In this episode, guest Christina Packard shares her insights on managing family expectations when bringing home a new baby. She emphasizes the importance of emotional and mental preparation, as well as having a support system in place. Christina also discusses how to prepare young children for the arrival of a new sibling and the significance of establishing family traditions. She offers advice on budgeting for a growing family and encourages mothers to be honest, patient, and kind to themselves. The episode concludes with a reminder to find joy in the journey of motherhood.
CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction 00:54 Preparing for the Arrival of a New Baby 07:21 Establishing Family Traditions 10:32 Changes and Challenges of Growing a Family 14:18 Managing Expectations and Budgeting 22:03 Preparing Hearts and Minds for Birth 25:22 Taking One Step at a Time 28:25 Mom Squad Secret and Closing
RESOURCES Hatching Jenni Quilter Moby Wrap Baby Carrier | Classic | Baby Wrap Carrier for Newborns & Infants Ergo 360 All-position Baby Carrier Ergobaby Infant Insert (7-12 lbs) How to Hug a Porcupine Womb Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Sarah J. Buckley Book Quote - “Honoring the natural rhythms of birth and parenting allows us to connect more deeply with our instincts and with our children.” "Book Quote - “Gentle discipline is about guiding your child with kindness and respect, helping them to understand the impact of their actions without fear or punishment.” “Set boundaries with love and consistency, helping your child to learn and grow in a safe and supportive environment.”" Parenting with Love and Logic “It’s not our job to protect children from all of life’s challenges, but to help them learn how to navigate those challenges with confidence.”
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
It's the Best Birth Podcast, wherewe interview experts that elevate
you as you prepare your heartand mind to have the best birth.
Each episode will interviewprofessionals so you are prepared
for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
Our experts will build your confidenceand empower you to trust your
intuition throughout your pregnancy.
This audio is takenfrom videos on YouTube.
(00:27):
Watch the entire episodes onYouTube at Birth Made Mindful.
Best Birth [00:01]
Welcome to the Best Birth podcast.
We're here today with guest ChristinaPackard to talk all about managing family
expectations for bringing home a new baby.
Christina Packard is a writer andbirth educator for Birth Made Mindful.
Christina loves gardening,home setting, and embroidery.
(00:49):
She speaks French and enjoys teachingher husband and her children French.
Christina has an establishedinsect collection.
She's also musical.
She's a singer, piano, and trumpet player.
She finds a thrill inanything DIY or craft related.
She is the hardworkingmother of six children.
So along with her work, talentsand hobbies, she's also a chef,
(01:10):
chauffeur, cleaner and cruise director.
Wow, Christina, six children.
You definitely have experiencemanaging those expectations
when bringing a baby home.
Christina Packard [00:47]
Hopefully, yeah, we'vedone it a couple of times.
The Best Birth [00:53]
Well, we want to jump right in andkind of start from the beginning.
So when you are a new parent, so, youknow, just two people together kind of
(01:32):
preparing their lives for the entranceof a new baby, what would you recommend
as the way to prepare for this event?
Christina Packard [01:11]
That's an excellent question.
I think there's a lot ofmonetary and physical things
people think to prepare for.
They have the car seat in the car.
They have a stroller.
Maybe they've purchaseda baby carrier or a wrap.
(01:52):
But I think something really importantto remember is that when they send you
home with an infant, someone who is yourgenetic, biological flesh and blood, or
if you're adopting someone that you'veprayed for and worked for having, then
you have a small infant in your home.
and everything is going to feel magnified.
Everything's going to feel large.
I remember when we brought ourfirst baby home, our baby will
(02:13):
be 15 in a couple of weeks here.
We put her down in the bed and we justlooked at her and said, how did they
let us leave the hospital with her?
There's no instructionbook, there's no manual.
And you know, we thought,okay, we got this.
We've done the last fourdays in the hospital.
She's ready to go.
We have her.
And I remember that first night webrought her home, we put her on the bed.
We both took a nap right away.
All three of us were exhausted.
(02:33):
And then we woke up to feed her.
And when we fed her, my milk was in.
It hadn't come in yet.
My milk was in.
And she drank so heavily that shevomited, not just like spit up, she
vomited and it was coming out her nose.
And so she was chokingand she was gasping.
And I remember just being like,do we call the hospital again?
Like, do we call 911?
And we just looked at each other.
We took a big deep breath.
We got the little bulb syringe.
(02:54):
So I think the things to prepare for arereally difficult to name, to list off.
But I think the most importantthing is to kind of have...
a sense of reality that you're not gonnahave all the answers, you're not gonna be
prepared for everything that's going on,you're not probably even gonna have all
the tools physically with you, but havingresources like a supportive partner, a
(03:14):
friend that you can call on, a mother,mother -in -law, sister, someone that you
feel like has maybe some birth experienceor some other experience, those are good
people, so that when she throws up again,or when there's an explosive diaper and
she can't seem to keep anything down,
or when he's colicky and won't stopcrying and you fed and burped and
swaddled and changed the bathes andyou've done everything you can, then
(03:36):
you can rely on someone to kind of walkyou through those difficult moments.
For baby number one, I think somethingreally important to do too is try to have
as many things in your home as you canso you don't feel like you have to leave.
Whether you or your partner leaveseparately, individually, they ask
someone else to come and do it, there'sa lot of delivery services nowadays.
But having as many diapers and wipesas you think is necessary for those
(03:59):
first weeks, having, like we just talkedabout, a bulb syringe or something to
get the snot and the mucus out of thebaby's nose and mouth, having those
things in your home in presence willlet you have a peace of mind that if
you did have something come up thatyou were expecting or preparing for,
that you would have it at the ready andyou don't have to run out and get it.
The Best Birth [03:51]
(04:20):
I think that's so important.
Like the emotions that you feelwith your partner, when neither
of you know what you're doing.
And then all of a sudden you almostfeel like you have a medical situation
or just, you know, a screaming baby.
And you wonder what havewe gotten ourselves into?
I remember so many like middleof the night discussions where
(04:40):
we would try to find the answers.
And so just to maybe establishing firstand foremost that you're in it together.
Both of you are new and you are going totake it one step at a time, focusing at
the problem that's right in front of you.
Christina Packard [04:27]
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, it's good if I.
The Best Birth [04:31]
And how do you prepare youngchildren for this new baby to come
(05:01):
home from the hospital if it's amultiple or your second or third?
Christina Packard [04:38]
Yeah, that's a great question too.
I think children are very intuitive.
I think they can sense and feel theenergy and emotions of parents when
they, whether it's through the pregnancyor later on in the pregnancy when
the mom's really showing and reallyhaving a harder time bending down and
tying that baby's shoes or puttingon their snow boots or snow pants.
(05:22):
So I think a lot of children, regardlessof how far apart you're spacing your
children, kind of pick up on that.
They begin to know something's changing,something's different in the family.
At least for us, we had...
five children in eight years.
So our first five are two years apart.
And then we had a five yeargap between my fifth and sixth.
So there's very different things thatI can share with you throughout that.
(05:43):
But I think between the first and second,we really made sure that our first knew
that there were going to be changes,that things were going to be different.
We talked very honestly and openly.
And, you know, of course, ather level, we weren't talking
to her as if she was a teenager.
We were talking to her as ifshe was an almost two year old.
You're reminding her,you know, when things are
when mom comes home next time,you know, and because we didn't
(06:03):
really have a scheduled plan aboutwhen that birth would happen.
Most people, even when they havea scheduled C -section or even
when they have an induction, theydon't even know if and when that
baby's gonna come home with them.
