The Anxious To Secure PODCAST
Welcome to Anxious to Secure - the podcast for anyone who feels anxious in love and wants to feel calm, confident, and connected. If you’re chasing an emotionally unavailable (Avoidant) partner… If you’re attaching out of fear, not love… Your relationship is running on survival mode. (I’ve been there - and it can change.) 🤍 I’m Jula: an anxious attachment coach + certified life coach. In just 6 months, I became a more secure version of myself 🫳🏻🎤 Now I help you stop overthinking every text and feel safe, even when your partner pulls away. If you’re tired of the doubt, panic, and never feeling enough: this is for you. Let’s get you into your Secure Era. 🖤
Episodes
Ever catch yourself thinking… “Did I do something wrong?” “They’re pulling away... what if they’re losing interest?” “This relationship feels OFF, but I don’t know why.”
You’re not “too much.” You’re not dramatic. You might just be stuck in cognitive distortions...sneaky thought patterns that fuel anxious attachment and make you feel unsafe in love
In this episode, I’ll walk you through the 5 most common cognitive distortions ...
This episode is for you if you’re in the breakup loops and trying to heal and move through it. You said you were DONE. You swore you wouldn’t reach out again.
But now you're spiraling. Checking their last seen. Reading old messages. Feeling that sick ache in your chest like you need them back just to feel okay.
When you have anxious attachment, a breakup doesn’t feel like “losing a relationship.” It feels like rejection, abandon...
Ever spiral after a text delay? Feel rejected by a vibe shift? Think “this ALWAYS happens” - even if it’s just once?
That’s not you being “crazy” or “too much.” It’s your brain running on ✨anxious survival mode✨ whispering LIES it thinks will protect you 😳
In this episode, we’re calling out the 6 BIGGEST cognitive distortions your anxious brain tells you when it feels unsafe - and giving them a loving reality check
You’ll lear...
“I’m not trying to control you… I’m just scared.”
If you’ve ever wished your avoidant partner really understood what’s happening inside your body when they pull away…
This episode is for you
It’s a love letter from your anxious attachment style to the person who feels hard to reach.
And maybe… You’ll want to share it with them 💌 Not to convince or fix anything - but to finally FEEL SEEN.
What’s inside this episode:
🫂 5 powerful...
You thought you had finally learned the lesson. You told your friends, “I’m DONE with emotionally unavailable people.” You even went to therapy. Bought the book. Blocked the ex. But somehow… here you are again… F
alling for someone who: ➞ Pulls away when it gets deep ➞ Says “I’m just not ready right now” ➞ Makes you feel like you're “too much” just for wanting clarity 🩹🚪
It feels like you’re dating the same person in a different...
Have you ever felt stuck in a relationship where you're doing everything to make it work… but the more you try, the more distant they become?
Today, we’re diving into the viral anxious-avoidant trap through the lens of a very public couple: Dejon and Megan from Love Island UK 2025.
Yes, the ones who:✔️ Became boyfriend and girlfriend super fast ✔️ Claimed to be the "strongest couple" ✔️ Were dumped right before the final — after ...
"Hey… it’s me. The avoidant partner you never quite understood." This episode is different 🖤 It’s a letter from Avoidant Attachment… to Anxious Attachment.
To the part of you that’s been chasing, aching, spiraling not knowing why they keep pulling away 🪞
If you’ve ever felt like: ✨ “Why do they shut down when I get close?” ✨ “Why do they ghost, avoid, or seem cold especially when I need them the most?” ✨ “Why does it feel like th...
If your breakup feels like the end of the world 🌪 If your chest physically aches… If your brain knows it’s over but your body is still begging for one more text… This episode is for you 🖤
I’m walking you through 10 steps to emotionally detach from your ex - in a way that feels safe, slow, and actually doable when you're stuck in the spiral.
Because detachment isn’t about going numb. It’s not about deleting your feelings or preten...
Why do breakups hurt SO much more when you have an anxious attachment style?
