August 31, 2024 • 34 mins
Stacey Singleton, a doula and advocate for mothers, shares her journey and passion for empowering parents in childbirth. She discusses the benefits of the Bradley Method, which emphasizes communication and understanding between partners during labor. Stacey explains the importance of recognizing the signposts of labor and creating a supportive environment for mothers. She also highlights the role of doulas in providing physical and emotional support during birth and postpartum. Stacey encourages mothers to trust their instincts and find what works best for their families. (Assisted in the birth of Amanda Taulbee who is a guest on episode/week 19.)
CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction and Background of Stacey Singleton 02:15 Empowering Parents Through the Bradley Method 05:35 Supporting Mothers in Birth and Postpartum as a Doula 08:54 Trusting Your Instincts as a Mother 11:16 Importance of Postpartum Support 16:35 Pain Management Techniques and Comfort During Labor 23:49 Eliminating Distractions and Trusting the Process 26:10 Benefits of Baby Sign Language 30:45 Trusting Yourself as a Mother and Seeking Support
RESOURCES Dare to Lead by Brené Brown "You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both."
Hands Free Life Rachel Macy Stafford "The most meaningful life experiences don't happen in the 'when,' they happen in the 'now.'"
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
It's the Best Birth Podcast, wherewe interview experts that elevate
you as you prepare your heartand mind to have the best birth.
Each episode will interviewprofessionals so you are prepared
for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
Our experts will build your confidenceand empower you to trust your
intuition throughout your pregnancy.
This audio is takenfrom videos on YouTube.
(00:27):
Watch the entire episodes onYouTube at Birth Made Mindful.
The Best Birth [00:01]
You're listening toThe Best Birth Podcast.
We're here today with our guest, StaceySingleton from motherhood matters.
All that Stacey has ever wanted tobe when she grows up is a mommy.
She became fascinated with naturalchildbirth at age six when her nephew was
(00:47):
born and has continued to educate herself.
Her journey for knowledge in thearea of child development and
childbirth has been continuous.
Stacey has a bachelor's and master'sin early childhood and has been
a preschool teacher and director.
as well as a baby signlanguage instructor.
She has given birth to four amazingchildren and holds certificates in
infant and toddler education andRIE, resources for infant educators.
(01:12):
Stacey is currently raising three anda half teenagers, is passionate about
research and is working towards alifelong dream of doula certification.
She's almost there.
One of her biggest missionsis to empower parents.
Welcome Stacey.
Thank you so much.
We're so excited to talk to you about,you know, everything that you're
doing to support parents in birth.
What led you to want to become a doula andan advocate and a supporter of mothers?
(01:37):
when I was six, my nephew was born.
And I can remember my sistersitting us all down as a family
and she did Lamaze and saying,here's how it all works, right?
And since then I was fascinated.
I'm like, okay, how, how does this work?
How's the breathing work?
How's the baby come out?
All these different things.
And it just really became excitedabout the whole process of it.
(02:00):
And so just continue tolearn as much as I could.
Like you said, that having myundergrad in child development
and, you know, wanting to do that.
And then as I
started having my own kids, I actuallychose the Bradley Method that I totally
loved because I felt that it empowered me.
And I feel like today in society,we are not empowering parents
(02:21):
as much from the very beginning.
And I really feel that that's whatwe need to do because that is helping
them have this relationship withtheir children for the rest of their
lives and every decision they make.
And so while being a doula,that's what I get to do.
I'm not taking over.
I'm not putting my
thoughts into them.
I'm just saying, yougot this, you got this.
(02:43):
That's so cool.
Could you share, are there a few tenantsof the Bradley method that you feel
offer the most empowerment to parents?
Yes.
So something I love aboutBradley, first of all, Dr.
Bradley very much believed thatit's a husband coached method.
And something that he taught thathe was very passionate about is
that this is your first chances asa husband and wife or mother and
(03:07):
father in whoever you are together.
couple to be parents, right?
So the communication you have duringlabor is going to help you through
the rest of your child's life.
And so I love that, being able to askfor help or being able to say, don't
touch me, I don't rub my back or couldyou get me water or any of those things
that that really helps to build thatrelationship as starting parents.
(03:29):
The other thing that I loveabout Bradley is that it, for
me, it taught me about my body.
And so it taught me about, youknow, the analogy I use for every
parent is the turtleneck sweater, right?
And so that your cervix is like a tightturtleneck sweater and that this baby,
tiny baby has to fit through that.
And the more that you tense yourbody and hold on to that, the
(03:53):
tighter that turtleneck sweateris going to be and the harder it's
going to be to get that baby out.
And so for me, visualizing thatand being in control of my body
and not having somebody elsetell me, you just need to relax.
But why?
Why?
And so just having those little aspects,I know with a recent birth that I had
(04:13):
this week that we were able to alsojust look at the signposts of Bradley.
And so I was able to, hersister was in the room.
And so I said, okay, look at thissignpost, look at where she is now.
And we could actually watch her laborprogress just by noticing these signposts.
And that was just an amazing aspectof her being also able to be in tune
(04:37):
with her body to go, okay, maybe.
it's close to the end.
What were a few of those signpoststhat you noticed in this birth?
So one of the very first signposts, soonce you start labor, in active labor,
when you first start having contractionsis that you don't, or you talk, right?
You laugh, you talk, youhave a contraction, you go...
(04:59):
yeah, that one kind of hurt.
And then you continue to talkwith the people around you, right?
So that's kind of the firstlayer of the side post.
The second sign post is that they'renot talking through contractions.
And so she would get kind of quiet and I'dsay, okay, they're getting more intense.
And then the third one is that thereis no talking in between contractions,
(05:21):
no talking during contractions, notalking in between, that the person
in labor is just completely focused
Right?
They're focusing inward andthey have to to control all
those emotions and everything.
And so there's no talking.
And then after that, at transitionis kind of a doubt stage.
And it was interesting with this birth.
(05:43):
I know with my own births,I was like, I can't do this.
I'm done.
Get me out of here.
And I've seen other births like that.
I had one that she waslike, I can't do this.
Give me an epidural.
And it's like, you'rejust at the very end.
And that's right at transition.
That's right before they dilate to 10.
And with this last birth,
she said, this isn't fun anymore.
And that was it.
And then she transitioned and then herbody just automatically, she started
(06:07):
wanting to bear down and she had the baby.
This is so curious.
It makes me want to go back to myown birth video and to look to see, I
feel like I would speak in between mycontractions the whole time, but now
I'm wondering if maybe in the pushingstage, there was a little bit of.
of that silence or like thatmeditative, you know, just turning
(06:28):
inside of yourself and really likelooking towards that finish line.
Right.
And really getting down to work.
Right.
So it's really the labor side.
And I think that.
you know, as a doula of being ableto recognize those stages and to
kind of be the advocate at thatpoint, because at first they can
be their own advocate, right?
They can say, yes, you can turn thelights on, you can turn the lights off.
(06:51):
But as it progresses, I see thatthat is my job to step in and say,
OK, now they're not ready for this.
Now we need to keep the lights low.
We need to keep everything quiet.
That if people come in, that I get tosay this is what the preference was
for this so that they don't have to
worry about anything.
They can just do the labor.
They can just do that work.
