and
(14:51):
all of that. And then when you slow down and
you start adding in those littletiny words and those little
moments of happiness, you realize how much stronger that
bond is with your dog. I've told this story so many
times. Cajun, I thought was my heart
dog. He was my first dog.
He was perfect. He was an Angel.
He never did anything wrong. He was such a good dog and I
(15:14):
will love him for the rest of mylife.
I didn't think that I would ever, ever, ever have another
dog that compared to him. But Fitz proved me so wrong in
that aspect because I have not ever gotten so mad in my entire
life or so frustrated or cried so many tears or wanted to RIP
(15:36):
my hair out more than I have with Fitz.
And yet at the same time he doessomething so dumb.
Like when I throw his ball, if he misses it and it goes
underneath him, he does this weird like shuffle backwards
thing and he gets really low to the ground and he looks almost
kind of like contortionist or something.
And yeah, he looks so funny and,and I just laughed so hard at
(15:57):
him the other day when he did it.
And I said to him, you are such a weirdo.
You are just such a weird dog. And he makes me laugh so hard.
But those moments before, I would have never seen those
sides of him or appreciated those moments in him because he
was too wound up like a top and I was too frustrated with him.
It's all about finding the rightlanguage for you and your dog
(16:19):
and figuring out where that I understand you is AT.
And magic was a tricky one, man.She, she really was a tricky one
because we tried so many things with her in the beginning and
like you said, you were like, shouldn't she?
Why aren't we? And I was like, we just, we have
to figure it out first. We have to figure out what The
thing is. Sometimes it was about the
(16:39):
treat, sometimes it was about the activity, sometimes it was
about where we were. She really did.
I mean, she would shut down whenyou would put her in the car.
And so to see her thriving and doing things with you now, like
going to the cemetery or I'm going to let you tell about her
adventure over Memorial Day weekend, because that was a huge
win for you guys. It was a huge win.
(17:02):
So it's just, it's finding the ability to slow down, take those
moments in and take stock of everything that you're doing and
really just puzzle the pieces together.
And sometimes you got to take the puzzle back apart and you
really have done that. You've really stuck with it and
you've really grounded your attention and your relationship
with her and and forced your weight through to her and she
(17:25):
really has been receptive. So why don't you tell everybody
a little bit about the trip thatyou guys took over a Memorial
Day weekend? Back up a second.
You mentioned the cemetery. People are probably thinking
the. Cemetery.
You go, you go hang out in the cemetery.
OK, so magic has a sound sensitivity as well.
And I was thinking, what better place, what quieter place to
(17:46):
take her to walk than in a cemetery?
Now, of course, great cemetery is closed.
The first one I went to was veryclose to traffic.
So she would walk, but she wouldhear the trucks coming by and
she would just stop and be like,OK, we're I'm done.
I'm pulling you back to the car.I'm done.
So I thought, well, we'll go to the cemetery down here near me.
(18:06):
I'm out in the country, very quiet, occasional cars ride by.
So we took her to that cemetery and she loves it.
She will get out of the car. Now she is exploring all over
that cemetery, finding trails inthe woods that we go when Emily
said we go down SIM, we go to the cemetery, we go for the
quiet peacefulness, for magic, to be able to walk, not just to
(18:28):
go hang out and do seances in the cemetery.
I mean, whatever works. Memorial Day weekend, we go to
the beach every year. We go to Tybee Island which is
in Georgia and they are not dog friendly as far as their beaches
go. Dogs can go all over the island
but they don't allow dogs on thebeach at all.
So last year when we went we rented a beach house with a
(18:52):
pool. First time Magic had been in a
big pool. She loved it.
This year when we were going to go I said OK we're getting
another pool. So we rented another house that
had a pool mainly for my dog to be able to swim.
This thing decides she's going to just jump in and dive like
she was practicing to be a dock dog.
I mean, she's jumping and she's jumping and she's jumping.
(19:13):
And we had to be careful becauseour we take our grandchildren
with us and one of our granddaughters likes to do hand
stands in the water. Well, magic sees her under the
water and she decides I'm jumping on her.
And so she dives right on top ofher.
And that was her first jump intothis pool.
So she dove over and over and over.
She loved it. She loved it.