But saying, you know, here's alittle baby doll or here's a little
stuffy animal or something thatthey can hold and cuddle, practicing
being kind and gentle, soft touch.
(06:23):
There is a very strong tendency forolder children to feel jealousy.
And like Sarah was talkingabout, there's a lot of emotions.
Parenting is emotionally invested,opportunity, employment, sport,
whatever word you want to put there.
There's so many things that you'refeeling that you've never before felt.
If you're a family of three and thenyou become a family of four, you'll
never know what that will feel again,adding a second baby to number one.
And so really reminding that oldestchild that they are important, they're
(06:46):
valued, they're still such a valuablepart of your life and your emotions and
your decisions to bring home this baby.
is a really smart thing to do.
And then something we encourage some ofour friends and family was that when we
come to see the baby, the second baby, tokind of pay attention to that first baby,
whether it's with a gift or a book or aletter or a note, just loves and hugs,
(07:07):
extra attention, so that that first baby,regardless of the age difference, feels
that love from visitors of the new baby.
The Best Birth [06:52]
individual care for each of yourchildren really makes them feel valued.
I remember reading a book that talkedabout having, you know, a 10 minute
period every day for each child.
And that's for the mom to spend with thatchild or the dad to spend with that child.
(07:30):
So they're really feelinglike their tank is full.
They don't have to express their emotions,taking it out on their younger sibling
saying, Hey, what I really need ismy mom or dad to pay attention to me.
And so what I'm goingto do is hit this baby.
Christina Packard [07:20]
Mmm.
The Best Birth [07:20]
And so that is such an importantthing to remember is that like those
little children, they need a lot ofreassurance that you still care for
(07:53):
them, that you are still willing to puteverything aside to be there for them.
Something we've done over theyears is adapt the bedtime routine.
And a big component is talk time.
And my oldest son looksforward to that every night.
He is a little worried when we can'thave it and we have, or we have to
shorten it, but I think that's a good.
(08:13):
time to interact with them one on one.
It's so amazing that you're ableto share with us how you've managed
your expectations, how you have,you know, included your children
in bringing home additional babies.
Let's talk about how some of thoselike everyday expectations have
changed as you have grown your family.
Christina Packard [08:10]
That's an excellent question.
(08:34):
And I think something else thatSarah brought up is that when we are
thinking about the emotional aspect ofa child trying to relate to that other
baby or that other child, it's verydifficult to try to say, this is anger,
this is sadness, this is jealousy.
But maybe, and I read an excellentbook about just talking to the child
at their level and saying, I'm mad, I'mmad, I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm feeling
(08:58):
jealous, I want time with mom insteadof baby, I'm jealous, I'm jealous.
and saying over and over becausea child's brain and the way that
this doctor presented it wasthat it was like a Neanderthal.
So I think in response to thisquestion, with the expectations of
having different ages of children,making sure as was mentioned with the
talk time and was giving 10 minutesof individual valued time for each
(09:20):
child, making sure that every childwhere they're at is experiencing the
love and affection and the needs fromthe parent, which is so difficult.
I was telling a friend that when webrought home Eames, he's my sixth baby,
I've never had a high schooler,a kindergartener, and a newborn.
In three weeks, we had a highschool, a kindergarten, and a
newborn all at the same time.
(09:40):
And it was a lot for us.
And we felt like, wow, thisis a lot to handle at once.
You know, we've never hada child go to high school.
We've never had our almostlast baby start kindergarten.
So all the children were in school.
And this was a very new thing.
So we dropped all the kids off at school.
My husband was on maternity leave.
We came home and we just lookedat each other and we promptly
fell asleep because we had been.
so tired from that summer, wetried to pack so much in before
(10:02):
we brought home this new baby.
And then we did, we had a lot ofconversations through my pregnancy with
my last saying, you know, this is goingto be harder because we're all older,
we're going to remember it more, we'regoing to have more remembrances of what
the baby's like coming to the hospital.
You know, my other children, myoldest was not yet nine when we
brought home her youngest sister.
And so that's a big gap between nineand 14 to remember and have these.
(10:26):
these bonding moments withyour youngest sibling.
So I think we had a lot ofexpectations that, you know, having
another C -section, I wouldn't beable to be up and about right away.
We did do a lot of fun things.
We did hikes, we went to the balloon glow,we went to the zoo, into the aquarium.
I try to keep myself as active aspossible to help stave off the feelings of
postpartum depression or anxiety, but alsohelp talking about the mother's health
(10:49):
and the needs of the mother and makingsure that the expectations are, you know,
when mom needs to sleep with the baby.
then we're gonna try to keepthe house a little quiet.
We have a rule that we're never superquiet when the baby's sleeping, because
we don't want our kids to only getused to sleeping in complete silence,
because it's an unrealistic expectationwhen you have eight people in a home to
always be quiet when the baby lays down.
But at least giving mom and baby a littlebit of that reprieve from the expectations
(11:13):
of laundry, meals, having to entertain,or having to keep the kids quiet, that's
a nice thing to talk about, especiallywith older children who can help.
and sustain some ofthose responsibilities.
I think another thing that we talkedabout in expectations was just
making sure that they were carefuland gentle and loving and nice
with their baby brother or sister.
(11:34):
Because even though they're not quitein that jealousy phase of maybe they're
going to slap the baby on the head ormaybe they're going to try to smother
it with a blanket, there still is a lotof emotions of mom is taking so much
time for this new creature, this newbaby, this new person in our family that
they were feeling a little left out.
So having expectations that we loveyou and we want you in this family and
you're vitally important, but sometimesthe needs of an infant override the
(11:58):
needs of a 10 -year -old who can makehis own quesadilla at night for a snack.
The Best Birth [11:42]
Yeah, you always hear that like thenewborn stage like that postpartum period
the fourth trimester is so hard But thenadding on all of your other children it
just feels like an impossible task foreverybody to get the sleep that they
(12:18):
need and The rest and the healing whenyou have other children to to manage
Thanks so much for sharing some of thosetips on just like how you were able
to make that happen And you know justsetting the stage before it comes about
so that everybody is prepared withwhat reality will look like for a time.
(12:39):
Are there any other changes that come tomind with growing your family and having
more people in a home that change things?
Christina Packard [12:24]
Yeah, I think a lot of people,families have changed over the last 100
years, last 50 years, last 20 years.
I feel like large families, whatevernumber you put there, can vary from
family to family, person to person.
(13:00):
We have the privilege of knowing a lotof families that have added as they've
had a second relationship and thenthey've added children into that family.
But I think the beauty of bringinghome children to a family is watching
the responsibilities of children tocare for one another and watching
that sweet relationship grow.
And I think that's something that'sreally been lovely for us is watching
(13:21):
our oldest and our youngest, watchingall of the children take responsibility.
I mean, they often fight over the baby.
They often want to be the one to holdthem and to change them and to feed them.
But making sure that like there'sthat bond and that connectivity
between siblings and reminding themthat regardless of where we are
in the world and the friendshipsthat we have at that present time.
(13:43):
when we grow, when we move or when thingschange and shift in a family, those
relationships within a family remain.
And so trying to establish really strongconnections with one another and doing
family traditions like special things onbirthdays or special things for holidays
or trying to really make sure in ourfamily, we have a no exclusion rule.
So when there's a friend over,like right now, my daughter has
(14:05):
a friend over, my daughter isn'tallowed to exclude her siblings
from that stay time with her friend.
If they need to have a momenttogether or be alone, then
those things are appropriate.
But we also really encourage each otherto try to make sure that there's no
hard feeling or harshness or exclusionwhen there's playtime here in our
home, which has allowed our children tobecome really good friends and really
(14:26):
bond and care for one another deeply.