(07:12):
I remember reading recently, even someoneentering the room is an intervention.
It's a disruption of what couldbe taking place for the mom.
Yes.
It is so amazing.
I actually had one birth and you know, thelights were low and I have little, like
cotton ball pats and we'll put them in.
in their bra with essential oils to justkind of help them calm down, whatever
(07:36):
scents that are comfortable for them.
And she had decided at thevery end to get an epidural.
And I said, okay, thisis your choice, right?
And the anesthesiologist came inand he said, wow, it smells so good
in here, it looks so good in here.
And he dropped his toolsall over the ground.
And I watched just the moodcompletely change, right?
(07:56):
And she was like, pulling herself backand kind of like, okay, what's going on?
on and it was so interesting to see justthat little bit of change in the room
and and actually that is you know yourcervix is a sphincter and so there's
the sphincter law that it talks aboutthat if there is an interruption your
cervix can actually close up again andand so that's something to that I also
(08:21):
appreciate about education sharing thisyou know I'll go over with mothers okay
what is something that may make youanxious what is something that and she
may not know all of those things, right?
But so that we can kind of help to maybeeliminate them or just be aware of them.
So that doesn't happen.
Even having that fear inbirth, am I going to tear?
(08:44):
Is this baby going to fit?
Those things can psychologicallydisrupt the dilation of our cervix.
Like you said, you could be dilatedand then maybe you're thinking,
wait, is my baby going to fit?
And then all of a sudden baby comesback up and you lose that progression.
And so keeping a positive and reallysupportive environment around you so that
(09:06):
you can continue progressing in labor.
Right.
So you don't have to think aboutthat either because those are
things you just want to moveforward in a continuous motion.
You mentioned with the Bradley method.
it being a way to teachhusbands how to help.
So then let's talk to the pointof the benefits of a doula.
How can the doula support this birth andalso not take the place of the husband?
(09:30):
Right.
And that's a fabulous question.
So this last birth, amazing father, right?
Father of this is his third baby.
So he kind of knew what he was doing,but I'm also there to support him.
And there was a joke.
He's like, I think myhamstring needs some massaging.
Like maybe next time.
So there was some that, but I was
also there to support him.
So at one point I was able to graba peanut ball and said, Hey, do you
(09:53):
want to use this for her so that I'mstill, I'm not getting in the way of
that relationship, but I am there toanticipate what may need to happen.
Right.
And so, I have another birth that's comingup in a few months and something that they
said that they would like me to do is, ismaybe even call the families so that he
can just be a family when the baby's born,that they don't have to think about that,
(10:16):
that I can go ahead and do that for them.
And so that is something that Ireally appreciate that I'm not getting
in the way of them building theserelationships, but I am helping them
if the doctor comes in, I can answerany questions that they have, so they
can just focus together on that moment.
Do you work with midwives thatyou have or does the client
(10:38):
normally bring a midwife or?
How does that work?
So at this point with just startingout working with clients and
things, it has been wherever theclient is going to give birth.
And so eventually I would like tobuild where I have a relationship with
others and I can be of help there.
I would also really beinterested in helping.
(11:01):
One of the reasons that I chose to bea doula too is that there are so many
mothers that don't have the supportand that there are so many mothers that
we're actually losing becausethey don't have the support.
And so there's a lot of insuranceslike Medicaid are actually being
able to, they're working on it,that they will be able to have a
(11:22):
doula and that it will be paid for.
And so that is also part of my passionis those people that don't have the
spouses, that don't have the mothers,that they are getting the attention
that they need and that they aregetting the prenatal, that I go and
visit with families beforehand, see howthey're doing, I'm there for the birth.
and then I go afterwards and I see hownursing is going, I see how all that
(11:45):
is going, but not everyone is thatlucky that they have that community
and so I'd also like to be therefor those that need that as well.
And I love that youmentioned the provider too.
I did say midwife, but doulas canbe available in hospital birth as
well, so that was a great point.
Thank you.
Well and like I said, I had onebirth that she did get an epidural
(12:06):
and so that is even something thatI could just be there for her and
It was actually amazing becauseafter the baby's born, the whole
family was there in the room.
They're all excited tosee this baby, right?
As soon as the baby's born,everybody disappears and they
all huddle around the baby.
Well, she still had to get stitched up.
She's still delivering the placenta.
She was shaking, right?
(12:26):
And I just stood next to her and just heldonto her and figured out what she needed.
And I think that that was somethingthat really hit me at that point
of that is what we're doing.
is once again we are there for the motherthrough all of this and I just held on
to her and said there's just you knowa couple more stitches going on you got
(12:49):
this and telling her what was going onwith the baby but the baby wasn't my
focus I could just be there for her.
That's so beautiful the support ofa mother and recognizing they need
somebody to support them through everystage of that labor and delivery.
Tell us a little bit more about whatyour role is after that baby is born.
(13:12):
So as a doula, do you go andvisit the family and provide a
little bit of support thereafter?
I do.
So right now I am justdoing one visit at a time.
Eventually I would like to do
more postnatal ones if peopleneed more assistance with that.
You know, we put so much emphasison, yay, you're pregnant and
here's a baby shower and yay, this.
(13:35):
And then after the baby's born,we say, great, what's for dinner?
You know, and I don't think thatwe put enough emphasis on how we
can help the mother in that sense.
And I think that that ispart of my role, right?
And going back, and also when you'rein labor, there's a lot going on.
And before there's a lot going on, right?
(13:55):
And so I usually visit within thefirst week after the baby is born and
just say, okay, how are you feeling?
And do like a rating scaleto see postpartum depression.
So there's a scale that I use, andthere's a well -known scale, and just keep
track of that and say, where are you at?
And just sit with her and talkabout how beautiful this baby is,
(14:16):
and then also talk about, I lovetalking about the birth afterwards.
Don't we all wannashare our birth stories?
And isn't it so cool to share
it with somebody that was there thatmaybe saw something a little different.
And so I share what I see and theyshare what and they're like, I
didn't even know I said that, right?
And so I share that with them.
I see how nursing is going andjust kind of keep an eye on
(14:39):
that and see how baby looks.
If there's things that I recognize,I can say, hey this might be
something you want to look into.
Something I'm really passionateabout too is research and so
making sure that what I share
is research based.
It's not just what mygreat grandma taught me.
And so when I go and visitthem, yeah, just make sure
(15:01):
they're there if they need help.
Say, hey, can I help youunload your dishwasher?
Can I help you change your sheets?
You know, just be there for just ashort time to see what they really need.
I know that when I would have a babyjust having clean sheets, it just
makes my world change completely.
Well, there's this window oftime where you are receiving a
(15:21):
lot of support after the baby
And then it seems like all of thissupport kind of disappears and you're
expected to be back on your feet andcleaning the house and preparing the
meals and watching the other children.
It seems like that is kind of thetime when we, as women need to
start preparing for additional help.
What we need.
I know like meal train .com is awonderful resource where you can
(15:45):
anticipate we're going to need more thanjust two meals after our baby's born.
Are there any friends or family members
that can help to bring in a meal for ourfamily and freezer meals, just preparing
something so that four weeks afteryour baby's born, you're still probably
not sleeping very much and recovering.
You still need preparation thatwill help you in that timeframe.
(16:06):
Right.
