Why Obedience Training Didn’t Help My Reactive Dog

Still feeling stuck, even after doing everything “right” with your reactive dog?
You’re not alone—and the problem might not be your dog. It might be the pressure to perform.

In this raw, revealing solo episode of Straight Up Dog Talk, Em shares the story of the moment she took the E-collar off her dog Fitz—for good. After months of strict obedience, tools, and trying to “fix” reactivity, the breakthrough didn’t come from more control. It came from presence, compassion, and letting go of the shame.

You’ll hear:
• Why obedience training can sometimes increase reactivity in sensitive dogs
• The moment that shifted Em’s entire perspective on dog behavior
• What actually created calm and trust for Fitz (hint: not more structure)
• Why releasing the pressure helped both Em and her dog feel safe again

Whether you’re deep in reactivity, navigating burnout, or just feeling overwhelmed by dog parenting—this episode is an invitation to pause. Reframe. And remember: your worth isn’t tied to your dog’s behavior.

Straight Up Dog Talk Extras:

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Book FREE 15-minute call with Em

⁠⁠https://straightupdogtalk.hbportal.co/schedule/68cdb369ba20a30034591cd9⁠⁠

Email ⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠ to get in touch with Em

This podcast explores real-life dog behavior and training, diving into reactivity, barking, dog anxiety, aggression, picky eating, gut health, and dog food—while unpacking enrichment, mental stimulation, supplements, calming aids, and holistic pet wellness. Whether you’re raising a rescue dog, supporting a senior dog, managing a velcro dog, or just navigating life with a dog who’s asking for more, you’ll find practical tools to build trust, strengthen communication, and create a safe, thriving life together.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I thought being a good dog parent meant doing everything
right, but my dog never asked for that.
He was asking for me Welcome. Come to Straight up Dog Talk,
the podcast for real dog people who need more than filtered

(00:20):
advice. I'm M dog trainer, canine
nutritionist, enrichment specialist, and lifelong
advocate for big feeling dogs and the people doing their best
to love and support them. Each week we talk about what
really matters because you and your dog deserve honesty,
support, and connection. Whether you're here for help,
healing, or just a dose of me too, you're in the right place.

(00:41):
If you've ever felt like no matter how hard you try, it's
never enough, this episode is today.
I'm sharing the moment I stoppedchasing perfection as a pet
parent, how that decision changed everything for me and
fits, and how it became the first step in the journey that
led me here to becoming a trainer, launching this podcast,
and building something real. By the end of this episode,

(01:02):
you'll understand why perfectionis often a trauma response, not
a training plan. How our dogs reflect the
pressure we put on ourselves, and what happened when I stopped
managing behavior and started building trust.
I used to think that if I just followed all the rules, used all
the right tools, stayed one stepahead of the behavior, stayed

(01:23):
consistent and calm, I'd finallybe good at this.
I'd feel in control. Other people would see me as
capable, maybe even impressive. But underneath that was fear.
Fear that I wasn't doing enough.Fear that if I didn't get it
right, I'd fail my dog. Fear that I'd be judged for
having a dog who is reactive, loud, and unpredictable.

(01:44):
I didn't realize it at the time,but I had turned pet parenting
into a performance. Every walk, every training
session, every moment outside the house, I was constantly
evaluating myself. Was I doing enough?
Was he behaving well enough? Were we safe from judgment?
Fitz had been on an E collar fora few months.
We didn't start using it until he was almost a year old because

(02:07):
I had already tried everything else people had told me to, and
I still felt like I was failing him.
At first the caller gave me a false sense of control, but over
time I saw things I couldn't ignore.
He was still reacting, he was still barking, he was still
terrified. The E caller didn't remove the
fear, it just punished the expression of it.

(02:28):
I remember 1 moment so clearly. It was in a parking lot at our
old apartment complex. A quiet A person walked by and
Fitz exploded, even with the E collar on, even with all of the
training sessions. And I just froze.
Not because of his behavior, butbecause I could feel people
staring. I was so ashamed.

(02:49):
And in that split second it hit me.
If this isn't helping him feel safer, what are we even doing?
That moment over five years ago was the crack in everything I
thought I knew because for the first time I saw the issue
wasn't him. It was the approach.
Fitz didn't need more correction.
He needed comfort. He didn't need obedience.

(03:10):
He needed understanding. And I had been so focused on
fixing the behavior, I missed what he was trying to tell me.
I didn't know it then, but that moment in the parking lot
changed my life. It was the first time I
questioned the kind of advice I was taking, the first time I
gave myself permission to look for something different, to say.

(03:31):
Maybe this doesn't feel right, because it isn't.
I started reading more, learningabout emotional regulation,
nervous systems, behavior science.
I wasn't trying to become a trainer at that point.
I just wanted to help my dog without hurting him.
But that moment, that shift in perspective, was the first real
step that led me here, to this podcast, to this career, to this

(03:53):
version of myself. Once I took the collar off and
started listening to him insteadof managing him, everything
began to shift. I started asking what helps him
feel safe, what reduces his stress instead of suppressing
it. What do I want our life to feel
like, not just look like? And what I found was this.
When I relaxed, he relaxed. When I was regulated, he

(04:17):
responded. When I stopped bracing US
against the world, so did he. Training didn't become easier
overnight, but it became clearerI wasn't trying to prove
anything anymore. I was just trying to build
something real. Looking back, I truly believe
Fitz was never the wrong dog. He was the exact dog I needed.
Because without him, I would have stayed stuck in

(04:39):
perfectionism. I would have kept striving to
meet expectations that never fitmy life or his.
He's the reason I let go of performance, of pressure, of
fear. And when I did, I got us back.
So if you're stuck in that cycleof striving, fixing, and
constantly questioning yourself,I see you.
You're not alone. You're not failing.

(05:01):
Your dog doesn't need to be perfect.
They need you to be present, andyou deserve to feel safe enough
to show up that way. If this episode spoke to you,
please share it with someone whoneeds to hear it.
Leave us a review on your favorite platform or tag me on
Instagram. I love seeing your stories.
And if you're ready for support that focuses on the dog in front

(05:21):
of you, not the one that the Internet expects you to have,
book a free console using the link in the description.
You're doing more right than youthink, and your dog feels every
bit of the effort that you're making.
We'll see you next time on Straight Up Dog.