And that compassion and empathy andthat kindness, I think, really shows
strength of character and gives themcourage to face some of the dilemmas
and some of the problems that they'llhave to face as they problem solve
throughout their lives in the world.
The Best Birth [14:17]
Let's talk more aboutthese family traditions.
So when I think back to my own childhood,I can't remember the day to day.
I can hardly remember, you know, likeyear to year, but those family traditions
(14:50):
are something that you will never forget.
So maybe let's share two or threetraditions that you feel like really
have helped your family and youcould give some suggestions for our
listeners on what they could do toestablish some of these traditions.
Christina Packard [14:42]
And traditions are so fun because theycan come out of a lot of thought and
preparation, a lot of timing, or theycan come out of a sporadic moment of
(15:13):
we're just gonna do this every year.
And so one of our traditions that'skind of grown over time is many
years ago, as we talked about havingfive babies in eight years, that
particular year I was very tired.
And so I have all of ourbirthdays except for one are
within seven weeks of each other.
So we call it the birthday summer.
From May until August, we allare packed in there really
tight in those seven weeks.
So instead of wrapping gifts orputting them in bags, we hide them.
(15:37):
And so I gather all the gifts andthen I give them to the kids and
then they get to hide the gifts.
And we typically do it just in likeone or two rooms, a kitchen, living
room, upstairs rooms, bathroom.
And then the child has tocome out and find the gifts.
So it's kind of like an extended Easter.
And they love that.
They absolutely love finding their gifts.
And one time we wrapped them, theysaid, I wanted to find my gift.
So that came out of laziness and out ofme not being able to go down and wrap
(16:00):
the birthday presents for that year.
So that's kind of a fun tradition.
Something that's always fun at holidaysand people that celebrate any holiday,
whether they have a religious preferenceor not, is making traditions revolving,
serving and loving and giving to others.
I don't think there's anythingmore special than watching your
children like work in a soup kitchenor work in a homeless shelter or
(16:21):
pack up meals for a hurricane orthe first aid or first responders.
So we as a family really love to carol.
We go caroling every year and weused to carol at the nursing home.
We would carol inside the nursinghome and we actually learned sign
language for four or five Christmassongs so we could sign to the deaf
people that lived in the nursing home.
(16:42):
Unfortunately, COVID took thatcaroling opportunity away from us
and we haven't been able to comeback, unfortunately, since COVID.
But we love caroling to our neighbors andwe love bringing them a treat and making
sure that they feel loved and wanted.
And then during, not just duringthe holidays, but every month of
the year, we try to find largeopportunities to serve as a family.
whether it's doing yard work, springcleanup, we love to doorbell ditch,
(17:04):
run around to our neighbors and leavelittle candies or leave bookmarks or
homemade cookies, flowers for May Day.
We love to make sure that we are givingback as often as we're receiving.
And I think those traditions ofserving and again, thinking more
of others in that empathy, in thatkindness, in that sympathy, especially
when there's a death in the familyor when there's a sickness or when
(17:25):
someone loses unemployment or a job.
I think teaching ourchildren through tradition,
and some of these things thatwe do really help us to find
strength within our family.
And, you know, I think another traditionthat's really fun to do too is having
everyone write cards to each other.
We kind of talked about that birthday,but having, you know, birthdays and
anniversaries and special days be allabout that person and taking things that
(17:49):
will be able to go from year to year.
And again, it's not all about theamount of presents or the gifts or
the money spent, but a nice, lovelycard and words of appreciation
and affection for that person.
really tend to draw close to one another.
The Best Birth [17:41]
I love how your traditionsreally center on what your family
values and considers important.
(18:10):
What kind of changes haveoccurred financially?
How are we to budget for anotherfamily member when we feel
like we're already stretched?
Christina Packard [17:59]
That's a great question.
And truthfully, when we were goingto have our first child, my husband
was, he had just started school again.
He graduated from ColoradoState University and we didn't
(18:30):
have the resources and thefinances that we thought we did.
During 2008, when the recessionhappened, my husband was also laid off.
And so that put us into a little bitof a struggle where I went back to work
full time and I was teaching piano.
So throughout our married lives, we'vealways had employment, both he and I.
We've always budgeted.
I think the biggest piece ofadvice to give her financially
(18:51):
is always live within your means.
I don't think there's ever a properor right time to have a baby.
I don't think finances will ever, nomatter how many children, no matter
how much money you make, no matter howmany jobs and hours you're putting in
at the office, I don't think there'sever enough money to have a child
because there's so many things thatcome up in that life of that child
(19:12):
that you cannot predict, kind of likewhat we talked about at the beginning.
You can't predict whenthey'll break an arm.
My daughter currently has two broken armsand that was completely unpredictable.
You know, and so you can't budgetout those things, but what you can
do is always live within your means.
So as you're earning moneyevery month, make a plan.
As Dave Ramsey really encourages usto budget, he encourages us to do
(19:33):
all methods or have a spreadsheet,visually see your money coming in and
then every diamond dollar that you'respending, whether it's leisure, you
know, utilities, gas, insurance, food.
And then he encouragesus to save half of it.
So he says, if you're making acertain amount of money every month,
you put away half of that and youpretend like you don't even own it.
It doesn't even come into you.
It's not affecting your income.
(19:54):
So whether that's net orgross is up to the couple.
Excuse me.
And so as you save half ofthat, you put that away.
You put that money right away intowhatever sort of account or CD or
something with a high annual yield.
I think that's been kind ofa trick of my husband and I
whenever we receive a tax return.
or birthday money or like a check fromour escrow or something, an abundance
(20:17):
of whatever it is, we put it all away.
So we pretend like we don'teven have that as an income.
And so then when we have a broken arm orwhen our truck needs a new transmission
or when we have to fix the sliding doorof our van or when we have two broken
arms and our deductible is higher thanwe're ready for, we need a new roof, we
have the money to pay for those things.
(20:37):
So we're not having to put it onto acredit card that we then can't pay off.
and our debt exceeds our income.
So in terms of bringing another babyinto the family, my biggest suggestion
is really living within your means andspending and enjoying life and having
moments where you are going out andcelebrating, but really think about
what is the long -term objective?
Where are the long -term financialgoals and how is this money
(21:00):
working for you to get you there?
Are you feeling strapped everymonth because you're maybe eating
out a couple too many times orperhaps you're having one too many.
drinks or want too many coffees or maybe,at least for me, I know sometimes those
garage sale signs are really addictiveand I see them and I have to pull over.
So saying, okay, I'm only gonna spend$50 at garage sales for the entire
summer and having that budget inmind and then putting in $1 bills
(21:21):
and when it's gone, it's gone.
That's all that you have.
So the key, I think the biggest keyto raising children financially and
successfully is really thinking, how canI make this money not only work for us,
but how am I using this money to benefit
my family and again something that Ialways think about too is am I giving
back and am I serving as much as I'mreceiving and charitable contributions I
(21:43):
think are a way that a lot of people findpersonal wealth and growth management
within their money is how they cangive back to whatever organization
they feel inspired to give to.
I find those are the people that alwaysseem to be very wealthy in very many ways.
The Best Birth [21:40]
You're doing such great workraising children and building a
community inside of your familyand inside of your neighborhood
(22:04):
and your city that you live in.
that's just really incredible.
Well, we want to kind of just wrap upour conversation about expectations.
Is there anything else that you wouldshare with us that can help our listeners
prepare their hearts or their minds tomanage their expectations with birth?
Christina Packard [22:03]
That's a great question.
I think the most beautiful partabout birth is that it's so
individualized and it's so personaland it's also so formative.