Right.
And that comfort of justknowing it's going to be okay.
Right.
And, and I think also just allowing.
to
just get used to that.
I remember with one of my kids, I wasat Target three days after I had a baby.
I don't know why I was at Target, butI think I thought I needed to do that.
(16:26):
Right.
And I think some, I wishsomeone would have said, just
stay in bed, enjoy this time.
We're giving you permission totell everybody I am staying in
bed and I am enjoying my baby.
Have somebody else go to the Target.
I wanted to go back justa little bit to labor.
Every person we talk to we learn differentinsights and techniques and experience.
(16:51):
Are there specific painmanagement techniques you have
during labor to help the woman?
So something that I really appreciateabout being a doula is that it
is a lot of distractions, right?
And so it's let's try thisposition and let's try this.
And so something that, I mean, likeI shared before, for me and when I
work with a lot of other mothers,it is that visualization because I
(17:14):
think that that's empowering, right?
But things like using essentialoils, either with massage and
using the carrier oils or justto breathe and to take them in.
I think also finding the right
Position, you know, sometimes women mayget to a hospital and they may be told
to get in bed and they're stuck thereAnd they don't know if they can move they
don't know if they can get on the birthball They don't know if they can squat
(17:37):
they don't know if they can get in theshower or in the bathroom and so I see
that that's also part of my of my role isto see what fits for you what makes you
most comfortable and And so with workingthrough natural childbirth, that's what I
really see my role is is that making you?
Because birth is not comfortable, right?
(17:58):
It's never going to be.
Even people that have epidurals,it's not going to necessarily
be a comfortable position.
And so I see that my role is to findthe most position, the most comfortable
position within the pain, but that youcan also focus on what you need to do.
And so with another birth that Ihad, she really liked being on the
(18:20):
ball, but also just for her sittingon the toilet was very helpful.
So we made sure that she
lots of water so she can walk backand forth and just being able, she
was in a hospital so there weren't,you know, there wasn't like a birthing
stool or all these other things.
Whereas like at a birthing center theyhave like the silks that hang from, and
they have the railings and they have thebirthing stools and they have the tub.
(18:42):
They have a lot morepositions and options.
And so within a hospital it's a littlebit different of trying to find a position
that's gonna be most comfortable forthe mother that she will get the options
the most relaxed that her bodycan do what she needs it to do.
And is there kind of a balancethere between comfort and doing
(19:05):
what's necessary for baby to come?
Yes, there is.
And some, I mean, like I said, onethat was induced, she needed to
be monitored constantly becauseshe was on pitocin, right?
And so that was really hard because shewould walk and they'd say, okay, we need
to change the monitor again, you know?
And so it's hard because once
(19:25):
you start those interventions, soonce you start being induced, then you
have to have other interventions too.
Right.
And as you're looking at interventions,there are some wireless monitors.
You can ask your nurse, Hey, doyou guys have a wireless monitor?
I've heard the tip to bring kind oflike a tighter fitting tank top so that
you can keep your monitor in place.
(19:47):
So if you do have to wear thecontinuous fetal monitoring,
It's not being shifted aroundwith your own movement because
you have, this cute little tanktop that's holding it in place.
so just like tips like that, where,you are utilizing the intervention,
but you're going to now improve andincrease your comfort in that situation.
And with her, her baby was so wiggly.
(20:09):
And so we tried everything and wetried the belly band and we tried
multiple bands wrapped around him.
And for a while, I just sat on thefloor next to her and held onto it.
Once again, that's my job, right?
Is just to make sure she can be in themost comfortable position and so that
she can get done what she needs to.
(20:29):
And so I'm here for you.
Right.
It almost seems like your ownstamina has to be pretty miraculous.
It does.
It does afterwards, usually afterbirth, cause I don't sit down much.
I'm usually walking around orI'm squatting and afterwards
the backs of my legs.
I'm like, that was a goodcalf workout right there.
You feel an equal workout to the mama.
(20:51):
Yes, yes, definitely.
I do.
It's so fun to hear these experiencesand these positive experiences too.
We interviewed your niece.
Yes.
And she has since had her baby though.
Yes.
It's so fun that we were worriedabout getting that interview in
before she delivered and now she'sdelivered within this podcast.
(21:12):
And I was actually really afraidthat she was going to deliver today.
And so that was another thing.
We had a conversation withthe baby in utero and we said,
you may not come these days.
And he didn't.
you cannot even tell that she is goingthrough hard labor because of her
focus and because of the environmentthat was created, because of things
(21:34):
she didn't have to worry about, right?
She didn't have to worryabout who was coming in.
She didn't have to worry about, youknow, are her kids taken care of?
She didn't have to worry about any of thatbecause we had talked through that before.
We said, okay, how areyou feeling about this?
nervous about this, all those kinds ofthings we had already worked out before.
And she teaches the Bradley Method.
(21:55):
She does.
what do you see as the connectionof information and experience?
Do you feel like that was very powerfulin creating this birth experience
or do you feel like it was a lot offactors with her personality and just
the way things were set up in her body?
I think definitely Bradleyis a huge key, right?
her sister was there and I wasexplaining the signposts to her
(22:17):
sister while she's in labor.
And so it was amazing and sheactually commented afterwards.
She said, I had never recognized them,just like you said, while I was in
labor until you started explaining them.
Because I would say to her sister,so look, she just got serious.
So that means she's moved.
the next phase.
(22:37):
Okay, look, she's going through this.
So once again, having that knowledge,I think is just so empowering because I
think that in today's society, everybodyhas to be an expert in something, right?
And we even sometimes think thatwith this person has to be an expert
in the preschool teacher is theexpert in raising my child, right?
But I think that it is important toremember that we are the experts in
(23:01):
our children, and we're the experts inour bodies, and we need to trust that.
And we need to say,
okay this is what's happening andbut I need more information and so I
think for her having that knowledgeand having that experience and and
she said okay this is what I teach inclasses right but how do I do I really
practice what I preach and I said youreally practice what you preach right
(23:26):
Talk about on the jobtraining for the sister.
Right.
She was really excited.
Okay.
You're next.
Ready?
She's like, no, I'm not ready for that.
One of the skills that they teach you,if you take a hypnobirthing class is to
put a picture of a rose over the clock.
So you're not worried about the timeon the clock in the Bradley method.
(23:50):
Is there a similar
recommendation for trying toeliminate the distraction of,
well, how much time has it been?
I think the signposts are kind of thetime, that they don't come, because
something to realize is that wecan't put a time limit on it, right?
And so we can't say, OK,first stage takes one hour.
(24:12):
Second stage, or you'll dilateeach centimeter an hour.
And so I think like just havingher, and I know for me too, when I
had my fourth baby, I had a partialbreak of my water, which means the
baby doesn't engage right away.
And so I just leaked continually.
(24:34):
And at the time we lived in Manhattanand there was a hurricane going on.
And so I actually walked to the hospitalbecause I was hoping to put myself into
labor and it just didn't do anything.
And then all of a sudden I wentstraight into hardcore labor
and she was born within an hour.
But the thing was is that I canremember being like, why is labor
(24:57):
so hard and why is this happening?
And my body obviously was doing workall along but I couldn't recognize it.
And then I remember my labor justbeing so hard and then I remember
saying, I can't do this anymore.
