Episode 34 - Self-Love

This episode was inspired by Michelle’s reading of Matthew Hussey’s book Love Life. We share our thoughts on self-love and explore some of Matthew’s ideas on self-love. Robyn gets some more sleep and Michelle goes to see Jordan Rakei.

Recorded on November 10th, 2024

Timestamps:

(0:20) Intro (0:47) Robyn’s check-in (4:28) Michelle’s check-in (11:20) Main topic: Self-love (27:50) Could having core confidence stop us from doing things? (41:29) Focusing on the day-to-day (51:33) Building core confidence (1:06:03) Do we need to tap into who we are? (1:11:36) Our intentions (1:14:13) Outro

Resources, references, and further exploration:

Ben Fensome’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/somebenfen/?hl=en Jordan Rakei: https://www.jordanrakei.com/#/ Katie Tupper: https://www.katietuppermusic.com/

Books mentioned:

Love Life by Matthew Hussey: https://www.harpercollins.ca/9780063294387/love-life/

Quotes, ideas, and insights:

Selected quotes from Love Life: “We have tried in these pages to rebrand love, to move love from the world of feeling and plant it firmly in the territory of doing. It’s the difference between love, the noun, and to love, the verb, a shift that’s so important it’s even right there in the title of this book. This change helps us set aside how we feel about someone and look instead at what they are actually doing—how much are they investing in us, and what are they doing to progress, nurture, and safeguard the relationship? This shift is just as necessary when it comes to loving ourselves. Too often romantic love is the model for loving ourselves, and that’s precisely why it’s not working. We have it backward. Loving yourself isn’t the goal; it’s the action. Self-love is the starting line. Core confidence is not just a one-time epiphany; it’s a practice, with immediate daily application. It’s actually something you can get better at.” - Page 196 “But when we stop thinking of love in terms of hormonal waves of feeling, and start thinking of love as a verb, we can stop worrying about liking ourselves as a precondition for self-love. Loving ourselves comes first. “Loving ourselves” is proactive here. In this rebrand, we have to start seeing the word loving in this phrase as interchangeable with “taking care of,” “investing in,” “encouraging,” “nurturing,” and “standing up for.” Self-love is a verb.” - Page 197 “Look at how much time we spend worrying about other people and how we treat them. Was I polite enough? Did I talk too much? Did I tip enough? I hope what I said yesterday didn’t upset my sister. I need to call that friend to check in with how he is. Meanwhile, we barely consider how we treat ourselves. We may value being kind to others, but how often do we think of kindness as something we should extend to the person on our driver’s license? We carefully monitor how much we ask of colleagues, then dump a completely unmanageable to-do list on ourselves. We encourage friends knowing it helps them thrive, then berate ourselves for underperforming. We shower people with gratitude for the things they’ve done for us, then barely acknowledge the bravery and sacrifice it’s taken us to get to this point in life. Instead, whenever we have a quiet moment, we pinpoint the exact instances in our personal history where we have failed ourselves and others.” - Page 199 “Imagine someone asking you why you love yourself, and you shaking your head just like the parent who says, “Because that’s my kid.” It has nothing to do with how great you are. No traits, attributes, or achievements are necessary. “Because I’m my person,” you say, as if it were completely obvious. Because, when you think about it, it is.” - Page 201 “This is why