(22:26):
It's life altering and changing nomatter how many babies you have,
no matter how many times you becomean aunt or grandma or mom, I think
that you remember those moments.
They're very pivotal.
So being emotionally, mentally andphysically prepared are really important.
But I also think making surethat the people around you
are prepared in a way as well.
For example, if you need help,
(22:46):
from a mother or a grandmother or aneighbor or a friend, talking about
that as well, getting a village or atribe, people talk about having people
around you and whatever that lookslike to you, asking someone for help
making freezer meals before you havethe baby or asking someone to help take
your children for a couple of hours ina week and then returning the favor.
(23:06):
So saying, I know that when Ibring my baby home, I'm gonna
have about a six week period thatI can't do as much as I want to.
Would you mind helping me take, you know,
Damien, Matthew and Timothée outto the park and then I'll take your
children the following week andwhen I'm feeling a little better.
So having realistic expectationsfor yourself and then those that
are supporting you and helping you,having that community and people
(23:28):
to talk to that you feel likeare trusted is really important.
And then again, coming kind of backfull circle, really being honest.
I think a thing that really plagues alot of women and birthing people, mothers
is that we feel such guilt and shame.
when we can't meet the expectationsthat we've set for ourselves.
So expectations can be failures.
They can feel like we're not succeeding.
(23:50):
They can make us feel guiltyand shameful for our life.
And no matter how much we prepare,there's things that we can't prepare for
or the extent of what's going to happen.
So I believe that having a conversationand saying, you know, these are the
things that I want to have done and thenfalling back and saying, but here's the
things that could happen if they don't.
And I really need a little extratime and making sure that...
(24:10):
You know, you're beinghonest in that communication.
You're telling your children,I'm having a really hard day.
And to say, when someoneasks you, are you okay?
And to say, no, I'm not.
I'm really struggling today andI just need a mental brain break.
I need to go and binge a couplehours of TV and eat a bag of
Cheetos with my baby in my bed.
And that's okay, becausethat's motherhood.
And if every day has to feel perfectand expectations are everything they
(24:33):
see around us and on social media,that will make you encompassed
in guilt and shame so much.
that I feel like you won'tfind joy in those day to days.
Kind of like Sarah was talking about,like those moments just kind of
flood together because motherhoodis so extreme and it's so intensive.
So giving yourself a lot of grace,a lot of patience, making sure
that you're speaking very honestlyand open with those around you.
(24:56):
And then also being really realisticwith yourself and allowing yourself
to say, you know, these are thethings that I want to have done
and this is a timeline that I have.
And if they don't happen,
It doesn't mean that my value as a motheris anything less than what it should be.
The Best Birth [24:56]
I remember shortly after we hadour first baby talking to a friend
who hadn't had a baby yet and justsaying like, like, how was your day?
(25:16):
Like, what did you do today?
She's like, like I changed the oil.
I went to the grocery store.
I hit the gym.
My husband and I played somevolleyball and like, she probably
listed seven or eight items.
And I was like, wait, like youdid that today or like this week?
That's what I did today.
And I remember thinking with my new baby.
I can only do one thing extra every day.
(25:37):
And that was kind of where I sat mentallyfor a while after each of my babies was
born, is that if there's just one thingthat I can do that's a little bit extra
today, you know, maybe it was organizingthose, you know, like nursing bras, or
maybe it was, you know, just somethingextra, but one thing, not allowing myself
to feel the overwhelm of trying to managethe same life that I had left behind.
(25:59):
And when you talk about six weeks, Ifeel like that is such a short amount
of time, you know, to, to think abouthaving this change in your, in your
life, in your family, in your home.
Like it takes a lot of time formany of us to feel back to normal
that we have, you know, like theregulation of our nervous system.
And so just giving yourself as much timeas needed to feel like you can get back
(26:22):
into the swing of, you know, accomplishingthose eight things in one day.
Christina Packard [26:19]
Yeah, like the COVID phrase, the newnormal, there will never be another
normal because when you bring anotherchild home and you become a family of,
you know, three, four, five, six, seven,eight, how many children you choose
to have as a mother, your new normalis going to be completely different.
And the face that you see inthe mirror is going to be more
wise, more sage or discerned.
(26:44):
I feel like we as women were socritical of what we look like and
how we're carrying motherhood.
But to think about thesehuman bodies creating a body.
that is going to be able to have allthese life experiences and all these
beautiful things that they're going tohappen to them and that we get to be the
bearers of this life and the co -creatorsof this life is such an honor and such
a blessing and such a beautiful thing.
(27:05):
And so I think when we kind of stepback, like you said, and say, okay,
have I accomplished anything today?
And if the answer is no, except forloving, caring and nurturing your
child, then you've accomplished.
The Best Birth [27:10]
Yeah, that is enough.
Well, we love to share some of theresources that our experts recommend.
Do you have any books that you wouldrecommend to our expectant moms and dads?
(27:28):
Christina Packard [27:21]
I read a really good book called Womband I've read a couple other books.
I've read a lot of booksrecently about child development
through the teenage mind.
There's one called How to Hug a Porcupine.
So if any of you moms are bringinghome babies or young children to
a tween who's starting to become aprepubescent member of your family, the
(27:50):
joy and treasure of having tweens and.
and all of that is a lot.
And especially when you hormonally,like me, I mean, I should speak for
myself, when I'm hormonally goingthrough the changes of postpartum and
then having tweens and teenagers on topof that, some of these resources about
teenagers are just, they're exceptional.
(28:11):
They've really reminded me that thetransitions and the changes that we're
all going through are so important andvital, but to go through it all together
at the same time, like you were talkingabout, all these ages and stages at
once can feel a little overwhelming.
There's a lot of excellentresources out there.
I mean, I have a book list as long as myarm and I can share them with the Best
Birth podcast and they can post those.
The Best Birth [28:24]
Thank you.
We'll love to share those resources.
(28:32):
One of the books that I thought of thatkind of went along with this episode
was, gentle birth, gentle mothering.
And she says set boundaries withlove and consistency, helping
your child to learn and grow in asafe and supportive environment.
And just thinking about everythingyou shared with us today, you know,
having that consistency building, youknow, expectation management with,
within our family and allowing thatas the platform for us to really like.
(28:56):
Christina Packard [28:38]
Mm.
The Best Birth [28:53]
welcome this new beautiful baby.
Christina Packard [28:55]
Hmm.
The Best Birth [28:56]
We like to end each episodewith a mom squad secret.
So I will share from Melissa,a tip that says start walking,
especially in your secondtrimester, two or three miles a day.
It is great exercise and a good timeto clear your head and enjoy nature.
And of course, incorporatingthis into postpartum as well.
(29:19):
I remember my second baby was born in thewinter and just really getting outside and
I made a goal to walk every single day.
So yeah, I love that tip.
Christina Packard [29:23]
Mm.
The Best Birth [29:24]
Christina, is there anythingelse that you'd like to share
with our listeners today?
Christina Packard [29:26]
We are so blessed to be part of theBest Birth podcast and to be able to
experience as women and as mothers thetransformative changes that happen.
(29:40):
So I guess my biggest takeaway formyself and for others is just finding
joy in this journey of motherhood.
I think, you know, I think aboutwith my oldest turning 15, it's
amazing how I can remember the verymoment that they laid her on me.
And I remember snuggling andnestling and nursing her.
And it's incredible to think that as awoman you will have these memories your
(30:01):
whole life long and the fleeting clichemoments of you know it goes by so fast.
Cherishing those moments experiencingthem whether it's through video and
pictures and journaling but keepingthese sacred and these moments so special
to your heart because they really dospeed by and they really do change
us and allow us to be nurturers and.
kind, courageous, brave womenwho embrace other people in our
(30:24):
journey of having the best birthand the best motherhood a journey.