And I looked at the nurse andI said, I'm in transition.
She said, I've never had.
anyone diagnose themselves.
(25:19):
And I was like, we're almost done.
And it really just gave me hopeof it's almost time to push.
Wow.
One of the quotes in the book Hands FreeLife by Rachel Macy Stafford, she says,
the most meaningful life experiences don'thappen in the when they happen in the now.
So you were able to be in that presentmoment and recognize the challenge you
(25:42):
are going through, but also give yourself
the credit for what you were doing.
Right?
And I think that's empowering becausejust like you said, I gave myself it.
I didn't have to look at external people.
I didn't have to look at thedoctor saying, okay, you're dilated
and you're about ready to go.
And so I think that is really powerfulbecause I will say there's been so
(26:03):
much in my life that's really hard.
Right?
But I'll say, wait a minute.
I gave birth to these kids.
If that was hard, this is nothing.
can do that.
And that's what I want to give to othermothers when they're raising teenagers.
Wait a minute.
I gave birth to you.
I can tell you, no, you mightnot take out the cart today.
(26:26):
Every week we share a mom squad secret.
This week it's from Kendra and she saysheartburn is very common in pregnancy.
Pace your eating and give yourself abuffer between your last bite and bedtime.
that heartburn.
They always joke that it meansyou'll have more hair for your baby.
Who knows if that's true or not.
But, you know, I just rememberthe heartburn being prevalent.
(26:46):
Yes.
Well, Stacey, do you have anyresources that you'd like to
share with our listeners today?
Yes.
I think something that issuper helpful, is looking.
So I love Ina Mae's bookon natural childbirth.
I love that book.
She has lots of stories.
And so something that I really appreciateis that every story is different because
(27:08):
I'm sure each one of us, each one ofeverybody everywhere, their story is
going to be completely different, right?
And so I appreciate being able toread those stories of women that had
completely different labors that Ican also see myself in them, right?
Also, I'm sure Amanda recommended it.
There is the Bradley book that hasthe signposts that have other things
(27:30):
that talks about how your pelvis
is shaped and it talks about howthe baby's head is like a key.
Now it has to turn and it has to turn.
That was another thing that reallyhelped me go, okay, if I'm not
relaxing, I have to slow down.
And something I think that isreally important as mothers
is just to trust yourself.
That you also need to gowith your own intuition.
(27:52):
There is so many resources and so manygrandmothers and so many mothers that are
going to tell you all these things to do.
I had a great grandmother thatused to tell me to rub with
whiskey on my kids gums, right?
When they're teething.
When they're teething.
And I was horrified, but I thinkas mothers, we need to learn
to trust ourselves as well.
And so while there's these amazingresources at the end, I think you have to
(28:14):
say, okay, what is best for our family?
What works for our family?
I did want to ask youabout the sign language.
Yes.
So you have certifications in sign.
Is this something you'veused with your own children?
Yes.
So when I was a preschool teacher,I went to an NAEYC conference when
I was eight months pregnant and theyhad a class all about American Sign
(28:38):
Language and I had taken American SignLanguage before that and they were
talking about, you know, early stages.
This was almost 20 years ago and justtalking about the benefits of it.
And so I started signingwith my kids very early on.
Actually, as soon as they wereborn, I started signing milk.
Every time I would nurse them, Iwould sign milk and I would sign
(28:59):
all done and I would sign moreand I would sign all those things.
And so we also we also usedifferent programs that I
learned songs we could sing.
And by the time with my oldest,of course, I remember her the
most and my youngest with the gap.
But by the time my daughter was two,she knew over four hundred signs.
(29:20):
And I think the amazing thing isa lot of people worry that that
is going to prohibit their verbalskills and it actually enhances it.
And so I remember with my boys therewere certain colors, yellow and
orange were really difficult for them.
And so I would say,okay, what color is this?
And they would go, they'dhave to think about it.
And then finally they would either signyellow or orange, but it helped to make
(29:44):
those brain connections, their synapse.
It was just another way.
It also helped their
motor, especially in boys, reallyhelped them to develop their
small motor, that they were ableto communicate in that order.
It also helped, I remember, with oneof my little ones, that I was pregnant
and my first two are 13 months apart.
(30:05):
So there was a lot going on.
Bless you.
So I was pregnant, I had to run allthese errands, and I remember my
oldest, at the time, she was sittingon the ground and I said, okay, we
have to run out and we have to run.
all these errands and she lookedat me and she signed milk and
then she signed eat and I waslike, I forgot to feed you lunch.
And then I thought, I forgot to feed.
(30:26):
She was like seven months old.
I was like, I forgot to feed you lunch.
I'm so sorry.
And I didn't even realizehow much she was getting.
And she could express those needs.
That's what I loved about signing.
We did baby signing time and signingtime, a resource that you can find online.
And my children were able tocommunicate their needs before
(30:48):
before they could verbalize them.
And that just makes the transition so mucheasier from a time when you feel really
frustrated if your mom or dad or yourcare provider doesn't know what you need.
So signing can be that bridge for them.
Right.
That's amazing.
I did sign language with my oldest son andone of the main signs we did was please.
And that still has instilledgood manners from that young age.
(31:10):
And my second son, hedid have a verbal delay.
And so it was helpful to have all that.
communication going on beforehe was able to verbalize it.
And yeah, with my third, he,he caught up pretty quickly.
We did the same as well.
And then I just had tomake the connection.
I am a teacher as well,a preschool teacher.
So the N A E Y C was, yeah, I got that.
(31:34):
Well, would you like to share anythingelse with our listeners, how they can
prepare their hearts and minds for birth?
I think something, I mean, like I said,just kind of get to know your body.
and verbally be able to tell yourpartner what you need during labor.
I think that is a greatcommunication to be able to have,
(31:55):
to be comfortable with each other.
And once again, I think that thathelps all the way down the road.
I think knowing what you want, right?
What are your boundaries?
What are the things that it's like,okay, I absolutely want this, but
also know at the end that you'regonna have a beautiful baby.
And so I think knowingthose certain things,
(32:15):
I know there are certain things that itwas like, no, I definitely want this.
But as labor progressed, itwas like, I don't see that
as much as a value right now.
And I think allowing myself to dothat was really empowering too.
I've met so many women, if theydon't have a natural childbirth,
that's a real struggle for them.
And I don't think anybodyshould feel that way.
(32:37):
I think that no one'shere to shame anybody.
I think we all try our best.
I've met a lot of women lately that say,
I could never do natural childbirth.
I met a woman today at the gym andshe said I could never do that and
I said you were just in this class.
You want a bet?
I'll bet you could and either wayyou're gonna be an awesome mom.
(32:58):
And so I think that that is a bigthing is just trusting ourselves and
allowing ourselves to make mistakes.
You know I always say that with mykids I know what I'm doing wrong.
You know with having my degree in itpeople used to say I'm sure you're
the best mom ever in my school.
can say, no, I can tell you all theways I'm messing at my children and all
(33:18):
the ways they're going to need therapy.
And I think it's important torealize that, that this is a learning
process for me as well as my kidsand that I'm growing with my kids.
And so just to have it be okayto have those growing learning
moments together as a family.