She really came out herself as she loved, tried to get her to
(19:35):
walk outside normally. Put your leash on your dog, go
walk out front, take a walk around the block, come back.
No, not magic. Got magic outside.
She didn't want to leave the yard.
She want to leave from beside the car.
She wanted to go back in the fence.
So I coaxed her a little bit to stay out in the yard with then a
dog was coming and it was an older dog luckily, so it wasn't
one that was bounding around andbarking at her.
(19:57):
And I told the gentleman, yeah, she's got anxiety, She's still
in training, She's liable to. Bark it and he goes, that's OK,
He said. We'll just walk on by.
And I'm thinking, thank you, Mr.Not somebody who is oh, my dog's
friendly. You'll be fine.
He was. I'll walk on by and we won't, we
won't stop. Well, his dog decided she wanted
(20:17):
to come over and visit and Magicwasn't barking, wasn't trying to
lunge at the dog. She was excited that the dog was
coming up. And so she got to meet the dog.
The dog's name is Chloe. She was an older yellow lab and
Magic wanted to start playing with her.
And she's, you know, pouncing around a little bit like that
puppy pounce. But then she's got a little
frustrated because she was on her harness.
(20:39):
She was on her leash and she couldn't get to the dog like she
wanted. So then she started wanting to
bark and to pull, but I had her come and she sat beside me and
she did great. She did wonderful.
The dog went on the way. We went back in the house and
she was good. While we were going home, we had
a huge, huge win. Magic doesn't like to have the
(20:59):
windows down. Anytime she's in the car, she
doesn't like the noise of the window rolling down.
So I've tried a little bit and riding around our driveway.
We have a horseshoe driveway. So I've ridden around the
driveway, rolled the window downa little bit, rolled the window
up, just practicing letting her hear the noise.
And we got into Savannah coming home and we were going through
(21:21):
the back roads and lots of stoplights and oak trees over
real shaded quiet. And I thought, well, let me give
it a try because she's sitting up looking out the window, which
she normally doesn't even like to look out the window.
She's flat on the seat. She's looking and seeing what's
going on down the window about this much, enough to let some
(21:41):
breeze and some noise come in. She didn't shy away from the
window. So we ride like that a little
bit and I said, let me try it, put the window to where it was
almost a little over halfway down.
Now she was riding with the withher harness and her her seat
belt on. So I wasn't worried about her
getting antsy and diving out thewindow.
So I had the window down and she's listening to the sounds.
(22:04):
She's got the breeze in her face.
When we stopped at the stoplights, you can see her nose
just a twitching, taking in all the new smells of the area we
were at. It's the first time she's ever
done it. Did my heart good.
We rode like that for probably about 20 minutes or so before it
was time for us to get onto the major highway to pick up speed.
But yeah, she loved it. She loved it.
(22:26):
And I was. I couldn't wait till we got home
and I, I had my granddaughter sitting here sitting in the
front. I said take some pictures.
You got to video some of this. I've got to send this to Emily
as soon as we get back. I mean, before I even unpacked,
I'm sending this video to Emily so that she could see.
I'm like, look what she didn't look what she did.
So it's it's the little things. It's some of the things that
people take for granted because you see dogs all the time with
(22:49):
their head out the window. They don't care.
Bugs are slapping them in the face or not.
They got the head out the windowenjoying life.
My dog can't do that. So when she did it without
putting her head out the window,but she didn't shy away from the
window either, that was the greatest feeling.
She she did something that normal dogs will do and she did
it and she enjoyed it. So puppy steps instead of baby
(23:10):
steps, I say we take puppy stepsto get her to where she needs to
be. But yeah, that that was it was a
great win all the way around. It was wonderful.
That's really important to hit on that point that you you just
said, which was she can't do things that other dogs can do
and that people take that for granted.
I think that a lot of people don't realize when they get just
(23:32):
a very mild manner, easygoing dog, how much they're missing
out on, in my opinion, right? Because we have a dog that's
just happy to go along and get along and all of that stuff.
They're great. You have an investment with
them. It's it's wonderful
relationship. But like I said, I had that with
Cajun. We had a great relationship, you
(23:53):
know, but with Fitz, it's like this whole different level of
intimacy because you have to take those extra steps and that
extra time and really get to understand the thoughts that are
going on in your dog's head. Because if you can't read their
body language, if you can't see around the initial fear and
reaction, you're not going to make progress with them.