The Best Birth [30:26]
and what a treasure that each of uscan remember that very moment when
they lay that baby on our chest.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday on the Best Birth Podcast.
Christina Packard [30:35]
Thank you.
Thanks for joining us on today's episode.
We hope you've been elevated andinspired by this week's expert.
(30:45):
Subscribe today so you never missan episode and please share our
podcast or post on your socialmedia so that other moms and dads
to be can also have the best birth.
Please note that the informationprovided is based on the expert's
insights and personal experience.
It is not intended as medical guidance.
Please seek the advice of yourmedical provider as it applies
(31:07):
to your specific condition.
It's the Best Birth Podcast, wherewe interview experts that elevate
you as you prepare your heartand mind to have the best birth.
Each episode will interviewprofessionals so you are prepared
for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
Our experts will build your confidenceand empower you to trust your
intuition throughout your pregnancy.
This audio is takenfrom videos on YouTube.
(00:27):
Watch the entire episodes onYouTube at Birth Made Mindful.
Best Birth [00:01]
Welcome to the Best Birth podcast.
We're here today with guest ChristinaPackard to talk all about managing family
expectations for bringing home a new baby.
Christina Packard is a writer andbirth educator for Birth Made Mindful.
Christina loves gardening,home setting, and embroidery.
(00:49):
She speaks French and enjoys teachingher husband and her children French.
Christina has an establishedinsect collection.
She's also musical.
She's a singer, piano, and trumpet player.
She finds a thrill inanything DIY or craft related.
She is the hardworkingmother of six children.
So along with her work, talentsand hobbies, she's also a chef,
(01:10):
chauffeur, cleaner and cruise director.
Wow, Christina, six children.
You definitely have experiencemanaging those expectations
when bringing a baby home.
Christina Packard [00:47]
Hopefully, yeah, we'vedone it a couple of times.
The Best Birth [00:53]
Well, we want to jump right in andkind of start from the beginning.
So when you are a new parent, so, youknow, just two people together kind of
(01:32):
preparing their lives for the entranceof a new baby, what would you recommend
as the way to prepare for this event?
Christina Packard [01:11]
That's an excellent question.
I think there's a lot ofmonetary and physical things
people think to prepare for.
They have the car seat in the car.
They have a stroller.
Maybe they've purchaseda baby carrier or a wrap.
(01:52):
But I think something really importantto remember is that when they send you
home with an infant, someone who is yourgenetic, biological flesh and blood, or
if you're adopting someone that you'veprayed for and worked for having, then
you have a small infant in your home.
and everything is going to feel magnified.
Everything's going to feel large.
I remember when we brought ourfirst baby home, our baby will
(02:13):
be 15 in a couple of weeks here.
We put her down in the bed and we justlooked at her and said, how did they
let us leave the hospital with her?
There's no instructionbook, there's no manual.
And you know, we thought,okay, we got this.
We've done the last fourdays in the hospital.
She's ready to go.
We have her.
And I remember that first night webrought her home, we put her on the bed.
We both took a nap right away.
All three of us were exhausted.
(02:33):
And then we woke up to feed her.
And when we fed her, my milk was in.
It hadn't come in yet.
My milk was in.
And she drank so heavily that shevomited, not just like spit up, she
vomited and it was coming out her nose.
And so she was chokingand she was gasping.
And I remember just being like,do we call the hospital again?
Like, do we call 911?
And we just looked at each other.
We took a big deep breath.
We got the little bulb syringe.
(02:54):
So I think the things to prepare for arereally difficult to name, to list off.
But I think the most importantthing is to kind of have...
a sense of reality that you're not gonnahave all the answers, you're not gonna be
prepared for everything that's going on,you're not probably even gonna have all
the tools physically with you, but havingresources like a supportive partner, a
(03:14):
friend that you can call on, a mother,mother -in -law, sister, someone that you
feel like has maybe some birth experienceor some other experience, those are good
people, so that when she throws up again,or when there's an explosive diaper and
she can't seem to keep anything down,
or when he's colicky and won't stopcrying and you fed and burped and
swaddled and changed the bathes andyou've done everything you can, then
(03:36):
you can rely on someone to kind of walkyou through those difficult moments.
For baby number one, I think somethingreally important to do too is try to have
as many things in your home as you canso you don't feel like you have to leave.
Whether you or your partner leaveseparately, individually, they ask
someone else to come and do it, there'sa lot of delivery services nowadays.
But having as many diapers and wipesas you think is necessary for those
(03:59):
first weeks, having, like we just talkedabout, a bulb syringe or something to
get the snot and the mucus out of thebaby's nose and mouth, having those
things in your home in presence willlet you have a peace of mind that if
you did have something come up thatyou were expecting or preparing for,
that you would have it at the ready andyou don't have to run out and get it.
The Best Birth [03:51]
(04:20):
I think that's so important.
Like the emotions that you feelwith your partner, when neither
of you know what you're doing.
And then all of a sudden you almostfeel like you have a medical situation
or just, you know, a screaming baby.
And you wonder what havewe gotten ourselves into?
I remember so many like middleof the night discussions where
(04:40):
we would try to find the answers.
And so just to maybe establishing firstand foremost that you're in it together.
Both of you are new and you are going totake it one step at a time, focusing at
the problem that's right in front of you.
Christina Packard [04:27]
Mm -hmm.
Yeah, it's good if I.
The Best Birth [04:31]
And how do you prepare youngchildren for this new baby to come
(05:01):
home from the hospital if it's amultiple or your second or third?
Christina Packard [04:38]
Yeah, that's a great question too.
I think children are very intuitive.
I think they can sense and feel theenergy and emotions of parents when
they, whether it's through the pregnancyor later on in the pregnancy when
the mom's really showing and reallyhaving a harder time bending down and
tying that baby's shoes or puttingon their snow boots or snow pants.
(05:22):
So I think a lot of children, regardlessof how far apart you're spacing your
children, kind of pick up on that.
They begin to know something's changing,something's different in the family.
At least for us, we had...
five children in eight years.
So our first five are two years apart.
And then we had a five yeargap between my fifth and sixth.
So there's very different things thatI can share with you throughout that.
(05:43):
But I think between the first and second,we really made sure that our first knew
that there were going to be changes,that things were going to be different.
We talked very honestly and openly.
And, you know, of course, ather level, we weren't talking
to her as if she was a teenager.
We were talking to her as ifshe was an almost two year old.
You're reminding her,you know, when things are
when mom comes home next time,you know, and because we didn't
(06:03):
really have a scheduled plan aboutwhen that birth would happen.
Most people, even when they havea scheduled C -section or even
when they have an induction, theydon't even know if and when that
baby's gonna come home with them.
But saying, you know, here's alittle baby doll or here's a little
stuffy animal or something thatthey can hold and cuddle, practicing
being kind and gentle, soft touch.
(06:23):
There is a very strong tendency forolder children to feel jealousy.
And like Sarah was talkingabout, there's a lot of emotions.
Parenting is emotionally invested,opportunity, employment, sport,
whatever word you want to put there.
There's so many things that you'refeeling that you've never before felt.
If you're a family of three and thenyou become a family of four, you'll
never know what that will feel again,adding a second baby to number one.
And so really reminding that oldestchild that they are important, they're
(06:46):
valued, they're still such a valuablepart of your life and your emotions and
your decisions to bring home this baby.
is a really smart thing to do.