We want each of you to create thebest birth for you, finding that
(33:41):
knowledge, educating yourself, findingall of the experts that can help you
to have the best birth andultimately in the end you will.
Yes.
Relying on those communities, beingwith the friends who will support you,
we support you, we're rooting for you.
Thanks for joining us on today's episode.
We hope you've been elevated andinspired by this week's expert.
(34:01):
Subscribe today so you never missan episode and please share our
podcast or post on your socialmedia so that other moms and dads
to be can also have the best birth.
Please note that the informationprovided is based on the expert's
insights and personal experience.
It is not intended as medical guidance.
Please seek the advice of yourmedical provider as it applies
(34:23):
to your specific condition.
It's the Best Birth Podcast, wherewe interview experts that elevate
you as you prepare your heartand mind to have the best birth.
Each episode will interviewprofessionals so you are prepared
for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
Our experts will build your confidenceand empower you to trust your
intuition throughout your pregnancy.
This audio is takenfrom videos on YouTube.
(00:27):
Watch the entire episodes onYouTube at Birth Made Mindful.
The Best Birth [00:01]
You're listening toThe Best Birth Podcast.
We're here today with our guest, StaceySingleton from motherhood matters.
All that Stacey has ever wanted tobe when she grows up is a mommy.
She became fascinated with naturalchildbirth at age six when her nephew was
(00:47):
born and has continued to educate herself.
Her journey for knowledge in thearea of child development and
childbirth has been continuous.
Stacey has a bachelor's and master'sin early childhood and has been
a preschool teacher and director.
as well as a baby signlanguage instructor.
She has given birth to four amazingchildren and holds certificates in
infant and toddler education andRIE, resources for infant educators.
(01:12):
Stacey is currently raising three anda half teenagers, is passionate about
research and is working towards alifelong dream of doula certification.
She's almost there.
One of her biggest missionsis to empower parents.
Welcome Stacey.
Thank you so much.
We're so excited to talk to you about,you know, everything that you're
doing to support parents in birth.
What led you to want to become a doula andan advocate and a supporter of mothers?
(01:37):
when I was six, my nephew was born.
And I can remember my sistersitting us all down as a family
and she did Lamaze and saying,here's how it all works, right?
And since then I was fascinated.
I'm like, okay, how, how does this work?
How's the breathing work?
How's the baby come out?
All these different things.
And it just really became excitedabout the whole process of it.
(02:00):
And so just continue tolearn as much as I could.
Like you said, that having myundergrad in child development
and, you know, wanting to do that.
And then as I
started having my own kids, I actuallychose the Bradley Method that I totally
loved because I felt that it empowered me.
And I feel like today in society,we are not empowering parents
(02:21):
as much from the very beginning.
And I really feel that that's whatwe need to do because that is helping
them have this relationship withtheir children for the rest of their
lives and every decision they make.
And so while being a doula,that's what I get to do.
I'm not taking over.
I'm not putting my
thoughts into them.
I'm just saying, yougot this, you got this.
(02:43):
That's so cool.
Could you share, are there a few tenantsof the Bradley method that you feel
offer the most empowerment to parents?
Yes.
So something I love aboutBradley, first of all, Dr.
Bradley very much believed thatit's a husband coached method.
And something that he taught thathe was very passionate about is
that this is your first chances asa husband and wife or mother and
(03:07):
father in whoever you are together.
couple to be parents, right?
So the communication you have duringlabor is going to help you through
the rest of your child's life.
And so I love that, being able to askfor help or being able to say, don't
touch me, I don't rub my back or couldyou get me water or any of those things
that that really helps to build thatrelationship as starting parents.
(03:29):
The other thing that I loveabout Bradley is that it, for
me, it taught me about my body.
And so it taught me about, youknow, the analogy I use for every
parent is the turtleneck sweater, right?
And so that your cervix is like a tightturtleneck sweater and that this baby,
tiny baby has to fit through that.
And the more that you tense yourbody and hold on to that, the
(03:53):
tighter that turtleneck sweateris going to be and the harder it's
going to be to get that baby out.
And so for me, visualizing thatand being in control of my body
and not having somebody elsetell me, you just need to relax.
But why?
Why?
And so just having those little aspects,I know with a recent birth that I had
(04:13):
this week that we were able to alsojust look at the signposts of Bradley.
And so I was able to, hersister was in the room.
And so I said, okay, look at thissignpost, look at where she is now.
And we could actually watch her laborprogress just by noticing these signposts.
And that was just an amazing aspectof her being also able to be in tune
(04:37):
with her body to go, okay, maybe.
it's close to the end.
What were a few of those signpoststhat you noticed in this birth?
So one of the very first signposts, soonce you start labor, in active labor,
when you first start having contractionsis that you don't, or you talk, right?
You laugh, you talk, youhave a contraction, you go...
(04:59):
yeah, that one kind of hurt.
And then you continue to talkwith the people around you, right?
So that's kind of the firstlayer of the side post.
The second sign post is that they'renot talking through contractions.
And so she would get kind of quiet and I'dsay, okay, they're getting more intense.
And then the third one is that thereis no talking in between contractions,
(05:21):
no talking during contractions, notalking in between, that the person
in labor is just completely focused
Right?
They're focusing inward andthey have to to control all
those emotions and everything.
And so there's no talking.
And then after that, at transitionis kind of a doubt stage.
And it was interesting with this birth.
(05:43):
I know with my own births,I was like, I can't do this.
I'm done.
Get me out of here.
And I've seen other births like that.
I had one that she waslike, I can't do this.
Give me an epidural.
And it's like, you'rejust at the very end.
And that's right at transition.
That's right before they dilate to 10.
And with this last birth,
she said, this isn't fun anymore.
And that was it.
And then she transitioned and then herbody just automatically, she started
(06:07):
wanting to bear down and she had the baby.
This is so curious.
It makes me want to go back to myown birth video and to look to see, I
feel like I would speak in between mycontractions the whole time, but now
I'm wondering if maybe in the pushingstage, there was a little bit of.
of that silence or like thatmeditative, you know, just turning
(06:28):
inside of yourself and really likelooking towards that finish line.
Right.
And really getting down to work.
Right.
So it's really the labor side.
And I think that.
you know, as a doula of being ableto recognize those stages and to
kind of be the advocate at thatpoint, because at first they can
be their own advocate, right?
They can say, yes, you can turn thelights on, you can turn the lights off.
(06:51):
But as it progresses, I see thatthat is my job to step in and say,
OK, now they're not ready for this.
Now we need to keep the lights low.
We need to keep everything quiet.
That if people come in, that I get tosay this is what the preference was
for this so that they don't have to
worry about anything.
They can just do the labor.
They can just do that work.
(07:12):
I remember reading recently, even someoneentering the room is an intervention.
It's a disruption of what couldbe taking place for the mom.
Yes.
It is so amazing.
I actually had one birth and you know, thelights were low and I have little, like
cotton ball pats and we'll put them in.
in their bra with essential oils to justkind of help them calm down, whatever
(07:36):
scents that are comfortable for them.
And she had decided at thevery end to get an epidural.
And I said, okay, thisis your choice, right?
And the anesthesiologist came inand he said, wow, it smells so good
in here, it looks so good in here.
And he dropped his toolsall over the ground.
And I watched just the moodcompletely change, right?
