Welcome back loves! Today we’re talking about repair, not the home-repair kind but the way we mend hurts or missteps with the people we love. Think of it like kintsugi: the cracks don’t ruin the pot, they become the gold. This episode walks through why repair matters, how it actually works, and how repair attempts can make relationships deeper and more beautiful.
We break repair down into practical steps you can try right away using the Relationship Repair Ladder.
Repair Ladder Steps:
- Pause and regulate
- Acknowledge impact
- Take responsibility
- Express care and commitment
- Collaborative repair
- Reconnect
Some fixes are 30 seconds (a quick apology and a hug), and some take months of intentional work. Both are repair. Both matter.
We also dig into why “sweeping things under the rug” sometimes seems to work, why timing and nervous-system regulation are real and necessary, and how patterns of small un-repaired slights can grow into walls and estrangement. Boundaries vs. walls, resentment vs. protection — we talk about those differences and how to keep love and self-respect in balance.
If you want a real-life model, we share a careful, staged reconciliation process (think reading a book together, listening without interruption, and giving everyone time to sit with what they heard).
These are the tools Bryan used with his parents -
Book: It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn
Desmond Tutu's Four-Part Reconciliation Process:
- Tell the story (an uninterrupted recount of your experience)
- Name the hurt (give voice to the feelings that arose)
- Grant forgiveness (release anger and resentment toward the other)
- Renew or release the relationship (decide on the future of the relationship)
So if a relationship in your life feels strained, this episode is your friendly, practical guide to trying again. Reach out, take one small rung on the repair ladder, and remember: repair is hard, but it’s also how we make love stronger. Try it with someone you care about and see what gold appears.
Connect with Us:
- Sarah Koch: @radintimacy | radintimacy.com
- Bryan Russell: @sadhanayogaschool | sadhanayoga.com
- Suggest a topic: DM us or email podcast@radintimacy.com
Subscribe & Share: If this episode moved you, subscribe wherever you listen and share it with someone who might love it too. Let’s grow this beautiful, curious, intimate community—together. 💛
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.