Why Pleasing People Is Hurting Your Dog Training Progress

Ever feel like you're constantly explaining or apologizing for your reactive dog?

Whether it’s family pushing boundaries, strangers giving unsolicited advice, or that constant pressure to be polite—many reactive dog parents feel stuck between protecting their dog and pleasing others. In this empowering episode, Em shares the moment she stopped asking for permission—and started showing up as her dog’s advocate, with confidence and clarity.

You'll Learn:

• Learn real-world advocacy scripts to use with family, strangers, or even professionals

• Understand how saying “no” can deepen your training results and your dog’s trust

• Shift out of shame and into calm, confident leadership—even when others don’t “get it”

Press play and reclaim your right to advocate for your dog—without guilt, shame, or over-explaining.

Straight Up Dog Talk Extras:

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Email [e-mail] to get in touch with Em

This podcast explores real-life dog behavior and training, diving into reactivity, barking, dog anxiety, aggression, picky eating, gut health, and dog food—while unpacking enrichment, mental stimulation, supplements, calming aids, and holistic pet wellness. Whether you’re raising a rescue dog, supporting a senior dog, managing a velcro dog, or just navigating life with a dog who’s asking for more, you’ll find practical tools to build trust, strengthen communication, and create a safe, thriving life together.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I used to say Fitz was just a lot.
Big feelings, big reactions, bigenergy, the kind of dog that you
constantly had to manage. And for a long time I really
believed that until 1 moment shattered that story and I
realized he wasn't too much. He was scared, he was struggling
and I hadn't seen it. Welcome to Straight Up Dog Talk,

(00:31):
the podcast where no topic is off limits and no pet parent
feels alone. I'm EM, dog trainer,
nutritionist, and retired vet tech, and I'm here to talk about
the real stuff. The guilt, the grief, the
breakthroughs, and everything inbetween.
Whether you're deep in the trenches or just starting your
journey, this is a safe space for big feeling dogs and the

(00:52):
people who love them. Let's get into it.
There's this label that people use for dogs all of the time.
He's a lot, she's too much. They're reactive, stubborn,
difficult, high energy. There are so many labels that we
use to identify our dogs based on how we feel about our dogs

(01:13):
through frustration. But underneath that label is
often something much deeper, something that gets missed when
we only focus on their behavior and our emotions.
Today I'm sharing the story of the moment I realized Fitz
wasn't a lot, he was in distress, and how that moment
changed everything. How I trained, how I saw him,

(01:38):
and how I saw myself. In today's episode, you'll learn
the difference between big behaviour and emotional
distress. How we misread our dog's needs
when we focus only on output, why nervous system regulation is
more important than structure, and how this realization helped
me build trust and finally support Fitz.

(01:59):
Back then, I was still telling myself a very specific story.
Fitz is just a high energy dog. He needs more structure.
He needs more exercise, more rules, more consistency, more
me. I walked him constantly.
We trained all of the time. I kept thinking he just needs to
burn it off. We need to stay ahead of the

(02:20):
outbursts. But no matter how hard I tried,
no matter how much I structured our days, he didn't calm down.
He couldn't rest. He was always on and I was
burning out trying to manage allof it.
I thought, well this is just thekind of dog that I have, but I
was wrong. One day we had just come back

(02:42):
from a long walk. It had gone pretty well.
We avoided all of the big triggers and he was taking food
on the walk. I thought we had done everything
right, but as soon as we got home, Fitz started pacing and
barking, then spinning circles in the hallway.
I tried to redirect him and he looked right through me like I

(03:03):
wasn't even there. And then he sat down, stared out
the window and started trembling, not reacting, just
shaking. And that is the moment that it
hit me. This isn't defiance, this isn't
energy. This is distress.
He wasn't hyper, he was dysregulated.
He wasn't being difficult. He was overwhelmed.

(03:26):
He wasn't stubborn. He was scared.
And I missed it completely. That moment cracked everything
open because suddenly I wasn't looking at a problem dog.
I was looking at an animal who had been trying to tell me for
months, years, that the world didn't feel safe to him, and I
had been unintentionally making it harder by flooding him with

(03:50):
things that he wasn't ready for.From that point forward, I
stopped asking how do I get him to stop doing this, and started
asking, what is he trying to say?
That shift from control to communication changed everything
for us. I didn't need to fix him, I
needed to listen to him. We paused the training drills.

(04:11):
We stopped going on structured walks every day.
We focused on decompression, on giving him space, on helping his
nervous system breathe again. I started blocking the window,
setting up calm routines, sayingno to activities that didn't
serve him, even if they were what good dogs we're supposed to

(04:33):
enjoy. And slowly, he started to trust
me again. He looked to me instead of
looking away or through me. He began to rest, not because I
was in control, but because he finally felt safe.
What I want you to know if you're listening to this and
you've got a dog who feels like they're a lot, is to ask

(04:54):
yourself, is it behavior or is it communication?
Because maybe they're not being bad, maybe they're overwhelmed,
maybe they're scared. Maybe they've been asking for
help this whole time and no one has hurt them yet.
It's OK if you didn't see it at first.
I didn't either. But once you do, you can't Unsee

(05:17):
it, and you can't go back to theway things were because now you
know better, and now you get to do better.
If this episode hit home for you, I'd love for you to share
it with someone else who might be missing what their dog is
trying to say. And if you're not sure what your
dog is telling you, start small.Start by observing.
Start by slowing down. Start by trusting what you see,

(05:40):
even if it goes against what youhave been taught.
You are not too late, and your dog is not too much.
They just might be struggling and they're lucky to have
someone who's starting to see. Remember, you are not alone on
this journey and I am always accessible to you.
Please don't hesitate to reach out with questions or even if

(06:01):
you just need to vent a little bit about your situation and I
will see you next time.