If you’ve been stuck in a breakup spiral, thinking about them 24/7, scrolling through old messages, checking their social media, and replaying every single moment in your head… you’re not alone.
But here’s the truth:
if you have an anxious attachment style, heartbreak isn’t just heartbreak. It feels like withdrawal. It feels like you’ve lost your safety ...
Have you ever wondered why your avoidant partner pulls away the second you get close? Why he goes quiet after a great date, or suddenly needs “space” when things feel perfect?
This episode is for YOU if you’ve ever caught yourself thinking: ✔ “What did I do wrong?” ✔ “Why does he shut down instead of talking about it?” ✔ “How do I make him stay… without feeling like I’m chasing him?”
I’m breaking down the 7 things women (or anyo...
If you've ever thought... “Why don’t I feel like a priority in my relationship?” “Why do I spiral the moment they cancel plans or go quiet?” “Why is my Avoidant Attached partner always me feel I don't matter..”
Then this episode is for you:
In today’s deep-dive, I break down: ✶ Why your brain + nervous system are constantly scanning for signs you don’t matter ✶ The self-fulfilling prophecy of “I’m not important” ✶ How anxiou...
3-min Attachment Quiz, to KNOW your attachment with certainty:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
You’ve done everything to feel better in your relationship, right?
✅ You journal. ✅ You listen to nervous system experts. ✅ You know you're anxiously attached. ✅ You meditate, you breathe, you even go to therapy or coaching...
And STILL - you feel constantly on edge 🧨
Still overthinking, still triggered, stil...
NEW OFFER
Monthly 1:1 Coaching (2x Calls a month)
“5 Phrases I BANNED from My Vocabulary While Healing Anxious Attachment 🧠✨ (And What I Say Instead Now as a Secure Partner)”
Ever said “He makes me feel anxious” or “They NEVER show up for me”? Yep... me too 🖤
But once I started healing my anxious attachment, I realized something BIG: It wasn’t just my thoughts that were spiraling. It was the words I was ...
Free Attachment Style Quiz:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
If you struggle with anxiety in relationships... If your emotions feel like they’re too much... If you overthink, spiral, or shut down when you're triggered...
This episode is for you 🖤
You’ll learn a simple, science-backed 3-step formula to process emotions in a healthy way.. in just 90 seconds. YES, really. ⏱
Yes, this is the process how to...
Have you ever thought…
“I know my partner loves me, so why do I still spiral over a delayed text?”
“Why does my body feel like it’s under attack - even when nothing’s wrong?”
Or why can't I feel calm when Im telling myself to calm down?
In this episode, I’m sharing something that changed the way I see my own anxiety..and my body.
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk helped me finally connect the dots between my sile...
I remember one night… I was crying. Not loudly. Just quietly. Silently. And he didn’t even look up.
I didn’t need him to fix it. I just needed him to care. To ask. To hold me. To see me.
But instead.. I felt invisible. Like I was too sensitive… or just not enough to be comforted.
That moment? It stuck with me. Not because of what he did — but because of the old wound it reopened.
If you’ve ever felt that ache like your partner’s ...
3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
🖤 Attachment LIBRARY:
FREE Attachment LIBRARY
(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
🖤 1:1 Support + Courses:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
I used to think healing anxious attachment would take YEARS. Therapy forever. Reading every book. Never quite getting “there.”
...
🖤 3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
🖤 Attachment LIBRARY:
FREE Attachment LIBRARY
(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
🖤 1:1 Support + Courses:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
I once threw a remote across the room. 😮💨 I’m not proud of it..BUT I also don’t shame that version of me anymore.
Back the...
If you’re anxiously attached and feel like you’re RUINING every good relationship... this episode might just be your wake-up call
🖤 Do you chase closeness when your partner pulls away? 🖤 Do you try to FIX the disconnection… by doing MORE? 🖤 Do you spiral in your head wondering “Did I say something wrong?” 🖤 Are you exhausted from overgiving, overthinking, and over performing… and STILL feeling unsafe in love?
You're not craz...
- Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ
- Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ...
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