And then something we encourage some ofour friends and family was that when we
come to see the baby, the second baby, tokind of pay attention to that first baby,
whether it's with a gift or a book or aletter or a note, just loves and hugs,
(07:07):
extra attention, so that that first baby,regardless of the age difference, feels
that love from visitors of the new baby.
The Best Birth [06:52]
individual care for each of yourchildren really makes them feel valued.
I remember reading a book that talkedabout having, you know, a 10 minute
period every day for each child.
And that's for the mom to spend with thatchild or the dad to spend with that child.
(07:30):
So they're really feelinglike their tank is full.
They don't have to express their emotions,taking it out on their younger sibling
saying, Hey, what I really need ismy mom or dad to pay attention to me.
And so what I'm goingto do is hit this baby.
Christina Packard [07:20]
Mmm.
The Best Birth [07:20]
And so that is such an importantthing to remember is that like those
little children, they need a lot ofreassurance that you still care for
(07:53):
them, that you are still willing to puteverything aside to be there for them.
Something we've done over theyears is adapt the bedtime routine.
And a big component is talk time.
And my oldest son looksforward to that every night.
He is a little worried when we can'thave it and we have, or we have to
shorten it, but I think that's a good.
(08:13):
time to interact with them one on one.
It's so amazing that you're ableto share with us how you've managed
your expectations, how you have,you know, included your children
in bringing home additional babies.
Let's talk about how some of thoselike everyday expectations have
changed as you have grown your family.
Christina Packard [08:10]
That's an excellent question.
(08:34):
And I think something else thatSarah brought up is that when we are
thinking about the emotional aspect ofa child trying to relate to that other
baby or that other child, it's verydifficult to try to say, this is anger,
this is sadness, this is jealousy.
But maybe, and I read an excellentbook about just talking to the child
at their level and saying, I'm mad, I'mmad, I'm mad, I'm angry, I'm feeling
(08:58):
jealous, I want time with mom insteadof baby, I'm jealous, I'm jealous.
and saying over and over becausea child's brain and the way that
this doctor presented it wasthat it was like a Neanderthal.
So I think in response to thisquestion, with the expectations of
having different ages of children,making sure as was mentioned with the
talk time and was giving 10 minutesof individual valued time for each
(09:20):
child, making sure that every childwhere they're at is experiencing the
love and affection and the needs fromthe parent, which is so difficult.
I was telling a friend that when webrought home Eames, he's my sixth baby,
I've never had a high schooler,a kindergartener, and a newborn.
In three weeks, we had a highschool, a kindergarten, and a
newborn all at the same time.
(09:40):
And it was a lot for us.
And we felt like, wow, thisis a lot to handle at once.
You know, we've never hada child go to high school.
We've never had our almostlast baby start kindergarten.
So all the children were in school.
And this was a very new thing.
So we dropped all the kids off at school.
My husband was on maternity leave.
We came home and we just lookedat each other and we promptly
fell asleep because we had been.
so tired from that summer, wetried to pack so much in before
(10:02):
we brought home this new baby.
And then we did, we had a lot ofconversations through my pregnancy with
my last saying, you know, this is goingto be harder because we're all older,
we're going to remember it more, we'regoing to have more remembrances of what
the baby's like coming to the hospital.
You know, my other children, myoldest was not yet nine when we
brought home her youngest sister.
And so that's a big gap between nineand 14 to remember and have these.
(10:26):
these bonding moments withyour youngest sibling.
So I think we had a lot ofexpectations that, you know, having
another C -section, I wouldn't beable to be up and about right away.
We did do a lot of fun things.
We did hikes, we went to the balloon glow,we went to the zoo, into the aquarium.
I try to keep myself as active aspossible to help stave off the feelings of
postpartum depression or anxiety, but alsohelp talking about the mother's health
(10:49):
and the needs of the mother and makingsure that the expectations are, you know,
when mom needs to sleep with the baby.
then we're gonna try to keepthe house a little quiet.
We have a rule that we're never superquiet when the baby's sleeping, because
we don't want our kids to only getused to sleeping in complete silence,
because it's an unrealistic expectationwhen you have eight people in a home to
always be quiet when the baby lays down.
But at least giving mom and baby a littlebit of that reprieve from the expectations
(11:13):
of laundry, meals, having to entertain,or having to keep the kids quiet, that's
a nice thing to talk about, especiallywith older children who can help.
and sustain some ofthose responsibilities.
I think another thing that we talkedabout in expectations was just
making sure that they were carefuland gentle and loving and nice
with their baby brother or sister.
(11:34):
Because even though they're not quitein that jealousy phase of maybe they're
going to slap the baby on the head ormaybe they're going to try to smother
it with a blanket, there still is a lotof emotions of mom is taking so much
time for this new creature, this newbaby, this new person in our family that
they were feeling a little left out.
So having expectations that we loveyou and we want you in this family and
you're vitally important, but sometimesthe needs of an infant override the
(11:58):
needs of a 10 -year -old who can makehis own quesadilla at night for a snack.
The Best Birth [11:42]
Yeah, you always hear that like thenewborn stage like that postpartum period
the fourth trimester is so hard But thenadding on all of your other children it
just feels like an impossible task foreverybody to get the sleep that they
(12:18):
need and The rest and the healing whenyou have other children to to manage
Thanks so much for sharing some of thosetips on just like how you were able
to make that happen And you know justsetting the stage before it comes about
so that everybody is prepared withwhat reality will look like for a time.
(12:39):
Are there any other changes that come tomind with growing your family and having
more people in a home that change things?
Christina Packard [12:24]
Yeah, I think a lot of people,families have changed over the last 100
years, last 50 years, last 20 years.
I feel like large families, whatevernumber you put there, can vary from
family to family, person to person.
(13:00):
We have the privilege of knowing a lotof families that have added as they've
had a second relationship and thenthey've added children into that family.
But I think the beauty of bringinghome children to a family is watching
the responsibilities of children tocare for one another and watching
that sweet relationship grow.
And I think that's something that'sreally been lovely for us is watching
(13:21):
our oldest and our youngest, watchingall of the children take responsibility.
I mean, they often fight over the baby.
They often want to be the one to holdthem and to change them and to feed them.
But making sure that like there'sthat bond and that connectivity
between siblings and reminding themthat regardless of where we are
in the world and the friendshipsthat we have at that present time.
(13:43):
when we grow, when we move or when thingschange and shift in a family, those
relationships within a family remain.
And so trying to establish really strongconnections with one another and doing
family traditions like special things onbirthdays or special things for holidays
or trying to really make sure in ourfamily, we have a no exclusion rule.
So when there's a friend over,like right now, my daughter has
(14:05):
a friend over, my daughter isn'tallowed to exclude her siblings
from that stay time with her friend.
If they need to have a momenttogether or be alone, then
those things are appropriate.
But we also really encourage each otherto try to make sure that there's no
hard feeling or harshness or exclusionwhen there's playtime here in our
home, which has allowed our children tobecome really good friends and really
(14:26):
bond and care for one another deeply.
And that compassion and empathy andthat kindness, I think, really shows
strength of character and gives themcourage to face some of the dilemmas
and some of the problems that they'llhave to face as they problem solve
throughout their lives in the world.
The Best Birth [14:17]
Let's talk more aboutthese family traditions.
So when I think back to my own childhood,I can't remember the day to day.
I can hardly remember, you know, likeyear to year, but those family traditions
(14:50):
are something that you will never forget.
So maybe let's share two or threetraditions that you feel like really
have helped your family and youcould give some suggestions for our
listeners on what they could do toestablish some of these traditions.
Christina Packard [14:42]
And traditions are so fun because theycan come out of a lot of thought and
preparation, a lot of timing, or theycan come out of a sporadic moment of
(15:13):
we're just gonna do this every year.