(07:56):
And she was like, pulling herself backand kind of like, okay, what's going on?
on and it was so interesting to see justthat little bit of change in the room
and and actually that is you know yourcervix is a sphincter and so there's
the sphincter law that it talks aboutthat if there is an interruption your
cervix can actually close up again andand so that's something to that I also
(08:21):
appreciate about education sharing thisyou know I'll go over with mothers okay
what is something that may make youanxious what is something that and she
may not know all of those things, right?
But so that we can kind of help to maybeeliminate them or just be aware of them.
So that doesn't happen.
Even having that fear inbirth, am I going to tear?
(08:44):
Is this baby going to fit?
Those things can psychologicallydisrupt the dilation of our cervix.
Like you said, you could be dilatedand then maybe you're thinking,
wait, is my baby going to fit?
And then all of a sudden baby comesback up and you lose that progression.
And so keeping a positive and reallysupportive environment around you so that
(09:06):
you can continue progressing in labor.
Right.
So you don't have to think aboutthat either because those are
things you just want to moveforward in a continuous motion.
You mentioned with the Bradley method.
it being a way to teachhusbands how to help.
So then let's talk to the pointof the benefits of a doula.
How can the doula support this birth andalso not take the place of the husband?
(09:30):
Right.
And that's a fabulous question.
So this last birth, amazing father, right?
Father of this is his third baby.
So he kind of knew what he was doing,but I'm also there to support him.
And there was a joke.
He's like, I think myhamstring needs some massaging.
Like maybe next time.
So there was some that, but I was
also there to support him.
So at one point I was able to graba peanut ball and said, Hey, do you
(09:53):
want to use this for her so that I'mstill, I'm not getting in the way of
that relationship, but I am there toanticipate what may need to happen.
Right.
And so, I have another birth that's comingup in a few months and something that they
said that they would like me to do is, ismaybe even call the families so that he
can just be a family when the baby's born,that they don't have to think about that,
(10:16):
that I can go ahead and do that for them.
And so that is something that Ireally appreciate that I'm not getting
in the way of them building theserelationships, but I am helping them
if the doctor comes in, I can answerany questions that they have, so they
can just focus together on that moment.
Do you work with midwives thatyou have or does the client
(10:38):
normally bring a midwife or?
How does that work?
So at this point with just startingout working with clients and
things, it has been wherever theclient is going to give birth.
And so eventually I would like tobuild where I have a relationship with
others and I can be of help there.
I would also really beinterested in helping.
(11:01):
One of the reasons that I chose to bea doula too is that there are so many
mothers that don't have the supportand that there are so many mothers that
we're actually losing becausethey don't have the support.
And so there's a lot of insuranceslike Medicaid are actually being
able to, they're working on it,that they will be able to have a
(11:22):
doula and that it will be paid for.
And so that is also part of my passionis those people that don't have the
spouses, that don't have the mothers,that they are getting the attention
that they need and that they aregetting the prenatal, that I go and
visit with families beforehand, see howthey're doing, I'm there for the birth.
and then I go afterwards and I see hownursing is going, I see how all that
(11:45):
is going, but not everyone is thatlucky that they have that community
and so I'd also like to be therefor those that need that as well.
And I love that youmentioned the provider too.
I did say midwife, but doulas canbe available in hospital birth as
well, so that was a great point.
Thank you.
Well and like I said, I had onebirth that she did get an epidural
(12:06):
and so that is even something thatI could just be there for her and
It was actually amazing becauseafter the baby's born, the whole
family was there in the room.
They're all excited tosee this baby, right?
As soon as the baby's born,everybody disappears and they
all huddle around the baby.
Well, she still had to get stitched up.
She's still delivering the placenta.
She was shaking, right?
(12:26):
And I just stood next to her and just heldonto her and figured out what she needed.
And I think that that was somethingthat really hit me at that point
of that is what we're doing.
is once again we are there for the motherthrough all of this and I just held on
to her and said there's just you knowa couple more stitches going on you got
(12:49):
this and telling her what was going onwith the baby but the baby wasn't my
focus I could just be there for her.
That's so beautiful the support ofa mother and recognizing they need
somebody to support them through everystage of that labor and delivery.
Tell us a little bit more about whatyour role is after that baby is born.
(13:12):
So as a doula, do you go andvisit the family and provide a
little bit of support thereafter?
I do.
So right now I am justdoing one visit at a time.
Eventually I would like to do
more postnatal ones if peopleneed more assistance with that.
You know, we put so much emphasison, yay, you're pregnant and
here's a baby shower and yay, this.
(13:35):
And then after the baby's born,we say, great, what's for dinner?
You know, and I don't think thatwe put enough emphasis on how we
can help the mother in that sense.
And I think that that ispart of my role, right?
And going back, and also when you'rein labor, there's a lot going on.
And before there's a lot going on, right?
(13:55):
And so I usually visit within thefirst week after the baby is born and
just say, okay, how are you feeling?
And do like a rating scaleto see postpartum depression.
So there's a scale that I use, andthere's a well -known scale, and just keep
track of that and say, where are you at?
And just sit with her and talkabout how beautiful this baby is,
(14:16):
and then also talk about, I lovetalking about the birth afterwards.
Don't we all wannashare our birth stories?
And isn't it so cool to share
it with somebody that was there thatmaybe saw something a little different.
And so I share what I see and theyshare what and they're like, I
didn't even know I said that, right?
And so I share that with them.
I see how nursing is going andjust kind of keep an eye on
(14:39):
that and see how baby looks.
If there's things that I recognize,I can say, hey this might be
something you want to look into.
Something I'm really passionateabout too is research and so
making sure that what I share
is research based.
It's not just what mygreat grandma taught me.
And so when I go and visitthem, yeah, just make sure
(15:01):
they're there if they need help.
Say, hey, can I help youunload your dishwasher?
Can I help you change your sheets?
You know, just be there for just ashort time to see what they really need.
I know that when I would have a babyjust having clean sheets, it just
makes my world change completely.
Well, there's this window oftime where you are receiving a
(15:21):
lot of support after the baby
And then it seems like all of thissupport kind of disappears and you're
expected to be back on your feet andcleaning the house and preparing the
meals and watching the other children.
It seems like that is kind of thetime when we, as women need to
start preparing for additional help.
What we need.
I know like meal train .com is awonderful resource where you can
(15:45):
anticipate we're going to need more thanjust two meals after our baby's born.
Are there any friends or family members
that can help to bring in a meal for ourfamily and freezer meals, just preparing
something so that four weeks afteryour baby's born, you're still probably
not sleeping very much and recovering.
You still need preparation thatwill help you in that timeframe.
(16:06):
Right.
Right.
And that comfort of justknowing it's going to be okay.
Right.
And, and I think also just allowing.
to
just get used to that.
I remember with one of my kids, I wasat Target three days after I had a baby.
I don't know why I was at Target, butI think I thought I needed to do that.
(16:26):
Right.
And I think some, I wishsomeone would have said, just
stay in bed, enjoy this time.
We're giving you permission totell everybody I am staying in
bed and I am enjoying my baby.
Have somebody else go to the Target.
I wanted to go back justa little bit to labor.
Every person we talk to we learn differentinsights and techniques and experience.
(16:51):
Are there specific painmanagement techniques you have
during labor to help the woman?