(24:16):
And that's where I think a lot of people just don't understand.
Like you said, they just take the dog to the rescue and it's
over with. People don't value the life of
things or the time and consistency and energy and
patience and commitment that yougive to a dog that you're
supposed to give to a dog. And they just go, oh, well, this
isn't working on to the next. It's like that is a living
(24:40):
being's life that you just put into danger because you decided
you didn't have time for that. And that just blows my mind.
I don't understand it. I don't know if the listeners
can hear the wind chimes behind me every now and then, but even
that was something that scared Magic and I love wind chimes.
I have wind chimes on the front porch.
(25:00):
I have wind chimes in the back here.
And Magic was scared of the windchimes.
She was scared of the noise thatthey made until I picked her up
and and let her see it and I touched it just to show her this
isn't going to hurt you now thatshe understands what I was
saying. But in her way, I I guess she
did, because after a while she got to where they don't bother
(25:20):
her. Now we've got a couch sitting
over here. The magic is always laid on
forever. And she'll lay right there on
the couch and just we'll sit back here and chill and she'll
listen to the wind chimes now. She likes them now, thank
goodness. But yeah, simple as that.
Wind chimes she was scared of. Sometimes it is just about
showing them and letting them interact with it and and sniff
(25:41):
it and go. That's the thing that's making
that noise that I wasn't sure about.
There are things that we can do that ease our dogs fears and
they're scary's I guess as we call them in this house, they're
little scary's. We see things, we hear things,
we do things and a lot of times we just have to sit and watch
things and interact with things in order to get past that
(26:03):
initial scary. Are there always going to be
things that magic probably reacts to?
I'm sure there are fits to Motorcycles are the one thing,
no matter how many times we do something, that motorcycle
backfires and both of my dogs are barking and running or
whatever. But I also get that because it's
loud and it's sudden and it's it's intermittent, right?
(26:25):
You don't ever really know when the motorcycle is going to come.
And so you can desensitize to something like that.
But because it's so intermittent, that makes it
harder because it can just bang out of nowhere and that's kind
of scary. I get that.
I do get that. What do you think the hardest
part about overcoming magic spheres has been?
(26:46):
That's hard. I'll be brutally honest, my own
frustration. People don't like to admit when
they get mad at their dog, when they yell at their dog, when
they stop it and don't do that anymore.
Especially when your dog is reactive to something and you're
not understanding why and you think that they're not supposed
to be that way. The hardest thing has been to
admit. I can't get frustrated with her
(27:09):
because she can't help what she's doing, you know?
Like I said, I've had 1012 dogs in my life, if not more.
Never have I had to deal with the dog who is as sensitive as
she is. So it took me a while to realize
she can't help it. She's not being stubborn.
Dogs are not openly just stubborn and want to piss you
off just right from the get go. They don't think that way.
(27:32):
It took a while for me to realize it's OK for me to be
upset. But the more that I am getting
upset and frustrated at her is true.
And they say things travel down the leash.
They travel down the leash because like you said, our, our
arguments that we would have when she's grabbing at the leash
and she's yanking and instead ofme just saying, come on, let's
go back in the house and trying to lure her with treats back
(27:55):
into the house. And back then that was where she
wouldn't take a treat at all. But I would fight with her and
argue with her like she knew what I was saying and I could, I
could win her over. No, a lot of the times it was
pick a little golden butt up andcarry her in the house because
she wasn't going to move withoutattacking me.
And I've got the, the scars and the scratches to prove it.
(28:16):
So yeah, the frustration, admitting and curbing the
frustration has been the hardestpart.
And even now I have to sometimesjust stop and count to 5.
Let's breathe in, breathe out. We'll put this away, we'll do it
another day and just just call it quits.
Remember the first time that youguys got into one of those
(28:36):
little tug of war situations andI said to you, don't tug,
backdrop the leash, just wait for her to stop.
Because when you're tugging on the leash now she's like, oh,
this is a game and she's gettingsome kind of reward out of the
fact that she's misbehaving in away that we don't want her to.
And you were like, that's not going to work.
(28:58):
And I said, well, it might not, but we need to.
See if it's going. To give it a try.
And it worked. It worked.