And so one of our traditions that'skind of grown over time is many
years ago, as we talked about havingfive babies in eight years, that
particular year I was very tired.
And so I have all of ourbirthdays except for one are
within seven weeks of each other.
So we call it the birthday summer.
From May until August, we allare packed in there really
tight in those seven weeks.
So instead of wrapping gifts orputting them in bags, we hide them.
(15:37):
And so I gather all the gifts andthen I give them to the kids and
then they get to hide the gifts.
And we typically do it just in likeone or two rooms, a kitchen, living
room, upstairs rooms, bathroom.
And then the child has tocome out and find the gifts.
So it's kind of like an extended Easter.
And they love that.
They absolutely love finding their gifts.
And one time we wrapped them, theysaid, I wanted to find my gift.
So that came out of laziness and out ofme not being able to go down and wrap
(16:00):
the birthday presents for that year.
So that's kind of a fun tradition.
Something that's always fun at holidaysand people that celebrate any holiday,
whether they have a religious preferenceor not, is making traditions revolving,
serving and loving and giving to others.
I don't think there's anythingmore special than watching your
children like work in a soup kitchenor work in a homeless shelter or
(16:21):
pack up meals for a hurricane orthe first aid or first responders.
So we as a family really love to carol.
We go caroling every year and weused to carol at the nursing home.
We would carol inside the nursinghome and we actually learned sign
language for four or five Christmassongs so we could sign to the deaf
people that lived in the nursing home.
(16:42):
Unfortunately, COVID took thatcaroling opportunity away from us
and we haven't been able to comeback, unfortunately, since COVID.
But we love caroling to our neighbors andwe love bringing them a treat and making
sure that they feel loved and wanted.
And then during, not just duringthe holidays, but every month of
the year, we try to find largeopportunities to serve as a family.
whether it's doing yard work, springcleanup, we love to doorbell ditch,
(17:04):
run around to our neighbors and leavelittle candies or leave bookmarks or
homemade cookies, flowers for May Day.
We love to make sure that we are givingback as often as we're receiving.
And I think those traditions ofserving and again, thinking more
of others in that empathy, in thatkindness, in that sympathy, especially
when there's a death in the familyor when there's a sickness or when
(17:25):
someone loses unemployment or a job.
I think teaching ourchildren through tradition,
and some of these things thatwe do really help us to find
strength within our family.
And, you know, I think another traditionthat's really fun to do too is having
everyone write cards to each other.
We kind of talked about that birthday,but having, you know, birthdays and
anniversaries and special days be allabout that person and taking things that
(17:49):
will be able to go from year to year.
And again, it's not all about theamount of presents or the gifts or
the money spent, but a nice, lovelycard and words of appreciation
and affection for that person.
really tend to draw close to one another.
The Best Birth [17:41]
I love how your traditionsreally center on what your family
values and considers important.
(18:10):
What kind of changes haveoccurred financially?
How are we to budget for anotherfamily member when we feel
like we're already stretched?
Christina Packard [17:59]
That's a great question.
And truthfully, when we were goingto have our first child, my husband
was, he had just started school again.
He graduated from ColoradoState University and we didn't
(18:30):
have the resources and thefinances that we thought we did.
During 2008, when the recessionhappened, my husband was also laid off.
And so that put us into a little bitof a struggle where I went back to work
full time and I was teaching piano.
So throughout our married lives, we'vealways had employment, both he and I.
We've always budgeted.
I think the biggest piece ofadvice to give her financially
(18:51):
is always live within your means.
I don't think there's ever a properor right time to have a baby.
I don't think finances will ever, nomatter how many children, no matter
how much money you make, no matter howmany jobs and hours you're putting in
at the office, I don't think there'sever enough money to have a child
because there's so many things thatcome up in that life of that child
(19:12):
that you cannot predict, kind of likewhat we talked about at the beginning.
You can't predict whenthey'll break an arm.
My daughter currently has two broken armsand that was completely unpredictable.
You know, and so you can't budgetout those things, but what you can
do is always live within your means.
So as you're earning moneyevery month, make a plan.
As Dave Ramsey really encourages usto budget, he encourages us to do
(19:33):
all methods or have a spreadsheet,visually see your money coming in and
then every diamond dollar that you'respending, whether it's leisure, you
know, utilities, gas, insurance, food.
And then he encouragesus to save half of it.
So he says, if you're making acertain amount of money every month,
you put away half of that and youpretend like you don't even own it.
It doesn't even come into you.
It's not affecting your income.
(19:54):
So whether that's net orgross is up to the couple.
Excuse me.
And so as you save half ofthat, you put that away.
You put that money right away intowhatever sort of account or CD or
something with a high annual yield.
I think that's been kind ofa trick of my husband and I
whenever we receive a tax return.
or birthday money or like a check fromour escrow or something, an abundance
(20:17):
of whatever it is, we put it all away.
So we pretend like we don'teven have that as an income.
And so then when we have a broken arm orwhen our truck needs a new transmission
or when we have to fix the sliding doorof our van or when we have two broken
arms and our deductible is higher thanwe're ready for, we need a new roof, we
have the money to pay for those things.
(20:37):
So we're not having to put it onto acredit card that we then can't pay off.
and our debt exceeds our income.
So in terms of bringing another babyinto the family, my biggest suggestion
is really living within your means andspending and enjoying life and having
moments where you are going out andcelebrating, but really think about
what is the long -term objective?
Where are the long -term financialgoals and how is this money
(21:00):
working for you to get you there?
Are you feeling strapped everymonth because you're maybe eating
out a couple too many times orperhaps you're having one too many.
drinks or want too many coffees or maybe,at least for me, I know sometimes those
garage sale signs are really addictiveand I see them and I have to pull over.
So saying, okay, I'm only gonna spend$50 at garage sales for the entire
summer and having that budget inmind and then putting in $1 bills
(21:21):
and when it's gone, it's gone.
That's all that you have.
So the key, I think the biggest keyto raising children financially and
successfully is really thinking, how canI make this money not only work for us,
but how am I using this money to benefit
my family and again something that Ialways think about too is am I giving
back and am I serving as much as I'mreceiving and charitable contributions I
(21:43):
think are a way that a lot of people findpersonal wealth and growth management
within their money is how they cangive back to whatever organization
they feel inspired to give to.
I find those are the people that alwaysseem to be very wealthy in very many ways.
The Best Birth [21:40]
You're doing such great workraising children and building a
community inside of your familyand inside of your neighborhood
(22:04):
and your city that you live in.
that's just really incredible.
Well, we want to kind of just wrap upour conversation about expectations.
Is there anything else that you wouldshare with us that can help our listeners
prepare their hearts or their minds tomanage their expectations with birth?
Christina Packard [22:03]
That's a great question.
I think the most beautiful partabout birth is that it's so
individualized and it's so personaland it's also so formative.
(22:26):
It's life altering and changing nomatter how many babies you have,
no matter how many times you becomean aunt or grandma or mom, I think
that you remember those moments.
They're very pivotal.
So being emotionally, mentally andphysically prepared are really important.
But I also think making surethat the people around you
are prepared in a way as well.
For example, if you need help,
(22:46):
from a mother or a grandmother or aneighbor or a friend, talking about
that as well, getting a village or atribe, people talk about having people
around you and whatever that lookslike to you, asking someone for help
making freezer meals before you havethe baby or asking someone to help take
your children for a couple of hours ina week and then returning the favor.
(23:06):
So saying, I know that when Ibring my baby home, I'm gonna
have about a six week period thatI can't do as much as I want to.