So something that I really appreciateabout being a doula is that it
is a lot of distractions, right?
And so it's let's try thisposition and let's try this.
And so something that, I mean, likeI shared before, for me and when I
work with a lot of other mothers,it is that visualization because I
(17:14):
think that that's empowering, right?
But things like using essentialoils, either with massage and
using the carrier oils or justto breathe and to take them in.
I think also finding the right
Position, you know, sometimes women mayget to a hospital and they may be told
to get in bed and they're stuck thereAnd they don't know if they can move they
don't know if they can get on the birthball They don't know if they can squat
(17:37):
they don't know if they can get in theshower or in the bathroom and so I see
that that's also part of my of my role isto see what fits for you what makes you
most comfortable and And so with workingthrough natural childbirth, that's what I
really see my role is is that making you?
Because birth is not comfortable, right?
(17:58):
It's never going to be.
Even people that have epidurals,it's not going to necessarily
be a comfortable position.
And so I see that my role is to findthe most position, the most comfortable
position within the pain, but that youcan also focus on what you need to do.
And so with another birth that Ihad, she really liked being on the
(18:20):
ball, but also just for her sittingon the toilet was very helpful.
So we made sure that she
lots of water so she can walk backand forth and just being able, she
was in a hospital so there weren't,you know, there wasn't like a birthing
stool or all these other things.
Whereas like at a birthing center theyhave like the silks that hang from, and
they have the railings and they have thebirthing stools and they have the tub.
(18:42):
They have a lot morepositions and options.
And so within a hospital it's a littlebit different of trying to find a position
that's gonna be most comfortable forthe mother that she will get the options
the most relaxed that her bodycan do what she needs it to do.
And is there kind of a balancethere between comfort and doing
(19:05):
what's necessary for baby to come?
Yes, there is.
And some, I mean, like I said, onethat was induced, she needed to
be monitored constantly becauseshe was on pitocin, right?
And so that was really hard because shewould walk and they'd say, okay, we need
to change the monitor again, you know?
And so it's hard because once
(19:25):
you start those interventions, soonce you start being induced, then you
have to have other interventions too.
Right.
And as you're looking at interventions,there are some wireless monitors.
You can ask your nurse, Hey, doyou guys have a wireless monitor?
I've heard the tip to bring kind oflike a tighter fitting tank top so that
you can keep your monitor in place.
(19:47):
So if you do have to wear thecontinuous fetal monitoring,
It's not being shifted aroundwith your own movement because
you have, this cute little tanktop that's holding it in place.
so just like tips like that, where,you are utilizing the intervention,
but you're going to now improve andincrease your comfort in that situation.
And with her, her baby was so wiggly.
(20:09):
And so we tried everything and wetried the belly band and we tried
multiple bands wrapped around him.
And for a while, I just sat on thefloor next to her and held onto it.
Once again, that's my job, right?
Is just to make sure she can be in themost comfortable position and so that
she can get done what she needs to.
(20:29):
And so I'm here for you.
Right.
It almost seems like your ownstamina has to be pretty miraculous.
It does.
It does afterwards, usually afterbirth, cause I don't sit down much.
I'm usually walking around orI'm squatting and afterwards
the backs of my legs.
I'm like, that was a goodcalf workout right there.
You feel an equal workout to the mama.
(20:51):
Yes, yes, definitely.
I do.
It's so fun to hear these experiencesand these positive experiences too.
We interviewed your niece.
Yes.
And she has since had her baby though.
Yes.
It's so fun that we were worriedabout getting that interview in
before she delivered and now she'sdelivered within this podcast.
(21:12):
And I was actually really afraidthat she was going to deliver today.
And so that was another thing.
We had a conversation withthe baby in utero and we said,
you may not come these days.
And he didn't.
you cannot even tell that she is goingthrough hard labor because of her
focus and because of the environmentthat was created, because of things
(21:34):
she didn't have to worry about, right?
She didn't have to worryabout who was coming in.
She didn't have to worry about, youknow, are her kids taken care of?
She didn't have to worry about any of thatbecause we had talked through that before.
We said, okay, how areyou feeling about this?
nervous about this, all those kinds ofthings we had already worked out before.
And she teaches the Bradley Method.
(21:55):
She does.
what do you see as the connectionof information and experience?
Do you feel like that was very powerfulin creating this birth experience
or do you feel like it was a lot offactors with her personality and just
the way things were set up in her body?
I think definitely Bradleyis a huge key, right?
her sister was there and I wasexplaining the signposts to her
(22:17):
sister while she's in labor.
And so it was amazing and sheactually commented afterwards.
She said, I had never recognized them,just like you said, while I was in
labor until you started explaining them.
Because I would say to her sister,so look, she just got serious.
So that means she's moved.
the next phase.
(22:37):
Okay, look, she's going through this.
So once again, having that knowledge,I think is just so empowering because I
think that in today's society, everybodyhas to be an expert in something, right?
And we even sometimes think thatwith this person has to be an expert
in the preschool teacher is theexpert in raising my child, right?
But I think that it is important toremember that we are the experts in
(23:01):
our children, and we're the experts inour bodies, and we need to trust that.
And we need to say,
okay this is what's happening andbut I need more information and so I
think for her having that knowledgeand having that experience and and
she said okay this is what I teach inclasses right but how do I do I really
practice what I preach and I said youreally practice what you preach right
(23:26):
Talk about on the jobtraining for the sister.
Right.
She was really excited.
Okay.
You're next.
Ready?
She's like, no, I'm not ready for that.
One of the skills that they teach you,if you take a hypnobirthing class is to
put a picture of a rose over the clock.
So you're not worried about the timeon the clock in the Bradley method.
(23:50):
Is there a similar
recommendation for trying toeliminate the distraction of,
well, how much time has it been?
I think the signposts are kind of thetime, that they don't come, because
something to realize is that wecan't put a time limit on it, right?
And so we can't say, OK,first stage takes one hour.
(24:12):
Second stage, or you'll dilateeach centimeter an hour.
And so I think like just havingher, and I know for me too, when I
had my fourth baby, I had a partialbreak of my water, which means the
baby doesn't engage right away.
And so I just leaked continually.
(24:34):
And at the time we lived in Manhattanand there was a hurricane going on.
And so I actually walked to the hospitalbecause I was hoping to put myself into
labor and it just didn't do anything.
And then all of a sudden I wentstraight into hardcore labor
and she was born within an hour.
But the thing was is that I canremember being like, why is labor
(24:57):
so hard and why is this happening?
And my body obviously was doing workall along but I couldn't recognize it.
And then I remember my labor justbeing so hard and then I remember
saying, I can't do this anymore.
And I looked at the nurse andI said, I'm in transition.
She said, I've never had.
anyone diagnose themselves.
(25:19):
And I was like, we're almost done.
And it really just gave me hopeof it's almost time to push.
Wow.
One of the quotes in the book Hands FreeLife by Rachel Macy Stafford, she says,
the most meaningful life experiences don'thappen in the when they happen in the now.
So you were able to be in that presentmoment and recognize the challenge you
(25:42):
are going through, but also give yourself
the credit for what you were doing.
Right?
And I think that's empowering becausejust like you said, I gave myself it.
I didn't have to look at external people.