It worked, My goodness. She was like, oh, well, this
isn't fun anymore. And she would trot right after
you into the house. Yeah, she's just cracks me up.
Her and her lizards, too. I think that's probably about
the one of the funniest things that I have ever seen.
(29:19):
Magic and her lizards. That was probably one of the
scarier parts about working on the stairs is because we never
knew when those lizards were going to come out.
Yeah, but we made it. Those things pop out every now
and then. Still, luckily now she listens
when I tell her to wait instead of darting all that after the
lizard. Sometimes I don't catch it and
she darts a little faster than I'm ready for.
(29:41):
But yes, this thing loves lizards.
We have a ramp. You know, like we said earlier,
my house is built up on stilts like a beach house, and I had a
12 1/2 year old black lab named Willow, and Willow got to where
she couldn't walk very well. She had arthritis in her hips.
She had some tumor issues. So to make it easier for her, we
(30:01):
put in a wheelchair ramp. Not an easy feat whenever your
house is built up on stilts. So we've got twists and turns in
it. But Magic decided that's where
she wanted to hunt the lizards because she saw one.
So yeah, the wheelchair ramp is now Magic's racetrack for
chasing the lizards. She still loves those things,
(30:23):
but the ramp is. Joints though, I mean.
Yeah, better for my knees. Yes.
That came out handy because she used to run and race up the
stairs. And when we started coming in
from outside out the back, I would tell her ramp and lead her
that direction so that she wouldrealize, OK, we're not going to
(30:44):
go up the stairs. This is called a ramp.
Let's go. And I started trying to get her
to take Willow up the ramp. And that's what I would tell
her, take Willow up the ramp so that Willow wouldn't try to go
up the stairs and then get stuckand fall or we have to lift her
up to bring her. So Magic had just had just
started getting to where she would take Willow up the ramp
and she would stop and make sureWillow was following her.
(31:06):
And then we ended up having to have her put down because she
just got to wish she couldn't get up and do anything at all.
The ramp is handy. Like you said, it's good for her
joints. It's good on my knees.
And I will still tell her she goes to head up the stairs.
Sometimes I'll just say ramp. She'll hop off and she'll go
right up the ramp. So it's funny how they they pick
up certain words and know exactly what it is.
(31:27):
Yeah, she, she really does. She is a quick little thing.
She definitely picks up words and tricks and all kinds of
things very, very quickly, very,very easily.
And she is very willing to please.
She wants to make you happy and proud.
And there are so many videos where she'll do something and
then she'll double check to makesure that she's doing and then
she'll do it again. And she's, it's so excited when
(31:49):
you reward her and get excited with her.
And it's just, it's really fun to see how much your
relationship has changed and howmuch the two of you have really
complemented each other and so many.
That's probably the coolest thing about working with dogs
and people is that you get to just see this relationship
between the two of them just blossom.
There was a lot of tension in the beginning and you guys were
(32:12):
very stressed out by each other.And now you guys understand each
other and you look for feedback in each other and those check
insurance and her taking treats and just all kinds of various
other things. It's just, it's just really,
really cool to see it. If you could give somebody with
a new dog one piece of advice, what would it be?
Listen, listen to your dog. Yeah, I said.
(32:34):
I won't go do this. Your dog.
And that's what I had to do withmagic.
(32:54):
Had to slow down and listen to what she was telling me.
Mom, they will tell you what they need.
That's a. Really important message because
(33:16):
I, I keep seeing this quote pop up all over Instagram and it's,
it says, what if dogs can't speak because we needed to learn
how to communicate without words.
And every time I see that I'm like, oh, stop, yeah, can't with
that because it is, it's a wholelove language with dogs, right?
(33:36):
They can't look at us and say I need this, I want this, I don't
understand. I can't, I'm struggling.
I love you. They can't say any of those
things to us, but if you just look at your dog, at their body,
at their ears, at their mouth, at their eyes, at their tail,
you can see so much more becausethey truly are the masters of
(34:00):
body language. It just flows so naturally out
of them. And if we just take a little bit
of time to investigate that we can learn so much about our dogs
and ourselves in those moments and.
You know, and don't expect too much too soon if you want a yard
dog just to run around and Oh yeah, hey, here you are play
(34:22):
with you a little bit. That's it.