Would you mind helping me take, you know,
Damien, Matthew and Timothée outto the park and then I'll take your
children the following week andwhen I'm feeling a little better.
So having realistic expectationsfor yourself and then those that
are supporting you and helping you,having that community and people
(23:28):
to talk to that you feel likeare trusted is really important.
And then again, coming kind of backfull circle, really being honest.
I think a thing that really plagues alot of women and birthing people, mothers
is that we feel such guilt and shame.
when we can't meet the expectationsthat we've set for ourselves.
So expectations can be failures.
They can feel like we're not succeeding.
(23:50):
They can make us feel guiltyand shameful for our life.
And no matter how much we prepare,there's things that we can't prepare for
or the extent of what's going to happen.
So I believe that having a conversationand saying, you know, these are the
things that I want to have done and thenfalling back and saying, but here's the
things that could happen if they don't.
And I really need a little extratime and making sure that...
(24:10):
You know, you're beinghonest in that communication.
You're telling your children,I'm having a really hard day.
And to say, when someoneasks you, are you okay?
And to say, no, I'm not.
I'm really struggling today andI just need a mental brain break.
I need to go and binge a couplehours of TV and eat a bag of
Cheetos with my baby in my bed.
And that's okay, becausethat's motherhood.
And if every day has to feel perfectand expectations are everything they
(24:33):
see around us and on social media,that will make you encompassed
in guilt and shame so much.
that I feel like you won'tfind joy in those day to days.
Kind of like Sarah was talking about,like those moments just kind of
flood together because motherhoodis so extreme and it's so intensive.
So giving yourself a lot of grace,a lot of patience, making sure
that you're speaking very honestlyand open with those around you.
(24:56):
And then also being really realisticwith yourself and allowing yourself
to say, you know, these are thethings that I want to have done
and this is a timeline that I have.
And if they don't happen,
It doesn't mean that my value as a motheris anything less than what it should be.
The Best Birth [24:56]
I remember shortly after we hadour first baby talking to a friend
who hadn't had a baby yet and justsaying like, like, how was your day?
(25:16):
Like, what did you do today?
She's like, like I changed the oil.
I went to the grocery store.
I hit the gym.
My husband and I played somevolleyball and like, she probably
listed seven or eight items.
And I was like, wait, like youdid that today or like this week?
That's what I did today.
And I remember thinking with my new baby.
I can only do one thing extra every day.
(25:37):
And that was kind of where I sat mentallyfor a while after each of my babies was
born, is that if there's just one thingthat I can do that's a little bit extra
today, you know, maybe it was organizingthose, you know, like nursing bras, or
maybe it was, you know, just somethingextra, but one thing, not allowing myself
to feel the overwhelm of trying to managethe same life that I had left behind.
(25:59):
And when you talk about six weeks, Ifeel like that is such a short amount
of time, you know, to, to think abouthaving this change in your, in your
life, in your family, in your home.
Like it takes a lot of time formany of us to feel back to normal
that we have, you know, like theregulation of our nervous system.
And so just giving yourself as much timeas needed to feel like you can get back
(26:22):
into the swing of, you know, accomplishingthose eight things in one day.
Christina Packard [26:19]
Yeah, like the COVID phrase, the newnormal, there will never be another
normal because when you bring anotherchild home and you become a family of,
you know, three, four, five, six, seven,eight, how many children you choose
to have as a mother, your new normalis going to be completely different.
And the face that you see inthe mirror is going to be more
wise, more sage or discerned.
(26:44):
I feel like we as women were socritical of what we look like and
how we're carrying motherhood.
But to think about thesehuman bodies creating a body.
that is going to be able to have allthese life experiences and all these
beautiful things that they're going tohappen to them and that we get to be the
bearers of this life and the co -creatorsof this life is such an honor and such
a blessing and such a beautiful thing.
(27:05):
And so I think when we kind of stepback, like you said, and say, okay,
have I accomplished anything today?
And if the answer is no, except forloving, caring and nurturing your
child, then you've accomplished.
The Best Birth [27:10]
Yeah, that is enough.
Well, we love to share some of theresources that our experts recommend.
Do you have any books that you wouldrecommend to our expectant moms and dads?
(27:28):
Christina Packard [27:21]
I read a really good book called Womband I've read a couple other books.
I've read a lot of booksrecently about child development
through the teenage mind.
There's one called How to Hug a Porcupine.
So if any of you moms are bringinghome babies or young children to
a tween who's starting to become aprepubescent member of your family, the
(27:50):
joy and treasure of having tweens and.
and all of that is a lot.
And especially when you hormonally,like me, I mean, I should speak for
myself, when I'm hormonally goingthrough the changes of postpartum and
then having tweens and teenagers on topof that, some of these resources about
teenagers are just, they're exceptional.
(28:11):
They've really reminded me that thetransitions and the changes that we're
all going through are so important andvital, but to go through it all together
at the same time, like you were talkingabout, all these ages and stages at
once can feel a little overwhelming.
There's a lot of excellentresources out there.
I mean, I have a book list as long as myarm and I can share them with the Best
Birth podcast and they can post those.
The Best Birth [28:24]
Thank you.
We'll love to share those resources.
(28:32):
One of the books that I thought of thatkind of went along with this episode
was, gentle birth, gentle mothering.
And she says set boundaries withlove and consistency, helping
your child to learn and grow in asafe and supportive environment.
And just thinking about everythingyou shared with us today, you know,
having that consistency building, youknow, expectation management with,
within our family and allowing thatas the platform for us to really like.
(28:56):
Christina Packard [28:38]
Mm.
The Best Birth [28:53]
welcome this new beautiful baby.
Christina Packard [28:55]
Hmm.
The Best Birth [28:56]
We like to end each episodewith a mom squad secret.
So I will share from Melissa,a tip that says start walking,
especially in your secondtrimester, two or three miles a day.
It is great exercise and a good timeto clear your head and enjoy nature.
And of course, incorporatingthis into postpartum as well.
(29:19):
I remember my second baby was born in thewinter and just really getting outside and
I made a goal to walk every single day.
So yeah, I love that tip.
Christina Packard [29:23]
Mm.
The Best Birth [29:24]
Christina, is there anythingelse that you'd like to share
with our listeners today?
Christina Packard [29:26]
We are so blessed to be part of theBest Birth podcast and to be able to
experience as women and as mothers thetransformative changes that happen.
(29:40):
So I guess my biggest takeaway formyself and for others is just finding
joy in this journey of motherhood.
I think, you know, I think aboutwith my oldest turning 15, it's
amazing how I can remember the verymoment that they laid her on me.
And I remember snuggling andnestling and nursing her.
And it's incredible to think that as awoman you will have these memories your
(30:01):
whole life long and the fleeting clichemoments of you know it goes by so fast.
Cherishing those moments experiencingthem whether it's through video and
pictures and journaling but keepingthese sacred and these moments so special
to your heart because they really dospeed by and they really do change
us and allow us to be nurturers and.
kind, courageous, brave womenwho embrace other people in our
(30:24):
journey of having the best birthand the best motherhood a journey.
The Best Birth [30:26]
and what a treasure that each of uscan remember that very moment when
they lay that baby on our chest.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday on the Best Birth Podcast.
Christina Packard [30:35]
Thank you.
Thanks for joining us on today's episode.
We hope you've been elevated andinspired by this week's expert.
(30:45):
Subscribe today so you never missan episode and please share our
podcast or post on your socialmedia so that other moms and dads
to be can also have the best birth.
Please note that the informationprovided is based on the expert's
insights and personal experience.
It is not intended as medical guidance.
Please seek the advice of yourmedical provider as it applies
(31:07):
to your specific condition.
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