I didn't have to look at thedoctor saying, okay, you're dilated
and you're about ready to go.
And so I think that is really powerfulbecause I will say there's been so
(26:03):
much in my life that's really hard.
Right?
But I'll say, wait a minute.
I gave birth to these kids.
If that was hard, this is nothing.
can do that.
And that's what I want to give to othermothers when they're raising teenagers.
Wait a minute.
I gave birth to you.
I can tell you, no, you mightnot take out the cart today.
(26:26):
Every week we share a mom squad secret.
This week it's from Kendra and she saysheartburn is very common in pregnancy.
Pace your eating and give yourself abuffer between your last bite and bedtime.
that heartburn.
They always joke that it meansyou'll have more hair for your baby.
Who knows if that's true or not.
But, you know, I just rememberthe heartburn being prevalent.
(26:46):
Yes.
Well, Stacey, do you have anyresources that you'd like to
share with our listeners today?
Yes.
I think something that issuper helpful, is looking.
So I love Ina Mae's bookon natural childbirth.
I love that book.
She has lots of stories.
And so something that I really appreciateis that every story is different because
(27:08):
I'm sure each one of us, each one ofeverybody everywhere, their story is
going to be completely different, right?
And so I appreciate being able toread those stories of women that had
completely different labors that Ican also see myself in them, right?
Also, I'm sure Amanda recommended it.
There is the Bradley book that hasthe signposts that have other things
(27:30):
that talks about how your pelvis
is shaped and it talks about howthe baby's head is like a key.
Now it has to turn and it has to turn.
That was another thing that reallyhelped me go, okay, if I'm not
relaxing, I have to slow down.
And something I think that isreally important as mothers
is just to trust yourself.
That you also need to gowith your own intuition.
(27:52):
There is so many resources and so manygrandmothers and so many mothers that are
going to tell you all these things to do.
I had a great grandmother thatused to tell me to rub with
whiskey on my kids gums, right?
When they're teething.
When they're teething.
And I was horrified, but I thinkas mothers, we need to learn
to trust ourselves as well.
And so while there's these amazingresources at the end, I think you have to
(28:14):
say, okay, what is best for our family?
What works for our family?
I did want to ask youabout the sign language.
Yes.
So you have certifications in sign.
Is this something you'veused with your own children?
Yes.
So when I was a preschool teacher,I went to an NAEYC conference when
I was eight months pregnant and theyhad a class all about American Sign
(28:38):
Language and I had taken American SignLanguage before that and they were
talking about, you know, early stages.
This was almost 20 years ago and justtalking about the benefits of it.
And so I started signingwith my kids very early on.
Actually, as soon as they wereborn, I started signing milk.
Every time I would nurse them, Iwould sign milk and I would sign
(28:59):
all done and I would sign moreand I would sign all those things.
And so we also we also usedifferent programs that I
learned songs we could sing.
And by the time with my oldest,of course, I remember her the
most and my youngest with the gap.
But by the time my daughter was two,she knew over four hundred signs.
(29:20):
And I think the amazing thing isa lot of people worry that that
is going to prohibit their verbalskills and it actually enhances it.
And so I remember with my boys therewere certain colors, yellow and
orange were really difficult for them.
And so I would say,okay, what color is this?
And they would go, they'dhave to think about it.
And then finally they would either signyellow or orange, but it helped to make
(29:44):
those brain connections, their synapse.
It was just another way.
It also helped their
motor, especially in boys, reallyhelped them to develop their
small motor, that they were ableto communicate in that order.
It also helped, I remember, with oneof my little ones, that I was pregnant
and my first two are 13 months apart.
(30:05):
So there was a lot going on.
Bless you.
So I was pregnant, I had to run allthese errands, and I remember my
oldest, at the time, she was sittingon the ground and I said, okay, we
have to run out and we have to run.
all these errands and she lookedat me and she signed milk and
then she signed eat and I waslike, I forgot to feed you lunch.
And then I thought, I forgot to feed.
(30:26):
She was like seven months old.
I was like, I forgot to feed you lunch.
I'm so sorry.
And I didn't even realizehow much she was getting.
And she could express those needs.
That's what I loved about signing.
We did baby signing time and signingtime, a resource that you can find online.
And my children were able tocommunicate their needs before
(30:48):
before they could verbalize them.
And that just makes the transition so mucheasier from a time when you feel really
frustrated if your mom or dad or yourcare provider doesn't know what you need.
So signing can be that bridge for them.
Right.
That's amazing.
I did sign language with my oldest son andone of the main signs we did was please.
And that still has instilledgood manners from that young age.
(31:10):
And my second son, hedid have a verbal delay.
And so it was helpful to have all that.
communication going on beforehe was able to verbalize it.
And yeah, with my third, he,he caught up pretty quickly.
We did the same as well.
And then I just had tomake the connection.
I am a teacher as well,a preschool teacher.
So the N A E Y C was, yeah, I got that.
(31:34):
Well, would you like to share anythingelse with our listeners, how they can
prepare their hearts and minds for birth?
I think something, I mean, like I said,just kind of get to know your body.
and verbally be able to tell yourpartner what you need during labor.
I think that is a greatcommunication to be able to have,
(31:55):
to be comfortable with each other.
And once again, I think that thathelps all the way down the road.
I think knowing what you want, right?
What are your boundaries?
What are the things that it's like,okay, I absolutely want this, but
also know at the end that you'regonna have a beautiful baby.
And so I think knowingthose certain things,
(32:15):
I know there are certain things that itwas like, no, I definitely want this.
But as labor progressed, itwas like, I don't see that
as much as a value right now.
And I think allowing myself to dothat was really empowering too.
I've met so many women, if theydon't have a natural childbirth,
that's a real struggle for them.
And I don't think anybodyshould feel that way.
(32:37):
I think that no one'shere to shame anybody.
I think we all try our best.
I've met a lot of women lately that say,
I could never do natural childbirth.
I met a woman today at the gym andshe said I could never do that and
I said you were just in this class.
You want a bet?
I'll bet you could and either wayyou're gonna be an awesome mom.
(32:58):
And so I think that that is a bigthing is just trusting ourselves and
allowing ourselves to make mistakes.
You know I always say that with mykids I know what I'm doing wrong.
You know with having my degree in itpeople used to say I'm sure you're
the best mom ever in my school.
can say, no, I can tell you all theways I'm messing at my children and all
(33:18):
the ways they're going to need therapy.
And I think it's important torealize that, that this is a learning
process for me as well as my kidsand that I'm growing with my kids.
And so just to have it be okayto have those growing learning
moments together as a family.
We want each of you to create thebest birth for you, finding that
(33:41):
knowledge, educating yourself, findingall of the experts that can help you
to have the best birth andultimately in the end you will.
Yes.
Relying on those communities, beingwith the friends who will support you,
we support you, we're rooting for you.
Thanks for joining us on today's episode.
We hope you've been elevated andinspired by this week's expert.
(34:01):
Subscribe today so you never missan episode and please share our
podcast or post on your socialmedia so that other moms and dads
to be can also have the best birth.
Please note that the informationprovided is based on the expert's
insights and personal experience.
It is not intended as medical guidance.
Please seek the advice of yourmedical provider as it applies
(34:23):
to your specific condition.
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