Why Dog Parents Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Support Their Dogs

In this reactive dog podcast episode, Em shares how letting go of perfection—and the E-collar—changed everything for her and Fitz.

✨ I thought I had to be perfect to help my reactive dog.
Turns out, I just had to be present.

Five and a half years ago, I was standing in a quiet parking lot, holding the leash of a barking, overwhelmed dog—using an E-collar, doing everything I was told—and still, it wasn’t working.

That was the moment I realized:
Maybe the problem wasn’t my dog.
Maybe it was the pressure I was putting on both of us.

That moment changed everything. It was the beginning of a new way of thinking… and the first step toward becoming a trainer, launching this podcast, and building the life we have now.

🎧 In this solo episode, I’m sharing:
• Why perfection was stealing my peace (and Fitz’s)• The moment I took the E-collar off for good• What helped us heal: safety, regulation, and connection• Why “doing everything right” still didn’t help• How Fitz made me question everything—and build something better

💛 This is your reminder:
You don’t need to be perfect to support your dog.
You just need to show up. Regulated. Honest. Willing.

Because your dog isn’t looking for perfection.
They’re looking for you.

🕒 Episode Breakdown:00:00 The Lie I Believed About Being a Good Pet Parent00:45 When Doing “Everything Right” Still Didn’t Help01:40 The E-Collar That Made Things Worse02:30 The Parking Lot Realization That Changed Everything03:30 From Obedience to Understanding04:25 What Helped Us Heal: Safety, Regulation, Connection05:10 You’re Not Failing—You’re Doing the Work

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🌐 Website + Free Resources: straightupdogtalk.com
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👇 Tag a pet parent who needs this reminder today.
💛 Save this post for the days you feel like you’re falling short.
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#reactivedog #bigfeelingdogs #dogtrainingjourney #straightupdogtalk #petparentpressure

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I thought being a good dog parent meant doing everything
right, but my dog never asked for that.
He was asking for me Welcome. Come to Straight up Dog Talk,
the podcast for real dog people who need more than filtered

(00:20):
advice. I'm M dog trainer, canine
nutritionist, enrichment specialist, and lifelong
advocate for big feeling dogs and the people doing their best
to love and support them. Each week we talk about what
really matters because you and your dog deserve honesty,
support, and connection. Whether you're here for help,
healing, or just a dose of me too, you're in the right place.

(00:41):
If you've ever felt like no matter how hard you try, it's
never enough, this episode is today.
I'm sharing the moment I stoppedchasing perfection as a pet
parent, how that decision changed everything for me and
fits, and how it became the first step in the journey that
led me here to becoming a trainer, launching this podcast,
and building something real. By the end of this episode,

(01:02):
you'll understand why perfectionis often a trauma response, not
a training plan. How our dogs reflect the
pressure we put on ourselves, and what happened when I stopped
managing behavior and started building trust.
I used to think that if I just followed all the rules, used all
the right tools, stayed one stepahead of the behavior, stayed

(01:23):
consistent and calm, I'd finallybe good at this.
I'd feel in control. Other people would see me as
capable, maybe even impressive. But underneath that was fear.
Fear that I wasn't doing enough.Fear that if I didn't get it
right, I'd fail my dog. Fear that I'd be judged for
having a dog who is reactive, loud, and unpredictable.

(01:44):
I didn't realize it at the time,but I had turned pet parenting
into a performance. Every walk, every training
session, every moment outside the house, I was constantly
evaluating myself. Was I doing enough?
Was he behaving well enough? Were we safe from judgment?
Fitz had been on an E collar fora few months.
We didn't start using it until he was almost a year old because

(02:07):
I had already tried everything else people had told me to, and
I still felt like I was failing him.
At first the caller gave me a false sense of control, but over
time I saw things I couldn't ignore.
He was still reacting, he was still barking, he was still
terrified. The E caller didn't remove the
fear, it just punished the expression of it.

(02:28):
I remember 1 moment so clearly. It was in a parking lot at our
old apartment complex. A quiet A person walked by and
Fitz exploded, even with the E collar on, even with all of the
training sessions. And I just froze.
Not because of his behavior, butbecause I could feel people
staring. I was so ashamed.

(02:49):
And in that split second it hit me.
If this isn't helping him feel safer, what are we even doing?
That moment over five years ago was the crack in everything I
thought I knew because for the first time I saw the issue
wasn't him. It was the approach.
Fitz didn't need more correction.
He needed comfort. He didn't need obedience.

(03:10):
He needed understanding. And I had been so focused on
fixing the behavior, I missed what he was trying to tell me.
I didn't know it then, but that moment in the parking lot
changed my life. It was the first time I
questioned the kind of advice I was taking, the first time I
gave myself permission to look for something different, to say.

(03:31):
Maybe this doesn't feel right, because it isn't.
I started reading more, learningabout emotional regulation,
nervous systems, behavior science.
I wasn't trying to become a trainer at that point.
I just wanted to help my dog without hurting him.
But that moment, that shift in perspective, was the first real
step that led me here, to this podcast, to this career, to this

(03:53):
version of myself. Once I took the collar off and
started listening to him insteadof managing him, everything
began to shift. I started asking what helps him
feel safe, what reduces his stress instead of suppressing
it. What do I want our life to feel
like, not just look like? And what I found was this.
When I relaxed, he relaxed. When I was regulated, he

(04:17):
responded. When I stopped bracing US
against the world, so did he. Training didn't become easier
overnight, but it became clearerI wasn't trying to prove
anything anymore. I was just trying to build
something real. Looking back, I truly believe
Fitz was never the wrong dog. He was the exact dog I needed.
Because without him, I would have stayed stuck in

(04:39):
perfectionism. I would have kept striving to
meet expectations that never fitmy life or his.
He's the reason I let go of performance, of pressure, of
fear. And when I did, I got us back.
So if you're stuck in that cycleof striving, fixing, and
constantly questioning yourself,I see you.
You're not alone. You're not failing.

(05:01):
Your dog doesn't need to be perfect.
They need you to be present, andyou deserve to feel safe enough
to show up that way. If this episode spoke to you,
please share it with someone whoneeds to hear it.
Leave us a review on your favorite platform or tag me on
Instagram. I love seeing your stories.
And if you're ready for support that focuses on the dog in front

(05:21):
of you, not the one that the Internet expects you to have,
book a free console using the link in the description.
You're doing more right than youthink, and your dog feels every
bit of the effort that you're making.
We'll see you next time on Straight Up Dog.