That's that's fine. But if you want your companion,
you have to put in the time. You have to put in the effort.
Even if you are going through training with your dog, the
trainer is not the one who's handling your dog all the time.
If it's virtual, you're not putting your hands on my dog at
all because we're not here. If it is in person, you've got
(34:44):
an hour a week. You have to bond with your dog.
You have to speak to your dog intheir language and listen to
them. You have to take that time to
put in that effort with your dog.
If you want the dog to understand you and respect you,
you have to give them understanding and respect as
well. And you've got to put in the
time and it's easy to do. It doesn't take hours a day.
(35:06):
It could be 3-4 minutes here, 3-4 minutes there.
It's not going to take much out of your life of what else ever
you've got to do. Your dog needs you.
Absolutely. If there was one thing about
magic that you could remember and take with you to the next
dog, I know you've said you're not going to get another dog.
(35:29):
But if you were to get another dog, what would be the life
lesson magic gave you that you would apply to the next dog to
make it better for that dog? I keep coming back to these
these two things to listen and to slow down.
And you see these sayings on Instagram pop up and they're
with you 12 summers, you know, and you need to let them have as
(35:50):
much enjoyment out of that time as you can.
So slow down, show them things, teach them things, be patient.
That's what I would do. More of that from the get go
than just thinking, here we go. We're going to go to the store,
we're going to go to the park and we're going to hop in the
car. We're going to go here and we're
going to go there. And then just all of a sudden,
the rugs ripped out from under me and I couldn't do all of
(36:12):
these things. I was moving at a faster pace
than what she even realized she couldn't do until she put the
brakes on and was like, I ain't doing this, mom, I can't.
So yeah, life lesson. Slow it down, slow me down, and
slow down with another dog. Again, it's those small moments,
right? And taking those small moments
for granted is where you missed the biggest things.
(36:33):
It has been quite a journey withyou guys and I can't wait to
continue watching magic grow andlearn and just blossom into the
dog that she is meant to be. And I know that it's changing
you as a person, and I know thatit's changing her as a dog and
that you guys are just going to have such a beautiful
relationship over your next 12 summers, hopefully more.
(36:54):
But in the end, what would you like to leave the listeners
with? Do your research.
Don't just get a dog because youthink that that dog, like with
the golden retriever, that they're chill, they're, you
know, the easiest going dog there is.
That's not the case with every single golden.
It's not the case with every dog.
(37:15):
Whether you go to a shelter to get your dog, whether you get
your dog from a breeder, do yourresearch.
Do your research on that particular dog.
Do your research on the shelter.Do your research on that
breeder. Shelters and breeders, sometimes
none of them are ethical. If you're looking at one, you're
looking at this other. You got shady places everywhere,
(37:36):
a lot of dog for anybody to handle if you don't know how to
(38:05):
handle that dog. So yeah, that's that's what I
would like to leave the listeners with.
Do you do your research? A lot of people jump into that
initial, I'm going to get a dog without a lot of forethought.
It's an instant gratification thing.
It's become something that happens too quickly without any
research, any real understandingof what a commitment to a dog
(38:26):
looks like and bettering the life of the dog, right?
So again, whether you get your dog from a breeder or you get
your dog from a rescue, make sure you're doing your research,
make sure that you have the appropriate time and energy and
bandwidth, mental, emotional bandwidth to give to that dog
because you don't know what you're going to get.
Every dog is different, and thatis the most important thing
(38:49):
about your relationship with thedog.
If you guys want to check out Magic and her journeys, you can
find her at Magic the Golden Retriever on Instagram.
I believe you guys are on TikToktoo right?
Yes, we are on TikTok. If you have any questions or you
just need to talk to somebody about about the rough day that
you had with your dog, Kobe and I are always here to talk with
you about those things. Don't be afraid to reach out,
(39:12):
ask questions and commiserate. Do your research.
Love those puppies, and we'll see you next week.
I'm straight up dog talk. If something in today's episode
hit home, maybe it's time to stop Googling and start getting
real help. I work with pet parents
virtually all over the world, especially those with big
feeling dogs who are misunderstood, labeled reactive,
(39:33):
or struggling. Whether you're starting or just
stuck in survival mode, you deserve support that actually
fits you. Book a free console using the
link in the description and let's figure out your next best
steps together.
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